Sargon of Akkad Should Die

Story by harpier on SoFurry

, , , , , , ,

Help me kill Sargon of Akkad so I can use his skin as a coat


The sun rose in the west. Her light was red as the dawn's hue, piercing eerily through the branches and unto the plains. It was a strange sight, but it was lovely to be sure.

One day, the light passed over a shrew, who protested. The sun took pity on the shrew, and its light became gold.

"Haha, fucking feminazi" Sargon the idiotic frog mocked unlawfully.

The sun was confused, and continued. Birds decried about larger birds trampling their nests, so the sun's light flared at the larger birds, that left with their eyes burnt.

"The sun is against free speech!" croaked Sargon evilly and stupidly.

The sun became impatient, but continued. Finally she made her way to a lake in the plains, where there was an island. There, hyraxes were having a fight over a bridge.

"What is the matter?" the sun asked.

"We have to cut ties to the mainland, other mammalsare big and strong and we're not!" moaned a hyrax

"We're the superior species so they have no right to our land!" he said, minutes after.

"So you claim you're superior, yet admit you are weak" the sun shook her head, "Then you're lying. The bridge remains."

Sargon's eyes bulged and he went all "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" and jumped at the sun! Except, the sun was made of light, so his skin dried up and became full of tumours due to the UV light. Sargon suffered in horrific and delicious harmony for ten thousand hours, limb by limb becoming a mass of pus-ejecting teratomas.

Eventually, he died and was sent to hell.

Happy Valentine's

Korra and Asami were having a date in the central park with spirits. There was a nice cafeteria where they sold chinese products, but because they were in China it didn't matter, lol. "Oh my beloved Avatar of pasts unfortified, is it not nice to...

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Merry Churisutumasu: Redux Evolution

Chibi Ursa and Helios were very sad. Everyone they knew was dead, and it was Christmas Eve. They sat alone in a café in Siberia. Suddenly a guy with a parka yelling homophobic slurrs came out of the bushes and shot Helios! "No!" cried Chibi Ursa...

, , , , , , , , , , ,

Happy Halloween

It was a stormy and dark night in Halloween. Several years passed since our heroes defeated the evil marionettes from Five Nights At Freddy's and the even more evil and exceptionally whore We Bare Bears. They were gathered at a feast table like the...

, , , , , , , , , ,