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HOW COCO BANDICOOT STOLE HER OWN VIRGINITY

by XanderMartin98 (in other words, me)

(PLEASE NOTE: This fanfic takes place in the Crash Bandicoot 4: IAT universe, ya DOPE!)

(ALSO: Crash and the Cocos all wear their standard outfits in this fanfic, just so you know.)

During a particularly fateful night on N. Sanity Island, the numerous plants that said island was the home of idyllically and very-thoroughly decorated its landscape due to Neo Cortex and his minions thankfully not being in the mood to destroy said plants for their own personal gain, while not a single organic creature that had the ability to speak was stirring or was experiencing a fetishistic urge to infiltrate someone's brain...

...well, not a single one except for Coco Bandicoot (Crash Bandicoot's younger sister), anyway. While Crash was busy face-up-ly and quite-loudly-snoringly sleeping on the main couch in the rather-comically-brightly night-lit living room of his house (with said couch very-conveniently being right in front of said living room's television and facing directly toward it as he did so), Coco was rather-widely awake and was quite-eagerly readying herself to do something that was incredibly strange AND was utterly loaded with overused-to-death XanderMartin98 fanfiction cliches.

"You know, Aku Aku, I've been quite-curiously wondering exactly HOW and WHY Crash is able to have such impressively skillful self-control despite how utterly crazy he often acts and quite-frankly is. Just between you and me, his brain seems like a rather obvious place to search for the answer to said question in; after all, we both know how extremely hollow said brain is far too well." Coco nervously whispered into Aku Aku's seemingly non-existent right ear as the two of them stood in front of the couch that Crash was sleeping on and rather-creepily observed his soundly sleeping body of which the brain seemed to contain practically nothing but happy and cute thoughts despite the fact that he had gone through incredibly numerous experiences that quite-possibly were even worse than Hell.

"Hmm...very well, then. If you insist, then I suppose that I can use my magical powers to shrink you to a basically microscopic size and then teleport you into the 'right' one of Crash's remarkably large ears so that you will then become able to sneak into his also-comically-small brain through his right ear canal." Aku Aku very-calmly-and-quietly explained to Coco while said girl very-endearingly nodded her own cute little head as her way of telling him "thanks, pal".

"However, PLEASE be careful in there; I'll use my aforementioned magical powers to quite-literally glue Crash to this personal favorite seat of his if/when he actually does wake up and immediately start freaking out after realizing that there is something/someone inside his head, but if you don't treat his brain with the type of gentleness and (ahem) kindness that you have been treating him with, then there is a very real chance that you will cause practically irreparable and quite-possibly rather severe damage to his mental health." Aku Aku sternly (but quietly) warned Coco, causing her to incredibly-sassily roll her cute and "innocent" eyes at him and think "MAN; how freaking stupid/crazy does this silly little worrywart think that I am?" to herself.

"Oh, WHATEVER! Just freaking SHRINK me already, Mr. Neuroscience Expert!" Coco arrogantly (but quietly) teased Aku Aku, causing said floating mask to angrily whisper "FINE; I WILL" to her and then immediately use his magical powers to shrink her to a size that honestly was rather-hilariously fitting for the annoying little pest that she often acted like by blatantly insulting/mocking Crash for the fact that he was (or, at least, seemed to be) monumentally less intelligent when compared to her.

"EWW...dear GOD, when was the last time this guy properly cleaned his ears?" the suddenly insect-sized Coco disgustedly (but quietly) groaned after being teleported into Crash's right ear canal by Aku Aku and therefore finding herself staring directly at a nauseatingly large number of excessively long ear canal hairs and rather large and filthy-looking earwax chunks while his aforementioned snoring screen-shakingly echoed its way through his ear canals and therefore became even more obnoxiously easy for her to hear.

"Oh, well...at least being in here means that I get to collect some of his earwax and then study it later, since doing such a thing sadly IS one of my ideas of fun..." Coco depressedly thought to herself as she grabbed a particularly large and slimy chunk of Crash's earwax using her bare hands and then incredibly-cartoonishly stuffed said chunk into her pant(s) pockets before then covering her own ears using her bare hands and reluctantly-but-curiously tip-toeing her way through the remaining portion of Crash's right ear canal until she finally reached his rather-weirdly-beautifully smooth and shiny right eardrum.

