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**Just one of those days

Chapter 3**

“Oh, come on!" I yelled, waving my arms as I plead my case at the top of my lungs. “You can't be serious!"

My father sat there in his armchair, pipe at his lips sending tendrils of smoke to twine in the exposed beams of the ceiling.

“Who else do you think I should send? I mean, I could send Sted, but he's otherwise occupied at the moment, being nailed to our front door as an amusingly rotten door knocker. Who else of my people, Cam? Hans Gruber? The Shriek? Billy the goat fucker?"

I looked at him, incredulous he could be serious.

I mean, Billy the goat fucker?

That guy had real issues!

“Well, not Billy, obviously! But…"

He gave me that look, then. The one that had quailed a thousand enemies.

Exasperated, I threw up my hands. “OK, we're a bit short of alternatives! But by the Gods, dad, this is fucking pointless! It isn't even our problem!"

He returned to his papers, drawing again on his pipe as he said quietly “You think they should all die, then, Cam?"

Stumped, I gaped at him, before my natural aplomb returned.

“Well, nooo… But surely there is someone else!"

Dad shrugged in that infuriating way he had.

“I believe this has the potential for a great deal of benefit for our family. I cannot trust anyone else to achieve the same goals. If you can think of anyone more worthy, name him and I'll recruit him instead, Cam. Until then, you're it!"

So, it I was, and that was it!

Seething, I stormed from the room, thumping the timber hard against the startled muzzle pressed against the door, from where it had been eavesdropping on my embarrassment.

Hissing, standing over the dragon as he squatted there rubbing his bruised nose, I gave him a look that left him quailing. “Hear what you hoped to hear, scaly arse? Cause I'm not at all happy with this!"

He surprised me then, rising up to give me a frank stare. “Yes, I am happy with you, indeed. I cannot think of another human who might be more suitable."

I guess my body still wasn't ready for any surprises, as I slumped at that point, rubbing my face tiredly with a hand.

“I'm glad you're satisfied, Argy. Not that you know all that many to compare me to. Regardless, I think this is going to be a huge fight, start to finish. I just hope your trust isn't misplaced."

The dragon shrugged nonchalantly. “I trust you. You have proven yourself worthy of that."

I stared at the creature, lost for a moment in my thoughts.

“You trust me, huh? Yeah, well. I'd be careful around humans, dragon. Trust is something that is often held loosely, and forgone as required. I would have thought you'd realised that when that offal who captured you killed all your friends in the mountains."

Argy turned away, head dropping as he absently scraped a claw across the paving stones in the hall.

“I trust you. I do not trust others, and I do not offer my trust lightly. I have learnt that mistake truly, and it has left me here alone amongst you. So, if I cannot trust you, who rescued me and put his life in my paws, who should I trust? I am alone here, without friends or family. I... I could use a friend right now."

Speechless, I hesitated a long moment before replying, stepping to the despondent creature and laying a hand on its shoulder.

“Yeah… Well, umm… Look, I could eat a horse right about now. How about we go find something to eat, and we can talk about that some more, huh?"

I lead the dragon through the hallway to the kitchen, searching for something to eat, but more to buy time to mull on what he'd said than anything else.

___________________

“This isn't really horse, is it?" Argy said dubiously, eyeing the large chunks of bread in which Cook had liberally stuffed some half-cooked roast lamb, which was originally headed for the noontime table.

With a face stuffed full of food, I was hard pressed formulating anything resembling a reply, but managed to choke out a response before choking on a piece of gristle.

“No, it's lamb. You know, sheep. White, wooly, stupid things, live on the mountains and smell bad. Baaaaah! Those things."

Sniffing the roll again, Argy took a tentative bite, before widening his eyes and cramming most of it into his maw. Chewing noisily, he sighed in bliss.

“That is very good!" he exclaimed, reaching for another which disappeared equally as fast as the first.

Grinning at the humour of it, eating lunch in the sun drenched atrium at the keep centre with a silver pint sized dragon whose face was full of sheep sandwich, I took a long pull from my pewter flagon on beer, leaning back against the moss covered rock artfully positioned beneath the huge willow above.

“You need to be careful here, Argy." I started hesitatingly, watching the dragon pause mid-mouthful as he eyed me nervously.

