A Fox Lost In the World
Please note before reading this: This is real life this isn't yiff just something I thought I would post on sofurry and share with everyone here. I hope you enjoy it ^_^!
Life in which I wish to change:
So where back to where we all start from, age of say in my case 21 years old. I am currently living with my mother who I'm shocked is still breathing, at age 53 turning 54 on the 25th of this month. My story begins with pre-birth really, saying this I was born six months premature, which isn't very natural for most humans, reason for this is not 100% clear however I do hope to find the reason towards why I am alive.
Birth Age 0 Years Old:
Due to my early unpredicted birth; within the first 6 months of my living life, I needed to have inserted a tracheotomy, which would allow me to breath however not at a normal rate. My airways are very small; Anyways after 3 and half years of which my life began the tracheotomy was removed. I was able to breathe with my own airways however cut in half. In result also because of the little oxygen I did receive at 100% power it affected my brain, which from it I gained a learning disability.
Human Age Of 3 Years Old:
At the same time as close as I am capable of remembering, I was 3 years of age; I was at a local retreat park like area. Very little I remember of what was around me. A basketball ring, park type setup & a small building. I was with some other kids which I assume was in a day-care center. One of the other older kids gave me a glass instead of a cup because I wanted to have a drink. I sat on a chair and I feel backwoods while holding the glass in my hand. The glass smashed and resulted to a nice face mark which now it's not noticeable.
Human Age Of 7 Years Old:
When I was 7 years old, many things began changing a life of education and fun where about to begin, well that is what I thought would happen due to the fact of my first day of school; Life just throws crap at you huh. You discover many new things about yourself and things you were not aware of. January of 1996; My father if you call him that; was one of an alcoholic abuser doing that period he asked my mum and myself if he wanted to stay or to go. My mum replied go and I said go, In which 1-2 hours later he left & I've not seen him again.
The only memory of him in which stands if me seeing him in the kitchen hitting my mother in the face & me seeing blood everywhere, which is no experience that anyone should take at such a young age, However saying this I'm sure most people have had experiences of this nature or even worse.
However there is light, at that same time I slowly made some friends, which to me is a shock; I guess I was trying to deal with the depressing, look how smart an retorted kid is *Giggles*; Regardless at this time I didn't know I was disabled. I was introduced into computers & computer games, and had 6 years of my life to improve into Age Of Empires; Which Is a VERY fun game or was anyways and now to continue with my story.
Within the year of being 7 years old, I started having dreams; which I am wondering still till this day, do kids of this nature have such dreams or is it a normal thing. In what I remember It was very dark at a graveyard site, I saw a stone which had my name on it. It also had the date of death however it was not exactly it stated between the ages of 30-40 years of age. To me it's very odd that someone would have such dreams of these events, Are they visions of the future or something else going on here. What happens between those timeliness? *Never the less let us continue*
Next 5 Years Of Primary School:
Doing the years of Primary School at Sunshine East Primary School *Normal School* It was odd; I made friends I also had enemies, I had an keen interest in nukom which was a very fun sport. Would explain my insane strength in my right arm when throwing an basketball down the court these days (Giggles); after a short while I discovered I had an learning disorder which means in short I am unable to process information as quickly as others or find some things very challenging than normal to understand. Which I admit does suck however you find ways of going around such walls in order to achieve some things your much better at. When you're a kid you get a lot of crap from your pears and even when your older you also get it may be worse maybe less. At the final year of my Primary school life, I discovered I achieved nothing which well as most may discover this also, however I did pick up interest in a few things while attending. Running, Computers, Basketball and much more & I also made some okay friends at the end of my lonely adventure.
First Year of High School Year 7:
A new place and a new start to start something better and I hope to make more friends. At this time of my life at the age of 12 I believe, I was semi interested in girls, but I didn't really talk directly to them, Didn't really have many female friends more male then female. One of my primary school friends who was also disabled transferred to the same school as myself, We where both enlisted into an special disabled school for people who were challenged by normal high school work.
However believe it or not now that I think about it, I did have a semi interest into the female who transferred with me because I've known her ever since I started my school life. Her name was Mable. I am no longer her friend but I'll get into that a bit later. It seems however within the years that progress I quickly gained an swearing motive because of everyone else who was there and I guess I just picked it up along with the crowed. Sadly also there were bully's here also, much worse than Primary School. Due to my psychical appearance of scares and a tiny bit over weight, I was always picked on.
The sad jokes where directed to the whole on my neck, due to my tracheotomy. As such it resulted to me having plastic surgery for the scares on my body. However that was near the end of the year. *At the start and towards the middle of the year. I was picked on by this one kid nonstop every day. *I mean everyday* I tried telling the teacher but the kid just continually doing what he was doing, So I got up the nerve and broke his leg by a single kick towards the back of it. He was in a lot of pain and I had a huge smile on my face. Seems some people took notice and I slowly made friends. However being the case you truly discover at the end of everything who your friends are; which I did at the end of my school life however being the case.