"MMM...it just is SO irresistibly delicious and sexy, despite the fact that it belongs to someone who is so utterly dim..." Coco arousedly-and-droolingly thought to herself as she firmly pressed the palms of her earwax-germ-covered hands against Crash's scrumptiously (and gorgeously) actual-earwax-coated right eardrum and bewilderingly-passionately licked and ate quite a bit of earwax off of it using her generally germ-loaded mouth before then licking her hands (and sucking her fingers) until she had eaten basically all of the earwax that she had gotten onto them.

"Do you THINK that God stays in Heaven because he, too, lives in fear of what he has created?" I thought to myself as I increasingly-reluctantly continued writing this absolute abomination of a fanfic.

"With whatever in the actual Hell THAT was now officially being said and done, however, let's see how much Crash likes having one of HIS ears deafened in the type of way in which his incessant snoring is very-seriously about to deafen BOTH of MY ears! SLEEP QUIETLY, YOU FREAKING OBNOXIOUS DICK!" Coco frustratedly growled as she gathered all of her "martial arts energy" (not to mention nearly all of her anger) into her legs and then kicked Crash's right eardrum with THE maximum amount of force that she was capable of. Surely enough, said kick gave said eardrum a rather-frightfully large, jagged and bloody hole that it had not been decorated with before said kick.

"YEOWCH!" Crash suddenly woke/jumped up and loudly screamed in agony as he suddenly felt his right eardrum being ruptured by whoever/whatever presumably had just snuck into his right ear canal while he was busy snoring his head off like a total ponce. Surely enough, Aku Aku immediately used his magical powers to tie Crash into a face-up "sitting on his couch and staring at the television that it was in front of" position and then tape his mouth shut in response.

"Oh, dear GOD, what is happening to me right now? I think that some kind of BUG just crawled into my right ear and already is about to eat my brain as I THINK!" Crash horrifiedly (and nauseatedly) thought to himself while helplessly trembling in his seat and rather-amusingly wetting his pants in the process. Meanwhile, Coco quite-literally WAS already making her way into Crash's adorably fragile and defenseless brain through his middle/inner right ear as said brain spoke to him about how much the situation that he was in was beginning to nauseatingly-intensely stink.

"GERONIMO!" Coco nearly-pants-creamingly-excitedly yelled and laughed as she did a "cannonball" dive straight into the rather-surprisingly awesome "air slide" that Crash's right inner ear was/contained. Meanwhile, Crash suddenly (albeit briefly) felt as if he was about to tip over like a big and stupid domino.

"WOAH..." Crash dizzily groaned as his head drunken-feelingly swayed back and forth due to the fact that Coco's rather-dangerously solid body was surprisingly-harmlessly (but still very-irritatingly) flying through the extremely soft and delicate inner workings of one of his body's main balance maintainers. Surely enough, due to the fact that his television was right in front of him and was facing directly toward him as Coco flew directly into his head's "brain storage" area, the fact that Crash was experiencing THE worst night of his entire life was about to become even plainer.

"Crash, I really do VERY-sincerely regret having to tell you this, but your 'sweet and innocent little sister' presumably is already about to enter your brain and then more-than-probably do some SERIOUSLY crazy things TO it while I am speaking to you right NOW!" Aku Aku reluctantly began explaining to the increasingly horrified Crash as Coco droolingly-arousedly leaped onto his (Crash's) orgasm-inducingly veiny, erect and throbbing brain stem (which wasn't even that much taller or thicker than her own freakishly thin and blatantly 12-to-15-years-old-looking body) and then immediately began climbing her way up said stem and therefore into the secret entrance on the bottom of Crash's mouth-wateringly tender, fleshy, soft and wrinkly cerebral cortex. Did...did I seriously just write that? Please allow me to say WOW.

