A Lion's Needs: Seeking (Part 4 of 7)
#11 of A Bear's & A Lion's Needs
This story is a sequel to A Bear's Needs, but knowledge of the prior story is not required to enjoy this.
Read A Bear's Needs here if you're interested:https://www.sofurry.com/browse/folder/stories?by=560723&folder=78879https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery/apatapa/folder/956319/A-Bears-A-Lions-Needs
Following a night out with Scott and an awkward confrontation with Cam, Tristan struggles to gather his thoughts on his relationship.
It was impossible to tell what was making me feel worse. My hangover, or what happened with Cam.
I lay in bed for hours, feeling crook. My heart was heavy, my body ached and my mind was in constant flux. I was miserable and feeling helpless.
But as the morning dragged on my thoughts started to travel.
That stag from last night had asked me point blank what the point of my relationship was. And sober, I was no longer apathetic or uncertain.
I had an answer.
I loved Cam. That was the only point there had to be. That our relationship was a function of our feelings for each other. It was that simple.
But if that was true, then why was the exercise of performing our relationship not as clear as I thought those feelings were?
And that question stumped me.
Not because I had no answer, but because the answer I came up with felt so inconceivable.
That we were deluded.
That what we called love for each other was something else, something less pure.
I had no framework to examine that.
When I was happy, I was loud with my appreciation for others. I made a habit of sharing good vibes, spreading what love I could. I thrived off of it.
But after struggling alongside Cam for as long as I had, I couldn't manage even that.
I frowned.
He was a complicated guy. Rife with insecurities and fears. And as I'd fallen in love with him, I'd learned how to appreciate him for all his nuances. For as long as I'd known him, he made it known he often felt misunderstood. And as his friend I'd made it my mission to understand him, but it wasn't until we started dating did I really feel like I'd made sense of him.
And somewhere in the muck of all of that, I'd lost track of how to broadcast my love for others.
Thinking it through, the reason for that became evident.
I'd internalized his anxiety about being misunderstood.
I used to be certain enough about my interpretation of others to indicate to them I appreciated them being who they were. But these days, that felt too difficult. That I might be missing so many nuances that mattered to them.
Last night the alcohol had loosened my thoughts. With that stag, I'd succeeded. He presented a simple version of himself who was after my body. I answered in kind by showing him appreciation for his lust.
And more often than not that's all it had to be.
I didn't want to shoulder Cam's neurotic tendencies.
But I wasn't sure how I could avoid it so long as I was around him. Understanding him meant reflecting him and I was a sensitive soul, I took on stuff too easily from people I was around.
So what was I meant to do?
I'd spent years of my life trying to help him grow out of those things.
Rob had talked Cam into trying therapy and it didn't go so well.
He was difficult, and that was fine. He deserved patience, support and respect to help him grow.
But I couldn't live like this. I didn't want to.
It didn't have to be this way, right?
Was there more I could do?
I scrunched up my face.
Why was I always the one having to put in more effort?
I hated this.
I really did.
It wounded me so deeply that my only solutions felt like more effort I wasn't able to spend.
Even all this thinking felt like more than I should be doing, because I knew Cam would never reflect on our issues like this.
So I gave up.
I needed comfort and a better perspective. Not this.
I crawled out of bed and threw myself in the shower.
Though my thoughts kept leaning into the mess, I begged myself to not spend any more energy on it. I'd just end up upset and I'd likely wind up doing something that made it worse.
Scott would help me keep my mind off of it though and I felt myself ease up as I made my way to his workshop.
I knew what I wanted as I threw the door to his office open.
He glanced up at me, the surprise on his face hardened to a grin immediately.
"Is Rob home today?" I asked, closing his door behind me.
He cocked his head. "Shouldn't be. Think he's seeing his therapist."
"Take your lunch break, take me home, take me in your bed." The fact I could even assert my wants so plainly felt like proof his plan had worked. I'd rooted out the most wounded parts of me and knew how I wanted them to heal.
Desire lit up his eyes, he rubbed at his chin. "Gunshy of public after that stag?"
"Not at all, just want comfy."
