FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

“Alright, here we go."

Carden set the stylus on the record. He fiddled with a few of the knobs on the technological monstrosity that was his sound system, going over each one to make certain they were to what he noted down. It required precise tuning, or else it wouldn't sound right. With his luck, it wouldn't sound right anyways and he'd have to reset everything.

Classical music flowed out of a pair of headphones that Carden quickly put on. He closed his eyes, listening to the stringed instruments. Something was wrong, wasn't it? Something about the fuzz in the air. The white noise was deafening among the actual music. It could've been the recording. Vinyl didn't mean highest quality, after all. There was a precise process to the recording and the pressing that modern companies just couldn't get right. He sighed and unplugged his headphones, letting the music escape into the house.

“Take a note," he said to his phone. It beeped. “Find original pressing of—" His phone brought up a map and routed for the nearest town. “No, no, no." He sighed. “Never mind. Maybe I need a headset. Hands free."

Carden looked out the window. Night had taken hold. Normal after he got home from work. Darkened trees were outlined by the distant and bright cityscape. He briefly wondered if there was anything worth visiting at this hour. Not a chance. He walked from his living room over to the kitchen to mess with his fridge. A glass from the dish washer and a few presses and he had a fresh glass of water with ice in it. Perfect way to end the day.

Returning to his seat, Carden relaxed into the cushions and closed his eyes. Yeah, he could hear the imperfections in the recording, but it was no big deal if it was pumped through a distant stereo. He took a sip of water and sighed. Despite its issues, there was something nice about it echoing through his home. The acoustics were just right to sound like an empty auditorium, a show all for himself.

Thoughts of what Carden would do tomorrow were pushed aside to enjoy the moment. He gripped the glass tightly, feeling the cool condensation against his skin. Mindfulness, it was all about mindfulness. That's what he read, anyways.

As the music peaked, the lights flickered, and several machines in his home loudly beeped. Carden's eyes snapped open, only for the lights to go dark completely. Sounds of crickets filled the air. He waited a little longer, then snapped his fingers. No luck.

“UPS was well worth the cash, I see," he said to himself. “Any second now." Darkness remained. “Aaaaaany second now."

A bright flash caught his attention through the window. It zipped across the sky and disappeared on the horizon, just over the park. A distant boom rang out. That couldn't be good. He gripped his glass with both hands. Probably some whack job told his critter to pull some move and busted a power line. He tapped his foot.

The power company would take forever to get here, if they even bothered. Carden's tapping sped up. Might as well just go check what had happened, take pictures for later evidence, just in-case he might be able to nail it to whatever idiot caused this. Not like he was doing anything here, right? He looked to his dead sound system. Carden grumbled and stood up, finishing off his water and slamming the ice-filled glass down.

Keys, wallet, phone. Carden sat down in his car and he drove off to the source of the explosion. The whole neighborhood was in a similar state of darkness. Carden might've called it peaceful it if weren't so annoying. If this truly were anything Pokémon related, the power line would be a smoldering wreck. He briefly wondered if there was any forensics for that before his driving came to a stop in front of the park. Night walk wasn't on his schedule, but he'd make the effort. He walked on in, turning his phone light on.

“Just remember they can beat you down if they want to," he said to himself. A nice reminder how much of a bad idea this was. Carden scanned the area with his light as he walked, only barely catching sight of fat squirrels and disinterested birds. Hell, one of the things here could've' smashed up some essential equipment.

Carden's path led him to a strange mound. There, one of the damn things must've actually dug up a power line. Only, as he approached, he realized it was more like something had scooped out the earth there, leaving a carved dent in it. No, actually, it looked more like something had crashed there, but there was no electrical equipment to go with. He stared at the hole. Did he waste his time? Maybe it was something to do with the power company instead.

A rustling caught Carden's ears. He immediately snapped to the threat, shining his phone light at it.

“Anyone out there?" he said. Aside from the singing crickets, he only received silence. “Anyone?" This was a really bad idea. He gave the crater a parting look, then ran back to his car, instantly pulling out of the parking spot and back onto the road.

The artificial light of the cabin was comforting. Carden had forgotten just how absolutely dark it could get outside in the dead of night. But whatever, he'd go home and they'd have this all sorted out by the time he got back from work.

Carden glanced to the rear-view mirror. Something stared back with bright white eyes. He slammed on the brakes and swung around, head swiveling every which way. This was a terrible idea. His foot shifted back to the gas, pushing him just over the speed limit and safely back home, he hoped.

With a mad sprint, Carden rushed inside and locked the door behind him, jiggling the handle repeatedly to make sure the barrier between him and the outside world was secure.

Power still hadn't come back yet, leaving Carden shuffling in the dark. After a bump against his couch, he gave up and turned on his phone light. Something shifted. He swallowed then spun around.

A spindly thing steadied the wobbling table by his front door. It dug its bright white eyes into him. The gaze from before. It pulled its arms back and morphed into something heavier, rounder. They both stared at one another in silence.

“What the—"

It rushed toward him, placing a now thin tentacle across his mouth, with another wrapping around his shoulder. Carden remained frozen. Its grip was cool and firm, almost robotic. Aside from the stark eyes, its expression was entirely blank, hiding away any true intentions. It let out a low whistle that sounded something like a sigh.

“Hush-hush," it said.

Carden furrowed his brow.

The creature slowly pulled back its tentacles. “Hush-hush." The timbre of its voice was neutral but high-pitched, and had a curiously electronic waver to it.

“I'll open the door and you can go," he said, hands raised.

Its eyes widened and its head frantically shook with some repeated buzzing. “Here! Here!"

“What?"

“I remain here." It tapped on itself.

Carden was more than aware of what it was. Some creature from outer space that he couldn't remember the name of. Despite that horrifying origin, this one seemed fairly meek at the moment. Its pointed tentacle arms clasped together, almost as if pleading. Maybe it wasn't so hostile. In fact, now that they were apart, he realized it was shorter than him, at least by an inch or two.

“No, you can't do that. You belong out there. Get it? Out there." He pointed at the door to further drive home the idea. Wait, were they supposed to be able to talk? No, it didn't matter. He didn't need it here, skulking around, touching his things.

“Please? Please. Please!" It let out an electronic hum. “Please! Please! Please!" It shifted again to a rounder form with hands, grabbing at his shoulders tightly. “Please!" Its eyes stared into him, unmoving.

“OK, relax."

The grip on his shoulders lessened. Carden let his eyes wander, trying to figure out just what the hell to do. Lost, scary thing in his home. Middle of the night. No power. By all accounts, he should've been dead, right? It could kill him, sure, but it didn't.

“Why are you here? Shouldn't you be… you know…?" Carden pointed up.

It pulled back and turned its head, almost sheepishly so. It buzzed. “To enjoy human."

“What?"

“I remain here."

“But why?"

The creature nodded its head back and forth, side to side, spewing a stream of various beeps and boops in a rising and falling spattering of tones. This continued for a while until it suddenly stopped, shoulders rising and falling as if out of breath. Carden waited a little longer before realizing that was the explanation. It wanted a response now.

“Do you have that in English?"

“Hidden!" It snapped back to him. “I remain hidden from…" Its head grew uncomfortably close to his. “Shrouded people in dark," it whispered. “Hush-hush. Hidden with you. Sit in your role." The thing froze, then shook its head. “Take a role next to you. Playing pretend. People things." A nod, then a whistle. “People things! Living, breathing, eating, playing, shopping. People things. Understand? Pretend as a person."

Carden blinked repeatedly, trying to process its words.

“So you want to pretend to be a person to hide from other people?" He raised a brow.

“Yes! Yes. Please? Please? Please! Please?!" It started to shake him.

“Yes, yes, that's fine! Relax!"

It went slack, taking his words a little too seriously. A cheery beeping came from it.

“Don't relax that much."

It snapped back into alertness, then grabbed at his hand, shaking it. A series of soft, sliding tones came from it. “My name. Your name, fellow human?" it asked.

“Uh, Carden." The whole thing felt like a bizarre first-contact. “You're not a human, though, you're something else. I've seen you somewhere before."

It turned its head, still shaking.

