Twas the Sex Before Christmas
Story by RazialDrakken on SoFurry
Disclaimer: I do not own the original poem. I have simply made a parody relating to furries. I figure this would be funny. Otherwise, please enjoy.
T’was the sex before Christmas
T’was the sex before Christmas and all through the house,
Every creature was breeding, even the mouse.
The stockings were hung on beans with the greatest of care,
In the hopes that a penis will soon be there.
The bottoms were all snugged in their beds,
As the vision of hot men dance in their heads.
Dad with his lobe and I with my strap,
Had just settled in for a long winter’s fap.
When out on the lawn, there arose such a laughter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window, I flew like a flash,
I tore open the shutter and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow.
Gave the lustre of midday to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a massive sleigh and eight hunky reindeer.
With a big old daddy driver, so lively, and thick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Dick.
More rapid than eagles, his courses they came,
And he whistled and shouted, and they obeyed by name:
“Fuck Dasher, Fuck Dancer, Fuck Prancer and Vixen
Mount Comet, Mount Cupid, mount Donner and Blitzen
To the top of the bottom to the top of a maw,
Now, fuck your way, fuck your way, fuck your way all!”
As dicks before a hot body, the cum will fly,
When they meet a hot furry, asses turn to the sky,
So up to the mounts the boys they flew,
In a sleigh full of bad dragon toys and St. Dick too
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and dancing of each gay hoof
As I drew in my head and turned around
Down the chimney, St. Dick came with a bound
His body was dressed in fur from his head to his foot,
His body and jockstrap were all tarnished with ashes and soot,
A bundle of bad dragon toys he had flung in his back,
And looked ready to be fucked by a wolf pack,
His eyes twinkled with lust, his dimples, how merry,
His Cheeks were like roses like he had been drinking Sherry,
His seductive little mouth was drawn up in a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as snow,
The stump of a weed pipe he held tight in his teeth,
The smoke was so thick it encircled his head like a wreath,
He had a handsome face and a little dad belly,
That shook when we fucked, like a bowl full of jelly,
He was chubby and plump for a dad, a right jolly old elf,
And I stared hungrily when I saw him in spite of myself,
A wink of his eyes and a rub of his head
Soon gave me to know I had to get him into bed,
He spoke not a word but went straight to work,
He filled my ass and gave me a holiday jerk,
After that laying a finger to the side of his nose
And giving a nod up the chimney, leaving me a rose,
He sprang to his sleigh and to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle,
I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
“Merry Sexmas to all and to all…a goodnight."