FSE

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--Trainer--

Our walk took us into the woods a bit, down some winding trails and traces that only Helena seemed to know. I let Claire know what I knew, and her response was the sensation of fingertips brushing against my jaw, and a teasing little jolt of pleasure down my spine as she turned her thoughts towards keeping everyone else busy for us.

I was grateful for her devotion, and resolved to demonstrate the same care for Helena, who took us further into the woods, to a stream cascading over smooth, round stones, tumbling to a short waterfall, little taller than I was.

For a moment, she stared at me, over her shoulder, before she turned back to the water, sitting heavily with a sigh. One paw dug at the damp soil, tearing a stone free, swatting it into the stream with a heavy splash.

She turned to face me, and for a moment, seemed small, uncertain. She must have picked up on my thoughts, because she all but tackled me to the ground, pushing her horn into my chest, and dragging her claws across my shoulders, tugging at the clothes I wore with an impatient expression.

“You won’t need any of that. It all comes off. Now.” She demanded, as she stared into my eyes. It was as if I were looking into two very angry rubies, before she turned away, pacing along the stream, waiting for me to do as she said.

I obliged, and sat down on the clothing, unconcerned with the dirt I’d be wearing home. “I’ve upset you.” I said, extending a hand to her. “I’m not sure how. Come talk to me?”

Helena growled for a moment, and sighed heavily, shaking her head. Tension building in her shoulders before she swatted a rock from the bank into the stream, with a loud, heavy splash. She crossed the distance in sullen silence, and all but threw herself down next to me, staring up at me. For a long moment she seemed to almost chew the words she was trying to say, starting and stopping several times, with frustrated growls.

“No. Yes.” She said at last, and rested her head in my lap. “I don’t … “ She growled again. “It isn’t what you did.” She said, staring up at me for a long, silent moment. “It’s what you are.”

“I don’t understand. What do you mean?” I asked, running my hand over her tense shoulders. “How have I upset you, exactly?”

“It isn’t what you’re doing!” She snapped, pointedly looking away. “It’s what you are. It’s the cruelest thing in the world to me.” She sighed, getting up and sitting out of arm’s reach. “The idea that things are going to be okay. That it’s all going to work out.”

“You’re upset because things are going well?” I asked, perplexed by the idea.

“I don’t like when things go right.” She repeated it three or four times as if weighing the words on her own tongue.

She snapped her teeth at nothing in particular, as she looked away from me, sulking. “I don’t like when things go right, because it scares me.” She paused, and sighed heavily. “Fuck it. You wouldn’t understand.”

“If you don’t tell me, I don’t really have a chance to.” I replied, my hand sliding over her shoulders, massaging her tense muscles slowly. “Maybe I won’t understand. Maybe you’re right. Take a chance anyway. We might both be surprised.”

Helena spent a long time silently considering things. Picking her words carefully, speaking slowly. “Things don’t go right for me. They were never meant to, I don’t think.” She said, after a long sigh of resignation. I could feel the anger building in her, in every word. I could see it, in the tension coiled in her shoulders. In the way her needle sharp claws dug at the dirt in every idle moment.

“From the very start, things didn’t go right. What makes you think you’re going to be any different? What makes you think you’re just going to snap your fingers and it’ll all be okay?” She demanded, looking over her shoulder at me. “What makes you so fucking special?” The anger in her tone became a helpless quiet, a whispered repetition as she looked away. “What makes you so fucking special?”

“I’m not.” I replied, with a shrug, one hand reaching up to run over her head. “And I get it, it’s terrifying. Facing it now, without the distractions, without everything going on to keep you from thinking about it all.” I added, as she leaned into my touch. “All we can do is the best we can. Roll with the punches, hope it works out.”

“That’s fucking encouraging.” She more growled than said. “Just… fucking... “

“Helena, why do you want to come with me?” I asked, my fingertips slipping along her horn, taking in the texture, the curve. The subtle marks of old impacts and ridges it bore.

