FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Something violently shook at Leo. His sleepy mind kicked his body into gear and he sat up in preparation for an earthquake before realizing he wasn’t in the right place for one of those. He turned back to find Missy kneeling on the bed with a wide smile. “You’re awake!” Leo sighed. “The packages came! C’mon!”

“And how do you know?” Leo asked.

“They knocked on the door and said—” she put on a deeper voice “—UPS!” Leo must’ve heard her wrong or something. He shook his head and rubbed his ears.

“Alright, alright.” He waved her off. “Give me a second.” Leo briefly regretted having ever bought those, then stood up and dressed himself. Missy was already by the door, peeking through the blinds. Not enough to scare anyone on the other side, but still quite enough to scare Leo. “Get away from there before anyone sees you,” he said, walking over to her side. She stepped aside, allowing him to peer through. No poor souls out there for Missy to terrorize, so he quickly opened the door and pulled the packages in.

“Open it up already!” Missy said, clapping her hands excitedly.

“Let me get my knife.” Leo paused. “Actually, here, just trim along the top.” He handed one of the boxes over to Missy. She expertly sliced open the tape, set it down, and eagerly extended her arms for the next one. In moments all the packages were open, allowing Missy to riffle through them. The first shirt she pulled out was the ALF one, of course.

“Cata—”

“Don’t.”

“Can I put it on now?”

“Don’t you want to clean it first? You don’t know where that’s been.”

Missy looked at the shirt, then at Leo. “In a warehouse?”

“And in a factory, and a packaging area, and in a box. How many people do you think have touched it?”

“Hmm... I’ll just put it on for an hour or two!” Naturally. “Just before my shower.” She set the box down and quickly forced herself into the thing. Leo half expected it to be torn to ribbons by the time she got it over her head, but it was clear she had some expertise in not slicing up shirts. She presented herself. “So how do I look?”

“Cheesy.” But it fit her. At the same time it was odd to see her without any pants, or rather, strange to see her wearing a shirt without pants.

“Cheesy is good!” She bent down and dug out something else. Her package of underwear. “Oh there’s blue in there too. Should go great with one of the bras I picked.”

“What about the shorts?” Leo quickly asked.

“Oh, yeah!” She let the pack of unmentionables drop to the ground, just like her interest. Another box held the array of shorts she picked out. Jorts were the first thing she pulled out, holding them in front of her bare hips.

“Going to try those too?”

“Nah, I’ll put on some panties first.”

“First.” Leo held up his hands, causing her to stop in place. “Do you like them?”

“Uh, yeah. Thanks, Leo.”

“Great.” Leo smiled and walked off. “Make sure to clean up when you’re done.”

“Wait! Don’t you wanna see them?”

“Privacy, Missy. Privacy.” Being nude all the time made her far too casual. Something else to fix. In the meantime, Leo went for a quick shower, hoping she really would clean up and not leave a trail of underwear all over the place. Over the hiss of the water he could hear her squeal with delight. Were it not Missy, he would’ve thought someone was being murdered in the other room. It was good to hear her enjoy something born from her own labor. She was finally getting the memo about hard work, or she was having fun playing dress-up. Either was fine.

Leo redressed and stepped out of the bathroom to find Missy standing there in the hallway, tugging on the hem of her shirt. She snapped to attention once she saw him. “Yes?” Leo asked. She was wearing her ‘momster’ shirt now, which still didn’t make any sense.

“Just wanted to say thanks again!” Missy wrapped him in a tight hug.

“Alright, OK. You’re welcome.” Before she parted, she pecked him on the cheek. “That was a bit much.”

“My own clothes are a bit much too, huh?” she said cheerily. Missy continued to stand there, gawking at him.

“Well? Anything else?”

“Oh, uh, just wanted to check myself out in the mirror.”

“Of course. Admire all you want.” He stepped by her while wiping his cheek off on his shoulder. Missy posed in front of the mirror and tugged on her shirt in all sorts of ways. “If you rip it I’m not buying another.” She pawed at the air and continued to play model. Making sure she didn’t rip up the rest of her outfit, his eyes traced downward. Her underwear peeked out from her shorts. “And pull up your pants.” Sheesh. Somehow clothes managed to make her look lazier. Missy hooked a finger into one of the belt hoops and pulled up. That barely helped.

“I shoulda got a jacket too. A cheap one.”

“You’d heat up in something like that,” Leo said as he put away his towel.

