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Jamie and I are still close. He and Rory have gotten close again. He's asked to spend a night or weekend with us. But Dad and his Mom won't let him. Dad won't even talk about me Rory says. He's really mad that I took my Mom's name back as an adult. Rory told him that I had said that Jim Kitman never even remotely acted like a real father to me, like he did for Jamie or Rory himself. What does it matter that he's mad? He's never been a father to me, he only did what he felt was necessary as I was his bastard son. Edward helps me see Jamie when his Mom is out. Jamie and I just don't talk about his parents. (I should have, Jamie's really hurting because of all the fighting his Mom and Dad are doing.)

Late at night though, I regret how things turned out. Mom died, but I have a Dad, but he's never gotten close to me. But he did give me money. I sent a registered letter to him at his office, saying if he wanted I'd give his father's money back. But he never answered it. I know he got it. (What I don't know is how much tension there is between him and Martha right now.)(Nor do I know how mad my letter made him. He feels I want nothing to do with him now. It's about to push him to his breaking point which will be good for all of us in the long run. Though I'm the one who'll have the nervous breakdown.)

We're busy at the office and I've had a hell of a week. On Saturday night I go with Rory to the Den. I'm horny and I could use a hot fuck. Vlad and Nigel come too. (Vlad's gonna try to set me up tonight with a Russian who lives here that he knows. He's a Doctor too. But my night will get shot all to Hell first.)

Vlad's talking to me in Russian as he knows I speak it too. He's telling me about a guy he knows who's just emigrated and who he thinks I'll like. "Katya, he likes his fellow Felines a lot, he'll love you" Vlad says taking a sip of his beer. I don't drink and I'm just having Diet Coke. "Who and what?"I ask Vlad. "He is Dr Ivan Kalashnikov and he is a African Lion like your Dad" Vlad says smiling. "He's as big as I am and he's a good Lion, he was trained in Moscow and has come here to teach at Sacramento State Medical School, I have met him and he is a good male" Vlad says smiling. Nigel's busy talking to Rory and Teddy. I do like Felines and I don't think it'll bother me that he's a Lion as Dad is and I think I could at least meet this guy. He'll be big and sexy if he's as big as Vlad.

My cell rings upsetting my train of thought about this Lion. It's Edward. He does keep in touch. He's cared about me all along and he's provided what fatherly guidance I have had in my life. I answer and he's upset. "Claude, you and Rory must come home now" he says. "Why?" I ask. "Martha is leaving Jim and threatening to take Jamie and it's getting ugly" he says. "Jamie is hysterical" Edward says. "I'll come for Jamie, we'll do what we can to help our baby brother" I say angrily. I quickly explain to Rory and he agrees with me. I give Vlad my keys and Rory and I run out and get in his car. He drives us to Jim's house quickly.

We go in and they're fighting loud and hard, and Jamie's freaked out.. Rory and I cuddle and comfort Jamie and he cries. He's scared as Hell and won't let go of me at all. I can hear them now. Dad's giving her Hell about keeping him from his sons and forcing them to leave his home. She's threatening to take Jamie, and he tells her he fought for us and he'll fight for Jamie too. He reminds her that they have a prenuptial agreement that says he keeps any children that result from the marriage and that she signed it. Well I guess he learned from Rory and I. I hear a door slam and then silence. (She's gone and won't be back)

Dad barges in to Jamie's room and seems surprised to see us here. "Why?" he asks. "Edward told us what was happening and we came to look after Jamie" I say angrily. Dad hugs Rory. I look at him and I know the anger shows in my eyes. "Claude, it's not too late for us" Dad says putting a paw out to me. Jamie nods at me. "It's time, Claude, Dad needs you" he says softly. "Claude, I love you, you are my son too" Dad says. Rory takes Jamie from me. Dad hugs me, I'm a bit tense but I quickly break down and cry on his shoulder.."She was jealous of you, you saw through her and you made me see when you left what was going on, I'm so sorry, Boy" Dad says weeping himself now.

"Come home?" he asks. "I can't, Dad, I love you but this is not my home, never really was, but I'll come to see you and Jamie" I say softly. "I guess I wasn't very much of a father to you like I was to Rory or Jamie" Dad says softly. I understand something now. I did feel that. He loved Jamie unreservedly and Rory too. I wonder if I can get past that. He's really sorry he wasn't better to me. But this realization is causing me a blinding amount of pain. I'm really holding on to my temper as I'm afraid I could permanently sabotage this. Dad's finally begun to admit how badly he treated me and he seems to want to try to make it right. But I'm reacting differently than I always thought I would. I'm obsessed with the thought of 'what's so wrong with me that my Daddy doesn't love me' and I'm really hurting now.

