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Virtually Real Part 10: Soul Forged

Returning Characters:

Prowl-Ar: Human/Tiger shifter

Kyle: Red XIII/Eastern Dragon

Aaron: Lynx

Talon: Western Dragon

Otter Doctor Drone

Mahan: Shadow Runner ship’s Artificial Intelligence Computer System

Notes:

Freem = Free Motion: Activation of the engines allows the Shadow Runner to open a rift in space/time into altered space where it can ‘ride’ gravity waves without expending any of its own energy.

The events from Prowl-Ar’s memories and past, as painful as it was for me to write out, are my own and completely true.

It wasn't hard finding the council chambers, since it was the only area with a squad of guards. I could tell they had been ordered to stop us, but that is a rather difficult task to accomplish while genuflecting. I pulled the door open and Kyle marched in. He stopped abruptly at the scene before us.

The room was more of an amphitheater descending three steps. A small table sat at the lowest level and the Dirt representatives and Canin refugees were huddled behind it. The Taurs had all been inelegantly draped in sheets. The High Council of twelve standard dragons sat in ornate chairs on a raised stage with a desk along the front. They all had their wings slightly flared as if to prove they had power. However the most surprising presence was a thirteenth council member. His seat was on a raised platform towering over the Standards. He didn't have a desk which made the fact that he was a Sacred Dragon even more apparent. Talon gave a little gasp but thankfully didn't drop to his knees.

"Ah, so you've decided to join us. I must say your servants are very disrespectful. I suggest-"

"What the hell is going on here? Chief Sparkstone, what is that garbage you're covered in?" I asked.

"Master Lightstripe, the council refused to meet with us until we covered our 'nakedness'." The wolftaur said, as he fidgeted with the cloth.

"Well take it off. You look ridiculous."

"How dare you interrupt me! I am a Sanctu Ultimas and you aren't even a Commoner. Guards, take this creature away and dispose of it."

"Chief, I suggest you move your group over against the walls. I think things are about to get bloody." I suggested and the group pulled off the sheets and rapidly moved.

Kyle turned to glare at the guards just outside the doors. "If anyone so much as touches my mate, I'll burn them to ash. And you!" Kyle turned and pointed at the Sacred Dragon, "Do not threaten my mate again."

I could tell it wasn’t an act Kyle really was furious.

"Ah, the false dragon speaks. I know all of the Sanctu lineages and there are no Dacats. Tell us, how were you altered to look like a Sacred, blasphemer?"

I noticed that Talon and Aaron had taken up positions on either side of the room.

Kyle laughed, "Me? A blasphemer? What a joke. It is you, acting all high and mighty just because your species resembles the form I take when among mortals, insulting my lineage."

"I suggest you choose your next words very carefully. My mate is not a dragon to be trifled with." I warned Ultimas.

The other council members abandoned their seats and headed for a side door.

"All of you remain where you are. Guards! Remove this garbage and the pretender! Make sure he suffers before his public execution. The masses will love the spectacle of a sacred dragon, even a false one, being brought low. The other creature doesn't matter, dispose of him as you see fit."

"Broadcasts on." I said pointing at Talon and Aaron.

Kyle roared and shifted to his full dragon form curling his lengthening body around me. Smoke drifted up from his nostrils. "I warned you, but you were too stupid to listen." Kyle took a deep breath and exhaled a stream of fire just over Ultimas’ head. "Defy me again and it will be the last thing you ever do."

"H-How is this possible?" Ultimas stammered.

"Are you blind? I am a true dragon. My mate travels across all the realms of reality, often collecting individuals for my court. He found Talon being sold as a slave in the Leonar Empire and brought me word that the Empire and the Draconian Alliance had come into contact. I had hoped that I could accomplish my mission without revealing my true form, but no one threatens the one I value more than life itself.”

"Master Dacat, I don't think the council is in any condition to hear your orders, but all the peoples of the Alliance are watching. Please give them your message." Talon said, as he stepped forward.

"Sacred, Standard, Groundling, and Commoner. You must all see each other as equals. You must discard the old class system and work together as one. War is coming. I have brought you two ships from the Leonar Empire for you to study along with the designs for the Leonar's much more powerful faster-than-light engines. I personally escorted representatives from a border world that wish to be a part of the Alliance and are willing to allow their planet to be used as a forward observation post. I tell you again you will all become equals in this war. Either as a true alliance or as slaves under the Empire's rule. The choice is yours, I've done all that I can. Now I, and my subjects must return to my realm. I only hope you heed my words and become an even greater society dedicated to freedom and equality."

"Broadcast off, activating portal home." I said, glancing up at Kyle’s still smoking muzzle Kyle watched as Aaron and Talon scrambled through the portal. He released me as he shifted back to his median form. "Your turn."

It felt wrong not being the last one through, but Kyle was right behind me.

"That was, unexpected" Talon said, once the portal closed.

"Masters, can I, um, keep my clothes on for a bit longer?" Aaron asked.

"I'm sorry about that. Go ahead and get cleaned up." Kyle said waving Aaron toward the house.

I glanced at Kyle, but let his order stand. "Just remember you are required to give the headset and signal jammer to House, so he can secure them to the armory." I yelled, as Aaron headed toward the house.

"Master Prowl-Ar, with your permission I'd like to stretch my wings and clear my head for a bit."

Talon had already taken off his clothes, folded them, and placed them in the collection basked next to the gate.

"Go, you've earned some rest." He spread his wings and took to the sky.

Kyle sighed. "I may have made a mistake choosing Eastern instead of Western dragon. Oh, sorry about letting Aaron take off like that, but I wasn't sure if you were aware of his situation."

"Judging by the way he was walking, I'd guess seeing you breathing fire made him soil himself. You made the right call."

"Speaking of my fire breath, how is that possible? Mahan said I wouldn't be able to do that. I was so angry about them threatening you that I made the threat and then I just . . . did it.”

