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Dangerous Thoughts

By Xan Steel

It would take a week to get to Valdoro on the transport ship that we had been given passage on from Altair. I had to admit, it was something I know I couldn't afford on my own. There was so much one could do that it kept the younglings busy at all times until they fell asleep. It was nice to watch Tarina handle them so well, and keeping them well behaved. Though she did send a few side glances in my direction that confused me, and made me think she had some sort of idea about us, but I dismissed it as an old males fantasy. I wasn't as young as I use to be, and she was much younger than I was, not to mention I still needed to figure out some things with my mate back on Travaina IV. I wasn't about to to start cheating even though it did, to some degree feel justified.

While she handled the younglings, I began looking over a packet that had been left in our room on the transport. This was something that Altair had left for me to read, and it was quite a thick packet at that. I pulled it out and began to look through it, and started picking up some patterns. The Four Heads were two males and two females. Some would say that it's a detail that doesn't mean much, however I find any detail, no matter how small can be of vital importance.

Female number one had been with the Alliance for thirty cycles, and had until recently over saw the placement of new colonies. Her name was Farida. Species Derlenian. Her age seventy five cycles. Not much older than I am I thought to myself. Her current Assignment was watching troop movement along Alliance borders and repositioning ships to keep the Rebels on their side of the border. It also mentioned that diplomatic talks were not going smoothly enough to end the border skirmishes, and that a full scale war was likely. Some side notes had been hand written in claiming she hadn't gone off world to any talks in four cycles. This felt odd to me as I made a note of it in my notebook.

Male number one had been in the Alliance for twenty two cycles, and rose through the ranks quite quickly, even over his peers. His name was MacNorse. Species Sylurian. His age fifty six cycles. His current assignment was overseeing medical research, deployment, and assessment while in the field. Some more hand written notes claiming that he hasn't been off world in five cycles. So this was my first connection, however there was no mention on whether or not they had mates and a family to care for, which made me wonder if the other two had the same ending.

I continued to read on, Female number two, in the Alliance for sixty cycles, age one hundred and twenty cycles, name Sulara, Species Tygorian, in charge of Weapons deployment and R&D. Hand written note claiming that she also has not been off world in three cycles. And last but not least Male number two, In service for forty five cycles, age one hundred cycles, name Gor, Species Bulorian, In charge of unknown. I stopped reading there because at this point I had a red flag pop up in my head. You don't work in the Alliance in a Unknown position. "Definitely someone I need to watch more closely." I said to myself.

It was at this point I saw a pair of ears and eyes peeking over the edge of the table in front of me. It was Dilna trying to be sneaky with me. I continued to make it look like I wasn't paying attention, as I saw her slowly lower her head under the table. I gave a short count to ten, and then reached under the table grabbing her near my feet, as she squealed in delight as I throw her over my shoulders. "Gotcha!" I said as she continued to squeal and tried wiggling out in my grasp. Tarina walked into the room. "There you are, you little wiggle wern." As she came over and took her from my shoulder. "Look at you sneaking in on your Pawpaw." Dilna nodded with a big smile on her. Tarina explained that she wanted her to tell me that it was close to dinner time so we could go down to the promenade before it got to busy to get to a good spot, to which I agreed with.

Throughout the evening with some idol chitchat, I noticed that Frin wasn't his normal talkative self, as he seemed more quiet and reserved. He would just nodded at me when answering questions. This seemed fairly odd, as he never just nodded. I decided to let it go for now, but I would need to talk with Tarina about him later. Hoping that maybe she could find out what was going on with him.

By the end of dinner the younglings were tired and began to fall asleep in our arms as we carried them back to our room. After we tucked them in, I pulled Tarina off to the side into the living area for a quiet talk. I asked her if she noticed anything unusual with Frin, to which she replied that she wasn't able to read a part of his mind. Making it feel like a repressed memory that didn't want to be shared or remembered. She said she would keep an eye on him and let me know if things changed, as I thanked her.