3 Years have passed:
Doing the years in which passed, It seems I grown very depressed and just hated going to school, I learn a bit about myself more and more. Although considering in what I learn was that nothing of value towards ones on concept of living. It seems like before when I was 7 I started having more dreams however this time about current events which lead me to safety; *Saving me from being bashed more so then normal* Just not on a regular bases. Then life throws you a bone *(YAY)* and as such within my 9 & 10th year of High School if you would call it. I discovered a wonderful teacher named Klate, He was a male teacher. Who taught me many things which I am grateful for, some of my classmates and myself came up to Klate after him bringing up about chess and how we may took interest in playing it.
We all said yes and started up a chess club for the school, In which we trained like crazy for our first tournament. At the end of our training, I became the chess captain of my school, which well was a shock to me. It seems I was able to do something good enough. To a point of my level of skills I was playing the 3 best chess places. (Chris) was an old friend of mine. Robbie *was the one who I broke his leg* (Now friends) and Nathan who was the 3rd best in my books. So Myself Chris, Robbie & Nathan *by skill level* I was versing all 3 of them and was able to beat two out of three however tied with one of them, I forget which one (Giggles).
Tournament Day:
After preparing for our little event that the school hosted we prepared and then started versing a lot of experience players, sadly at the end result quickly we came tied 4th with another school, due to the fact a lot of our weaker players had got there ass beaten like crazy; Which set us back a fair bit. However some of them where very skilled which even I've would of got my ass beaten up, at the end of the whole event we received medals so that was nice.
Year 11 *High School* (HELL)
When the year began again the kid Robbie; whom was picking on me all the time & I broke his leg, if you can remember that far back. One day within class time. He was trying to bash me again I was standing near the door way exiting our small building. So I grab his hand and made him beg for his life. I was very close from breaking them. (Sadly the teacher caught me) And told me to release his hand wish I didn't, However being the case in a strange way why are we still friends, Sadly no idea really.
Now this is where my life goes downhill in a hellish way, It seems that I made friends however we never did anything outside of school so really they were not friends, I was still picked on however being the case I was still alone. I discovered I had feelings for an female, Mable the one who transferred with me to the same school was also in the same grade. I don't know why I had feelings for her but they where there. The short version of it all was that something bad happened and it lead to me staying many FEET away from her for 2 years. I made a good friend named Sadri however and that took a long time to make friends with him; we both had interest in animation and games, and we semi hanged out. We didn't get into any sexual relationship just a friendship. To a point out of all the idioticness within the school he was the only one I respected. Doing the course of the two years, I slowly discovered I didn't have much interest in either female or male sex, because well I was mainly focused within my studies. Which was VCAL *Victorian Certificate of Applied Learning* But thinking back now I didn't have any real female friends most of which were male. At one point where sitting down on a bean bag I noticed when looking at some of my class mates *all male* I got a massive boner but I choose to ignore it because of myself being extremely shy.*
And with this school ends with nothing no love no real friend's sides a small handful. I did enjoy some laughs however not many. I also completed my VCAL work + also applied & completed within my final year of year 12, Certificate 2 In Information Technology once a week.
Human Age Of 19 Years Old:
This year I'd hope a new start where I had freedom and could enjoy some of my life. Wishful thinking, I was barley working. I was working at an fast food restaurant called KFC was not enjoyable I was employed as there cleaner. I was also at that time in my 3rd year of basketball for my old school team; I was playing in B grade for the disabled side of basketball. It seems my interest in basketball in my younger years took interest.
Within my late teenage years, I went to take some formal interest in the Information Technology side of things so while I was working I applied and began my studies within Certificate 4 In Multi Media. I made some friends, sure while there never did anything outside of school never the less. It killed the loneliness inside of me. It seems that slowly my interest grew away from The Multi Media aspect of things however being the case I still continued to go and tried completing my studies; Strangely enough I started having visions of death or at best killing people which were very unclear.
Doing the mid-year It seems I came under major depression possibly because of the shit job I had and also the studding that I was not enjoying. It seems while under this state. I did try to go down an suicidal path and try to kill myself. As an result I wrote up an 10,000+ worded document that I had on my computer awaiting the time of my death. I was going to kill myself by train I know sounds kind of emo but I didn't (Thus why this is here today)
So after I got over the emo state of depression vile I tried keeping myself busy with video games and with gym membership however the gaps didn't say small forever. And I noticed quickly I was going back down the path in which I had before in some cases I'm glad I didn't. I wonder how my life continue from where it begins, lets continue the road through life.
Human Age Of 20 Years Old:
*Flashback*
At the start of my 20th birthday or should I say 3 days before my 20th birthday I swear the world hates me this one. And I am sorry for those who are enjoying the read. But I forgot to bring up when I was 10 years old, I was at the park with my mother and my dog, Yes I use to own a dog I got him when I was 7. Just before leaving we saw this other owner and his dog, I mistakenly let go of the leash when I was holding my dog and the two dogs decided of course to run around my legs. I got bowled over somehow and did an back-flip in which I twisted my left leg and landed on it with my ass. I must of pulled my nerves and It was very damaged for over 3 months I was out of school.
