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Coming to terms with the fact that you like guys is hard, particularly when my best friend and I faced the realisation at the same time.

I sometimes hear from others that they knew since a certain age or always had a feeling, but being gay came as a shock to me. It was like it had sat dormant and then forced its way to the top with no warning.

I sometimes think that having a sheltered and uneventful childhood suppressed the "feeling" inside me. Growing up, I thought I was a boring and plain looking German Shepherd. There was nothing amazing about me. I'd never learned Latin, gone skiing or found a sport I excelled at and I couldn't tell water from champagne. I did well enough at school but my grades were always lower than my friend's, no matter how hard I tried.

When I'm not studying at university, I live on a farm on the edge of a small village with my parents. It's a pretty location amid rolling hills and open fields, but by the time I'd hit my teens it was far too quiet for my liking. To get to town I had to wait for ages in the rain at a bus stop or pay a small fortune for a taxi ride.

My parents could be a little too curious about where I was going at weekends. If I planned an outing with friends I'd always face a barrage of questions demanding to know where I was going or who I was with.

I decided that I needed to get away and began to work even harder at school. After many sleepless nights and studying non-stop, I scored enough points to get into my first choice of university.

Settling in a new city offered freedom and an insight into a wholly new environment. It was terrifying and brilliant. Like most first years, I spent too much money going out, partying to excess and adding furs on social media that I'd only speak to once.

I was nervous when I attended my first lecture and sat at the side by myself. A brown and white Malamute took the seat next to me. He turned and grinned in my direction. There were no Malamutes in the village I grew up in, so seeing one for the first time marked something new and exciting.

He was tall, toned and handsome. His fur was luscious and he had deep and thoughtful looking brown eyes. In a gravelly yet warm voice, he introduced himself as Andrew. We bonded quickly and began to spend most of our free time together.

Andrew was academically gifted without the pretention, but also sporty and athletic without the arrogance. He captained the football team and won several tournaments. Naturally, he got a lot of female attention but never seemed to reciprocate it.

He also stood out from all the other guys on my course. Regardless of species, they all had similar accents and looked the same. Floppy fringes, designer shirts and skinny fit jeans. Andrew turned up to lectures wearing an American-style varsity hoodie with tight t-shirts underneath, emphasising his muscular chest.

I felt a weird sensation in my stomach whenever our eyes met. Excitement and uncertainty. I could not put my paw on it at all.

Andrew and I started going out for drinks after class and soon this turned to visits to his house. It was a short bus ride away from my hall of residence. We would go on jogs through the park, play football or binge watch TV shows together.

At times I felt out of place living in a new city, but hanging around with Andrew brought out a sense confidence in me that I never thought I had. I always looked forward to getting back from the holidays so I could see him again.

He was also the only student I knew who owned a sports car. To be fair, it was an old Porsche 944, but he looked good driving it. Students were not supposed to take cars to campus but he kept it stored in a garage that came with the house he rented.

One evening, we drove out to a country fair and tried going on all the rides. We sat close on the ghost train, laughing at the silly and cheap effects, howled on the rollercoaster and ended the night on the Ferris wheel. I couldn't help but notice how striking his brown eyes were as they reflected the bright neon burning up above.

It was late by the time we left. Andrew didn't like the idea of driving back given the amount of beer we'd had, so we ended up parked in a farm lane and slept in the car. Part of me wanted to shuffle over, take hold of his paw and sleep close to him.

It was then that the feeling dawned on me. I was horrified and confused.

I'd never considered myself the stereotypical figure of a gay guy that I was accustomed to seeing in movies or TV shows. However, I knew my attraction to Andrew was more than just admiration. I was obsessed with his looks and drawn to his almost flawless personality. I tried to suppress it but soon realised that it was no good. The Malamute occupied my thoughts all day and night. I was far closer to him than to any friend I'd had before.

I began to experiment by watching online gay porn. My initial reaction was revulsion followed by curiosity. Soon, it turned to arousal. Call it crude way of doing it, but it confirmed my suspicion that I was gay.

As the term passed, I decided there must be a chance that Andrew felt the same way about me. I tried to pluck up the courage to ask him but I was too nervous.

