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Humanity; Lost

Chapter Nine

© Cederwyn Whitefurr

29th January, 2024

All Rights Reserved.

As Elara continued to share her warmth with Noel's nearly frozen body, her tears of relief spattering on his furred neck, he slowly began to revive. Elara could feel the slow thump of Noel's heart, initially feeble, slowly rise into a more normal rhythm within his chest. His breathing, once labored and erratic, steadied. Feeling the faint spark of life rekindled within him, Noel summoned every ounce of strength left within him.

“Elara," Noel rasped weakly, his breath fogging and voice barely audible.

Lost in her desperation and hugging him almost to the point where he feared her tight grip would prevent him from drawing breath, Elara's hope surged through her, mingled with the tears that slid down her cheeks.

“Noel," Elara whispered, torn between throttling him and kissing him. “You foolish, stubborn fool of a buck.

Elara climbed off him, then quickly pulled the clothing back together, a slight flush touching her icy cheeks as she hurriedly redressed.

It was awkward, Elara standing over him, her hands interlaced under his chest, as she half dragged and half carried his stiff body out from under the pine. With a visible sign of pain, Noel dragged his long feet sideways and spread them out at an angle as he struggled to stand. Taking a tentative crawl forward, Noel's legs wobbled, and he fell heavily with a moan of frustration and pain before he clawed at his hind legs.

With her gloved hands, Elara flexed Noel's ankles, then vigorously rubbed at the taut tendon on the back of each leg, trying to draw blood flow and warmth back into them.

“Get up..." Elara snapped at him, her breath coming in puffs of fog, as she slapped his sore, stiff legs and rubbed them again. “I'm not dragging you..."

Noel shuddered and again, stumbled to his feet, Elara clutching his paws between her gloved hands, giving him strength and support.

“I'm...so cold - “ Noel grunted, his breath equally foggy, his voice wracked with the life-sapping cold that settled over him.

“I know, my mate – now – please – try... for me?"

Drawing on what little strength and will Noel had left, he crawled a few paces, then tentatively hopped. Elara could see in his expression and the body language, how much pain he was in – but if he didn't fight – there was nothing she could do. He'd freeze to death before she returned to her cottage and summoned help. Seeing her expression and sharing it, Noel shivered, then shook himself, forcing himself forward even if he had to crawl.

*

Desperation clung to the air like a suffocating shroud, and the biting cold seemed to gnaw at their very souls. Noel's weakened state was evident as he struggled to keep up, his movements labored, and his body shivering violently. Once a serene landscape, now, to Noel and Elara, felt like an endless, treacherous expanse of white death.

Together, they stumbled and frequently fell, through the snowy landscape. Each step felt like a lifetime, each breath burned his throat and lungs with the abysmal cold. Elara forced a path the best should could, yet progress was excruciatingly slow. Yet with Elara's love, and often cruel and forceful actions – like pulling at Noel's ears when he slumped onto the ground, forcing him to get up again – the two of them at last, come within sight of the cottage. The smell of wood smoke from the chimney was a promise of life-giving warmth for their nearly frozen bodies.

Their struggle against the relentless elements had driven both humans and buck to the very edge of exhaustion and defeat. Noel, on the brink of collapse, relied on sheer willpower to endure – but even that flagged as he collapsed halfway across the frozen ground, the ramp seeming to be an insurmountable mountain he couldn't climb.

Noel's last reserves...

Faltered...

With a thud, he tipped forward and fell limply onto the frozen ground.

Their journey, a test of their survival and love, unfolded as Elara, exhausted, pushed herself back to her feet, then gripped Noel around the arms.

“You're not giving up, and neither am I..." Elara snarled, using her fury and grief to give her the strength she needed, as she started to drag his unconscious form towards the stairs. “Stupid, foolish buck -"

Each word was accompanied by Elara's grunt, as she dragged him closer and closer, her strength leeched from her body, despite the layers of thick, warm clothes. Inch by inch, she backed closer, finally feeling the snow-covered ramp under her heels as she grunted and pulled his limp weight. At last, she slumped against the door and let his body fall onto the patio, as she panted heavily. With shaking fingers, she opened the door and began once more, dragging Noel's body inside.

