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Natani glanced at Keith again. The basitin was sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed for travel, staring blearily out the window, his ears drooping. Natani had hoped sharing the bed might help, even if it was trouble in other ways, but no. He thought it was nightmares, but Keith hadn't said anything, and he didn't want to ask. Why make him dwell on it? He usually got better during the day, so at least there was that.

Natani had his pack up on the table and was rummaging near the bottom to make sure his spare crystals were still there. His fingers chanced on a strip of leather, and he pulled it out, not even remembering what it was.

He looked at it, dumbly. It seemed so long ago, a forgotten relic of a time when there had been a future. He'd never quite figured out how to give it to Keith.

And now...

How long had it been since they'd kissed?

They'd stopped doing that, because it needed to go somewhere and couldn't.

How long since they'd spoken like it mattered what they said?

This whole morning, neither of them had said a word.

They used to share so much. Now it was just the quiet despair.

Natani stared at the band of leather.

When you're out of cards, you play what you have, even if it makes no sense.

He cleared his throat. "Keith... I've got something for you."

"Huh?"

Keith stood up and came over, his ears lifting with his curiosity.

Natani handed it over, dangling it from one end.

Keith took it, looking puzzled. "A... collar?"

With a small bell.

"I'm... not saying you should put it on or anything. It's just... something I meant to give you. I saw it in the market at... whatever that place was called, and just couldn't get it out of my head for some reason. Had to go back and buy it when I was alone. Forgot I even had it, until now."

Keith was looking at the bell. He flicked it with a finger, and when that made no sound he teased out the stopper and tried again. It made a little chime. He looked at Natani, his expression inscrutable. "Would you... put it on me?"

"If you... want?"

Keith handed him the collar, and Natani stepped closer to slide it around his neck. Keith closed his eyes as he did. Natani looked for a good hole for the small buckle--probably that one?

"One more."

Natani tightened the collar, the little bell chiming as he worked. It felt snug, but Keith didn't complain.

Done, Natani should have pulled away, but he didn't. Instead, he slid his arms around Keith's shoulders and pulled him closer. Keith turned his head so the side of his muzzle was pressed against Natani's bound and be-vested chest.

It was a familiar fit.

Natani felt like his heart was breaking. "I think I wanted to be cheeky with it, and say 'You're mine.'"

Keith pulled away. Natani didn't want to let him go, but he pushed against Natani's chest with a hand and slid away to look up at him. His small smile was full of sadness. "And then you decided you didn't want me?"

"No! But this stupid body..."

"What's your body got to do with whether you want me or not?"

"It means I can't have you! Not how I..." Might as well drag it all out, then. "Look, Keith. What I want to do to you, this body can't do."

Keith blushed. "Oh."

"This isn't how I really... this isn't who I am. I know this body turns you on, and I don't blame you for that. But if you saw me as I see me..." He sighed. "And I wouldn't blame you for that, either. It isn't what you signed up for. It's just--"

"It is what I signed up for! I don't care about your damn body, I care about you!" Keith drew a breath. "Okay, yes, you turn me on, but it's you. And I have seen you as you see you, remember? Your illusions? I don't care if your chest is bound or what's between your legs, as long as it's you."

"But that's just an illusion! What does that matter, when you know what's really there? It's not the same thing at all. If I really had the body I wanted--"

"I WOULD STILL LOVE YOU, YOU IDIOT!"

"How can you possibly know that?"

"Because I've thought about it!"

Natani sneered. "Thought about it. Well, so have I! So here's something for you. I've had fantasies about going to find my idiot brother and borrowing his body just so I can really make you mine. I want to claim you. Pin you down, and fuck you in the ass, even if I have to borrow a dick to do it. I have dreams about it. Still love me when I want to do that to you? Huh?"

Having asked, he found he didn't really want to hear the answer.

Keith blushed, and cleared his throat. "I thought that might be the case."

Huh?

"I told you I've thought about it! Ever since I learned that you two can switch bodies, I've been thinking about it. About what I'd say if you asked. Of course I have, because I love you."

"You never said anything."

"Of course I didn't! I can't bring something like that up, because I have to let you be you! I can't say to you 'Well, maybe if you borrowed your brother's body?'! I can't say that you shouldn't be happy in your body any more than I can say that you should be! I can't ever tell you what or who you should be, or what to do about any of this stuff, and I don't want to! That's what love is!"

Natani swallowed. He felt a little faint. "Um, you love me?"

"Yes! And don't you dare doubt it."

Natani leaned against the table. His whole world was unraveling around him, but in a good way. He looked at Keith, defiant, beautiful. The collar looked really good on him.

Natani cleared his throat. "And? What..."

"And what?"

"What... would you say? If I wanted to..."

