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Shifting Consequences--Chapter 6: Absurd Skinny Dipping

By: Zmeydros AKA Lucien Quinn

zmeydros (Twitter), Malfedrosti (Mal Twitter), zmeydros.tumblr.com

Glenn and Zack leave the the tent and head for the lake. Neither of them is wearing any clothing and they have each other's bodily fluids on them. "Feels good to be outside in the nude, but I bet it would feel even better if I was in my dragon form."

"Thinking about being outside in my form gives me goosebumps... Last one in has to clean up our mess." Glenn sprints toward the lake.

The moment Zack sees Glenn pass him, he takes off for the lake. He passes Glenn and generates a large splash as he jumps into the water. When Zack turns around he sees Glenn's surprised face.

"What the hell, Zack? I've never seen any animal run at that speed. I felt a strong breeze when you passed me." Glenn gets into the water. "What on earth are you? You can transform, you have crazy strength, and you can run faster than a horse."

"I guess I'm a superhero or something." The water feels so warm and refreshing.

A chuckle comes from Glenn. "What would your superhero name be?"

"My full name is Zack Allen Graff, so my initials spell the word Zag. I think that would be a cool superhero name."

"That actually sounds kind of cool."

"I feel like I might have to add something to it, though..." Zack dives under the water to wash off the remnants of all the sex he's had in the last couple days. When he finally runs out of air he comes back to the surface. Glenn is yelling at him.

"Zack! I thought you drowned." The worry on Glenn's face is almost comical.

Zack smirks at Glenn. "I wasn't under the water that long."

"I'd say more than five minutes. I started to clean myself and then I started to worry that you drowned and then I started yelling your name. I gave up about a minute before you surfaced."

"You have to be joking. The longest I've ever held my breath is about three minutes and I was stationary at the time. I was moving most of the time I was under the water, so I couldn't have beat my previous time unless I've acquired that ability along with my strength and speed."

"Just trust-never mind. If you think about it, your speed would require your body to process oxygen more efficiently... I'm getting my watch out of the tent. I want to know how long you were under the water. If you remain stationary you may be able to break the world record. Heh, we won't know for sure, though, because I don't think either of us knows what the world record is." Glenn runs toward the tent.

Zack rolls his eyes at Glenn. Maybe he can hold his breath for more than five minutes... Holding his breath for that long isn't that useful even if he can do it. His strength, speed and heightened senses are...

A sudden wave of dizziness hits him and he walks up to the shore of the lake. After he sits down the world goes fuzzy. Stars appear in his vision as the world fades to black. He can feel his head hitting the shore, but the sensation feels so distant. Another reality is coming into focus.

* * * * *

Where is he? Zack looks at the walls of the hexagonal funnel-shaped room that he is now in. The walls are made out of white stones that have glowing orange writing on them. The writing on the stones is changing slowly. He doesn't recognize the language, but some of the symbols look like a cross between Thai and Arabic.

Looking down, Zack can see that he is standing on a narrow slab of white stone that is jutting out from the wall. He feels a bit off balance due to the odd shape of the room and the shifting of the letters on the stones. Zack looks down at his naked body. Well, at least it isn't cold in here.

A booming voice comes from above him. "Nice to have you join me, Zack."

"Umm, I don't recall having a choice in the matter." Zack looks for the source of the voice.

"You didn't, but that does not make your presence any less enjoyable... Do you recognize my voice?"

A chill runs down Zack's spine. He does remember this voice. "You're the entity that took Bella away."

"Very astute." A bright light appears in the center of the room and a being steps through the light. This being's features keep shifting between male and female. Its hair looks like strands of copper and its eyes have an eerie orange glow. The four horns on its head look like twisted metal. A long thin tail drifts behind it. "Before you ask any questions let me answer them and ask some of my own."

Zack tilts his head. This conversation is going to be a bit one-way. The robe this being is wearing is dark blue, but parts of the robe keep randomly becoming transparent.

"I am Malfedrosti, the god of absurdity. You may call me Mal and refer to me as 'he,' even though no gender pronoun actually fits my form. Have you been enjoying your transformations?" A curious expression appears on Mal's face and then disappears.

