FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

My stomach was rumblin' like a motherfucker as I drove down the highway. A full day of looking for work with no lunch was a regrettable decision, all the places I sent my resume to weren't hiring, and going to random businesses asking for an application got me nowhere.

The bright lights of what looked like a restaurant in the distance caught my eye. The sign that was slowly growing visible looked somewhat humorous: a nude pig runnin' away from the restaurant with a silly grin on his face. The name of the restaurant seemed to conveniently cover up the offending area of his body. The dot of the i in "The Streaking Pig" seemed to be enough to censor the little devil.

I pulled into the restaurant's lot, it looked to be somewhat busy, with a good number of parked cars. As I entered, I saw the wait wouldn't be too long. The waiting area looked to be closed off from the rest of the restaurant. The hostess saw me and smiled.

"How many in your party, sir?"

"Just me."

"Can I see some proof of age?"

"Huh?" I was confused.

The woman pointed to the sign next to her: "No one under 18 admitted to this establishment."

"All our dine-in patrons must be legal adults. We ask for everyone's ID, no exceptions."

I didn't bother asking why, I imagined they didn't want any kids treatin' the place like their playground. I showed her my license.

"Thank you," she said, "any seating preference? Booth, table, bar?"

"Booth is fine," I responded. She grabbed a menu and gestured to me to follow her. She opened the door nearby, to the dining area.

I was directed to an empty booth, which I sat in.

"Your waiter will be with you shortly." she said, walking away.

I looked around the place, and noted the lack of windows. Why no windows? Did they hate the sun? Despite that, it seemed like your standard restaurant, Americana on the walls, rock and roll or country music playing from their stereo speakers, and the pleasing aroma of seared meat and barbecue sauce permeating the entire dining room.

The scent reminded me that I was still starvin'. I opened the menu and immediately got a good laugh. There were cartoon dicks in it!

The cartoon pig I saw on the sign outside was all over this menu, now not-so-censored. Next to a bunch of menu items, there were text bubbles next to the pig, making stupid jokes about the food and his dick. He wasn't packin' much, his small size being the punchline most of the time.

'Heh, good thing my wiener's not big enough to be on this menu!' he said, in response to the description of hot dogs in the pork menu.

'Oop, spoke too soon.' He clutched himself in response to the item on the next page, pigs in a blanket.

Considerin' my species, I avoided the beef. I hadn't had a good plate of wings in awhile, so I decided on some boneless ones.

As I perused options in case they were out, I overheard some back and forth between patrons and the waiter.

"May I start you fine folk with something to drink?"

"Er, s'gonna be sweet tea for me."

"I ain't driving this time, ya silly naked swine. Gimme your cheapest beer, and none of this IPA craft swill."

"One bottle of Cünpis, then."

"Perfect! My favorite."

I looked up, and was taken aback. The two people ordering were looking at a mostly naked pig!

He looked like a more realistic version of the cartoon pig in the menu. Middle-aged, overweight. The pig had bushy eyebrows, and was somewhat scruffy, like he missed some spots when shaving. The crow's feet surrounding his eyes tipped me off that he was getting up there in age.. I quickly worked up the courage to look further south, his penis was just as small as his cartoon counterpart's, but with a scrotum that made jumbo eggs look tiny by comparison. He wore only a red bow tie around his neck and cufflinks on his wrists.

I looked back up, and noticed he made quick eye contact with me, followed by a small nod of acknowledgement. I broke out into sweat, did he see me stare at his dick for a second?

I quickly put my muzzle back into my menu, pretendin' I didn't see anything.

"I'll be with you in a moment, sir."

"Alright, take your time!" I said, trying to keep my voice stable.

It was a very weird situation. Here I was, just wantin' some dinner after a rough day of trying to find work, and now I was about to have my order taken by a naked pig!

I tried to collect myself as he went over to another table. His nudity did not seem to bother the other patrons...why didn't it? Were they regulars who were used to it by now?

"And, how would you like my friend cooked?"

