FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Everything was going good between Justin and I. We obviously had our hiccups from time to time. But what is a relationship without fighting? Non-physical fighting, might I add. Just mostly arguing about how I don't respond when I get home from work, to which I say I've had a shitty day and I just want to smoke and relax. He'll finally relent and just leave me be for a while and then come back, tackle me, force me to talk, we laugh, then we move on with our night. It was nice, being able to lay in bed, naked with my tiger. The only thing I needed to get accustom to is he doesn't really have a sex drive. Or, what I should say, he only likes to be blown, rarely does he want to have sex. Which is fine, my muzzle was practically built for blowjobs. But after almost three months of not receiving any types of reciprocation, nothing at all, it became tiresome.

He'd just start playing with his dick, whipping it around, flaunting it, holding his balls in his paws. Most times I went to it, sucked it for a bit and then stopped while he begged me to keep going. I'd tell him to do stuff to me and he'd just say, "Whatever" and sit up and grab the blunt and start smoking. Which I was okay with most times. I would just wait for him to go to work and watch porn and jerk off, it was fine. I only sometimes felt a little used, but I usually shoved those feeling aside. He loved me, he just wasn't sexual sometimes. It was rare if he was, that's how he's been throughout our relationship. It took a while to get used to. At the beginning it was different, he was very touchy and close. But who isn't at the beginning? I've tried talking to him about it but he never seems to understand what I'm saying. When I was still going to classes, I even tried to talk to him about it with my school therapist. Even then, with professional help, it fell on deaf ears.

Which was fine. I just wish I felt heard. I always jokingly chalked it up to the size of his ears and not being able to hear as much as mine. My therapist called it coping. I didn't know what to call it.

"What're you thinking about?" Justin asked after taking a hit.

"You." I turned to him and rested my head on his stomach.

He made a big show of recoiling in disgust (jokingly, of course) and pushed me off. "Ahhh! Help! He's touching me and I don't consent!"

"Ass," I said, forcing myself to chuckle.

I think he noticed. "So, seriously: What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Justin," I laughed, a little more believable. "I told you I was just thinking of you. And how big you are."

He smiled and put down the blunt on the ash tray. He started playing with his dick, whipping it around, getting it hard. "I mean," he breathed, "you could suck it."

I laughed and took the blunt from the tray. "I've sucked your dick the last three days and got nothing back. I'm not falling for it again."

"What do you mean, 'got nothing back'?"

Shit, here we go. "I mean, about me not getting anything back. As in you not like doing anything to me. Like, ever. Sometimes."

I took a hit and waited for the sigh. And right on cue, there it was. "Ok, Scout, you want me to do stuff to you I can."

"I mean I want it," I replied. "But, not now. Like I don't want to have to tell you to do something to me. I want it to be a natural thing where I'm doing stuff for you, I want you to just be like 'Oh, he's my boyfriend; I'll just do it' or something. I don't know. I just want to feel like I'm an equal."

"Oh, here we go," Justin waved his paws in the air, mocking me. "Now Scout doesn't feel like an equal."

"Can you blame me?" It was like I lit a fire and he glanced at me with a fiery gaze. I ducked my head and sucked on the blunt. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. It's fine. If you want me to suck you off, I will."

"Why are you acting like that?"

"You look like...I don't know. That look scares me."

"Why?"

"Because," I stuttered, "that look."

"What look?"

"That look you just gave me. It was the same one you gave me the other time."

"What other time?"

"When..." I trailed off and rubbed my claws against the small piece missing from my ear.

His tail lashed against the bed, making me jump. "So, you're scared of me?"

My ears flew back and my tail curled around me. "No, I promise no. Just that, the look is...intimidating."

I jumped when he snatched the blunt from my paws. I thought he was about to grab my wrist and pull me to him. He sat there for a second, blunt in his paw, just staring at me. I didn't know what to do. Honestly, I never know what to do.

"So, you're scared of me." This time it wasn't a question, and his tail made an audible thwack sound against the bed, making me jump a little. "I don't even need you to lie this time. You always jump when I go in to touch you or hit you with my tail. And I don't even hit you hard with it."

"Look," I said, putting my paw on his forearm which he pulled away from me, "I don't want you to think I'm scared of you. Just some things you've done. It's a reflex. Foxes aren't a muscular species, we're not built to fight with fists. Most of us." I sighed. "What I'm trying to say is: I love you, and I don't want you to think I'm scared of you, because I know you won't do... that, again. I just want to be touched from time to time. Maybe cuddling here and there or kissing or rubbing or just playing with my ass. Like you used to."