"Yes, actually. What does a go-" Mal starts talking before Zack can finish his sentence.

"D of absurdity do? I make unusually absurd things happen. I made up the position I hold and I enjoyed it until it started to bore me. When Bella decided to cast her spell on you I leapt at the chance to make your world more interesting. You have a very boring world. She's alive, by the way. I enjoyed being melodramatic when I took her away-you should have seen the look on your face." Mal's face morphs into Zack's surprised face.

This is not what Zack wanted at all. Mal is almost too eccentric. "Can I ask a question now?"

"Nope, I bet you're wondering why you can transform. Bella was going to cast a spell that turned you into her personal sex slave for a couple weeks." Mal looks off into the distance and then smiles broadly. "I'm pretty sure she would have transformed you into an anthropomorphic herm dragon for part of that time, because she loves dragons and herms... She is far too interesting to kill... The reason I interfered was that she was acting out of anger and not thinking things through. When I touched your reality I decided that it would be fun to change her spell to get the effects you have observed. You can ask me a question now, but don't ask me about myself or this place. I don't feel like explaining any of that to you right now."

"Is my body still lying next to the lake?" Zack wants to start simple.

"Yes."

"Is there any way we can let Glenn know that I'm okay?"

Mal puts a finger up to his chin. "Done. Now do you have a more interesting question?"

What an impatient being. Zack looks Mal in the eye. "Do the people I transform cause other people to transform?"

A smirk appears on Mal's face. "They can."

Being toyed with is not one of Zack's favorite activities. "Could you expand on that please?"

"I'm able to, but I won't. It's no fun if you know how it all works. I think I know another question you'd want to ask me. I brought you here to talk to me for three reasons." The absurd god holds up three fingers and counts down on his hand as he names off his reasons. "Number one is that I want to know if you'd be willing to let Bella come along with you so that she can redeem herself-she may be very useful to you. Number two is, if you could have one magical power what would you want it to be? And number three is that I wanted to know if you would accept my help if you got in a tough situation."

Annoyance burns in Zack's mind. "She was going to turn me into her personal sex slave because she thought I had done something to her friend. I'm not sure I want-"

"Answer my second question." Mal holds up two fingers, but a third finger keeps flickering into and out of existence.

The flickering finger distracts Zack for a moment. "But I was-"

Holding up a hand, Mal makes the number two appear in hundreds of different scripts. They are all flying randomly through the room and colliding with each other. "Trying to answer my first question? Answer the second one and you'll understand. Try to be reasonable about the magical power you choose. If it's too overpowered it's much less interesting."

A magical power, huh? Why did Mal even ask him this question? Oh well, there's no harm in answering it. What would be very versatile and cool at the same time... "I'd want to be able to generate and control electrical energy."

"Good choice." The look on Mal's face becomes confident. "I'll give you that magical power if you take care of Bella. Does that change your answer?"

Why didn't he see this coming? Mal's got him by the balls. Not only does he think it would be incredibly cool to be able to control electricity, he knows that power would help him a lot if things got out of hand with the government. Will Mal even fulfill his part of the bargain? Why would Mal ask him if he wants to take Bella if he's just going to give him Bella anyway? He is the god of absurdity, so this exercise in critical thinking could be completely meaningless. It's better to have a chance of getting something out of accepting Bella than to just have Mal dump Bella in his lap, though. "Yes. I'll let Bella join us."

"Good. Bella will make your trip much more interesting. If you prove to me that you are capable with magic I'll allow you to become more powerful. You won't have to cast spells, it'll be an innate ability." Crossing his arms, Mal moves closer to Zack. "Stun your opponents whenever possible and avoid killing them. My compatriots get angry with me if I cause too much death."

"I see, that makes me feel a lot better about you and your compatriots."

Mal frowns. "I don't like rules, so I don't share your sentiment."

This doesn't surprise Zack at all. His mind focuses on something else. There's one loose end he needs to tie up. He needs an out in case Bella turns on him again. "If Bella tries to hurt me again or is a burden on my journey, will you take her back without taking away my electrical powers?"

"Yes. Please continue to answer my last question."

"All right, I'll take her once we get a car. Right now there isn't enough room in the tr-"

"Fine, fine. Continue." Mal waves his hand dismissively.

