FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Lew drummed his hands against the steering wheel. The goat's head turned to look out each of the front windows, in turn. Not that he was sure what he was looking for. Nobody was on the streets. Especially not the one person he was expecting. He stopped drumming in order to grip the wheel, fingers flexing as his right hoof jiggled and his eyes did one more circuit of the windows.

A buzzing in his pocket caused him to nearly leave the driver's seat. He looked down. His phone. Quickly, he jammed his hand in and fished the thing out. His finger was swiping up the "answer" button, even before he whipped the phone to his ear. "Cari?"

"Hey," a deep, feminine voice rumbled into his ear. "Yeah, it's me. Sorry. I overslept, again."

Lew craned his neck, to look at the apartment that sat a few doors down from where he'd parked. "The appointment is happening in a few minutes. How quick can you get here?"

A rumbling groan greeted him. Lew could hear the person on the other line, languorously stretching and yawning. "Look, I know. Again, sorry. You're gonna have to start the meet without me."

"What?" Lew flopped back in his seat. "You want me to... like, by myself?"

"Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm gonna be there in a few minutes, so just warm the guy up and get whatever equipment you've got into the house."

Lew looked over at his briefcase, on the passenger seat, then out the windshield again. "I... don't think that's..."

"Lew?" The voice on the other end became deeper, more awake, more serious. "You're gonna be fine. It's just talking to a guy and moving some equipment. You can do this."

The goat leaned his head back, closed his eyes, and sighed. "I know I can. Just... don't take too long in the shower, all right?"

"I'll skip the blow-dry and leave the windows open on my car," Cari promised. "See you in a bit."

"Yeah."

Hanging up, slipping the phone back into his jean pocket, Lew gave himself another moment to fiddle with the steering wheel, one last heavy sigh. He checked himself in the rear-view mirror. He ran a thin hand down his thin cheeks, through his short beard. He didn't see any of that, however. As always, his eyes naturally gravitated towards the top of his head. He stared at the void where half of his right horn used to be, before it had broken off in... He shook his head. He knew what would happen, if he thought about that. Not now. He could not think about that, now.

Grabbing his suitcase, he popped the car door open and stepped out onto the street. The sound of cars was omnipresent, in this town, but here in this neighborhood, at this hour, there was barely anything moving. The streets here were where cars parked, not where they drove, and it was a stroke of luck that Lew was able to find a spot, so close to his destination. Lew felt eyes on him, as he walked down the uneven sidewalk and up the stairs to the apartment building. He was probably imagining that, so he chose to ignore it. He pressed a button, on the console next to the door, and tried not to fidget too hard, in case there were cameras.

"Hey," said a tinny, male voice from the speaker on the console. "You the guy I called?"

"Uh, yes!" Lew cleared his throat, and tried again, more confidently. "Yes. This is Lew with Otherworld Services. I believe I spoke to you on the phone?"

"Yeah, cool," the voice replied. "I'll buzz you in. My place is just up the stairs to your right."

A mechanical buzzing noise rang out, from the door, which Lew opened to push inside. Climbing a set of worn-out stairs with worn-out carpet and a hand rail that showed many, many signs of repair, he reached the second floor, where his client was already standing in the doorway of his apartment. A tall horse, maybe in his early thirties, he slouched against the door-frame in a way that didn't seem to make him any smaller. Lew, being a short and scrawny fellow, generally felt small next to people, but the way the client held himself made him seem like somebody who was very much used to craning his head down, to look people in the eye.

"Thanks for coming," the client said, as he thrust a hand down at the goat.

"Good to finally meet you, Nick." Lew said, as he thrust his own hand to shake. Even wrapped in a baggy sweater, the horse's arm had the clear definition of one who worked out, and the goat's palm must have felt incredibly soft, in his calloused hand. However, those were all thoughts that Lew kept in his own head, as he spoke. "My boss, Cari, was held up with another client, but she told me she should be by in just a little bit. We can get started without her, if that's okay."

"Works for me." Nick pulled himself off the door-frame and clopped into his apartment. "Come on in. You want something to drink? Water, beer...?"

"Th-that's all right. Thank you, though." The inside of Nick's apartment was one of those old, sturdy skeletons that landlords liked, since it meant they could ignore all the little problems that came up. The client's sense of interior design was clearly "whatever he could get his hands on." A couch with mismatched throw pillows, next to a mismatched recliner, sat around a coffee table that still had the snacks on it from this weekend's football game. A poster of some quarterback or other decorated one wall, while another had a sun-bleached photo of a petite, smiling mouse in a bikini. Off to the side was the kitchen, where even from here, the stack of dishes was clearly visible in the sink.

"Right, so... how we gonna do this?" Nick leaned against the far wall in the living room. He liked leaning against things. Maybe he thought that doing so made him look less imposing. It did not work, at least as far as Lew was concerned.

Lew shrugged the arm holding his suitcase. "So, um... I've got a few things I'm planning to set up, ahead of the... you know, the thing. In the meantime, maybe you oughta tell me about what's been going on."

"Oh, right." The horse chuckled. "Sorry. This is definitely the first time I've hired guys like you."

"Most people are first time clients," Lew replied, distractedly, as he looked around the area for flat surfaces. "I mean, what're the chances you move into two haunted houses, in a row?"

"Fair. Anyways..." Nick scratched his cheek. "...I started dating again, recently."

"Nice," Lew said, halfheartedly, as he put the case down on the dining room table which, of course, looked as though nobody ever ate at it.

"And by 'dating,' I of course mean 'hooking up.'"

