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You and Walter walk reluctantly back into the lab, w** orry and distress can be seen on both **** of **** your face *s. Loka notices that something is bothering you and *** the biologist ***. God, how are you going to break this to her? “Uh, Loka, the food you are eating is not compatible with your body's molecules. Uh, YoUr GoNnA sTaRvE Too DEATH!” You say in your head. How can any average person understand* this if you told that to them? It would be pretty hard for people to comprehend this if they don’t read the science behind it. A** nd Loka is pretty naive about the world. So, this is gonna be a tough one to explain to her.**

“Joe, is something wrong?” She asks anxiously.

Walter elbow jabs you on your arm. “Tell her or I will.” He says.

“Tell me what?”

You fiddle your thumbs with the shakes, y** ou might as well be telling her her cause of death at this point. “Ah, Loka… I don’t know how to tell you this… But, we think the food here is not compatible with your body...”**

The monster looks confused and doesn’t seem to be taking what you are saying seriously. “What? How can it not be compatible? I ate it and it settled down in my tummy without any issues. Is your cooking bad or something, doc?”

“No my cooking is fine. But, It means that the food we have here may not have any nutritional value for you. Meaning, if our hypothesis is true… You… Could… Starve to death.”

“** Wait ***, how can I starve if I eat your food? That doesn’t make sense.”*

“Let me help explain this to her, Joe.” Walter says. “In molecular biology, life on this planet has DNA that spirals to the right. and that means that organisms here need to consume nutrients that have left-handed amino acids and right-handed sugars. If they consumed right-handed amino acids and left-handed sugars, their body would be unable to absorb the nutrients and they will eventually die from starvation. We have a hunch that your DNA may spiral to the left and if that is the case, you may not have enough time.”

She still looks like she is having a hard time getting it, but she seems to also understand that she's in possible danger being here in our world. “** L ***et me get this straight. Are you both telling me that I could starve here, even if I eat* your food?” You both nod your heads to confirm Walter’s possible conclusions. “That sounds kind of dumb, are you guys pulling my leg?” You both shake your heads. You and Walter are very serious about this.

“This isn’t a Joke.” You say. “We think you may be in real danger.”

“Yeah, Loka. This is no joke. Remember, I’m the molecular biologist here. I know what I’m talking about and I need to do some testing ASAP to confirm if my assumption is true or not.”

She gets jittery when she hears him talking about tests. “Tests… You mean on me?”

“Yes, I do mean that. Don’t worry, it will be like any other physical or blood test you probably take from your monster doctor. The only difference here is I’m going to be doing all of them at once and I’m probably gonna need a stool sample from you too.”

“A stool sample? You mean you also want my… Poo?!”

“No shit, Sherlock. How else am I to know if your body absorbed the food you ate already or not.” Walter runs over to one of his cabinets to get a needle and a few vials for the blood test. He walks back to the monster with all of tools in hand and she does not look happy about the needl** e he is carrying at all ***.*

“No! Not the needle. Walter, I don’t like needles. Please!” She begs.

“** Loka ***,* d** o you always act like this around your doctors?” **** He **** remarks. “Lo *ok* , I see that you don’t like needles, but I just want to get the hardest test out of the way for you. It’s just a blood test. It won’t take that long. and besides, after you finish this the other tests will take no time at all.”**

She runs to you in desperation, hugging you and pleading to you. “Joe! Please don’t let Walter do testing on me! I don’t want the needle!” ** The monster **** cries on you after **** having **** her little panicked tangent.**

You hug her in return to console her. “** Don’t worry ***, it’s just a blood test. We just want to make sure that you* can live here without any serious health issues, okay? Walter is not going to hurt yo** u. **** I’ll **** even **** get you something after all of this if you want?”**

She looks up to you with tears still watering out of her eyes. “Really? You’ **ll** get me a gift? What is it?”

“It’s a surprise. You first have to let him do his blood test on you and I promise to get it for you afterward.”

The monster rubs her face against your chest, smearing her tears on your shirt as she still hugs you. “I’ll do the test for the present, doc. I trust you.”

“What, you don’t trust me?” The biologist says with offense.

Loka turns to him. “I’ve been around ** him **** more than you Walter. It’s nothing personal. I just got to get to know you a little more.”**

“I get that. But this test I’m giving you does not come from vitriol or hate. I do want what’s best for you just like Joe does. That’s why I want to conduct these tests. Cause if these tests prove you do not have the same molecular chirality as we do, I need to look for a way for you to survive here without starving to death. ** A *nd god knows what would have happened if you aren’t and we never tested for it.” Walter walks over to a chair and points Loka to it. “Please sit down for me. This will only take a few minutes, then the other test* s **** will take no time at all.”**

You walk the frightened monster over to the chair he wanted her to sit on. She is still holding on to you as she walks over cautiously. She sits down on the chair and Walter moves her left arm on the chair’s armrest. The man puts some gloves on and applies alcohol on a pad to disinfect the area he plans on inserting the needle in. “** Hey ***.” He asks. “Do you have a preference for which arm you want me to take your blood from?”*

The monster gets a squeamish look on her face. “It doesn’t matter. I guess my left arm will do.”