“I mean, uhm, not you specifically, but you know." He raised his hands to awkwardly gesture toward it. “Your species. Uh, give me a second."

Carden flicked and tapped through his phone looking for Pokémon specifically mentioned to be from space. Beheeyem? No, that was too short and brown. Ah, Deoxys, however, was a perfect fit. Almost. The attached fuzzy picture was a different form from the one standing in front of him. Still, close enough. He read a brief attached description that mentioned something about them being mutated space viruses. What?

“This is you." He held up his phone. “Deoxys."

“Deoxys! My name. My name is human. Given to me by humans. Heard from humans."

“No, no. That's what they call you and your species. Like uh, you and others like you are Deoxys. My name isn't 'human', get it?"

The realization seemed to strike Deoxys suddenly, then it nodded, adding excited boops.

“Right, so, we'll need to work on a name for you. Something human." Carden realized he was playing along to some bizarre game. Not like he had much of a choice. Deoxys didn't seem like it would try and hurt him, but its excitable nature seemed more than volatile. “…Are you a boy or a girl?"

“Girl. Brother is a boy. Yes. Girl. Woman. Female." It tapped its head. “Broad?"

Carden wouldn't have necessarily guessed, but he supposed there was a feminine touch to its current sleek form. And he supposed even its voice was fitting for some kind of robotic woman. Not that he even knew if space viruses could be female. Space viruses. This was all way over his head.

“Yeah, OK. We'll work on that later, in the morning." Whenever that would be. “For now, just… relax, and don't touch anything."

“Not touching." It pulled its hands away. “No touching."

“Great."

The power flashed back on, bathing them in the welcoming glow of artificial fluorescent light.

“Great!" he said with a smile, turning off the flashlight.

“Great," it replied.

Carden rushed back to his stereo and turned it back on, bringing the life of music back to the place. Not exactly to his tastes, but better than sitting in the dark, right? He looked back to Deoxys, who was staring him down. Certainly better than sitting in the dark next to it. He sat down on the couch, with it quickly following.

Deoxys randomly emitted those beeps and boops, and soon enough it was clear it was trying to follow along to the music. Carden didn't want to interrupt it, less it get riled up again and dig into his shoulders. Whatever, he could deal with all of this in the morning. Not that he would be able to sleep with it nearby. It stared at him, copying his sitting position. A shame he didn't keep any of those Poké Balls around, though something told him there wasn't a chance in hell that they'd work on it. There must've been a reason its kind was so rare.

“Can I really trust you to relax and not break anything?" he asked.

“Breaking is not the role," it said, nodding. “A creator!"

Yeah, this would be a long night.

_

Carden awoke with a start, then a wince as a pain in his neck hit him. He fell asleep on the couch?

“Good morning! Hello, sunshine!"

Carden turned toward the source of the noise, flinching as he saw Deoxys sat next to him, tentacles hovering closely to his skin. Wasn't just a terrible nightmare.

“Good morning," he said, scooting as far back as the couch would allow. “Still hanging around?"

“The role!" It beeped. “The role is in motion, but not finished. The human part is missing." A tentacle reached around its back and produced a paper note.

For a moment, Carden thought the thing was printed, but on closer inspection it was clearly pencil. It booped, prodding him with the note and nodding. He furrowed his brow and took it, looking to its contents. Most of it was fabrics.

“What's this for?"

“The human part!"

“Alright." He looked to the list again. “To make you more human?"

“A human."

Yeah, that was as good as he was going to get, he could tell. It was a Saturday, but was he really going to go on a – he looked to the note again – fabric run for a space alien? He glanced back up to Deoxys, who, while still had a hard stare to it, somehow looked expectant.

“You're not going to budge on this, are you?" he asked. “I mean, I get that you want to stay hidden, but from what?"

“Suits! Men of suits. Hide under a human skin to avoid men of suits."

Its curious artificial voice and shaky pronunciation made deciphering what it said a challenge at times.

“Men of shoes?"

“Suits."

Carden furrowed his brow. “Soothes?"

Deoxys frantically shook its head and raised its tendrils. “Suuuuuitsssss," it said. Its whole body undulated with its voice, like it was shaping the word and forcing it out of itself.

“Suits. Ah, like black suits? Sunglasses, too?" He tapped on the side of his head.

Deoxys beeped.

Carden couldn't help but chuckle. “You think the men in black are going to drag you off?"

Its head lowered, glancing around the room. There was something cute and a little sad about its paranoia. The fabrics! It wanted some clothes, didn't it? Like it was playing dress-up to hide from them.

“There's no need to be like that. Nobody is going to drag you off. That's all television nonsense, it's not real."

“Very real! Look closely at your world. They are hearing." Its tendrils shaped into a hand and pointed at the outline of the phone in his pocket.

Carden opened his mouth to dissuade that notion, then shut it again. It was right about that. Not shadowy men hellbent on capturing anything extraterrestrial, just applications picking up on his voice and sending it back to a company. Maybe creepy in its own right, but a fair trade for such a great convenience.

“OK, alright, I get it, but why stay here? Don't you want to go back to space? What about your brother?"

A deep buzz. “No."

He could actually feel that one, like it shook the air inside of him. Carden swallowed. Looked like it was making the choice for him.

“Brother is having fun, too," it said.

“I'll bet he is. Look, I'll get you your things." And then maybe it'd be satisfied enough to leave. Sure, he could call some sort of authority on lost Pokémon, but it's not like he wanted it locked up, just… away. Like in space. But for now, he'd have to play along. He scanned the note with his phone and stood up.

An icky feeling rubbed up against him. Carden realized he'd slept with his clothes on. A shower seemed fitting, and dangerous. Wet and naked was essentially the peak of vulnerability. He opted to go with a change of clothes.

“Be right back," he said.

“See you later!" it replied.

Carden retreated to his bedroom, only to find Deoxys standing in his doorway. He pursed his lips and placed a hand on the door handle. It did the same for the other side, wrapping its tendrils around it. He pushed the door closed a small amount, then it returned the favor, opening it again.

“I wanted some privacy."

“Why?"

The question struck Carden. He blinked, not really sure why. It wasn't really another person, but it sure seemed to think like one. Not to mention, it supposedly was female. No, c'mon, it wasn't a woman. He sighed and let the door handle go, and it nudged the door all the way open. It chirped.

Not wanting to linger on the alien watching him strip, Carden tossed his phone on the bed and said, “Find me a fabrics store."

The phone returned its array of results. He wasn't even going to bother looking, whatever was closest was fine. Deoxys tiptoed over to the device, staring at it and letting out a stream of synthetic noises.

“Number one," he said, pulling off his shirt.

Deoxys then turned to look at him. Carden hadn't even pulled his pants off and already he felt like this was the most naked he had ever been. It was those eyes. No matter how it moved or whatever cheery noises it made, Deoxys maintained that vicious stare. with stark whites of the eyes and pitch black pupils. Its eyes were at a slant, giving it a constant, aggressive look. It didn't help that its tentacles now danced over him, threatening to touch at his skin and yet maintaining their thin distance. He could actually feel it brush over the small hairs on him, making goosebumps erupt across his skin.

Carden crossed his arms. “Do you mind?" he asked.

Deoxys paused and pulled back, giving a slow nod. “I'm minding you. Seeing the human body." It ran a tentacle over its chest and down to its abdomen, its eyes clearly tracing the same on his form. “Solid. Sleek."

“Thanks?" Was that embarrassment? Carden tried to push that down and pulled out a shirt from his closet. When's the last time you got a compliment? OK, sure, it was a Pokémon, an alien one at that. Other thoughts struck back. Get your damned shirt on and get the hell out before it eats you. Or steals your liver. Or something. Carden decided to agree with those thoughts and wriggled into his new shirt.

Before Carden could straighten out his new outfit, Deoxys was already on him, using its hands to smooth out any wrinkles and tugging on his collar. It was humming a tune as it did so. The little ritual ended with it daintily patting his shoulder and tottering off. Aliens were strange by definition, and this somehow felt a little weirder than that. He collected the rest of his things and headed out.

Carden found Deoxys by the front door, waiting with new hands clasped together at its legs.

“Have a good day, honey!" it said, unlocking the door. It then pressed up against his face and beeped.

“What?"