"Niiiice." The goat opened his case and looked inside. Yup. Still full of crystals.

"Right, bro? You know what's up." Even without looking, Lew could hear Nick putting his hands behind his head, taking a more swaggering stance. "Took me a bit to get any sort of traction on those dating apps, but you'd be surprised how many girls go for a black-and-white selfie. Especially when you've got the shirt off."

Lew began to pull out his collection of vaguely shiny rocks, as he emphatically did not think about how long it had been since he even had a dating app on his phone.

Nick, heedless, continued. "Yeah, so... I've gotten a few pretty ladies. Took a few of them to their place, had a couple in the back seat of my car. One time I got this bitty little shrew into an alley and she just let me get a hand right under..."

"Hey, uh..." Lew looked up, from his growing pile of rocks. "...not to interrupt, or anything, but what does this have to do with the, uh...?"

During his storytelling, Nick's eyes had found their way up onto the ceiling, and his mouth had opened into a dopey grin. With a flinch, however, he remembered what he was supposed to be talking about. "Fuck. Right. Sorry. So, the weird thing's been that... the problem happens whenever I get a girl here." He indicated the room with his hands. Presumably, he meant the apartment, in general. Lew was fairly sure he was not meant to be specifically referring to the tattered recliner, where he was mostly pointing. "Doesn't matter how into me a girl is. Whenever she comes into this house, and especially when she sees the bedroom..."

Lew raised an eyebrow, then finished the horse's sentence. "...she gets cold feet?"

"Exactly! They always get this cagey look, and then they start talking about how they don't feel comfortable. And, like, obviously I don't push. That's not cool, or whatever."

"Absolutely," Lew responded, in an attempt to keep the conversation going.

"My bros want to say it's cause my game sucks, but..." he held his hands out, with a sardonic smirk. "...come on! Right? Ain't no way that a chest like this is gonna scare away a girl, last second."

"You sure it's not something on the girl's end?"

Lew just about jumped out of his fur, as a third voice came rolling in to the apartment. Cari was a larger creature, much like Nick. Except while Nick was muscles and shoulders, the coyote was softer, rounder, and definitely focused in the hips. The fact that she always seemed to wear clothes a size too small for her didn't help, giving her the impression that her true size was always being abortively held back by the fabric. To be fair she did look a little bit smaller, today. Her still damp fur had been patted down after its natural blow-dry in the car. Even so, she was among the many people Lew had to look up at, on a regular basis, and one of the few who seemed to legitimately fill that space.

Looking to the two men, Cari waited for an answer. When none was forthcoming, she added. "It's a two player game, you know. Maybe she wasn't in the right head space and had to bail. It happens."

Nick pointed to Cari, and shot a question to Lew with his eyes. The goat sighed and answered. "This is Cari. I told you about her?"

"Oh, right." Sheepishly, Nick took a step forward and offered a hand to the coyote. "The famous ghost hunter herself. Sorry. When I heard you were an exorcist, I had you pictured as a grizzled old crone in a nun's habit, or something."

She smiled, toothily, as she gripped his hand firm enough to be audible. "Flattery isn't gonna get you a discount, you know."

"A man can try, can't he?"

"He can."

The two of them laughed, like they were old friends that were finally reuniting. Lew, for his part, breathed a sigh of relief. Quickly slipping past Cari, he grabbed her case and began to busy himself on literally any part of his job that did not involve talking to clients.

Pulling his hand away, Nick stood up straight as he explained himself. "So, uh... no, I don't think it was a head space thing. Or, at least, not just a head space thing. Like, as soon as they were in that bedroom, they were scared. Like... scared scared, you know what I'm saying?"

Cari nodded, in understanding. "Not like a 'this doesn't pass the vibe check' kind of thing, but like a 'I'm about to get murdered' kind of thing."

"Yeah, exactly! And, like, I'm a big guy, but I don't give off serial killer vibes."

"Not to me, no." Cari turned to try and grab her case, only now realizing that it was being pawed through by her assistant. Shrugging, she turned back to the horse. "Can't speak for women I've never met, though."

Nick's expression hardened, ever so slightly, even as his eyebrow quirked up in confusion. When he spoke again, he was suddenly more serious. "So... how's this all supposed to work? You guys and your crystals and stuff?"

Cari smiled the smile of a professional, prepared to serve. "Right, so... we're gonna have to borrow your space here, for a bit. We'll get you out of here, check the property overnight, and if we're able to find any proof of haunting, we'll share the evidence with you in the morning. If yes, then we move on to the exorcism part of the program."

"I see. And if you're not able to find anything?"

Cari shrugged. "If we can't, we apologize for taking up your time, we take a half-fee for our troubles, and I point you in the direction of someone who might actually be able to help. It happens."

Nick looked from Cari to Lew, who by this point was feeding batteries into a camcorder while a recently activated... thing... warbled faintly on the dining room table. He smirked, as he turned back to the coyote. "All right. You're on, sister." He gave her another, more energetic handshake. "You're lucky I had an aunt who dealt with stuff like this, or else I'd think you were taking me for a ride."

Cari showed some teeth, when she smiled at that. "You're in good hands, Nick. Spiritual matters like this have been in my family for generations. If there's something otherwordly going on, here, I'm gonna find it."

"Neat." The horse cocked his head in Lew's direction. "What's, uh... what's his pedigree?"

Lew, while this was happening, flipped the switch on a handheld device, which proceeded to squeal at a volume that nearly made him drop the thing, in fright. "Dammit!" he muttered, over the mechanical shriek, as he reached for a knob and violently turned it down. "Why's this thing always at max volume, when I turn it on?"