"And because Coco's plot armor- I mean, your skull is just WAY too thick and intelligence-repellent for my magic to be able to get through it, I now am COMPLETELY unable to get her out of your head before she actually DOES reach the inner workings of your brain! MAYDAY! MAYDAY! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Aku Aku increasingly-worriedly continued explaining to Crash (before then completely losing his mind and dementedly screaming at said bandicoot like an absolute maniac) as Coco finally reached Crash Eduardo Bandicoot's behavioral control center (which was also known as the main control room of Crash's brain)...surely enough, Crash's brain somehow actually WAS completely hollow, except for the fact that it contained a giant super-computer that was directly connected to its frontal lobe and also was a brain that had an upper section that was decorated with rather-surprisingly numerous brain cell transit wires. More importantly, however, Crash's brain also was the home of a "Brain Coco" who was a downright-unbelievably massive cutie pie.

"ALLOW me to INTRODUCE myself! I'm what Crash sees YOU as, and I'm going to be his utterly adorable and perfect best friend until the end of his life! MEOW! Let's play Help The Bandicoot Recover His Recently Lost Mental Health!" Brain Coco (who we will be calling Classic Coco due to the fact that she looked pretty-much-exactly like a much-more-visibly cute version of the original Crash Trilogy version of Coco) suddenly stopped increasingly-worriedly staring at the increasingly numerous "this brain's owner is about to lose his mind" warning messages that the screen of Crash's Central Nervous Super-Computer was becoming decorated with in order to spin around like a cuddly little princess and then lovingly-and-hand-wavingly explain to Coco (who we will now be calling Modern Coco) in one of THE most adorably girly and dorky ways that she was capable of. Needless to say, the eyes of Modern Coco immediately became lovey-dovey Valentine's Day hearts (while Modern Coco herself immediately placed her fists onto her cheeks and rather-loudly went "SQUEE") in response. Even MORE needless to say, Modern Coco definitely WAS going to fuck Classic Coco even if doing so quite-literally was THE last thing that she DID do, and she did NOT care how young of a sex partner N. Sanity Island's sex laws allowed her to give herself.

"Uhh...what's going on, Crash? Why do you suddenly look so calm and CONTENTED?" Aku Aku very-confusedly asked Crash as Classic Coco and Modern Coco used Crash's CNSC as a mental-health-restoring device and therefore caused Crash himself to jarringly-suddenly go from being "so scared that he looked as if he was about to explode" to being "so calm and happy that he almost looked as if he was about to fall asleep despite the fact that the situation that he was in was utterly horrifying and demented".

"Because of US, ya FOOL! Crash is our adorable little big-brother-shaped puppet now, you silly GOOSE!" Modern Coco and Classic Coco ever-so-playfully teased Aku Aku as they suddenly used the "Brain-to-TV Camera Link" feature of Crash's CNSC to make said bandicoot's television even-more-suddenly turn itself on in order to show the two of them merrily-and-gigglingly playing with said bandicoot's brain while said bandicoot's eyeballs uncontrollably rolled around in quite-literally ALL sorts of crazy ways and then repeatedly popped in and out of his eye sockets as a result of said ruse.

"So, uhh...I guess that what you two are TRYING to say right now is that you actually DON'T want to do anything that is mental-health-destroyingly terrible to Crash while you both are horrifyingly-deeply inside his head?" Aku Aku increasingly-nervously asked the Cocos while Crash's eyeballs finally stopped wildly moving around and therefore became their normal selves again. Needless to say, however, the answer that the Cocos ended up giving to said question caused Crash and Aku Aku to both extremely-sincerely wish that they were dead.

"HMM...actually, you know WHAT? I usually don't really like to brag about OTHER people, even if/when said people basically are literal clones of me, but I absolutely MUST say that Brain Coco really DOES keep Crash's brain neat and healthy with SUCH poise!" Modern Coco increasingly-horny-soundingly explained to the increasingly creeped-out-looking Crash and Aku Aku as she and Classic Coco suddenly began extremely-suggestively staring directly into each other's eyes.

"Naturally! As do YOU!" Classic Coco flirtatiously replied to Modern Coco's compliment, causing Modern Coco to downright-ridiculously-blatantly-and-shamelessly make a "kissy face" at Classic Coco in response while Aku Aku exasperatedly muttered "yep; Coco really HAS gone cuckoo".