"Dad, I will try to forgive you, you loved Jamie and Rory, but I was always just an annoyance to you, or it seemed that way to me by the way you treated me" I say. "Claude, that's not fair to Dad, you came in with an attitude and you never tried either" Rory says. I look oddly at him."I responded if he tried, and I did try to get to know him, but she wouldn't let him much" I snort. "Claude, she isn't all to blame" Dad says quietly. Rory and I look at him.

"I would see Megan everytime I looked at you, and it hurt too much" Dad says. "I know you probably won't believe me, but I never got over her, Martha saw that, it's why we fought and she left me" Dad says. I'm stunned and not sure what to say now. I know now I need to do what Vlad once told me I should do, go get therapy. Even Mom's death didn't hurt this much. He's admitted to not loving me like he did Rory or Jamie. And I hurt really badly. I have to get out of here before I make this worse by going off on him. He deserves it, but I'm not ready to completely burn any bridges now. I feel my self control slipping and the urge to really nuke him is really too strong to hold back much longer.

I hug Jamie and I leave. I call a cab and go home. On the way, I call the guy Vlad recommended to me. A Dr Jonas White. He can see me in a couple of days and he agrees I needed to come sooner. When I get home I call Dad. We have a long and very painful conversation. But he knows I'm going to get therapy to get beyond this. I do love him, and we can build some sort of relationship with time. He's sorry that things have gone this way too, and he's willing to do what he can to heal us both. I feel better but I'm devastated at heart. His last words to me before I hang up are to beg me to forgive him. I want to, I don't want to keep hurting him and myself but I can't yet. And he's crying so much harder when he hangs up. (I told him he'd only acted like he was my sperm donor, and it hurt him badly.)

Rory's mad at me when he comes home. (Dad told him I'd called him my sperm donor instead of my father.)He walks by me without speaking and slams their bedroom door. I know better than to talk to him before he calms down. And if he doesn't calm down, he can damn well just move out. I bought the condo and it's in my name, let him and Teddy go live with our Dad. I begin to see that Rory doesn't understand my pains as much as I thought he did. Dad didn't try as hard to reconcile with me as he did him. Dad called Rory a lot and even at work and begged him to come home. And he's not tried before tonight to let me know he loved me. He wouldn't return my calls even. And I know Dad loves him more than me. I knew he loves Jamie more than us, but somehow I can understand that and not get upset by it. But I feel so alone and unloved, and worse yet, unlovable.

I go to bed and basically cry myself to sleep. I feel so unwanted now. Mom died, but she loved me. Jim says he loves me, but he's kept me at a distance. No one really loves me or cares if I live or die. Maybe I should have gone with Mom and died too. I wake frequently with nightmares and it's a very rough night.

I'm not feeling much better when I wake up. I'm alone except for Alfred. I can hear him cleaning in the living room. And Nigel and Vlad didn't come home last night. Rory and Teddy's bedroom door is open and they're gone. I wonder where everyone is. I stumble out and get some coffee. Alfred brings me breakfast. "Rory and Teddy have gone to your Father's, and Nigel and Vlad stayed with a friend last night" Alfred tells me. "Let them, they can leave if they want, they'll leave me all alone eventually anyway" I say sourly. Alfred says nothing for the moment. (Rory went to Dad to tell him he and Teddy were moving out and going to move in with him. But Dad begged him to stay with me. He knows I need Rory even if I don't admit it always. Dad also wants Rory to try and get me to move home too.)

It's going to be a long weekend and this is just Saturday morning. And in the mood I'm in, it's not going to be a pleasant one for sure. The door opens and Nigel and Vlad come in laughing and joking with someone. He's huge and gorgeous. It's the Lion Vlad wanted me to meet. Nigel goes in to the kitchen to talk to Alfred. Vlad's noticed my bad mood and he takes the big Lion out to the patio until he or Nigel can find out why I'm upset.

I go lay on my bed and turn the TV on. Nigel comes in."What happened?" he asks. I explain what all happened last night. "Claude, you shouldn't wait to be seen, let Vlad call Jonas, they're friends and Jonas would come see you now" Nigel says. I would argue, but Nigel knows me too well. And I don't like feeling this way. "Tell Vlad to call him" I say. Nigel nods. And he goes out. Somehow I feel like I'm only holding on by the skin of my claws.