Cari watched her assistant fumble with the device, a moment more, before turning back to Nick and saying "He's in training."

"Right..." With that, Nick walked past, grabbing a bag off the floor beside the front door. "I'll leave you to it. Gonna be spending the night with a doe who's got a fancy for me. Specifically..." He turned around, as he opened the door, to flash Lew a wink. "...well, best not get into details. Good hunting, you two!"

Lew watched, levelly, as Nick closed the door behind him. Only when the goat heard those heavy hooves clomping down the stairs did he open his mouth. "He's an ass," he said.

"Yes, he does," Cari purred. When Lew turned to look at her, her expression was fixed on a point of the door, well below where Nick's face would have been.

Lew rolled his eyes, before getting back to work. "Almost got the tech equipment juiced and calibrated. I didn't know if setting up the crystals wrong was gonna mess up the mojo in them or anything, so I just stacked them up in a safe shape for you to mess around with, when you're ready."

Cari looked down at the crystals, which Lew had meticulously arranged into a perfectly stable looking pyramid, while she was talking up the client. She hadn't the heart to tell him that those rocks spent the rest of their life thrown haphazardly around her shrines, when they were not being used for a job. "Good job," she said, thrusting her hands in her pockets. "All right, time to do a little recap. As you already know, a small, but non-zero percentage of our clients turn out to be...?" She let the sentence trail off, a question in her tone.

Lew sighed, as he put down a trail-cam and reached for another device. "Lonely people looking for attention," he finished.

"And...?"

"People with mental health issues."

"You got it." Walking closer, Cari pulled a crystal from the top of the pile. "Now, then... are we qualified to help with mental health problems?"

"No."

"Are we friends for hire?"

"Hell no," Lew huffed, with a scowl.

"Good. So, if it turns out to be either one of those...?"

"We treat them gently, point them in the direction of services that can help them, and get the fuck out."

"Good boy." Cari smiled at the back of the goat's head.

Lew flinched, nearly dropping the tape recorder in his hands. He met the coyote's eyes, his ears swiveling about to point in random directions. "C-could you not?"

Cari's expression fell. "Sorry. I forgot, you don't like when people talk to you, like that."

The goat straightened his back and composed himself. His expression became a perfect mask of businesslike calm, so long as one ignored the slight burning in his cheeks. "Right. So, we need to determine if there's actually a ghost in this apartment. We set up the surveillance stuff, you do the thing with the spirit crystals and, uh..." Faltering, he began to pantomime holding something out in front of him. "...like, the thing with the string and the dangling whatsit that, uh..."

Cari raised an eyebrow. "You're talking about the pendulum?"

"Pendulum! Yes!" Lew clapped his hands. "Sorry. I know how to press buttons on tech things, but I'm still trying to play catch-up on the more... you know, ethereal part of the job."

Cari chuckled. "That's all right. It's basic division of labor; I handle the spiritual side of things, all the inexplicable mojo stuff, and you get all the grunt labor."

Lew raised an eyebrow, holding up a tape recorder. "You just press buttons to turn these on. I don't see how..."

Cari shook her head. "No, no, no, Lew. You're gonna do more than that." Tossing her crystal into the air, she caught it with a toothy grin. "You're gonna be going through the client's shit."

* * *

Lew would say, after a few more jobs like this one, that the early evening was always the part of the job that made him the most uncomfortable. Not because of the thought of being in a pitch-dark room with something dead, but because of all the stuff that came before it. Opening cabinets, looking into a stranger's dietary choices, finding ideal spots to set up various pieces of spy equipment, all while the sun got lower, painting the rooms in redder and darker hues. In those moments before nightfall, it was hard to feel like he was doing anything other than invading the client's privacy, instead of looking for proof of ghosts.

Cari did not help put his mind at ease. She never made noise, when she moved. It seemed impossible that a girl so large would be so weightless when she walked. And yet, multiple times, the only way the goat knew his boss was behind him was when he felt the sudden breeze that marked her passing. Whenever he looked back, there was always a crystal somewhere it had not been previously. Rarely, he would see her before she turned a corner. Her eyes were faraway, as if she was deep inside her own mind. Or, perhaps, somewhere further. Lew was not quite afraid of ghosts. Up until a few weeks before he had met Cari, he would have likely said he didn't believe in ghosts.

The glassy look in the coyote's eyes, however? That occasionally made Lew uncomfortable.

He was staring at the void, that his boss had left as she turned towards the bedroom, so he did not notice the weight pressing against the other side of the pantry door. Not until he had half-opened it, and something spilled out around his hooves. Taking a nervous step back, he looked down. He was now slowly being surrounded by bags from fast food places, soda bottles, beer cans and all manner of other detritus. Lew could tell, even as he was squatting down to toss it all back into the pantry, that some of these items were weeks old, at least.

"You dead out there?"

"Ffff...!" Lew's entire body shook, as Cari's voice rang out from the bedroom. "F-fine! We're good!" He sighed. After all that time being silent, some part of Lew had apparently forgotten that she was even capable of speaking. "Looks like Nick has been taking shortcuts, when it comes to tidying his space up."

"Yup," replied the coyote's voice. "Hey, come in here a second."

After pausing, to make sure all the evidence of him opening the door had been thrown back into the pantry, he rose to his feet and turned the corner into the bedroom. Immediately, he was hit with the smell of cologne. One corner of the room was taken up by a brand new looking four post bed, almost too big for the room, covered in diaphanous cloth. A sound system crowded into the opposite corner, next to the dresser that was covered in new, unlit candles. A rather impressive stack of R&B CDs lay on both.