“There’s like, fashion jackets, right?”

“You’re asking the wrong person.”

“The only person I can ask, silly.”

“You want to google it?”

“Google is so boring,” Missy replied. “What’s the fun in asking a machine that’s just gonna tell you in some boring way?” She stopped staring at the mirror and turned to Leo. “How do you feel about a fastfood cheeseburger?”

“Too many chemicals. Cheaply made. Like candy but with meat and bread.”

“Google sure wouldn’t tell me that.”

“Good point.”

Missy nodded and put her hands on her hips. “So what’re we doing today?”

“I’m going to find myself a new bed to buy. You can do your chores, and whatever it is you usually do.” Which was watch television. He walked into his room and got his phone. Hopefully they shipped beds just as easily as they did clothing. Just a few days and he’d have his bed all to himself again. A smaller one would be more fitting, but it would look terrible on the bedframe. Plus, if Missy ever wanted to have a movie night again for some terrible reason, there wouldn’t be enough space. He shook his head. No, wait, they could just have those out in the living room.

Leo sat down and went over his phone. He brought up the internet browser and was instantly hit with pornography. Not surprising in the least bit. Missy probably did it more often at night than he realized. He furrowed his brow. He’d have to clean down that couch really well. Leo turned back to stare at the bed. God forbid she did it here. Anyways, it was some generic video that had probably been done several hundred thousand times before. Buffed out man on plastic woman. He closed it out quickly, lest Missy see him and cause a scene. Leo briefly wondered what was her preferred material, if she had any. A stupid thought to be sure, but it’s not every day you got to think about the sexuality of a flesh and blood monster. Still stupid.

Despite its stupidity, curiosity got the better of Leo. Scrolling through the history didn’t help much, as all the video titles had incredibly dumb and plain names. He could tell at the very least that they were all males and females going at it. Teenage years made sure he could easily navigate the absurd lingo used. Could’ve sworn she was more of a hedonist for bodies than just the standard, though. Maybe it was just a flavor of the month sort of thing. Amidst the obvious pornography he saw some entries that curiously had been marked with things like ‘monster’. It was the 21st century and they were still using that silly descriptor for the nether regions, huh? He shouldn’t have been doing this. Leo cleared the search history, trying to toss out the entire thought process as well. Why did the one monster he know have to be plagued by an absurd libido?

It was hard to focus on buying a bed after that. Leo wasn’t interested in reviews at this point, just whatever was rated highest. As soon as he stabbed his wallet yet again, Missy rang out from the living room. Looks like his fate was already sealed for the day’s next event. He peeked out into the hallway. Expectations pictured clothes splayed out on every surface, but they were neatly piled on the dining table along with the boxes. Relatively neatly. Can’t expect Missy to know how to fold clothes too. He inched a bit further to find Missy hopping side to side in front of the television, singing along to a music video. Her singing was on point but she was moving nowhere near to the actual beat of the song.

Leo stepped out into the hallway to get a better view. That was that Wham song, right? As he stepped forward, Missy spun around on the spot and pointed at him. “Last Christmas I gave you my heart!” She clasped her hand shut. “But the very next day you gave it away!” She spun back around and continued with the song. She must’ve enjoyed the clothes quite a bit.

Leo let her finish the rest of the song before interjecting. “Could you keep it down, just a little bit?”

Missy was still swaying. “What? Afraid I might annoy the neighbors?”

“It’s just a little loud for me is all.”

“Don’t you like my singing voice?”

“I do.” He said that a little too plainly. “There’s such a thing as too much of a good thing, though.”

“Why don’t you come on and sing with me? Hmmmm?” The television flipped to a scene of a beach with an all too cheery voice over. “Goddamn ads,” Missy said as she spun back around. “Look, they got all sorts’a songs on here. Even the super duper old ones you like.”

“You know I’m probably not much older than you.”

“I know that. You’re what we can an old spirit. You love all the old stuff.” Leo was going to reply with a newer song that he liked, but couldn’t think of any. It was hard to listen to new music. The radio was terrible. “Don’t worry, we’ll find some new stuff for you.” Before he could say a word, Missy was already searching up a new song. Painfully slowly at that, as she had to maneuver everything with a remote. “Oh!” She suddenly navigated to something else. He was somewhat interested in what she thought of his music taste that she could come up with. Though once the screen popped over to some nonsensical scene with a woman on a stage, he realized it probably wasn’t the best choice.