“Knock them dead!"

The door swung open and he was shoved out into the open. The door slammed shut again, quietly locking. Carden was left standing there, still trying to process just what the hell had happened. He quickly checked to make sure he had his keys. Yeah, he did. Good. Onward to the task from the stars, then. He tried to ignore there was some strange creature wandering around his house. Untold amounts of money could be lost. Carden shook his head and resolved to finish his errand as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, Carden wouldn't be so lucky. The roads were filled with people on their casual Saturday drives headed to who-knew-where. It gave him more than enough opportunities to mess around on his phone or fiddle with his car's on-board computer. And when he wasn't screwing with those, he was staring out at the window at the miasma of pedestrians wandering around the city. Occasionally those people were accompanied by some colorful Pokémon.

How did they just walk around with those creatures so casually? Seemed like they were always one second away from being caught in an explosion or some sort of freak weather event. Sure, they were generally subservient on the surface, but it took one mistake for it to go up in flames… or water, or dirt, or even electricity. Carden eased back into his seat with a hiss, being reminded that there was one mucking around in his house. He gripped his steering wheel and glanced to his phone. Still a few miles away.

Anxiety made the minutes crawl, but Carden did in fact make it to the hobby store in due time. Probably a first time visit for him. He found a nice parking space, thanked his vehicle, and walked on in. Carden was surprised at just how large a hobby store could be. It was the size of a supermarket, practically, but nowhere near as busy. He whipped out his phone and looked to the scanned document. It was definitely English but some of the words may as well have been alien.

Scanning the store, Carden quickly found an employee standing in front of a display of wooden figurines. He definitely looked wizened, and large, so no doubt he'd know where to go.

“Excuse me," Carden said.

The employee looked up from an ancient PDA and smiled, adjusting his glasses. “DAVE" was emblazoned on a tiny tag. A nice, simple name.

“Morning! Need any help?"

“Uh, yeah, I'm looking for the items on this list," Carden replied.

As he said that, a strange purple creature with a goofy smile peered over the employee's shoulder. A large hand was stuck to its waving tail. It stared Carden down and waved at him with a little nub of an arm. The employee whistled in astonishment, yanking Carden's attention back.

“That's a lot of stuff, there. You making a dress for a lady?" Dave asked.

“Honestly, uh…" Carden realized how weird it would be to say he didn't know. “Yeah, I'm doing that. Thought it'd be, you know, fun. As a gift. Erm, yeah."

“Lead the way, Seemsi."

The purple thing wordlessly nodded and leaned over Dave's shoulder, looking at Carden's phone. Did it ever blink? It clapped its nubs together, then its large hand-tail stood on end, gesturing in a particular direction.

“Looks like we've got a match," the employee said. “Follow me."

Carden gave a slow nod and followed after Dave and his bizarre partner. The little creature looked back at him. Carden, unsure what to do, waved at it. It snapped back forward again. Did he offend it?

They eventually stopped an impressive aisle filled to the brim with all sorts of fabrics. Seemsi grabbed at a few bundles with its massive hand as they passed by them. Dave seemed unfazed by this, and at this point, seemed like more of a steed for the real employee.

“Is he allowed to do that?" Carden asked suddenly.

“She, and yeah, beats breaking out the stepladder every time."

Seemsi was entirely uninterested in the conversation, still happily grabbing at all the fabrics needed. Despite her goofy outward appearance, she was more than a hard worker. Her large tail-hand was nearing its capacity, but she continued her work.

“Stick out your arms," Dave said.

Carden furrowed his brow and followed the instructions. Instantly a pile of fabrics fell into his grasp, nearly sending him off-balance.

“Is this everything?" Carden asked, awkwardly tucking the bundle under his arm.

Seemsi grabbed at his other hand, pulling his arm out and making his palm face upward. She then dropped a few tools in his hand.

“Now it is," Dave said. “She never gets it wrong."

“Uh, right. Guess this is where I check out, then."

“Sure you wouldn't like anything else? We've got a real deal on personalized collars! Maybe a crochet set for blankets?"

Seemsi ducked behind his shoulder and slowly reappeared, shaking a small DIY kit.

“How about a do-it-yourself picture frame? House a picture of you and your loved ones, eh?"

“I— I'm good, thanks." Carden shifted, getting a better grip on the massive rolls of material. “Do you have a bag for this?"

“Come on over to the checkout," Dave said.

Carden followed after him, awkwardly managing his pile of goods, wondering what the hell he was doing.

“So, you're a ghost type kinda guy, right?"

“What?" Carden asked.

“Your type, you like ghosts the most, don't you?"

“I'm not really into types."

“Well, what do you have at home?"

“I mean, I kinda don't have one."

“Why not?" Dave asked.

Seemsi glanced back, smile still stuck to her face, expectantly waiting for an answer.

Carden started moving his mouth, trying to figure how to even begin to broach that subject. He eventually shrugged and said, “I don't know. I'm just busy."

“I think a partner could help ease that burden. See?"

On cue, Seemsi waved at him. Carden gave a quick, false smile and nodded.

“Yeah, I guess," Carden replied.

They made it to the cashier where Carden dumped everything on the conveyor.

“You've had some in the past, though, right?" Dave asked.

They still had to be on this? “I had a, uh, Rotom, for a bit. It didn't turn out too well." He shivered at the thought of it sliding into machinery.

“So you were a ghost fellow."

“I don't know what type it was. I don't know about this stuff. It's crazy everyone seems obsessed with them."

“Well, I mean, aren't they amazing?" Dave started scanning away. “I think you're the odd one out, here."

Seemsi nodded along.

Carden shrugged. He wanted to say something about not needing them in his life, but he was already tired of the conversation. Sure, they were amazing, but they didn't sit right with him. Seemsi was cute to a degree, and she was also a thinking thing that could summon all sorts of elemental horrors from her massive palm. Probably. She seemed at least more mundane than the rest. Heck, right now he was running a damned errand for one.

Though, he had to admit that Deoxys was a special case. Space virus mutant. He didn't want a Pokémon and here he was being goaded around by one of the most bizarre. What was she going to do with clothes? Walk around outside? Apply for a job? Get married? Carden looked to Seemsi, who was bobbing along to every beep of the scanner. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have… one of whatever she was. They had to obey your orders, right? So he was told. At least if you had those capsules.

“Does she have a Poké Ball?" Carden suddenly asked.

“Oh, nah," Dave replied. “We're just buddies."

Seemsi lay her head on top of Dave's, still smiling.

“Ah, right, buddies." Should've guessed that. He almost wanted to ask how that worked.

Soon enough, all of Carden's extraterrestrial supplies were bagged and paid for.

“Hope that dress turns out great!" Dave said.

“Uh, yeah, me too. Just dying to see what it looks like. Bye now."

Seemsi gave a wide wave with her tail. Carden nodded back politely then hurried on out. Deoxys had probably torn up his entire house for bizarre reasons. He plopped down into the driver's seat, shoved the fabrics in the passenger's side, and drove off.

The drive back was far easier, giving him little time to imagine all the horrible ways his home had been torn to shreds. Carden could relax somewhat as he pulled into the driveway. The outside was still intact, that was something, right? Amusingly, this was roundabout the time his robotic vacuum would kick on. It'd have a hell of a time, right? He frowned. Not funny.

Carden rushed inside and locked the door behind him. Deoxys leaned around the corner, giving him a start.

“Welcome back!" it said cheerily, slinking toward him.

“Yeah, thanks." He held up the bag. “Here's your things."

Deoxys's eyes widened and it straightened out. Carden held firm, even though it seemed like it was getting ready to attack. It snatched the bag from his hands and walked off to his room. He followed closely behind it, beyond curious to see what it would do, only for the bedroom door to slam shut in his face.

“Privacy!" it chimed.

What? But… Carden shook his head and sighed. Fine. He went back to the living room to indulge in some entertainment, sinking into his couch. Right on cue the cute little robot sprung from its dock near the wall and began hoovering up debris.

“See? Everyone needs one of you. A true friend that does its job quietly and doesn't ask for anything," he mumbled. His smart TV flicked on. “And one of you, too." Normally he'd bark out his commands to it, but right now he wasn't in the mood for it. Instead he used the remote control like some kind of cro-magnon and flicked over to the many applications.