Sighing, I put my sandwich down and crossed my hands behind my head, closing my eyes as I explained. “I was serious earlier. You need to be wary of everyone you're going to meet. The peasants are superstitious and stupid. You're not going to find many friends there. Most will consider you a demon, and likely want to stone or drown you. The nobles are all out for their own self interest, as you've already found. Power dominate everything. They will praise and compliment you to your face, while plotting to stick a knife between your ribs when you turn your back. The Guilds… Well, the Guilds will be looking for any opportunity to profit from you, and will not hesitate to twist anything you say against you, if it benefits them to do so. The prince… Well… The prince is interesting in his own right, as you're likely soon going to find out. Be careful about everything you say and do with everyone, especially him. One wrong move, one perceived slight, and you'll find them turn on you quicker than a sheep sandwich eaten by a dragon."

Curling up on the soft grass, his wings spread behind him to catch the sunlight, the dragon sighed. “Humans are no different than my kind, then. We connive and plot, to the detriment of our own. If you are saying I cannot trust anyone, then who is likely to help me?"

Chuckling darkly, I muttered. “Oh, basically everyone. That's the problem. You will find everyone can see a benefit in doing so, if for no other reason than pushing them to the forefront of the other butt sniffers. The problem will then be who will be willing to actually provide the assistance you need for your people, without too many complications in the process?"

Head dropping onto his paws, the silver orbs fixed on my face as he said “And your father? Do I trust him?"

My pause was answer enough, although I clarified further. “My father has offered you my assistance in this, which will be the single most significant and detrimental thing you could receive here. I believe he does want to help you, Argy. Regardless of our history, my family has a loyalty to those who return such favours. You saved my life, regardless of the reasons. We have a debt to repay, and my father always honours such. But there will always be those who wish to bring my family down. More of them than you could imagine, in fact. So by aligning yourself with us, you bring yourself to their attention as a target in their ceaseless attempts to discredit my family and my father. You will find nothing is achieved without a cost here."

Musing, the dragon closed his eyes. “I will trust him, and I will trust you. I have no other choice, do I?"

Reaching out to pat the thick neck comfortingly, I said solemnly “No, you don't."

I don't think it was the comfort he was hoping for.

He was surprisingly good company, in an afternoon when I had little else to do, thankfully.

My injuries troubled me, still. My body ached, especially in my chest, and I had occasional bouts of nausea and double vision adding to my woes. Still, compared to how I was earlier, I was markedly improved.

While my official duties to the household were on indefinite hiatus, subject to my health improving, I had no delusions they'd been replaced with other less tangible, although equally critical, ones.

Reading between the lines, I knew my father expected an indirect, albeit circumspect, interrogation of the dragon regarding his motives and his people. Knowledge was power, and dad had spies basically everywhere. It had kept us in favour with the royal family, and at the top of the backstabbing loyalists, for many years now, so any lapse could leave us open for attack.

Still, I felt a little guilty at grilling the creature, given what he'd been through. Hell, I was having a hard time of overcoming what I'd been through myself, even with my many years of training, so I couldn't help but think Argy was putting on a brave face… err, muzzle… when he passed over the worst of what he'd experienced in recent months.

Then again, a small part of me wondered just how happenchance his responses were. Not an especially nice part of me, mind you. The family business rarely allowed for such casual feelings to be ignored, given the life or death alternative it might bring otherwise. But Argy seemed to be giving his information freely, not holding back on details when I questioned him in depth about his people, and his mission.

Question him I did, for many hours, and I think we were both of no delusions as to the reasoning behind it.

In short, big dragons were bad news. No surprise there, given human's had equal experience with the big pricks. But they seemed to take an especial delight in tormenting their smaller cousins, the more gruesome details having even me shudder.

His people, in desperation, had sent out missions to several surrounding territories; the elves, the dwarves, the kobolds, and of course, the humans. Argy's group had left last, apparently, as my people didn't have a good reputation amongst their kind. Snorting to myself silently, I considered the entire scenario a waste of time, and didn't hesitate in telling the silver dragon so.