Cari smirked, though her lips were just as lifeless as her eyes. "Romantic, isn't it?"

"I... guess?" Lew absently grabbed a small circular container, from the night-stand. "All this stuff looks really new. You think that this is the spot?"

Cari nodded, as she looked around the room. "New furniture can be a sign of behavioral changes. Tends to happen somewhere where ghosts have sway. And they tend to come out in bedrooms, so..." She pulled up a magazine from the nightstand, flipping through a few pages. What little expression she had fell, suddenly. "Oh, no. It's worse than I thought."

Lew craned his head to look past her arm. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Turning around, she held out the open magazine for him to see. In the dim light, he could make out a full page spread of a wispy little deer in a translucent teddy, stretched over a bed with a come-hither stare. One of Cari's teeth glinted in the dim light, as she grinned. "Turns out our client's taste in women is basic as fuck."

"Fucking... come on, man!" Lew threw his hands in front of his eyes and recoiled, his face growing hot. "You know that, since you're technically my boss, this constitutes sexual harassment, right?"

"Right, right, I'm sorry." Shrugging, she replaced the magazine on the table. "Not a lot of boundaries, where I grew up, when it comes to that kind of thing."

Lew shook his head, still hiding behind his hands. "Look, can we just set up the tape recorders and get to the part where we're both jumping at random noi..."

Suddenly, with a loud, mechanical clack, the room was filled with red light. Lew's hooves nearly left the floor, dropping the container onto the ground as he wheeled around to the bed. The posts around the bed were lit with dozens of bright red string lights. Lew held his hands close to himself, ears pointing around the room, as he looked from the bed to Cari.

Cari shrugged, pointing to a nearby outlet. "Looks like they're on a timer."

Lew followed Cari's finger, saw the timer, and then his muscles relaxed. "R-right. That makes sense, I guess."

Absently, Cari turned her finger towards the ground. "What's all that?"

Looking down, Lew groaned. The container had popped open, when it hit the ground, disgorging its contents. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..." Squatting down, he grabbed one of the little dark splotches on the ground and picked it up. It felt like fabric, between his fingers, a tiny oval folded on one end. "It's..." he squinted, trying to suss out its color in the monochrome red light of the room. "...a bunch of fake rose petals."

"Wow," Cari replied, sardonically. "Nicky Boy's an old fashioned romantic, I see." Lew huffed, staring up at the ceiling and shaking his head. His brow slowly knitted into a scowl. The coyote's brow raised, as she spoke again. "What you got in your head, there, Lew?"

"Like..." Lew pinched the bridge of his nose, in frustration. "We can fucking call this, right? This guy's problems with getting women in his bed, it's not ghosts. It's definitely not ghosts."

"Go on." Cari smirked, faintly, as she folded her arms and leaned on her back foot. It was clear she already knew what he was going to say, but Lew felt compelled to continue anyway.

Standing up, he motioned with his free hand to the door out into the living room. "We've got a dude here who's clearly been a bachelor, for a hot minute. Keeps a dirty house, keeps a stash of fur mags by his bedside, and it's whatever. But then, he gets a quarter-life crisis, and starts thinking he needs to get his ass laid, like, right the fuck now..."

"Lew?"

"...So the guy starts swiping, or whatever, gets a couple of women in his house, and what do these women see? An apartment that's barely put together, but a bedroom that's laid out like it's a goddamn prince's chambers. Like... rose petals? Really? A giant bed with a canopy and mood lighting?"

"Lew, bud..."

"This is beyond extra. This is borderline serial killer behavior. And he's taking girls into this room on the first date! No wonder they're all getting cagey. If somebody tried to drag me into His Majesty's Royal Fuck Bed, on the first date, I'd absolutely be reaching for the nearest..."

"Lew!" Cari barked. "Slow it down, a second. There's definitely a presence, in this room."

Lew flinched, looking over to the coyote. "What do you mean? Why do you... say... oh."

Cari leaned against the dresser, muzzle towards the ceiling, a heavy breath leaving her nostrils. Something burrowed, under her skintight shirt. Two somethings, actually. Lew could clearly make out fingers and thumbs, as they crawled up her body and began to heft at her ample breasts. One of them slid down, disappearing once it reached the belly gap between her shirt and her pants. Then the goat watched, wide-eyed, as the bulge reemerged between her legs.

Cari let out a sultry chuckle, as she put a hand over the "hand" at her breast, and said. "I... You could just call it intuition, I guess."

Swallowing, nervously, Lew turned to step out of the room. He emerged a moment later, tape recorder in hand.

* * *

In the morning, the three of them sat around Nick's dining room table. The horse scowled, as he stared at the running tape recorder, which hissed with the sound of moving air and heavy breathing. Cari rested her chin in her hand, and smiled the smug smile of someone who had something. Lew drummed his fingers against the side of his chair, his ears roving about for nothing. They lurched forward when a sharp, harsh, whispering voice came in on the recording.

"Pretty... thing..." it said.

Lew reached out, quickly, to stop the tape before it played any of the other things it had recorded. "Th-that's all we could pick up," he lied. "The rest is just us moving around in the background."

"That's the guy?" Nick asked, through a set jaw. "That's our ghost? Who's the guy breathing in the background."

"It's me," Cari responded, coolly. "Ghost wasn't obliging enough to talk when we weren't in the room, and normal sounds like people breathing tend to get blown out of proportion when they're at volumes loud enough to pick up EVP."

