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I'll never forget that day. That sweltering heat mixed with a drowning humidity. I still can feel the heat of the asphalt underneath my knees burning into fur and flesh. I remember the crowd gathering, a din of noise muffled by the seizing pain that gripped me to the point of stillness. Time slowed to a crawl as my mind raced to grasp what had occurred. I tried to speak at some point, but nothing came out. My voice had withdrawn to some undetermined place, maybe never to return. Of course, it returned long enough for me to let loose a blood-curdling cry which filled the dusky sky and shook the ground beneath me, or maybe that was me shaking. I was informed later that the scream had emanated from my own muzzle. I still wonder if such a sound could have possibly come from me.

I remember holding him. His body limp in my arms. My forepaws soaked with his blood. His body twisted in horrific, unbelievable fashion. His angelic face surprisingly unblemished. His eyes closed as if in a deep slumber. The smell, now that too I remember. The smell of blood, sweat, tears. The smell of him as I held him close. His beautiful golden hair now stained with crimson streaks. The tears on his face, my own tears as they fell from me in torrents. His lips, still soft and full as I kissed them lovingly for the last time. The last time...

I suppose I should tell what happened from the beginning. I imagine if you have stuck with me thus far then you are genuinely curious about what happened to...him. Yes, him. The only fur I have ever loved. It has been 3 years today and I am no closer to moving on than I was when it happened.

You see I have never been good at talking to others. I am quite shy, which seems to contradict what others believe about Malamutes. While it is true that my breed is usually more friendly and talkative, I am one of the exceptions. I have always been timid and a bit melancholy. I don't smile much either. I like to think that I am more...contemplative? Anyway, enough about me, I guess I should stop stalling and begin...

It was the height of summer and I had just moved to a new city on the other side of the country from where I am from. It was quite a change. Everything was on such an enormous scale. The buildings seemed to tower over me, like giants looking down upon the insects they would surely soon crush. I won't lie and say I found my apartment building straight off. Actually, I got lost for at least two hours as I tried to look for this one specific building. You can probably guess that I come from a very small town. My parents moved there before I was born because they considered it "safer" to start a family there. If by safer they meant torturously boring and close-minded then I guess they were spot on. Hmm...angry digression does not suit me at all.

I finally found the correct building and was able to check in pretty easily, which I was thankful for seeing as I have been lugging around two suitcases, a large duffel bag, and my backpack this whole time. My room was more spacious than I had imagined seeing as rent here was somewhat cheaper than the surrounding buildings. I suppose I got lucky finding this place. It was close to the college I would be attending starting in the fall. I was excited, but also apprehensive. The reality of the situation set in as I explored my three room apartment; one bedroom, a bathroom, and the main living area with a kitchen separated by a bar. It was nice to finally have a place of my own and I settled in quickly. Most furs would probably go and explore the city on their first day, but me being who I am I pulled a barstool out onto the little balcony I have and sat down to do some reading. It was a glorious end to a frustrating day. This is exactly where I was when I first saw him.

It was late afternoon and I had been living in my new, yet poorly furnished residence for almost one week. I made it a sort of habit to read out on the balcony at this time and often looked forward to the solitude and escape it awarded. He stepped out onto the balcony one above and one over from mine. It was a much larger room obviously since the balcony itself was three times the size of the one I was currently reading on. I happened to hear yelling before a door slammed shut. I looked up and saw what I thought at the time to be the most beautiful fur I had ever seen. I was awestruck by the magnificence of his presence. The blonde of his fur made the dark grey of my own look dingy. Even the snowy fur on my stomach and muzzle paled in comparison to his radiance. His long ears laid back, swaying in the breeze. That intense look of sadness on his face made my heart sink. I kept wondering how such a beautiful creature could possibly be sad. Shouldn't everything be as perfect as he is?

The wind blew his shoulder length hair into his eyes and he reached up a forepaw to move the strands from his eyes. I marveled at the way his hair shone like spun gold. I felt a pain rise within my chest and I realized I had been holding my breath this whole time. I exhaled slowly and looked down at the book laying closed in my paws. The title, Through the Looking Glass, was quite striking at this moment in time for I felt as if I myself was looking into some unknown world at what I can only describe as something too wondrous to fully comprehend.