Elves were arseholes. Huge arseholes. I mean, on a rating of one to ten in sheer arseholiness, they rated a seventeen. Arrogant, sanctimonious, inbred cunts they were, the pointy eared hypocrites. Always admonishing human kind for their aggressiveness, while back stabbing and poisoning their way through life, their social and political lives made human politics seem mild by comparison. While I was likely equally hypocritical, having judiciously poisoned a few opponents of the family in my time, at least I didn't have the blood thirsty love they had. Fuck, I swear they jerked off to it afterwards, the sick bastards.

With this in mind, having offed a number of elves over the years, it was rather more satisfying than it should have been.

Then again, I've always been a bit of a bloodthirsty one.

Dwarves were… Well, dwarves were idiots. No getting around it, really. Not stupid idiots, like the kobolds. No, just… How can I put it nicely? Well, dwarves didn't give a shit unless it affected dwarves. Not self-centred, exactly, but they just carried on as if the rest of the world didn't exist which, as far as they were concerned, it didn't. This infuriated the self-importance of the elves no end, leading to a war I swear both races enjoyed way too much. A good thing, really, as had the dwarves not been present to act as a buffer for the elves conniving, humans would have been in a shit load of trouble long, long ago.

Two strikes for the dragons then. The elves would turn up their noses at offering assistance, and the dwarves wouldn't give a fuck.

Kobolds? Well, let's just say I pity the party who attempted first contact with that race!

I bet they tasted mighty fine.

Kobolds aren't renowned for having the most refined appetites, after all.

So, that left the humans. The last chance for salvation.

Poor bastards were really in the shit there.

So Argy and his group were sent off through the wilds to meet up with the humans, arrange assistance, and return forthwith to end the big bad dragon menace once and for all.

Instead, they encountered mountain trolls, sabre tooth werecats, and when the remainder of the party survivors finally thought the end was nigh and they'd made it through the mountains to safety, a pack of barbarian humans who thought their heads would make mighty fine trophies hanging on the walls of their clan houses.

All except for one silver individual, who was sold to the 'civilised folk', for an assortment of trinkets, only to be sold for scrap body parts in turn.

How valuable a sentient life is in our 'civilised' society?

Not worth a roast sheep sandwich, gravy notwithstanding.

Argy had sort of gone silent in the end, his description of their final slaughter and his subsequent capture fairly brief. Personally I didn't need to know the gorier details, being more than familiar with the intricacies of human nature, but I did find myself feeling increasingly sorry for the poor bastard and his hopeless plight.

I didn't have the heart to tell him I thought he was on a fool's errand.

Then again, as I'd been ordered to help him, I had to wonder who the bigger fool was; him or I?

I asked him a few generalised questions, more to keep him distracted from his gruesome tale than naught. Plus, picking apart a few of the more vague references in his story. In the end, I unwittingly had to acknowledge he was likely telling the truth. Not necessarily all of it, as even his purported 'trust' in me must have had limits, but enough that I couldn't find anything to discredit his account.

Surprisingly, I felt kind of glad at that.

Call it my inner nice person making a rare appearance.

Our exchange was derailed when the messenger from dad arrived. Seems the palace had caught wind of our unusual visitor, and looked forward to our appearance at the earliest convenient opportunity.

Which would be almost immediately, given his royal nub's patience. One didn't keep the man waiting any longer than health dictated, and one's wellbeing could quite quickly change from alive to dead if the delays were deemed unacceptable.

It was a crazy, fucked up world we lived in.

Interesting though, if you liked that sort of thing.

I think my family was a bit odd in that respect.

So, with silver dragon in tow, I returned to the living suites, dumped him unceremoniously back in his room, told him to get himself cleaned up, and retired to my own to do similarly.

Perhaps my brain was still a little more addled than I thought, as I stripped off and dropped with a satisfied sigh into my bath, relaxing in the solitude of the bathing room.

I just assumed dragon's had baths.

I mean, a bath is a bath is a bath, isn't it?

Apparently not.

I started when the door opened, and the dragon came in. Water sloshing everywhere, I dropped deeper into the large pool, ready to cover myself up, when the errant thought cropped up that the creature had already seen me stark naked on more occasions than most of my lovers.

“I think we need to have a few lessons on privacy, Argy!" I growled, standing to reach for a towel. Looking confused, he looked around, shrugging his shoulders as he said in response “Privacy? While you are bathing? I don't understand?"