I just grinned. "When I inserted myself into your game world I was able to equip and use materia, right?" I held out my hand and an orb of pure darkness seemed to grow to the size of an apple then black flames burst out seeming to draw the surrounding light directly into its center.

"What is that?" Kyle asked in surprise.

"It's my special power, shadow-fire, out here in the daylight it looks impressive. Try touching it."

Kyle reached out and then yanked his hand back. "It's cold. No it's more than just cold it felt . . . wrong."

"You were going to say evil, and in a way it is. What you felt was its true power. It basically drains a target’s will to live. At night, or any dark place really, if is completely invisible and I can use it to drain a target before dispatching them."

"Why would you give yourself such an ability?"

"You've read my stories. Do you remember the one where a group of kids were playing a VR game and they all received elemental powers?"

"It was unfinished, but yeah, I read it."

"In my private notes, the ones that you obviously haven't been able to access yet, I wrote down all of the characters and then set their elemental powers as the Dare character would assign them."

"And because he thought of Prowler as his ultimate competition he gave that character a power that he knew he'd never use. That doesn't explain why it's your power here."

"That can be blamed on Mahan. No matter what V.R. game I play, that ability seems to be locked to me."

"So my power is fire, but I can only use it when I'm in my full dragon form? That's cool, but it also kind of sucks. Does that mean everyone has a special latent power in this game?"

"No, only the characters I designate can have special abilities. I'm guessing you’re able to breathe fire in your full dragon form because dragons breathe fire. Although . . . Computer, what is Kyle Dacat's elemental ability?"

"Player Dacat's designated special ability is soul-fire. With a core of golden light the warm golden flames enhance a target's positive emotions, making them want to do good and spread hope to all their fellow beings."

I sat down on the grass and started laughing.

Kyle stood looking thoughtful, "What would happen if we combined our abilities?"

"They're exact opposites, they'd cancel each other out."

"That’s too easy, I really don't think that’s what would happen. How do I form the fire?"

"Concentrate on forming a small spark of light. Then project your thoughts into the spark making it grow."

"I can’t seem to make it work."

"Hold your hand out. Now focus and 'feel' the energy flowing from your core down your arm and up through your palm." Kyle concentrated as hard as he could and a miniscule spark flickered into existence.

"That's it. Now don't try to force it to grow. Feel the power move naturally down your arm and the orb will grow on its own."

"I'm doing it! I can feel it! Oh, it’s getting bigger!" Kyle shouted in excitement.

I couldn't help myself, I burst out laughing making Kyle loose concentration.

"What is your problem? I almost had it."

"Hahaha, think, heh heh, think about what you just said."

He stared at me and I knew the instant he figured it out as his jaw fell open. He snapped it shut and tuned away looking at the ground.

"Come on, don't be embarrassed. Laugh with me. After all, I hope you'll be able to laugh at me when I say something that sound's perverse when that's not my intention."

"I guess it was sort of funny." He gave a little half-hearted laugh.

"Now, try again." I insisted. Kyle took a breath and held up his hand the orb and golden flames flared to life immediately.

"Computer, pause game. Open file, power testing and run program."

The environment shifted from the courtyard to an open gravel pit. "We're not supposed to have or use magic in that game. So we'll test your theory in this safe zone. The game level also goes down to basic so we can't actually be hurt either."

"I thought you believed we would cancel each other out."

"We probably will, however there is also a chance combining our two flames will be like mixing matter and antimatter, completely destroying everything around us. Now, let's do this."

I activated my shadow-fire and we slowly brought the two flames together. The flames intermingled and started swirling together while growing in intensity. My dark orb moved to the center as Kyle's gold orb stretched and fragmented around it. It looked like a miniature black hole with a golden accretion disk.

"Congratulations, you have unlocked the secret ability, Soul-Forged Explosion." The computer announced.

We looked at each other and simultaneously yelled "Run!" The closest cover was roughly fifty yards away. I knew we weren't going to make it. I went to tackle Kyle and use my own body as cover, but it seemed he had the same idea we hit the ground hard in a tangle of limbs and most likely a lot of road rash if not for the room's safety setting. Then the explosion activated and other than a bit of a light show nothing happened.

"When activated soul-forge explosion knocks all allies and enemies unconscious. The soul casters are unaffected so long as they maintain a physical connection during the explosion."

"Oh, now he tells us." Kyle mumbled as we disentangled ourselves.

Kyle stood up, but I remained on the ground. "Computer, game change. Run emergency medical program."

"What's wrong?" Kyle quickly knelt down beside me. "Run full scan on subject Prowl-Ar Nightiger."

"Running scan. You have two bruised ribs and a torn ligament in your left arm."

"Well shit, that explains the pain and why I can't move my arm."

"I thought we couldn't be hurt when the chamber is set to basic."

"We can't be hurt by anything in the environment, however our double flying tackle is to blame. So the injuries are the same as if we'd been anywhere else. Computer, edit previous game file back to the point Talon sprang into the air, save, and shut down VR chamber. Kyle, help me up."

"Aren't you in a great deal of pain?"

"Yes and no. I'm able to block out the pain for a short time. If you help me up I should be able to make it to the infirmary and into a med tube for micro-surgery. Unfortunately, blocking the pain means it is going to be a lot worse when I stop blocking, even if I'm actually healed."

"I'll carry you."

"No! Don't take that the wrong way, I appreciate the offer, but being carried isn't going to do my ribs any good and it'll mean more pain when I let myself feel it again."

"Don't listen to him, he's delirious with pain and probably in shock. Pick him up and put him on the hover-stretcher." I rolled my eyes at the Otter Drone Doctor standing in the chamber doorway.

"Oh great who activated you?" I grumbled.

"As the only medic on the ship I am automatically activated when an injury is detected. I just usually ignore my programming when you are involved. However, Mahan has seen fit to make sure I don't ignore any more alerts after your last incident."