"I would accept your help, but I would exhaust every other option before I did." Zack takes a deep breath, not sure if he should continue. "I honestly can't say that I fully trust you yet."

"I appreciate your honesty and I encourage you not to trust me. I may decide not to help you simply because I think it would be more interesting not to. I have one other question. How much do you like the ability to switch genders? I thought you might be too normal to enjoy it." The look of interest in Mal's face is a bit disconcerting.

Somehow admitting his enjoyment of it feels awkward and maybe that is the point of Mal's inquiry. "Well, I, uh, really like it. I like sex a lot more now." Looking down, Zack shifts his weight. He's officially abnormal now.

"I'm enjoying watching you have sex. You really know how to live in the moment and make things pleasurable for both you and the people you couple with. I'd probably bed you if you were one of my kind." One of Mal's hands briefly touches his chest.

Trying not to blush, Zack thinks about something else. "So how did you get bored with absurdity?"

"I reversed the word 'halal' so that it read 'lalah' on every sign in the Bronx area of New York City, and it took the people there two weeks to notice that all the signs had been changed." Mal shakes his head in disappointment. "Then they decided that it was a concerted effort against the Muslim community and started taking donations to change the signs back. No fighting, almost no news coverage, no mention of it on comedy programs, and no public outrage. I figured that I must have run out of good ideas and I was considering asking for a new position when Bella's spell gave me an idea. You know what happened next."

Thinking for a moment Zack tilts his head. "So, you're responsible for some of the humorously misspelt signs that-"

"Of course I am. I'm also the source of many internet memes. Ever wondered how a meme gets so widespread so quickly? I inspire multiple people to create the same meme at that same time. Enough about me. I'm sure we'll get to know each other well as time moves in a forward direction." Mal smirks. "I look forward to seeing your reaction to the method I used to tell Glenn that you were okay."

Zack sees Mel's reality fading. "Wait, I have more questions."

"You don't have to be here to talk to me. Just don't call on me too often. I'm supposed to watch more than I interact." Reaching out with one of his slender hands, Mal touches Zack's cheek.

The flurry of sensations that hit Zack are very disconcerting. He feels as if he's falling, being tickled, slapped in the face, groped, and burning. When Mal kisses him on the lips he feels a wave of pleasure wash over him as his penis becomes hard as a rock. Mal's lips feel like icy flames. Mal's lips move to one of Zack's nipples and an orgasm washes over him right then. Before he can react, Mal suckles his erect cock and he cums in Mal's mouth.

Mal stands up and swallows. "Mmm, you taste good-I wish I could feel that shaft inside me without causing your heart to stop. Our existences just don't intersect in the right way... I gave you the ability to cum many times a day; don't waste this gift. You now have the magical ability I agreed to give you. Try it out when you wake up in your world so that you know I've carried out my part of the bargain."

Everything seems fuzzy to Zack. It isn't the best orgasm he's had, and it actually felt forced-like he came before he was ready to. He's feeling disconnected. It's as if something otherworldly assaulted his mind. Words have escaped him.

"Time for you to go." Malfedrosti waves his hand dismissively.

* * * * *

Glenn's face is staring down at Zack. "Zack! You won't believe what happened while you were out."

Zack just stares at Glenn for a moment, feeling an eerie form of afterglow. "You'd be surprised what I'm willing to believe right now." Sitting up, Zack looks at the dirt on his skin.

"Oh yeah? Get this." Glenn points at the lake. "I was worried that you had fallen into a coma and then a fish suddenly jumped out of the lake onto the shore and said, 'Zack will be fine. Can you throw me back in the lake now?' I thought I had gone completely insane, but I didn't want the fish to die so I picked it up and it said 'thanks,' before I tossed it back into the lake."

Laughter hits Zack hard. "That was great, Mal... Glenn, I met the god of absurdity when I was out cold and he's the one who made that fish talk. He also is respon-"

"Wait, you met the god of absurdity? I didn't even know that there was one. What does he look like?" A look of complete fascination is on Glenn's face.

"His features keep changing between male and female and he has these eerie orange glowing eyes. You believe that I met him?" This dirt is very annoying. Zack gets up and then wades into the lake.