In the desperate fight, Elara mustered her last strength to drag his almost lifeless body into her bedroom. Stripping the blankets from her bed, she covered him completely, before returning and closing the front door and rushing back to him. Shedding her clothing down to the bare skin, Elara pulled away the blankets and lay once more upon Noel, awkwardly pulling the thick blankets over them both and holding him tight.

“Don't you dare give up on me now you bastard - “ Elara shuddered, feeling how cold his body had become.

Elara's struggle against hypothermia that gripped Noel, demanded urgency. Her body, naked against his fur, tried to spread as much of her body warmth as she could into his form. Her blankets provided additional warmth, and the fireplace out in the living room added yet another layer.

Elara slipped her arms around Noel, pulling him tight, seeking skin-to-fur contact. It was a gesture both primal and tender, a fight that Elara was determined she would win.

As the wind swirled and howled, casting clattering snowflakes against the frosted glass, Elara kept her fingers pressed tight into Noel's throat, feeling the reedy pulse of his heartbeat against her fingers. She whispered quiet words of love and comfort into his left ear, struggling to warm him again. Her thick blankets soon had her feeling like she was about to sweat, but her suffering was tolerated, as she hugged him tighter and tighter, pressing her face against his shoulder.

“Fight for me Noel," Elara murmured. “Fight, like you've never fought before...please?"

*

Elara woke to the sensation of a warm, slick tongue licking her face. With a startled gasp, she snapped her head up, and Noel grunted and pulled his muzzle away, just avoiding getting accidentally headbutted.

“Well, this is...awkward - “ Noel nervously swallowed, his body intertwined with Elara's, his paws around her ribs and holding her firmly.

“Wha...who – Noel?" Elara gasped, coming fully awake.

He flicked an ear and licked her cheek, his love and adoration shining in his eyes – eyes Elara saw, were back to their beautiful deep brown and kindly gaze.

“You're...alive? I..." Elara began, then quivered and her blush ran up her cheeks, turning them a light pink.

Noel gave a lopsided grin and shuddered, then snorted playfully. “First time you've fallen asleep on me..."

He raised his eyebrows, tilting his head to look down, then right way back up as he licked her forehead.

“I don't know if I should be relieved – or insulted..." Noel snickered. “It was one way to help warm me up..."

Elara's blush reached her hairline before she pulled his head close, her lips pressed against him, silencing any further conversations between them.

*

Alex crawled out of the shared bedroom with Becky, yawning and blearily eyed, before he paused and instinctively stiffened, his ears rotating as he sniffed the air. Becky, dressed in a mid-thigh nightgown, followed him before she frowned and looked at the nervously quivering Alex, her eyes gazing around for the cause of his discomfort before she gasped and blushed, quickly moving to close Elara's bedroom door and standing before Alex, before she crouched down and took his paws in her hands.

“Easy, easy - “ Becky murmured, holding Alex's gaze. “I didn't expect to see him either – let alone – that! Yet...we've got to...all of us...find a way to move forward, to heal, and learn to be a family, you understand?"

Alex blinked, his gaze torn between the closed bedroom door and Becky's earnest eyes. Slowly, the tension in his body didn't immediately ease, but her soothing words and the warmth of her touch on his paws began to have a calming effect.

Becky continued to speak gently, her voice quiet. “Elara loves both of you deeply, Alex. I know its a lot to take in - “

Alex's widening eyes and as he flattened one ear, Becky laughed nervously, at her own purely innocent words inadvertently having a completely different meaning.

“Sorry, poor choices - “ Becky nervously smiled at Alex. “We're in this together. We need a way to heal, for Elara's sake – and your own."

Becky settled onto her knees, continuing to maintain eye contact with Alex.

“Noel regrets his past, and he's trying to make amends. I can not pretend to even try to imagine how you feel, but I want you to know we're here for you. Whatever you need to say, or do, we'll face it together – my..."

Alex's whiskers twitched, the only sign he was truly listening to her.

“My...mate," Becky whispered, then placed her hands on either side of his cheeks and kissed him deeply and passionately.

Becky's supportive demeanor and her genuine love and concern started to chip away at Alex's initial guardedness. When they broke the kiss, he let out a deep sigh, his body visibly relaxing as the tension drained from him.

“...I... ot orgive..." Alex struggled. “...an ot..."