"AHHHHHH...you and I really are such ADORABLY feisty little girls, aren't we?" Classic Coco even-more-flirtatiously teased Modern Coco while Crash audibly winced/cringed due to what his poor, POOR little eyeballs VERY-unfortunately were enabling him to curiosity-inducedly see.

"GRRR!" Modern Coco tiger-esquely swung her left hand toward Classic Coco and growled at her.

"Tee hee hee hee hee...oh, MY...you really are such an endearingly NAUGHTY little thing..." Classic Coco teasingly giggled at Modern Coco, causing an incredibly perfect "the emotions that live inside the brain of this fanfic's writer" reaction shot to suddenly appear out of nowhere as a result. Needless to say, at least one of my five main emotions definitely was quite-nearly vomiting.

"OHUOH...UGGGH! JESUS CHRIST!" Disgust stuck her tongue out and rather-loudly retched and yelled while pricelessly-intensely cringing in the process; meanwhile, Anger just speechlessly and slack-jawedly shook his head back and forth while disbelievingly staring at the Cocos with an immensely shocked look in his eyes.

"UGH! BARF!" Sadness surprisingly-calmly said out loud before then crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at the Cocos in a way that absolutely screamed "I hate my life"; meanwhile, Fear was completely speechless and motionless and was so visibly frightened and uncomfortable that he quite-literally did not even know HOW to react to what he had just seen me writing in the process of creating my latest "astonishingly sophisticated" work of literary art.

"TEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!" Joy suddenly nudged Fear with her left elbow and then gleefully pointed and laughed at how blatantly narcissistic the Cocos had just proven themselves to be.

"I wanna DIE..." Fear and Anger both extremely-depressedly thought to themselves as the Cocos slowly and eyebrow-raisingly removed their footwear (in other words, their shoes and socks) and then COMPLETELY-shamelessly began teasing each other with their nauseatingly stinky, sweaty, dirty and brain-juice-covered bare feet while Crash and Aku Aku both utterly-horrifiedly watched said thing happen with their own eyes.

"So TELL me, older me; are you enjoying the lovely VIEW that I'm giving you right now, you vomit-inducingly nasty little TART?" Classic Coco crossed her outstretched-directly-toward-Modern-Coco legs and playfully asked Modern Coco as Modern Coco extremely-arousedly panted and drooled like a QUITE naughty dog in response to seeing the mouth-wateringly wrinkly, soft, muddy-sweat-and-brain-juice-mixture-dripping and plump-toed soles of her even younger counterpart.

"Every bit as much as YOU are, sister!" Modern Coco lovingly teased Classic Coco while slowly and seductively curling and wiggling her cute little toes in order to deliberately show Classic Coco every single detail of her gloriously sexy soles as she did so; amusingly enough, Classic Coco quite-nearly fainted from how unbelievably "turned on" and "completely in love with herself" said teasing made her.

"MMM...SO DELICIOUS..." Classic Coco and Modern Coco mesmerizedly moaned in unison as they far-too-eagerly brought themselves together and then immediately began shamelessly indulging in the uniquely sour tastes and irresistibly pungent stenches of each other's feet. Meanwhile, Aku Aku extremely-relatably responded to said completely unacceptable degeneracy by speechlessly mouthing out the words "what in the actual Hell is this?".

Classic Coco and Modern Coco licking, rubbing and kissing each other's slimy and filthy soles naturally was followed by the two of them sucking each other's sweaty and linty toes, which also-naturally was then followed by the two of them brutally stomping all over each other's faces with their brain-germ-covered and saliva-dripping soles and even forcing each other to brain-shrivelingly-intensely sniff each other's visibly awful-smelling feet in the process, which ALSO-naturally was THEN followed by the two of them extremely-literally inserting each other's ENTIRE hairy and reeking feet into their mouths and then chomping on said feet until they quite-nearly broke quite a few of the bones within said feet by biting them too violently. Meanwhile, Aku Aku and Crash responded to said absolutely-unbelievably intense display of utter debauchery and blatant narcissism by remaining utterly speechless and therefore expressing their quite-nearly immeasurable disgust rather-impressively-silently.

