A Change in the Wind
#12 of Time, Confusion, and the Feelings that Arise
Hmmm... What to say other than I am sorry this took so long!!! It has been a CRAZY past few weeks as I had a ton going on and not all of it good... But anyway here is the new chapter and I am already beginning on next! I hope all of you will forgive me for taking so long and thank you so much to everyone for being patient with me! :3 Comments and critiques are greatly appreciated and I hope you all enjoy!
"Mr. McEwen.... MR. MCEWEN!" Conall jumped in his seat, breaking away from his thoughts to find the entire room of 207 staring directly at him. Professor Gill stood at the head of the room looking more than a little perturbed. "I was beginning to wonder if you had lost consciousness. Is there some grudge you have against that pen you insist on banging against your textbook? If not then I must ask you to cease or else exit the classroom." The snow white leopard glared at him over the rims of his spectacles.
"Y-Yes sir... My apologies." The collie had not even realized he had been tapping his pen, much less so forcefully. Naturally he was a bit embarrassed yet it was a bit hard to care at this point. After all why should he care? Everything else in his life had gone to shit, might as well give others something to laugh at him about. A soft sigh and a shift in his seat brought the professor's attention back to him, though this time he was not called out. Not directly anyway. Gill had a look he gave when he desired to speak with a student after class. Conall nodded and slumped back in his seat. Another day, another conference with Gill. Class ended and the collie gathered his belongings. Gill waited for him with an unamused expression, his lab coat billowing in the wind of a small fan situated beside his desk. Conall could not recall ever seeing the feline without it on. The last of his classmates exited leaving him alone with this agitated leopard.
"Well here we are once again, Mr. McEwen. For the third time in the past two weeks no less. I suppose you know I did not ask to meet with you just for the pleasure of your company." As if he could not feel any worse.
"Technically you did not ask me, you looked at me." Dammit, why did he always have to be such a smart-ass? "Sorry.... I did not mean to say that."
"I'm sure. I have become more than familiar with that smartass tone of yours over the course of your two semesters with me. However I will let it slide in light of other concerns that are a bit more pressing. Mr. McEwen I am a bit concerned regarding the score you received on the exam last week."
His exam score? He had passed, so what was the big deal? "I made a 72... Not really a reason to fret."
Gill sighed and began unbuttoning his lab coat. This must really be bothering him. "While it is true that a 72 on one of my exams is not something unheard of, when a straight A student makes such a grade I feel the need to inquire as to the reason for such a slip-up. Especially since you seemed to show such an aptitude for the subject matter. So, I want an explanation and please no smartass comments. I do so tire of them."
Conall shrugged, eyes travelling to the floor. How was it that out of all the professors he had this one seemed to be the only one he felt guilt for disappointing? A soft chuckle escaped his muzzle. He knew exactly why.
"Something funny?" Damn, he had hoped that Gill had not heard. The feline sighed and padded slowly over to begin his usual after class task of cleaning the used lab equipment. Obviously being a part-time instructor had its downsides. After a few grueling minutes of silence Gill finally spoke. "Conall, I am worried about you. You have got to understand this. If it was any other students I would have a formal conference like every other professor. However with you I can't do that, for obvious reasons. I care about you more than a professor should care about a student. Though, to be fair that is your fault."
"My fault? I wasn't a student of yours when we met you know... Besides you did not seem to complain about our little encounters even after I was."
"That's enough... I'll have you know I did feel some guilt. I would lose my job if anyone were to find out. Not the most comfortable thing to have hanging over oneself."
"Weren't we talking about my problems?"
Gill glared at him over his glasses. "I suppose we were. You may proceed with your explanation." The collie huffed, but began recalling the events that had him so out of sorts. He meant to shorten the tale in order to get this little meeting over with. Before he knew it two hours had passed and he was almost in tears. At some point he had even ended up wrapped in Gill's arms. Not what he intended, yet not something he was averse to either. In fact it was rather nice to just be held for once. It had been so long...