Becky frowned, struggling to comprehend, as Alex glanced away, then pointed at the door, then back at Becky, using his body language and gaze to convey meaning.

With a nod, she stroked his ears. “Forgiveness takes time, Alex. It's a process, not a switch. Let's take it one step at a time. We can start by talking, understanding each other's perspectives, and figuring out how we move forward. Elara wouldn't want us to be torn apart – she couldn't bear it. She loves Noel, and he – her. Yes, he broke her heart, you never met him until the other..."

Alex remained still as stone, gazing up at Becky from his crouched position on the floor.

“Elara loves you – you're her son, nothing will ever change that. I know she did the best she could, raising you – can you please find it in your heart – to try? For her? Please?"

Alex's whiskers twitched, and one ear barely flicked, before he shivered and gave a nervous nod.

Becky smiled and gave his paws a reassuring squeeze. “We'll find a way through this, together. Okay?"

Alex tenderly nuzzled her shoulder in acceptance.

*

Becky lay on the couch, Alex snuggled with his back against her, his chin laying on a forearm, as she lovingly stroked his belly. It'd been three hours since Becky had shut the door, the fire crackling as it consumed a new log Becky had added. Alex's body twitched and one ear flicked, as he must have sensed the pressure change, as Elara's door opened. His movement alerted Becky, who turned her head to see a flushed Elara tighten her robe sash around herself.

“Morning," Elara murmured.

“Good morning - “ Becky tipped a wink at Elara, whose blush grew worse.

Alex half rose, twisting his upper body around, as he grunted at his mother, acknowledging her presence.

“Good morning to you too Alex," Elara smiled, then rubbed at her eyes and tried to stifle a yawn.

Closing the door to her bedroom, Elara came and sat down on the couch, clasping her hands in her lap.

“Alex," Elara began, her voice carrying empathy and worry. “I know this will be incredibly difficult, for you – for me – for all of us. Noel is – I'll be honest. He nearly died out there, if I hadn't found him, gods know how I found him – we'd have lost him forever. He's very malnourished, weak and exhausted. As I've said, we can not let the past, dictate our future. Noel is – trying – in his way, to make amends, not only with me... but with you. Please, can you – at least try to meet him halfway?"

Alex's eyes shifted to Elara, a swirl of emotions in his body language and eyes. Elara held her breath as Alex grew still, a single whisker twitching on his furred cheek. Becky maintained her silence, her eyes glancing down at Alex, then across to Elara, silently urging them to find common ground in the pain that threatened to divide them.

Releasing her breath, then taking another, Elara leaned forward, her sincerity and belief radiating from her very presence. “I'm not asking you to forgive him, or forget, overnight. I just hope, in time, you can truly find it in your heart to see your father, through my eyes. We want a chance – all of us – to be a family together. To move forward, not letting the shadows of the past define us."

Alex remained still, his chest barely rising and falling, as he drew shallow breaths. His facial expression and ears betrayed nothing to Elara, about his thoughts.

Forgive? Forgive him, who has done that to our people? Who abandoned my mother, when she found out she was pregnant? Denied me knowledge of his existence for twenty-three years, when he could.. he could have warned my mother, warned _ me _ of what may happen? Helped me when I was scared, in a form not my own...How can I forgive all of this...

A single whisker twitch betrayed Alex's emotions, yet neither Elara nor Becky seemed to notice.

Elara rose, then stepped closer, reaching out to lightly touch his forearm in a compassionate, gentle brushing of her fingers.

“We can talk whenever you're ready, Alex. Just know, that I love you, and I want us – all – of us, to find a way, to be a family, regardless of how long it may take."

Elara's words hung in the air, uncertainty and hope intermingled with the mixed scents from Elara's body, of the sweet, gentle scents of Elara, and the deeper, slightly earthy, and musky scent of his father.

*

Days passed, and the tension gradually eased as Alex tentatively reached out to his father, Noel. Sensing more through Alex's body posture, his nervousness, and genuine attempts to bridge the gap, Noel, in turn, gave him plenty of time and space.

As winter gave birth to spring, Alex finally found a semblance of happiness, returning to his playful sparring sessions with Noel. The two of them grew comfortable in each other's presence. One early evening, Noel gently nuzzled Alex's neck, glanced away, then looked back at him. Alex twitched, stealing a glance at Becky and Elara. Subsequently, he and his father quietly hopped away into the gathering twilight together.

