FSE

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"Dear Ambrose,

I am the King of Kinnalia, and I plead for your help. No doubt you have heard of the witch roaming the Northwest of my Kingdom. I seek the most clever men in the World, and I have come to you. I need you to brave the traps of the Witch's house and slay it. A vassal of mine, and as many as will come, will be sent along with you, to chop its head clean off. Please decide swiftly: rich rewards will be upon you. My courier will take you with him.

The King of Kinnalia, His Royal Emminence and the Slayer of the Seven Beasts,

Spero IV"

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Chapter 1

He stood outside the house, with his team, marvelling at its structure. The front door was open, blowing in the wind. Spiders crawled the walls, perhaps 20 CM wide, one of them had a large rat in its gawp; he looked to his shivering friend and grinned. This will be fun.

"You looking to turn back Callidus? None o' your pretty nails will be left a' this rate."

"Fuck off, Ambrose." Callidus replied, seeming to man up. "I don't live by the Mountains of Three, I don't see shit like this."

"Well you're here. Might as well go in," Ambrose felt his grin extend further than he thought possible. "How about you two then? Scared?"

Their guardian, and chopper of witch heads, replied: "Only one o' the others ever came back. Heard the King was sent dog heads. Nuthin I saw though. So scared? Who wudn't be?" Valens spat on the ground and shrugged, playing with one of his daggers, a sight they had grown accustomed to seeing. Well, ain't he jolly today.

"And you?" Ambrose pointed at Vertos, who was ogling the spiders.

"I need to remember to bring one of those back home, to study, when we are finished here."

"If we get home," Valens corrected.

"Can someone remind me why the fuck I signed up for this again?"

"Fo' the gold n' glory, Callidus. You said you were out o' money," Ambrose looked on at the house. A witch was inside that they were supposed to kill, dozens had tried before them, and only that one came back after the first time. Spoke of traps and gas, couldn't walk upright either, or so the rumours go. The entire house was filled with puzzles which they would need to pass. It would be a challenge but Ambrose had seen worse, climbed to the top of the Mountains of Three, tricked a bear mother into giving him its child and had said bear mother kill its child afterwards. A simple witch was in there, and as no magic exists, it would be of no problem for Ambrose to brave the traps of the house - get to her, slay her.

"What are we waiting for? Let's just go in and slay that fucker so I can get out of here."

Valens went ahead to the door, which a spider suddenly jumped out off. He took the danger he had been fingering on and threw it down on the spider, its pale blue blood spread across his leg. "Impressive." Valens shrugged at the compliment, opening the door stepping inside. The others followed.

The room was lit, though there appeared to be no light source in the room. A small wooden bucket filled with water and small dead spiders, stood in a corner. Ambrose spit in it. A painting hung on the only wall without a door on it. Three dogs on two legs, like werewolves, were depicted without any clothes, eating dinner. There was also a female in the painting, behind the dogs, grinning. He shivered at the sight of her. That must be the "witch". "Saw this paintin' yet Valens?"

Valens, who had been taking a look at the doors, came up to him. "No, what is it?"

"Well take a look."

"That's fucking nasty. Naked male dogs? Witch or not, she'll be feasting with the devil soon enough."

"She will." Ambrose agreed. He nodded at the doors. "You know which way we need to go?"

"No clue. You a' here to make sure we don't fall for a trap," Valens sighed, "I'm only here to kill."

Ambrose walked up to one of the doors, inspecting it. A foul odour came from the room, something akin to the rare times when his mother cooked dinner at home instead of his father. There was an inscription on the door which he couldn't read, and none of the others either. It was ancient Kinnalian, Vertos explained, a language long gone. Ambrose decided then that this door was likely not the one they sought. Instead of the foul odour, a pleasant aroma escaped the cracks of the other door. As this was all they had to go on, he asked his team what they thought of it. As they heard a dog barking, Callidus only wanted to go back - Valens stopped him - and Vertos were curious as to what created either smell, so he would go with whatever was chosen.