"I'm sorry to hear about Kat... I know she was important to you. But you know I don't think the situation is as bad as you think. It seems to me that she just needs some time to get her own thoughts in order. Even I have been there before. It was the whole reason I went to Europe for those two years.
"And yet you and your boyfriend did not get back together once you got back." This was not helping.
"True but the difference here is that I was in an abusive relationship, you are not. Even if you do not end up reunited would it really be all that bad as long as she is happy?"
"Yes. It would still be terrible. She would be happy, and I would be stuck in my own misery. Kat can be just as happy with me." Conall felt his entire being tense as he tried to smother his rising anger. Who was this cat to say that it would be fine if Kat left him forever?
"My... how selfish of you." Was that really disappointment? Or was there more in that last statement. Gill set a beaker he had been handling onto a nearby drying rack and turned, walking slowly towards the broken collie. Conall opened his muzzle to speak but his words never came. Gill pressed his muzzle firmly against Conall's own. The canine started, never relaxing as the leopard had hoped. Breaking contact, Gill sighed and stared into his student's eyes. "Come see me tonight. I think we need to talk... and for once in your life don't question why. Just do as I say." With that he made haste out of the classroom, leaving Conall gaping as he attempted to wrap his mind around what had just transpired.
It was an odd move on the leopard's part. Not that Gill never made the first move, just that he would be so bold at such a bad time. Was it a bad time? The two furs had spent more than a few nights together in the past, though that was almost two years ago. Gill was sweet, sexy, and definitely intelligent. When the two had first met Conall had messed with the feline about his age, though the feline was only two years his senior. Now that age seem more prominent as his wisdom had begun to show through. The question now was whether or not he would go to Gill's tonight. There were no exams to study for, no friends to go hang out with. He could think of nary an excuse to use as to why he shouldn't go. Would Kat go? Was she with some other fur now? Buried in the arms of a random male seeking to bury her sadness in a thin layer of pleasure? He would go tonight. No matter what, he owed Gill that much. After all, in the entirety of the list of hearts he had broken over the years, Gill was one of the few he regretted. Even after he cheated on the feline there never seemed to be any malice, only pity. Gill still went out of his way to help Conall with assignments and even chatted him up whenever the two met outside the classroom. Now was as good a time as any to show the feline just how much he regretted what he had done. The first step was to trust. In Gill he would have to trust.
Kathleen felt herself tremble as she reached up to knock softly on the door to Conall's home. After all that had happened, he deserved an explanation. If she up and disappeared altogether it would only add to the guilt she felt. No need to give herself another reason to beat herself up. Her knock came short and strong as she held her breath. Don't start crying, Kat. You cannot start crying here. She repeated this over and over in her head as if it was a mantra that would help her get through this last trial before she left all of this behind for good. It was failing miserably. It was a mystery why she felt that she had to tell him in person. Maybe it was some sense that she owed it to him after not speaking to him for so long. Maybe it was just a foolish hope that if she saw him one more time the collie would be able to change her mind. Kat was unsure if she hoped for that or feared it.
No answer came from inside the darkened home. Conall was normally home by now, maybe he had gone out with friends. That would be good to see. It had been a week since his last call to her, so it was possible he had already moved on. Knowing Conall he was probably bedding some floozy at this very moment. The very thought brought on a surge of anger within her. It was her who called off their relationship, but the least he could do was give it some more time before he started back sleeping around with every girl in town. The feline turned and stomped off towards her idling vehicle. If he was going to play this game then he did not deserve an in-person goodbye.
She stopped midstride upon realizing how ridiculous she was being. There was no reason for her to be mad at Conall. Here she was jumping to conclusions when it had been her that caused all of this to happen. No, it was time to stop looking at the past. Her future was out there waiting for her. Conall would understand, he would have to. Kat padded to her car and took out a sheet of notebook paper. The feline scribbled something onto the blank page and folded it up neatly. Kat slipped the note through the mail slot before slipping off her necklace and hanging it on the doorknob. This was it. No turning back now. She just hoped Conall would find someone who could truly make him happy. She stood silently for a while as if mourning the past she was about to lay to rest. The sound of thunder told her it was time to depart.