I must take a moment to clarify some things to those that are wanting to ask the obvious questions. First off at that time I had realized I was gay around 4 years before, though I decided to keep the fact under wraps until earlier that year before my high school graduation. I was the only fur in my area to be attracted to the same sex and as such knew I would be the target of plenty of ridicule after I came out. I happened to be correct but luckily I did not have to put up with too much before I was able to move. Also there have been some who believe that I may be over exaggerating about the looks of the rabbit that I am describing. I can speak about how wrong you are, about how everything seemed to shine around him and how heads always turned to stare as he passed. I could describe him in one hundred different ways, each one failing to truly capture the beauty that was him. Yet, you would still question me. Only those who have set eyes upon him may truly appreciate how far short my descriptions fall. That being said just know that to me, he was perfect. Now, where was I?

I cautioned another glance to find him looking back at me. Our eyes met and I felt my heart begin to pound in my chest. I felt the heat rising in my cheeks as our eyes remained locked on one another. I knew I should turn away so as not to come off as some sort of creeper, yet to do so would mean to lose sight of him which is something I was loathe to do. I saw the corners of his muzzle curl up into a smile and time seemed to slow to a crawl around me. I knew at that very moment that I had to talk to him. I had to meet him.

I fled my balcony and ran left my apartment heading for the stairs. I remember trying desperately to remember the location of my room so that I could find where he was. I stopped halfway up the stairs. That yelling I had heard when he first came out came to mind. If it was his mate I would just be making a fool of myself. Besides, why would I even kid myself into thinking that he would be interested in a fur like me? I mean, it is not that I find myself unattractive but I am far below him. I turned slowly and began my descent back to my room, slightly embarrassed that I had acted so hastily. Imagine my surprise when I heard a soft voice call for me to wait.

It was smooth as the finest silk. A voice that was as blessed as a hymn to my ears. I turned to see the silhouette of a rabbit standing there, beautiful green eyes sparkling in the dim light. I took a step forward just as he began to walk down towards me. My face grew heated as he came closer. He spoke softly, "I'm Skylar..." He blushed and giggled softly through a small smile. "And who might you be? I have never met a Malamute before..."

I was at a loss for words. I opened my muzzle to speak and am still ashamed to say that all I could muster was a stutter before spitting my name out awkwardly. "D-Damien." I still wish I had said more, but I suppose there is no reason to dwell on what cannot be changed. I was relieved when he giggled at my awkwardness. His smile deepening and setting my heart aflutter. He walked down slowly and I turned to follow as he passed.

"Well now, which one is yours?" He asked sweetly.

"3....314...."

"No need to be shy with me... I mean... I would rather you not be... I would really like someone to talk to..." He blushed and my heart fell as the sadness from earlier returned to his eyes.

"N-no! I mean... I don't mean to act shy, I just...we just met so I am just not sure what to say. I do happen to be a fantastic listener though." I tried to sound friendly and was relieved to see his eyes brighten. I led him to my room and showed him around my humble living space. "So... why did you want to see my place? How could you be positive I am not some kind of weirdo...?"

"I just knew! I mean, I saw only kindness behind those eyes. The way you looked at me out on the balcony... well... let's just say that I knew from the moment I saw you that I wanted to meet you." He blushed and smiled softly. I felt my cheeks burning as I stared into those deep emerald eyes. I felt myself being drawn forward by some unseen force. It was all I could do to resist the temptation to embrace him.

I took a step back and walked slowly towards the kitchen, "Want anything to drink? I don't really have much... water, some different flavors of tea. Any preference?"

"Water would be perfect!" His voice sang through my ears. I could not understand why this was happening. I have never been so infatuated with anyone before. Why was it so difficult to just be in the same room with him? I grabbed a couple of bottles and took a deep breath before turning around to face him, only he was no longer there. I must say I panicked a bit inside. I knew I had messed up on some level, but what was it that had run him off?