He chuckled. "Feeling rough?"
"Like I've been through a meat grinder." I bit my lip. "Had a moment last night with Cam."
"Oh?" Scott stared.
"Don't think it needs to be talked about actually." I pressed a hand to my sternum. "Think I just need to get slammed."
He snorted as he rose to his feet. "Off we go then." He snatched his keys off of his desk and threw his leather jacket on in a hurry. He stepped towards me to snake an arm up my back and clutching a fistful of my mane he kissed me hard on the lips. "Whore." He pressed the word into my mouth with force.
I relaxed into him, mirroring every slight motion he made with his tongue until he pulled back, a strand of spit connecting our lips. His hold on my mane loosened as his hand came round to slap me across the face. Hard enough to sting.
I grunted, arousal warmed within me.
Expecting more, I shut my eyes but he opened the door instead and threw me out of his office.
The workshop was lively with the sound of tools. A mechanic crouched by the tyre of a car, her back to us. My heart raced as Scott pushed me towards where his bike was parked, too forceful to be playful.
Not aggressive enough to be anger.
A mechanic in overalls stepped around a corner, they took one look at us and chuckled, their gaze lingering on Scott as they shook their head.
It only seemed to fire him up more because when we reached his bike he pinned me against it and kissed me again, this time in broad daylight. He took his seat, I climbed on behind him and hugged his stocky body. With a rev of his engine he tore off. The wind whipped through my mane as he accelerated onto the road that went up into the mountains.
The ride out to Rob's lodge was always pleasant, riddled with scenic views as it went through the autumnal forest whose vibrant boughs hugged the rocky faces of the mountain's paths. My focus wavered under nature's beauty and the fresh air wiped arousal clean from my body.
Rob's lodge was tucked away in a small valley, built of locally harvested wood and stone by Rob's family. The old building had aged into its surroundings so naturally that it was hard to imagine that this glade was once empty. That all the passionate memories set here could've happened anywhere else, or perhaps not at all.
That this place was where my relationship with Cam had started.
I wanted to come here to help reflect. To counterbalance this growing frustration that was I alone in my efforts to fix this relationship. Because Cam was the one who put us in motion and that moment was both the happiest and proudest I'd ever been with him. I needed to reconnect with that moment and all the appreciation I felt when he put in the effort, when it was clear he wanted me.
A sigh shaped my lips.
Needed to contrast it to what was happening now, hopefully reshape the lens I had around Cam for better or for worse.
Scott parked his bike around the back. I took a moment to draw in a deep breath before we entered through the back door. The air of the forest was thick with comfort.
A grin stretched wide on my face as we stepped in. This place held so many memories for me already and I was keen to make another.
"Always love coming here." I sighed as we wandered through to the living area.
I froze.
"Tristan?" Rob was sitting on his sofa in his underwear, newspaper folded across his lap, looking surprised more than anything else.
"Hey." I had to refrain from biting my lip.
Scott chuckled under his breath. "Hey sweetie." He stood behind me, hand on my shoulder.
Rob raised an eyebrow at us. "What's up?"
"Not much." Scott leant forward to tease my ear with his teeth. "Just screwing this whore in our bed on lunch."
Rob thumbed his chin. "Uhuh." He gave us a strange look. "Have fun."
"You're welcome to join if-" Scott offered.
"Nah." Rob tilted his head. "Not up for it." Scott made a grim sound. I tensed.
There was something a little hesitant about Rob that I wasn't sure how to read. "Everything alright?" I asked.
"Great question. Talk later." He waved us off. "Enjoy yourselves."
"You sure?" I tilted my head, heart beating a little faster.
"You guys should hurry, wouldn't want Scott to be late back to work." Rob shot us a dangerous look.
Scott rubbed my shoulder, nudging me towards the bedroom.
I got the hint but didn't want to take it.
Anxieties built in my chest.
"We can talk now if you want," I said.
Rob shrugged. "Not much to say, just getting dinner with Cam tonight." He wore a tart smile.
My heart sunk in my chest.
"Uh oh." Scott chuckled nervously.