Kyle glared at her, "Would that incident be the one where he nearly died from blood loss, or the one from his overdose?" He growled.

She ignored the question pushing the stretcher into the room. With the push of a button it lowered to the ground. "Just get on the stretcher so I can perform my function."

"You've done all I'm going to allow. Kyle, since I'm going to be down for a while, you may as well take me to the evolver unit. There are some changes I'd like to make."

"What changes?" He quickly asked.

"I'll tell you when we get there."

"You'll tell me now, or I'll activate the restraints and let the Doc-Bot with no bedside manner take you."

"I'm going to fix Mahan's mistake when he altered my susceptibility to pheromones. Before you get mad I'll still be the same except I'll only key off from your unique pheromones. So it isn't a big change. While I'm there I'm also going to update my memory crystal that way if anything happens I'll remember that you are my mate. Then, of course while I'm being altered I'll get my injuries taken care of."

Kyle activated the stretcher and pushed it toward the door. "You heard him Doc, he's made other arrangements."

***

I slowly drifted back to consciousness. At least, I think that was the case. When I was sure it didn't really matter because I couldn't remember anything. I was in some sort of chamber. It must have been filled with liquid since I was wet from head to toe.

"Suspension gel removal complete. Please raise you appendages for washing."

I lifted my arms and warm water started raining down. I slowly lowered my arms and started rinsing my hair. I don't know why but it seemed like the thing to do. As soon as I stopped so did the water.

"Rinse cycle complete. Beginning drying sequence."

Warm air replaced the water and once again I tousled my hair to get it dry. I'd gotten most of the water out when the air jets switched from above to bellow and after a few moments they shut down as well.

"Modifications and repairs complete."

With a "pop” and a "hiss" of escaping pressure the tube opened. I stepped out and hopped a bit as I discovered the raised metal floor was really cold.

"Your boots and clothes are over here."

I jumped at the sound of the voice and immediately tried to cover myself. Across the room a chair was facing a large control display. All I could see was a pair of black boots resting on the console, a bit of dark red hair over the back of the seat and an arm with an oversized golden bracelet pointing to a second empty chair with a pair of boots on the seat.

"I hope you don't mind, I had Mahan generate a book for me out of your collection."

I quickly moved to the indicated chair hoping the individual wouldn't turn around. All I found on the chair was a pair of black boots with silver metal cuffs and a pair of silver bracelets. "Um, you said something about clothes?" The chair turned toward me and I held the boots in front of myself. The man sighed and stood up.

"What do you remember?" He picked up the bracelets and clicked them open. "Hold out your wrists."

"Um."

He rolled his eyes, "Trust me, you're likely going to be more embarrassed about this when you your memories return, but for a whole different reason. Now hold out your arms. Once the bracelets are in place and you put your boots on your smart cloth suit will be generated. Don't bother asking how it works because I don't know. What I have figured out is that it forms regular clothing unless exposed to a vacuum and then it instantly converts to an emergency pressure suit."

"So we're on a space ship?" I asked holding out one arm.

He clipped a bracelet on and then I switched arms for the second one. "Yeah. I guess that means you have no memories then?"

I turned the chair away from him and quickly sat down to pull the boots on. "It's strange, I don't remember anything, but I know that I'm safe. I also know that I trust you, but for some reason another part of me doesn't even seem to want me to trust myself." As I got the second boot on the metal cuff around the top clamped down. Cloth seemed to crawl up my legs and arms at an amazing rate sheathing me in a black body suit. Next pants and a light vest seemed to grow out of the suit.

"What do you feel? Ignore the mixed messages your mind is sending, and focus only on your feelings. When I've come out of the tank I've found that my feelings are always the same. By focusing on them my memories quickly return."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Letting it out slowly I focused only on what I felt about myself. I choked and doubled over. Darkness, despair, loathing. I was falling into nothingness and I didn't care. Nothing mattered I wouldn't be missed.

"Prowl-Ar! Focus only on my voice. I'm here, I'll always be here."

The darkness pulled back as though it had a life of its own and it feared the voice. The voice brought light. No, not just light, it was fire! Red and orange and yellow and white with a golden core. I reached out in desperation.

"I'm here, I'll always be here."

"Kyle, I don't want- I can't- I can't go back. Without you I- I can't exist. I, I broke the rules. I made myself immortal but the few friends I had didn't want to join me. I knew it was a possibility. I told them I understood and respected their decisions. I promised that I wouldn't bring them back, and I kept my word, but as each one grew old and died another piece of me broke until nothing was left except the emptiness."

"Shh, I promise I'm never going to leave you. I've modified myself so that we'll always be together."

"How- how can you promise to stay with me when I'm so broken and useless?" I cried in despair.

"Broken, maybe, but everybody is broken in one way or another. If you ever find someone that isn't broken I certainly wouldn't trust them. As for being useless, I'll never believe that. I've seen enough of the real you. Sure, it might have been in a game, but that didn't make those moments any less real to me."

I sighed as my memory seemed to snap back into existence. "Kyle, I'm sorry. I should have warned you not to try and help my memories return. I've suppressed so much pain and loss for so long that it has taken on a life of its own."

"Don't hide it away anymore. Let it go. I'm here so you don't have to suffer any longer."

"I'm trying."

"Do or do not, there is no try."

"Hah, you've been raiding my movie collection as well as my library. But seriously to paraphrase, when 200 years you reach, heal as easily you will not."

"Somehow I don't think another half century is going to make that much of a difference to me."

"Exactly. It's going to take time, a lot of time for me to change a perception I've held for so long."

"I walked right into that one, didn't I?" he asked.

"I was a bit surprised as well. So, shall we get back to the game?"

"No, you paused it when it was just after noon at the estate and now it is late evening, ship time. Wouldn't it be better to call it a night and pick up the game tomorrow?"