I jumped as I heard a soft sigh behind me. He spoke softly, almost as if to himself. "You know... I really hate living here. My parents always make me feel like a burden, my stupid brother hates me, and I have no one here to talk to... All of my friends live on the other side of the city..." He ran a paw through his hair, sorrow painting his face. I wanted to weep for him. I wanted to curse the world for wronging him. Most of all, I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to hold him in my arms, tell him that he had no more reason to be sad; that I was there and he would never be alone again.

I stepped out onto the balcony beside him. The wind carried the soft scent of lavender and cinnamon. I inhaled deeply, letting the wonderful aroma fill my nose, my muzzle tingling softly in pleasure. I looked over to see him smiling as he looked out over the city at the setting sun, the orange and pink of the sky created a background behind him that took my breath away. The wind blowing his beautiful hair into his eyes. I blushed as I realized that the intoxicating scent was him. I smiled back and he giggled, obviously noting the red showing through my fur. I spoke before I realized what I was saying, "Beautiful..." His blush caught me even more off guard. I knew he was about to run off, that I would never again see him. That was not the case.

Honestly this next part is something I hold dear. A memory that never ceases to bring joy to my heart as I recall it. His lips met mine with a fervor that seemed to be reserved for only the most intimate of lovers. My breath was stolen as my mind struggled to comprehend what was happening. My arms instinctively wrapped him into a tight embrace. I let myself give in to passion as I returned his kiss eagerly. His lips were velvet against mine. The warmth of his body coursed through me as I held him, dwarfing even the summer heat radiating from the sun beaming down on us. His forepaws gripped my shirt tightly as we continued our passionate exchange. The feelings that were rising up inside of me were a jumble that while now I am able to understand and sort through them, at the time I could not possibly have comprehended the extent of any certain one. Imagine a mixture of surprise and pleasure from the kiss, apprehension about kissing someone you just met, curiosity about where things would go from here, along with several other emotions that I am unable to truly verbalize; all of these wrapped in a newly blossoming love. Needless to say I was devastated when our lips parted. What must have been several minutes felt like a few short seconds as he pulled away, staring into my eyes with a look that to this day warms my very soul.

"That was... I mean you just..." I struggled for the proper words to say as he stared up at me. I felt an unfamiliar pull, like some force beyond my understanding urged me closer to him. Our lips met once more, our muzzles pressed tightly against one another as a breeze swirled around us. Once again my mind raced to grasp what I had this time initiated. This kiss was the same as the last which I must admit surprised me. I was a bit worried that he had gotten caught up in some emotional moment that would be as brief as the kiss itself. Yet, he again clung to me as if I was keeping him tied down whilst the entirety of his troubles struggled to whisk him away.

Again the kiss ended all too abruptly. We smiled at each other as our eyes locked on one another. My ears twitched curiously as I noticed a tear begin to creep down the soft fur of his cheek. I of course began to try and think of a way to calm him. What could he be upset about? Was it me? Was my own initiation of the kiss in some way unwanted? He seemed so... happy about it at first. I wiped the tear from his cheek and he nuzzled my forepaw softly. "Please don't be sad Skylar... or at least talk to me about it..." I blushed at the words spilling from my maw. I silently cursed my lack of tact as once again I acted against my usual manner.

"I think we should go inside. I feel like I owe you an explanation for all of this." He led me to the old couch I had bought just the day before and we sat down in silence. He then began speaking fluidly, as if we had been friends for years. He regaled me with his somber past of verbal abuse at the paws of his older brother. Of how his parents were apathetic to his situation as the only concern they had was whether or not he was glorifying the family name. His family was quite wealthy and his parents were often overseas for one reason or another. When not in school he would travel with them, though that had become increasingly rare since he entered high school. Now that he was about to begin college, he knew that he would rarely see them. His brother resented Skylar's popularity, as well as his sexuality. Skylar and his brother, Maximillian, were once very close. Maxi had become more distant as the two aged and now seemed to enjoy picking on his brother. I held Skylar close as he began having difficulties telling me about his past. I whispered reassurances in his ear as the night crept up on us. We parted with no minor difficulty on my part. I did not want him to go, yet who was I to ask him to stay? Thinking back I wish I had asked him, for now I know he would have happily agreed.