After about ten minutes, the big Lion comes and sits on my bed by me. "I am sorry things are so rough for you, Katya" he says gently. "You are a beautiful Lion, Dr Kalashnikov" I say gently. He smiles at me. "I would like to go out with you when things get better for you" he says smiling shyly. "I'd like that Ivan, I think Vlad said your name was Ivan" I say. "Da, I am Ivan to you pretty Claude" he says smiling.

He's gorgeous. Golden fur, Red Brown mane, beautiful Ice Blue eyes and a wide smile. He's 7' tall and 350 pounds. He's got big hands and big foot paws and a long tail. His body is well built and he's stocky too. And his pants are definitely stretched at the crotch to contain his huge Leonine package. He sees me notice it. "I do not want to just fuck you, Katya, though I do wish to very badly, I want to date you and see if you might want me to be your mate one day" Ivan says softly. He reaches over and softly strokes my hair and beard and I purr for him. His touch is so gentle and it's lighting me up. He looks right into my eyes. And there is an honesty in those Ice Blue eyes that tells me he loves me already.

Vlad walks in and he tells me Jonas White will be here in an hour to do therapy with me. I hug Vlad and I cry. Nigel had told him what happened. Vlad nods at Ivan and he kisses me and leaves. "Katya, it all has been hard on you, you kept going and now your Dad is hoping to be the Father he always should have been, you feel it all strongly, too strongly to let him." Vlad says. "You're doing the right thing now, you should have done this a while ago" Vlad says softly. "Misha, thank you, you've been so good to me since we met, friend, mentor, occasional lover and mate of my best friend" I say quietly. Vladimir hugs me tightly. "You've had it hard but you've kept going" Vlad says. "Claude, you need to start letting go of some of this, or you will not heal and be able to forgive your father" Vlad says softly. I feel so safe now wrapped up in his big strong Ursine arms. "I do love you, Claude, you have been good to my Nigel and I and you know Nigel loves you as well" Vlad says stroking my soft fur.

"Do you like Ivan?" Vlad asks still holding me. "He's beautiful and seems very charming, Misha" I say. "He's already fallen for you, Katya, he wishes to bond you if you heal from this and want him" Vlad says. "He is an orphan and had no reason to stay in Moscow when he graduated as a Doctor." Vlad says. "He is only a year older than you, he got through school as quickly as you did" Vlad tells me. "He wants me and he doesn't know me?" I ask. "He knows you through me and Nigel and he has spoken to Rory "he says. "He will wait until you feel you wish to date him" Vlad says."Could we put him up here anyway, he really does not like the ones he's living with now?" Vlad asks. "Yeah, I guess it won't hurt me to be around him until I get over this" I say.

Vlad smiles. He knows me. He knows I'll recover quickly and with Ivan here I'll end up sleeping with him and he thinks we'll bond when we do. My Grizzly mentor is a genius Bear. "Why do you seem to want us together, Misha?" I ask. "He is a second cousin, he's here at my request, I helped him get hired by the University and he's wanting to teach and he's like you, he's really lonely since he's been here" Vlad says earnestly. "Claude, he's calm natured and very secure in himself and he'll love you with a strong and steady love as long as he lives" Vlad says nuzzling me. "I think you deserve that and you are the only one I think is worthy of him" Vlad says softly. And he hugs me and walks out. I feel a bit better. I realize Vlad and Nigel do love me, and it makes me feels less sad.

I hear him ebulliently welcoming someone with a soft English accent. Vlad comes into my room with a big St Bernard. He sits and introduces himself as Dr Jonas White. He tells me how much Vlad has already told him about me and my life and he starts in right away with the deep questions. He's not surprised I can't forgive Dad yet. He thinks I have never gotten over losing Mom and though he agrees Dad didn't try, I couldn't have let him in very much as it is. He even seems to understand why I love Jamie so much. Jamie's loved me back the way Mom did, completely and whole heartedly. And he has the life I never had. I may hate his mother but she loved him, and so did Dad. Dad loved him the way I wish he'd loved me. I break down crying hysterically and I'm terrified I'm losing my shit completely. Dr White gives me a shot and sedates me and I hear him tell Vlad to watch me. "He should be better in a while, but he's really emotionally fragile now" Dr White says. And the house is quiet now.

I wake in a while. Vlad's talking to Rory. He's explaining what happened and apparently Dr White talked to him before he left. Rory comes in and sits on my bed and when I stir he hugs me tightly. "I'm sorry, Claude, I guess I really never saw how bad you were hurting, you kept it hidden from us all" he says softly. I cry on his big chest. "Will you forgive Dad eventually?" He asks. "I will try, but Dr White said I had a long way to go still" I say through my tears. "What about that Russian Lion?" Rory asks. "I will try to bond him when I heal a little" I say softly.