At the last part, my ears drooped and his perked up and slowly drifted towards me. It's true. And he knows it. We used to be so...adventurous. I remember fucking in the backseat of my car at the mall near my college because that's just what we did. He'd wrap his arm around me or he'd slyly grab my butt for a couple seconds and before we knew it we'd be in a stall or behind a building going at it. He used to be so loving and physical. I know relationships change after a while, and I know that sex isn't everything, but if you love someone, aren't you allowed to show it in a way you want to? Or be able to receive love in a way you want to? It's always about showing the other person what they want, giving everything you can to make the other happy. But, why don't I feel happy sometimes? Sex isn't everything, but it's something in my life that I desire when I'm in a relationship. I desire that sense of oneness with the person I choose to be with. Doesn't that count for something?

"Ok, Scout, but I'm tired," he sighed and relaxed his twitching tail. "I work to support you, and to keep a roof over your head. What more do you want?"

"And I don't?"

He growled. "Don't take that fucking tone with me."

My tail wrapped tight around my waist and I shut my muzzle. I sat there frozen and muttered, "Sorry."

He threw his paws in the air. "See, that's what I'm talking about."

"What?"

"'What?' Don't act stupid, Scout, you know exactly what. You always act like a scared little bitch. All the fucking time. How the fuck is that supposed to make me feel? But, I forgot, I'm always the bad guy. Still getting used to that role."

"I never said you were a bad guy," I spoke, but softly.

"You can't even look at me right now."

To prove him wrong, I met his eyes. They were a fiery gold, fierce. I couldn't keep my eyes on them. I hated when his eyes looked like that. It's how they looked before...

"I can. And I did. Can't we just watch T.V. and not talk about this. You're not a bad guy, and I'm not scared of you. I just want to enjoy an evening with my boyfriend and smoke and play video games with you." I looked at him, my tail unwrapping slowly and my ears perking up. "Please."

His eyes softened, but his voice didn't lose it's steel. "Fine, Scout."

Night's like that weren't common. But, when they happened, it just put the night in a shitty mood. He'd still be upset until about a couple hours later when he'd be playing video games and smoking a little bit more, and I'd have to hope that the monsters in the game didn't kill him and put him in an even worse mood. Luckily, that night he was surprisingly good, dodging at the right time and hitting the monster in it's weak point. Usually he was just okay at this game, I was the veteran having played this series since I was twelve. It was called Monster Hunter, and the purpose was to hunt monsters, plain and simple. It was such a strategic game to me, the old ones at least, having you learn the monsters move sets and mastering weapon types. I got Justin into the game and ever since it was something we liked to do together, taking turns on our respective characters.

We ended the night with a kiss and him apologizing for the incident again. I wrapped my arms around him and told him I loved him and to shut up. He laughed and pushed me off and went to his side of the bed. I went to mine and set my alarm on my phone for 6:45am. I had a morning shift. I hated those.

I woke up groggy, and went through the day the same way. I was a manager at a chain fish and reptile store, underpaid and overworked. Especially with this new manager. He always gave me five to six hour shifts, even though I pleaded with him to let me stay for eight hours because of my late bills. He'd finally relent after I worked my ass off to do his job for him and he'd leave early. I know he just did that to get me to do his work load, but I couldn't do anything. I'd tried talking to the district leader but he and my boss were friends so I was basically told to shut up about it. I usually didn't get a break because managers had to wait for other managers to get there, and whenever one did, it'd basically be my time to leave. I took to sitting in the back, where the cameras couldn't see me and laying down on the big packs of aspen snake bedding. It was good for my back, which had started to hurt me throughout the day, especially when it was truck night, which I always got stuck with.

I got a text from Justin, saying that we had another three days, till Thursday, to pay rent or we were kicked out. I didn't even have the energy to act appropriately, I just told him I'd take out another loan and we'd find a way to pay it back. Or I'd just be in more debt. He told me not to worry about it, that he had us covered. I didn't know what that meant, but I trusted him.

I texted him back that I loved him and I'd see him in a couple hours. He sent a heart back and told me that everything was going to be fine. I didn't know whether to believe him or not, but I didn't have the energy anymore to worry. So I dropped my phone back in my pocket and relaxed into the snake bedding before a "Manager to the front" page over the speaker system stirred me from my rest.