With that Kathleen returned to her car. She drove away without even a glance back at what she was leaving behind. This would be a new beginning for her. This time, she would live her life without failing herself and those she would eventually come to love. The only uncertainty now was what she would do once she arrived at her new home. It was truly terrifying, yet a part of her found it exciting. Maybe this decision truly was what was best for her.
Conall watched the dark liquid swirl around the glass in his forepaw as Gill tended to the fire blazing within the fireplace. The heat emanating from the hearth felt wonderfully comforting when mixed with the warmth given him by the whiskey contained in his glass. It was not quite cold enough for a fire, but Gill always lit one when facing a problem requiring more than just his usual level of attention. The feline would sit and stare into the dancing embers as he lost himself in his thoughts. During their short stint as lovers Conall often used this time to liberate a small glass of the 40yo scotch Gill kept hidden in the liquor cabinet. This time however, Conall felt the need just to drink for the sake of forgetting. Cases like these meant a blend of the less sophisticated variety was more desirable. Not to mention that Gill would kill him if he drank too much of his prized stock at one time. Thus tonight he chose to once again become intimate with his long-time friend Jack. He took a rather large sip before clearing his throat to end the silence permeating the room. "So what was so important that you wanted me to come all the way here? I'm sure it wasn't just so I could drink all of your alcohol."
The leopard chuckled as he placed the iron poker back onto the nearby rack. "Honestly I thought I would have something prepared by the time you arrived. Awkwardly enough I have nothing at all to say. I doubt you would truly listen to any advice at this point anyway. So let's skip all of that. Tell me, Conall. How do you plan to move forward now that Kathleen is gone? I hope you aren't planning on sulking for too much longer. Any more low grades and I might have to assign you a tutor. I imagine there would be plenty of volunteers."
"A tutor? Really? I doubt you would go that far. Even if you did want to assign me a tutor why not just do the job yourself?"
"Yes, because I have so much time to spend tutoring students who are as unmotivated as you are now. I doubt in your current state we would even get anything done." Gill was more serious than Conall had seen in a long time. The feline did not even crack a smile when the collie pushed him back onto the couch. Conall had always been able to break through to the core of Gill, why was now so different? "You think this is going to change things? If we slept together would it heal your heart? Would you even feel anything?" He leaned forward, pushing the canine off of his lap. "If I said I did not want it I would be lying to myself. You brought me so much happiness during our short time together. When you left me that cold night... I wanted to hate you. Unlike you I take my connections with others very seriously. I could never hate you. Which is why I cultivated our friendship and supported you in every horrible decision you have made since. Kathleen was the only decision you have made that I have agreed with, which is why I distanced myself from you even though I was always here to help should you need me. Now, here I am wishing to help and I am without any useful advice. I can't help but feel like I have failed you in some way."
Conall slammed Gill back into the couch and pinned the feline beneath him. Thunder rumbled somewhere in the distance almost serving to magnify the intensity in the collie's eyes. "You know, I came here with every intention of listening for a while before telling you to fuck off. I was going to storm out hoping that would kill any future intentions you had of comforting me. How the hell am I to do that when you say something like that?!" He would be crying had he any tears left to shed. He thought Kat was his sole reason to change who he was. Now it was becoming obvious that this desire to change was something much deeper than that. His eyes met Gill's own and he leaned in slowly.
The leopard closed his own eyes and welcomed what came next. Conall's head came to rest on his shoulder. This was as intimate a moment as the two had ever had together. It was almost enough to startle Gill. Would this finally push this young pup trapped in an adult's body to grow up? Would the collie finally step away from those foolish days of flings and look to find someone to spend his days with? Would that someone be Gill?
Conall spent that night in Gill's arms. Kathleen was at the fore of his mind for the majority of the night, yet he found that was slowly changing. Gill was rebuilding the broken remains of his sanity. Maybe this was how things should be. Maybe now he could finally begin to move on. Forget the past, the future was all he had left.