"Claude, I don't want you mad at me, but Dad asked me to move home, and though Teddy disagrees with me, we're moving in with Dad and Jamie" he says. (Dad wants him to stay here but Rory's still annoyed at me for changing my name back. And Rory doesn't want to stay with me now as he thinks I'm trying to hurt Dad intentionally) "I've expected you to, since yesterday" I say trying not to get angrier. "Claude, you're furious now" Rory says. "Like everyone else who's supposed to love me, you're abandoning me, I guess you never loved me at all" I holler pushing him away from me. "Claude, please don't be this way" Rory says. "You've said that before and so has Dad, no one cares how I feel" I snort. "Get the Hell out and see if I care" I say breaking into tears. "Claude, I do love you, and I am still your brother" Rory says quietly. "Just get the Hell out of my house" I snarl. My claws are out and I'm brandishing them at my brother. Rory stands up. "Claude, don't be like that, you hurt and you are not thinking straight" Rory says. "Fine, you won't leave I will" I snarl and I run into the bathroom and dress quickly and run out. I pick up my keys and cell and go to my car and just tear off out of the parking garage.

I drive though I have nowhere to go. I'm trying to drive my pains away and I drive through the night stopping for gas on occasions and feeling dead inside and even more lost by the mile. My cell is on but is silent. Apparently, no one cares that I'm gone.

I stop at the coast at San Jose and sit on the beach and watch the ocean. Fighting the urge to just run into the surf and end it all. I'm really scared now. I get in the car and I drive for home as fast as I can. I stop for gas and I call Jonas. He's calm but very concerned and he tells me to come to his office and not go home. I manage to make my way back to Sacramento and using the GPS navigation system in my Mercedes I find his office. He's waiting for me and after we talk a bit. I break down worse and he puts me to sleep again. When I wake up I'm laying in a bed and there's a big Bull orderly sitting in a chair next to me. He's silently watching me. I know this place from my rotations. I'm in the University Hospital's Psych ward. He's a hot big Bull for sure, but I can't deal with this.

I try to get up but I'm too dizzy. "You've been out for a while" the Bull says softly. "How long have I been here?" I ask."Here 12 hours, but you were at Dr White's office for a few hours before that" he says. "I should call my condo, they may be worried" I say sadly. "They know where you are Dr Jacobs, you can't see them yet" he says. "Has anyone called to check on me?" I ask. "Just Dr Davenport" he answers. I lay down again, dizzy as Hell. I go back to sleep again. Only Nigel cared, Vlad probably had him call me. I know at least they care. And yet, I think of that big Russian Lion, my Ivan and I sleep almost happily.

When I wake up there's a Rhino orderly with me. I look at him quizzically. "You're on suicide watch, Dr Jacobs" he says. I look and on the dresser there's a bouquet of roses there. "Who sent them?" I ask. He smiles and he walks over and reads the card to me. "I'm so sorry I could not help you or ease your pains, Katya, I will be here for you if you wish it" and signed Dr Ivan Kalashnikov. I feel happy almost. He's serious, he wants me and he's not ashamed of my breaking down, he's only sorry he couldn't be there for me to help me. He must really love me after all.

Dr White and I have a session as soon as I'm fully awake. He'll see me three times a day and I cry so much each time. He won't let me see even Vlad and Nigel, let alone Ivan. After ten days, I am crying less during sessions and we make real progress. I've been more damaged than I let myself see. And Dad's got real issues with me, some of them sexual ones too. I felt his distance too much. I needed him when I lost my Mom and he couldn't reach out for me because of his own feelings of loss and his feelings for me. Dr White makes me see that I was wrong. I thought he didn't love me as he loved Jamie and Rory, but the reality is he loved me too much. In ways he couldn't cope with. He saw me as a hot young Feline who spurred his lusts, and added to the fact like I look enough like my Mom to make him think of her really made him burn for me. Plus he felt a lot of shame for being hot for his own son.

Dr White helps me to see why I've reacted the way I have. Dad's reticence to get close, and how Rory's wanting to live with Dad and our little brother has nothing to do with me at all. The feeling that I'm unlovable and bad luck to anyone who loves me is wrong and very counterproductive. I felt so alone and only Jamie seemed to care for me and I bonded to him tightly. And if I'd of let him in Rory would have bonded to me like he did Jamie. And Jonas has started me on meds that are beginning to work. I am a Bipolar II and the meds level out my moods a bit. Still though, losing Mom and being kept at bay by Dad really did scar me badly.