The next few months went by in a flash. During the day I attended classes, while I spent my nights with Skylar. I realized I had fallen for him relatively fast. We stayed up late talking as I held him close to me. We would kiss and cuddle for hours on end, sometimes in silence as the sounds of the city serenaded us. My thoughts were always of him. My studies were more focused than ever, all so I could spend more time with him by not falling behind. It was on the eve of Christmas that we took the next step in our relationship.

We exchanged gifts and I cooked for the both of us. Thinking back I am unable to recall whether or not the food I prepared was actually good, or if his company just made it so. After eating we retired to the balcony. I held him close as I always do, yet that night something about him was different. I stared down at him, enjoying the reflection of the holiday lights off of his fur. His ears were tied together with a bow and I stroked them with a paw. Skylar suddenly looked up at me. Our lips met and my breath was once more stolen from me. I felt his forepaws begin to travel down my stomach, reaching between my legs and caressing my growing bulge gently. I blushed but did not pull away. It was he who pulled away. The look in his eyes made me shiver. I knew then that I was the only one in his thoughts.

Skylar led me by my forepaw into the bedroom. He pulled me gently into another kiss as he pushed me down onto the bed. His lips travelled down my neck, kissing softly and causing me to shiver once more. My thick fur seemed to stand on end at his touch. He tugged my shirt up and over my head before continuing his trail of kisses down my chest and stomach. Before I knew it my jeans had been pulled off and I lay there naked in front of him. My growing arousal fully bare and he blushed as he looked upon me, causing me to blush in turn.

That night, we became one in our love for each other. We melted into each other's arms as the world passed us by. Nothing mattered but the two of us. The smell of sweat and sex filled the air, driving us on as I took him again and again. I seemed to melt into him and his moans were as sweet as any song you could ever hear. His squeals of delight as I drove into him, my own moans making him blush as he tended to me. I even remember the taste of him as I tended to his needs. He was as sweet as the ripest fruit as I took him into my own maw. I savored every inch of him and I honestly do not remember how many times we both climaxed before I finally tied him.

I was nervous at first, as just penetrating him seemed to cause him an intense amount of pain. I got lost in the moment as he got used to me inside of him and in the end I released myself into him. My knot swelled and he was locked together with me for the next few hours. He blushed and kissed me in the middle of my apology. He then whispered something into my ear. My face burned and my tail wagged furiously as I felt tears sting my eyes. My voice came out broken as I struggled to catch my breath. "I love you too..." With that, we became lovers. He was mine and I was his. We gave our hearts to each other and no other fur would ever pull us apart. I was the happiest collie in the world.

Now, I must take a moment to collect my thoughts. For now is when I skip to the end of my recollection. I am afraid that if I do not go ahead and tell this portion that I will render myself unable to continue at all. These memories are deeply painful for me to remember, no matter how dear they are to me. I will fill in any gaps so that you will not be lost among the weaves of time as I skip ahead a little over one year. I will do what I can to get through this without breaking down, but please just hang in there if I do.

It was a hot morning. My air conditioner had gone out a few days before and the parts to fix it had yet to arrive. Skylar had spent the night in his own apartment, much to my own dismay. His relationship with his brother had become increasingly worse over the almost two years I had known him. His brother, Kyle, had become quite familiar with the taste of cheap liquor and was an innately mean spirited drunk. I tired of seeing Skylar on the verge of tears so I confronted Kyle about the way he treated his younger brother. It had been on the one day that I got out of class earlier than Skylar. I knocked sternly on the door, for I was determined to end this mistreatment, and was surprised when a young mare answered the door.

She was slight of build, yet obviously still retained the powerful quality held by most equines. Her long dark brown hair was braided and reached down to the top of her waist. She was quite pretty, with hazel eyes that held a sort of flirtatious gaze as she gave me the once over. "May I help you?" She asked, flicking her tail curiously.

"I'm sorry, I thought someone else lived here..." I chuckled awkwardly and stepped back to leave as she spoke again.

"Umm I don't live here, so if you are looking for Kyle you have the right place. Of course if you are looking for me then I wouldn't mind that at all!" She gave a lusty chuckle and winked. Needless to say I was caught off guard.