I went and grabbed some night clothes from my bag and changed in the small changing room. I came out and went to the large sofa that was in the living area, as I had told Tarina she could have the main room when we got on board. That hadn't changed, but what I didn't expect was the nightgown she had put on while I had been changing. My keen sense of observation was both a blessing and a curse and in this situation it was a curse, because she was very beautiful. I shook my head 'Stop it you old fool.' I said to myself because I was still mated, or was I. I began to go over what that meant to me and how the law followed it. Traditionally if a mate was caught cheating, it was grounds for an immediate annulment, according to law. That hadn't actually happened as of yet, but I had given that some serious thought, except in the end I wanted to hear her side of things as to why she cheated on me. My only concern was for our younglings, as I didn't want them growing up without their mother. I laid back on the couch to relax as I continued to think and within a few minutes was out like a light.

It was around the middle of the night when I couldn't move my body. It felt heavy as I was unable to move my legs or arms, but I also picked up a scent I was familiar with. It was Tarina's scent. I was able to move my head to where I saw that she was laying on top of me. I sighed, and gently shook my body to try and wake her, but it seemed a though she was sound asleep. 'Why is this happening to me now of all times?' I questioned myself. Was this a mistake to have her as the nursemaid to my younglings, because she had other thoughts about me I was not aware of until now? I didn't know what to do in this situation, so I stayed still and let her sleep, as I tried to go back to sleep myself. I felt her softly cuddle up to me as she quietly murmured in her sleep, something about feeling sorry, but i couldn't understand most of what she was saying. It seems that I would need to talk to her about 'Us' as I didn't want her getting the wrong idea.

As morning came, I woke up feeling completely rested for the first time in many cycles. Not to mention that Tarina wasn't on me anymore, but instead she was making breakfast in the small kitchen like area of the room. She called out to Dilna and Frin when she was finished as they came rushing out to the small table and sat down to eat. It amazed me how well behaved they were being with her, as it was usually like trying to pull teeth to get them out of their room for breakfast. After they finished eating they helped put their plates away and then came over to ask me if they could go down to the secured playroom for a while. I let them go an enjoy themselves, and told them that we would be down a bit later. It made their day as they left with a boost of renewed energy.

After they left I saw Tarina limp over to me with a cup of Brew as she sat it down in front of me on the little table. "What happened?" I asked in a surprised tone. She smiled at me before she spoke. "Did you sleep well?" I nodded, but she was avoiding the question. "I'm glad." She started again. "You were having a bad dream last night, so I came out to comfort you as best I could." she finished with a cute smile. I didn't know what to say, but then it hit me as a feeling of dread came over me. "I didn't hit you did I?" She just smiled again, "Not on purpose, but yes. You seemed to be fighting against someone." She replied. My ears laid back flat in embarrassment as I had never hit a female. "I'm sorry." I said while hanging my head in shame. She scooted over, and pulled me into a hug. "You didn't do it on purpose Ohm, I know this. I saw you thrashing about yelling at someone. I don't remember all the details, but I wanted to quiet you down, so that you wouldn't wake the younglings. So I laid with you and used my telepathy to calm your dreams." She really was a sweet female. I looked back up at her, and saw how tired she was, and felt even worse. "You stayed up all night didn't you?" I asked, to which she nodded again, only compounding my feelings.

She then leaned in and kissed me catching me by surprise. I leaned back breaking the kiss to look at her in astonishment. "Ohm for as long as I can remember since working at the center. I've had feelings for you. Sadly I couldn't reveal them to you as you had a mate already." I didn't know what to say to her. Yes, it's true she was beautiful, but now I feel like I'm being torn from within. I watched her stand up in front of me. "You keep thinking how beautiful I am. Then here." She said as she unclasped her nightgown as it fell to the floor, revealing her naked body before me. I was suddenly paralyzed, as she shifted my body in a way that allowed her to straddle my lap, and began to nuzzle under my muzzle in submission. After a moment I wrapped my arms around her, "Tarina please, I'm not ready for this yet. I don't even know if I'm still mated or not, and I don't want to be in a position that makes me no better than her. Not to mention I'm old enough to be your elder" I pleaded with her. She leaned back looking at me. "I don't care about age Ohm. I know what I want, but that doesn't mean I not clueless to your feelings. Listen I want nothing more than to be your mate and mother to your younglings, not to mention I'm quite fertile and very capable of giving you more should you desire it." She said in a seductive manner. "But I also know that if there's a way to fix things between you and her that you would prefer that." She said sliding off my lap and standing before me again. "But should the opposite happen..." As she turned around bending over to pick up her nightgown and lifting her tail to expose more of herself to me before standing back up and looking back at me, "Please give me serious consideration." She finished as she walked away with a sway in her hips and tail back to her room.