Yeah, Lew thought, nervously shuffling his feet under the table, but those weren't exactly normal breathing sounds, you were doing. Another half a second and the client would have heard...

"I knew it!" Nick slammed his fist down on the table. Lew and his chair hopped back an inch. "By God, I knew it! Something dead's been hanging out in my apartment with me. This totally explains why I keep getting skeeved out in the shower." Reaching for the bag at his feet, Nick pulled out his laptop and placed it on the table. "I've been doing some research, while I was over at my lady friend's house, and I think I've even got your ghost. Turns out somebody was murdered in my apartment, about twenty years ago."

"Oh, a murder ghost!" Cari chuckled, pushing her head over in Lew's direction. "You wanna tell him, rookie?"

Lew, who was still concerned that the tape recorder might suddenly switch on, at any moment, looked up at his boss with confusion, and just the faintest hint of panic.

"Fair enough," Cari said, without skipping a beat, before turning her eyes back to Nick. "Murder ghosts are really only something you see in movies. They don't really show up in the wild, too much."

"What do you mean?" Nick shrugged, looking around in confusion. "Ghosts are dead people, right? Why wouldn't they happen when somebody's murdered?"

Cari sighed, sitting up straight so her words would seem more serious. "Ghosts aren't really people, so much as they're... vibes. Well-worn emotions that get baked into the fabric of a space, and come out when the right sort of psychic pressure draws them out. Sure, a murder victim is going to be feeling some pretty strong emotions. I'm not saying you never see those pop up. But a lot of people who go through trauma actually forget big chunks of it, and that includes murder victims. Even if they don't, they usually don't feel those things for long enough to stick, if you understand me." She put her hands behind her head, leaning back in her seat. "Once the carpets get replaced, and you get one or two new tenants sleeping and living in the space, any sort of emotional residue's gonna pretty quickly get plastered over by the million-and-one emotions of everyday life."

"All right. Guess that makes sense," Nick said, though his shrug suggested he was almost entirely lost. "So, if it's not some kind of 'avenging spirit' or some nonsense, why's it freaking out my guests?"

Probably has something to do with invisible ghost hands that phase through clothes, Lew thought to himself, his right hoof jiggling and his ears twitching.

Cari, meanwhile, was completely unfazed, as she continued to speak. "I'm sure it's nothing malicious on the part of our little psychic remnant. Ghosts are raw emotion, without the sapient filter. That can be disturbing to experience, unless you're really used to working with spirits. Your lady friends are going to be on guard, walking into a new man's bedroom, and so they're more primed to notice and more primed to view any vague sense that something's wrong as a hint that they should cut and run."

"Oh." Nick's expression lightened. He chuckled, as he leaned back in his seat. "Cool. And here I thought it was something I was doing."

A sudden, sharp laugh made everyone flinch, a little bit. Lew jumped the most, but only because he was surprised to hear that laugh coming out of his own mouth.

Nick raised an eyebrow, before looking to Cari. "What's his problem?"

"Nerves," Cari replied, sharply, almost before Nick had finished speaking. "Nerves. He's new to this whole paranormal thing, and experiencing a haunting tends to be a pretty intense experience. You understand."

Nick gave Lew a look, out of the side of his eye. The goat pressed his lips together and kept quiet.

"Right, then." Cari leaned forward, her elbows landing on the table with a thump. "So, we've got your specter. Now we need to talk about getting him out. This is a pretty straightforward affair. Movies like to do the whole 'holy water,' 'In Nomine Patri' song and dance, but I'm not a huge fan. Makes the room smell like a church? Kills the whole mood of the place, for a bit. It's like cutting an onion with a chainsaw. Instead..." Reaching into the breast pocket of her jacket, she produced one of her many crystals, placing it on the table. "...we go for the more natural choice."

"Natural?" Nick asked. "What do you mean, natural?"

Cari spread her hands and shook her head. "Ghosts are vibes. Left to their own devices, even the most baked in auras are going to fade out after enough time and enough manifestations. Lew and I are going to accelerate that process. Draw out all the latent feelings connected with your psychic squatter, let 'em get it out of their system, and siphon it away into some freshly moon-bathed crystals. End result should be that anything left in these walls will just fade into the background, easily suppressed by your stronger, living aura."

Nick reached out and grabbed the crystal, rolling it in his thick fingers. "I see... and this is like, an exorcism, right? It's dangerous?"

"Nothing I can't handle," Cari replied, with an irresistible undertone of confidence, "but we will be conducting our work with you out of the apartment again, for your own safety."

Yeah, Lew thought to himself, nervously. For his safety. That's the only reason we're facing a...

"All right, you're on." Nick sighed, standing up and grabbing his bag. "I was looking for an excuse to spend another night with Jodi, anyway. You, uh... you need me for anything, or should I just get on out of here to let you guys work?"

"You're good." Cari rose, giving the horse a firm handshake. "Just give us a call in the morning and, spirits willing, your spirit will be gone and there'll be a pleasant lightness to the air, when you come back."

"Neat. Well, then..." He pointed to Lew, as he made for the front door. "Keep your head up, little dude. You'll be good."

Lew waved back to him, with a transparently fake attempt at confidence.

Cari watched him leave, her eyes once again pointed a couple feet down from where the back of the horse's head would be. When the door closed, she shook her head. "Do you think he's actually seeing a lady friend," she asked, "or is he just hanging out at a hotel and trying to pull strange on his phone, all night?"