"OHHH...OOOH...AHHH...OH, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH..." Classic Coco and Modern Coco increasingly-arousedly moaned in unison as they incredibly-frantically removed the rest of their clothes and then immediately began rolling back and forth on the delectably spongy and squishy floor of Crash's brain while very-tightly hugging each other and extremely-erotically tongue-kissing each other all the while. Meanwhile, Crash rather-loudly gagged and quite-nearly lost his lunch.

"OH MY GOD, THIS IS SO FREAKING SATISFYING..." Modern Coco orgasmically moaned as she and Classic Coco increasingly-intensely scissored each other on the aforementioned surprisingly-intensely pulsating floor of Crash's brain until their vaginas began also-surprisingly-intensely pulsating and then forcefully squirted out gloriously huge loads of girl cum all over their thoroughly naked and adorable-looking bodies while Crash and Aku Aku downright-painfully-intensely felt their formerly strong will(s) to live shriveling up and dying.

"OH, YEAH...LET'S LICK EACH OTHER CLEAN...YOU AND ME..." Classic Coco comically-over-excitedly moaned as Modern Coco reached into her pant(s) pockets and pulled out the aforementioned earwax that she had stolen from Crash's right ear canal so that she could then smear said earwax all over her naked body using her bare hands and then make Classic Coco eat said earwax right off of said body while the two of them were already busy eating their girl cum off of each other's naked bodies. Needless to say, Crash's face was becoming VERY green.

"MMM...SO THIS IS WHAT WUMPA FRUITS TASTE LIKE AFTER GOING THROUGH THE INTESTINES OF MY YOUNGER SELF...MAN, THE TWO OF US REALLY ARE SUCH ADORABLY DISGUSTING PERVERTS, AREN'T WE?" Modern Coco lip-lickingly and poop-chewingly moaned with delight as Classic Coco extremely-constipated-lookingly-and-soundingly squatted directly above her face and then took a nice, big, sloppy and chunky diarrhea dump also-directly into her widely and extremely-eagerly open mouth. Predictably enough, Classic Coco THEN very-firmly pressed her index fingers against the sides of her nose and then inexplicably shot out cartoonishly huge and grotesquely gooey globs of her nasal mucus directly into that exact same mouth through said nose in order to add extra seasoning/lubricant to Modern Coco's freshly (and extremely-visibly-reekingly) pooped-out dessert and therefore allow her to swallow it more easily.

"YEAH, COME ON AND FINISH YOUR MEAL, YOU FUCKING REVOLTING WHORE..." Classic Coco dominantly sneered at Modern Coco as Modern Coco puked out a remarkably large amount of the poop that she had just eaten all over Classic Coco's breasts before then eating said remarkably large amount of poop right off of said breasts and also drinking the resulting milk that came out of said breasts while Classic Coco orgasmically moaned and screamed in response. Meanwhile, Crash and Aku Aku just continued speechlessly staring at the two of them and internally screaming "PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO MORE".

"OOH...UGGGH...AHHHHHH...OHHHHHHHHH! NOW THIS IS WHAT I CALL MAKING MOMMY PROUD..." Modern Coco orgasmically moaned as Classic Coco decided to face-down-ly crawl in between Modern Coco's legs and then rather-impressively-deftly lick the inside of Modern Coco's vagina with her tongue until said vagina squirted out a deliciously large amount of girl cum directly into her far-too-eagerly awaiting mouth.

"OHH...OOH, YEAAAH...OHHHHHH, MOMMY..." Classic Coco also-orgasmically moaned as Modern Coco decided to face-down-ly crawl in between Classic Coco's legs and then rather-extremely-illegal-lookingly lick the inside of Classic Coco's vagina with her tongue until said vagina squirted out a very-surprisingly large amount of girl cum directly into her far-too-clearly awaiting mouth. At that point, however, the Cocos had fucked each other so much (and so forcefully, and in so many different ways) that they actually were starting to look like completely exhausted zombies.

"GOOD NIGHT, SWEET PRINCESS...AND FLIGHTS OF ANGELS...SING THEE TO THY REST..." the Cocos exhaustedly moaned in unison as they both collapsed onto the remarkably soft and cozy floor of Crash's brain and ended up sleeping inside said brain for basically an entire day as a result. Needless to say, what the two of them had just done absolutely was THE worst type of selfcest.