Keith's blush deepened. "Um. I know a bit about how wolves can get. So I'd say yes, if... if you could be gentle."

For Keith? "As gentle as you want me to be. I wouldn't ever want to hurt you."

Keigh sighed. "Well, you've got a funny way of showing it. You say you don't blame me for being turned on, but you get awkward when I react to being close to you. You haven't touched me in... we barely even spar anymore. You've stopped kissing me. And I thought you slept with me last night out of pity."

Natani shook his head. "I don't blame you. I'm kinda... happy that you get excited." He swallowed. "And if you really still would even if... then I'm really happy. But yeah, I've avoided it because it can't go anywhere, and if it can't go anywhere then I shouldn't be turning you..."

There was fire in Keith's voice. "Natani?"

"Yeah?"

"When you touch me, it matters. A lot. A whole lot. So don't ever not touch me for my sake."

Natani still felt a bit shaky about everything, but that was clear enough. He reached out to touch Keith's face, ruffling the short fur on his muzzle before moving on to his neck. He nudged the collar, setting the bell off. They shared a smile at that, and Natani raised his hand higher, to the top of Keith's head, to give his ears a rub. Keith closed his eyes and rubbed back.

Natani sighed. "I really wish I could."

"Could what?"

"Just... all of it. Make you mine."

Keith gave him a flat look. "Ever think there might be a way that doesn't involve sticking something in me?"

"Like what?"

"Like giving me a collar."

Oh.

Natani's hand went back to the collar, and he played for a moment with the bell. He looked at Keith, still looking back at him flatly, waiting for him to say the words. But why speak when you can do better? With Natani leaning against the table, they were about the same height. He tugged on the collar, bringing Keith in for a kiss.

Natani understood something, then, in the kiss, as the last of Keith's defiance flickered out. It wasn't that Natani had ever overpowered him, though maybe he had. Keith would let Natani claim him, and take charge, so he himself could yield. Feel wanted.

Loved.

It was as far from being weak as you could get. Natani didn't think he could have done the same, just... asked for it. Plainly and with no pretense.

But he could answer, even if that meant feeding a hunger he could not sate, his kiss making promises this body couldn't keep. So answer he did. Natani kept his hold on the collar, and it was a long while before he let Keith come up for air, panting.

The basitin leaned his head against Natani's chest. "I missed that."

Natani slipped his arms around Keith, down to his hips, and pulled him closer. "I'm sorry. It's just..."

Just that it made him want things he couldn't have.

Keith's ear brushed against Natani's muzzle, and he could hear the smile in the basitin's voice. "Are you going to make it up to me?"

How could he? He couldn't...

He couldn't do what he yearned to do, but so what?

Make it about Keith.

Do what you can.

He slid his hands under Keith's shirt, and the basitin shivered at his touch. Just ticklishness, or anticipation? Natani pulled the shirt up and Keith co-operated, raising his arms so Natani could get it off, leaving him bare from the waist up. Except for the collar. He grabbed Keith and spun them around, lifting the basitin up to sit him down on the table, the movements accompanied by the chiming of the bell. Natani kissed him again, pushing hard, and Keith leaned back. Natani butted the basitin's chest with his muzzle, and with a little mewl, Keith toppled onto his back. Natani let his hunger guide him, nuzzling and licking his way across Keith's chest to his stomach. He could feel the basitin's muscles flexing as he squirmed, hard against his muzzle, Keith's appearance belying his strength. As he reached Keith's belt, he could feel, too, the hard bulge of the basitin's erection still trapped in his pants, and the sheer heat of it against his muzzle, even through the fabric. The scent was more tantalizing than he wanted to admit. He pushed his tongue lower, under Keith's straining belt, and tasted hot flesh before a jerk of the basitin's hips broke the contact.

Natani nibbled low on Keith's stomach, grazing the basitin's loins carefully with his teeth, and felt Keith's cock surge even as the basitin drew in a hissing breath. Natani switched to licking, and Keith shuddered under his tongue. So his stomach was pretty sensitive...

Natani traveled back up Keith's body, kissing, licking, nuzzling, Keith's hands hovering behind his head, keeping Natani away from his sensitive sides, guiding him higher, higher... Natani nudged the collar with his muzzle, then licked at Keith's throat, feeling the basitin's pulse tremble under him, feeling his pounding heartbeat and ragged breathing. Natani drew fully up along Keith's body and kissed him, spreading his legs wider to pin him against the table with both muzzle and hips. Keith's arms wrapped around Natani's neck, pulling him closer as he begged for more, and he felt the basitin throb hard against his stomach. Keith's legs scurried along Natani's, looking for a place to rest, hitting his tail, finally hooking over its base. Natani thrust with his hips, grinding against Keith, and didn't let himself think of how lacking that was. Keith grinded back, trying to find more friction, whimpering with need.