Walter applies the alcohol on her arm. He takes some time trying to look for the vain in her arm. You hear him murmuring under his breath about the fur getting in the way and he’s annoyed that he can’t find the vein quick enough. Once he finds it, he ties the tourniquet around her arm. “Relax, Loka. ** Just r ***elax your arm. Fidgeting only will make it worse.”*

“Joe, can I hold your hand?” She extends her free arm out to you, her eyes beg for you to comfort her. You take her hand with both of your hands. She grips the hand ** i ***n her palm tightly in return.*

Walter inserts the needle into the vein. She closes her eyes and looks away from her arm once the needle goes through her skin. In the vial, you see red blood flowing into the tube. “Well, it looks like your blood has some form of hem. If you're not sure what hemoglobin is, it’s what makes your blood red. But now the real question is whether that hem is left-handed or right-handed?” Walter finishes filling one vial and fills up two more vials after the first one. Walter gets some cotton for her so he can apply it on the pinprick on her arm and also fetches some bandages for her as well, h** e wraps the bandages over her arm soon afterward. “All done. See that wasn’t so bad was it.” He says to her. Loka mumbles back at him **** in **** aggravation. Walter gets a swab and vial out of his cabinet with a pair of scissors. “Say ahhh for me.” She opens her mouth and he gets a swab of **** saliva ***. He puts the swab in the vial and puts it with the blood. “Do you mind if I can get a few hair clippings from your fur? I promise I won’t take too much.”*

The monster rolls her eyes at him. “Grrrr… Sure.” She growls.

He takes h** er **** hair clippings and puts them in another vial. **** The monster lady **** is still holding your hand tightly as she grinds her teeth out **** in **** annoyance, **** getting more and more agitated with the biologist’s tests as time goes by ***. You pat her on her back. “Calm down,* lady. These tests aren’t that bad. Walter just wants to make sure you’ll be okay here in our world. That’s all.”

She moans to your response. Walter then comes back with a cup with a lid and a clear plastic container. “We’re almost done.” He says. “I just need a urine sample and a stool sample from you now. I need you now to handle your personal business in the bathroom for right now, okay?”

Loka lets go of your hand to cross her arms. She gives Walter a nasty look as he is trying to hand off the cup and the container to her. She gets up from her chair and snatches the containers from his hands. “Ugh, Where’s the bathroom, Walt?”

“I’ll walk you to the closest one.** ”**

Walter leads the irritated monster lady out of the room and to the nearest bathroom. A few minutes later, He comes back into the lab. You walk over to him to discuss what he’s going to do with the samples he already has. “How long are these tests going to take? I’d like to know if she is molecularly compatible with us as soon as possible.”

“These tests could take a day or so. I can’t speed it up.” He says.

“Is there another way we could figure out if her body will absorb this planet’s nutrients or not? Like is there a drug we can give her that could speed up her metabolism or her digestion?”

“Like what? Like a laxative or something?”

Both of your faces light up with an idea. Laxatives can help with digestion. So if she does have the same molecular chirality as you, they would make her have to use the bathroom a** nd this would prove that she has our molecular chirality. But if they don’t do anything, then that would confirm she doesn’t have the same molecular chirality and that would be a very bad thing for her.**

“Walter, do you have any laxatives?”

“I have some at home, but I don’t keep anything like that in my lab. Once Loka gives me her waste samples you guys are pretty much done here. Just buy some laxatives at a Walgreens or something. If it works, then she’s probably going to be stuck on the shitter for quite some time. It would be best if you do that at your house. It would give her more privacy, you know.”

A few minutes later, she comes back into the lab with her piss cup and stool sample. “Here’s my pee pee poo poo sample, creepy Walter!” She says as she hands the samples to the biologist.

The man laughs at her as he takes her samples. “Aw, how cute.” He continues to laugh and her face gets all flustered from her embarrassment. Once he puts the samples away, he turns back to her. “Don’t get so worked up. Stress is not good for the body after all. Sometimes you have to make your life into a comedy to truly appreciate it. You’ll look back at this with laughs.”

The angry little monster just grumbles and growls at this. She walks to you and tug** s **** your shirt. “Joe, can we go now?”**

“Yeah, Walter got what he needs. We can go now.”