"Crash, please be honest with me; do you REALLY still want to live on this planet after witnessing...THAT?" Aku Aku rather-curiously and extremely-depressedly asked Crash, causing said bandicoot to immensely-disgustedly shake his head back and forth and go "MMM-MMM" in response while Aku Aku completely-agreeingly told him "neither do I; dear GOD, Coco has turned into such an utterly obnoxious brat".

"Well, since you clearly have picked the more correct one of that question's 'yes' and 'no' answer choices in my opinion, I suppose that I probably should un-tie you and remove my magic tape from your mouth so that you can deliver this story's closing line..." Aku Aku exhaustedly groaned as he finally removed his magical restraints from Crash's body...only for Crash to then immediately start committing suicide.

"GOODBYE, CRUEL WORLD IN WHICH MY OWN SISTER COMMITS SELFCEST!" Crash dementedly screamed (causing Aku Aku to extremely-ironically yell "WHOA" in response) as he immediately ran straight out of his house and into one of the nearest TNT Crates in order to then "spin attack" said crate and therefore blast himself into hilariously cartoonish and Mister-Potato-Head-esque pieces while his brain somehow remained perfectly intact (again, due to how astonishingly thick his skull was) in the process.

ONE OF CRASH'S EXTRA LIVES (AND BASICALLY ONE DAY) LATER, BACK IN CRASH'S LIVING ROOM...

"HUH? How long of a time HAVE we just spent being asleep and naked?" Modern Coco bewilderedly gasped and groaned as she and Classic Coco suddenly (and, of course, still-televisedly and STILL-completely-nakedly) woke up inside the brain of Crash's previous body. Meanwhile, Aku Aku and the actual Crash incredibly-smugly-grinningly stared at the bird cage that they had just locked said brain into and then created an impenetrable magical force field around just to even-more-completely make sure that the Cocos wouldn't find a way to break/sneak out of it.

"Yeah...and also, more importantly, where ARE we right now?" Classic Coco head-scratchingly and very-confusedly wondered out loud as she and Modern Coco rather-worriedly readied themselves to start looking around.

"Oh, for CRYING out loud; you're in Crash's BRAIN, ya FOOLS!" Aku Aku exasperatedly reminded the Cocos while Crash eagerly readied himself to explain how he and Aku Aku had just punished said Cocos for the fact that the two of them had blatantly broken SO many sex-related rules.

"Yeah, but where is IT, dude?" Modern Coco shrugged her shoulders and tiredly asked Aku Aku.

"Oh, I'LL freaking tell YOU where my PREVIOUS body's brain is right NOW, you freaking disgusting PERVERTS; me and Aku Aku have locked it up in a VERY special place that I like to call HORNY JAIL! The two of us sending the two of you to such a place really is SUCH an extremely fitting punishment for what you two have done, don't you THINK?" Crash rather-surprisingly-sternly explained to the Cocos before then tightly clutching his belly with his hands and ever-so-heartily laughing at said absolutely disgusting whores and their downright-insultingly blatant selfcest kink.

"Oh, and if you two don't COMPLETELY-sincerely apologize to me and Crash for what you have done to our poor, POOR eyes and minds at some point in the next 24 hours, then I VERY-sincerely hope that you will enjoy being trapped in 'horny jail' for the rest of your miserable, STINKING lives!" Aku Aku angrily-but-playfully teased the Cocos, causing said girls to immediately get down onto their knees and begin frantically and "cryingly" pounding on the inner wall of the previous Crash's frontal lobe with their fists while repeatedly and downright-pathetically-desperate-soundingly screaming "WE'RE SORRY" as if them doing so would somehow cause Aku Aku to automatically forgive them for their downright-unbelievably heinous crimes.

"Meh...you know what, Aku Aku? To be honest with you, these two aren't even WORTH worrying about right now; let's just go outside and get some food!" Crash shrugged his shoulders and somewhat-reluctantly (not to mention winkingly) told Aku Aku, causing said floating mask to rather-suspicious-lookingly-grinningly reply to said request by saying "sure; why not, dude".