By the Gods, I thought, mentally rolling my eyes as a pointed to the door. “Door closed, knock first. Door open, ask first. Simple!"

He looked at the door, then at my finger, obviously still confused.

Sighing, I finished wrapping the towel around my chest, the fabric reaching the floor to brush across the tiles with a swish. “We can discuss this in depth later. What is it?"

I swear his cheeks flushed slightly pink as he muttered “How does it work? I see yours has water within, but mine is empty, and I cannot see any buckets to fill it...."

Pausing at the door, I groaned. “Hasn't anyone advised you how to use the plumbing? The taps?"

“Taps? At home, ours are fed from natural springs, which just cycle the clean water through. I can't see how that works here…"

Shit! “OK, see the brass things on the walls? You turn them and… Oh, fuck it. Never mind. Just use mine, alright?"

He made to reply, but I closed the door firmly on his words. I needed some space, and forcing a little privacy on him was as easy a method as any to achieve it.

He obviously took the hint, as soon enough, the loud sloshing of water came from the room, as I raided my wardrobe for items suitable for court.

A forest green silken shirt, and deep russet tunic in a rich, heavy fabric were as good as any. I'd never been one to dwell overly on fashion. As long as it looked good, and felt good, it had better be damned good. The quality was of the highest order, of course, but the cut was simple. Suited me perfectly, in fact.

Dad, of course, was of a different opinion on such matters. His lowly origins notwithstanding, he better understood the value of a good tailor. Over the years, he'd tried drubbing this into me, first verbally and, when that failed, with a hard palm to the buttocks, but eventually gave up when I stubbornly refused to comply.

Today, however, was different.

Today, a little showmanship might be to our mutual advantage.

Leggings always made me itch like crazy, and I reluctantly pulled on a pair, before cramming my foot into a pair of suede, pointed shoes. Normally uncomfortable as hell, these were 'special order', with moulded leather and specialty soles designed for grip. Unlike standard dress shoes, I could run in them as easily as parade for the prince.

They had a second special feature, too.

A hard tap of the heels against each other released a three inch stiletto coated in a rather amusing neurotoxin. Not lethal, of course. Such things in court were deemed particularly crass, and as such frowned upon by the autocracy. Lethal poison was reserved for assassinations in back alleys, which were my favourite haunt for such misadventure. Instead, this poison caused a sudden release of the bowels accompanied by extreme sexual arousal and an overwhelming sense of euphoria. Something dad had come across in his early wanders, which had subsequently proved quite valuable. After all, having your adversary shit his britches sporting a particularly excessive erection, while he was giggling uncontrollably like a little girl, was as good at incapacitating someone as killing them. Plus it had the added benefit of bringing the prick down a peg or two in the eyes of his peers in the process.

Getting appropriately preened took time, and it was approaching the sixth hour of evening before I felt myself suitably attired for the evening. This made the dragon's tardiness especially galling.

He was a big, scaled, naked lizard, for God's sake! How hard could it be?

Surprisingly so, as I soon found out.

Frustrated, I waited another quarter of an hour, the clock on the wall ticking with increasing lethargy until, finally galled into action, I stormed over to the bathroom door and entered without further ado.

Being the epitome of the hypocrite, I failed to follow my own advice, and knock first.

I'm not sure what made the most noise. My jaw hitting the floor with a loud thunk, or the dragon smacking his head on the wall as he shot his neck backward, jaw still agape and dripping pearly white as it left the raging erection from where it had been busily involved a moment earlier!

Flushing deeply, my normal aplomb fled me. “I… Uuh… I mean…." I stammered, pointing to the room outside, as Argy dived beneath the surface, sending a plume of water to engulf the bathroom floor. Resurfacing, with only his head exposed, he let out a snarl and said harshly “You didn't knock!!"

Avoiding the wave of wetness, I gulped and spluttered. “I know! I mean… Hell, we're late, you know!"

Another wave of water followed the first, as he climbed from the bath, excess anatomy thankfully tucked away as he stormed past to enter my bedroom, only pausing to stand dripping and fuming on the rug in the room's centre. I hesitantly reached across with a towel, but he ignored my gesture, instead shaking himself thoroughly, divesting his hide of the bulk of the water, and drenching most of my belongings in the process.

