FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Ok this is my first story so go easy, please feel free to comment on your likes/dislikes but don't be mean about it.

It's prestory, and it's a bit long, just want to get in the boring details so I don't have to fill them in later editions

IF YOU LIKE THE STORY PLEASE COMMENT AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU LIKED/DIDN'T LIKE so I can improve my writing

MEETING MY SHADOW pt 1

I woke up with a jolt my heart pounding and my body sweaty. I had another flashback... I calm down as I lay there staring at my ceiling listening to the birds outside sing their morning song and my room grow lighter as the sun comes up. It's about a full half hour before I calm down this time. I'm getting worse. Now I should probably explain who I am and why I have flashbacks and of what. My name is kyle, I'm 18 years old I have strawberry blonde hair, a blue eye and a green eye, I'm around 5' 10" and in good shape. I live alone, my family is gone or rather dead...they were killed when I was 13 during a botched robbery at a bank.

My flashback/nightmare is the same as always, the memory of the day they died, they day I almost died. It was 5 years ago but it's always fresh in my mind. We were at the bank, my mother, my father. My dad was getting off work and we were there to see him, to surprise him because today my mom was going to announce to him that our family of three was going to be a family of four. Now usually the wife will tell the husband before the child, but my mom was funny like that.

We were standing at the koi pond in the middle because I liked to look at the huge gold fish swimming in there, in their artificial world, never wanting but never living. My mom was wearing a plain blue daydress, standing impatiently since my father was taking his time even though he knew we were here. He always took his time because he was always busy working...working for us he said, and we knew it, but we wish he would understand we didn't care so much about how much money he was making, for us, for our future, but the time we wish he'd spend with us.

Anyway I here my mom give a cluck of her tongue and I look up to see my father striding towards us, a smile on his face. He was crossing the small walkway in the pond when everything seemed to slow down. He was only a few feet away when time seemed to freeze. He was mouthing the words "Hey Kiddo!" Then his eyes got wide, he seemed to be falling, he crashed into the water. That's when my mind began to process things, when I began to hear the screams, the muffled ack ack ack of silenced guns, the bodies falling.... It seems a group of men towards the back and the innocent looking two women sitting in a bench towards the front were making a big withdrawel today, as they all had ugly looking guns in their hands, and they were all shooting. I felt something punch me in the side, I looked down, my white shirt was blossoming a red stain that grew bigger and bigger, my mom screamed....

I don't remember what happened next, all I remember is waking up in a bright white room, surrounded by beeps. I would slip in and out of conciousness for the next few days, doctors and nurses asking me how I felt, a man in a suit telling me my parents were no longer with us.... I didn't have any more family, that was it, no aunts or uncles, no grandparents, not even a godfather or godmother. The man in the suit told me I'd be taken care of, that my dad had it arranged I'd live with a friend of his. The next five years of my life are a blur, I went through them just getting up, eating, going to school, doing homework, then walking the grounds of the estate I lived on, Mr. Baxter's estate. He took good care of me, got me anything I needed, but like my dad he was never around, he never showed much interest in me other than to make sure I didn't get into trouble or go without. His wife was the same, some sort CEO so she was never around either.

The only time I ever felt alive was when I was in the woods, hiking, climbing over rocks and boulders, or swimming in streams. I loved to look at the wildlife. Sometimes I'd sit so still, deer, badgers, squirrels, would all walk mere feet from me, so close I could touch them. My favorite was the fox, it was the same one, a beautiful orange red with black tipped feet, white tipped tale and white chest and stomach. He (or she, I always called him a he) knew I was there, no matter how still I sat. He would stare at me, with those wise eyes, and I'd stare back, wanting to know what he thought of me, some sad pathetic boy who had no one else but these passing animals to keep me company. I'd talk to him, about life, about loneliness, and he seemed to listen before leaving. Even following me when I walk around, like a shadow always close by but always out of grasp. He seemed alone too so I think we were each others company.

When I turned 18 I got a chunk of the trust fund my dad set up, and the rest when I turn 21. I immediately left the Baxter's, thanked them for taking care of me, and had Mr Baxter (a lawyer) arrange the buying of a house on 200 acres of wilderness far away from anyone. I moved in immediately, the house was a log-cabin style house. No basement, but big kitchen, big rooms, a library, large windows and wood floors. I was in love. So that's how I got to where I was, and my flashbacks were that of my family's demise, of a life I should've had but don't.

I spend my days reading, and going into the woods. A housekeeper stopped by and kept the house tidy, and the fridge stocked, though I never made a mess or ate much. It was 2 weeks into my stay that I saw him, the fox. I don't know why, but I just knew it was the same. This time I was on a big ledge overlooking a small spring that was once a river bed. Harsh rocks below me, but I saw him still, 20 feet below me walking to the water, drinking, then inexplicably, looking right at me. I had a feeling I never did before, that I wanted to be close, to touch him. I told him to wait and started to climb down. I was a good climber but this time i seemed to rush myself, either way I slipped, and the ground came fast. Then nothing.