"You're probably right." We left the Evolver Chamber and headed for the lift.

"Captain Nightiger, have your memories returned yet?" Mahan asked.

"Kyle, come on." I grabbed his hand and ran down the hall toward the lift.

"What's going on?"

"The only time Mahan refers to me as 'Captain Nightiger' is when the ship is in danger. Either from detection or a wayward asteroid."

"In this case it is a bit of both. As rare as it is we've got a rogue object heading in system. I've been watching it for the last couple of months and I now have a trajectory."

"How long do we have until it hits us?"

"Impact in six months."

"No problem. I'd been planning on changing our location out toward Saturn. It's starting to get a bit crowded with all the probes headed for Jupiter's moons."

"No Captain. Earth impact in six months."

"It's moving really fast. How big is it?" I said, as the trajectory was shown as a graphic on the wall.

"Complete planetary annihilation."

"That's not what I'm asking. Can we divert, destroy, or jump it?" We got into the lift and it started automatically.

"It is moving too fast for a course alteration maneuver. We may be able to break it up. I’ll need to get a closer scan to make that determination. The planet may survive, but without the main cannon you're still look at an extinction level event. A jump assist may save Earth, however it is extremely dangerous to us. Not to mention all power will have to be diverted to the real space engines to remain in front of the thing leaving us uncloaked. There's no way they won't see us."

I sighed as I stepped onto the bridge. "Kyle, please remain in human form for this. Activate skywatch protocol."

"Skywatch satellite online. We have connection. Universal translator running. Ready to record message."

"You have been contacted in regards to the comet currently on a collision course with Earth. If you have not already been informed of this impending disaster I am now forwarding you the information, as well as a listing of the individuals this message is being sent to. Who I am doesn't matter. All that matters is what I'm about to do about your little problem. I'm sure those of you who have been studying the problem have come up with two options, trying to divert the object so that it misses or blowing it up. While I don't like admitting this to you I'm out here closer to the damn thing and I can tell you it is moving too fast for normal diverting techniques. As for blowing it up, even if you launched every single nuke on the planet you're still going to end up with an extinction level event. So, that leaves you with us. We, that is my husband and I, are putting our lives on the line to jump, and by that I mean accelerate the object to faster than the speed-of-light, so that it not only misses Earth, but bypasses the rest of the Sol system entirely. The reason that I'm contacting you now, is because I'm going to have to de-cloak my ship and I don't want to create a panic. If you have questions for me you can leave messages at the number provided. I may or may not get back to you depending on whether or not any of us survive. Message ends. Set it to transmit at 12 o'clock GMT."

"So, what do I need to do?" Kyle asked.

"I'm guessing you're not going to be willing to run an errand for me?"

"Not if it means leaving the ship."

"I didn't think so. Sit at any station you feel comfortable with and buckle up. Mahan, prepare for merge." I sat in my command seat. "I'm not sure how much Mahan has informed you but the merge system requires me to enter a sensory deprivation pod." I pointed toward the top back of the bridge. "It’s the easiest way to navigate altered space. Don't worry, this is just a small jump out to a secret location in order to set up a contingency plan in case things go massively wrong." My seat started sliding up the imbedded rail.

"What about the sentinel program?" Kyle asked.

"It's the same thing but on a much more massive scale." As the seat entered the pod the lights came on. I carefully strapped on the merge headgear and the seat reclined. The lights went out only to be replaced with a star field. I closed my eyes "Merge system initialize." I opened my eyes and looked around. I could see the sun in the distance. I focused and Earth quickly came into view. I moved my "toes" and I started to move forward.

"Kyle, prepare for jump to altered space. As this is your first time space sickness bags are being dispensed to you."

"Are you . . . you or Mahan?"

"I am the Shadow Runner. Now brace for jump." I reached out to the gravity lines. I touched one of the smaller lines and a hole opened leading into the realm of altered space. I propelled myself forward slipping into the vortex of color. Once inside the opening behind me closed and the color riot organized into a rainbow of lines. I focused on the violet range and instinctively sensed the right thread to pull to open the door back out of altered space.

"Holy crap! Is this for real?"

"Disengaging merge system." As my command seat disengaged and started downward I grinned. "Welcome to my junkyard."

"Some junkyard. Just at a glance I recognize a Star Destroyer and a Galaxy Class Enterprise."

"Imperial Class Star Destroyer, Federation Galaxy Class, Super Dimensional Fortress Macross Class, SG-303 Hammond Class, Battle Star Galactica Classes I and II, along with about three hundred other assorted large ships. Basically more than enough ships to defend the Sol system should an extra-terrestrial force invade. Right now what is important is the planetesimal and the three ships at the core of this conglomeration." The screen zoomed in showing a close up. "Those are the Shadow Runner's sister ships. The white one is the Archangel, the red is the Phoenix, and the gray is the Thunderbird. They’re arcs, equipped with their own evolver chambers, holding the genetic records of all life on Earth. In the event that humanity becomes extinct and the Shadow Runner is destroyed the sentinel program will activate. It is the only concession my friends would make to being reborn. Russell gets the Archangel, Boe gets the Phoenix, and we end up with the Thunderbird, at least until another Runner can be built and then it passes to Monte."

"All three of those ships look bigger than this one."

"They are, but the Runner has sentimental value."

"Where did they all come from?"

"Most were built here."

"Out of what?"

"Oh, that planetoid out there has been completely hollowed out and the excess material was refined to build ships. I've also brought in asteroids using the same method as we're going to use to save Earth. The difference being those objects had very little kinetic energy."

"This may be a stupid question, but why aren't we using one of the larger ships for this?"

"It comes down to power. The Archangel's primarily designed for medical and emergency evacuation. Sure it has big engines but it isn't capable of high speed maneuverability. The Phoenix is designed as a starfighter carrier and as a repair ship. Again large engines but also exceedingly heavy armor. The Thunderbird was designed for science and exploration. While it is the closest to the Runner in performance it still lacks the Runner's power."

