Raine's Comfort
It was raining. Lightly, but still raining. The individual drops making tiny noises as they fell to the pavement below, meshing and melding into their own soft music.
It was one of those days when you could sit inside in your favorite chair, perhaps with some tea, or even a lover, to help keep you warm as you watched the rain run down the window, content with just doing nothing.
Wish I could.
Whenever the skys darkened and wept, sending those little drops falling to the earth, I got restless. I had to get outside and do something, even if it meant just walking around this city, nowhere in particular to go, just putting one footpaw in front of the other, listening to the music of the rain and the little voices in my own head.
It was sometime during a lazy Saturday afternoon, and I was trudging slowly down the sidewalk, unmindful of the small amount of other furs walking in the opposite direction. They never said anything as the passed, or nod, or even aknowledge my presence as they went about whatever business that had them out and about. I was content with this.
I might have been somewhere in the center of the city, but I'm not sure, as I've not been paying much attention.
I looked up as I paused on a street corner and noticed a small diner almost right across from me.
It was a rather average building, with a white-washed facade and large plate glass windows. Above the light green awning that jutted out of the wall was the exeedingly strange name of the place, "Empathica". I couldn't fully explaine why, maybe it was the name, but I felt drawn to it, was, in fact, compeled to go inside.
I crossed to it and stepped inside.
A small tinkle from a bell over the door anounced my entry to the seemingly deserted interior. The decor was mainly white and an oddly soothing shade of green, like alder tree leaves. I chose a booth in the back corner by the window and sat, staring out the window and waiting.
After a time a waiter approached me to take my order. I looked up as he neared, and saw him for the attractive young male cat that he was. Immedietly I was struck by the arrow of Eros, and was overcome by a sense of hot lightness that swelled in my chest and spread throughout my whole body.
He had a beautiful coat of charcoal gray fur, smooth and devoid of any marking, save for a pure white spot on his forehead, shaped like a diamond. His eyes were a bright, clear shade of amber, behind them swirling something I couldn't identify.
He was wearing a clean white apron over a white T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans, a tag on the front stating his name as "Raine", his tail swishing slowly back and forth behind him in a steady rhythm.
After a moment, I realized that I was staring and blinked, feeling my heart leap when he giggled.
"Take your order?" He asked in a velvety voice typical of most felines.
I ordered tea, as was my habit.
"Comin' right up." he said with a warm smile, turned and dissapeared, my eyes drawn unconsciously to his backside as he left.
I chuckled softly to myself when he was gone. Here I was, just barely having met this male, and already having certain . . . thoughts about him.
How very unlike me.
But you'll learn a little more about me later.
I went back to staring out the window, watching the rain make little rivulets down the glass and "zoning out".
Soon enough Raine came back with a steaming mug and placed it in front of me. I looked up and thanked him, and my heart skipped again as he tipped a wink at me.
He left again, and with a conscious effort forced myself not to stare at him as he left.
I inhaled the warm aroma wafting up from the mug. It was made with teabags, as was to be expected, but it was well-steeped just same.
I sipped, relishing it, but judging it in need of a little sweetening. I reached over, forgoing the artificial sweetener and grabbing a packet of real suger instead. I didn't trust the former, especially with all the rumors of it's cancer-causing properties floating around, and suger tasted better in any case.
I stirred it in and sipped again. Better. I leaned back in the psuedo-leather seat with the marm mug in my paws and went back to looking out the window.
The light was fading now. That time of year was rolling around again, when it got dark earlier. If there was one thing I didn't like, it was the fall/winter time of year. Too cold for my taste. And yet, it was beautiful in it's own way. To see the city going about it's business as the first snowflakes began to fall was somehow . . . romantic. But anyway, summer was my season. I was born in the summer after all. The warm laziness was much more appealing. I loved sitting at the open window and reading one of my many romance novels, loving the way the sun warmed my fur as the city hustled and bustled below me.