"Umm..."

"Dana, who the hell is at the... Oh, if it isn't my little bro's boy toy. What do you want Damien? Skylar isn't here."

Dana gave me a slightly disappointed look before walking back into what must have been the living room. I took a deep breath to still my nerves before staring stoically at Kyle. "Kyle, I would like to talk a bit about Skylar."

"What about him? What are you wanting to ask my permission for his hand or something? Shit man you two have been together for over a year now. You think I give a shit about what he does?"

"That is just it. You obviously do care otherwise you wouldn't treat him like trash. He does nothing to you! Yet almost every night he sheds tears because of something you said to him! I am sick of it. You have no reason to mess with him! I mean, look at yourself. You perpetually smell of alcohol, you're a total slob, you go through women like a chain-smoker goes through cigarettes. You are failing all of your courses. How the hell do you have any right to say anything to him, when you don't even have your own shit together? Seriously... he is your brother. You treat him so horribly, yet for some reason he still loves you. Why can't you just leave him be?"

"You finished mutt?" Kyle spoke with an almost uninterested tone. His eyes looked around as if trying to find something to keep his attention. I remember noticing how large his eyes seemed at the time.

"Are... are you on drugs? Seriously?! What the hell?! That is it. Skylar is moving in with me. He deserves to come home to somewhere safe. I will come get his stuff later. I would try to be scarce if I were you Kyle. I can't promise I will hold back if you say something to him in..." The pain was blinding. I stumbled back against the wall behind me. Kyle had a pretty decent right hook.

"You fucking threatening me? Huh, you stupid mutt? Take the fag. No one cares! That little shit has caused nothing but problems for this family! Our parents don't even speak to us anymore. They are ashamed of him, and of me by association! If I would have known things would have turned out like this I would have kicked him out long ago! Our parents would rather see him dead than have to look at hm. Fucking shameful! Tell you what, I will throw all of his shit out here, that way you can take it all without stepping foot in my apartment." With that he slammed the door in my face. My thoughts were of how I was going to explain this to Skylar. Turns out he took it quite well.

Skylar had been living with me for the past 6 months. It was a wonderful time and we were both very happy. It was the most wonderful feeling to be able to come home to him every day. We were in our own little world, completely ignorant of what was going on around us. This fact I have come to regret more and more each day. If I had only been more aware, I would have noticed the reoccurring police visits to Kyle's apartment. I might have even noticed Dana's beaten and bloodied face as she passed me in the hall, but my mind was elsewhere and I did not even realize she had passed me.

We had just sat down to eat when a knock grabbed our attention. Kyle had come to apologize for how he had been acting. Apparently Skylar's mother had become very sick, a fact which Kyle used to stress the fact that the two needed to mend their relationship so their mother could remember them as one happy family. I reluctantly agreed when Skylar said he would be staying the night with his brother in order to be there if anything happened.

Things had gone relatively well the night before. Skylar said that Kyle had made dinner and they looked through an album of themselves as kits. Obviously they had been very close at one point in time. Kyle had admitted that he had overreacted about Skylar being gay and that he would like to get to know me since I was dating his little brother. Of course I was happy to get to know him, and we had plans for all three of us to go that weekend to visit their mother, as well as to introduce me to the family. I went about my day as normal. Skylar came down for breakfast and we cuddled a bit before I left for class. I was trying to speed up my graduation so summer classes were a must. I left that morning whistling happily as my love waved goodbye. Classes went well and I had a good fifteen minute break before my last two classes, during which I decided to call and speak with my mate. Kyle answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Kyle, where is Skylar? May I speak with him?"

"Y-yeah... J-just let me...let me go...and get him."

My ears twitched curiously. Kyle's voice was slurred and I thought I heard yelling in the background. "Damien?"

"Skylar! Hey babe. Everything ok?"

"Umm... yeah everything is fine! Kyle is just having a bit of a hard time. He is not acting up though." Something in his voice chilled me, though at the time I could not understand what.

"It sounds like he has been drinking. I thought he stopped that?"

"Well he had a few... but I got him to stop and I think he is sobering up some. I poured the bottle out and made him drink some water. So he is calming down."

