Imani (V)
#5 of Imani
Lucas hadn't gone far, just around the corner, as it turned out. He waved me over to the car when he saw me, his windows already down. "I heard...I mean...why don't you get in?" He sighs out, a tiny grin on his face.
My ears are pinned down when I sit next to him, my ears flushing a deep red under my fur. "You heard...everything?" He nods, glancing over to me, "Yeah, everything. You know...I am single." It makes me chuckle, although I'm not sure if he's joking or not. "Do you have, y'know, somewhere to go?" He pauses, looking at me with anticipation.
"I mean...I could go back to my parents..." The words are ingrained with exhaustion, "I'm sure they'd be glad to have me again...but honestly, I'd rather just go to a hotel or something..." The last thing I'd need is them questioning why Milan isn't with me.
Lucas gives me a hard, long look. It's hard to tell if he's looking me over, or looking behind me. "Stay with me..." It's a small sound from the boisterous otter, and for a second I think he doesn't actually want me to stay. He did only meet me last night, and even though it was an enjoyable night, I can't imagine he wants to babysit an overly emotional fox. "I mean! If you want. I don't start work for a week and a half, and I know all of one fox in town."
~~~
Over the next few days I find it easy, somehow, not to think about Gray or Milan. Even at night, lying in the afterglow of only the second man I've ever slept with, I don't find my mind wandering to Gray. Instead I can only find myself staring at the snoring otter beside me, listening to his nonsensical overnight mumbling.
It's odd how you can trust someone you've only met. It's certainly not like Lucas knows my every secret -- he doesn't even know me as well as Milan or Gray. But I trust him. I trust him enough to lie naked and vulnerable beside him, enough to cry to him when the memories of Imani surface and send me into waves of sorrow. I realize at some point that I never TRULY was able to grieve -- I was either making sure that Milan was eating and safe, or fighting off the advances of two canines. But here, lying in Lucas' bed, I finally feel like someone's there for me.
I was helping Lucas, too, of course. He hadn't chosen Cherry for the small town charm. He explained over dinner that he was running. As it turns out, I'm not the only one with overwhelming drama in his life. Lucas ran away from his parents at the age of seventeen to the arms of his lover, a twenty-six year old wolf. Five years, three trips to the emergency room, and a cheating wolf was all Lucas could handle, and one day he was gone.
"He wasn't mean, most of the time," Lucas told me over breakfast on the third day, "He broke my wrists twice, though. It was an accident..." He sighs, "No, it wasn't an accident. He broke my wrists because he had found a letter I had been writing to my parents. He told me that he was all I needed. I wasn't even gonna send the letter..."
"He broke both your wrists?" This wolf sounds like some sort of comic-book villain, to hurt a gentle otter in such a way. "Oh yeah. He thought that if I couldn't write I would never be able to send that letter...he was a dick." Lucas' eyes seem hazy and tired, as if he isn't able to focus on anything. I can't blame him...and I never would've guessed that such a friendly person could've gone through hell on earth like that. It truly is the moments that test your faith that mold you; For some, the tests prove too much, and mold them into the shape of violence, sew into them shame. For others, those who are strong enough to withstand the tests of this world, the tests prove a stepping stone to a much bigger world, and to a bigger self.
My phone buzzes on the table, drawing me back to the world. I glance down at it. Linda.
"Hey, Linda? What's up?" I really need to remember to call her more.
"Tobias James Clayton," Oh lord, "Why is it that I hear from your brother more than you? He lives on the road for the love of god! I thought you and Milan were coming back!" Hearing Milan's name stings, just a little.
"Listen...calm down Linda." I hear her huff on the other end of the phone, "Listen, I've been staying with a friend."
"Well...Charlotte called me yesterday...she said that Milan was yelling at you on her front porch and she was mortified! Are you okay?" The sound of worried filled my mother's voice.
"I...I'm fine, mom. We had an argument...Why don't I just come over later? Then you can see I still have my skin?"
"Okay...that'd be great. I'll see you in a bit. I love you." "I love you too,"
~~~
It took quite some time to convince Lucas to come with me, and even when I did, it was on the condition that he would stay in the car. He didn't want to meet my parents, not that I blame him, but I still wish he'd come in. The house is the same as ever -- the dusty shelves on the wall, the pictures hung off kilter but proud.