Natani leaned hard on one elbow and snaked a hand between them, looking to give Keith what he sought. He got two fingers under the belt and found the tip of Keith's cock, hot and slick with his arousal. He trapped it between his two fingers and his thumb, pressing down through the fabric, all pinned between their two bodies. Keith got even needier, and Natani broke the kiss, about to tell him to unbuckle his damn belt, but just at that moment the basitin jerked under him, hard, and Natani felt the sticky heat of Keith's seed on his hand. In pulses it came, each accompanied by a fitful jerk. Keith moaned out his shuddering release, eyes half-lidded, mouth hanging open.

Natani was transfixed.

Eventually, the spurts ended and Keith's body went lax, his arms falling away from around Natani as he let out a huge breath. Natani pulled his hand out of the basitin's pants. Keith was still hard, and shuddered at the loss of contact, then groaned happily. Natani looked at his fingers, messy with Keith. Curiosity won and he took a lick, tasting him. It was very thick on his tongue, and slightly tangy, but not unpleasant. He moved his hand to the nearly insensate basitin's muzzle, and Keith sensed it there, his tongue darting out to lap at it. Natani let him draw the fingers into his mouth and lick them clean.

That was the moment he really believed Keith was for real.

If only...!

Natani withdrew his fingers, and Keith finally opened his eyes fully, searching out his face. Natani kissed him, and Keith smiled woozily. "That was incredible."

It had been, but frustration warred with joy in Natani. Would that he had more than fingers for Keith to suck on. Still, he found a genuine smile for the goofy basitin. He could make Keith happy, and that was far from nothing. "I'll take better care of you in the future. Shouldn't let you get that pent up." He stuck out his tongue. "Can't be healthy."

Keith laughed, then unhooked his legs from around Natani and struggled to sit up. Natani helped him, and when they were face to face, Keith put his arms around Natani's neck.

"Natani... I want to make you feel like that." Keith smiled at Natani's expression. "If you say I can't, of course I won't. But if I can, I want to, because that was... I don't have words for that was. But I want to give it to you."

"Keith..."

"It isn't about your body."

"But you want to touch me."

Keith kissed him. So, so gentle. "Because touching your body is the only way I can touch you."

Natani licked his lips and swallowed. Keith wasn't going to shy away from this. He had to give an answer. And to Natani's shock, he said the most true thing. "I'm scared that I won't like it. And I'm terrified that I will."

"Well..." Keith took one of his hands to his neck, flicking the bell on his collar. "Whatever happens, some things won't change. And some already have. So..." He drew a breath, then released it. "Do we find out?"

Natani felt very tight. What can you do, when you can only do what you can? He nodded, a tiny motion. "Yeah."

Keith took his hand from the collar, leaving the bell chiming, and touched Natani's stomach, on top of his vest. Palm against Natani, fingers pointed down, threatening, promising. Natani didn't balk, but he knew Keith could feel how tense he was. Still, the basitin slowly, slowly slid his hand lower. Lower. Into the top of his pants. Natani shivered when he felt Keith carefully probing his mound, then slip past to the dampness of his lips. The basitin's touch was like fire. Natani whimpered, hating that he did, and Keith withdrew his hand.

Natani could smell his own arousal, and knew Keith could too. The basitin brought his hand up to his nose. He took a good whiff of Natani's scent, then swallowed, hard. He licked his fingers, tasting Natani's arousal, then with a smile, offered his hand to Natani.

He was nonplussed, but it was only fair. Natani tasted himself, for the first time, and would have liked it much better if it had been someone else.

But he didn't hate it.

"Can you show me?"

Natani blushed, but at this point... he stepped back and pulled down his trousers, getting it over with as quickly as he could. He was mortified, but somewhere, deep down, he was also completely unwilling to let that stop him.

Keith hopped off the table, and gestured at it. "Would you?"

Natani didn't quite sit on the table, but leaned against it, his feet still on the floor, arms braced against the edge of the table. Keith came to him, a little to one side, and leaned forward to kiss him. As he did, his erection poked at Natani's hip, and Natani knew that was why he hadn't come head on. That was how careful he was being. Keith kissed him again, all love and reassurance, then drew back and lower, placing a kiss on the middle of his chest, vest and bindings and all. The bell chimed as Keith made a small nudge with his head; a much gentler question than Natani had asked. Do you want to lean back? No? Okay.

Keith went down to his knees, and Natani could barely bear to look at him, looking at him. Keith placed a hand on Natani's thigh, then looked up at him. Natani nodded, and Keith touched him again.