Missy began jumping up and down in tune with whatever was happening on the screen. It was a costumed woman dancing in unison with some other poor souls. There were flashing lights, even more bizarre costumes, and far too shrill noises. This was Japanese, wasn’t it? Leo wanted to look away, but it was all too intensely aggressive and colorful. Like a train crash where every passenger was a clown. “Boku wa inbayda, inbayda! Da-da-da-da!” Despite being in a completely different language, Missy was perfectly in tune and didn’t appear to mispronounce a thing. Leo would’ve sat down to take it all in, if he could even muster the mental energy to move his legs. The scene lessened for a moment, allowing him to catch his breath. “Mechara beamu. Mee-mee kara meesairu.” Then a few moments it was back to full blast, assaulting nearly all of his senses.

It ended. Eventually. Somehow. Leo rubbed his eyes and asked, “Did you even understand any of that?”

Missy shrugged. “No. It’s catchy though, right? I think it has something to do with aliens.”

“I thought you were going to try and find music I liked.”

“Ohhhhhhh, yeah. That’s right.” Missy nodded. “You don’t like—”

“No. No, I don’t particularly care for whatever that was. I guess I really am an old soul after all.” If this was the new, he definitely preferred to stay with the old, maybe even go back a few decades for safety’s sake. “Anyways, just keep it down.” He still had to decide on his tasks for the day and it certainly wasn’t going to be colored by that in the background. Leo turned around.

“Hey wait, I can find you something good, no problem,” Missy said. She tugged on his shirt, prompting a sigh from him.

He turned back around. “Alright, why don’t you do that while I make breakfast?” He quickly added, “And not whatever it was that you were playing before.”

Missy raised her hands up. “Inbayda!”

“Yes, that. No more of that.”

Missy lowered her arms and continued to sway side to side. It was amazing she wasn’t incredibly dizzy. “So what’s for breakfast?”

“Waffles sound good?” Why even ask? She’d probably eat anything.

“Sounds good to meeeeee,” Missy said in sing-song. She hopped back to face the television. Leo briefly wondered if this was going to be a running theme, then headed for the kitchen. He passed the dining table, seeing all the clothing piled on top of it. He should have reined her in a bit more on the shirt designs. There wasn’t a chance he could take her serious with her wearing some of them. Especially not the stupid face one. What was a po— Missy started up the next song, hurrying Leo along.

It had been a while since he had made waffles, but the batter should still be good. Leo glanced over at the television, which now had album art of some yellow man being smeared across the side. How the heck does she find this stuff? Leo pulled out the waffle iron and poured in the batter, trying not to let the odd music get the better of him. It wasn’t Japanese, at least, but there was a curious ambience that almost sounded like tortured machines. Stuttering voice samples entered the mix. At first, Leo assumed there was an echo to them, but he quickly picked up on Missy’s expert parroting of them.

She walked toward him, moving with the long drawn out synths and copying those chattering voices. Leo furrowed his brow and turned his attention back to the waffle iron. He could still hear her creeping up on him. Then it stopped and she asked, “So are those gonne have blueberries in ‘em?” The banal question eased Leo, much to his amusement.

“No, sorry, no blueberries. I’ve got some strawberries I can put on top if you’d like.”

“Oh, nah, I already ate those yesterday when you were at work. Good thing too ‘cause they were going mushy.” She tapped her fingers on the counter. “So you like the song, eh?”

“This is music? I was certain someone was hitting a computer with a hammer.”

“It’s from the 80’s, I thought that would be old enough.” As she spoke, the music moved more into actual melodies rather than the aural mechanical hellscape it was portraying.

“This part is... alright I guess. Does it have to have those mumbling voices? I feel like I’m peering into an insane person’s mind.”

“That’s what makes it cool! It’s like a computer is making its own music.” Just as she said that, the next song faded in. More whacky vocals and harsh tones. Missy was right back into the tune, stiffly moving her body around with the stilted beat. That’s probably what she imagined a robot to move like. She stopped dead in her tracks, with her head shifted sideways and arms mid-karate chop. “Neat, huh?”

“Compared to the other stuff you were listening to, sure.” He opened the iron and set aside the meal with a fork and plate. The next batch of batter went right in. Leo wasn’t feeling in the mood for anything heavy for breakfast, so he figured a dollop of syrup and butter would be good enough. “Why don’t you put on some ‘dad rock’?”