"Is it uh oh?" Rob glanced to him, sourness in his voice. "I couldn't tell from the tears when he called me this morning."
"Damn it," I spat under my breath, my heart sunk in my chest.
Scott shuffled uncomfortably. "Yeah, look. Figured this might happen." He took a step towards the couches. "Why don't we-"
Rob shook his head. "Wouldn't want to get in the way of your plans."
Scott looked back to me. "Two ways we can play this. Do as he says or bite the bullet."
I let breath stream through my lips and dropped onto the other couch beside Rob.
Surprisingly, Scott fell in behind me. He pulled me back against his side, arm around my shoulders as he nuzzled my head. Warmth eased some of the anxiety in my chest. He knew what I needed.
Rob stared at us, a little flustered.
"Scott. Last night you said you were handling things," he started. I held back a wince. I was foolish to think they wouldn't talk about it.
Scott shrugged. "Admittedly, I wasn't sure what was happening with Cam and also, quite fucked at the time." He kissed the back of my ear. "So when I said that, I probably meant it from this guy's side of things, which actually, I stand by."
I nodded softly. "What'd Cam tell you?"
Rob sighed. "He was really upset. Said you two have been drifting apart and instead of trying to fix it, you and Scott were just fucking off and doing your own thing."
I made a face. "It's more complicated than that."
"Sure." Rob gave me a sour look. "But while he's in tears you two are coming to fuck in my bed."
Scott chuckled. "Yeah, bad look." He brushed his fingers through my mane. "But I stand by it, just a messy situation all 'round."
"I'm not doing this to torture him." I couldn't hold back a scowl, nor the bite in my words. Rob had put me on the spot and I couldn't help being defensive when he was glaring accusations at me. "Everything feels messed between us and I didn't know what to do."
Rob sighed. "I know you've probably got a dozen excuses to justify it but you made a commitment to him and you can't just-"
"Actually." Scott piped in with a hearty dose of smugness. "I think Tristan made the right call and you're the last person who should be preaching what should or shouldn't happen in a relationship. They're struggling. He asked for my help. I'm giving him my help. If Cam's asked for yours, that's good. He's done the right thing too, sucks that he's more strung up about it though. But if you're looking at this like someone's to blame then I think you've got the wrong idea." Scott rubbed my back. "I'm actually surprised you think that, do you realize you're assuming Tristan of all people wouldn't try his best by someone he loves?" Scott shook his head. "Honestly."
Rob frowned and leant back. He stared at me for a long moment, nodding slowly to himself. "Sorry." He rubbed at his face. "I just..." He stopped and sighed.
"Shithead." Scott smirked.
Rob shot him a look, then shook his head. "Alright. Yeah." He sighed again. "Tristan, have you tried your best by him?"
"Yep, to the point where I'm so burned out and depressed I can't even begin to..." I trailed off.
He was staring at me, a crease in his brow and pity in his eyes. He leant forward and put a hand on my knee. "I'm sorry."
I looked back at him, the uneasiness in my belly faded. Scott's arm around me grew warmer.
"You okay?" Rob asked.
I gave a weak nod. "Getting through it," I muttered.
Rob rubbed at his face. "I'm such a jackass." He rose to his feet and pulled me into his arms. "He sounded so upset, I couldn't believe it but he kept talking and..."
"It's alright." I nuzzled his face, warmth glowed through me at the contact. "I'm glad you're there for him."
He leant back, hands on my shoulders. "What happened? You two were so happy."
I shrugged. "If I knew I'd tell you. One day, things just weren't so good." I frowned. "And I tried my best, I think he did too. Only things keep getting weirder and weirder and we make each other so upset."
Rob glanced over my shoulder at Scott, who stood up and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Dumbass," Scott addressed his husband. He leant forward over me, his body pressed against mine as he kissed Rob on the nose. "I've been giving him a break from it all."
I reached a hand up to hold his shoulder. "It's made such a big difference." A weak smile shaped my lips. "I really needed some care."
"'Course you did." Scott kissed my cheek. "Whore."
"I see." Rob pushed forward again, embracing me warmly.