Carden lost himself in some cheesy television, maybe half an hour, before the bedroom door opened again and Deoxys reemerged. He stood up, noting a dress that clung to its form. It was a simple green thing that went down to its knees and had short sleeves. A white collar around the neck gave its some kind of old housewife look.

“Is it good?" it asked. “All the fabrics make me human."

What caught more of Carden's attention was its new shape. Or rather, her new shape. Wide hips filled out the dress, with large thighs to compliment them. Soft shoulders sat above a now prominent chest, with her central gem shifted up between two breasts. Her head had shifted to be more rounded, losing the sharp points and replacing them with solid “pig-tails".

“Human shape," she said. “The home role shape. Domestic shape." Deoxys nodded. “Like other morphs have a role. Agility, assault, protection. This is domestic!"

“You just happen to have a form for housework?" A Deoxys for everything. Now he had a domestic Deoxys.

“I made it."

“I see. We need to come up with that name for you if you want to go running around outside."

“Deoxys?"

“They'd figure you out if you just used that name, wouldn't they?"

It nodded. “A name. A human name."

Carden went over its, trying to think of a proper name. Ridiculous, sure, but he could at least try to give its a good one. Though, as he looked, he realized nothing really fit. She was womanly, but still had that unique flair to her that no name really could capture. Deoxys was perfectly suited to her strange body. A strange body that seemed to steal more and more of his attention. Well, she was a domestic Deoxys. Not a very good and easy name to sling around, so…

“How about Dee-Dee?" he said finally.

“Dee-Dee." Deoxys straightened up, staring off into the distance. “Dee-Dee. Dee. Dee. Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee." She tapped a tentacle on her leg in-tune with her sputtering. “Yes. I, Dee-Dee, like that."

Carden merely gave a slow nod as his eyes stuck to her. Dee-Dee was explicitly feminine now, almost absurdly so. With the dress over her, he could almost ignore that she was some sort of strange synthetic alien.

A bang broke Carden out of his lonely stupor. Dee-Dee's arm had shot through his robot vacuum. He choked, shaking his head. Hundreds of dollars, gone in an instant. She pulled it up, mechanical viscera scattering to the ground.

“Spy! The disc was a spy!" she said. “A spy in the household!" Dee-Dee ducked down low.

“It was a vacuum!" Carden said. “Do you know how much that cost?!" He put a hand on his head.

Dee-Dee eased up from her panicked position. She looked at the thing with a tilt of the head, then let it drop to the ground, further pouring salt on the wound.

“Sorry," she said simply with a low beep. “Flat, sleek. Stealth device. Right? Understand?"

“Yeah." He rubbed his head. “I get it." She's still living in TV land. “Oh for crying out loud."

Dee-Dee glanced around the room. “Vacuum! The role will vacuum. That is the role. The house keeper. I vacuum."

“I don't have another vacuum! That's the point of this one!"

Dee-Dee let out a series of buzzes. “Sweep? Sweep! Broom. Dustpan. I am taking the role." it scampered off into the kitchen, with Carden chasing after her.

“Stop, stop, stop!" he said.

Dee-Dee pulled herself out of a long cabinet to look at him. “Making it up." Her eyes wandered before snapping back to him with a ping. “I'm real sorry, sweetheart!"

“I get it." Carden sighed. “Why do you even want to be here? You've got your clothes, you can leave, right?"

“The role," she said.

Carden waited for its to continue, but there was no expansion on that.

“What role?" he asked.

“Housekeeper. Partner. Wife."

A second passed, then Carden blinked. “Woah, hey, hold on, you know that's a two way street, right?" He shook his head. “I mean, I have to agree to something like that, too. You can't just… make that happen."

“Carden agreed. Seal the deal. I ask take the role, Carden says, 'yes, yes, that's fine, relax.' " It nodded, briefly closing its eyes. “Role taken."

Carden wanted to add that he was being shaken by an alien, but that little detail would likely blow on by her. His whole life he was told to think before he spoke. Should've listened, huh? How was he going to get out of this one? His brain ticked for a second. He wasn't. Carden sighed.

Stepping around Dee-Dee, Carden pulled out his only cleaning implement, one of those sweeper-mop things with the disposable heads. He placed a head on it and handed it to her. Dee-Dee swung it around in her hands, examining it.

“What does it do?" she asked.

“It mops up things," Carden replied. He took it back and placed it against the ground, mopping it. Then he pushed the button on its side, squirting water out. “See?"

“Then…. How to vacuum sweep?" She turned her head. “I need a broom."

Carden paused, looking at the device. It couldn't sweep. His brow twitched.

“Do you not have a broom? There is no broom? Carden is broomless?"

“That's what the robot vacuum was for!"

“Need a broom. Dustpan friend as well."

“Alright, fine. Fine! I'll get a broom and dustpan." He shoved the mop-thing back in the closet and marched to the front door. Carden stopped as something wrapped around his arm. He looked back to see Dee-Dee grabbing at him.

“We," Dee-Dee said, tightening her grip on him with a ping. “I am human now."

She had a ways to go, but whatever, Carden was in no mood to argue. The broken husk of his precious robotic vacuum lay far behind her.

“Fine." He presented the door. “Let's get a damn broom together."

“And dustpan."

“And dustpan! Alright!"

“Temper, dear."

_

Carden had one hand on the wheel, the other holding up his head. Occasionally his eyes would drift over from the road to the passenger next to him. Dee-Dee looked around every which way, streaming out various synthetic beeps and boops at varying volume. It was just a boring old street like any other, but she was having the absolute time of her life. He had to admit he was curious what she could have possibly been losing her mind over. Better not ask.

“Supermarket!" she said as they approached the massive store.

“Yeah, that's a supermarket, you got it," Carden replied.

“Groceries!"

“We're just here for the broom and dustpan."

“Sunday shopping!"

“It's Saturday."

“Ingredients!"

“Broom and dustpan."

Carden found a relatively close parking spot and pulled in. He turned off the vehicle, letting the silence wash over him. Relative silence. Dee-Dee continued to make soft, yet excited tones. He could already picture her running around, placing her tentacles on everything, terrifying everyone.

“The rules at the house apply here, too," he said. “No touching."

“How will I know a good deal without a touch?" she asked.

“Again, just the broom and dustpan."

Dee-Dee didn't reply, instead getting out of the car. Carden followed suit. Damn, it was hot outside. He ambled over to the back of the car where Dee-Dee joined him. A little too closely. Her arm wrapped around his own, with the end of the tendril snaking around his hand. That would keep her close and away from trouble, but boy, did he want to protest. He glanced around for any onlookers. This was going to be awkward.

“I should have ordered it online," he said.

“Enjoy the sun!" Dee-Dee replied.

“I've had enough for the day."

They walked on into the store. The chill of air conditioning helped cool Carden down, though it failed to put out the rising embarrassment stoking his skin. Dee-Dee pulled him over to the shopping carts. He planted his feet, only to be dragged along.

“We don't need a cart," he said.

“Empty fridge, empty life," she replied.

“I have more than enough food."

“If you keep eating that stuff, you'll inflate like a balloon."

Carden shook his head. The way she occasionally lapsed into perfect phrasing felt odd. He had no say in the matter. The tendril holding onto Carden split its red and blue parts, producing two tentacles. One held firm to Carden, while the other was used in conjunction with her other arm to steer the cart.

There they were, in the supermarket, shopping, like a real couple. Some people were already staring. Not only people, but Pokémon, too. Dee-Dee bobbed her head from side to side as she dragged Carden along. What was going through the others' heads, he wondered. Did they realize that she was trying to play human? Wasn't out of the ordinary for some of the other humanoid Pokémon to be dressed up, but none so old-fashioned, right? He wasn't sure what to do with himself. Ignore everyone else or just play it straight like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Dee-Dee pulled up to the produce section and began scanning everything on display. Almost literally, in fact, as her head seemed to twitch to every product and had an accompanying buzz to go with it. An older lady stared at the pair as she squeezed an avocado. The mean-looking demonic dog-like Pokémon at her side hid behind her leg. Even with its sharp fangs and curled horns, it was no match for the housewife from the stars. The alien woman suddenly pinged and plucked out a plum from the display. She snapped to the older woman.