“I’m not in the mood for dad rock. Plus I listened to all of your stuff anyways. I’m full on the stuff.” Hearing her copy something from The Kinks might be too much for him. Best leave her to her things. She fiddled with the remote some more. Leo considered telling her not to use it in the kitchen, as petty an argument as that would be. Better not. The next song quickly came up. Missy put the remote up to her mouth. “Hey! Hey! You! You! I don’t like your girlfriend!” Leo leaned on the counter and placed his head in his palm. She could have this. Just this once.

_

Leo had settled into breakfast and realized how odd the situation had become, yet felt entirely natural. Sitting opposite to a night creature idly humming to herself. She was singing before Leo kindly asked her not to do that while eating. In the background Claire de Lune played after much convincing from Leo and a wrangle of the remote. He usually ate while thinking about other things, but admittedly he enjoyed having a little background music. “This isn’t a fancy meal to go with the song,” Missy said.

“Sorry, I don’t have any ingredients for Fish a la King.”

“Ooh, that sounds fancy.”

“Waffles.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She picked up the fork and began cutting into it as best she could. “So what’s new with you?”

“You know what’s new with me.”

“That’s kinda sad.” She took a bite. “I mean like, since I wanna hear new things in your work.”

“Nothing new.” It would be a terrible joke to ask the same of her. Somewhat sad, Leo supposed. His two friends were his boss and the potential manifestation of his imagination. Neither of those two were good options in life. He had something of an excuse. He was busy, couldn’t do anything else. Work and his other hobbies demanded 100% attention, which was now being sapped away by his helpless roommate over there. He should probably be checking the lights in the house right now. Leo took a bite of waffle. “You like DeBussy?”

“Pfffthahaha, what? Is that the guy’s name?”

“Yes, Claude DeBussy.”

“Good thing he’s dead because—” she paused to laugh “—he’d get laughed out of anywhere nowadays.” Missy sighed with a grin. “I guess it’s alright. Doesn’t get me in the mood, though.”

“What?”

“The mood to do things. Like a sugar hit or something. I wanna sleep.” She tore into more waffle, butter dripping off the piece and onto the plate.

“I can’t imagine that Japanese thing has a much better name.”

“Well I can’t read it.” She shrugged. “But it gets me groovin’. I think it’d work for you if you could get the boring bug surgically removed.”

“Sure, I’ll get the procedure done once you raise the cash.”

“Don’t try me. I’ll sweep up a whole storm and force you to listen to everything I like.”

“Why would you even want to feel the need to do things? You watch TV most of the day.”

“Hey, that doesn’t mean I don’t wanna do things.”

“So what would you do in this hypothetical, then?”

“Jog through the woods? Climb trees again?”

“We can do that after breakfast if you want.” Leo nodded. “Not with the music, though. I think anyone seeing you with that playing might give them some sort of brain stroke. I’d definitely die of embarrassment too.”

Missy dropped her smile and tilted her head. “What would you do if someone saw me?” She took another bite. As obvious a question as it was, Leo was somewhat blindsided by it. He wasn’t sure himself. In reality he’d probably try to get Missy to flee and act as if she were a wolf or something. That would be outdoors. Indoors, well, assuming the person was outside he’d fervently deny it or mention a dog. Or maybe a really large cat. Yeah, I keep a puma. Nothing to see here officer. Inside? Probably begging. He’d beg for Missy? The old him would probably call that a new low.

“Guess I’d probably try and distract whoever saw you. What are they gonna say to the police? They saw a guy conversing with a shadowy creature? Straight to the psych ward.”

She put on a slight smile. “Maybe they’d fall in love with me instead.”

“Then I’d probably still do the same.” He realized how awkward that sounded. “Since anyone who would do that definitely has a screw loose.”

“You’re a true romantic.” That smile lessened, but still hung on. “You would really try and save me, though?”

“Save sounds a bit dramatic, but what choice do I have? If someone carts you off, I’m definitely going with.”

“So uh, what if you could get away scot-free? No witnesses. No police. No men in black. Just straight home.” Just tack that question on too. In some way it was embarrassing to say that he’d still try to cover for her. He would, of course. Inherent masculinity or the idea that she would probably lord that fact over him for the rest of time. The opposite, however, of her falling into a serious depression of him saying he’d take the opportunity was far worse for several reasons.