Sandwiched between the two bears, I felt at ease. All the tension and anxieties of the moment sloughed off my shoulders.
I eased up, relaxed as they both hugged me tighter.
Rob's hand crept up my back. He tightened a fist in my mane.
I grunted as he kissed me, surprised more than anything.
But wanting.
Fuck.
Passion licked at my thoughts.
So fucking wanting.
Rob shoved us backwards. I jerked as Scott tugged me down to the couch and held me even tighter in his arms. I squirmed, trying to find a more comfortable position but his grip was iron. Rob tugged at my pants, tauntingly slow. I stared up at him, he was smiling as he unzipped my fly tooth by tooth.
I grunted, with my ass pressed against Scott's lap I felt him start to harden.
Rob groped my growing erection, squeezing almost painfully as he finished unzipping my fly. He made eye contact as he yanked my pants off and flung them across the room.
A whimper slipped past my lips as he descended on me, head first into my crotch. He breathed deep my scent, his hand snuck up under my shirt to squeeze one of my nipples. His snout pressed against my throbbing cock. I gasped as Scott tightened his hold on me almost painfully. I moved my legs, trying to find a more comfortable position but Rob grabbed both of my ankles.
It took effort to breathe against Scott's grip. My arms and legs were trapped by their holds.
Rob nuzzled my cock through my briefs.
I gasped and pushed my hips forward.
He put his mouth around my head and tongued it softly through the clothing. I grunted and squirmed at the warmth of it, bracing to force my hips even further forward.
Scott shifted his hold on me, one hand under my neck to force my head away, the other reached to yank my underwear off.
The warm shock of Rob's mouth around my cock caught me by surprise. I shuddered a low moan, my entire body strained against Scott's. I could hardly even see what was happening, only feel the pleasure of Rob forcing himself down to gag on my dick.
I groaned as he started going faster, rough and sloppy but full of passion. Both of them were like that, unpredictable in a way that only made it better. Rob's nose grazed my crotch. He grunted as he slurped on me. I stretched and threw my head to the side to slip out of Scott's hold. I glanced down at Rob as he gagged on me. A wave of pleasure washed over me.
These bears were filthy.
Scott shoved Rob back with his legs and threw me sideways on the couch. He yanked my ass up and tore off my briefs entirely. His nose brushed the back of my tail as he shoved his muzzle between my cheeks and started rimming me.
Whiplash made the sensation that much sharper as his broad tongue lapped at my hole.
I moaned, face scrunched and eyes shut.
But I couldn't even finish the sound before Rob's hard cock pressed against my lips.
I threw my head forward, slurping on his pre-soaked dick as I took half of him in my mouth. I let my moans fade into purrs, the erratic vibrations brought gasps out of Rob as I slowly worked my way down his shaft.
Scott growled as he buried his face in my ass.
Rob put his hand on the side of my face and crammed the rest of his cock in me.
I grunted, so taken by the force they both used. I had no choice but to suck and be made ready to take dick. I loved it. Scott's thick hands held my chest tight. This position was uncomfortable and I couldn't move but that only made me wild.
My jaws stretched as Scott shoved two fingers into me. A gasp was squashed by Rob humping my face.
I shuddered and moaned and urged them on under my breath.
Scott slapped my ass with force. I yelped and jerked back against the cushions. Rob knelt on the couch, his belly covered my vision as he forced himself back into my mouth. I was pinned under his weight to the point of pain.
He thrust into my muzzle. I sucked on him harder, his humping broke the suction with loud slurps.
Scott splayed his fingers.
My jaw clenched as he pushed a third in, more as a test than anything else because he yanked them out and stood a moment later.
I heard his belt click as he dropped his pants.
His hand slid down my ass.
Rob's knee moved in tighter against my neck. I gasped in breaths.
Scott stabbed his cock into me.
I tried to jerk back against the cushions but there was no room. I barely moved an inch, which Rob adjusted to take from me. I gulped on his dick, heat rising in my face. My lungs ached for more air I was struggling to find, and what I could was warm with the bear's scent.
I moaned as Scott built up a rhythm, his balls slapped against my ass as he plowed me and growled.
