Archmage's Apprentice 1
A second-person adventure of the reader becoming an apprentice to a wizard.
(Master's voice is supposed to be British.)
((Also, I'm pretty sure there's something I was going to change but I don't remember what it was.))
The sun rises overhead at a castle surrounded by trees, mountains, and lakes. A castle of stone walls and massive towers. The Gordon Whiskerfellow Academy for Meowgic. It's current headmaster, Gordon Whiskerfellow XVI-II, is the second sixteenth Gordon Whiskerfellow to own the academy. There was an unfortunate incident with a rebellious Gordon Whiskerfellow breaking tradition and naming their child differently. Daisy Whiskerfellow decided it would be easier to start the numbers over again instead of continuing, so he named his son Gordon Whiskerfellow I-II, the second of the first. You are one of many students that are housed in this academy. The light bursts through the stained-glass windows of your bedroom, and your eyes slowly open. You struggle out of bed, don your blue robes, and head towards the door. You reach for the handle when you see a letter on the floor. It's a letter from the headmaster. He wants you to come to his office as soon as you can.
You head through the halls, passing by many students and teachers heading into their classrooms. Soon the only noise is of your footsteps echoing off the walls. You arrive at the headmaster's office, and knock. A few seconds later, the door is opened by a small, fat cat with grey fur and a pointy, blue hat.
"Yes...?" The headmaster grumbles slowly while rubbing his eyes, still half-asleep. You show him the letter. The wizened archmage is silent for a few moments. "Oh yes... come in..." You can't help but notice that the hat is the only thing he's wearing. "You woke me... from my nap..." You've never seen anyone in this academy naked before, let alone your own headmaster. "Let's see... who you're... apprenticing to... every year... *yawn* a student is sent off... to apprentice to a wizard... this year you were chosen..." You step inside the office. There's a painting of every previous headmaster on the wall. You also notice that no one else is here. You ask the headmaster where the wizard is. "They're randomly selected... I just need to... check something... in there..." He points to a chest near the window.
The headmaster walks up to the chest, lifts it, and scrounges around inside. You can see the headmaster's butt, high in the air, tail lifted up, and his puckering anus between the two cheeks. A small toot of wind escapes the headmaster's rear and makes its way to you, a smell of digested fish hangs in the air.
"Here it is..." the headmaster pulls out a small cloth bag. He shakes the bag as he turns to you then lifts it up. You reach inside and pull out a blue orb, as small as a marble, with a red triangle inside. He looks intently at it for a few seconds. "... Oh... oh dear... oh deary me..." He shakes his head. "Take it... It will... show you the way... to your new teacher..." You ask why he seems so worried, but he interrupts you. "Don't worry... all things will... be revealed... in time... now go..." He heads off to a small basket with pillows and is soon snoring.
You step outside of the academy, the sphere points towards the forest and you quickly head off on a path through the trees. Birds sing as leaves crunch and sticks snap beneath your feet. Sometimes bushes rustle, but the walk is mostly uneventful. You stop when your feet start hurting, you look up to the sky and notice the sun is setting. How long have you been walking? You hear a howl in the distance. You keep trudging along. You hear another howl, it's closer. There's rustling in the bushes, and hungry growling. Your feet suddenly don't feel too bad, and you sprint off. You can hear something chasing you as you dodge trees in your way and duck under branches. Crunch, crunch, snap. The rapid pattering of feet, leaves, and branches behind you. Crunch, snap. You can hear it getting further and further away as you outpace it. As you run, breathless, you trip and fall. Your consciousness fades as you hear the creature run up.