“I’d still try to ‘save’ you, OK? I thought we went over this a while back.”

“OK, OK, it’s just nice to make sure.” Missy nodded. She looked up at him, then back down at the waffles. He could feel her wanting to add some other sort of qualifier to that question. She snapped back up again. “OK, but what if there was money involved?”

“Missy.” She bowed her head, still gazing up at him. Leo supposed that, in some way, she really did deserve a proper answer to that. He was her only lifeline after all. “Fine. No, I would not sell you out for money. No matter the amount.”

Missy popped up and went back to gorging on waffles. “Thanksh,” she said. “I would do the shame fur you!” Leo briefly imagined a world full of Missy creatures. He would certainly be persecuted there, or maybe he’d be hailed as a hero for being the only one to work. She swallowed. “Ya know, if things were switched.”

“I got it.” Leo didn’t doubt that. Things sure would be a lot different in her world. He couldn’t even begin to imagine the things she might want if he were in her debt. Fortunately there was no real way he could imagine having to owe her for anything. Not as long as he didn’t make any stupid deals. “So you wanna go for a walk after breakfast?”

The lazing monster glanced back at the window. “Nah, not today,” she said with a shake of the head. She might still be a little jumpy about the fog. “You know what I feel like doing?”

“You don’t have many options.”

“Videogames.”

“I don’t have those.”

“Yeah, I thought so. I guess it’s back to watching movies.” She finished off her waffles and wiped down her mouth with a napkin. “Or, you know what?”

“I really don’t know.”

“How about we do one of your things?”

“My things? Care to be a little more specific than that?”

“Your uh, fish hook thingies. With the dazzlers and the uhm, other things.”

“And why would you want to do that?”

“It’s fair, right? You watched movies with me so I’ll—” she waved her hands about “—do the fish stuff whatever with you.” Missy had a way with words for sure.

“Do you even know what I do when I go over those?”

“No, but you can tell me, right? Isn’t that the fun part of getting people into the stuff you like?” Not really. New people never could get into the serious aspects of collecting.

“OK, fine, I guess. You can’t complain that it’s boring.” More that Leo didn’t feel like being dragged into a movie. At least not yet. “Let me just finish my breakfast.”

She propped her head up on her hand and stared. “I can wait.” For once, he wished she didn’t.

_

“What’s that one?” Missy said, pointing to one of the many lures in the box.

“A plug,” Leo replied.

Missy eased up closer to him. Her furry elbow pushing up against his. “And that one?”

“A spoon.”

“How do they come up with the names of these things?” She pointed to another. “This one must be a flibbly wibbly, and this other one must be a spinnywinny.”

“They’re named based on design, mostly.”

“That thing sure don’t look like a spoon to me.”

“It’s got the concave part here, like a regular spoon.”

“So what are the ones not named after what they look like or do or whatever?”

Leo pushed the lurebox over to her so she would ease off, but she didn’t get the hint. “Here, this one is a Florida Special.” He held it up and then placed it on the collection board in front of them.

“Florida? So it’s for catching gators, right? And druggies?”

“Something like that.”

Missy stared at the lure. “Why do you collect these things? Other than for fishing, I mean.” She looked back down at the box. “A lotta these look pretty old, so like, you wouldn’t use them, right?” Leo was surprised to hear she had any ability to date something in such a tame way.

“It helps me rest easy at night knowing I have a super duper triple hook spinny fish in a box. Or whatever it was that you said,” Leo replied.

Missy smiled at him. “OK, but seriously. Is it really just the history?”

“If I had an answer, I would be able to get a therapist for it.” Leo stared at the little ancient fish. In the simplest terms, they were neat. He couldn’t quite wring his brain out for any more answers than that. Sure they were almost like historical artifacts. He couldn’t go dig up a caveman’s spearhead, but he could hold onto a decades old fisherman’s tool, which was a pretty close analogue. “Isn’t there stuff you think is appealing enough to hold onto?”

“Uhhhh, I used to line up beanie babies I guess?” Missy said with a shrug. She held up another lure. “But with those you could hug ‘em and give ‘em names. All these things do is poke you and kill fish.”

“No, that’s what a dehooker is for.” Leo quickly opened the desk and produced the tool, setting it next to the box.

“Wow, you’ve got it all, huh?” Missy carefully set the lure down, much to Leo’s surprise. “You gonna put ‘em in a museum when you get older?”