"The well side of medium...you don't really know what I'm going to eat personally, do you?"

"Hahahaha! Naw, I'm sure he doesn't taste too good. You'll be gettin' something delicious, though."

He was jokin' around with the patrons, keeping the atmosphere light. Despite his penis being visible out in the open, there was nothing sexual about his presence. I kept returning to the menu to keep my brain preoccupied, though.

"My suggestion is to look at it whenever it's within view. The more you look, the more desensitized to it you get."

I lowered the menu to see the pig's penis in my peripheral vision. I jumped a bit in my seat.

"You okay, sir?"

I looked up. The pig looked concerned for me.

"You must not be familiar with the place. That's okay. If you're not ready to order I can come back later."

"Er, no...I'm ready." I responded, trying to relax.

"Alright, well, my name is Alex, and I'll be your waiter tonight. Anything to drink?"

"Water's fine."

"Okay. Any appetizers?"

"No, uhh...I would like the 15 piece boneless wings."

"Hot, chipotle, or barbecue?" He asked, writing in his notepad.

"Hmm, would it be possible to split it three ways, one sauce for five?"

"Of course. And for your peace of mind, the wings come from chickens, not buffalo."

I chuckled. "Actually, I'm a bull. Buffalo are pretty distant cousins from cattle. Was it the scruff that made you think I was a buffalo?"

Alex grinned slyly.

"Well, didn't take you too long to forget you were talking to a naked pig."

"So, uhh....why *are* you naked?"

"Well, it's a long story, but if I wasn't, we'd have to rethink the name for this restaurant."

"I see. So, you wait naked every night?"

"Not always completely naked. Sometimes I'll wear the upper half of fancy waiter clothes in colder months, or a jersey on nights of big sports events. The little guy between my legs stays uncovered though."

I was surprised over how confident he was.

"You're not embarrassed?" I asked.

"Nah. Betcha more than half the human men who eat here regularly are packin' what I am."

"True..."

"Alright, well, I'll put in your order. I'll be back in a bit with your dinner." he said, retrieving my menu.

I watched him walk away. His bare ass was somewhat dimpling, but still mostly round, with his curly tail idly sitting on top of the crack. He wasn't barefoot, he had a pair of black shoes on, with some black socks only going a short distance up his ankles.

Later, he came back with my plate of wings.

"Here you are, sir. Enjoy."

I thanked him as he walked away again. My unease was mostly gone by now, having been completely consumed by hunger.

They were delicious! All three sauces perfectly complemented the wings. My plate also had some extra to go with the fries.

As I finished up, the pig came back to my booth. He grabbed a chair from a nearby table and sat in it fairly casually. His balls rested pretty far outward in the seat.

"In the mood for any dessert?" He asked.

"I think so, you have a dessert menu?"

"Indeedy." He handed me one.

As I looked at it, I noticed he was lookin' at me.

"So, I've never seen your face around. Most of my clientele are regulars. And human."

"Yeah, I moved here recently, I finished college but there doesn't seem to be any use for my degree here."

The pig nodded.

"Yeah, a lot of more blue collar-type work here. Back when I lived in the midwest, I had more of an office-type job myself. Mostly freelance."

"What compelled you to move down here and start waiting tables nude?"

"Mainly just wanted a change of scenery. And a more stable paycheck. People gotta eat."

"Yeah, I was a waiter at a chain restaurant during college. Money was good, tips were fine, but most of the customers were jerks," I recalled.

"Yeah, customers can drive you crazy. I've built up a rapport with my regulars, so situations of customers getting irate isn't common. New customers are a rarity here. New customers that aren't human, even rarer."

"Are all of your regulars humans?"

"Mostly. I get the occasional dog or cat, but mostly just people."

"And, staff?"

"I'm the only member of staff of a different species."

"Are the other waiters nude?"

"No, just me. At lunch service, there are a few people waiting when I'm not, but they have uniforms."

"You ever ask the manager why?"

The pig snorted and smirked.

"I *am* the manager."

My eyes musta popped out of their sockets for a sec.