She was quiet for a long time, but eventually sighed heavily, tension draining from her as she rolled onto her back, staring up at the endless blue sky. “Fucker.” She sighed, again, turning her head to look up at me, almost comical in posture, upside down, one paw reaching up towards me. “Because you roll with the punches.”

“Not good enough.” I replied, reaching for her paw, my fingertips slipping over her heavy claws, letting them prick against my skin. “I want a real answer. You owe yourself one, and I won’t settle for less.”

“Fuck. What do you want me to say?” She asked, in sudden irritation. “That I’m envious of the way your partners look at you? That I’m envious of the way you get along with everyone? That the way you take care of them turns me on? That somewhere between the romance and the roughness, you’re the best fuck I’ve ever had?”

I shook my head, interrupting her. “That’s all well and good, even if it sounds like bullshit. But even if you’re being completely straight with me, that’s not an answer. I want to know what you want out of it. What you hope to get from coming with me.”

She fell silent at that, and turned her gaze back to the sky. Her mouth opened, shut, silently, several times before she said another word. “Tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry?” I asked, letting go of her paw.

“I want to have a tomorrow. Not just… today.” She said at last, looking toward me. “I don’t expect you to understand. Just… I want to have a day that feels different. I want the way you make things feel different. The way things are different around you. I don’t… I don’t want to keep living the same lonely, miserable day, over and over again. I can’t. I don’t have it in me anymore.”

She rolled over, and sat in front of me, staring into my eyes, the intensity in her gaze was gone, replaced with something bordering on nervousness. “I don’t know if that’s a good enough answer for you, but that’s the only one I have. I see tomorrow with you.”

“And if tomorrow doesn’t go well?” I asked, reaching out to brush my fingers against her cheek. “Maybe it rains. Maybe we argue.”

“Oh, I’m sure we will, fucker. But think about how good the make up sex is going to be.” She replied with a snicker. “No. I don’t expect things to be perfect. I expect them to be fucking miserable sometimes. But at least they’ll be different. And I know that … you’re the kind of person I can count on when things go wrong. Haven’t you already bled enough to prove that to me?”

I laughed, brushing my fingertips against the bite mark she left on my skin earlier. “Apparently not.” I teased, reaching out to ruffle the fur atop her head.

“I killed the mood, didn’t I?” Helena asked, nuzzling into my shoulder.

“Oh, definitely. Spectacularly, too. But it’s okay. We needed this.” I replied, pulling her close to kiss her. “There’s always tomorrow. Tonight… or we could just say ‘fuck the mood’ and have the least romantic fuck either of us have ever experienced.”

“What a fucking charmer.” She replied with a feigned frustrated sigh as she nudged me onto my back with a forceful push. “I’m game if you are.” She added with a wink, licking her way down my chest slowly. “Oh! … and you are… damn, does this thing ever sleep?”

“What can I say?” I asked, as my hands slid up the back of her legs, pulling her atop me, more or less poised to sit on my face. “Oh, I know, how about mmhph fmm hmflfl?” I teased, as she lowered herself, laying across my belly, giving every bit as good as she was getting.

“That’s the best thing you’ve said all day. Now shut the fuck up and get to work.”

For a moment, I considered doing just that, but with a grunt and a heave, I rolled her onto her back, my hands grappling with her paws, shoving them down in the dirt as I stared into her ruby red eyes, which at the moment were a blend of shock, irritation, and laughter.

“What the fuck?” She demanded, despite her laughter as I pinned her to the ground. “I thought you were going to eat me out, asshole!” She protested, through a fit of the giggles as I ran my hands over her.

“Well I was,” I replied, bringing her paws to one hand, keeping them in a tight grip against her mild struggling. My free hand slid down her belly, slowly. “I really was. But now…” I teased, my hands keeping her in place. “I think maybe we need to figure out who’s really in charge here.”

“Damn it, me and my big mouth… fuck, what do you want me to say?” She asked, with a smirk. “Oh, please master. Your cock is so big and I need it so badly.” She added in a saccharine fake tone.