He grinned at their indifference. "Nice smellin' room it is then. Vertos would you be so kind?" Their guardian stepped into the room, not seeing anything odd, and told them to come. As soon as Callidus reluctantly weaseled into the room, the door closed shut. He grabbed the handle, but could not budge the door at all. The room was barren of furniture - all there was in the room was a wall-to-wall carpet. The three dogs were on it, sleeping on floor beds, the woman was in the doorway looking at them, smiling. He spit on her face.

The aroma of the room intensified, and a cloud formed above their heads. "Vertos, you're a biologist - wha' is it?" Vertos, took a deep breath, and then his eyes shot from side to side looking to see if there was a way out. "

"It's a tranquilizer gas, it will soon make us fall asleep, unable to wake up for a few hours depending on the mixture," he laughed at the end. "We are fucked."

Callidus fell to the floor first, then Vertos, then Valens. After that, all was dark.

---

Ambrose woke to a door slamming shut, feeling that something was wrong. The aroma was gone, and he was laying on a floor bed, he looked to his sides and noticed his team laying besides him in their own beds, naked and in the same positions as the dogs on the carpet. "Guys! Wake up!" he yelled, but to no avail. He stood up, and moved around the room. The carpet was no longer there, and he walked barefoot on the smooth plankwood, shielding his private parts. The door they had come in from was still locked shut, and the one left was equally undescript as the others had been in the room before.

"Why the fuck a' you naked?" the voice of Valens came from behind.

"Same as you I'd think." Ambrose said, turning himself to Valens, his hands still shielding his privates. Valens looked down at himself, noticing the bed and his lack of clothes, cursing. "Where the fuck a' my clothes?" His daggers still lay there, beside him.

The other two rose from their given beds. "And my clothes?" Vertos asked.

"At least we're fucking alive still, aren't we?" Callidus said. "Have you found which way to go?"

Ambrose shook his head. "There's just the one."

"Did you try the door from where we came?"

"We aren't comin' out tha' way." He glanced at his team's bodies, hoping they wouldn't see. At least I ain't the smallest. Callidus cried about his unfortunate situation like they weren't all in it, and Valens had murder in his eyes. Vertos sat in the bed, pondering over something.

Standing up, Valens walked up to Ambrose. "Look where you got us!" He pushed Ambrose's arms away, revealing Ambrose's privates. "Hm. Ain't this just a lovely view?! No need to hide like the fucking prancies of the court! Be the man you claim to be and find a way out of here!"

Ambrose laughed, "You told me to choose, ain't my fault the door was the wrong one. Fifty-Fifty chance on the dot," he continued, "We can't stay here - might as well move on. Anyone disagree? ... Good. Valens go in?"

"Fuck no, you first this time."

He opened the door, hoping for the best. The pleasant aroma of festive dinner which like he had never before smelled or seen hit his nose. A large table, with four surrounding chairs, plates and bowls filled with water was taking up most of the room. Food was neatly spread across the table. There were two doors, but he did not care about those. "Guys, is safe. Just food in here." They pushed him on, looking around themselves in awe. He looked up and saw a roof painting, similar to the first painting they saw but this with the woman gone; and then down seeing Vertos staring at the food.

"Wha' a' you thinkin' 'bout Vertos?"

"The food smells good. But there must be something wrong with it - why remove our clothes, lock us into a room and forcing us to go here? It is not right. This is not done out of good will, it is another trap. And then there's the recurring dogs in the art and the bowls of water on the table. No glasses to drink out of. Doesn't feel right."

"You sayin' we press on?"

"I'm saying we should, yes."

"Fuck no, I'm hungry. I don't know for how long I slept - but it made me fucking hungry. If we can't go back, let's at least be bloody comfortable doing this, ay?" Callidus breathed out with all his courage.

After a longer discussion, Ambrose finally feasted on the dinner. The bloody, savory, steak was better than anything he had eaten before - he thought it would taste undercooked when he saw it: but it was perfect. A range of different meat was laid up on the table, all equally tasty, they all agreed.

The only lacking thing was the glasses, but after a few bites of food, Ambrose and the others lapped the water eagerly from the provided bowls.

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Thank you for reading! Again, if you liked this story (or if you didn't) please have a go reading my other stories as well, found Here! They are of a different sort, but should be enjoyable all the same! Feedback is appreciated, and I look forward to reading any that might come in!