After some time, I realized that I had finished my tea and sighed. It was probably time for me to head home. Indeed, when I looked up at the little clock over the counter, it read a litle after five. I paid for the tea, making sure to leave a tip for Raine, and took my leave, walking out into the dark and wet, pointing my toes for home.
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I arrived at my little apartement and flipped the switch by the door, turning on the overhead light. Shrugging off my jacket, I hung it on the door knob, then crossed the room and sat down in the chair next to the window.
As I remember I was going to tell you about myself.
There isn't a whole lot to tell. My name is James. I'm a male raccoon, age twenty-two. I was lean, a little muscular. Six foot two, roughly one hundred twenty pounds. I live in a two room apartment on the third floor of the complex. I have a job unloading shipments for a local grocery store. Five dollars an hour, twenty hours a week, working nights, weekends off. It payed for my rent and my meager expenses. I didn't own a car. Wherever I couldn't walk, I rode the bike I kept in a corner of the room.
The room itself was as humble as my lifestyle. The few items of furniture were secondhand. The chair by the window, a small couch and coffee table next to a bookshelf stuffed to the brim with books, mostly romances (I'm hopeless that way), a table and two chairs against another wall, next to a small fridge, a microwave and toaster on the counter, a few cabinets on the wall above it. My bed was in the corner next to my chair. Bedside table and CD player next to that, dresser next to that. Decoration was almost non-existant. A few nick-nacks here and there, but that was all. All of this was in the main room. The second room was the bathroom, and I'll spare you the description of that.
Did I mention that I'm gay? No, I don't suppose I did. Though it should have been obvious by now.
I had very few friends, almost no family to speak of, other than my parents, though we aren't exactly on speaking terms, but I won't bore you with that, and the very small handfull of relationships I have had have left something to be desired.
My life is a simple one, and I kept it that way.
I yawned widely. It had been an interesting day, and I needed some sleep. I got up and stretched, scratched a spot on the small of my back and walked around the bed to the dresser. I stripped out of my still-damp clothes and changed into a white cotton T-shirt and boxer shorts, before slipping between the sheets.
For some time, sleep wouldn't come. I kept thinking about Raine, kept seeing him in my minds eye. That warm lightness returned, and I took a moment to isolate and examine it
I could barely describe it. It was like . . . like an explosion of warmth in my
heart . . . like an icy knot in my stomach . . . like I was floating . . . like my limbs were weighted down with lead . . . my brain was fuzzy, like I had just stood up too fast . . .
And yet it wasn't like any of these contradictions, but that was as close as I could come.
I sighed and turned over on my side, looking over at the wall.
I hardly even knew Raine, had hardly had a conversation with him, and I had been hit so hard by this feeling.
What was I going to do?
But then, the answer seemed obvious. I would get to know him better, and if I still felt this way, well, I'd see where it went from there.
This made me feel a little better, so I closed my eyes and slipped into sleep.
_____________________________________________________________________________
For the next several weeks, I went down to Empathica in my spare time, which I had alot of. It seemed that Raine was always there, and we started talking, small talk at first, then to longer conversations. We developed a quick friendship, and I found that I still loved him even more than I did.
He worked at Empathica full-time (he couldn't explain the odd name, either) loved romance as much as I did, as I'd seen from his large collection of books (all secondhand, naturally), he was openly gay, . . . and he had a mate.
When I got back to my apartement the night after I learned this, I almost cried, but stopped when I realized that my feelings for him were all that mattered. He knew I was gay, but I don't think he suspected my feelings at all. I felt it was still too soon to tell him my feelings. We had hardly even known each other a month. We were friends, and I didn't want to change things this fast.
I would wait... wait for the right time.
_____________________________________________________________________________
It was over two years later when I told him, and to this day I don't even think it was the right time.
During that space of time, Raine and I had grown closer than ever. We told each other everything. Latest happenings, people we've met, books we've read.