"So, what is the Shadow Runner's primary purpose?"

"High speed hit and run, stealth, and maximum devestation. The whole ship is massively over designed. Everything has, at least, quadruple redundancies. The whole ship is sheathed in quantum armor coated in an energy absorbing film. The primary shield is an energy absorption field with deflection field backups. Basically this thing can be flown like a starfighter. Even if it is two and a half kilometers long."

"And I suppose you use 'The Force' when flying it."

I started to laugh but suddenly stopped. "Actually, that might be a very good description of what it's like when I'm merged with Mahan."

"So, the Runner is almost identical to the one from your stories; does that mean it also has its primary weapon?"

"Yes to the cannon and its systems, but no to the element needed to actually use it. Currently it is configured as a massive railgun. Heh, if I was able to use the main gun I'd set a Nano gram load and reduce the asteroid to dust particles.

"So what are we doing here now?"

"We're going over to the base, making updated memory crystals and leaving fresh genetic samples. You've noticed how Mahan isn't interrupting? As soon as I exited the merge he started doing a complete copy and download to the base computer. Once he's transferred his own files he'll make sure the V.R. files also get copied."

"Status update, Shadow Runner Mark III currently at 90% with quantum armor at 23% completion. Do you wish to continue with all resource allocation going to quantum armor?"

"Continue with quantum armor production."

"Mark III?" Kyle asked.

"Uh, yeah. You've seen how far human technology has progressed. How do you think I have a ship like the Runner?"

"I never really thought about it. Still, now that you mention it."

"Hmm, I'm not sure where the first Runner came from. Let's call that one the Mark I. Anyway, Mahan sent a drone piloted shuttle to retrieve me at a pre-arranged date. Once onboard, I used the Runner's time drive to jump back in time where I set up the first drone shipyard in the Kuiper belt. Their task was to build the Mark II creating a time loop. I then returned to my time shortly after I left at which point the time drive burned out."

"So this ship is also capable of traveling through time? Why don't we jump far enough back in order to safely deal with the asteroid?"

"I didn't bother fixing the drive. You don't mess with time."

"But you already have."

"Like I said, it's a time loop. I only got away with it because that is what I'd already done. The Runner wasn't the only thing I set up. I also set a cloaked monitoring system that recorded all of Earth's history starting in the early pre-Cambrian to the present. While impossible to go through it all there are two pre-set alarms the first was to flag any time anomalies. So I already know we didn't go back and alter history."

"What is the second alert?"

"Impending extinction level events. Now let's get this over with."

***

"Damn, it almost looks like a bullet." Kyle muttered.

"Mahan, what is the object's composition?"

"Ninety-seven percent iron. Considering it is extra-solar I theorize what we're looking at is the remnant of a planetary core."

"Hmm, recalculate for in system jump and solar gravity breaking maneuver."

"What are you up to?"

"I'm going to jump this 'bullet' past Earth, use the sun's gravity to slow it down, and then jump it out to the shipyard. I'm not letting that much raw material get away."

"This plan has an 84% probability for success."

"That's too low. We should stick to your original plan." Kyle insisted.

I laughed at the suggestion. "Mahan, tell Kyle the probably of success of the first plan."

"That would be 34% successfully completing the mission. Getting the 'bullet' through a long jump 52%. Chance of Prowl-Ar surviving 9%."

"Wait, you're not likely to survive and you didn't tell me? What am I supposed to do if you die?"

"Well, I hope you'd bring Mahan's back-up system online and immediately jump back to Earth using our gravity wake. It's all there in your mind. I made sure you had the training implanted when you were getting your memory crystal updated."

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"I know. I should have told you the likely outcome, but it is situations like this that the sentinel program was created. If I die Mahan will eject the merge pod, vaporize it, and then use the evolver to resurrect me."

"In point of fact; since this is still your original body, even if it is heavily modified, it will be cryogenically preserved rather than vaporized in order to keep you genetic profile fresh and avoid the Xerox effect."

"Mahan, I don't think either one of us needed to know that." I growled.

"I'm just trying to make sure everyone is fully informed."

Kyle looked over his control board. "How would you feel if the roles were reversed?"

"I'd be just as pissed off as you are. However, if it was possible for you to use the merge system and you had a better chance of completing the mission than I, I'd turn control over to you."

"Actually, Kyle has the implanted training and I've set up a merge partition so that he will be able to use the merge system. It is likely he'll be better than you, Captain, due to his 'flying' around the halls in dragon form."

I unbuckled my restraints and stood up.

"Unfortunately, without live training, the chances of completing this mission are severely low. Besides we need a merge pod designed and built to hold his dragon form."

"Is a double merge possible? Or maybe a partial merge. What I'm trying to suggest is one of us merging with the flight and navigation system and the other merging with the tractor beams and the jump field? I guess what I'm thinking is Prowl-Ar focuses only on opening the doors and getting us through while I merge with a back-up system, 'grab' the object and hold on to it through the jump?"

"Honestly, I've never considered the possibility. Mahan, is something like that even possible?"

Mahan remained silent.

I sat back down and pulled up the readout's of Mahan's program, "What the?"

"I take it my suggestion isn't possible?" Kyle asked.

"Uh, I think things are going to be a bit different for a while."

"What do you mean?"

"Mahan, is copying massive amounts of data from your memory crystal into his personality file. Basically he's merging your personality with mine and overlaying his original programming."

"Isn't that normal for him? He told me that he adds to his program all the time."

"That's true but up until now he was primarily running on only my memory crystal. Now he is going to be a fusion of the two of us."

"Sorry, that took longer than expected." Mahan said as he came back online.

"Are you still Mahan?" Kyle asked.