"Ok sweetheart. Look just be careful ok? I may be after dark by the time I get home tonight. I will see you then. I love you."

"I love you too Damien... always." The phone went silent and I pocketed the device before heading to my next class.

My mind was attentive for a while, yet as the lecture on neurotransmitters lingered on I could not help but reflect on the conversation from earlier. Something kept nagging me, like an itch in the back of my mind. Kyle had been drinking, and that had to have been him yelling. I swear he had said something about something being someone's fault. Why did Skylar sound like he had been crying? Why... Something snapped into place in my head. Kyle had blamed Skylar for the trouble they had with their parents. He blamed Skylar for their parents being inattentive. He had become violent at one point and I had to step in. I had never hit anyone so hard, but I had to protect Skylar. What if Kyle had gone back to that? What if this whole thing was just a lie so that he could hurt Skylar?

I packed my things and excused myself from class, much to my professor's disapproval. I ran the entire way to my apartment building. My mind racing as I sprinted as fast as my canine legs would take me. If Kyle had harmed Skylar, there would be hell to pay. I promised myself that much. I rounded the corner and looked up as I heard the crash. The shattering sound that only glass could create. My whole world stood still.

I watched him falling. The waning sunlight shimmering off of his beautiful blonde fur. His golden hair glistening around his face. I tried to move. I screamed for my legs to move faster, yet they held steady as if embedded in the cement beneath me. I could do nothing but scream his name as he hit the asphalt below in a spray of blood. My head pounded. My heart felt like it had been ripped from my chest. I struggled to take a step, my legs now working to some degree. Each step took more effort than the last. I do not know how long it took me to reach him, all I remember is him hitting the ground then me picking his body up. I cradled him in my arms. I felt my world falling apart piece by piece. The light of my soul slowly faded away with the light in his eyes. It hurt so much... I kissed him once more before breaking down. They told me they pulled me away from his body. I was told I went insane when I saw Kyle. I tried to kill him before the police could take him away. I don't remember any of that. Just a sunset blurred by tears and his face... his peaceful, loving face...

I remember waking up after that. Every day I wished to die. I tried to end my own meaningless existence a dozen times before realizing the futility of the endeavor. I gave up on living. I dropped out of school, stopped speaking to anyone, and allowed myself to waste away. I would be dead by now, yet he is the reason I am not. I happened across a gift he had given me; the ring I wear on my left. A ring that when he gave me, he told me that we would be together forever. He told me that no matter what, I was to pursue my dreams and achieve my goals. He said that he would always be there to... support me. I'm sorry... I... can't....

The small Australian shepherd sighed as he looked down at the grave in front of the Malamute. He hid his own tears of sadness for the plight of this newly met stranger. This fur had loved someone so dearly, yet had lost that person. "I'm so sorry... I should never have asked what happened Damien." The canine hung his head in shame and sadness.

Damien shook his head. "No. It was something that needed to be told. It is still just very hard to let him go. I have been trying to just live one day at a time. I am even about to start working on my Master's. It still just feels...empty."

The shep nodded and stroked the Malamute's back softly. "You know what? I think to make it up to you, I could buy you some coffee..." His voice was a bit hopeful. He wanted to make this up to his new friend.

Damien smiled softly, "Yeah. I could use some coffee. He looked up at the shepherd and their eyes met. His eyes were an emerald green that seemed so familiar to him. The wind blew a familiar scent into his nose and he looked back to the grave of his beloved. Skylar... is this you way of telling me to move on? His eyes began to fill with tears. He looked at the shepherd thoughtfully. "So, Aurie. Why decided to run here after breaking up with your boyfriend? Aren't there less... depressing places to go?"

Aurie sighed and shrugged. "Not sure. I just felt something tugging me here as I walked by." He looked up and was surprised to see a smile on Damien's face. A kind smile that showed a caring, understanding nature. A smile that made his heart race and his body tingle. "Umm... so shall I buy you that coffee?" Damien nodded and smiled. The two furs walked away from the cemetery. A warm wind blew and rustled the newly placed flowers on a grave. This particular grave belonged to someone who was loved very much. This someone now rested in peace.