Glenn looks thoughtful. "Before that fish talked to me I wouldn't have, but now I'm glad there's an explanation for it. I still thought I had lost my mind when you came to."

Cleaning the dirt off, Zack wonders about his sanity. If both he and Glenn are insane, their hallucinations are surprisingly compatible. "I think we're fine. Let me get cleaned up and I'll show you something." He washes the rest of the dirt off and walks back onto the shore.

"What are you going to show me?" Glenn looks at Zack expectantly.

Zack concentrates on a tree near him and focuses on sending a lightning bolt to it. He feels an electrical charge build on his hand and then suddenly a bolt of lightning arcs from his hand to the tree, which starts on fire. "Oh, crap!"

"Dude! You just shot a fucking lightning bolt from your fucking hand! How'd you do that?" The movements of Glenn's hands are very animated as he almost jumps up and down in excitement.

"Shut up and help me put it out." Zack looks around for something to carry water.

"Oh, right..." Glenn points toward the campsite. "Run using your insane speed and get the pot that's in the red bag at the campsite."

Turning toward the campsite, Zack breaks into a fast sprint. The air whistles by his ears until he reaches the red bag and tries to slow down. He passes the red bag by a few feet and has to backtrack. After he gets the pot out of it he sprints toward the lake. When he passes the tree he notices that it's no longer on fire and stops next to Glenn, who has mud all over his hands. The tree also has mud on it.

Glenn itches his nose with his wrist. "I figured out a faster solution. Let me get this mud off of my hands and you can explain how you are suddenly able to generate lightning bolts." He starts walking toward the lake.

Following Glenn, Zack plays with the pot in his hands. "Nice save-I guess I'll have to be more careful with my gift... Mal, the god of absurdity gave me the ability to manipulate electricity in exchange for me taking care of Bella."

"Wait, wasn't Bella the one who cast a spell on you and got taken away by a giant glowing hand?" Glenn reaches out with his hand, pretends to grab something and pull it toward him.

Zack nods. "That's her. She apparently has some anger issues, but she was a pretty decent person before that incident in the cafeteria. Mal thinks our trip will be more fun to watch if she comes with us. I'm not sure I want our trip to be more interesting, but being able to generate lightning bolts is probably worth it."

For a moment Glenn just stands there staring off into the distance. "Yesterday I was a policeman; every day of my life was so similar, so normal. But now I'm talking to a man who can turn into a dragon, and that man just collapsed, made a deal with Mal-the god of absurdity-and can shoot lightning out of his hands. I like how exciting my life has gotten, but right now I'm overwhelmed. Let's eat and set out to get the car. We can talk more on the way."

"Yeah... I could start the fire with lightning!" The implications of his new ability are surfacing in his mind. Zack is practically bouncing up and down. Can he create EMP's? Can he cause explosions by putting a lot of current through a thin wire? Can he heat up metal by creating an induction field? The possibilities are endless.

Laughter doubles Glenn over. Zack looks like a little kid who just got a ray gun for Christmas or a geek that just met Stephen Hawking. Slowly, he regains control over himself. "You're hilarious."

"I got a little carried away there. Let's go eat lunch." Trying to look like an adult again, Zack stands up tall and starts walking toward the camp site.

Glenn chuckles as he follows Zack.

* * * *

After eating lunch, dressing, and loading things into the truck Glenn and Zack are on their way to Madison.

"Well, Mal sounds like an interesting fellow... I still can't get my head around how there can be a god of absurdity. It just doesn't make sense." Glenn's eyebrows are drawn together.

"I think that's the point." Zack fidgets with a button on his green short sleeve shirt.

"Huh?"

Letting go of his shirt, Zack looks at Glenn. "He's the god of absurdity. Even his position is absurd. I don't expect anything he does to make sense. If it made sense he wouldn't be doing a very good job."

A chuckle comes from Glenn. "When you look at it that way I guess it actually makes sense... Or doesn't make sense, which makes sense because it's not supposed to. Gah! This is terrible."

Zack starts to laugh so hard that his sides hurt. He slaps his leg. Soon Glenn joins him and has to pull over. After they both wipe the tears from their eyes, Zack kisses Glenn on the cheek. "That was epic."