I got up and walked to the sink and turned on the cold water and began to splash my face and muzzle. If I could fill this sink and dive in, I would do so. I looked down at myself only to realize that my night shorts were pitching a tent from my throbbing erection as well as having them covered in her wetness. 'Why must you, of all my body parts, betray me?' I questioned myself. I stood there at the sink for a few more minutes calming myself down and then I went and changed into my regular clothes. I came out when I finished changing and walked down with her to the secured playroom. I really had a lot to think about, between her, my new assignment, and my mate.

I started going through the packet more at night, after Tarina put the younglings to bed, as she came over to help me. I was surprised at how well we worked together on the information, with being able to compile it in a organized manner that was easy to search through. "You know..." She began. "With their movements so easily predictable. I would almost think they were a type of artificial intelligence." "Or they could be a remote controlled type of machine." I added. It got us on the discussion of them having been replaced, even though it sounded absurd, it was the only thing that made sense. Only because their movements were always the same, and always at the exact same time. No deviation from the recorded information. Tarina asked me if I wanted more of her help, as I told her it sounded like a good idea, but I needed her to look after the younglings, and if things got to heavy to get them and herself off planet as soon as possible and get back to my Te'dar for safety. She nodded in understanding, but her expression stated other wise. I watched her stretch and then head off to her room, as I suddenly felt bad for not letting her help.

I got up and went to her room to apologize to her as she had left the door open as usual, so I casually walked in only to see her once again naked and bending over with her tail raised picking up clothes off the floor. "Um" I started to say as she quickly stood up and turned to me. "EEK A PERVERT!!" As I was suddenly inundated in a massive wad of her undergarments. Most fell to the floor, but I had a few on my shoulders, one hanging off my right ear, and a frilly black one hanging off the tip of my muzzle. I gave a strong huff, blowing the one off my muzzle as she started laughing. Well, I guess my feeling bad about not letting her help was misguided. She came over giggling as she removed the one from my ear, and took the others off my shoulders. "I was kinda hoping you'd chase me around the room." She said with a smile. "You would like something like that." Smiling as I spoke. "Can you blame a female for having a fantasy?" I shook my head no as I realized she was slowly working her way into my heart. I should be mad at myself for my thoughts of her as of late, but I wasn't. I reached up to her face and gently rubbed her cheek while I looked into her eyes. I couldn't believe what I was doing or about to do, not to mention how badly I wanted too. She leaned in nuzzling under my muzzle in submission again, and softly spoke. "Ohm, please make sure your feelings for me are real, and that your not doing this to feel justified. As I want you, but it needs to really be you wanting me as a mate, either as a first or a second." I stopped and slowly pulled back to look at her, as I knew she was right. I needed to really have genuine feelings for her, and they only started to form. The other part of me wanted revenge on my mate, and that hurt more than stopping because thats not the kinda male I am. I apologized to her and walked out of her room.

Now I felt the pain in my chest start to form, and I knew she was likely feeling it as well. I decided to take a walk around the ship to try and ease my thoughts. I hadn't expected any of this to happen. My life in a short week had been flipped upside down and uprooted. If I had to guess, I would say my emotional state was pretty shaken at this point. I needed some level ground in order to think straight again, and I should really thank her for having me come to my senses before it got to deep between us, even though a small part of me really did want her in more ways than one.