"Oh, you're doing this willingly?"

"Pretty much. During lunch service I perform more managerial tasks, the office stuff that I've been used to. At dinner service I take over waiting duties, along with one or two others I can supervise if necessary. The other waiter I had on tonight has already gone home."

"I see."

"So, you said you were looking for work?"

I immediately knew what he was about to ask.

"Well, yes, but-" he cut me off.

"I understand it's not work that you'd like to go back to, but I'll just put out there that I'm looking for more...non-human staff. Offer's on the table if you'd like."

I smiled. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind."

"Sure. Were you able to pick out a dessert during all of this?"

"Well, I'm still pretty full from the dinner, I think I'll pass and just take the bill," I said, returning the menu to the pig.

"Of course, I'll be back with your check."

He stood back up, his balls bouncing around a good bit as gravity took back over for them, and walked away.

Later, he returned with my bill. On the check was a comment:

"My number if you feel like taking the offer. Thanks for the chat!"

I paid, tipped, and left the restaurant. I kept the receipt with his number in my pocket.

---

More days of sending my resume and phone calls for interviews came and went. Not a single returned call. It felt as if I was a ghost or something, my presence completely unnoticed by anyone. The only thing keeping me from really thinking that was the constant response of "We'll let you know if there's an opening" and variations of that from potential employers.

My bank account was starting to run dry. I remembered the receipt I got from that naked pig dude a few weeks back. After all this time, he was the only one throwing out a job offer.

I didn't have too many fond memories as a waiter. Sure, there were plenty of great customers, but the occasional "I want to speak to your manager" and "Is your job *that* hard?" assholes stuck out in my mind more. Going back to that after what seemed like the end of it really sucked to me.

I thought about it some more. Did he want me to be a waiter? Or did he have another position for me in mind? I felt it odd that a pig would even be okay with serving barbecue, adding a bull to the mix made it seem even weirder. Pork and beef serving pork and beef.

Once the bills started presenting themselves, I felt I had no other choice. I called the number I saw on the receipt I saved.

"Hello, Alex Carter speaking."

"Er, hi, this is Liam Godwin. I was a patron at your restaurant a few weeks ago, you gave me your number? I was the bull?"

There was a short pause on the other end.

"Oh yes! Thanks for calling. Were you interested in employment?"

"Well, after almost a good month of no offers anywhere else..."

"I understand. S'hard out there. Would you like to bring your resumé with you tomorrow during lunch service? We'll be open from 11 to 2."

"Sure, 11 sounds great."

"Very good. The interview will mostly be a formality, but I'd still like you to treat it like a big one. Come in your best business attire."

"Alright, I'll be there."

"Great. See you then!" *click*

I arrived at the restaurant the next morning, in my best business suit. I felt kinda silly, dressed super formal for a restaurant position, especially if my boss wasn't going to be dressed at all.

I was greeted by the same hostess as the other night.

"Good morning, sir. Party of one again?"

"Heh, no, I am here because I have an interview with Alex."

"Sure. May I see your ID again, please?"

"Of course," I said, handing her my license.

She quickly handed it back.

"Alex should be in his office. I'll let him know you're here."

She went through the door she escorted me through last time, and then came back a minute or so later.

"You can go in, sir. Alex is waiting for you."

I opened the door to find Alex standing on the other side. To my surprise, he was fully clothed. Dress shirt, slacks, necktie.

"Good morning, sir. How was the drive over? The highway can be kind of busy at this time."

He gestured to me to follow him.

"Oh, there was no trouble. Traffic was fine."

We went into his office. The walls were decorated with various pictures of him, the cartoon version of himself from the menu, and people who were probably friends and family. A life-size cardboard cutout of his cartoon counterpart stood behind his desk.

"Have a seat. If you've got your resumé, I'd love to have a look."

I sat down and handed it to him. He took it and sat down at the other side of his desk. He put a pair of reading glasses on. Seeing him in more professional attire and glasses definitely put me more at ease here.

"Hmmm..."