“I could give them to my kids, right? If they’re into fishing, anyways.” Hopefully. “At least they’d be worth a pretty penny if they don’t.”

“Oh, so it’s a nest egg too. Hope you aren’t planning on naming them stuff like Florida Special.”

Leo began setting up some lures on the board, arranging them on date. “That would be child abuse, plain and simple.”

“I never know with fishers.” She gasped. “We should get you one of those fishing hats that dads wear!”

“You think something so tacky would fit on me?” Leo asked, somewhat earnestly.

Missy sized him up. “Maybe not.”

“They would probably fit on you though.” Leo glanced at her repulsive ALF shirt. He quickly realized that her bare fur hid a lot more bosom than he knew.

“I was gonna say no but you’re toooootally right! I should get one next time you go fishing!” Yes, have you seen the redneck of the lake? Fascinating creature. Before long she would be wearing overalls and chewing on the grass for no other reason than ‘it’s funny’. “Which one is your favorite fishy doodad?”

“For use or aesthetics?”

Missy stared at him for a moment, brow furrowed. “I guess for looks?”

Leo pulled out one of his more refined lures. “I’m quite fond of the Dowagiac for looks. Soft coloring, faded wood, prominent eyes. It doesn’t quite look like a minnow despite being called one, but I think that makes it more amusing.” He turned it over. “Good contours too.” Yep, it was a true antique beauty. He glanced back to Missy, who was scratching her head. “You know you don’t have to do this.”

“Oh no, I wanna see this. Just uh, tryin’ to figure out the whole appeal of fake fishies.” She held up a hand. “I mean, they’re nice! But...” Leo had to commend her for making the effort, however misguided it was. “Guess you’d have to be a fisher to appreciate them, huh?”

“Maybe.”

“How’d you get into these? Aside from being a fish guy.”

“My dad gave me one when he was digging through the attic. Later I got older and needed a lure, didn’t want to use the old one so I went off to buy another. Turns out the market was selling some older lures from the same set.” Leo shrugged. “Just had to get them too, you know?”

“Oh you got addicted.” Missy smiled.

“I imagine it’s better to get addicted to lures than any other thing.”

“Better than drugs. Though with you I wonder if these are your drugs.”

Leo narrowed his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, everyone has an addiction, right? It’s good to know you have one too.”

“I can guess a few addictions of yours,” Leo said as he glanced at the board. She did have something of a point there, but lures had a practical use too, they weren’t just pretty to look at.

“You know, you got a lotta these but I don’t see any fish pictures or fish trophies or fish in general.”

“Those are extremely tacky. The fun part is fishing.”

“What?! No it isn’t!” Missy burst out into laughter. “You sit in one spot for an hour and wait for a bite.”

Leo inadvertently sighed. Her outburst got the better of him. “There’s more to it than that. Why do you think there are so many lures?”

“Different fish?”

“Anyways,” Leo started, “I think we’ve had enough fun with this.” He began carefully putting everything away.

“You sure?”

“Well, you don’t seem to be enjoying it.” Not in the right way. “Isn’t that the important part?”

“Yeah! Yeah... Uh, maybe we should find something to do that we both like?”

“I’m not in the mood for a movie right now.”

“No. Not a movie. We can find something else, right?”

The chances of that seemed slim to none. “Well, if you find something you let me know,” Leo replied, wholly not expecting that to ever happen. In a way that was a shame. Missy was going to be here for a very, very, very, very long time. Each very that crossed his thoughts made him feel more and more tired.

“Are you gonna make the attempt, though?” Missy asked.

“I’ll try anything once.” He quickly added. “Except karaoke.”

Missy inched closer to him, placing a hand on his chest. “I bet you have a lovely singing voice!”

Leo grabbed her wrist and carefully pushed her hand away. “I haven’t sang in years.” Now that wasn’t true at all. He wasn’t giving Missy an inch.

“Oh?” Her hand quickly maneuvered onto his, wrapping those spindly digits around his palm, interlocking their hands. “Maybe you’re more of a dancer?” Leo was squicked by the odd sensation of her elongated digits rubbing across his skin. She did a little jig before Leo came back to his senses and pried loose from her.

“Not dancing either,” he replied, wiping his hand off on his pants. She wasn’t filthy, or she shouldn’t be, but the ghostly feeling lingered on his skin. “Think of something else.”