“What was that about - “ Becky frowned, watching the two kangaroos until they vanished into the shadows.

“I think," Elara pondered. “Noel needs to talk with his young son... a very important talk – if you get my meaning."

Becky frowned, then her eyes widened and she clasped her hands to her mouth. “Oh... oh... oh no, not...we're not... you know, he's never..."

Elara laughed softly, gently petting Becky's thigh. “You've never – the two of you?"

“No... Slept together? Yes, but slept together? No, never... I mean, I love him, but I don't... I can't even..."

Elara smiled and moved over to sit beside Becky, placing a comforting arm around the young woman's shoulder.

“Mayhaps we should talk, ourselves..."

*

Noel lay down, crossing one long leg over the other, then folding his forearms comfortably, as he partially sat up, watching as Alex frittered about, nervous and awkward, before he finally lay down, facing his father.

“I brought you here," Noel began, his voice quiet and respectful. “We need to talk, buck to buck. I won't lie to you my son, or hide the truth of...what we are. I know you love Becky, and she loves you as much as she can. A love like that is a beautiful, precious flower – delicate and fragile."

Alex flicked an ear, listening quietly.

“Now, however, love amongst us is... difficult – not only physiologically, but – because – of what we are. Now, kisses, sensual moments and such, are perfectly fine. Please, I beg of you, never make the mistake I did. By all means, love her, cherish her, smother her in kisses and licks. I know how soft our tongues are. What we lack in our paws – we can make up for in other ways. Treat the one you love, your mate, with kindness, gentleness, and compassion."

Noel pondered for a moment, placing his splayed-out fingers against his chin; a distinctly human-like gesture as he thought how to word what he needed to say.

Noel sighed, his gaze fixed on the horizon as he began a conversation he knew he had to have with Alex. “Son, there's something important we need to discuss."

Alex, sensing the tenseness of his father's body, turned his attention to Noel, his ears pricking.

Noel continued, in a quiet, gentle voice. “You need to understand why certain things are different for us. Why – we can not have children, the same way as humans do. It goes back to my past, my youth, a choice that inadvertently affected you."

As Noel unfolded the story of his past, Alex, visibly disturbed, but staying where he lay, listened intently. Noel explained the circumstances of their shared existence and how the choices he had made with Elara had consequences for their lineage.

“Alex, your ability to have offspring would carry something I would not wish upon anyone," Noel explained, his voice heavy with regret. “It's a part of our history, our story, that we need to be aware of and cautious about. I wouldn't want you to unknowingly pass on what was unintentionally passed on to you."

Alex absorbed the weight of Noel's words, realizing what subtle, hidden meaning his father meant.

“You can never have a child – not with Becky..." Noel glanced away, the words hanging heavy between them.

Alex's lips parted, his eyes widening.

“Wait - “ Come the startled grunt from the elder buck, before he looked deep into his son's eyes, his own slowly widening. “You've never..."

Alex shuddered and looked away, his ears slicked back and his body language speaking, before he could.

“..ever... ecky - “

Noel climbed to all fours, then gently nuzzled Alex, trying to comfort and settle the frustrated and confused young buck.

“Well, that complicates things," Noel said, nuzzling Alex tenderly. “As I mentioned, we can be intimate with our mates, but must avoid sharing that particular aspect, like husband and wife, you understand? There are... other considerations. I trust Becky understands, and if not, you can help her to grasp the situation. She's an intelligent young woman. I'm proud of you Alex. You've chosen a beautiful, sweet, and gentle mate – a perfect companion to share your life with. I wish both of you, many years of happiness together."

As Noel concluded his earnest conversation with Alex, the night air hung heavy with a mixture of revelation and understanding, that passed from father to son. With a tender nuzzle, Noel sought to comfort Alex, recognizing the heavy weight of responsibility he had just imparted. Alex, still grappling with his lineage and the knowledge he'd never father children, despite his and Becky's heartfelt desire for such, remained silent.

A gentle rustle of the forest leaves and the quiet sounds of nature provided a natural transition, enveloping the pair in a silent cocoon of contemplation. Noel's eyes, a reflection of his own emotions, held a serene acceptance, a recognition of the cycles of life, and the knowledge his lineage would pass with his son.

