Finding a New Self, Chapter 4: On the Road
#4 of Finding A New Self
Renna spends some time as an older man; we meet Aresh.
The body Renna was to take to Allegos was a 1:2 anthro white goat, with a voluntary hoof/hand transformation, 52 years old, and male.
Renna balked at the age and gender for maybe half a minute before deciding it would be exciting. The transfer took longer this time -- the goat hadn't been kept standing ready. We left with some possessions that had been assigned to the body by its previous possessor -- some changes of clothing and a book entitled 'Practical Optics'.
It was another afternoon departure, and this time I thought to ask, "Can you hike easily?"
Renna changed her hands to hooves and scampered across the road. "I don't know. I really don't. I think I can try. For a long distance, I think this will be easier than upright."
Her voice was really different, finally. I could barely recognize her in there. And the eyes. Oh, the eyes were awful, those long flat bars.
She saw me shuddering. "Oh buck up, Famir. It's just for a week."
And so we set out. After a few miles, I asked, "So. What do you think about what happened this afternoon?"
She paused. "I'm still quivering."
"Don't regret it?"
"Not yet."
"Good."
"I mean, we didn't do anything with him, right?"
"Right", I said.
As it turned out, the goat body was able to hike.
Oddly enough, no one had taken her knife. I found it on the side of the road where I had thoughtlessly left it that morning.
That night was again under the stars. Out of nowhere -- I had been about to fall asleep -- Renna laughed, sort of a goat's 'mreh', and said, "Funny. This time you're almost repulsed by me. But I can look at that and say, 'That's all right.' What a difference."
"Have you felt any weird moods?"
"No, back to myself. Except... that 3:1 ferret girl -- at least I think it was ferret, hard to tell at that dilution -- late teens or early twenties, who was walking ahead of us until she camped a mile back or so?"
"Yeah?"
"Hot hot hot. Not quite 'Do you know...' territory, but a fine fine girl. Mainly the ass and tail she was swinging in my face."
"Ha! So you're adapting to being a man nicely?"
"I guess so. It was a little... surprising when I had that reaction to her, but in the context of the rest of today, it's not up to the level of genuinely weird."
And we slept. The next morning, as we were cooking, the ferret girl passed us again. I said to Renna, "Want to catch up?"
Renna laughed in that weird way again. "What are you getting at, Famir? Yesterday wasn't enough?"
"That wasn't a suggestion, it was a guess. You were indiscreet in your checking her out."
She laughed again. "Oh my, I must get myself under control. And especially as with these eyes I don't need to move my head to see all about."
When we had eaten, Renna set the pace fairly hard. We passed the ferret-girl without slowing down.
It was midday when Renna sat down and wouldn't get up. "Too much. Too much. Lunch break? Need to fix my pacing."
We sat by a stream and had lunch. I dozed, and Renna took a look through the book. The ferret-girl came by, then stepped off the road and approached us.
"Excuse me." she shyly asked, fanning herself with a map. "I'm not sure where I am anymore."
I said, "Road from Rin to Allegos. We've been going east."
She checked the map. "Does this road also go to Bielford?"
I gestured her to join us. I found where we were on her map without much difficulty. "We're here. Bielford's... there."
"I guess I should turn around and go back..."
"Shorter to keep going and just turn south about a day ahead, there."
"Is that even a road?" She brought the map up to her nose.
"Yes it is."
Renna looked at the map, and at our visitor. That road had been pretty clearly marked. "Your eyesight could use some help, couldn't it?"
"Er, yes. That's why I'm travelling, actually. I lost my job as an embroiderer. All I have left is to go back home."
Renna said, "The gods have smiled upon you, because this very book that I just came to possess may hold the answer to your problem. The first half of this book is about how to correct your vision with magic."
She shook her head. "I remember getting a book about that. It was too complicated. Sines and proportions, way too much calculating."
Renna held it out. "No sines, no proportions. Purely what to do and how to do it, by eye, none of the why it works stuff. You know the basic 10, right? That's all you need for this one. Well, that and the ability to pick up some others that aren't any harder."
That cheered her up. And so they set about following the instructions in the book. An hour later, things abruptly came into focus. She looked around, shrieked with joy, and started prancing. She kissed Renna on both cheeks.
Renna smiled back at her, and said, "Keep it - seems like fate was directing it your way. You can do the other eye at your leisure."
"Thank you thank you! I'm going to go get my job back!"
She bowed maybe ten times as she backed up to the road, then set off the way she had come.
Renna sighed. "Well, shall we get going?"
"Yeah. Two kisses, not bad!"
That laugh again.
"Disappointed that her gratitude was not beyond the bounds of decency? 'Oh I'd do anything to thank you... even that!'"
That got a real laugh. "Oh Famir, stop it. She's cute, that's all."
We ambled along until dusk. Just as we were setting up camp, the ferret ran past, exhausted.
Renna jumped out onto the road. "What's wrong? Did it come undone?"
She panted a little. "I found you... all okay."
I said, "Well, if it's all okay, why don't you sit down and catch your breath, and tell us."
She did so, waving off our expressions of concern. Finally, she could breathe easily, and explained. "I found a letter tucked into the back of the book. You... just got into this body, didn't you? Visited the refitters?"
Renna nodded.
"You need this book. Your eyesight is abominable without it. And you'll need the notes in the back to figure out how to fix it when it drifts. It's not so simple. Ass... astigma-tism. But as for me, I'm simple. I can do it without help now. Both eyes up to perfect, and I did the right one by memory. So I don't need it."
Renna blinked several times. "Well. Wow. Thank you for coming all this way out of the way, just for this!"