Missy flexed her hand. “I guess there ain’t much for us to do.” Was that a hint of somberness in her voice? Knowing Missy she could have been joking or legitimately sad. Unfortunately for him, he was burdened with the task of keeping her happy.

“Well what would you want to do?” Leo asked, backing off from her.

“Oh, oh, we could watch youtube videos or— or— or listen to music, or just watch random things on TV. Maybe we could cook something together and just put whatever in there! Do you have any board games? We could play those too!”

There weren’t a lot of options for sure. “You want to carve wood?” Leo joked.

The question made Missy calm down and tilt her head. “What?” Worked like a charm.

“I have some woodcutting tools, you’d probably be good at it.” He gestured over to another worktable.

“Don’t mess with me, Leo, I wanna have fun.”

“I’m already having fun, as it turns out.”

Missy rolled her eyes. “Just trying to find something enjoyable, OK? We’re you know uh, good uh, roommates.”

“You mean friends?” While Leo had already accepted his fate as such, there was a permanence to saying it out loud.

Missy shrugged but gave no real response to that. “All I’m saying is we should do more fun things except a movie once a year. Turns out fishies aren’t as cool as I thought,” she said, patting the table.

“We don’t need to constantly be doing things though. We can do our own things.”

“It gets boring by myself though, and you definitely totally said no talking to people online ‘cause they’re all mega stalkers.” Which was fair. “Plus you’re a cool guy. Who wouldn’t want to hang around you?” Leo couldn’t even work up the energy to smile at that sentence. A moment later her expression dropped and her eyes widened. “What’s in the safe by the way?” she asked, gesturing over to the large metal box in the corner.

“It’s a gun safe, you figure it out.”

Missy was taken aback. “So you really do have a gun?” she asked in a near whisper.

“You thought I would lie about something like that?” Leo replied. “And it’s plural.”

“Can I see it?”

“Are you alright?”

“It’s kinda weird knowing someone has a gun. Almost like, scary.” She sized up Leo.

“I’m not going to kill anyone.” Not without perfect reasoning. “Here.” He walked over to the safe and placed a hand on the dial. Leo paused then stood in front of Missy to obscure the dial. With a final click it popped open, revealing the one rifle he owned. “Stay put,” he said back to Missy as he went over it. Unloaded, racked several times, chamber clear, safety on. Leo carefully eased back around to present the thing. “Nothing to be afraid of.”

Missy furrowed her brow as she stared hard at the thing. She brought her hands up. “That thing isn’t loaded, right?”

“You think I’d show it to you if it was?”

“Good point.” She continued to stare and stare and stare.

“You want to hold it?” Missy was too stunned to make a bad joke, fortunately. “It won’t bite.”

“Are you sure that’s OK? I’m not gonna break it?”

Leo held back the urge to tease her fears a bit more. She had every reason to be scared of a thing she had only ever seen in movies or terrible news. “Stick out both hands.” The woman obliged, presenting her palms. Leo eased the thing down into her grasp, letting her get a feel for its weight.

“Woah that’s heavy,” she said before snapping back into uncertainty. Missy continued to stare at the thing like it might explode at any second. “Why do you have this?” She looked up at Leo. “I mean, not that it’s bad or anything...”

“It’s just for protection.”

“So you haven’t blasted any deer with this?”

“No. I don’t think deer have any intent to break in.”

“You never know.” She pursed her lips. “You can take it back now.” Missy held the thing up with wobbly arms. Leo took it from her, wondering if fear was getting the best of her or it was just too heavy for her. He promptly put it back in its place, closing the safe snugly with a loud click. “Uh, what was that kind of gun called?

“It’s an AR-15. Got it real cheap by assembling it myself.”

“You can just make those?” Missy said, eyes widening. She shook her head and crossed her arms. “I thought that was super illegal. Terrorism illegal.”

“Of course not. Also, just so we’re clear, you don’t touch this safe. Ever.”

“Hey man, no complaints here.”

“Good. You think of anything you want to do? If not, I’m going to chop some wood,” Leo said.

“What? Why?”

“I like to keep stocked on charcoal. Maybe have a barbecue.”

She immediately perked up. “Ooh, that sounds nice! You get right on that, lumberjack.” Leo was slightly disappointed she didn’t actually think of anything. It wasn’t like it would have been anything good, but he was curious what next stupid thing she’d pursue.

“Sure thing. You gonna hunt another grouse for me too?”

“No!”