I had met his mate, another cat named Brandyn. They had met in club downtown. He was likable individual. Black fur with white paws and a white patch directly between his bight yellow eyes, like the one Raine had. He was a lover of food, but he didn't show it phsically. He was muscular, but not overly so. At first glance he seemed short, stocky, though he was about my hight. He loved to cook, and was good at it. I had enjoyed many a good meal under their roof. Small wonder, he worked as head chef in an expensive restaraunt on the other side of town. From what I could see, He was very loving, and Raine adored him. It wasn't a wonder they were together.
They had a perfect life.
Or so it seemed.
One particularly cold Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my chair with my eyes closed, soft, sappy love music issuing from my CD player. It was a lazy sort of day, and even though it was raining, I didn't feel like going out on one of my wanderings.
I was on the verge of slipping into sleep when I heard a soft, almost tentative knock at my door. I stood up, turned off the CD, and walked to the door. Upon opening it, I found a soaked-to-the-bone Raine. His bright amber eyes were tinged with the red of crying. Tears were still streaming down his cheeks, matting the fur. He was wrapped in a thin jacket that did nothing to ward off the withering cold. His silky gray fur was dripping wet. He had probably walked from his apartement all the way here.
I invited him in.
I took his coat, led him to the couch, and handed him a box of tissues.
"Tea?" I asked as he dried his eyes.
"Stronger." He replied in a voice hoarsened by sobs.
I dug in my cabinets until I came upon a bottle of brandy I kept on hand whenever I was in a mood. I brought out two glasses, poured about three fingers in each, and brought them and the bottle back to the couch.
I handed him one of the glasses, keeping the other and placing the bottle on the table. Raine downed his first glass in one gulp, and I couldn't help but be surprised, and a little worried. I didn't know him to drink like that. I poured him another. This one he took in sips. I put a comforting arm around him, waiting for him to tell me what had happened.
When the brandy had warmed the cold from his bones, he finally spoke.
"Brandyn's been having an affair." he said quietly, staring into his brandy, still weeping.
I was stunned by this. "Brandyn's been . . . " I repeated.
Raine nodded sadly, wipping his eyes, his crying abated for the moment.
"Who . . . How did . . .?"
Raine sighed, paused, then said, "I . . . went home early today, work had been slow and my boss said it was fine." He paused again, sipped more brandy, then went on. "I knew that Brandyn had the day off today, and I was hoping to surprise him. When I walked in the front door," Anger began creeping into his voice. "he was on the couch having sex with that skanky female he works with."
I had no idea who "that skanky female" was, but I understood what he felt. Here he was, having loved and trusted his mate with all his heart, only to find that his mate had become intimate with someone else, a female for God's sake, behind Raine's back, then having Raine walk into that, it was undoubtedly heartbreaking for him, to have his trust betrayed like that, and on top of that, to find that his mate didn't feel the love that Raine had given him for so many years.
The anger crept out of Raine's voice, replaced by a hoplessness that was heart wrenching.
"It took him a few moments to realize that I was standing there, but when he did, he just gave me a look that said 'Well, now you know.', he didn't even say a word, he just . . ." He broke into sobs again.
I tightened my grip around his shoulders. "Oh Raine, I'm so sorry . . ." was all I could say.
My heart went out to him, and at the same time I felt sick to my stomach at Brandyn's betrayal, dull anger throbbing in the back of my skull.
"That bastard!" He shouted.
I pulled him close, wrapping both arms around him. I held him from some time, rocking him slowly back and forth, softly stroking his head, and my anger at Brandyn melting away. Eventually his sobs lessened, replaced by the occasional sniff, finally fading into a soft, if hesitant purr.
I had always wondered what it would be like to hold him in my arms like this, to hear the sound of his purrs in my ears. Know I knew, And I wanted so much for time to halt, just for us.
I breathed in his natural scent, accented by the peppermint shampoo he used.