I woke up again, at first things were blurry, I just lay there trying to go over each limb, seeing if things were broken. I determined I'm ok, but going to be real sore tomorrow. A shadow crosses my face and then the face of my fox appears except he's different....he's bigger, and he's smiling.

"Some fall you had there" the fox says. I shudder and groan thinking I hit my head a LOT harder than I thought, that now I'm hallucinating.

"You ok?" the fox asks.

"I'm ok I think, just some brain damage is all" I say "thought I doubt talking to an anthro fox of a hallucination is good for me.

A hand touches my forehead, the smile from the fox's face disappears with a look of concern. Suddenly I'm lifted up into the seated positions. Two black furred hands are holding me under my armpits.

"well I've got good news and bad news" the fox says "the bad news is you're not going to make it back to your house alone, the good news is you're not hallucinating" I open my mouth to argue when I realize arguing with a hallucination is silly. I decide to go along, if my brain wants me to think a fox is helping me home, fine. I start to stand, and the fox helps me. I get a good look at him now that I'm standing. He's as tall as I am, with vivid blue eyes, spiky short orange hair on top, and his markings are the same as the normal fox. He's standing on his two legs, looking very human, and very foxy at the same time. He's got a slight build to him, like a swimmer or runner.

all in all quite a ravishing looking hallucination.

We make it back to my house, just a few hundred yards away. The whole time I'm walking slowly, hanging onto the left arm of my hallucination so I don't fall. By the time we make it inside I'm exhausted and dizzy. I drink some water and turn to confront my hallucination except he's gone. I feel a stab of sadness that he left, even though he was a hallucination he was company, and kind, and really good looking. I shake my head, a anthro fox hallucination good looking? I'm worse off than I thought. Despite knowing I shouldn't go to sleep in case I have a concussion I do anyways, the darkness takes me.

I wake up, but keep my eyes closed. I go over how I feel, sore but ok. Guess I don't need to see a doctor, not that I would anyway, I can never look at a doctor or be close to a hospital without feeling the intense pain and sorrow I felt that day 5 years ago. I open my eyes and notice there's a weight on my bed, I look over and there's my fox hallucination staring right at me. I close my eyes again and say "looks like I'm going to the doctors" but I know I won't.

"Oh, I don't see why, you look fine enough, and I checked you while you were sleeping you're fine" my hallucination replies.

"well it might have to do with the fact that I'm hallucinating you!" I shoot back.

My hallucination fox laughs, "I'm no hallucination, I'm as real as you". I just stare "you see you think I'm an hallucination because I can't be real, but I am" he continues "you see there's a lot you humans don't understand, and one thing is the power of nature, when two animals become bonded, through pain, a connection is made and if the conditions are right and the need is great enough one is able to change...at least in ways so that the other can identify with it and so here I am, changed just enough so that it can be real"

I stare, I don't quite understand. My hallucination just sighs and says "look I'll prove it" at that I roll my eyes and then close then wishing I hadn't permanently injured my brain the other day. When I open my eyes I'm instantly kissed by my hallucination. Warm lips on mine, deep blue eyes I seem to get lost in just inches from mine. It feels real, too real. More real than a lot of things I know to be real felt. I pull away, not because I didn't like the kiss, I did, a little fire seems to have begun burning in me, I just don't know what to do.

My hallucination...or rather my fox as I began to think of him just laughs. His laugh light and it makes me blush.

"who are you? What's your name? Why are you here" I blurt out. at that my fox stops and gives me a deep look.

"so you're ready to listen, to believe? Well I guess since you asked, and oh thanks for finally asking" he says with a grin "but my name is Luke, I am your fox, the one you've talked for for the last 5 years, the one you've told me your feelings, your hurt, your loneliness... I'm here because we've formed a bond, one that I can't help but try and keep and nature, not nature you understand but the real one, the one humans have lost the ability to grasp."

I just lay there, staring into his eyes, believing it, but not understanding. I keep peering into his eyes, and his into mine and I feel like he can see my soul, I feel vulnerable yet I can't look away. Eventually I just blush and say "well either this is a hallucination and there's nothing I can do about it or it's real, either way I'm just going to go with it."

that answer doesn't seem to make Luke happy, but he nods understandingly. It's getting dark out, and I feel tired again. "you can stay here if you want Luke, I don't have a guest bed set up, they're all wrapped in plastic still, but you can sleep on my bed and I'll take the floor" I say.

"Oh I don't think that'll be necessary" Luke says. He climbs into bed . I feel the urge to resist getting close but then an even bigger urge to get closer takes over me. I snuggle close. My head against his creamy white chest. I hear his heart beat and feel his chest expand and contract as he breathes. The fire in me burns even hotter, and I feel like my whole body is warm like drinking a hot liquid on a cold cold day that spreads through you. I close my eyes and feel his arms wrap around me.

I don't know what this is, but I like it.