"Tell me what happened...and who's your otter friend in the car?" Linda's voice swarms around me, buzzing in my ears. I blink and consider lying, but it's a passing thought and in a moment I explain what happened -- leaving out the bits about Lucas and I's bits. Despite everything that I put her through, my mother listened carefully to my every word. She shifts in her seat occasionally until I finish.
"You should invite...Lucas, was it? You should invite him to the game with us. I'm sure Tristan could get two more tickets."
"If I can convince him to go..." I glance at the small clock on the wall, and realize that Lucas has been sitting in the car for about forty-five minutes. "I'll be right back, actually...maybe I can convince him to come in..." I duck outside, and Lucas is still sitting in his car, bobbing his head to some music. I walk over and knock on his window, accidentally startling him. He rolls the window down, mid giggle.
"Jesus! You scared me." He puts a doofy look on his face, and I can hardly hold back a laugh myself. After a few moments of gasping for air between laughs, I find my composure. "Linda want's to meet you..." I can see the expression change on his face, from the happy disposed otter, to something of a scowl, "Please?" I wag my tail softly, hopefully. It brushes the soft grass underfoot, and I hear a bird chirp in the distance.
Lucas sighs, and glances into my eyes. "It's really important too you?" I stare back into his eyes, the brown filled with a subtle hopefulness. "I mean...Linda would love to see who I've been staying with recently...I didn't mention that we're sleeping together or anything...but..." He smiles and opens the door, pushing me back softly. "Lead the way." He says, and I think I pick up on a lack of honest conviction, but I'm not complaining. I grab him by the paw and bring him to the door.
"Oh! So you're Lucas!" Linda's voice, once again, swarms -- this time warmer, though. "Uh...Hi, Mrs. Clayton..." Linda holds a paw out, and they meet with a firm handshake. "Thank you for taking care of my son. I know he's been having a hard time, and from what he tells me, you've been good for him." The words ring in the air, and I can feel myself blushing under my fur.
Lucas looks taken back for a second, only to rebound into the outgoing otter that woo'd me nearly a week ago. A smile spreads across his face, "It's hard not to want to take care of him...I mean, when we met he had his head down and...and he needed a friend." Yeah, a friend alright. Not a dick. Not a...well, what are Lucas and I? I'll have to ask him later.
Linda and Lucas' conversation turns towards the baseball game pretty quickly. "It's in Milwaukee. We'd pay for the train ticket if you didn't want to drive. You seem really important to Toby and, I'm not sure if he's told you or not...but he sometimes has a hard time at making new friends. He's had Gray and Milan, but other than them...he doesn't really have anyone else." I can feel my face flush, a twang of anger flaring in my chest -- until Lucas speaks up;
"I'd be happy to go. I've never been on a train...or to Milwaukee. Or to a baseball game...and I don't know why Toby doesn't have more friends." I think he's teasing me, but we move past it pretty quickly.
~~~
The trip is tomorrow, and two days past the conversation with Linda. Lucas, despite his initial wariness, ended up helping Linda make dinner and seemed to enjoy himself. This is who he was, a social creature, and that had overcome any uneasiness. We stayed late into the evening, until my dad had come home. A few brief handshakes later, and we were in the den watching SuperFox! Part V.
"I like them..." It's quiet, and he says it on the way home. The clock in the dashboard reads "12:32" and I almost don't realize what he's talking about.
The next day is spent helping Lucas pick out new furniture. He argues that a sectional is the best type of couch, and we 'fight' about it all day. We spent the day after waiting for the sectional to arrive. These aren't important details, and how we spent these days growing closer and closer could've been said in less words -- but one thing stuck in my mind. There was an overwhelming shadow, lurking in the corner of my mind, shades of Gray flashed throughout the days, and even in the cool comfort of a new bed, sprawled out beside Lucas, they haunt me. Lucas snores softly, and I let my mind breeze through a million thoughts.
Lucas is unbelievably different than Gray...even as a lover. He's a louder, prouder of who he is. I can't imagine going furniture shopping with Gray, he's quiet and reserved, maybe even a little ashamed of of who he is. Yet I still feel his presence pressuring down on me. I'm worried about him, worried about how he's doing.
I know Milan can take care of himself. Milan had always been independent, and it was Gray and I who clung to him, not the other way around. Milan, more than anyone else, reminds me of Lucas. Lucas is outgoing and noisy, yet more gentle and laidback. It's odd, in my twilight state, comparing my friends (are they still my friends?) and Lucas (my...friend?)