"Heh, it reminds me of the time that I tried to tell someone that I knew that they knew that I knew that they knew I had a boyfriend." A crooked smirk is on Glenn's face as he gestures back and forth with his hand.

"Was that before or after you were out of the closet?" Zack smiles at Glenn.

Looking both ways, Glenn pulls back onto the highway. "I was turning the knob of the closet door. A month or so later I told my mom that I was gay and she gave me a speech about how God didn't like homosexuals."

"That sucks. That's one of the reasons that I'm not very religious." Zack shakes his head.

"Tell me about it." Glenn looks in the rear view mirror briefly. "I told her that I wasn't sure I wanted to worship a God who disapproved of my lifestyle and she asked me to leave the house. A couple weeks later she apologized and said that she and Dad missed me. When I moved back in she told me that she didn't want to lose me just because I was gay. After that my parents were supportive. We never talked about religion again, though."

"That's probably for the best."

Glenn sighs. "I probably need to look again at my religious views anyway now that I know Mal exists." He smiles at Zack. "I've got pretty nice car lined up for us. It's a Chevy Prizm with very few miles on it. The seller said that it was his grandmother's. It's in Middleton, which is just west of Madison. The best thing about Middleton is that it has no surveillance."

"I feel safer already." Something catches Zack's eye-it's an old wooden silo that is rotted out and tilting sideways. "Glenn, look at this silo." He points at it.

"Whoa, that silo looks like it's going to tip over any minute now." Leaning forward to get a better look as they pass it, Glenn swerves a bit.

"Glenn, you're drifting over the yellow line!" A car is coming from the opposite direction. Zack relaxes and puts his arms at his sides in preparation for a crash.

Getting control of the car, Glenn swerves back into his lane, missing the oncoming car by a few feet. "I'm glad you were paying attention. That's the closest I've ever gotten to a head-on collision."

"I shouldn't have distracted you." Zack pats Glenn on the shoulder. "It was awesome how fast you got the car back under control."

"I know this'll sound funny, but I learned how to do that in cop school." Glenn smirks.

The crooked smirk on Glenn's face causes Zack to smile. "Actually, that makes a lot of sense. I bet you can pull some mean stunts with a vehicle."

"Let's hope I never have to show you what I can do." Glenn's smirk gives way to a grin. "I've got an idea. When we're on the outskirts of Middleton I think I should give you a blowjob."

A giggle comes from Zack. "What?"

"We'll both transform so that we can change our appearances. I'll try to change my face a bit, gain a some muscle and grow a bit taller. You can turn into an attractive woman, but I think you might want to do without the monster clit." Glenn points at Zack's crotch.

"Aww, do I have to?" Zack makes a sad face.

Glenn chuckles. "Yes. I don't want you to have to hide behind me every time you get a clitoral erection."

"Heh, I like clitoral erections, but they are a bit obvious..." Reaching toward his crotch, Zack thinks about the fun he had after he woke up. "How much longer until we get to the outskirts of Middleton?"

"About an hour. We're going to stash our camping supplies in one place, ditch the truck in another, and then catch a cab to meet the seller of our car." One of Glenn's hands pretends to point at each location on an invisible map.

"How are we going to contact the seller? Your cell phone is buried in the forest." Zack tilts hie head.

"I told the seller that I would be out of touch the day of the sale until I showed up to buy the car. I called him yesterday before I broke you out."

"That works. I look forward to my blowjob." Zack grins at Glenn.

"As do I." Quickly, Glenn reaches down and pokes Zack in the crotch. "I really want to taste your cock."

"That's the sweetest thing a gay homosexual has ever said to me." Zack starts to laugh at his own joke.

Glenn laughs. "Gay homosexual? Isn't that a little repetitive?"

"You're gayer than most homosexuals. So I had to add gay to my statement."

Faking an angry look, Glenn smacks Zack on the shoulder. "I'm gonna get you for that one."

"Oooh, are you gonna fuck me in the ass?" Zack grabs Glenn's arm. "Please punish my ass with your giant shaft."

Glenn bursts out laughing. "Now who's a gay homosexual?"

Laughter is all Zack manages in response.