“Nice weather we're having, isn't it?" Dee-Dee asked.

The older woman opened her mouth, then shut it, merely nodding. Dee-Dee nodded back, then, without moving, stretched her arm a little farther to reach the green produce bags, placing her fruit catch inside which then went in the cart.

“All your vitamins, Carden," she said.

“I have supplements for those, really, it's fine. I think brooms are in aisle seven"

“Eat healthy, be happy." She stared at him. It was hard to tell if it was a casual look or if she wanted to beat those words into him by way of her dagger gaze. Though the severity of it was undercut by a beep and then what sounded like an electronic gasp.

Dee-Dee carted over to some aprons and ran a tentacle across them.

“Cooking gear. Important."

“I don't think—"

“Important!"

“Alright, OK, jeez."

If anything, Carden at least got the tired husband routine down. That thought brought him little comfort. Dee-Dee continued to fret over the aprons before settling on one that had some sort of hula dancer Pokémon on it.

“Protective," she said.

“If you say so. I don't think anything could hurt you."

“Because you would protect," she said, looking to him.

The response caught him off-guard. Carden could only give a curt nod.

“Now ingredients," she said.

“For what?"

“Meatloaf. Standard dinner."

That didn't sound too bad. It beat out his idea of a TV dinner, in any case. The alien wife dragged her human husband over to the meat department. Her idea of testing the products was to poke and prod at each plastic package. This of course brought its usual round of staring from a few others. They probably realized exactly what she was. Not only was it odd to dress up a Pokémon in a homely outfit, but it was even weirder being done to something so out of the ordinary. Carden looked to their linked arms. Maybe they'd realize he was being held husband-hostage.

“Flesh, flesh, flesh, flesh," Dee-Dee said. “Fresh flesh, fresh flesh."

“I really don't think you should be saying that out loud," Carden said.

Dee-Dee didn't look at him, but did lower her voice. Good for others, not so much for him hearing her soft and synthetic voice repeat those words.

“Acceptable meat?" she asked, holding up a package.

“I dunno, I suppose." Carden shrugged. “Looks like meat to me."

She nodded. “That is my role. Not your role. Food is my domain."

“Well, I mean, I could learn, just…"

“Just. All is just." Dee-Dee shook her head. “We continue."

The rest of the shopping trip saw them pass through just about every aisle looking for things to stock up on, from simple spices to larger cuts of vegetables. Carden could only think about how much money they were racking up. At least it was being put toward something good, right? Hopefully.

“Have you ever cooked before?" Carden asked.

Dee-Dee was in the middle of rotating a watermelon in the air. “No."

“So…?"

“So?"

“So, how do you know how to do it?"

“I watched."

“I guess that'll have to do."

“You will love it."

“I'd like to hope so."

As they carted along, the pair spotted an employee handing out free samples. Dee-Dee immediately pushed along to the poor soul and looked at the tiny cups of food on display. The employee raised a brow but he maintained a mostly genuine smile.

“Care to try one?" the employee asked. “It should be completely Pokémon safe."

“Where?" Dee-Dee suddenly said, standing completely upright. “I see none here. Husband. Where are the Pokémon?" Her grip on him tightened ever so slightly.

The brow raised a little higher. Carden mentally imploded upon hearing “husband" uttered out loud.

Carden raised his free hand. “What she meant to say is—"

“Yes. I say yes," Dee-Dee said. She picked one up, handed it to Carden, then picked one up for herself.

Not wanting to waste any free food, Carden immediately downed the thing. Some kind of meat with a bit of a tang to it, and some vegetables on the side. Tomato? Or was that a fruit? It was actually quite nice. He looked to Dee-Dee, who stared intently at her little cup. Suddenly he was very curious how she intended to eat that. She didn't budge, however.

“So what's in this?" Carden asked.

The employee broke out of a curious stupor. “Oh, uh, cooked tomato on the side of lemon coated—"

“Look at that. A strange creature. Look quick. It will disappear," Dee-Dee said.

Carden and the employee both turned their heads, only to find empty space. Something was jammed into his mouth. It was Dee-Dee's sample. He chewed and swallowed just in time for the employee to turn around again.

“Delicious," she said. “I will keep this mix of foods." Dee-Dee plucked a recipe pamphlet off the table and tossed it into the cart.

The employee only offered a nod.

“Thanks for the sample," Carden said.

Dee-Dee pushed along, then leaned over to Carden. “Still human?" she whispered.

“I don't think he noticed."

Dee-Dee pinged.

“Now are we done here? I think we have more than enough food for two fridges."

“Buy another fridge."

Carden chuckled, then realized she might actually be completely genuine, expression dropping.

“Continue laughing. It's a joke." She let out some repeated hissing that only sounded vaguely like laughter. Her shifting shoulders made it seem like she was laughing, at least.

Not wanting to disappoint, Carden forced out a few more laughs.

“We are finished shopping," she said.

“Oh, good," Carden replied. Finally.

Dee-Dee immediately bee-lined for a checkout, yanking Carden along in the faux race. This ended with her sliding expertly in-line before another customer could take her place. She added a glare at them, as if asserting her dominance. Once her place on the supermarket food chain was set in stone, Dee-Dee released her grip on Carden and let her tendrils place everything on the conveyor line.

Carden immediately rubbed his arm, feeling strangely hollow without her grasp. He ignored that thought and helped Dee-Dee with the groceries, though it's not like he had much time to do so before she had placed the last product on the line.

“Thank you," she said.

“No problem," he replied.

Checkout went relatively smoothly, with the cashier only giving the pair a passing glance. Maybe they weren't as weird as Carden perceived. Still, each eye on him was a needle prick to his ego.

“That'll be 97 dollars," the cashier said.

“Husband. Present the card," Dee-Dee said.

“Yeah, right." Carden mentally winced and slid the card into the reader. It beeped.

Dee-Dee beeped back, then snatched the receipt as it printed out. “Have a nice day," she said.

“Do you need help with that?" a bagging boy asked.

Carden had almost missed him with the weight of embarrassment on his mind.

“No. A strong man is already here," she replied, wrapping her tentacle around Carden yet again. “Run along now."

The bagging boy furrowed his brow.

“No, thanks, we're good," Carden said. “Sorry."

They strode on out of the store, each step bringing Carden some relief. Dee-Dee herself seemed quite pleased, having a pep in her step and returning to humming an electric tune. They piled the groceries in the car, and Dee-Dee sent the cart careening into one of the cart returns.

It felt so much better to be back in the car, away from prying eyes. Carden sighed into the seat and gripped the wheel.

“Successful, right?" Dee-Dee asked.

“I'd say so," Carden replied.

“Fun, right?"

“Uh, sure."

“Right?"

“Yes, alright? It was fun." That wasn't entirely a lie, it was a tad fun. While Dee-Dee might have been terrifying and simultaneously doting, there was something amusing about having the most special partner in the store. Carden turned on the vehicle.

Dee-Dee turned up the radio, bobbing along to whatever was on and loosely slurring the words. Carden couldn't help but smile at that as he kicked in reverse. For once, he was looking forward to dinner. It would be interesting to see, at least, especially being cooked by someone who didn't seem to eat.

“You must relax," Dee-Dee said.

“What?"

“In the supermarket. Your whole body was firm."

“Don't say it like that, please."

“It's true."

“I was worried about how it'd go. I think that's fair."

“I understand. Everyone figures I am human, but I am not. Very worrisome. Razor edge of secrecy!" She clasped her tentacles together. “I succeeded."

“That was part of it, sure."

“Thank you for being my husband."

“Erm, yeah, sure." He'd never get over that word. “Husband."

“And I am your…?"

“What?"

“My role is…?"

“Wife?"

Dee-Dee pinged and returned to her strange singing. Carden could hardly believe the situation he was in, driving home from shopping with a forceful alien wife in the seat next to him. It didn't take long for the awkward couple to reach home. Carden didn't even need to help with groceries, apparently, as Dee-Dee snaked her tentacles through each plastic bag handle and effortlessly lifted them up. She spread out her arms almost triumphantly and nodded. A broom was in one hand, and a dustpan in the other. Truly, some sort of powerful wife machine.