Lightheadedness took me.
I slammed a hand against Rob's side, trying to lever him off me but he gave me no ground.
I hissed, jaw stretching as I tried to breathe.
He yanked his cock out of my mouth.
I gasped in air, entire body trembling. Scott yanked me into his arms and held me back against his chest as he sat down. He forced me to ride him.
Rob stood over us. His cock twitched, covered in my spit. He squeezed his pre onto my chest and trailed his fingers through it as he crept down to stroke me.
A spurt of my pre wet the back of his hand, which slipped off of my dick and trailed lower.
Pleasure blazed like fire in my chest as Scott hammered my guts.
Rob's finger brushed past my nuts.
I clenched and gasped as he pressed it against my asshole.
His finger pressed into me alongside his husband's cock. A second finger probed the rim of my hole. I shuddered, face scrunched as it started to push in.
I winced as he forced it in.
A groan made me throw my head back as I adjusted to the strain of it. I stared up at the ceiling, breathing heavy. Pain quivered at the edge of my mind, lost beneath a wave of pleasure as Rob started moving his fingers within me.
"Take it slut." Scott growled in my ear. I fought back a hiss as he started thrusting into me. My teeth bared as pain flickered. I crumpled back against him, unable to hold myself together.
Rob wriggled his thick fingers, testing how much more I could take. Every slight motion brought with it a spike of pain immediately followed by a numbing dose of pleasure.
I craved this.
Wanted more.
Needed more.
Through clenched teeth I begged. "Fuck me." I gasped as Scott thrust deeper in. "Both of you." I grabbed a fistful of his fur and shuddered.
Rob stood, a twinkle in his eye. "Turn around." His voice came backed with force.
Scott's hold on me eased. I lifted myself off of his cock, my legs weak as I turned and sat facing the older bear. His cock throbbed against my back as he leant forward and kissed me, his tongue pressed against mine.
A shiver rushed through me as Rob lifted my tail.
He thrust into me fast. I gasped as he humped me a few times, feeling me out.
"Loose whore." He gripped my mane and shoved me against Scott's chest.
One of Scott's hands travelled south. He grabbed his cock and inched his hips back.
I was weak as the thick head of his cock brushed my hole. I wasn't even sure I could take the both of them.
But fuck I wanted to try.
I braced against his chest as he tried to find the best angle. Rob stilled as Scott started pushing into me.
Pain lit up my body. I jolted, but Rob kept me pinned down against Scott's chest. A yowl escaped my throat.
It was already the most I'd ever taken.
Scott grunted. "Fuck..." he trailed off as he pressed harder against me, lost to the pleasure of the contact.
His cock started sliding in slowly alongside Rob's.
Another yowl wracked my body.
They both froze.
I started pushing down against them, trying to cram them even deeper and that was all the confidence they needed.
Scott huffed as he pushed the last inch into me.
Rob exhaled, hot and heavy as he ground his hips slowly against me.
I felt both their cocks together as they started to move, felt them rub against each other within me.
I moaned and went limp.
Bliss stole my breath.
Pleasure surged through me in uneven jolts as they thrust out of sync.
I buried my face in Scott's chest, glad to have someone firm to hold onto.
He thrust a little harder.
A touch of aggression to offset Rob's steadier pace.
I winced and moaned. Pre oozed from my cock as they rubbed against my prostate. The pressure was unlike anything I'd felt before. I was wild for more but totally immobilized by the sensation of it.
Sandwiched between them all I could do was whimper and take it.
And that was perfect.
I held Scott tight and relinquished myself to their mercy. The irregularity of their pace only made each sudden flash of pleasure so much more intense. Rob started fucking me harder to match his husband's force. Some distant part of my brain acknowledged pain but it was lost among the pleasure.
I couldn't control myself.
Another spurt of my pre coated Scott's chest. I wanted to thrust back alongside them but I was weak. I could feel my orgasm building and I couldn't fight it down.
Being fucked by both of them at the same time was too much.
I tried to hold onto myself, but slack-jawed and lightheaded I crumbled.