I relaxed for a moment as he looked it over.

"Bachelor's in business and finance...assistant to various professors in your school..."

"I was TA for many lower level classes when I was at the upper level.

"And you already have experience in restaurant service, as you said the last time we spoke."

"Yes," I said, trying to hide any disdain.

The pig looked up at me and smiled.

"Would you like to be my assistant manager, Mr. Godwin?"

"Huh, not a waiter?"

Alex shook his head.

"Not primarily. If your resumé is to be taken for what it's worth, you could help me handle both the corporate and service ends of the place."

He continued.

"You can help me supervise the other waitstaff during lunch service."

"Sounds good. And, during dinner service?"

Alex paused for a minute.

"So, we are open six days a week. For the sake of my free time, we are closed on Mondays. Otherwise, I'm disrobing and performing my nude waiting duties every other night of the week, with a handful of exceptions, such as major holidays."

The pig opened one of his drawers behind his desk and took out a plastic bag, placing what he just took out on his desk.

"This might be a tall order, but, I would like it if, for two nights a week, this could be your uniform."

Inside the plastic bag was a red bow tie and cufflinks. My eyes popped out of their sockets again.

"WHAT?"

"Before you say 'no', let me explain."

He gestured for me to come closer. I pulled my head in.

"Humans...they have their heads up you know where most of the time, don't they?" He asked, quietly.

"Hm?" I was confused.

"When was the last time you were actually acknowledged as a bull by a human?"

"Well..." I tried to think back. He had a point.

Whenever I associated with humans at school, I was met with ignorance about the fact that I was a bull. I thought my overall appearance would make it obvious, but rarely did people ever realize it until I explained it. Even then, responses would range from an apathetic "cool" to a befuddled "really?"

"I'll let you in on something I've been thinking since the first evening I bared it all for my patrons: I'm pretty sure the majority of them don't actually realize the naked pig standing over them is the real thing. To them, I'm probably some middle-aged balding man wearing an extremely lifelike naked suit and or prosthetics. I wouldn't be terribly surprised that they'd think the same thing if you were to go out there yourself."

"What makes you think that?" I asked.

The pig pulled out another item from his desk drawer. A newspaper.

"You heard about this event when it happened?"

I looked at the headline. There was a censored photo of a cheetah wearin' only a football jersey doing some weird pose.

"This college hired a cheetah as their mascot. From what I heard, the people who hired him thought he was a man wearin' a convincing suit. They asked him to perform his half time routine bottomless. You can see what happened from there."

"I think I remember hearing about this. Did the cheetah get fired?"

"No. The head of the school's athletics department assumed responsibility and was dismissed. But everyone was convinced that our cheetah here wore a prosthetic penis during his dance as a prank."

"Why would they ask him to perform bottomless?"

"Because according to humans, what kind of animal mascot has genitals?"

The pig put the newspaper back into his drawer.

"I understand what I'm askin' for is on the absurd side, Mr. Godwin."

My eyebrow still must've been raised, but I nodded.

"Again, you'd be on staff as an assistant manager. Only two nights am I asking you to do this, one of them would be with me to help with our weekend traffic, the other night would grant me a second day off. You too would have a five day workweek. It could even be Sunday, if you'd like, and you'd have two consecutive days off."

I'm not sure how Mr. Carter was getting through to me. He seemed like a genuinely nice pig, wanting only to help me. The idea of waiting naked still seemed odd, but the idea of a guaranteed job offer after months of no answer from everywhere else I'd applied was starting to outweigh that.

The pig got up and walked over to his cardboard cutout.

"I thought I remember I saw you chortling when you saw this guy on the menu, right?"

"I did. Is it you?"

"Indeedy. When the restaurant was still in the idea stages, we hired a cartoon artist to come and doodle some poses of naked old me. Patrons loved the caricature so much, we've invited the artist back a few times when redoing the menu."

He continued.

"If you'd like, we could have him come and make a caricature of you as well. A cartoon pig and bull serving pork and beef at a barbecue restaurant is somewhat fitting, don't you think?"