All of those groceries piled on the floor of the kitchen. Jeez, that was a lot, Carden thought. Dee-Dee swiftly put everything in place without a break or so much as a sweat. Then she marched out into the living room and began her work, even neatly sweeping up his dead little vacuum. Carden merely watched as all of the work was done for him. This felt wrong, like he was supposed to be giving back somehow.

“Is this fun for you?" he asked.

“Yes," Dee-Dee replied, still sweeping away.

“This just looks like work to me."

“Work is something. Can you be happy in nothing?" Her sweeping slowed. “I was not happy in nothing."

Carden pursed his lips. “Can I help, then?"

“You have helped. I would not have anything now if there wasn't a Carden here. Thank you."

“Uh, you're welcome." Carden swallowed. “You… sure I can't do anything?"

“Enjoy the food."

“Right."

Rather than fret over helping, Carden sat down on the couch. Though, it took him a while to actually turn on the TV. Still felt wrong to just screw around while she was busy sweeping up. Sure, she might've completely obliterated an expensive piece of machinery, but this weird indentured servitude didn't sit right with him. Was this really fun, or was it part of the housewife facade? Better yet, was that even a facade?

After Dee-Dee went over the entirety of the house, she gingerly walked into the kitchen. Must've been dinner time. Carden realized he might've been able to help there, so he hopped off the couch to find Dee-Dee standing over the induction stove and staring at the digital buttons. A tentacle hovered over one of the burners, clearly uncertain why no heat was radiating from it. The cheery apron she wore added another layer of humor to the whole thing.

“You just need to—"

Dee-Dee placed her tendril to the panel and began rapidly tapping all the buttons, the stove producing a pained mess of beeps. It only grew faster and faster until the display simply gave up on life and the panel went silent. Dee-Dee tilted her head, beeping at it as she tried another button. Then another. She let out a sad boop.

“What did you just do?"

Dee-Dee looked back at him, then stood in front of the stove.

“Cooking. This is cooking. Part of the cooking process!" Her arm reached back, frantically tapping. “See? Hard work." She beeped along with her presses, nodding. “You can go enjoy the husband things." Her other arm reached forward, nudging at his chest.

Carden shook his head and pushed forward.

“All is fine and handled!"

He nudged Dee-Dee aside. Three simple letters were on the display, “ERR" which may as well have been a death certificate.

“Oh no. C'mon!" Carden tapped the power button repeatedly. “C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. You can do it, c'mon." The panel remained dead. “Alright, OK, it's not over yet."

Dee-Dee hovered nearby, intently looking between him and the stove.

He pressed a physical button on its side in a timed pattern. Carden held his breath. A few seconds passed, then the stove cheerily turned on again, displaying the time and all of those wonderful colorful buttons. Carden breathed a sigh of relief.

“Husband fixed stove. Thank you. The role is complete here, wife takes over."

“If you're going to cook this you'll need to know how to use a stove."

“I would not be a wife if I could not make art with a stove," she said.

“Clearly not if you just killed it!"

“Kill?" She perked up at that word, turning her head away from him. “No, it was tired maybe. Went to sleep and husband woke it up." Dee-Dee's tentacles raised disarmingly.

“Yeah, no. That would've been more cash down the drain. Look, husband touches the buttons and you do the rest, got it? That way you won't break anything else."

She nodded and let out a stuttering ping. “Wife does the rest."

Dee-Dee already opened a cabinet, pulling out the tinfoil and pan for the slab of meat. Then she placed it on the stove. Did she already know those were there? He sure didn't. Knowing her, she might've had some sort of wifely radar. Or, more likely, she tore through the house looking at things while he was getting her dress materials. Carden suddenly realized that there was no way she could've used all the fabrics in her current outfit.

Carden set the meat to cook from what he remembered in the manual. The stove clicked on, bringing another wave of relief.

“Here. You can help." Dee-Dee effortlessly set the slice of meat to cook, then produced a cutting board. “Carrots, please."

Carden nodded and riffled through the bags, finding the orange prize.

“Wash," she said.

Again, Carden obeyed, running the carrots under the sink.

“And hands," she said, taking the carrots from his hands.

“Oh, uh, OK."

Carden cleaned himself, then reported to her side. Dee-Dee pulled a knife from his dishwasher and set it out before him. One tendril placed a carrot on the board, and the other formed into a flat, sharp edge. With firm spaced slices, Dee-Dee slowly cut up the carrot into shallots using that honed hand.

“See? Strong cut. Even space. Tasty tasty," she said. Dee-Dee placed a carrot in front of him. “Your turn."

Been a while since he held a knife. Carden briefly felt some fear, then chastised himself for being childish. That wasn't how a husband should act. No, wait, wrong mindset. Carden took a breath and simply started cutting. It was uneasy at first, but he quickly got the hang of it. Dee-Dee's looked far better. Not too fair of a comparison considering she seemed to be a near precise machine herself.

“Good. Not your role and you've done great," she said.

“Cool, cool. So, do we need to cut more?"

Another carrot slid into place, with Dee-Dee intently watching. Carden's attempt this time was far better.

“Getting a knack for this cooking stuff."

“Cutting, yes."

“Right, I guess there's more that goes into the whole process."

“But important."

Dee-Dee pulled out a carrot for herself and rapidly sliced it. The cutting was almost a blur. Carden blinked and furrowed his brow. Were it not for the limitation of the stove, she could likely cook up this entire thing within mere seconds.

“Water in a pot. Boil. Carrots go in. Tasty tasty."

“Alright, you're the boss."

“In the kitchen, I am queen."

There was absolutely no doubting that. Carden set some water to boil on a hotplate then went back to preparing the smaller ingredients with Dee-Dee, dicing vegetables and sprinkling spices. Soon enough they had two plates of surprisingly appetizing vegetables. Then came the meat itself, which Dee-Dee cut into two halves to lay on the plates. Then came the cutlery.

Dee-Dee carried the plates over to the living room table, right in front of the couch.

“Dinner is served," she said.

“Thanks. It actually looks pretty great."

“Did you doubt it?"

“No. Sorry." He sat down.

“Forgiven." She sat down next to him, then pointed at the plate. “Eat and enjoy."

Carden needed no prodding, he immediately dug in, finding everything cooked to perfection. Or as perfect as his microwaveable mind could fathom. Dee-Dee let out a delighted ping and began to cut away at her own meal. Carden briefly stopped eating to watch her eat. The morsel of food came to her face, then seemed to phase into her mouth, disappearing without a trace.

“Why didn't you do that earlier?" he asked.

Her eyes looked to the floor. “Very private."

“Ah, OK." He stifled a smile and returned to eating, finding himself slowing to enjoy each bite. “How did you learn to cook? I have to assume there isn't any, you know, food in space."

“Your television."

“I'm guessing you don't mean my TV specifically."

“No. The signals. Beaming around, mashing into heads, sticking to the space satellites. Juicy morsels of information."

“So that's how you learned everything, you're a real couch potato," he said with a smile.

“No couch above. Would have been nice." She pressed a tentacle into the leather.

“I guess that also makes you a literal couch crasher." Carden turned back to his food, realizing she'd probably want to sleep in his bed.

“I did not mean to crash. A first plunge into the air is hard."

“I can imagine. How'd your brother do with it?"

“He enjoyed the crash."

“Yeah, I can tell he's a guy."

“Would you enjoy a crash?"

“I think if I were one of you, sure," he said.

“Do not be one of us. Human is more fun. The skin is pleasing."

“We're going to have to work on your vocabulary."

“I meant those words." Her tendril wrapped around his arm, gently running across his skin. “Very pleasing."

“I guess it can be."

Carden tensed under her touch, not out of fear, but a gripping sense of embarrassment. He looked to her. Dee-Dee's eyes focused on his arm. Rather than the intensity of an emotionless invader, there was a tender look to her gaze. Her head tilted slowly. It must have been lonely up there.

That part of her continued to touch at his arm. Carden looked to the limb. His other hand reached out, gracing it. Dee-Dee froze for a second, then relaxed under his fingers. Not many people had the chance to touch something from space. He noted how the colors along her body seemed to have a different texture. The red being a firm rubber, but the blue having a stiff squish to it. Those clashing parts mashed together to make up her body. He ran his hand down where those two parts met. Dee-Dee let out a soft synthetic drone.

