NFTs (Non-Functional Testicles)

Story by kiwiBB on SoFurry

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I've been threatening to write about this extremely dumb parody idea for a hot second now, and NOW IT'S TIME

Disclaimer: I'm sure there are many technical inaccuracies ahead, but I did my best to give an accurate overview of this fictional, dragon-testicle-focused version of Web3. (WebBB?) Oh, and to be clear, NFTs fuckin' suck yo - gtfo with your digital scarcity grifter bullshit, okay bye!


"No offense, Tep, but this just seems like a whole lot of empty hype, you know?"

"Nononono. See, you just don't get it yet. The Bustchain is the FUTURE!"

It was a balmy Friday in red dragon country -- a perfect day to lounge about outside and get some sun on your scales. And indeed, that was what the whole student body at Half-Hard University seemed to be doing, judging from the fine array of bodies out for display in the central quad. In every direction, there were curvy cuties doing some nude sunbathing, or stiff dicks glistening with precum (and other juices) in the late afternoon light. Every now and then, the relative quiet was interrupted by a shaky moan or a startled squeak as some male soaked up a fresh dose of ball ache, whether with his drooling cock squeezed between a partner's breasts or with his heavy 'nads cheerfully flattened across somebody's kneecap. Achy balls and casual sex were the way of the world for red dragons, and exposure to other cultures had never changed that, even as the rest of red dragon civilization had accelerated into the modern era.

Tepora had always found herself naturally drawn to that modern tech, especially in the last year or two. The thick-thighed female sat with one leg crossed over the other, naked except for a light messenger bag whose leather strap crossed between her modest tits. At the moment, Tep was tapping excitedly at her smartphone, leaning over to display the screen to her more skeptical friend.

"Here's the thing." Tepora flicked a finger upwards, scrolling through a long and detailed list of records. "The Bustchain is, like...it's a distributed record of ALL the ballbusts that ANYONE has ever punched into the Bustchain. Kicks, knees, squeezes, pops, it's ALL there. And anyone can download a full copy! In fact, it's kinda important that everyone DOES download a full copy - that's part of how you make sure that no one else can tamper with your records!"

"I...see." Lili was half-a-head taller than her companion, and just a tad slimmer in the hips. The dragoness peered down at her friend's phone dubiously, idly fiddling with her own satchel bag. "Doesn't that take up a lot of space on your phone?"

"I mean, it WOULD, but I use the Cumbase app to take care of that for me. It's kinda like a bank."

"...Doesn't that mean that Cumbase could tamper with your records if they really wanted to?"

"You're missing the pointttt!!" Tepora whined. "Look, Lili: there's so much you can DO on top of the Bustchain. Like for starters, you can mint NFTs!"

"N-F-whats...?"

"NFTs! Non-Functional Testicles." Tepora blushed slightly, clearly a bit tickled by saying the phrase aloud. Her bare foot bounced idly up and down, as though she were imagining a pair of dragon balls dangling in front of her right now. "See, I think that's one of the most clever things about the Bustchain -- you can create records for stuff that doesn't even exist in real-life. So like, say you and A'Zen finally decide to get married, and you pop his ball at the wedding ceremony -- already hot as fuck, but now his ball is gone for good, right? Well with the Bustchain, you can ALSO mint a Non-Functional Testicle to commemorate the occasion! It's like a permanent public record that YOU'RE the one who owns his missing ball!"

"Tep, that's..." Lili bit her lip. "Okay, I can SORTA appreciate SOME of the symbolism of that. But like...I know I popped his ball. _He_knows I popped his ball. All our friends know -- the wedding pics are probably all over Instaslam and Splatter. Why do I also need a 'Nifty' or whatever?" The dragoness wrinkled her brow, growing more suspicious. "...And hey, couldn't someone just submit a fake record, and claim that THEY took my husband's nut? That seems really poorly thought-through."

Tepora nodded sagely."Well that's where proof-of-ache comes in."

"Ugh, WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BUZZWORDS."

"Proof-of-ache," Tepora continued, "means it's not just one dragoness's word -- a whole BUNCH of dragonesses have to affirm that you own your partner's nut! So you gotta get a whole group of gal pals together and then, like, they can take some pics and videos to help document that the NFT is genuine. The other gals can even, um, join in and help you with the ballbusting and stuff! Th-that's not a requirement or anything, but it's pretty common--"

"Tep." Lili looked down at her friend knowingly, placing a hand on her thigh. "I know you're single right now...are you sure you're not just using the Bustchain as an excuse to be a third-wheel in other people's relationships?"

The blush in Tepora's cheeks grew a bit brighter. "NO Lili," she scoffed, "I'm trying to SPREAD THE WORD about a REVOLUTIONARY NEW TECHNOLOGY that will CHANGE THE WAY WE FLATTEN TESTICLES FOREVER. And like, we haven't even started talking about Edgerium yet--"

"What's that?"

"Oh it's kinda similar, but for edging! You can make these things called 'smart contracts' - like, 'no cumming until I've kicked you in the balls a thousand times' or whatever."

"Hon, that just sounds like a normal week for me and A'Zen."

"W-well now you can put it on the internet!!"

"I thought that's what all the other social media apps were for. Like, I see edging challenges on KikKok all the time, and those guys usually haven't emptied their balls for months."

"Y-yeah, b-but Edgerium is differe--"

"Hey girls!"

As Tepora stuttered in search of a reply, up strolled Lili's boyfriend, interrupting the conversation. A'Zen was tall and slender, with long ears and a touch of muscle definition in his torso. As usual, his cock stood at full-mast, hard and hot, almost glowing with repressed horny energy -- and his balls hung heavy just below, two fist-sized spheres with a visible blue tinge. It was clear that the male had spent more than a few afternoons with his nuts bulging out from between Lili's clenched claws, and more than a few long nights throbbing against her round ass.

"Hey babe!" Lili lit up immediately. "Tepora here was just telling me about some new ways to own your nuts."

"Ah!" A mix of fear and curiosity passed over A'Zen's face, and his dick gave a twitch of anticipation. "I...i-interesting!"

"Of course, it all seems a little silly since I own 'em already." The dragoness reached out and wrapped her claws around her lover's length, giving him a few teasing strokes. "Isn't that right?"

"V-very much so," the male moaned, his voice wavering. A short splurt of precum leapt from the tip of his cock, splattering across Lili's left tit and dripping down onto Tepora's bare thigh. "Hhh..."

Lili glanced over at her friend. "What do you say -- you wanna come back to our place for dinner? Maybe a double-blowjob for dessert? A'Zen ain't cumming 'til the end of the month, but I'm sure he'd appreciate it anyway."

Tepora looked quite flustered. "I...y-yeah, of course--"

"Great!" Lili leaned forward to plant a wet kiss on the head of her partner's raging erection, then stood up from the bench, stretching for a moment. "And no more Bustchain chatter tonight -- just good ol' fashioned BB, alright?"

"But--"

"No buts! Unless it's that fat ass of yours -- bring that for sure." The female winked. "Now come on, A'Zen's balls aren't going to flatten themselves!"

And with that, the dragon male and his two sexy companions headed off to make his nuts ache the old-fashioned way.