I chuckled. "All you'd need after me is a rooster."

He laughed. "You're gettin' it!"

Mr. Carter returned to his desk.

"I won't force an immediate decision on you, Mr. Godwin. Take a few days to let it soak in. Call me back with an answer on your time. Just know, the offer is on the table."

"Alright, thanks." I said, standing up. "I'll definitely let you know."

---

Some more days passed. The silence from my phone was deafening. I started calling back some of the places I'd applied to myself. None of them were willing to schedule an interview, others were saying the position I'd applied to had been filled.

This was starting to leave me with the pig. The assistant manager offer was sweet, salaried, plus tips when I waited, but was I willing to let my dick dangle around freely two nights a week for patrons to see? The pig's dick was small enough to be unintrusive. My dick ain't that small. But I remembered his balls were quite massive though, and did a good bit of swaying themselves whenever he walked.

I remembered what he said though, and how he presented himself the night I saw him nude. It was almost as if they didn't realize he was naked. Or they did, but paid zero mind. It seemed kind of like I was a character in a dream he was having about going to work naked, but no one around him cared.

I stood at my phone for a good half an hour, wondering if I should pull the trigger. I was somewhat hoping that before I'd call the pig, someone else would call me for an interview.

...I finally gave in. I called the pig back up.

"Hello, Alex Carter speaking."

"Hi, it's Mr. Godwin. When can I start?"

"Whenever you'd like. How's Tuesday sound?"

---

My nerves were gettin' to me, but I tried to keep my cool as I entered the restaurant there on my first day. I kept part of my business suit that I wore to the interview on for lunch service.

I walked in to see Alex chatting with the hostess.

"Mr. Godwin, how are you today?"

"I'm alright, and you two?"

"I'm good." The hostess responded with a smile.

"I'm sure you two are acquainted, but this is Lacey, one of my two hostesses. She's been with us since the very beginning. She is one of the few actually 'in' on things."

"Nice to meet you again." She said, holding out her hand, which I shook.

"She's not only a hostess, but also a security guard. She's very good at keepin' the wrong crowd from entering during dinner service."

"You have nothing to worry about here, sir." She smiled again.

The pig took me back into the dining area, introducing me to some of the other staff, the waiters, the bartenders, the kitchen staff. To avoid conflict with health inspectors, Alex, and the nights I wait, myself, are forbidden from enterin' the kitchen when nude. Instead, kitchen staff put out the completed dishes in an area Alex and I could go.

Lunch service went mostly as expected that day. I watched over as the waitstaff took orders. After some time of learnin' the dining room layout and rotation, as well as learnin' most of the menu items, I even took a few tables myself. Gettin' back into the swing of things wasn't difficult. Alex and I went over what I could and couldn't do as an assistant manager, and how to handle special situations, such as mistakes in orders, or irate patrons.

As we closed up to prepare for dinner service, I stayed in the pig's office for a bit. When I entered, I noticed another desk in there that wasn't in there during the interview. Alex saw me as I entered.

"Yes, I had that put in the other day. Your desk. You can decorate it however you'd like.

I must've shed a tear. Hearing the phrase "your desk" was something I'd been wantin' to hear forever.

"We'll have an engraved name plate ready for you in the coming weeks."

---

It was time. We were ready to open for dinner service.

I must've started shakin' as I watched my boss start to disrobe. He saw me in the corner of his eye. I bet he was half expecting me to run out of the office and never come back.

"You look just about ready to faint."

I started to unbutton my shirt.

"Have you ever used the showers at the gym?" He asked.

"Well, yeah."

"So you've been nude in front of others, then."

"But in a shower no one's really wanting to look at my goods."

"Hmm..."

He pondered it as he continued to unclothe himself. He was down to his tank top, socks, and a pair of blue briefs.

"Have you ever had that dream in which you go to work naked?"

"Yeah?"

"Do people notice?"

"No, they usually don't."