“We should eat before the food embraces cold," she said, parting from him.

“Right. Right…" Carden pulled away his hands. Why did he do that?

The rest of their dinner was relatively silent. Carden often habitually reached for the remote before catching himself. It felt wrong to watch TV in that moment, somehow, like it would cheapen the whole thing. Maybe he was going crazy. Only a few hours with her and already she was already rubbing off on him. Actually, more than a few hours. The sun was already setting, casting a somber orange on the living room as they ate. He realized he could hear distant birds giving their last songs before the sun disappeared over the horizon, and the slowly awakening crickets playing them out.

As the last of the meal disappeared, Carden wondered how Dee-Dee picked him out of everyone. She didn't, really. He was the only one to be annoyed by the power outage, pushed on by a frankly embarrassing amount of anger. Then it was just luck that she was here in this moment, eating dinner with him like it was the most normal thing in the world. But in a way, it was. Everyone else had some sort of partner like this. He was the weird one. And so was she.

Carden broke out of his thoughts as Dee-Dee picked up the plates.

“Thanks," he said.

“And thank you for eating," she replied.

“I'm gonna go have a shower now, alright?"

“Enjoy," Dee-Dee called out.

_

Carden emerged from the bathroom with a sigh, enjoying the air pass over his cool skin. He stepped into the bedroom, only to find Dee-Dee on his bed, wearing one of his shirts. The realization that she was female came crashing back to the forefront of his mind.

“I will borrow some of you. I do not have a costume to sleep in," she said.

“Do— Do you actually have to sleep?" he asked. “I mean, 'cause, you know. You don't have to be here."

“I do." She nodded, beeping repeatedly. “This is the wife spot."

Carden pursed his lips. He raised a hand, trying to pull some sort of protest out of himself. “Yeah, but… Ugh, whatever." The offending hand dropped and he walked over to the bed, sitting down on his newly crowned husband spot.

In his usual habits, Carden had only donned underwear and wrapped a towel around that, leaving him somewhat exposed in that moment. He looked back to Dee-Dee, who tugged at the shirt she wore. The bottom of it only extended a little bit past her hips, barely covering her decency. Carden looked ahead again. No way she actually had the parts, right? She was in a domestic form but it's not like she'd go the full mile, right?

A tendril yanked Carden back onto the bed, quickly wrapping around his arm. Dee-Dee turned to him, head settling on his shoulder, looking at him.

“It was a good day," she said.

“I would say the same, sure," he replied.

The intimidation in her eyes had disappeared, replaced with a touch of something sultry. Was it the context? The twilight? Just Carden's own crude thoughts? He picked up the remote and turned on some TV to help block out whatever was going on.

“I hope you're going to wash that shirt," he said with a small chuckle.

“I will. Promise."

“Right." His smile dropped.

Dee-Dee scooted closer, placing her other arm on his chest. The sound of the television was not enough to fill the awkward air. Though, really, he was the only awkward one here. This all must've been oh-so-very natural for Dee-Dee herself, or she at least perceived it as such. What was wrong with playing into her desires? Aside from the whole not being the same species thing. Carden's eyes wandered over to her hips, noting how they filled out his shirt. His eyes snapped back to the TV.

A tendril grabbed at his towel and effortlessly flung it to hang off the foot of the bed. Carden pulled his legs together.

“Do not wet the sheets. Mold and bugs are not good."

“Ah, heh, yeah, gotcha." Carden winced. “Thanks for reminding me."

What were they even watching? Something nature documentary about the evolutionary process of Pokémon. Carden paused, wondering if Dee-Dee might do the same. He did know some evolved based on how much like, love it felt, however that worked. So if he fed into this, would she change, too? Something shapelier? No, c'mon, get your head out of the gutter. Weren't you supposed to hate this?

He was supposed to hate it. This was all too weird, but Carden had to admit to himself there was a charm to the whole thing. Some nice happenstance to change up his life.

“Would you like to go there?" Dee-Dee asked, pointing to the screen.

It was currently showing some picturesque beach.

“It might be nice as a vacation, I suppose. Though the whole traveling process can be rough and I end up hating it."

“I see. No place like home."

“But if you could cut out that whole part, then yeah, I would like to."

“Tickets for two, please," she said.

Carden swallowed. This really was going to be permanent, wasn't it?

_

The hours crawled on, with Carden relaxing into the odd quiet time. Dee-Dee snuggled more and more against him, wrapping a leg around his. She was surprisingly warm, perhaps warmer than another person, if he could recall what that was like. No longer was there a coldness about her, she was entirely pleasing.

Through the window, Carden could see that night had fully set into place. He hadn't even noticed the darkness that pervaded the room, the two of them now only lit by the artificial light of the television.

“Do you think it's that time?" Dee-Dee asked.

“Time for what?"

Dee-Dee turned to look out the window, beeping rapidly. “I think it's time. Yes. Very."

The vines unraveled from Carden. Dee-Dee moved over to the closet, pulled something out, then rushed into the bathroom. He sat upright with a tilt of the head. With her, it could've been literally anything. That prospect slightly worried him, but he figured he'd wait for her to come out before descending into sheer panic.

Minutes passed. What was she up to?

“Dee-Dee? Everything OK?" he said.

He could hear the bathroom door open, then, from the darkness, Dee-Dee appeared. Light from the TV cast on her, showing off the black outfit she wore. Hardly an outfit. It was a lacy thing. A garter that hugged her legs and large thighs and a thin set of panties that bordered on spaghetti straps. A bra clung to her modest chest, leaving her gem bare. That mysterious thing glimmered.

That's where the rest of the materials went.

“Is it a wifely outfit? Suiting of this wife?" she asked. “Your wife?"

Carden's brain failed to start, with his masculine desires still embedding her appearance deep within his mind.

“Y— Yeah," he said.

Dee-Dee walked slowly to the bed, then crawled onto it. Carden eased back onto the bed as she approached, soon on top of him, her tendrils on either side of his shoulders. They stared into each other's eyes.

“It's time, isn't it? Privacy between the both of us."

The implication wasn't lost on Carden. Though, other implications rose to his mind. The presence of underwear meant that she had something to hide away. Had she been nude the entire time next to him? Carden continued to stare, unsure how to feel. His body, however, found it very simple. Dee-Dee's attempts at arousal had been more than successful.

“You are not too tired, are you?"

“No. No, I just…" Stop stumbling over yourself and say something. “You're very pretty."

Dee-Dee pinged. “And you, handsome." A tendril slithered over his chest and onto his nape, teasing at his neck.

His skin drank up her touch, goosebumps excitedly rising across his body. Would it really be so bad to do this? Carden swallowed, his hand settling on her arm. Wasn't this part of your duty in this relationship? Dee-Dee tilted her head. He knew that was a bad excuse, but with every passing second he cared less and less.

Carden's other hand tentatively drew to her thighs, feeling up the soft fabric of her stockings before settling on her hips. The gray of her body felt more like regular skin with a surprising amount of perkiness to it, making it all the more pleasing to sink his fingers into.

Dee-Dee sat upright, arm still tending to his body. Her other arm slid behind her back, then the bra went slack. The flimsy garment slid down her arms, then she flung it to the side. Dee-Dee's breasts lacked nipples, but Carden's heart hammered all the same. Her arm shifted to the center of his chest, rubbing at his pounding muscle. She let out an electric coo, then leaned back down, nuzzling her face into the side of his head. A vibrating buzz graced his skin as she pushed up against him, almost like peppering kisses.

The husband resolved to return the favor, turning to kiss her as he nervously explored the rest of her smooth form. It was perhaps awkward to push his lips against a featureless face, but his arousal only grew knowing just who he was pressing against. Dee-Dee slowly began to grind against his body, pressing up against covered erection. Each undulation made his increasingly hazy mind all the more curious what lay under her garter.