With one hand pinning her paws above her head, the other slid down her belly, to rub at her sex, teasing her vulva, and almost offering a hint of penetration, but pulling away every time she moved.

“Keep that up, and we’ll be here all day.” I replied, staring down at her, impassively. “It’s fine. However long it takes for you to get the point. It isn’t as if I had plans.” I added.

“Fucking… fine. What is it you want?” Helena asked, as she writhed beneath me. Her fur tickled against my bare skin, and despite her discomfiture, she was careful with all of her sharp points.

I shook my head and smiled, teasing my fingers over her, slowly. “That’s really the question, isn’t it? What do I get? A walking headache who calls me only in profanities and wants to play games.”

“Oh, how about poker?” She asked, sticking out her tongue. “Or spades!”

I had to admit, I loved her spirit. But the rules of the game had already been established. The pleasure stopped, and the teasing continued. She huffed, and whined and stretched just a little. “Oh, come on… don’t be such a bitch…” She pleaded.

I laughed at that, and shook my head. “You first.” I replied, sticking out my tongue. “Now, we have a question to answer, don’t we? What is it I get out of this?”

“Fuck. That’s not fair. I don’t know what you want…” She replied, in a huff. “And I’m not like them. You know that.”

“Oh, certainly. You aren’t, and you don’t need to be. If I wanted a boot lick, I’d tell Claire to get all the ridges. And she’d do it, and she’d beg me for more.” I said, with a chuckle. “Oh, no. You don’t need to be her. It would really never suit you.”

“So how about you give me a straight answer, asshole? You tell me to stop playing games, what about you?” She scolded, glaring daggers at me.

“I much prefer this to spades.” I replied, with a smirk. “But fine. You get one question, make it count.”

For a moment, she was taken aback, her jaw muscles working in irritated idleness, unable to form a sentence, as she stared into my eyes. “Okay. Fine. What is it you enjoy most about each of your girls?”

“Oh, sneaky fuck. That should count for four questions.” I couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “Claire loves being humiliated. She’s fucking filthy and I love how far she’s willing to go. Tempest fucks like she has to prove she’s invincible, it’s wild. Mira is the gentlest, sweetest lover you’ll ever have. Cocoa is uncomplicated and always, always up for a roll in the hay, even if it’s just sneaking five minutes of a quickie when nobody’s looking.” I ticked each off, quickly and succinctly.

“So where does that leave me?” Helena asked, before growling tensely. “I’m not any of them.”

“No. You aren’t. And I shouldn’t answer this without getting something in return, but I can tell it’s important to you. Fine. You challenge me. In a way none of them did. You don’t accept me, and that drives me crazy.” I replied, finally letting up, and letting her up as I sat in the grass, staring towards the water.

“Game over?” She asked, following a little hesitantly.

“For now. We’re still finding our footing.” I replied, pulling a rock out of the dirt between us and hurling it toward the water. I overshot it, and the stone landed with a heavy thud on the far bank.

“You’re wrong, you know.” Helena said, after a moment. “I accept you. But I can’t be anyone but me. You’re also wrong about me lying to you earlier. You really are the best fuck I’ve ever had… because I’ve fucked a lot, but you’re the only one I’ve ever made love to.” She fell quiet in the last words, looking away in embarrassment. I wanted to say something but before I could find the words, she spoke up again.

“I know. I’m a brat. I’m a troublemaker. You think I haven’t heard it a million times already? I know it’s going to bug you. I do it to get a rise out of people, and I’m going to do it to get a rise out of you… but I’ve never been more sure of anything. Okay?” She asked, her heavy paw coming to rest on my bare thigh, cheek to cheek with me. “No games. No lies. I’m with you because I want to be with you. I accept you, and that’s what scares me. That I’m suddenly so sure, when I’ve never been sure of anything, after … my old master.”