So sweet..., I thought to myself. I wanted to tell him my feelings, but I didn't. I would be taking advantage of his moment of weakness, and it would be a betrayal of our friendship. Plus he'd been drinking, if even a little.
I stayed silent.
His purrs had quieted somewhat, and his slow, even breathing told me that he had fallen asleep in my arms. I wasn't surprised, he had had a very stressful day.
I carefully picked him up and carried him to my bed, where I layed him down, covering him with a thick blanket. I watched as he snuggled down into the pillow, the trails of his tears still marked his cheeks. My heart went out to him.
I bent down and softly kissed the little white mark on his forehead, then turned and headed to the closet, where I got my coat, intending to go down to the grocery store and get something for Raine to eat when he woke up.
Then I opened the door, where I found Brandyn, his fist poised to knock.
"I thought this is where he'd go...", He said dumbly, his expression flat.
Once again, anger welled up inside me.
"What do you want?" I whisperd fiercely, baring my teeth.
His face remained expressionless. "I wanted to talk to Raine."
"There is nothing for you to say to him."
His face still didn't change. "Let me through."
"No." I said simply, stepping out and closing the door behind me.
His eyes flashed with anger at my refusal. He started to say something, but the look I gave him shut him up.
"How could you do that to him? You were everything to him! He loved you so much, and you betrayed him like that!" I said, my voice quivering with fury.
"What's it matter to yo..."
The rest of his sentence was cut off as my fist smashed into the side of his head. I am not violent, but I am not weak either. My muscles have been toned and hardened by years of moving heavy cargo, and everything I had went into that punch.
It sent him sprawling sideways down the hall, knocking him flat.
"Cheating sonuvabitch." I hissed.
After a moment, he slowly stood up. rubbing the side of his face. When he looked me in the eye, the look he saw broke him. He backed away, down the hall.
"This isn't over." he said, pointing at me, then he turned tail and ran.
I haven't seen or heard from him since.
I stood there for a moment, then remembered what I was doing.
I gave Brandyn a minute or two to get as far away as he could, then started down the stairs and headed for the grocery store.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Half an hour later, I slipped into my apartement, careful not to wake Raine, still asleep on my bed. I set a sack of soup cans and bread on the counter, and walked over to were he lay. He looked more peaceful. I reached out and carressed his face, a smile on my own.
I walked around the bed and settled my self into my chair by the window. The weather had cleared up since Raine had come to my door, but it was still cold. I sat there for a while, until I heard Raine stir next to me. I looked over at him as he sat up, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He looked over at me, and our eyes locked. That feeling, the same one that came to me two years ago, washed over me again.
I chose not to tell him about my encounter with Brandyn.
"Feeling better?" I asked.
"A little." He replied.
"You hungry?"
"Yeah."
"Well, how 'bout you go take a hot shower, and I'll fix you something." I suggested softly.
"Sounds good." He said, and smiled. It was small, but lit up his face, and it made my heart swell. I loved him so much.
I gave him some of my clean clothes to change into and he dissappeared into the bathroom. I waited until I heard the water running, then went over to were I left the groceries. From the sack, I pulled a can of chicken soup and a loaf of sourdough. Within a few minutes, the soup was heating in the microwave and two pieces of bread were in the toaster.
As I waited, I idley flipped through the pages of one of my books, not really seeing the words. I put it down after a few minutes.
I heard the bathroom door open. I turned around to see Raine, dressed in a white cotton T-shirt and blue jeans, emerge from the steam that poured out of the open door, drying his head fur with a towel.
Just then, the toast popped up and the microwave chimed. Raine sat on the couch and I brought him the food. As he ate, I watched him, yearning to tell him, but didn't dare, not now.
When he finished, and the dishes were in the sink, he spoke to me.
"James, I want to thank you for everything you've done for me."
"Hey, it's no problem." I replied, a little embarassed.
"No, I mean it. I'm lucky I have you." He reached over and touched my paw. "you took me in and comforted me when I needed it the most. You held me in my sorrow. You even made sure I was warm while I slept. From the bottom of my heart, thank you."