As they traded their strange kisses, Dee-Dee's arm traveled lower, reaching the band of his underwear. The tip of her tendril edged underneath, raising and snapping it back. She moved no further, however, as if waiting for his command. Carden's ears burned at the mere suggestion of exposing himself. Arousal forced his hand into action, pulling the band up and over his groin. His erection graced her thigh, twitching as it did so.

The kissing came to a pause as soon as Carden's cock came into view. Dee-Dee looked down at it intently, bringing more shame and arousal with it. She wasted no time snaking her arm toward it, though before she grasped at it, the blue and red parts of her arm split. The red portion tended to his shaft while the softer, blue part groped at his balls. She looked back up at him silently. Carden let out a groan. Dee-Dee hummed in response and returned to the strange kissing.

While Carden's mind was occupied with the firm up and down motions rubbing at his erection, there was still a distant thought that wanted to return what she was giving him. The hand he had at her hips followed her ritual, teasing at the band of her panties. Dee-Dee eased back, staring into his eyes. They were soft, almost pleading. She shifted onto Carden's side, with his arm adjusting to lay across her back. Her free arm nudged her panties aside to reveal her entrance. It had a gentle, bluish glow to it and seemed so soft.

Carden's hand rested on her stomach, brushing over the lingerie at her waist. His approach was slow, and he looked to Dee-Dee for any signs of displeasure. None came. She remained affixed to his eyes with that tender gaze. He brushed over the lingerie at her waist and approached her hips. Dee-Dee ever so slightly pushed her body out as his hand traveled across her, smoothing down into her entrance. An electronic sigh radiated from her as he slid a finger onto her clitoris. She shuddered, briefly making her strokes stilted. Carden let her regain herself before pressing onward, running a finger over her folds and bringing with it more of those cute electronic noises from her.

There was a noticeable wetness to her that Carden hadn't expected. Her mimicking of the female form was far more in-depth than he had ever imagined. No, it wasn't a mimicry. This was Dee-Dee as she wanted to be, who she was. Carden tried to still some of the nerves that plagued his thoughts and took charge on the next round of kisses. Dee-Dee made happy beeps in-between her buzzing kisses, eyes slowly closing.

Everything outside of this little bubble of happiness seemed to melt away. The warmth Carden felt seeped into every part of his body, seemingly pooling at his crotch where Dee-Dee's exquisite touch tended to his desires. Though even those would soon be outstripped by the desire for something more intimate. Something deeper. It was what they both wanted, wasn't it?

Between the bouts of kisses and his own moans, Carden's eyes wandered back to her entrance. His finger dipped between those folds. Shallow at first. Slowly at first. Dee-Dee hummed in response. Her legs slightly shifted, a simple message: More. He obliged her physical response, pushing deeper in and feeling her walls flex around his finger. Another finger edged along her entrance before slipping in. Dee-Dee rubbed her knees together as he worked his hand against her, slowly going in and out.

Their mutual masturbation continued for a while until Dee-Dee opened her eyes again. She sat upright and straddled him, tentacles still firmly wrapped around his twitching manhood. Her head snapped between him and their agonizing closeness. Carden put his hands on her thighs, similarly looking to her expression and down below. Dee-Dee's eyes widened. He gave her a firm nod.

Dee-Dee maneuvered the tip of Carden's erection up to her glowing entrance, dabbing some of that wetness onto him. It was amazing just how much heat she seemed to radiate. It was a tempting warmth, that made him want to plunge into her and sink into it. But Carden restrained himself, letting Dee-Dee indulge in him at her own pace. Which seemed to include teasing, as she slid her entrance back and forth atop the head of his cock. Carden hissed, punctuating it with a sigh. She was too good at this.

The pumping around his shaft slowed to a stop, as did Dee-Dee's sliding tease. She eased further down, easily guiding Carden into her. He groaned as her warmth enveloped him. Restraining himself seemed almost nigh impossible, but he kept his hips still. Her walls seemed to cling to him, and knowing her, it was likely what was happening. Dee-Dee continued further and further down, letting out electronic titters until she hilted him entirely.

Carden lay there, enjoying Dee-Dee's body. She remained still, yet her innards continued to pluck away at his arousal. Her walls flexed around him, loosely producing their own stroking motion. Tightness, then slack, riding up all the way to his tip. Dee-Dee let out a happy hum, and a tentacle moved to her chin. She was watching him enjoy himself. To her, his expressions must have been an explosion of delight, and she had complete control over it. Along with her flexing walls, Dee-Dee began to shift her hips back and forth, drawing more gasps and moans out of her husband. She was far, far too good at this. That didn't preclude her from moaning herself, however. As her motions grew more intense, her own excited sounds warbled or stuttered.

Teasing was over. Dee-Dee wrapped her arms around his, working her way into small hops on top of him. Carden would have grabbed onto her hips if he could. Instead, he grabbed her arms, and they squeezed around him in response. Their gazes returned to staring at one another. It was surprisingly cute seeing Dee-Dee's eyes widen or tighten, a small peek into her own state of mind. Carden himself had mostly managed to acclimate to her motions, but Dee-Dee still managed to pull a few sounds out of him.

The little hops turned to bounces. While Dee-Dee's body wasn't exactly like his, the familiar sound of flesh on flesh filled the room. The intensifying movements brought with it another heap of roiling heat. Carden held back from thrusting into her, even what little amounts he could, lest he finish this too early. Not that it helped much. Dee-Dee seemed to be trying her damnest to make him happy, with every part of her familiar yet alien anatomy working against his erection. Soon enough he was coated in her fluids, creating a soft squelch with every thrust in or out.

Suddenly, Dee-Dee's arms gave way and she leaned onto him again. Her bounces briefly paused, only to come back full force. Faster. Harder. The mechanical whimpers gave way to full on moans of ecstasy that vibrated through Carden. He joined in her sounds, unable to push back against the torrent of pleasure zipping through his nerves. They mostly silenced one another with a return to their special kissing, with Dee-Dee's buzzing kisses largely overriding her pleasured moans.

Carden lost track of time in that moment, oozing into Dee-Dee's body as she cherished his. One hand held her close, the other explored her curious form, indulging in it, savoring it. It was only until she broke off the kissing once more that he managed to break the waves and breathe some sense of reality again.

“Finish. Finish for me," she said softly. “Finish. Please."

Those words hammered into Carden's thoughts. His body was all to happy to oblige. He thrust as deeply as his positioning would allow with a deep moan, shooting a rope of semen into her. Another thrust forced out another stream. One final one gave her the last of his oozing seed. Dee-Dee shuddered, gyrating her hips on top of him as a curious high-pitched beeping streamed from her. Slurred words struggled to form between those beeps.

The two fell limp, with Carden taking heavy breaths. Dee-Dee simply lay there, idly running a tentacle up and down his arm. He swallowed and embraced her as tightly as his weakened body would allow. She nuzzled against him, softly humming.

_

Carden stepped out of the bathroom with a sigh, running the towel through his hair one last time before slinging it over his shoulder.

“Refreshing shower?" Dee-Dee asked. She was wearing her homely garb and cutesy apron. A plate in one tendril. “Breakfast is served."

“Thanks," Carden said, settling into the couch.

Dee-Dee set the plate of hot waffles down and sat next to him.

“What are today's projects?" she asked.

“Well, it's Sunday, so I guess whatever I want."

“Whatever you want… A happy, lazy day."

“Basically." He cut into the fluffy thing and took a bite. Divine. After a few bites he turned to look at her. “What, uh— What do you think a husband should do on a Sunday?"

“Family time. Wife time." She nodded, scooting closer. “A wifely, happy, lazy day."

So, then, he was fitted into his role quite firmly now. Carden couldn't help the small flutter of his heart as she drew near. The standard embarrassment to go with had largely evaporated, now it was pure delight. It was nice to be desired so simply, wasn't it? Dee-Dee leaned over, planting one of her buzzing kisses. Carden paused, then returned the gesture.

“So where's your breakfast at?"

Dee-Dee looked away. “The stove disagreed with me. I'll be on speaking terms with it soon. Do not worry."

Carden looked to her.

“And the black bubbler is unresponsive."

“You mean the coffee maker."

“Yes. Yes, that is the name. Mr. Coffee himself."

Carden narrowed his eyes. “Guess today is a fixing day,"

“A wifely, lazy, happy fixing day."