Eventually, I copped out and instead asked if he was in a relationship. My heart plummeted when he explained he had a girlfriend, a Puma who lived in his hometown. He claimed they were going to Majorca over the summer when I asked if he wanted to come and visit me at home.

Before the summer break, everyone began crowding into the library to study for the forthcoming exams.

I began to develop chronic insomnia through stress while the days flashed by with copious amounts of coffee and instant noodles.

To relieve my boredom in bed, I began stalking through Andrew's Facebook page. Most of his photos were in exotic locations, generally beaches and mountains. Intriguingly, I only found one photo of him with a black Puma on a hotel balcony. They didn't appear at all intimate and were sitting far apart, but I wondered if he simply didn't want to show off about his relationship.

I developed an unhealthy obsession with several pictures of him on the beach. He photographed well and looked handsome without coming across as a poser. There was one picture of him shirtless, holding his sunglasses in one paw and gazing off over the water with a faraway expression. Another showed him sitting by a swimming pool in tight swimming trunks.

I created a string of erotic fantasies in my imagination; Andrew without his trunks on and asking me seductively to join him.

I stimulated myself to these daydreams and sat back gasping as warm cum splashed over my bare chest. Part of my mind was screaming that this was messed up, but it was an excellent remedy for my insomnia.

The exams came and went in a manic blur, but I walked out feeling that I had done well.

Some of the furs on the course organised party for the night before we all went home.

The evening started out normally. We had dinner and drinks at a function room in the town hall before heading to a nearby club.

The place was packed so Andrew and I were dancing close, our bodies almost touching. The sweat was flying and he was getting closer. Someone accidentally pushed me from behind, shoving me right into Andrew's chest. I grinned and put my arm around him. The crowd pressed us closer together and my leg brushed into his crotch. I felt something hard in his jeans and it took me a second to realise what it was.

Andrew's eyes widened in alarm and he tore away from me, pushing past the other furs as he scrambled towards the exit. I chased after him, calling desperately but my voice was drowned out by the music.

I found Andrew outside, skulking in the dark. He shied away from me but I explained I wasn't angry. Making sure no one else was listening, I said that I felt the same about him. He looked down and drew out a huge sigh. I liked to think it was out of relief.

I asked if he wanted to get a taxi home. He hung back for a second, but said yes.

My other flatmates were out so we sat in the kitchen in an awkward silence. I made us both a cup of tea but Andrew gazed down, avoiding eye contact with me. I notched that his paws were shaking and his brown eyes were wide with fear. It was the first time I'd seen him afraid and it felt weird. I didn't think such an athletic and confident canine could feel fear. I felt I'd unlocked a hidden weakness, yet my instinct was to put him at ease.

I asked Andrew if he wanted to talk about it, get it off his chest. I began by stating that I really liked him, it had taken me a while to realise it, but I was glad to see that he felt the same way about me. I then asked nervously if he wanted to try anything. He hesitated, but nodded, so I led him to the bedroom.

Sitting on the bed, I asked if he'd ever done anything like this before. He swallowed and shook his head, "at least not with a guy" he admitted. Feeling my ears go red, I explained that I'd never done anything sexual with anyone at all.

Andrew's paw reached over and took hold of mine. He was still shaking but we gripped each other firmly and soon he seemed more relaxed. We leaned over and our muzzles met for a kiss.

The sensation of having another guy's tongue in my mouth was strange, yet wonderful.

I continued holding his paw, trying to make him feel more secure. Although he was bigger and stronger than me, I could tell he was more nervous than I was.

We broke off and I asked how he felt. "Weird, but good"was the reply. He smiled and his brown eyes urged me to continue.

We pulled our shirts off before removing our jeans. We sat on the bed in our underwear and continued kissing. My tail was wagging and thumping against the covers. I gently dug my paw into his soft, luscious chest and scritched through the fur. It felt soothing under my paw-pads.

I shot him a cheeky smile, hooked my paws over his underwear and slipped them off. The tip of his pink member was visible at the end of his fuzzy sheath. I stroked and played with his genitals and his cock soon emerged.