She grabs your hand as you walk her out of Walter's lab. You say your goodbyes to him as the two of you leave. After a few minutes of walking, you and Loka get in your truck. As you take your seat, you offer to help her with her seat-belt again but she shoos you away and puts her seat-belt on herself. As you drive out of the parking lot, you can tell she is really grouchy right now, s** he took those little test ***s* a little too hard. You reach out to rub the back of her head, s** he leans in on your hand with contentment as you **** pet **** her head. “Are you ready for that present?”**

Her eyes lit up with glee when you tell her this. “You’re really going to get me a present?!”

“Yep, I am. You did all of Walter’s test for him, but I wish you were a little nicer to him though.”

“Who asks for poop? That’s gross!”

“Loka.” You say with castigation. “I would ask for the same thing if I was in his shoes. He’s just trying to understand your biology. You are a new species to us after all.”

“You’re really gross, doc.”

some time later** , you reach the AT *&* T store you wanted to go to. You wanted to buy her a cellphone so she can keep in touch with you if you are not at the house for any reason. She stays in the car as you are making the transaction. You didn’t want to tell her what you were giving her because you wanted to surprise her. But, once you show her the Iphone that you just bought for her, she was ecstatic. She had the biggest toothy smile when she took the cellphone out of your hands. “Oh my god! You don’t know how much I missed having a cell phone. I **** still feel annoyed **** that **** I left my cellphone in the monster world. I feel so stupid just thinking about it.” She hugs you in response and gives you a surprise kiss on the lips. She’s quick about her kiss and immediately sits back down on her seat to tinker with her new cellphone. A giggle escapes her lips as she plays with her phone. You’re blushing in response to **** that surprise smooch she gave you. **** The monster **** takes a quick peek at you, examin ***ing* the aftershock of her surprise kiss. She gives you a wink with her left eye and then looks back to her new phone.

You want to have more with this cute furball. Maybe I should kiss her bac- NO! NOPE! STOP! Get a hold of your self man! She is an alien and your research. That is just wrong. If you were to have any girl in your life, you would want to go all the way with her. You want a family at some point in your life. You’re twenty-five after all. You are still very young. You can still find someone who can offer you that. Loka can only offer you sex. She cannot offer you a family. You have to stop listening to your dick and listen to your brain. God, what is wrong with you? You need to set her straight with this stuff. “Loka.” You ask her sternly but s** he doesn’t respond. “Loka!” This time she turns around to face you. She has a mischievous grin on her face.**

“What, Joe? Is something on your mind? Or should I say is someone on your mind?” She leans up really close to you to lay her head against your chest.

“She’s doing it again! Stop her!” Your brain yells out in your skull. You reposition her back on her chair and she gets pouty over your rejection.

“You’re mean!”

“** W ***e’ve been over this. This is not appropriate. I like you as a friend, but we can never have that kind of relationship. I want to marry someone who can make a family with me. How can we have that? We’re not even the same species.”*

She looks really hurt by what you just said. Her head slouches down with sadness. “** W ***hat if I don’t have enough time here because of that molecular thing you and Walter kept telling me about? Do you want me to die with no lover?”*

You reach out for her hand and grip i** t **** with care. “Look, Loka. If worse comes to worst, then I’ll be by your side the entire time. I don’t want you to suffer all by yourself. I’ll be there to make you feel better.”**

“Really?” She asks as her big eyes stare into yours.

“I promise.”

Right after all of that drama was dealt with, you drive over to the Walgreens that’s nearby your house to buy some laxatives. Again, you tell her to wait for you in the car as you buy her some laxatives and some candy. If the laxatives have an effect on her, you’re sure she’ll be happy with the sweets later. Sometime later, you get back to your house and you and her walk back in** side ***. You walk to your dining room table to leave the candy* but Just before you walk away from your dining room table, you pull out the box of laxatives. You head over to the kitchen to get the monster a cup of water from the fridge’s water dispenser so she can have something to wash out the taste of the laxatives. As you're about to walk away from the fridge, Loka blocks your path with a curious look on her face. “What’s in the bottle, doc?” She asks.

“Well… It’s a medicine I want you to take.”

“I thought you said the medicine wouldn’t work because of the molecular thingy?”

“Yes, I did, but I want to give you this medicine to see if it is true or not.”

“What will the medicine do if I take it?”

“Uhhh… It will make you feel sleepy...” You’re lying of course, but you don’t think she’ll like the idea of an immediate bowel movement if the laxative do work. “Why don’t you try it? If it doesn’t make you fall asleep then we’ll really know that you don’t have the same molecular chirality as humans.” You put the water on the counter to open up the laxative bottle, then you pour the liquid into the cap and hand it to her. “Here, why don’t you try it.”

Loka takes it out of your hand and drinks it all. “Eww. It tastes yucky.” She hands the cap back to you.

You get the water you left on the counter and hand it back to her. “Here, wash out that nasty taste.”

She drinks all of the water in the cup you handed to her. “Ah. That’s better.” She hands you back the empty cup and you put it in the sink.