I looked at him. Those beautiful green eyes of his were so full of sincerity and gratitude, I broke. With eyes downcast, tears running down my face, I told him.
"Raine, I know this is the wrong time for this, but I can't stop it, not now." I paused. "Raine, I love you. I have since the very first day we met. When I found out you and Brandyn were together, it almost killed me. I thought I would never get to tell you my feelings. Earlier, when I held you in my arms, it was the happiest I have ever been. I wished time would stop, so it was just you and me. I love you so much."
I heard nothing from Raine, so I went on, still not looking at him. "Brandyn didn't deserve you. You should be with someone who knows what they have when they have you. You're smart, kind, loving. You have so much in your heart to give, and I hoped it could be for me."
I still didn't hear anything from him, I knew for sure that he hated me for all that I had said.
That was, until I felt his paw on mine. I looked up at him. His eyes, those beautiful amber eyes, stared deep, so very deep into mine. So deep that I felt he was looking into my soul. He spoke.
"James, I know how you feel. I've always known. You never hid it very well. The way you looked at me let me know, and I have to tell you..."
Here it was, the end of our friendship, and the very last chance I will ever have to be with him. I could feel my heart being torn to pieces as I looked down at the floor, waiting for the inevitable.
"I have to tell you, that I feel the same way."
My head snapped up, and I looked at him incredulously.
"W-what?"
"I have for some time now. But I couldn't bring myself to tell you, I was already in a relationship, and I was afraid of what your reaction would be." Tears welled in his eyes. "I was planning to tell you later, when I was feeling better." He gripped my paw tight.
"James... I love you too."
There was a moment of silence, then, quite suddenly, Raine's lips were on mine, so soft. He slipped his arms around my neck. It took me another moment to absorb this, then I returned it, placing my hands on his waist. I felt his tongue slip it's way into my mouth, slowly exploring inside. I was there to meet him, my tongue wrapping around his own.
This felt so much better than I had ever imagined it would. I felt so light, sitting there next to Raine, arms around each other, that I felt I would just lift off the couch with him. We stayed like that until the need for air finally drove us apart.
For several minutes, we just sat there, staring at each other, until I stood up and lead him to the bed, were we both layed down.
Now, I know what you are thinking, that now we were going to be up all night, making the bedsprings creak. But you'd be dissapointed.
We laid there on top of the sheets, Raine pressed tightly against my chest, purring once again, the vibrations resonating deep inside me. I was staring out my window, arms around Raine, watching the last few rays of sunlight float through it. Though it was still cold outside, and getting colder, I knew that tonight I would be warm, thanks to the feline that was curled against me.
A few lines of lyrics from one of my favorite songs came floating into my head.
So, Brown Eyes, I hold you near,
'Cuz you're the only song I want to hear,
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.
Raine was that melody. And I knew that he always would be, 'till death did us part.
No, not even then. Raine and I would be together even in the afterlife, together wherever we were sent, and no force would be able to seperate us.
I smiled to myself, for the first time looking forward to what life had in store.
I kissed the top of his head while I pulled a blanket over us both.
"I love you, James." He whispered
"I love you, too, Raine." I replied, closing my eyes.
Soon we were both asleep.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Those next few weeks were spent adjusting to our new life together. Raine moved out of Brandyn's apartement and came to live with me. I quit my job offloading shipments at the grocery store, and got a job as a waiter at Empathica, so I could work with Raine.
Every day was filled with laughter, music, romance, and good feelings.
When it rained, I still got restless, some things just don't change, but Raine would always walk beside me, and because of that, the blues that used to fall over me never returned.
Our life was a simple one, and we kept it that was
Well, that's the story. You may be thinking that reading this was a big waste of time, but I don't care. I'm glad I wrote it. Maybe I'll write about us again, but not now. I've other things to think about now, so, until next time, farewell.
The End.