We kept kissing as Andrew reached over and returned the favour to me. His paw-pads gripped firmly around my cock as he began to stimulate it. His tongue stroked the roof of my mouth as the motions of his paw became faster. I felt a surging sensation and I gasped as I came all over my stomach.

I lay back on the bed, panting as Andrew held me in his arms. I could not believe my daydreams had become a reality. I glanced over and looked at his thick, throbbing member. I remember feeling a sudden urge to get up close to it.

I held it in my paw and licked nervously at the tip. I gazed up at the Malamute's face to see his reaction.

Andrew didn't show any sign of discomfort so I continued licking. I tried putting the tip into my mouth and instinctively recoiled at the taste of pre-cum before continuing. I slipped his cock as far into my muzzle as I could and worked my way up and down.

I must have been doing it right as he moaned at me to keep going. I sucked more earnestly, licking up all the pre-cum. Andrew's moans became more intense. Suddenly, he came into my muzzle. I swallowed the warm load down my throat as Andrew gasped in ecstasy.

I collapsed back on the bed and we lay in silence.

Eventually, I suggested that we should wash. The shower in my bathroom was small, but we fitted snugly inside. We kissed again and gently scritched at each other's chests.

Once we felt clean, we returned to bed. I turned out the light and pulled the covers over us. Andrew wrapped his strong arms around me and I fell asleep with my muzzle wresting against his chest.

The rays of dawn peered in through the window and touched my face. I wondered if what had happened that night was just another vivid fantasy, but I was relieved to see Andrew lying next to me.

He awoke and looked around the room in alarm. I smiled at him but his expression of surprise remained. I reached over and took his paw, trying to comfort him.

Andrew's surprise turned to shame.

His brown eyes looked away and he struggled to speak. With a heavy heart, I asked if it his girlfriend would not approve. He nodded.

I watched as Andrew got dressed and made his way out the door. He promised he would be in contact over the summer and with that, he left.

I sat on my bed and watched out the window as he disappeared around the corner. I was too stunned to do anything. After an exciting and intimate build-up, it seemed like such a depressing anti-climax.

My parents arrived later that day and I loaded my belongings into the car. Throughout the journey I kept checking my phone, but there were no messages.

Andrew didn't contact me the next day, or the day after. I knew that sleeping with a guy for the first time must have come as a shock. I was still trying to comprehend what had happened. I considered messaging or calling but resisted, not wanting to come across as too eager.

The silence soon became unbearable.

I caved in and messaged him, but there was no reply.

I tried messaging again, and calling, but he never picked up. I scrolled through his Facebook page but there was no news. The pictures were still there but I felt an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach as l browsed through them.

The summer months dragged by agonizing slowly. I tried messaging again every few days but nothing came back. It was like death by silence and I felt like I'd finally been given a chance at fulfilment with Andrew, only to have it whisked away.

My family must have had an inkling that something was up. "You're quiet today" became the phrase I'd hear all the time. It was ironic given that I rarely spoke at home anyway, but I'd shrug and smile insincerely, claiming that everything was fine.

I was too terrified to tell the truth and I didn't want to come out over someone who had abandoned me.

Then, when I felt utterly gripped by despair, my phone buzzed as a message came through.

Hey,

I feel bad for doing this by a text, but I guess I'm a coward and I don't have the guts to call you to say this.

I shouldn't have run off like that. If I could go back, I'd have stayed with you.

Honestly, I don't have a girlfriend. She's just a friend of mine. I couldn't come to terms with myself. I had feelings for you from the first day we met but I was too scared to act on them. I wish I had behaved differently.

I hope we can start seeing each other again, but if you hate me and never want to speak every again, I understand. I just hope you're ok and looking after yourself.

Andrew.

X

I wasn't sure how to react. Initially I was bitter and considered not messaging back to show him how it felt.

I sat in the garden for an hour, looking over the rolling hills out the back. I suddenly appreciated how beautiful the view was. The sun had come out and it touched against my face. I weighed the phone in my paw, took a deep breath and called his number

Andrew's warm voice answered immediately. He began repeating how sorry he was and that he would come to visit me any time I liked. I told him to stop. I explained it had hurt but I wanted to forgive him.

Then, he said words that were music to my ears.

"I love you"

For the first time in months, my muzzle broke into a genuine smile.