I shouted, my body jerked as my cum painted Scott from belly to snout.
He growled back at me, humping me even harder as I convulsed from the pleasure.
The sensation grew to a fever pitch within my skull that sparked in my vision. I stopped breathing just to moan as loud as I could manage. I went like jelly in Scott's arms as the both of them slammed me harder still.
Scott smacked his lips as he licked at my cum.
He loosed a fiery growl, his body tensed.
His claws dug into my back as he shoved himself deep in me.
I felt him throb as he came within me.
Rob fell against my back, he was groaning as he squelched within me. His heavy balls slapped against Scott's cock until he gasped and sprayed another load in me.
I moaned between them, still lost to the rough pleasure.
I could feel both of them twitching within me, coated in each other's spunk.
Something lifted my head.
Scott's tongue pressed into my mouth as he kissed me passionately.
"Fuck." He growled as he pushed me back. "Whore."
Rob pulled out. He crashed into the couch beside us. He was heaving in breaths as he rubbed the top of my head.
I could only pant against Scott's chest.
My hole glowed with relief as he slid out of me too.
Pins and needles rushed through my entire body.
I flopped back and tried to get up, still panting. Legs shaking.
That was without question the hottest thing I'd ever be a part of. From the surprise of it, how hard they used me. I'd never taken two cocks at once before.
But damn I'd do it again.
"You're not done." Scott snatched my tail and yanked me back.
I gasped and moaned as his muzzle pressed against my ass. His hand crept up my back as he lapped their mess out of me. I shivered and moaned, the sensation so soft and warm compared to the strain of taking two cocks.
He tugged me back into his arms and nuzzled my neck affectionately.
All I could do was purr in his embrace.
Rob leant against my side, his hand rubbed my belly.
The three of us sat in tired bliss as we recovered, the two of them played with my body and I fell like putty in their arms. They were caring and warm and the contact was so overwhelmingly delightful after the intensity of their penetration. I was shaky as a rush of endorphins buzzed through me.
This was the best I'd felt in a long time, perhaps ever. The pure joy of this moment was unparallelled to anything. Even Cam confessing his feelings for me.
And that wasn't the reflection I was expecting.
But that was fine, this moment dragged on far longer than I was expecting and the more their hands caressed my body the better I felt until finally Rob kissed my cheek.
"I gotta go, session with my therapist," he said.
"Alright." I exhaled, mind fuzzy with warmth. "Thanks."
"Mmm." He brushed his fingers down my chest as he stood. "I'll see how I can help Cam tonight, hopefully it can be fixed aye?"
I nodded firmly. "Hopefully."
Scott cleared his throat. "Hope you both know it's not the end of the world if it can't be."
I grunted, not quite what I expected to hear.
Rob's ears twitched. "Sure, but we'll do what we can."
"Of course." Scott nodded as he wrapped his arms firm around me.
Rob smiled at us one last time before he headed for the shower.
I nuzzled my head back against Scott's chin, too weak to stand.
"I think..." He rubbed my chest as he held me. "I'm phoning in work and not heading back. That was, damn." He chuckled. "Something else entirely."
"Yeah." I purred as he scratched under my chin. I was overwhelmed in the best of ways.
"Hey sorry we didn't screw in my bed like you wanted." The sarcasm was thick in his words.
I laughed. "Like that wasn't better." I rubbed the back of my head against his chest. "Scott?" There was something I needed to say. Something so pressing and essential I couldn't contain it any longer.
"Yeah?"
A surge of passion rushed from my breast. "I love you."
He rubbed my ears. "Love you too."
"Nah." I rolled over and sat up, staring at his face. My heart hammered in my chest. "Right now, I think I mean that as strongly as I can. Not just a platonic thing." It wasn't even confusing.
I really did mean that.
Like a blazing star my feelings for him had beyond eclipsed anything I felt for Cam.
He smirked. "Sure. I'm not surprised." He perked up and kissed me on the lips. "Bold of you to assume I mightn't feel similarly."
My heart tripped. "Really?"