I nodded at that, and ran my hand over her head. “You still want to know what I want?” I asked, my hand slipping beneath her jaw, drawing her into my kiss. Whatever words she had fell silent after the first syllable, her paw rising from my thigh to my chest, pushing me back into the grass.

“No... “ She answered, with a gentle smile. “ You said it yourself; Game over. I think it’s only fair you get to know what I want.” With that, she nudged me down, kissing her way up to my lips slowly.

We made love, there in the grass. Her body pressed close to mine, fur tickling my bare skin, paws pinning me down as she took her pleasure, and brought mine with it. Cheek to cheek, nose to nose, and for the first time, eye to eye.

She didn’t protest, when I followed her climax by rolling her over and taking her a second time, harder, rougher. Lovemaking replaced with pure pleasure seeking. Somewhere in the middle of it, she managed to get her paws beneath her, and arched up into everything I was doing to her. Her whole body trembled, as I filled her that second time, and she lay panting, breathless in the damp grass afterward. Her paw came to rest on my thigh once more, well before she could lift her head to join it.

“Helena,” I said, as I began to pet her, stifling a yawn that she grudgingly shared after a moment. “It isn’t what they want I love, it’s that they feel they can be completely honest with me about it. That’s what I want from you. No matter how long it takes.”

“Yeah, yeah. I get it, fucker.” She replied in sarcastic admonishment. “Just… give it time, okay? Like you said, we’re still finding our footing.” She replied, stretching and finally relaxing halfway in my lap. “Let me know when we’re going back. I’m just … gonna shut my eyes for a bit.”

By the time we made our way back to the others, Wendy had gone off for a ride in the hills with Staccato. I enjoyed a late lunch, and settled in for a nap, surrounded by the familiar voices, and loving touches of my family. I didn’t realize I was so tired, but it seemed to all hit me at once. The last thing I remembered was the scent of Claire’s fur, as she cradled my head in her lap, the thick fur of her tail draped over my stomach like a blanket.

--Helena--

I had managed to wear him out. I was a little impressed with myself. It was also a perfect opportunity to see to some unresolved business. I walked into the woods, while the others were distracted, talking to each other. It wasn’t hard tracking her down, the little voyeur. Annabelle got quite the show, and she was about to get quite the earful. If she had interrupted my time with him, I’d have been furious.

More than I already was.

She was back at the little stream where I’d led him, to begin with. For a moment, I wanted to say something cutting, as she stared at the spot we were, one hand extended toward it, as if trying to visualize it all over again.

Instead, the words that came out were far too simple, and direct. “Did you have a good time?” Dripping with venom, I couldn’t hide the frustration I felt. Too hostile. Too hot headed. Just like before. When we used to argue a lot.

She jumped, and almost fell over, but regained her composure quickly, turning to face me. “I can’t hide anything from you, I see.” And she, the opposite. Guarded, careful. Not showing anything more than I already knew. It always bugged me about her.

“No, but you sure tried. I want to know why.” I replied, my claws impatiently digging into the dirt. “You couldn’t just let me have a little privacy?”

“It wasn’t about you. Not … really.” Annabelle said, as she glanced to the treeline behind us. “You came back alone?”

“I’m not dragging them into this. If there’s something to be settled, we’ll settle it.” Oh, and I would. She wasn’t half as tough as she thought, and I knew it. She knew it. It wasn’t the first time things came to blows with us, and she didn’t have a great record. Maybe her heart wasn’t in it, who knew?

“I don’t want to fight. I wanted to know about … him.” Annabelle said, her hands held out apologetically. “I wanted to understand. I needed to know. I’m sorry.” She apologized. Genuine, sincere. She almost never apologized. She always meant it when she did.

“What could you have wanted to know that was worth ruining it for me?” She didn’t ruin it. I enjoyed myself, maybe even more to know she’d been watching, but I wasn’t about to let her off the hook. Not this time. She got away with too much, anyway. Everyone just assumed she was the good one.