"There's no way he wouldn't have noticed," Lew replied, completely ignoring the question. "The thing with the hands? Like, how's he supposed to miss a haunting that obvious?"

Cari looked back at the goat, confused. "What? Didn't I explain that, last night?"

"You were..." Lew's ears flattened, as he took a keen interest in the wall next to him. "...you were a little preoccupied, last night, if I remember."

Cari shrugged. "That manifestation was something I made happen. The crystals enhance psychic resonance, which allows for stronger hauntings to happen. Nick and his hot dates only have their own latent energies to work with, and unlike me, they weren't trying to draw a ghost out. Most any of them would have experienced is a little bit of pressure. You know, like the kind you feel when you know somebody's watching you? Maybe he would have gotten a bit handsy when they actually got down to business, but... you know what's one more touch when your legs and arms are wrapped around a warm, panting..."

"Stop." Lew held a hand up, mortified. "Stop, just... God. So, you're telling me he's still in there?"

"Yup. Could sense him in the walls."

"And in order to burn out his aura we gotta make him... do that, again?"

"What? Oh, no, no. Come on, Lew." Cari smiled, which caused Lew to deflate somewhat in relief, before she said: "We've actually gotta make him do a whole lot more than what he did last night. You're not running through years of pent-up sexual emotion just by playing Seven Minutes in Heaven with the guy."

"What do you mean 'we gotta do more?' The ghost..." Lew sputtered, beside himself as his memories returned to him. "The ghost put... he put..." He sighed, forcing the sentence out through gritted teeth. "He put his fingers... in your hoo-ee! Does that not disturb you, in any way?"

Cari snorted, one eyebrow raising. "'Hoo-ee?'" She could see that Lew was about to make any one of several scandalized noises, and so she decided to cut him off by answering. "Look, Lew... spirits aren't people, like I said. They're emotions made manifest. They don't have the ability to moderate their feelings, any more than you can moderate gravity's pull on your body. So, we kind of have to play the game by their rules, if we want to get all this built up spirit gunk out of the client's bedroom."

"And you're... you know, okay with that?"

Cari shrugged. "Yeah? If anything, I find the attention of spirits to be pretty bracing. So unfiltered, so free..." She sighed, wistfully staring off towards the ceiling a moment. Then, she shook her head, looking back to Lew. "I think the more important question is... are you okay with that?"

"Me? What do you mean, me?" Lew looked over to the bedroom, nervously. "You think the ghost is gonna... do something to me?"

"He didn't seem like you were his type," said Cari, "but that's not what I mean. Things are gonna get... a little bit more intense, around here. You're probably going to see some boundaries crossed, spiritual and... well..." Lew let out a shaky breath, but didn't respond, so the coyote continued. "I know you came into this job because you wanted answers about things, but..." Cari sighed. "Lew, I don't want you signing up for anything you don't feel up to. Say the word, and you'll sleep in your own bed tonight. Full pay, no questions."

Lew nodded his understanding, but added in a low voice: "But you'll be staying here."

Cari nodded back. "This is my job. Girl's gotta do something to keep herself in leather jackets."

Lew spread his hands out on the table and leaned forward, with a sigh and a groan. He shook his head, muttering to himself. "Coulda just gone to a shrink. It would have been so much easier..." Leaning back in the seat, he met her eyes, his expression grim and serious. "I don't know that you need my help or not, but... I'm not leaving you alone in here. Not with some handsy ghost running around."

Cari smirked. "Good boy."

Lew flinched, once again. "Would you...?" He paused, to compose himself. "Right, so... what's the plan? What do you need me to set up?"

* * *

The set-up in Nick's bedroom, that second night, was far less technological. None of the listening devices, cameras or anything of the sort made it in. Lew even, at Cari's insistence, left his phone on the dining room table, next to hers. In its place was a battery of crystals, placed on every surface that would accept them. A stand with three sticks of incense sat on the night-stand. Lew spread around sheets of paper, on which were drawn symbols and diagrams, things Lew only vaguely recognized from horror films and the odd astrology chart. He was just about done putting down the last of those, when he felt the floorboards shift, behind him. He looked behind him, at his boss... and then immediately turned to look at the opposite wall.

"Well," Cari replied, sardonically, "not the most morale-boosting response I've ever had from a man."

"Holy fuck, Cari," Lew said, with a hand over his chest and his ears twitching. "Why are you wearing that?"

Cari looked down at the red teddy she had changed into, in the bathroom. She shrugged, and smiled. "If we're gonna seduce a sexual ghost, you gotta put your best foot forward. Besides, it's ease of access. Can't exactly risk 'em tearing my pants, while he's trying to..."

"Gahhhh this was a mistake!" Lew reached for a lighter and turned towards the incense, never once keeping anything other than his back facing his inappropriately dressed boss. "Do I light the incense? Is this the part where I light the incense?"

"Not yet. You need to take something, first." Behind him, there was a clatter of something heavy and glass, on the nightstand, followed by the hollow clack of two plastic cups. Cari sighed. "Look, turn around, Lew. It's fine, all right? I promise you, you don't need to worry about preserving my modesty or whatever." Reluctantly, the goat turned to face her. A brief, impish impulse nearly made Cari laugh and call Lew a "pervy bastard" for looking, but she decided at the last minute that that would be a very cruel thing to do to her employee. Instead, she held up the glass bottle she had pulled from her bag, full of a dark red liquid.

Lew squinted at it. "What is that? Wine?"