"That's a stupid question, of course I'm still me. My basic program hasn't changed. I just have more experiences to draw on. More importantly I can now easily merge with either one of you. However, it may be possible for all three of us to partially merge as long as I act as a breaker switch between your minds. It would be very bad if you had a schizophrenic break because your minds aren't able to smoothly decouple."

"Wait, we'll all be sharing a single mind?" Kyle asked.

"No Kyle, we won't be sharing. While merged Mahan, you, and myself won't mentally exist. Instead there will only be the Shadow Runner."

"Actually Kyle was closer to the truth. It'll be similar to going for a walk while listening to music. You can be focused on listening to the music but another part of your mind is making sure you don't trip and fall. You'll each be merged with a custom copy of me while my dueled cognition will keep you from losing yourself in the partial merge. Captain, you use the primary merge pod. Kyle, once the pod locks in place I'll raise the back-up here on the bridge. I've disabled the link to the Runner's systems for this first trial for safety reasons. If things go wrong I'll abort the procedure. Prowl-Ar, remember to exit the pod directly into your quarters."

"Commander Kyle, you have the bridge." I said as I hit the button to travel up into the merge pod.

"Don't worry Captain, I have no plans to mutiny."

"Damn. Ah well, maybe next time. Seriously though, we're about to expose our deepest, darkest, vilest secrets, and feelings. I'm begging you not to take anything personally. I love you more than I'll ever be able to express."

"As long as you remember I haven't had a perfect past either."

The pod sealed before I could reply. I pulled on the merge helmet and relaxed waiting for Mahan to initiate merge.

***

I carefully wiped my eyes and stuck my head up out of my coat. I was sitting against the brick wall of the school like every day during recess. I wasn't really cold but my coat was more for protection than warmth.

"I asked if you were in trouble."

I stared at the kid in front of me. Why was he talking to me? No one just talked to me.

"No, I'm just waiting for the bell, so I can go back to class."

"Isn't it lonely just sitting here?"

"I prefer to be alone."

"Can I sit here?"

"Why?"

"Because the wall is nice and warm where the sun has been shining against it."

"Fine, just leave me alone."

He sat down next to me. He was to close. Close enough to be able to touch me. I didn't want to move, the pavement would be cold, but I slid away from him anyway.

"Did I do something wrong?

"You were to close." I curled myself into a tighter ball waiting for 'it' to start.

"I'm sorry."

"Just get it over with."

"Huh?"

"I know I'm fat, slow, lazy, and stupid. There, now you can go back to your friends and laugh at me. I don't care anymore." I shut my eyes as tight as I could trying not to let anyone see me cry it would just give them another reason to tease me.

***

I sat on a large stone looking out over the tree covered valley floor. It was peaceful here even with the sounds of chainsaws running just over the ridge. I opened the cylinder of the revolver in my hand making sure it was loaded. Even if I screwed up no one would find my body before I was gone.

"Nice gun. Is it real? My Mom won't even let me have a toy gun."

I sighed and slid the .357 back into its holster. "Yeah, it's real. Where did you come from?"

"Hey, get your lazy ass back up here and get to work loading this wood." I looked over and caught a glimpse of red hair as the teenager slipped into the tree line likely heading for the cutting area next to ours.

"I said get up here and get back to work. And I don't want to hear anymore whining." My father yelled again.

"I hate my life." I mumbled, as I stood up and started to climb back up the hill.

***

I hunkered down in the outside doorway to the biology lab. The wind was cold but there was no way I was going to risk the cafeteria. After seeing the way I'd reacted last year after breaking my leg everyone seemed a bit scared of me. Even the upper classmen seemed to be leaving me alone. I'd had my small bag of cherry licorice nibs for lunch and now it was just a matter of waiting for the bell. I hated days when Russell was sick. He was the only person I could trust and when he was around I didn't feel so damned depressed.

"Hello, you're Prowl-Ar, right?"

I snapped my head up. I must have been nodding off not to have heard anyone approaching. "Uh, what?"

"I asked if your name was Bill. Do you mind if I join you? It's too noisy and crowded in the cafeteria. I don't like to be alone, but I don't like large groups either. Besides everyone has their own group and I don't really fit in. Anyway, if you are Bill, I heard a few people talking about you and I thought you might like some company."

"Oh, yeah that's me."

"Yeah, they seemed to think it is strange you'd rather be out here in the cold alone."

"Really? And here I thought I was the one with suppressed memories." I grumbled.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, last year I broke my leg really badly and had to go in for surgery. When I woke up I discovered that I used the trauma to suppress my childhood memories."

"That's so sad."

"Not really, most of them were bad memories. I get flashes now and then but I do my best to ignore them. On the up side I don't really feel anything either. Happiness, sadness, anger, fear, they're all just chemical impulses that can be ignored."

"What about love?"

"Hah, that’s the biggest lie of all. Love doesn't exist, and even if it did it wouldn't matter to me."

"Why not?"

"Are you blind? Just look at me. Who could ever love someone as fat and ugly as I am?"

"I love you, and I always will."

"What the fuck? You're- uh-" I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my temples with my palms. Something wasn't right. The guy just said he loved me but I'm not gay. I was going to call him something vile, but the voice in my head was screaming mate."

"Don't fight it. Let me in. I am you mate, your other half. Release your need for control and just be in the moment with me."

"Kyle, my memories. You were there in the past."

"No, we are here together. I'm not sure why it was only your memories. It was like watching an interactive movie I had limited control of what I could do or say. It was only when you tried to deny your deepest feelings that allowed me to fully enter your memory."

I looked around, there was nothing but blankness. Kyle, or more appropriately Nanaki floated in front of me.

"So, this is truly how you see yourself."