Dr White has let Vlad and Nigel see me for an hour or so. Vlad's been taking care of the few patients I had already scheduled. He's encouraging me to look to the future and he's brought me a note from Ivan. He loves me and he worries for me. Nigel's concerned for me too. He's not surprised I broke down. But he knew I wouldn't listen to him when he tried to get me to see Dr White before now. Nige is just glad I finally listened.

I've been here over two weeks and Jonas won't tell me how much longer he thinks it will take. But on the next weekend he tells me Jamie wants to come see me. I'm a bit embarrassed but I want to see my little brother, and I agree to see him on Sunday.

Jamie's happy to see me and he tells me how much he's missed me. We talk a lot and he's making me feel so much better. This little Lion cub loves me no matter what. We're laughing and talking and Rory walks in. I'm just happy to see him. We hug tightly "Claude, we stayed at the condo, I couldn't leave you after you broke down, we had no idea how badly we all hurt you " Rory says crying. "Rory, I'm sorry for what I said to you, things were different for you, but you tried very hard to comfort me even if you didn't know how at least you tried" I say. "I could never understand why Dad didn't try harder, I know some of it was Martha but still" Rory says. "I really felt that only Jamie and Edward ever really cared about me" I say quietly. "I'm sorry I never saw how bad you were hurting, Claude, you lost your Mom and Dad was distant and you had to see how much he loved me and Jamie but not you" Rory says softly. "It really hurt me,I couldn't say he was not capable of loving us when he loved you so and Jamie too, I had to wonder what was so wrong with me that my Dad hated me, and then if I tried he'd rebuff me" I say tearing up.

"I've been trying hard to forgive myself for that" Dad says hugging us both. I hug him back. "Claude, I failed you so totally, and that's been hard to live with" Dad says softly. I hug Jamie and Rory takes him out of the room. Dr White comes in and sits. "Claude, your Dad begged to come see you, and for you two to try to work something out with me helping" he says. "You did?" I ask Dad. "I can't go on like this, I have Rory and Jamie, but I have another son, one I need as much as his brothers, and it can't be too late for us" Dad says weeping. I have to make this right for me as much as for Dad. And I want to heal so I can see if Ivan is as wonderful as he seems. He's sent flowers almost daily. He tried to court me even in here. That big Lion is serious about wanting me as his.

"Dad, we have to talk for real finally, there's things I really need to know" I say firmly. He nods. "Do you actually love me?" I ask. "I do, Claude, I told you I'd see you sometimes and get so hurt about Megan, I did love her, but I'm sorry I never gave you the love you deserved" Dad says. I hug him. "I am sorry I didn't see your pains either, Dad" I say. "Dr White's told me of what you went through but you wouldn't let us see it" Dad says. "I didn't think you'd care about how badly I hurt" I say. "I deserved that" Dad says softly. "Dad, it wasn't all your fault, Mom should have broken it to you better, just here he is and he needs to go to College" I say. "I never understood why she hid me from you" I say quietly. "Claude, I would have married her, despite my own Dad's objections, we would have made do somehow, I didn't just let you down I let her down" Dad says crying again. "Enough Dad, we go on now, I won't move home, but I will spend as much time making this up to you and Jamie " I say. "Really, you'll forgive me?" Dad asks. "Rory was right though I didn't want to admit it, I pulled in because of how badly I hurt, and wouldn't open up, if I tried she wouldn't let me close or you'd pull away, and I gave up trying and you didn't" I say. Dad hugs me and cries. "Please come home, Boy, I know Vlad and Nigel will come with you, and Alfred will help Edward now" Dad says. "I asked them" Dad says. "Why is it so important for me to come home, Dad?" I ask. He's silent for long moments. "I want to make it all up to you, Claude, she's gone and I want my beloved sons with me now, and I do love you, Baby Kitten" he says quietly. "And I don't want to use this to get you home, but Jamie misses you and he really needs you" Dad says gently. "Claude, you and Rory love him and I love him, but he's been scarred too, by how little his mother loved him, and you are the only one he'll talk to about that" Dad says sadly. "And you know how a parent not loving their child can scar him" Dad says looking down at the floor. "Dad, he'll be fine as he has a Father that loves him so much, he's just sad, this was hard on him and he wouldn't talk to me about how badly you and Martha were fighting, Jonas can recommend someone if he needs it" I say quietly.