The ferret shook her head. "The least I could do. You gave me my life back."
Renna protested, "That's putting it a little strongly. Say, what's your name?"
We introduced ourselves - she was Aresh. We chatted amicably for some time, not quite revealing that Renna was normally female (it is not obvious from saying her name that it isn't 'Renno', which would be a male variation), then went to sleep near each other but nonetheless very distinctly.
In the morning, Aresh said her goodbyes and set out, again before we did.
Renna said, "Nice girl. I hope she does well for herself."
"I'm sure she will. Strong sense of gratitude."
"Embroidery, though... that's a dead-end job."
I waffled. "Maybe. Maybe she'll jump to another line of work, like, oh, motherhood? Not all women are like you. Or maybe she'll learn more about eyesight now that she has the basics down."
"Still a nice ass."
"You and her ass. What would you like to have had happen last night?"
"Really?"
"No, not really. Be outrageous." Another of our strategies in sticking together was to tell stories. By taking ownership of our fantasies, they didn't have such a hold over us.
"Well. I don't know."
"Okay, let me make something up." We got going.
A few minutes passed, and Renna said, "What have you come up with?"
"Okay. You flatter her doing her right eye from memory, and work in how good-looking she is. She's charmed, a little. Rather than call it a night and go to sleep, we keep talking. She gets cold out in the open, and huddles in for warmth. And then... okay, I can't do this."
"Why not?"
"Because she's real, and as far as I can tell is a profoundly decent person, and that's all she is to me right now, and I'd rather not spoil it."
"Yeah. Too bad. I'm definitely sympathizing with the male quest for tail now."
At lunchtime, we stopped by the stream again where the flood plain was narrow. She sat on a log in a wide stance. I coiled up in front of her. It seemed the obvious place to be at first, but being near her private areas just didn't quite hold the same comfort now that she was male.
"Famir?"
"Mmm?" I said, my mouth full.
"Want to go swimming?"
We often did when travelling - as snakes. There was never trouble with modesty, whatever the local decency laws were. Now she was enough like a regular goat with her hooves that she could pass. At least, to anyone as far off as the road. So she stripped and went wading. I went as a snake at first, but the few who passed by didn't seem to notice or care, so I changed to human form.
It was really different swimming like that. The stream was deep and clear on the far side, but shallow and mud-bottomed on the near side. As a snake, I easily got across the muddy side; but returning as a human, I sunk in so deeply it was scary. It felt like I was being swallowed. And with something stuck between my legs like that, I couldn't transform; that compounded the fright. When I finally got free, I was standing upright on a rock, the water only up to my knees.
And I looked up and there was Aresh. I went naga-form as quick as I could, splashing back down into the water.
"Oooh! What was that?"
Renna laughed that goaty laugh. "That, my dear, was a man."
"Ha ha. I mean, the transformation. I mean, obviously you're not just human -- no one is anymore -- but what was that? A snake?"
I nodded, embarrassed.
Renna continued, "I didn't expect to see you again. What happened?"
Aresh squatted by the muddy bank, revealing her bloomers. "Well, I realized that they'd have had twelve whole days to fill the job I had. No way it's still open. And I'm not going back to my family if I have another option. So I thought I'd strike out in the other direction." After a moment she clarified, "Your direction." After another few seconds, she further explained, "I spied your gear and went to it. Realized you were swimming so I stayed there. When I heard the thrashing, I came to help."
I said, "You saw our gear from the road. Clearly enough to identify us."
"Yes. Very very good vision now. Anyway, I figured you fellows might want some of the more feminine kinds of help. Washing, cooking..."
Renna frowned. "Wish 12."
"Well, of course I know about the easiest wish ever. You are capable of these things too. I'm just saying, I'm willing to help out. And... well, I saw some wolves." I was about to point out that animal behavior had very limited impact on anthropomorph behavior when she clarified, "Real, actual, wolves. Large ones. I'm... concerned."
Renna sighed. "Okay, okay. We're a party of three for now."
The enthusiasm with which Aresh jumped up highlighted that animal physiology did have a rather more substantial impact on anthropomorph behavior.
"There went our private time." I snapped out on my fingers. Fortunately, the rhythm was sufficiently complicated that Aresh wasn't tempted to join in; if I had been doing a beat, she probably would have begun singing.
Renna began to head around to a rockier part of the stream bank. "I'm coming out."
Aresh averted her gaze by looking more in my direction. I just shifted snake and swam up over the mud. Once I was to my clothing, I slithered into it and changed back.
"Wow. You're pretty amazing." She had watched the process.
"It's not actually all that useful, past what you've just seen. You're pretty close to humaniform yourself."
"Well, thanks, I guess. I don't care much about humaniform. It's transformations that are nifty."
Renna came to our gear and pulled out her clothing, standing behind Aresh. I said, "Funny, we who have had the most nearly human forms don't seem to care that much about it."
"That's how it always is, isn't it? The other one is better, whatever it is. Renno, what do you think?"
Renna said, "Well, I'm far enough from human now that it's kind of liberating. I mean, I look like a goat. Take a look and tell me that you could tell me apart from a large goat, without foreknowledge."
Aresh hesitantly turned. Renna was standing there on all fours, naked, drenched. She had a point. There was none of the effect of seeing a naked, drenched human, or even a 1:1. She looked like a wet goat.
I walked over with a towel and began drying her off. "I can always tell you apart from a large goat."
To my surprise, Aresh joined in, taking the opposite side. After that, Renna didn't bother hiding. She dressed right in front of her, and we got going for the second part of the day.