He was very gentle as he explored Natani with his fingers, getting a better look than Natani probably ever had. It felt so weird. It was only because it was Keith that he didn't bolt, and then only by a hair.

Keith brought his slickened fingers to his muzzle and licked them, closing his eyes for a moment. He breathed in, then cleared his throat and looked up at Natani. "Can I, ah, use my tongue?"

"Y-yeah."

Keith started at the side of his groin. It felt ticklish and odd, but as Keith slowly roamed around, without circling in, it allowed Natani to get a little accustomed to feeling his tongue where no tongue had ever been felt, and the edge of the moment began to dull. He might even live through this.

Finally, Keith got closer, then closer again, then ran his tongue across Natani's lips, making him shudder, then tugged at them with his lips. Keith licked deep, savoring the taste, his tongue running over both sides, then gently probing at Natani's opening. Keith lapped at him, then honed in again, pushing ever so slightly against him, knocking at his door.

Leaning against it.

Natani whimpered at the sensation. It was much better than he could have imagined, and much, much worse. And Keith hadn't even found the nub yet.

Keith sat back on his haunches, his breathing a little uneven. Natani felt more ragged than he looked. Keith swallowed loudly, then looked up at him. "I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm..." he cleared his throat. "I'm happy to keep going, but Natani, do you ever... touch yourself?"

Natani blushed, looking away. "S-sometimes, when I'm in heat. It makes it easier. For a bit."

"Could you show me?"

"Keith...!"

"Please?"

Natani couldn't believe he was doing it, but he brought a hand down and showed Keith, first running his fingers a few times along his lips to slick them, then higher, rubbing slow circles around the nub, shooting tingles up his spine. With a sick horror he realized he didn't want to take his hand away. He wasn't in heat, but he wanted the release.

Keith might be as bad for him as estrus.

Natani tightened his circle, stifling a moan, then backed away, the stimulation too strong.

Keith was incredulous. "There?!"

"Y-yeah. But keep doing what you were doing..."

Keith did, putting his tongue back to work but staying out of Natani's way, the little bell chiming as he focused first on Natani's lips, then circled the entrance before once more pressing his tongue against Natani's opening, almost slipping in.

Natani almost wanted him to. The old, hated sensations of touching himself were blending with what Keith was doing, and together they were becoming a new thing.

Somehow, Keith was making it okay.

It wasn't about the body. It was about him.

Natani wasn't pleasuring the body -- he wasn't even in estrus! -- he was pleasuring himself.

And Keith...

Natani was almost there, but this wasn't how he wanted to finish. He drew his hand back, and Keith looked up at him, curious. Natani's voice was hoarse. "Keith. Your tongue. The nub, a little higher. Be very care--"

Keith found the nub, and his tongue was just right, sending sharp shocks up Natani's spine as he gasped for breath. Keith looked at him, alarmed. Natani was beyond words, but silently willed the basitin to continue. He did, and as Natani's release built up like never before, he realized his leg was trembling. Keith helped to brace him against the table, but never stopped with his tongue. Circling him. Tighter.

Tighter.

Natani came, biting his fist to stifle a scream that would have brought people running. His hips bucked, completely outside his control, and for a moment Keith was gone -- but a heartbeat later the basitin found him again, pressing even harder, speeding Natani on as he crashed through wave after wave of his orgasm, hanging on as he twitched and jerked, his body and soul both wracked with pleasure far beyond anything his own hands had ever wrought, far beyond anything he had ever imagined possible.

And still Keith just...

At the end of it, all Natani could do was slide off the table rather than fall. He collected Keith on his way down, pulling the basitin close, somehow finding the strength to hold him tight. Keith squirmed in his arms, setting off chimes, and Natani smiled. His basitin. Natani gave Keith some room, and he turned to face him.

Keith smiled at him, and was utterly beautiful. He sounded amused. "Is that what I looked like?"

Natani kissed him. "If I'm a complete mess, then yes. Keith..." Were there any words? Maybe there were. "I love you." The basitin blushed beautifully, and Natani thought to wonder if he'd ever spoken the words before. "I love you, and you're mine, and I'm never letting you go."

He was still himself.

Keith looked at him, with the kind of honesty that made Natani's heart catch. "Promise?"

Natani freed up one hand from around Keith, so he could stroke his ears. "Promise."

Keith nuzzled against Natani's neck, burrowing into the collar of his vest, and as they shifted against each other, Natani could feel a very familiar bulge against his thigh.

He rubbed against it. "Didn't you go soft at all?"

Keith laughed weakly. "I'm not sure I'm ever going to not be hard around you again."

Natani grinned. "Well, we should see about that. Clearly you're still too pent--"

There was a loud knock at the door. "Are you guys still sleeping? It's time to go!"

---

Continued in Chapter 2