"Dad, there's something else?" I ask. "I know about Dr Kalashnikov, Claude, Vlad told me, get out of here and bond him and bring him home with your family" Dad says."I've met him, he loves you so, and he'll be good to you" Dad says. "Dr White will let you out tomorrow, go bond him and come home, you can sell the condo" Dad says. I want to say no. But for the look in Dad's eyes. He needs me at home now. He's serious about needing me back, and he wants to make it up to me. I'll clear it with Jonas but I think I will do it.(Who am I kidding I need him as much as he needs me)

"Dad, do you want me at home, really and truly?"I ask."I need my Boy with me, I have to make things up with you, you're my son too" he says. He looks almost desperate for me to come home. "I'll sell the condo, tell Nigel and Vlad to pack and if Ivan's living there too, he can pack too and we'll move when I get out"I say. Dad hugs me tightly. "I'm so sorry I wasn't a better father" Dad says. "You were a great Dad to Rory and Jamie" I say softly. "I want to be a great Dad to you, and I hope it's not too late for that" Dad says softly. "Dad, I'm sorry I wasn't a better son too, I didn't try as hard as I could to get to know you" I say softly. "You were so hurt, and we got off on the wrong foot, if Martha hadn't come to me at that moment when you first broke down, it could have waited, she'd known for a week by then" Dad says. I'm somehow not surprised. "She hated that you ignored her and yet you were so polite, and it angered her how close you were with Jamie but you hated her" Dad says. "She was even jealous of Jamie" Dad says. "She's gone now, it cost me a lot of money to divorce her, but it's been worth it, I've got my sons back" Dad says hugging me so tighly I'm afraid I'll break.

Rory and Jamie come back in. "Baby Lion, your brothers are coming home" Dad says joyously."You agreed?" Rory asks. "I did, I realized you were right, Rory, I hadn't done all I could either, and he's wanting to make things right, and I have to try as well" I say. Jamie hugs me too. "I love you, little brother, I missed you" I say softly. Jamie hugs my neck tighter. He's really happy now. "Don't you miss your mother?" I ask. "Rather have you and Rory and Dad at home, she's my Mom but she wasn't close to me" he says. "You and Rory spent more time with me than she did" Jamie says.

We all sit and talk a while and then Jonas tells them they have to leave. Kissing me one by one they do leave. I feel calmer than I have in a long time. "So how do you feel about going home to live with your Dad and your Brothers?" Jonas asks. "I was going to ask you if it was the right thing to do, it feels like it is" I say. "Because it is the right thing, Jim needs you, he wants to make up for his poor treatment of you" Jonas says. I look at him. "I've been talking to him since a bit before Vlad called me, he's needed help with his guilt and pain" Jonas says. "Is it the right thing for me?" I ask."It is, you need him, you wouldn't have hurt so if you didn't need him, you buried it, but it hurt to need him and have him be so distant" Jonas says. "We've talked about how you hide your own needs from other" he says. "If you've got a prayer of making a relationship work, you've got to open up" Jonas says softly. "You mean with Dad?"I ask. "Him too, but I meant Ivan" Jonas says. "Don't tell me he's talked to you as well?" I ask. "He has, he's wanting to help you cope, and he cares already, he was sad that he couldn't get you to open up to him and maybe not break down" Dr White says.

"Claude, that Lion is determined to be all to you that you could need, he's so much in love with you already" Jonas says. "How can he be, we hardly know each other, he spent 5 or so minutes talking to me before you came?" I ask. "He's been around you a lot more than you think" he says. I must look puzzled as he tells me how long Ivan has been wanting me. And how he's kept track of me. Vlad took him to see me at the Den one night. He wanted to meet me then, but I was in a bad mood. Apparently, I had a lot of them and didn't realize it. I'm struck by how much he has to want me. I'm feeling something for him already. I've never felt this wanted before by anybody.

Jonas looks almost solemn now. "Claude, there is something you'll need to deal with if you do live with Jim" he says. "He's been sexually confused for a long time." he says. "You being so much like your Mom broke his latent homosexuality loose, and he couldn't deal with it" he says. "I've been doing therapy with him too, and he's got issues with wanting you so badly and reconciling it with you being his son, it is what really kept him from bonding to you" Jonas says. "Dad's really hot for me?" I ask. "He thinks it's that you're so much like your Mom, but he's not letting himself see what it really is" Jonas says."He's gay and you are exactly what turns him on a lot, a young attractive Feline male bottom" Jonas says. "You've got sexual feelings for him too, it's why you reacted to his ignoring you so much" he says. "He's stuck and can't seem to progress at all" Jonas says.