"Half of it is." Cari unscrewed the cap and placed it on the night-stand, before placing a piece of cheese cloth over the lip of the bottle. "It's a home grown vintage from one of my friends. I've steeped some mugwort in this for a period of seven days, while it spends its nights being bathed in moonlight." She poured two glasses out, holding the cloth over the opening so the mass of plant matter stayed in the bottle, sliding back as a sludgy mass when she righted the bottle and replaced the cap.

"Right, but why?" Lew asked. "Are we gonna get the ghost drunk, or something?"

"Nope. These are for us." Cari held out a cup for the goat, as she put the second one to her lips. "The mugwort heightens psychic powers. With this, it should be easier to draw our ghost out, and possibly to even see him, when he does manifest."

Lew stared at the cup, then at Cari. His eyes wandered down for a second, but he quickly corrected himself to look back into her eyes. Then, slowly, he took the cup. "You're either telling me the truth, or this is the weirdest way anybody's ever asked me to have a drink with them."

"Sounds like you don't leave the house much," Cari replied, sardonically. She took a ginger seat on the bed, her weight causing the springs to creak. "Drink it slowly. Take deliberate sips. The goal's to get the mugwort going, not to get drunk."

Lew grimaced, as the taste of exceptionally sour, amateur wine passed his lips. "No?" he coughed. "Because I can't help but notice you poured us the whole 12 ounces." Lew felt momentarily light-headed. Not to any significant degree; in fact, it was so subtle, he could almost convince himself he was just imagining things. He shook his head. "Right. Now we light the incense?"

Cari nodded, setting her cup down on the night-stand. "You get the last of the preparations ready, and I'll see about getting our spirit's attention."

Lew took another sip of the amateur wine, as he pointed the lighter to the incense sticks and pulled the trigger. He had had exactly the right roommate, in college, to have just enough practice with this part. Let the flame propagate a bit on the stick, then blow it out. Soon, the whole bundle was trailing wisps of fragrant smoke into the room. Another sip. He checked the crystals, to make sure none of them were falling off the edge of the bed, or the dresser, or any of the many other places they had been left.

Cari, meanwhile, spread herself on the bed. Her chest rose and fell, as she took deep breaths. On each long exhale, her lips moved, rattling out a low and breathy chant. It was the same, every time, so Lew was eventually able to catch the gist of it: "Loving spirits, wild and free, (something, something) come to me." The goat paused what he was doing, to look over at her. Once again, her eyes were unfocused, even as the rest of her was alive and vibrant. The sound of her breathing, the sliding of her body against the sheets, was the most noise Lew had ever heard her make at night. When she wasn't talking, anyway. She arched her back, pulling one leg in. From this angle, Lew could see the whole of her soft, fuzzy thighs. The thought occurred to him that she might not be wearing panties, under that teddy, and it made his face all but burst into flame.

"Okay, so..." Lew spun around slowly, his free hand up with spread fingers, as he took in the room. "...area's secure. I think. All the magical things are in place, and, uh..." He turned his eyes towards the ceiling. "Hey, uh, ghosts? My half-naked friend here wants me to make it clear that the whole manifestation thing? It's bedroom only, okay? Nobody better be rooting around the client's pantry, or they're going back across the veil. There. Is that good, or... oh, jeez...!" Lew looked down at Cari, then immediately looked away. She was, in fact, not wearing panties. He turned to face the wall, taking another pull of wine as he muttered to himself. "Don't say anything, Lew. You're gonna... kill the mood, or whatever."

"You're not killing the mood," Cari said, between pulls of air and languid stretches. "If anything, I think your energy is like a beacon."

"What does that mea-fuck..." Lew turned around to speak, only to catch a glimpse of grey thighs and immediately back out. "God, this has gotta be the most surreal job I've ev-fuck!" A loud mechanical clack caused him to jump, as the room was filled with red light, once again. Lew, in a panic, checked the cup in his hand, to make sure he didn't spill. "Fucking... who puts mood lights on a timer? I thought I unplugged that..." Lew's expression fell. "Wait a second... I did unplug that."

Cari groaned, a heady cry of surprise and pleasure. Her muscles flexed down her body, in a wave, her hips rising up as something pressed down the fur of her thighs, parted her slick vulva open to Lew's helpless gaze. The goat wanted to look away, but could only spare momentary glances. What he saw beyond her body made his heart seize.

The string lights around the bed threw shadows in all directions. Against the wall on the left-hand side of the bed, visible through the vague shadows of the translucent veil around the posts, something long, lithe and male cast a shadow over Cari's writhing body. That same something was not visible on the bed, though Lew could see the movements made by its hands as it ran fingers through fur and pulled the hem of her red teddy up past her stomach.

"He's here," Cari gasped.

"No shit!" Lew replied.

Cari made a muffled noise, as if something was pressing down on her lips. One of her breasts was rolled and squished by an invisible hand. When she finally got the use of her mouth again, she gasped "K-keep sipping the wine. We might be able to get a full manifestation if... oh fuck!" Whatever else she was going to say was lost in a chorus of heady moans, as one of her breasts spilled free of the thin silk fabric, the nipple being subtly pulled and tweaked.

Lew tried to control his breathing, keep his ears still and his hooves from fidgeting. He was also trying to ignore the growing knot in his jeans, but at the moment he was too scared to think of that as anything other than a dumb reflex. He told himself he needed to relax. Fear was going to ruin the mood, might attract something even worse than the ghost that was here. The ghost that was currently trying to have sex with his boss. Growling with trepidation, he took another pull of wine. His head swam, and this time he couldn't ignore it. The incense smoke seemed to hang around in a thicker cloud, than it had a few seconds ago. The world became fuzzier. The veil around the bed shifted and shimmered in the bright red light, casting shadows that loomed over the coyote.