A warm breeze caressed their fur, as if the universe itself beckoned them both, towards the next chapter of their lives. Noel, maintaining his posture on all fours, looked deep into Alex's eyes, his gaze a silent invitation of the familial bond he extended towards his only offspring.

Alex, subdued and starting to cry, suddenly wrapped his paws around his father's neck, Noel holding him tight and placing a paw against Alex's head, feeling the hot, wet tears against his chest fur and just holding his son close.

For an hour, Alex's grief consumed him, until at last, his tears stopped and Alex pulled back, wiping at his cheeks with the backs of his paws. Noel gently took his son's paws in his again, gazing down at him with a look of sympathy and love.

“I am sorry my son, for what I done to you, and what I have shared. I can see it in you, your desire – your wish, to have a child of your own, alas, for us, it was never meant to be. My heart grieves for you, Alex. Truly, but I beg of you, do not make the mistake I made. Be the better buck – than I was...please?"

Alex trembled before he lifted his muzzle, and Noel gently cupped his son's chin between his paws, lovingly licking away the last vestiges of his salty tears.

“...I...promise - “ Alex murmured, finally, and truly, finding his voice at last.

*

A month passed since the poignant conversation between father and son, and the weight of that moment lingered in Alex's heart and mind. One night, as he found solace in Becky's warm embrace, he nuzzled her gently.

“Becky," Alex whispered, his voice laden with affection and a touch of sadness.

Becky, sensing the shift in Alex's vocal tone and mood, tightened her embrace around him. “What's on your mind, love?"

Alex took a breath, inhaling the sweet scent of her, “There's something important I need to talk to you about."

Becky propped herself up on an elbow, concern spreading across her features. “You can tell me anything, my dear, sweet buck. What's bothering you?"

Alex hesitated for a moment, then began to speak quietly. “Becky, I love you more than anything. You mean the world to me, and the thought of spending my life with you brings me unimaginable joy. Yet..."

His voice cracked, and Alex frowned, before rubbing his furred throat and coughing softly.

Becky's eyes widened further, surprise and concern alternating in her expression. “Alex, you're starting to worry me. What is it?"

Taking another deep breath, Alex spoke, even softer than before, lightly nuzzling against the top of her right breast. “It's...deeply personal. Something that Noel... explained to me. He helped me understand. A second side to... what I am. I can't have children. If I spread this curse to another, it'd destroy me. I can not bear the thought of passing this on to another generation, as Noel passed it on to me. I'd never be able to live with myself if our child had to face what I also have."

Expecting tears, anger, or anything, Becky's expression shifted from concern to understanding as she thought through Alex's revelation.

“My love, my...mate..." Becky began, and then a shiver ran through her, making Alex nervous. “I've been meaning to tell you something – for some time, but it was never the right place or the right time..."

Alex's mind reeled, the ice-cold touch of his fear squeezing his heart mercilessly. Becky swallowed the lump in her throat before a single tear slid down her cheek and dripped onto his forehead.

“Alex – my love, my mate – my whole life, I wanted children. I know you did as well – but I only found out a few weeks after..."

With a wave of her hand, she gestured at Alex.

“After all this – happened – there's a... I know how sensitive you are, so I need to choose my words carefully. It's alright my love, we can... share ourselves. I've found out, that I can not conceive a child. My doctor explained it all to me, there is some damage to my ovaries."

As Becky's words hung between them, revealing her infertility, a heavy silence settled over their shared bedroom. Alex's heart, already burdened under his revelation, now shared the weight of Becky's sorrow. He licked away her tears with a gentle sweep of his tongue, offering her warmth and comfort in his gentle way.

“Becky," Alex murmured, his voice filled with compassion for his mate. “I had... no idea. I'm so sorry you've carried this burden alone."

Becky managed a weak smile through her tears. “It's not your fault, love. Life has its twists and turns. We have each other, don't we?"

Alex nodded, appreciating the strength in Becky's resilience. “We do..."

Becky gently rolled Alex onto his back, his thick, heavy tail laying between his legs, as she gently lay herself down on him, her breasts lightly brushing his furred cheeks. Alex looked up at her, his eyes widening in surprise and more than a little nervousness.

“Shhh," Becky soothed him, gazing into his eyes as she stroked his ears, the other hand lightly sliding down his belly. “I know, you've never..."