(Now back to the story)
Three days before my birthday I was on my 4th year of basketball still playing in B-Grade. I was playing as forward defense. I was running with the basketball halfway through our extremely late match up. I was tripped over by an enemy player and he said I was faking. *Yea me swearing my head off in pain* and normally I wouldn't swear, Never the less I was able to get up and limping back home. When I returned home from the late run my mum was shocked and we went to the hospital the next day. Within three to four weeks later I decided to return back to work. However I struggled to a point my pain was so extreme I was barely able to stand for 30 minutes.
I discovered after visiting the doctor; she suggested that the pain was so bad I had to take 8 nurofen plus tablets a day to control/ease the pain. Which due to my birth I was always on drugs, my body would adapt to them very quickly which of course it did. One month later they were not helping anymore and the pain just returned.
So I had to return again back to the hospital and they suggested I should do physical therapy, I started doing work on my leg and slowly recovered. These days I just lip and sometimes in pain but little notice. So I guess it's a huge improvement then before. Now I can walk around about 8 or so hours without pain, which is a great sign. While I was still at my shit job at KFC: I decided to find work and also go to another area within the Information Technology area. As such I discovered that I was able to apply for a Diploma Level course in IT; Which I applied early in the year. However I discovered quickly I was incapable of understanding anything about it which I had to remove myself from the studies and I applied for a Certificate 3 in Information Technology.
Thus where life takes an epic turn for I think better perhaps but I'm yet to understand if it's for better or for worse. I started having dreams well dream of the same thing over and over again which is confusing still. I'll explain what happened in the dream:
Anyhow, well the first one was when I was as myself I found myself in the snow in a very heavy blizzard I see this huge mountain and i walk forward *try to* then I fall down *and I wake up* The second one same thing but as a wolf strangely enough I walk forward for a bit then I see this door with light I walk through it and then I wake up. I found the deer I ate it and then howled and then *walked to a nearby lake* and I saw myself *All first person view* as if I where to look at you face to face thing is there was the only place I truly felt like it had a purpose and I could really be happy. I awake and I find myself smiling while crying which is problematic but I guess it was a good dream, I wish it wasn't however.
To a point I am unsure on why I had these dreams, and in which everything for me started to change; I started questioning it and why I would have such dreams; although no answers came so I did some digging. I came across the Therian, Which is more a spiritual outlet, then anything. However that didn't really give any answers because it was more am community, which I later discovered that I was a wolf.
Near the end of the year I decided to resign from KFC in November because I was not getting any hours for work over a 3 month period. This isn't very good. However I found out something interesting about myself. I discovered finally that I was gay; How? Well funny *Giggles*, while in class again having no female friends. I saw one of my class mates put his hand down his pants quickly and my eyes just followed and they well all looked at me odd like. So I guess perhaps I was always gay now we are at present times.
Age Of The 21 Years Old Furry:
After my 21st birthday I decided to start finding work seriously however due to the events of which made it nearly impossible to find work, I was unable to do so. However around early March of 2010, I discovered and decided based on my dreams and some digging around & new interest in art work of the furry fandom. That I was a furry, in a weird sense, which to me these days makes huge sense. I seem to be happy. I however felt odd and well I know my mother was not accepting of gays and I would not be able of explaining what a furry is. I've yet to tell her however. My entire family is also one of those anti gay hater kind of families which for a bonus they are also extremely religious (YAY) NOT! (Anyways) While playing World of Warcraft one day, one of my clan guild friends discovered I was gay but never admitted it. He provided me with pounced which then I made an account and trying to find more furs, However because I live in Australia there are little furs out there and yet any gay furries which makes me sad. However I keep moving, I'd hope to find a mate one day.
It's now October 2010 now, I am still alone however I am not depressed although in a weird sense I loss feeling that people would have; it's interesting how the world throws you around like dirt; I came to believe in something that most people may find a bit strange: Reason with Purpose charts an Action, With No Reason Or Purpose An Action is Not to be taken. This includes living. Why live if you have no reason or purpose towards it. (To just do so to me has no end goal towards it) However seeking for that answer and the reason to many things within my life I look forward to. As for my leg it is alright It still hurts here and there however I deal with the pain. I am still seeking work & I'd hope to gain it soon.
Dawn comes forward to us and now we reach november I've begon getting into writing as you all may see some of my post over sofurry, I am still single but looking for work quite heavily and although it is hard I've learnt over time that one should never give up in your life. Why is this? It's simple because we all follow the same path and with this path it becomes darker. And the dark means someone left the path *killed themself* So we all must follow the path or else we will all die a senseless death.
I should also add that I learnt just recently my mum is a gay hater; as such it makes me sad as no one seems to be open minded, Although regardless her view points of it doesn't really matter. ^_^
I hope you enjoyed it! *It's very personal to me so be a bit kind ^_^!
Thank you for reading and I hope to hear from you very soon.