One more sip, and the shadows got darker. By the third, he could make out the dim outline of Cari's new lover. It was not clear enough to make out details. Lew was hard pressed to tell what species it was that was playing with her ample breasts, and what details he could find changed, when he took his eyes off of them. The only constant was that it was male. With the creature on all fours, he had somewhere between five and ten inches of proof pointing down at the mattress, between his legs. Again, it shifted every time Lew tried to look away. And he tried to look away more than a few times.

"That's it," Cari cooed, reaching up to run a hand through the ghost's simultaneous head-fur and lack of head-fur. "Such a needy spirit, aren't you?" She giggled, as she felt its member lower itself against her thigh and dig a furrow in her thick fur. "That's it, sweetie. No more having to watch others go at it, from the shadows. It's your turn, now."

"Wait," Lew muttered, "is that what I'm here for?" Cari didn't hear him, too preoccupied with the spirit's hands as it went back to checking her vulva for moisture. The goat leaned against the wall, taking another sip of wine. "Whatever. At least it beats retail."

Hooking a hand behind the knee of one of Cari's legs and spreading her wide open, the shadow moved himself into position, his body rolling like fog down a hill into position. He did not need to guide himself in to the coyote's waiting sex. Rather, his body seemed to simply form into the shape of one that was already primed to begin penetrating. He wasted no time after that, his hips smearing and blurring as he began to drive into Cari with wild abandon. Cari, for her part, could only brace her hands against the headboard, groaning as her whole body shook with each thrust. A few babbling words of encouragement came out of her mouth, breathy and fawning, but for the most part she could only make inarticulate sounds of need and desperation.

After another sip, Lew started to notice the world around him becoming strange. The walls were marked with the shadows of invisible wisps of smoke, giving the whole room a feeling like it was underwater. Circular motes of something dark hovered in the air, always at the edge of Lew's vision. The man atop his boss began to take on something like definition. In the monochrome red lights, it was difficult to tell the exact shade of his fur... no, feathers... no, scales... it seemed to be all three at once, in protean proportions. Lew looked up at the man's head (as opposed to where he and Cari were joined, which otherwise had his attention). Despite the fact that the ghost's muzzle-beak was firmly pointed in the direction of his lover, Lew had the sneaking suspicion that, at that moment, his eyes were on him.

Lew awkwardly raised his cup. "Uh... right on, brother," he said, confusedly. "You're, uh... you're definitely having sex, right now. Keep... keep up the good work?"

A second beak-muzzle, pointed in Lew's direction, grinned without moving. Then, in a flash, both of Cari's feet were in the air, as the ghost began to rapidly slam against her with a force that otherwise would have been audible from outside the room. Lew's eyes roved over every inch of the scene in front of him. The way Cari's whole body shook in waves, with each thrust, the pendulous swing of the ghost's fluffy, not fluffy, large, small and non-existent balls, the fact that, if he squinted, he could still see Cari on the other side of the ghost's body, her fur tamping down where they touch like she was being pressed against dark glass. He shuffled, nervously, as he tried to find a way to stand that didn't make his cock strain painfully against the fabric of his jeans. Biting his lip, he felt his free hand going for his fly. It would be fine, right? If he just...

Unfortunately for him, a sudden, sonorous cry broke his concentration. The ghost pressed forward with all the weight his weightless body could manage, hips twitching and spasming as his general facial area remained simultaneously open and closed in pleasure. Cari shivered beneath him, the sheets damp with her escaping arousal. Lew could see her sex, through the ghost's, saw the way it fluttered and clenched around its invader in wild ecstasy. Soon, the ghost pulled out, melting and reforming into the shape of a spent lover. His half-erect cock hovered lewdly over his recent conquest, Cari's juices rolling off of it like dew off a cold glass.

And then, slowly, the ghost began to become less clear. Wisps of smoke trailed off his heaving body, curling up towards the ceiling, and then eventually into the ceiling. Soon he became nothing but an outline, then a vague idea... before eventually, he was gone, leaving nothing but a frazzled, but deliriously satisfied coyote in his wake.

Cari laughed, almost drunkenly, as her head lolled over in Lew's direction. "You good?" she asked.

"W-why you asking me?" Lew looked away, blushing. "You're the one who just got fucked by a ghost."

"Yeah," Cari replied, looking up at the ceiling with a wistful sigh, before looking back. "Yeah, but... you look like you, uh... need to take care of something, there."

Lew's brow knit, in confusion. Then, he looked down, where his hand was on his crotch, fly half-undone. Muttering a panicked curse, he turned around to fix himself. "Fuck, fuck... I'm sorry, I..."

Cari chuckled. "Lew, relax." She leaned back in the bed, spreading herself out in her full, disheveled glory. "Pretty sure we're past the formalities, at this stage."

"No," Lew protested, with all the firmness he could muster. "No, we are definitely not at the 'jerking off over my boss while she's being f...'" He stopped himself, gave a noise partway between a sigh and a growl, and made for the door. "I'm gonna go? I'm gonna give you a bit to, like... afterglow or whatever? Call me when you're ready so we can get this mess cleaned up."

Cari nodded, at the back of the goat's retreating head. When she was alone, she gave a languid stretch and took a look around, with her unfocused eyes. "Thank you, spirits," she whispered, though she knew there were none in the room, anymore. "Don't mind the new kid; he'll get used to this."