"Well, it'll be just like that, only not a dream. I stopped having those dreams myself after a while...or, I didn't, now it's just a normal daily occurrence that dreaming that I'm naked in front of my customers is a normal dream."

He removed his tank top, and smiled at me.

"Trust me, it becomes liberating after a while. I sometimes forget that my penis, scrotum, and rear end are out on display when taking orders. Soon enough, you'll be quickly shedding all of your clothes and greeting your patrons..."

He slipped out of his briefs.

"...like it was no big deal," he finished his sentence, discarded briefs in his hand.

I was down to my own tank top, unbuttoning my slacks.

"What if...they want to...touch?"

The expression on the pig's face turned somewhat serious.

"Oh, that's not allowed. Take a look at the back of the menu."

He showed me a copy of the menu that was on his desk, with a rather large disclaimer on the back that I somehow missed when I was a customer:

"NOTICE: The nudity of some of the wait staff is purely for comedic and light-hearted purposes. Touching of inappropriate areas of the wait staff is considered a serious violation of restaurant etiquette. Customers may be removed from the restaurant for touching or attempting to touch employees."

"Well, good to see you take that seriously," I said, somewhat quietly.

"If someone intentionally touches you, anywhere, not just your goods, come get me, and let Lacey know. She and I can handle the rest. Accidents are, however, of course, accidents, but it's your call."

"And, what if people point it out and say something?"

"Comments about your nudity will certainly happen. Most of our regulars will joke with you about it, but I've not known them to be malicious. It's all in good fun. If they say something seriously offensive, let me know."

"And...what if I get...hard?"

"Hmm..." He thought. "I don't remember ever having any random erections myself, but if you feel you're about to get one, relax a bit, finish taking whatever order you are taking, and come into the office. Let the erection run its course, it'll probably go away pretty quickly."

I was down to my boxer-briefs, as Alex started to put his dress shoes back on.

"Now, the most common accidental touching is when a patron steps on your foot. I used to wait barefoot as well, but I've had my feet stepped on too many times. You can wait barefoot yourself, but I strongly suggest your shoes."

The pig placed his cufflinks on and started to tie his bow tie as I finally gathered the emotional strength to pull my boxer-briefs down.

The pig wasted no time and took a look southward. I felt my face turn red.

"Lookin' good, buddy," He said, with the kindest tone.

"Bow ties can be tricky," he continued, as I put my shoes back on. "Let me know if you need assistance tying that."

"I got it," I said, pulling it out of the package.

I let it sink in that there were two naked adult males standing next to each other in an office, wearing only bow ties, cufflinks, and dress shoes.

"Lacey should have seated our first few patrons by now, let's go and meet them." Alex smiled at me.

---

"Good evening," I said, trying not to stumble, or sound nervous, "welcome to The Streaking Pig. I'm Liam, your waiter tonight. Can I start you folks off with something to drink?"

I tried to keep my stance as natural as I could, telling my brain not to bend forward, and to keep my arms from wantin' to cover up. I held up my pen and pad as high as I could.

"Ooh, you're a new face," the woman at the table said.

"Fresh meat! Beef, to be exact!" the man's voice boomed.

"Yes," I paused, "I'm pretty new here. This is my first dinner service."

"First day jitters?" the woman asked.

"Yeah, I've waited before, but, er, not..." I said, trying not to look down at my naked body.

"Well, I dunno what you're so worried about, you got the pig beat by a good six or seven inches!" The man laughed.

I felt my face starting to turn red. I tried to focus.

"Anyway, drinks?"

"That'll be a root beer for me," she said.

"And a golfer tea for me."

---

I brought over some completed dishes to a party waited on by Alex. Five men. Looked like they were playing some cards as they waited for their meal.

"Pulled pork sandwich?" I asked.

"Me," a stout man at the table said, raising his finger. I handed him his dish.

"Beef tips with fries?" Alex asked.

"Thank you," another man at the table called out.

"I'll keep this a secret from the misses, Carl. I know she wants you to lay off the red meat." The other men chuckled as the naked pig handed him his plate.