The sun rises overhead to a clearing in the middle of a forest. A light rain drops down onto your face. Your eyes slowly open, somehow you're alive. You sit up and look around, there's some sort of wagon nearby. You move to examine it. It's made completely out of wood, in the front is the coachman's dark-blue, cushioned (and, for some reason, smelly) seat, a pair of doors on the back, and you can see that the inside is full of various boxes through the latticed windows, one on each side. It also has four wheels and an almost flat wooden roof that extends over the front slightly. "Oh, you're awake." You turn around towards the voice and see the source of the voice. Coated in blue fur and a white stripe from his black nose that splits at the base of his long tail up to near the tip. His lower tauric body has four legs, his upper body has four arms, blue eyes, and very strange hair. Both his upper and lower bodies are very big and very fat, with both stomachs sticking out, "I found you in the fores' and decided t' save ya from tha' wolf. Then I carried you 'ere. You'd been sleepin' all night. Why're you ou' 'ere in the fores' alone?" You explain to him your situation and pull out your magic compass. He takes it and examines it closely. "Well, i' looks like I'm supposed to be your teacher. Congrats." You look and indeed it's pointing towards him. "Guess I go'a teach you magic. Let's go then." He points to the wagon, and you walk over to the seat while asking about the horse, since you can't see it anywhere. "Wha' horse?" he replies as you sit down, look up, and see your new teacher's giant, brown-stained, mountainous white butt almost shoved into your face as he ties the wagon to himself. "I prefer 'a carry around this meself. Easier 'a keep track of i'." He finishes tying the wagon, and walks through the forest. With his tail lifted high, his massive, sweaty, ebony anus is inches away from your nose, and the smell is horrendous. His sashay causes his massive balls to swing from side-to-side and brush against your legs. "By the way, you can jus' call me 'Master'. Never 'ad an appren'ice before."
He continues talking while you swat away the flies, then you hear a rumble in his stomach. The rumbling travels towards his anus, which winks at you. You go to say something to him when suddenly a loud bassy fart blows hot, dry air over you, powerful enough to force your mouth open as it invades your lungs and sprays sweat and dung over your face, his fat rump rippling. With very little space for the gas to escape, it just builds up in your confined area and leaves an impression on your hair. The fart lasts for about 10 seconds before it becomes nothing more than a fading hiss. Master keeps talking, not realising what's happening, while you gag and cough. The flies are gone at least. His stomach is still churning, and more bubbling noises are making their way towards you. The next fart, which lasts fifteen seconds, is very wet but still just as hot. His sweat mixes with yours and makes your robes damp. Your eyes water and sting and your mouth is dry as any possible clean air is pushed away and is replaced with pure, spicy skunk gas. The next one starts out as a hiss crescendos into a roar, showering you with a tornado of intestinal gas and pinning you to the wall. If you had eaten anything recently you would've vomited it out.
He then lets loose a bunch of small toots into your face. While not very strong they still blow your robes back, each one a warning of worse things to come. As you are assaulted with barrage after barrage of various farts -- small, loud, wet, dry -- you feel weaker and weaker. Unfortunately you don't pass out. After what feels like hours it suddenly stops and you hear a different noise. Something is making its way out of Master's rectum and you feel something large, heavy, and sticky land on your lap. You quickly realise that it's his faeces. More and more come out, almost burying you in it and making your already small space even more cramped. Thankfully it doesn't cover you completely, but now the farting has returned.
After a very bumpy and smelly ride, he stops and unties himself from the wagon. You rush out and breathe as much fresh air as you can, a thick green mist sticks to your robes which have become mostly brown. "Oh, forgo' you were there. You were very quie'." After getting enough fresh air, you suggest sitting on his back next time. "Were you listenin' to anythin' I said? ... Fine, I'll summarise it. You can call me Master, and I'm a Skunktaurgon. Skunk because I can spray, taur because o' the four legs, and gon is short for 'gorgon', which is a snake person who 'as snakes for hair and can turn ya to stone jus' by lookin' at ya. The impor'an' part is the snake 'air." He lifts up part of his 'hair' and turns out it's the tail of the backside of a skunk -- the butt, balls, and back legs are present -- the others lift up their tails too. "These 'ave a mind o' their own, so if ya get too close they'll spray. Besides, it's better to 'ave you back there so ya can watch over me stuff."
After stumbling to a nearby lake, you clean yourself up as much as possible. You can see the sun setting, you were stuck on that wagon all morning and you've yet to learn a single spell. You can see Master walk up to a tree and lift a hind leg, marking it. You have a feeling your tutoring is going to take a while.