It was late when I got back, and everyone was a sleep at this point. I had come to a final decision on what I wanted to do for myself and my younglings. I went into their room and gently woke them up, and once they were awake enough I asked them what they thought of Tarina. Both of them loved her, and wanted me to keep her. I then asked their thoughts on their Memaw back home, as both of them clammed up real quick and became really nervous. After a minute of silence, Frin spoke up, "I hate her. She's a monster that took my real Memaw away." Little Dilna nodded her head in agreement. I suddenly had Tarina in my mind. "Ohm, where are you?! Their minds are open to me now, and, it's horrible." As I heard her running across the room. She saw me sitting there with them as she came into view, and she was crying as she went to them and pulled them into a tight hug. She began to show me what she was getting from him. What I saw nearly killed me. This other male my mate had been cheating on me with. She had helped him molest Frin and Dilna. I have never in my life experienced such pain and anger as I did right now. I did my best to contain my anger as I leaned down, and held my younglings tightly and started telling them how sorry I was for not being there to protect them, and if they hated me as well I would understand. They didn't, but they didn't want to ever see their Memaw again, and wanted Tarina to replace her. Tarina told them that she would take away the bad memory, but I stopped her. She looked at me with such a cold look, but I told her it was evidence to have them arrested. I told her she could remove it when the authorities had it. I turned to Frin and Dilna, and asked them to hold on to it for a bit longer, and that once everything was right she would remove it from them. They nodded through their sniffles and tears in understanding.

I left her with them as I needed someplace to vent my anger without them seeing it. I headed to the nearby weight room and walked in, and in a far corner I saw a punching bag. I wasn't skilled in fighting at all, as I began to punch and kick it with all my strength and anger. As a man of the law, I was required to follow it, but I wanted to kill them both and my mind kept thinking of ways to do that. In a way I now understood Mr. Tavar's thoughts on Lady Iris that day. Only instead of it being a stranger, this was family. I kept picturing their faces on the bag as I repeatedly hit it, harder each time. I don't know how long I was there, but I was getting more clumsy with each hit, as my anger slowly subsided into tears.

I stopped hitting it as my anger and energy had been depleted, as I felt a pair of arms around me and that familiar scent. Tarina pulled me into a tight hug as she buried my face and muzzle into her breast and began to gently lick the top of my head in comfort. "Let go sweetie." Her soft voice said. I broke down in her arms, for being a total failure to my younglings. I was no better than my ex-mate for not protecting them from her evils that I never knew she had, and for that reason I felt I didn't deserve them.

After a while I calmed down and Tarina walked me back to our room while making sure we were quiet coming in, as she had gotten them back to sleep again for me. We went into her room as she closed the door. She sat me on the bed as she knelt in front of me and looked up. "Ohm they need you now more than ever. You didn't fail them for something you didn't even know was happening. We can still protect them, so please don't hold yourself responsible for this." She finished as she laid her head in my lap. I gently stroked her head and cheek as my thoughts began to clear, as I now knew what I needed to do.

I had her move as I went to a communications terminal and contacted my Captain back on Travaina IV. I explained the situation to him on what was discovered by Tarina, and that I needed an annulment from my current mate because of it. He agreed and said he would arrest them and send the counselor to me to collect the memory from all of us. He also stated he would contact her elders and let them know for me. I thanked him and closed out the channel. It was at this point that I had one last thing to do.

I walked over to Tarina as she stood there watching me. I removed my clothes and hers and began to walk around her sniffing the air. I could sense her nervousness as I came back around front and looked into her eyes. I walked around her again and this time sniffed the areas about her I found attractive and stopped in front of her. She then began the same pattern of sniffing the air around me and then sniffing the spots that attracted her. I did one final walk around her and gently bit into her neck from behind and then moved down and bit around her tail base, each time causing her to moan softly. As I came around the front of her I gently bit each of her four nipples on her breasts as I stood back up and looked into her eyes. She spoke softly, "Ohm, are you truly ready to take me as your first mate, now and forever?" "I do, and Tarina, are you truly ready to take me as your first mate, now and forever?" "I do." We moved our handpaws in front of each other and touched them together. I spoke to the ships computer, "Let it be recorded that today Ohm and Tarina are of one mind and body, and that our families hear the good news." It gave an acknowledging sound that it had recorded our mating ritual for all to know, as we leaned in a kissed deeply, and just before we broke. Frin and Dilna had apparently overheard us and came in hugging us both, happy that we would be together.