These hyperosmotic laxatives can take up to an hour or thirty minutes for their effect to really kick in. So you ask her if she wants to finish up Alien with you and she gladly says yes. However, right when the credits hit the screen, her stomach starts to make loud noises. She starts moaning and dashes to the bathroom. “OH! I hope that’s not an alien in my tummy!” She moans outs. She’s stuck on the toilet for a good long time. Well, now you know that she does have the same molecular chirality as you do.

“JOE! JOE! DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE TOILET PAPER!” She screams out to you from the bathroom.

You start laughing as you walk to your garage to get the potty monster more toilet paper. Once you acquire the toilet paper she needs, you jog back to the bathroom and knock on the door to get her attention.

“Uhhh… The door is opened… Roll it in please!” She grunts out.

You crack the door open just enough to toss the toilet roll to her and shut it closed again.

“Thanks.”

After about an hour or so, Loka comes out of the bathroom with worry. She sits next to you on the couch as you’r** e **** writing some notes on your laptop. “ ***Um, doc...* I thought that medicine was going to make me sleepy? Did the medicine react badly to my molecules or something?”

“Nope, the reaction the meds caused were supposed to do that.”

“Wait, did you give me laxatives?”

“Yep, I wanted to give you something that would cause an immediate effect and the saline laxatives did their job perfectly. Now we know you can eat our food without any issues.”

The fuzzy monster lady looks furious with you. Her teeth are clenched and her brow indicates her absolute rage. She pushes you hard to the other side of the couch causing your upper body to hit the armrest of the couch. Luckily you didn’t drop your laptop when she pushed you. You close your laptop and put it on the little table next to the couch.

“You’re a mean poopie head!” She yells at you. A** nd right after she yelled at you, she clenches her stomach in discomfort and makes another sprint to the bathroom. “I’ *ll get you back for this, doc!” She yells from the bathroom.*

Once again, you start to laugh out loud at her misfortune. A few minutes later, you hear Loka coming out of the bathroom and then slam** s **** the door to her bedroom. You take a look at the time and realize it’s getting really late. So, you head to the bathroom to brush your teeth only to retreat from the bathroom because **** the potty monster **** stink bombed it. Damn and you thought your dad stunk up the bathroom. Instead, you brushed your teeth in the kitchen sink. After you finish, you place your toothbrush back in the mirrored cabinet and crack open a window to let the stink out. Right before going to bed, you take your usually knock out drugs and try to go asleep. As usual, you are tossing and turning to get comfortable in your bed so you can sleep properly. You also get up to use the bathroom a few times as you continue your attempted sleep.**

After an hour of this, you are startled by a scream. It sounds like the scream came from Loka’s room. You leap out of your bed and dash to her room to find her hiding under her sheets. She’s shaking with fright under her blanket. You walk up to her bed and peak under her sheets to see what’s she all afraid of. “What wrong, Loka?” You ask with sincerity.

She gets out of her blanket cocoon and hugs you with relief. Her head nuzzles

against the side of your neck. “I was so scared, Joe. I had a really bad dream.”

“What happened in this dream?”

“Well, in the dream, I had one of those face things lay an egg in me. A** nd me, you, Walter, and Jane and Hans were all eating eggs and fish and having a good time, until… Until I started to have all these chest and stomach pains. You and Walter held me down on the table as I started to panic and spaz out from all of the pain and then the alien burst out of my stomach. Sniff… So much of my blood was pooling out on the table and I… **** A ***nd I… Sniff… I died right in your arms,* r** ight then and there. It was so horrible.” She starts to cry more on your shoulders as **** her grip gets tighter and tigher around you ***. You make yourself comfortable on the edge of her bed as she cries her eyes out on you. You rub her back to make her feel better. She starts to calm down after a few minutes.* The nightmare struck monster lays her head on her pillow after a while and holds on to your hand tightly as she calms down under her sheets.

“** Hey, i ***s it okay if I can leave now?” You ask her.*

“Can you stay with me until I fall asleep?”

“Sure, sure.” You grab her other pillow and make yourself comfortable on the other side of the bed. You lay on your back with your hands holding each other as if your body was positioned to be viewed at a funeral home or something. You laid there pretty awkwardly on her bed. Loka wrapped her blanked and arms around you. She pulled herself closer to you and started to spoon you like some big body pillow.

“Thank you, Doc. You’re the best sleep doctor a monster could ask for.” She whispers to you as she presses her snout right against your neck.

You felt a little awkward at first with her getting so touchy touchy with you, but eventually, you started to find it comforting. Her breathing was soothing white noise to you and her full body hug made you feel so relaxed. It felt good to be wanted by this cute fluff ball. Originally you were planning on leaving once she fell asleep. However, you were so relaxed by all of the care she was giving you that you succumb to sleepiness as well.