I'm curious now. "Should I sleep with him and get him past it if I can?" I ask. Jonas laughs. "I can't tell you to, but in a way I think it would be the best treatment and you two would finally bond to each other as you should have" he says. "But you should be careful not to let him get too attached now" he says. (I know in the back of my mind what to do. I'll sleep with Dad a few times, and then I'll fix him up. Harry Belford's son, Harry Jr has the hots for Dad, he's envious of him being my Dad. And I know Harry Jr is a couple of years older than me and a bottom Bengal Tiger. If Dad really likes hot bottom Felines, he'll love Harry Jr.) (He does, when I set them up to fuck, they'll bond.)

"I'll let you go after breakfast tomorrow, you should take another week or so off, to get moved and settled before you go back to work" he says. I hug him. I feel like a different Leopard that the one who found himself here a couple of weeks ago. My soul feels lighter.

Dad wants me, he did all along, he just had too much pain of his own and he obviously was torn between his sons and his wife. But when it came down to it, he chose his sons, all three of us. Rory loves me, he's been as supportive as he could. Jamie loves me a lot too. Vlad has to care to do all he's done for me and Nigel loves me too. And Ivan, well he's determined to be my husband. And he wasn't put off by me having a breakdown almost right before his eyes. And as I'm settling down to go to sleep, the phone in my room rings for the first time in the seventeen days I've been here.

I answer it cautiously. "Katya?" I hear a voice say. I know that deep Russian accented voice. "Ivan?" I ask. "Da, tis me, Dr White said I might call you finally" he says joyously."I have missed you and I pray you are well" he says. I fight tears and I'm puzzled by it. "I'm getting out tomorrow" I say quietly. "Nigel and Vlad told me, might I come too when they pick you up?"he asks. "I'd like that a lot, Ivan" I say quietly. "I have missed trying to get to know you, Katya, but you needed to recover" Ivan says. "Ivan, I kind of wish you were here now" I say quietly. He's really happy now. I know now I'm healed enough that I want him as mine. I want him and his strong love. "You have thought about me while you were gone?" he asks. "A lot and so many of those who care for me think I should take you" I say quietly. "You would think of becoming my Snow Leopard?" he asks. "I would, we need to get to know each other, but if you aren't put off by my little nervous breakdown and you still want me, I think I should grab you and make you my Lion before you have a chance to change your mind" I say quietly. "Can you handle my Lion dick, I am hung large for Feline, with many barbs?" he asks hopefully. "I can, I think, I've had a lot of big dicks, and rather frequently, and I love being barbed" I say softly. He murrs. "I would love you so much if you would become mine" he says proudly. "You will never feel unloved again, Katya" he says happily. "I will try to make sure you always know how much your Lion loves you" Ivan says earnestly.

"Did Vlad mention we're going to move back home with my family?" I ask. "I would go anywhere to be with you, Claude" he says passionately. "Please come with them to get me, we'll try to bond as soon as we're alone" I say. He purrs happily. "I will be so good to you, my Katya" he says joyfully. There's a beeping in the line. "It means I must go now, the phone will hang up in a minute, Katya" he says. "Sleep well my love, if I am lucky tomorrow night we will be sleeping together" he says and the phone goes dead.

I take some time to think. I want to be sure I don't take Ivan just because I want to be loved. And he does love me a lot, he's convinced a lot of those close to me he loves me a great deal. It's going to be a busy week. Getting out, getting back home and moving to Dad's house and putting the condo up for sale. And getting used to being Ivan's mate. I wonder if he really is as big as he says. My biggest so far was a Clydesdale who I met in a bathroom on campus and who took me to his dorm room. He wasn't my first Horse Cock but he was my biggest and I was only 15. We fucked most of the weekend away. And he was huge, but tender and gentle. I liked him a lot, but on Monday morning before I left his bed, I let it slip that I was only 15 and he freaked out big time. It was a shame, cause he was an amazing lover and he wouldn't have anything to do with me afterwards.

Still, it's a nice memory to have as I drift off to sleep. But my dreams are filled with my Lion and thoughts of him making love to me finally. I wake happy for the first time in so long. After I eat breakfast I go see Jonas. We do a short session. Mostly hints on keeping cool, and how to take my meds. I ask him about how to handle Ivan, I know he's going to try to bond me and I think I'm going to take him. "You seem very happy, Claude?" Jonas asks. "I am, I'm going to have a home to go to, and I see I have love, and I think that big Lion is going to bond me" I say grinning. "Claude, you'll have to watch yourself for feelings that you are unlovable and you need to tell Ivan he'll have to be patient at times" Jonas says. "But it would be the best thing for you, to be loved and accepted as the Feline you are" he says smiling. "We'll see you once a week for a while and as you heal we can cut back" Jonas says hugging me. "And remember what we talked about concerning your Dad, Claude" he says softly.