Avoiding the worst of it by retreating momentarily into the bathroom, I ignored the mess and apologised. Shit, what else could I have done!

“I'm sorry. I just didn't think…"

He turned on me then, still clearly angry.

“I do not want to discuss it! We need to leave, do we not? You made that point very clear!"

Hell yeah, we needed to leave!

The faster I got out of there, the better!

Hopefully the maid would clean up the rooms after we left!

Not asking any questions in the process.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­_________________________________

Court was… well… Court.

All pageantry and show, it was hard to imagine that the empire was run from such a crowded, anal environ. But all the butt sniffing and political circling did actually achieve things, on occasion anyway, and we found ourselves at the entry to the Main Hall shortly, ready for introduction into the upper echelons of human society.

Argy hadn't spoken a word to me since we left. The dragon wouldn't even meet my eye, lip curled to expose long canines, still as angry as I could imagine such a creature to look without ripping your throat out in the process.

Anyone else would have been intimidated. I had no time for that, trying in vain to drop the red blush from my cheeks unsuccessfully.

“I'm sorry, alright? I didn't mean to see that! Hell, I didn't want to see that!"

A curl of smoke left the dragon's lips, testament to his anger, as he marched forward relentlessly.

“I do not want to talk about it, I said!" he snarled again, shrugging off the hand I placed on his wing, and nearly taking out a footman standing nervously nearby in the process.

Sighing, I withdrew the offer. “OK, we can discuss this later, I guess. Now, we need to be cool. Cool as ice, alright?"

Argy turned his head to me, stopping suddenly as he forced his muzzle into something resembling less of a lethal threat. “I am smiling, alright? This is my smiling face! See me smile? I am cool. I am so cool, I am surprised I can move at all, as my limbs should be immobile!"

Ignoring the angst, I stepped towards him, putting a hand on his neck and refusing to remove it when he twitched away. Instead, I squatted down beside him and said “Argy, I am seriously sorry. I can't apologise more, OK? But for now, you need to get your head together. Shits sake, it was only a blow job! I've seen much worse! I need you to focus on what's important here. Not that! Your people need you to do that; I need you to do that if we have any hope of achieving anything tonight!"

He tensed, not moving for a long moment, and I thought he was going to retort harshly. But eventually he gave a sigh, head dropping as the muscles beneath my hand unknotted, and he gave me a guilty stare.

“It has been a long time, you understand?" he began, and I rolled my eyes. This was neither the time nor place for this!

I patted his neck, distracting him from continuing and said “Don't worry about it. Human's do that all the time."

Pondering suddenly, I paused and reconsidered. “I mean, not that, exactly. Our neck isn't as flexible as that! But…"

Slapping my forehead, I stopped that train of thought abruptly. “Nevermind! Forget that! Just say we're not a lot different in that respect! Now, we're going to be introduced in a moment. Be cool, be friendly, and most importantly, be professional! These vultures can see a dying carcass a mile away. One false word, one bad reaction, and you're gone, alright?"

Rolling an eye ridge upward in a surprisingly human gesture, he relaxed and gave me a brief dragon smile. “No pressure, then?"

Grinning suddenly, I slapped his hide and stood back up, signalling to the manservant who had been watching our exchange nervously to introduce us.

As the doors opened to the vast throng within, I felt the dragon tense up and again rested a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Her Grace, the lady Camille Southgate, and her companion…"

The man paused, flustered as he hissed “What's your name, dragon? Be quick about it!"

“Just call me Argy!" was the reply, and I grinned despite myself.

This was going to be a very interesting evening, after all.

We might just even live long enough to see it through!

______________________________________________

Authors note:

Rocko laughs hysterically, giving Tpony a hard thump on the back!

My name is Hanz Gruber, and I have come to *** the pooches!

Rubs water from eyes and gains breath. "Oh, those were the days!"

Sighs. Sorry. In joke there, from the way back time.

So, the plot thickens, and the characters are revealed.

Well, more revealed, anyway.

Now, I know I'm going to get a whole lot of comments regarding fleshing out the blowjob bit.

I am, aren't I!

Please, no...

No.

Nooooo....

No.

Please...

If you don't know in my stories plot comes first before boinky bits, you've just received a rude awakening.

Because plot comes first in my stories before the boinky bits.

Just saying, yanno.

So.... No.......