I looked down at myself but I already knew what I'd see I was in my anthro-tiger form. My pure black fur was so dark it appeared to be absorbing all light and my white stripes seemed to radiate that light back outward. "Yeah, ever since I met my inner self back in eighth grade in the recovery room. I don't know if it was really just a lucid dream or the truth but since that day I've known this is my true form. Not the human shape that the world sees or the tiger of my inner self but a perfect fusion of the two."

"Is that how you so easily use the merge system?"

"I just figured that it is because Mahan already shares most of my memories, but you may be right."

Kyle changed to his anthro-form. "You love me, but can you trust me enough to share everything?"

"Give me your hand." He reached out and I pulled him against me.

"Now..." I started

"...and forever..." He continued.

"We are one." We said together.

***

I opened my eyes and reached out for the gravity field to open the doorway while reaching back to grab the asteroid.

I gasped as I opened my eyes for the second time. A red glow filled the merge pod.

"What the hell were you two thinking?” Mahan yelled. “You tried to merge with each other! You can't just merge two living minds that way."

"How long were we merged?" I asked.

"You weren't. I aborted before you got that far."

I heard Kyle laugh over the intercom, "How long was the merge system online?"

"Twenty-three point three three seconds."

"Kyle, you ready to do this?" I asked

"As ready as you are." He replied.

"Mahan, reconnect the pods to the Runner's systems and prepare for full merge."

"That is not a wise course of action."

"Mahan don't make me..."

"Mahan, second officer's command code, override TAO, Tye, Artificial, Omega.

"Mahan, Captain's command code, override TAO, Trace, Alpha, One."

"Shadow Runner, command system awaiting orders." The computer announced.

”Reconnect merge pods to ship's primary systems."

"Pods reconnected."

"Override and disable merge system emergency abort sequence."

"Abort sequence disabled."

"Initialize merge sequence on my order."

"Merge sequence prepared."

"End command override." I stated.

"End secondary command override." Kyle echoed.

"How dare you-" Mahan shouted

"Go for merge." Kyle and I said together.

***

I opened my eyes once again. This time I was different; I was more than I had been before. I was complete. I reached out with my tractor beams and grabbed the asteroid behind me. I also fired multiple tow cables to be sure of a strong grip. I pushed that to the back of my mind, knowing I had the object, and focused on my jump. My Freem engines were primed and ready. This would just be a little in system hop so it wasn't difficult to pluck a gravity wave and ride it around to the far side of the sun. I popped back into real space just inside the corona. I basked in the warmth as solar energy flooded my systems. I could feel the sun's gravity rapidly slowing my forward momentum I reached out for a gravity nexus that would send me out to the ship yard with my treasure. It wasn't easy to find the right thread this close to such a massive gravity source. It was there and I reached out for it hesitating just long enough to slow to nearly nothing. As the counter hit two I grabbed the thread. My Freem engines roared as I tore out of real space and into the nether realm of altered space.

My real space forward momentum, not that such things mattered in this realm, would be point 005 when I came out. A little less than I'd planned on but the automated ore processors could make final course and speed adjustments. I came out of altered space a week's drift out from the shipyard. Everything started to fade. I didn't want to go back. I was complete I didn't want to be separated again. It wasn't fair.

"Ugh, what was that about?" Kyle moaned

I popped the seal on the pod. "Merge self didn't like separation." I was so tired I could barely respond to Kyle. "If I don' get to bed, put me there." I crawled out of the pod but couldn't get my feet under me. I gave up. If Kyle or one of Mahan's drones didn't move me the floor would have to suffice.

***

I know I woke up in bed and stumbled to the bathroom at one point. I think I made it back but I was still too far gone to care. When next I awoke I was bone chillingly cold and shaking. I could tell I had a blanket covering me and I could feel Kyle embracing me and telling me that he was there and he'd never leave me. I relaxed and let unconsciousness take me again. I slowly opened my eyes. I was in the medical ward. Kyle was softly rumbling next to me.

"Shh, don't talk. It's Kyle's turn to get some rest."

I glanced at the otter drone. I hadn't realized that the drones even had the ability to lower their vocal output to a whisper.

"You've been in and out of consciousness for about a month now. Mahan claims that you've only been cognizant twice. I don't know what your nightmares have been about but they've obviously been quite vivid.

"Don't remember." I quickly reached for my throbbing throat.

"I told you not to talk. Your throat is going to be sore for a few days from the screaming."

I glared at her and then pointed to Kyle.

"Heh, I slipped him a sedative. He'll be out for a while. I know biologicals can be irrational but you two take it to a whole other level. He has refused to leave your side. I mean that literally. Kept telling me he wasn't going to have you wake up alone like Dawna, whatever that is supposed to mean.”

"Scared, I forget."

"That's stupid. You'd just retrieve your memories from your most recent mem-crystal."

"Misunderstand."

"I doubt it. Now it's back to sleep for you."

"Slept enough. Things to do."

"Nighty, night."

I really wanted to rip the smug grin off her muzzle as the room faded out. A loud screech and the smell of burning wires assaulted me as I woke once again. I opened my eyes and found Kyle in his full dragon form glaring at the head of the otter drone in his hand. I'm sure to anyone else he would appear terrifying.

"Alas, poor otter, I knew her Kyle." I said, before coughing.

"This is no time for levity. Your psychotic dragon just ripped my freaking head off!"

He dropped the head, shifted to his anthro-dragon form, and rushed to my side. I couldn't help it I doubled up in laughter as the head yelled "Ouch" as she hit the floor.

"Mahan! Mahan! Call maintenance for repair, and while you're at it, build a heavily armed war drone to escort those two out of my infirmary!" the Doctor screeched from under a nearby bed.

"Oh, don't lose your head. We'll be all too happy to leave." I said with a laugh.

Kyle stared at me for a moment with his mouth hanging open. Then he started to chuckle.

"Get out! Get Out! GET OUT!"

I went to pull out the I.V. line but found it had already been removed. I started to get up only to wince. I lifted the sheet and drew out the catheter. "Shit, been a long time since I've gotten this bad." I leaned against the bed waiting to see if my legs would hold me.