I go to the desk and sign some forms to be formally released. Nigel and Vlad are here already. I wonder where Ivan is but I'm not going to ask. I shouldn't have worried as we go out of the unit he's in the waiting room with a bouquet of flowers. He's so beautiful and his Ice Blue eyes are shining with his love for me. I run to him and hug him tightly. "Katya, you look good" Ivan says passionately. His tail is twitching and his big handsome face has a joyous grin on it. His jeans are bulging out at the crotch. I resist the urge to run my paw across it. He hands me the flowers. I blush. Vlad's looking so happy and proud.

Nigel's grinning too. "Claude, are you as happy as you look?" he asks. I sit on a chair and I bring him up to date. Vlad and Ivan are sitting together chatting intently..Ivan hasn't taken his eyes off of me for a second. "He's gonna go after you as soon as we're out of here, Claude" Nigel says softly. "Why wait?" I ask. I stand up and I walk over to Ivan. He smiles at me. I lean down and sit in his lap. He's got a huge grin now, I think he knows I'm going for it. I throw my arms around his thick muscular neck and I lean in and kiss him before he can react. He's surprised but he quickly kisses me back passionately. I faint into his huge Golden furred arms. "You would not wait to take me, you meant what you said last night" he says joyously.

I wake up in his arms as he carries me to Vlad's car. I bought him a Mercedes like mine. He puts me in the back seat and gets in next to me. Vlad's watching us in the rear view mirror and he's grinning so. Nigel's laughing and he's trying not to watch us. Ivan's making out with me in the back seat. I have a feeling if he wasn't so big he'd take me now right here in the car. He's not letting go of me and those big paws are roaming all over my body. He's got me moaning and panting with lust for him. His bulge is huge and this time I run my paws over it. He moans and it twitches and spews out a burst of pre onto his jeans.

We're really making out all the way home. He carries me upstairs. Alfred's grinning so I know he had to have already seen I'd take Ivan. He's got us all packed too. All of us. "Claude, you have about two hours before the movers come" he says. "We have to cum much before they do" Ivan says laughing.

He takes me to his room and drops me onto the bed and pulls off his clothes. He's truly beautiful. A really well muscled Lion and he wasn't kidding. His pointed tipped and barbed Feline dick is thick, 24" long, and twitching and profusely drooling precum onto the carpet. He kisses me and pushes me onto my back. "Katya, I must have you" He says hotly. I lift my legs for my Lion and he gently pushes his huge Lion dick up me to his big low hanging balls. "I love you, Ivan, I think I fell for you when we finally met, but I broke down" I say softly. He's slowly making love to me. "I know, I would have waited for you as long as it took for you to heal and come to me" he says. He's stroking my body with his big paws. "You are so beautiful, and your fur is so soft and fluffy" he purrs. I bend my longer tail back and I stroke his butt with it. He laughs and looks down into my eyes. "I love you" he says gently. He wraps his thinner tail around mine and he strokes my thick fluffy tail with his. I purr for my Russian Lion as his huge balls pull up and flood me with his Lion swimmers..

"Ivan, would you barb fuck me?"I ask. "Are you sure, like all Felines I will lose myself in the sensations and I do not want to hurt you with my large Feline dick?" he asks. "I want to feel them, if I'm really lucky you'll leave me with your cub inside me" I pant. "My Claude, would bear for me?" he asks. "I would bear your Lion sons by the litter" I tell him gently. He kisses me softly. "I would love to if you can take my big dick and many barbs" he purrs. "I know you're big and I know you have 9 rows where I only have 5, but I want to feel them as you bond us for good" I beg him. He pulls his huge Feline dick back to his first ring of backwards facing barbs and he begins to slowly ratchet them in and out of my ass ring..He's being gentle with them, but I can see in his eyes he's fighting the urge to fuck me all out with them. It's an instinct when Feline tops barb a mate, he'll soon be driven to rake me as hard and fast with them as he can. It's a Feline breeding response. Stimulating a female Feline to drop an egg and be bred.

We're a very happy Feline couple and Dad and I get close, and Rory, Jamie and I are close brothers again. Life is good now.