“I... “ She shook her head, and sat, heavily. “I wanted to see that it could be different, okay?” She shook her head, leaned in, almost groveled. “I wasn’t trying to ruin it for you. I just… I needed to know.”

Fuck. I felt like an asshole. I understood. I knew more about her than anyone, and I knew how much it tore her up. How worthless it made her feel. She cried, and apologized again and again and I didn’t know what to say, or do, so I sat next to her, and waited.

“When I was little, I thought…” She finally said, sniffling past her tears. Her face was a mess, but she just wiped it off on her arm and kept going. “Maybe I’d always be alone, but I’d get to see Sophie grow up, you know?” Just hearing that name broke my heart. Not a day went by she didn’t think about Sophie. Didn’t wonder. She’d never know if the girl recovered. She’d never know if her friend, or her trainer were okay. They just seemed to disappear. “I… she used to read me her story books. She loved her little princess stories.”

“I wanted to see if it was like the stories.” She shook her head. “That’s all. I wasn’t… I didn’t…”

“I know. I forgive you.” I replied, leaning in, nuzzling against her. The most affection we’d ever shared, but one we had, with more and more frequency of late. “It’s okay. I’m not mad. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I’m sorry.” I almost felt bad for asking, but it was a burning question. “Was it? Like the stories, I mean.”

For a moment, Annabelle stared at me, and despite herself managed to laugh. Genuine, and heartfelt for all that it was brief. “Maybe if the prince married the dragon instead of the princess!”

I couldn’t say a word. The look on my face must have been priceless. She laughed again, but took my paw, and squeezed gently. “It wasn’t like the stories, no. It was better, and I’m happy for you, and for him. You honestly enjoyed him, and I love knowing that. I’m happy for you.” She repeated before turning away, watching the water tumble over the rocks.

“But?” I asked, as I sat down next to her. She didn’t answer for a long time, her hands brushing through the grass in front of her. It was one of her tells, when she was really agitated, she’d do things to tickle her palms. I wondered if she knew it about herself.

“I wish I knew. I want to know what it’s like. To enjoy it.” Annabelle answered at last. “I … all I remember… I mean… you know. After Sophie got sick.” I knew. She didn’t need to explain. I didn’t want her to, honestly. I couldn’t imagine not having any kind of say in the matter. Couldn’t. Didn’t want to.

“Yeah, yeah. If you’re looking for permission, it’s not mine to give.” I said, in dismissive irritation. “I really don’t want to hear about it, Annabelle. You know… I’ve never felt for anyone else the way I feel about him. How am I supposed to feel to hear my best friend tell me she wants to take him away?”

“I didn’t mean to upset you.” Annabelle put her hand on my shoulder, and for a moment I looked up at her, my vision hazy with tears I didn’t realize I was shedding. “I’m not trying to steal him from you. I’m asking you because I’m afraid to do it alone. I … was hoping you’d be with me… that … you’d be there for me. In case… I can’t. In case I’m not okay.” It was unlike her to be hesitant. She was afraid. Honestly afraid. Afraid she might be broken. Afraid she might be incapable.

She had never really been afraid of anything, that I knew of. I’d resented it about her, from the very beginning. But to see her like this? It hurt me. My friend, my rival. So confident, so collected, but all the while she’d been just as hurt and scared as I was. All her anger, all her resentment. The ways we argued. I finally understood. She resented that I never hid my heart, I resented that she hid hers. But we weren’t different, at all. Not in the ways that mattered. Maybe that was why, even when we fought, we were always so close.

“I get it, okay? Fuck... If you really need me to be around, I can do that. I … I don’t want to, but if you need me to be there, okay? I know I owe you that.” I felt guilty for having been so hard on her. I knew how hard it was for her to say. “But, if that’s what you really want, I’m … I think you should talk to him, yourself.”

“I wish I knew how. What do I even say to him?” Annabelle asked, staring at the water. “What could I even say that would make sense? He thinks I hate him, and I spent all this time being so hard on them all.”

“Maybe I should tell you about how I met him…”