"HOO, boy...Crash and Aku Aku FINALLY have left this house...I'm MORE than willing to bet that you KNOW what THAT means ENTIRELY too well, my utterly BEAUTIFUL younger twin!" Modern Coco droolingly and VERY-arousedly told Classic Coco in an immensely flirtatious way as Crash and Aku Aku finally finished incredibly-merrily walking out of Crash's house through said house's front door while the Cocos far-too-eagerly readied themselves to fuck each other's brains out yet again.

"Your vagina, here my tongue COMES! Yes! YES! YEAAAS!" Classic Coco ridiculously-over-excitedly laughed, moaned and shrieked with delight as she and Modern Coco immediately started having even MORE freaking sex with each other...and, of course, caused a lovely new sexual-activity-detecting "self-destruct" bomb that Aku Aku had magically planted in the brain that the Cocos were inside during the comically long sex-overload-induced nap that said Cocos had rather-recently taken in said brain to suddenly become activated in the process!

"FIVE...FOUR...THREE...TWO...ONE..." the aforementioned "self-destruct" bomb in the previous Crash's brain EXTREMELY-suddenly began counting down out loud while the Cocos nakedly-and-VERY-afraidly hugged each other and incredibly-obvious-fact-statingly yelled "OH, BOY; THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO BE FUN-"

"KA-BOOOOOOOOOM!" the previous Crash's brain went as it violently and quite-literally exploded into disgustingly bloody and gory pieces that then immediately became splattered all over the inside of the inexplicably explosive-proof bird cage that it had been locked into while the Cocos thankfully also went "KA-BOOM".

"You know, Aku Aku, there's something that I really do need to say right now..." Crash rather-smugly-grinningly informed Aku Aku as the two of them incredibly-immediately returned from their blatantly fake food-collecting trip and then "OHHH"-so-predictably found the previous Crash's brain indeed being a blown-up mess as they walked back into Crash's house.

"And WHAT exactly IS said thing, pardon my asking?" Aku Aku exasperatedly asked Crash while said bandicoot was busy being so happy about the deaths of the Cocos that he almost wanted to sing.

"It really DOES utterly BLOW MY MIND how much the Cocos really DID not learn even a single god-damned thing when you and I locked them into our 'Horny Jail'...GET IT? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH MY GOD, THAT'S SO FREAKING HILARIOUS! HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!" Crash increasingly-amusedly began explaining to Aku Aku and then suddenly very-tightly clutched his belly using both of his hands and began uproariously laughing at how truly-ridiculously stubborn the Cocos had been during their past lives. Meanwhile, Aku Aku rolled his eyes and immensely-sarcastically responded to said joke by saying "KNEE-slappingly funny".

"Oh, believe me, pal, you definitely ARE going to eat those words...mark my OWN words, you freaking numbskull..." the new Classic Coco that one of Classic Coco's extra lives had just caused to appear inside Crash's new brain extremely-hatefully sneered at Crash using said bandicoot's "Inner Voice" microphone as she used his Central Nervous Super-Computer to take control of his body and therefore turn the dots in his eyes into giant "dizziness/hypnosis spiral" symbols.

"Um, Crash? WHY are you looking at me as if you want to eat me?" the new Modern Coco that one of Modern Coco's extra lives had just caused to appear right next to Crash increasingly-nervously backed away from Crash and asked him as he slowly but surely walked directly toward her like a zombie.

"OH!" Modern Coco loudly and intensely-blushingly gasped as Crash suddenly began tongue-kissing her in a way that far-too-clearly showed that he was being controlled by Classic Coco.

"Some things really DO never change, I suppose..." Aku Aku extremely-depressedly sighed as Crash immediately tackled Modern Coco onto the floor of her own house and then began violently fucking her while I finally got tired of writing this story and therefore decided to label this paragraph as "THE END" of it. Indeed, what could POSSIBLY happen in the next one of my Xan-Fics? Tune in next time to find out! Same ridiculously gross brain fetishism; same obnoxiously excessive usage of "shock value" humor, cartoon tropes and purple prose!