He snorted. "Always was a funny line between us." He kissed me again. "Rob and I, we've spoken about it a bit before. That we're just kidding ourselves if we think what happens between all of us is just like, a friends thing."
I hummed.
"I dunno how to really say it past that." He kissed me once more. "But you're barely a candle to Rob's flame." He smirked. "And I hope you understand that."
"Sure." I felt a little dizzy, hardly believing I was about to speak the words on my tongue. "But Cam's fire's burning down and yours is roaring."
He raised an eyebrow. "Again, not surprised." He pulled me by the arms and kissed my neck as he lay over me. "I'm not going to lean towards any conclusions." He teased me with his teeth. "But if things don't pan out with Cam that spare room's got your name on it and not his, not that you'll need it much."
I paused. "What?"
He laughed. "Rob might've cracked the shits at you earlier. He might seem closer to Cam. But even he knows where you sit between us." Scott stared into me, a fiery grin on his face. "And let me fucking tell you. It's a hell of a lot closer than Cam's ever been. Rob's just loyal."
Nerves fizzled in my fingers. I could hardly believe the words he was saying.
He kept going.
"Between you and me, never really liked Kenneth." That was Cam's father, a friend of Scott and Rob's since they were young. "But again, Rob's just loyal."
I blinked, stunned.
"Y'know. I'm telling you these things cuz you're a decent guy." He kissed my neck. "And I know you're not going to do something unfair to Cam. Question for you. How's Rob's fire burning?"
I could hardly string words together. "Not far behind you, ahead of Cam."
"Hmm." He cocked his head, staring right into my eyes. "Cutting your losses is a pretty good option."
I jolted out from under him, creeping up the couch as my heart thundered in my chest. "Say again?"
"What?" He smirked at me. "Just being real. Cutting your losses is on the table and I just wanted you to be aware of that."
I gaped at him, shocked to hear it. "Scott, I-"
"Not telling you to do it." He leant back, hand on his chest. "Just helping you know your options."
I frowned.
It was too much to consider.
But it was attractive.
I shook it from my thoughts.
It wouldn't be right.
"And just so I'm absolutely certain it's gone into your head." He smiled as he spoke. "Should you decide you want it, there is room in our relationship for you. Rob and I have spoken about it and agreed upon it. It is very unlikely he's changed his mind. But this last day, man, it's really convinced me that actually I want that. Not like, passively either. So I'm telling you. I want you. I want to do what we just did again. I want to do even more with you. So does Rob. And I know you do too."
"I'll think about it," I said, a little muffled. I was dazed.
"You won't actually." Scott laughed. "And that's why I told you."
I stared blankly at him, the moment spun out around us.
I wasn't sure what to say.
Wasn't sure what to feel.
"Um, I should get--"
"Yeah, yeah." He stood and placed his hand on my head. "I'll take you back to town. I know it's like, a bit of a big deal so unless you want my company, I'll leave you to it?" He scratched at my ears.
I slumped forward and sighed. "Yeah. Thanks, think I need some time alone."
"Rest up sweetie." He lifted my chin, a warm smile on his face. "It's all a bit much, even for you."
"Mmm."
He rubbed my neck, all gentle and affectionate.
And though it soothed me to my core, was that really what I should be indulging?
I winced. What was Cam even?
He was stress and he was comfort.
But those two things were so at odds with each other.
Scott and Rob were only good to me. And I was good for them too.
That thought lodged itself in my mind like a burr in my mane. So deeply embedded it couldn't be removed without cutting an entire clump out, but the thought of doing so was too painful.
Scott and I hardly said another word to each other as he took me home.
I spent the rest of the day lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling exhausted and physically content but so wildly lost in thought.
It was too easy to surmise that I'd be better off with them.
Did that mean having to split from Cam though? Not necessarily.
But I wasn't any closer to knowing what I should do about Cam.
My thoughts leant towards maximum effort; pushing myself to cover ever base with him regardless of his contribution and really work things out. It was how I usually resolved difficult issues but...
I was exhausted.
The thought of doing that right now was just too much.
If he didn't meet me halfway, I couldn't.
And that left a sour note in my head.
Because deep down I knew he wouldn't.