"She's got him on a leash!" Shouted someone else at the table.

"Alright. Boneless chipotle wings?" Alex called out the next plate.

"Here," said another guy.

"My favorite!" I said, handing the last plate in my hands.

"And two streaking burgers, medium rare." Alex handed the remaining two plates to the table.

"Enjoy," I said, as the two of us walked to our next tables.

---

"I have a question you might be able to answer, Mr. Bull."

"Yes?" I asked.

"What is the difference between the chuck and the shank?"

I wasn't sure if it was a silly joke, or an honest question. I guessed it was the latter.

"They come from different parts of the body."

"Oh. Where are they all located?"

"Uhh..." I decided a visual aid would be best, air circling with my pen.

"The shank," I said, circling my shoulder, "the chuck," pointin' to my upper back, "the ribs", circling my lower chest, "the flank", circling my stomach, "the loins, excuse the family jewels in the way..." circling my crotch.

The patrons at the table giggled.

"And, of course, the round." I said, turnin' around and pointin' to my ass.

"The best part!" Another patron said.

"Oh thanks, I work out," I joked.

---

Alex was right. The further along the night went, the more comfortable I was walking around the place with my dick danglin' freely as I walked. No random boners, no touchy-touchy patrons, they were apathetic to our nudity at worst, to intrigued at best.

The pig checked up on me every so often.

"How you feelin'?"

"It's crazy, they're just seein' us naked like it's an everyday thing."

Alex smiled.

"Well, it kind of is. Most of these patrons make The Streaking Pig a weekly event."

"I can see that. You seem to know some of these people by name."

"Yeah, they've been coming for years. The first couple you had have come here almost every Tuesday since we opened. They're very friendly."

"The man seemed kinda loud, but he was nice," I said. "Joked about my penis being longer than yours."

"Yeah, size jokes between the two of us will probably happen regularly."

---

"Nice dick, bro!" One of the patrons said. One of the dudebro types. College student.

"Er, thanks. May I start you with something to drink?"

"I mean it! How's it look so real? Like a cartoon animal came to life and took off his clothes and came up to the table!"

I chuckled.

"Heh, it's a well-kept secret."

"I wish I was a cartoon animal. Think I'd be a wolf or somethin'."

"One can dream," I said, trying to bring the focus back to orderin'. "Was the water okay, or did you want somethin' on tap...?"

"Oh, uh...Dr. Soda."

---

I went to a vacated table I'd waited on earlier to clear the plates and clean it. I noticed next to their check was a sizable tip. I looked at the check and saw a comment on it.

"Thanks for dinner, cutie. Hope to see more of you here!"

I smiled. I looked further down the receipt. I giggled.

"Oh, and you made my husband jealous! Have a good night."

---

Dinner service went pretty well, with just me and Alex serving. After Lacey locked the doors, she and some of the kitchen and bar staff came out to join Alex and I in cleaning up the place.

"So, how was your first day here?"

"Surprisingly good," I said, swishing around the mop.

"Yeah, I think you'll have no problem here," she responded, grabbing a broom and dustpan.

Alex came up to us, now fully-clothed again.

"If you'd like, Liam, I can take over that mop while you put your clothes back on."

I smirked.

"But...I don't wanna put my clothes back on!"

Lacey and Alex laughed.

"And here you were, shaking so hard before taking your clothes off that I could put a glass of milk and ice with chocolate syrup in your hand and get back a smoothie!" The pig joked.

The three of us laughed some more.

---

"The new menus are in!" Lacey announced.

Alex and I came out of our office. The woman opened a box and placed it on one of the tables.

We took a look. The cover looked pretty much the same. Some of the typefaces and color schemes were refreshed, but it didn't seem to be too different.

"Oh, look on the page of beef." The pig said.

I turned to that page.

There I was, a cartoon version of me, saying stupid things about the menu items, throwing in a dick joke. I looked at the listing for the beef round steak.

"Can you tell *where* the round comes from? Hint: It's the best part." My drawn counterpart said, pointing at his ass.