Alex quivered, his love and trust in his mate filling him, as his tense body relaxed and began to respond to her feather-like touches.

“Becky - “ Alex whispered, seeking affirmation.

Becky responded with a nod, her eyes filled with warmth and love, and a shared yearning between them. Slowly, cautiously, she drew her hips closer, Alex's quivering fur betraying his marsupial fear he couldn't suppress.

“You said you loved me - “ Becky tender stroked his left ear, from tip to cup with a fingertip. “Let me share myself with you..."

Their intimacy unfolded like a delicate dance, built on love, trust, and the shared understanding of their combined personal struggles...

*

Noel and Elara lay on the couch, Noel's head resting on Elara's lap, as she tenderly stroked his chest, the two lovers taking a moment between them for the simplest of pleasures – the warmth and reassurance of each other's unspoken bond.

When Alex's loud, piercing squeal rang out, quickly muffled, Elara startled and Noel snickered, placing a paw lightly on Elara's forearm gently.

“It's alright - “ Noel looked up at her, as he raised an eyebrow in a meaningful way. “Our son is truly a man..."

A deep flush ran up Elara's neck, all the way to her hairline, as Noel's quiet words filtered through her mind.

*

Becky and Alex next spoke of what transpired that night, but the gentle smiles and knowing glances that passed between Becky and Elara spoke more than words ever could...

*

Two months after Becky and Alex shared their love, the cottage truly became a home.

Laughter and playfulness filled the cottage, Noel often fabricating some wild, fanciful tale to help pass the time, entertaining and enthralling his audience. Truly, they had finally bonded as a family...

Until they weren't...

*

Alex noticed his father growing more and more restless, he watched him, as Noel would spend increasingly longer periods out on the patio, or in the backfield, grappling with some powerful, unspeakable weight that was slowly wearing this proud, noble, and dominant buck down little by little, each night.

Alex confided in his mother, worried for Noel's well-being, but even Elara herself had noticed the subtle changes. Neither of them brought it up, but continued to watch, until one fateful night...

On this fateful evening, as the serene quietness enveloped the land, Noel found solace in the moonlit night. Elara and Becky sat nearby, their expressions a mix of confusion and concern. Alex, his senses heightened, felt the gravity of his father's contemplation.

Noel, usually a beacon of warmth and love, stood beneath the moon with heavy and pensive eyes. As if in communion with the celestial body, he whispered words that seemed to transcend mortal understanding. The weight on Noel's shoulders seemed insurmountable, and the air hummed with the sound of insects – and otherworldly energy.

“Alex, my son," Noel's voice carried a melancholic tone. “I have been granted a gift, a gift I can not accept. So, I give it freely to you, my son. Approach, please."

Tentatively, Alex crawled towards his father, the tension palpable in every movement. Noel embraced his son, the small kangaroo feeling the weight of an extraordinary gift given in trust and love. Noel's eyes offered a choice, his gaze revealing the painful truth, the depths of his sacrifice.

“My soul will not permit me to use this gift. I have longed and sought redemption, through you all – I have found such. Yet this gift, a one-time offering, I say, nay. I will not take what is offered, for my soul, as I have said, would never permit me. Alex, with this touch..."

Alex gasped, feeling something pass between his father and himself, as Noel placed a paw lightly on Alex's forehead.

“Do I give this gift to you, my son."

A true wish...

Alex felt it unfurl throughout his mind, spreading to every cell in his body. He looked up, tears welling in his eyes, as the mental implications of what his father truly sacrificed in this moment, struck him.

“Stay as you are," Noel intoned, his body quivering and seeming to draw into itself, his intent and heart pure for the first time in decades beyond recall. “learn from me... or...return to what you were, be with the one you love, more than life itself."

Elara's eyes widened, and Becky gasped, their reactions mirroring Alex's internal turmoil. Tears flowed down his cheeks as he glanced over his shoulder at Becky. As the silvery moonlight danced on his fur, casting shadows that mirrored the conflict within his marsupial heart.

Alex trembled, feeling the power within him, one true wish bestowed from father to son. Noel, with tear-streaked eyes, seemed to draw strength from his son, as he rose to his full height, holding Alex's paws gently.

Noel's final, commanding words echoed into the night.

“Choose..."

END