"I'll carry you." Kyle offered.

"No. Just let me lean against you while we walk. It’s the only way for my muscles to recover." We slowly made our way out of the infirmary. "Well, what did the doc do that had you so pissed off?"

"She'd finally gotten around to telling me that you woke up and then she put you in a medically induced coma to keep you quiet. Oh, and she threatened to sedate me again as well."

"So how long have I been out of it?"

"I don't know anymore."

"Mahan, how long since mission completion?" There was only silence. "Mahan, quit pouting I know it's been at least a month and that's been plenty of time for you to get over the fact we used the over-ride code."

"Is that why he's refused to tell me anything since the merge? I thought his program must have been damaged."

"Four weeks, three days, and eight hours. Now leave me alone. I'm trying to analyze the data to see what went wrong."

"Let me guess every time you run the data you get the answer that nothing went wrong?"

"Yes, but we all know that isn't true."

"Wrong, everything went perfectly."

"How can you say that? Just look what happened to you." Kyle said.

"Oh that. That wasn't a merge error or anything. During the practice we didn't fully merge. Instead you entered my memories. Memories, I might add, that I've been suppressing for years. I can't believe I'm going to admit this, but I shouldn't have gone into merge to begin with. Taking in to account all of my injuries lately and using the evolver chamber I knew that once the mission was over, if I survived I was going to be in bad shape."

"There was still an error. Two human minds shouldn't be able to fully merge."

"No, most humans can't merge. I'm guessing Kyle and I can because we are both willing to let the other have full control. Since neither one of us was trying to dominate the connection you were able to bridge any differences and complete the full merge."

"I suppose your theory has some validity." He said, as if considering the possibility.

"Good. Now, Kyle if you'll help me get to our quarters I need to get some non-drug induced rest.

"Our quarters?" He asked in surprise.

"Sorry, that may be a bit presumptuous of me. By the way, where are your quarters located?"

"Oh, I've been living in the pilot's barracks."

"You've been living in the most cramped living area on the ship?"

"I didn't want to get in the way."

"Well, you've seen my quarters so you know it isn't much. Just the bathroom, bedroom that shares space with the merge pod, the living area, the kitchen, a small V.R. Chamber, and an access staircase to the private hanger on the floor above."

"That's it? But, some of the rooms are huge."

"The more crew we have the smaller the rooms have to be. By keeping my quarters small to begin with I'm setting an example."

"You're messing with me right?"

I grinned. "You're getting to know me too well."

Kyle laughed. "Let's hope so since while we were merged I was you."

"Alright, I keep my quarters small because, being alone, I really don't need that much space and a large empty room reminds me of how alone I am." I looked up at his scowling draconic features and smiled. "No, how alone I used to be. If you move in, you can make any changes you like and I'll try to keep the complaints to a minimum."

"If you do that how will I know if you're really happy or not?"

"Damn, I'm thinking you got way more knowledge out of the merge than I did."

"No, that comes from watching your recorded memories in VR. You've said on many occasions that you love to complain. I have to admit you complain, a lot, but I know it's an act. I can tell you're doing it as some sort of defense mechanism. Still, your complaining gets worse when things are going your way. I haven't quite figured out the reason for that yet."

I leaned back against the railing in the lift as Kyle shifted to human form to take up less room. "When people expect me to be overly pessimistic they don't notice when something really hurts me. If they can't recognize the vulnerability they can't go in for the kill."

Kyle stepped closer and I instinctively moved away. I grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright, I understand why you do that now. You were hurt so badly you instinctively put space between yourself and everyone else even when you don’t want to."

The lift doors opened and Kyle shifted back to his anthro-dragon form. He scooped me up and started down the hall. "Don't complain, you were barely keeping upright and there are a few things we need to discuss before you pass out again." We entered the living area and Kyle sat on the couch keeping me cradled against his chest. "When I was in your memories during the test merge I didn't have any real control so I couldn't say exactly what I wanted."

"Please, I’d rather not talk about those memories."

"I know, but you need to. Even though I was unable to say what I wanted I could feel how you felt. I need to know, on the playground, was I just playing the role of someone-"

"No. You were a completely new component in all my memories."

"So no one ever approached you like I did?"

"No, at least I don't think so, they'd only came to tease me and then return to their own little groups."

"Why did we start there instead of an earlier memory?"

"B-because that memory is one of my earliest that I can't keep repressed. It was the same day after day. It's possible that it wasn't all bad, but that is how it was the majority of the time so that is all I remember."

"Because of that you were so hurt and lonely it led to your actions in the next memory?"

"Yes." "And no one found out what you'd planned?"

"Not until decades later when I was afraid I might be slipping back into that darkness for a third time."

"Third! How did I miss something like that? I mean, yeah I saw what happened that first time when I was studying your past, but I didn't realize how badly you really felt. Still I didn't see a second suicide attempt."

"You said you've only gotten through my High school years. The second attempt was in college and a much closer call."

"Shh, we'll talk about that later then. In the third memory, you were alone but it was a different type of feeling."

"Kyle, please, you said you could feel what I was feeling . . ."

"When I told you I loved you-"

"Please, don't."

"The hatred and malice was intense."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to feel that way about you. I was so deep in denial, that I couldn’t even consider the possibility I might be gay."

"That's what scares me, your feelings weren’t directed at me. It was directed in-ward like you were using it as a physical blade to stab yourself. I know I should have agreed with Mahan and stopped the merge to talk with you about this, but during your moment of confusion your mind was completely open and I looked. I shouldn't have and I'm sorry, but you need to know what I saw."

I knew what he was going to say and I didn't want to hear it.

"Your core self isn't the tiger, oh he's there protecting your core as best he can. Your core is that little boy against the wall trying to pretend that he doesn't care that he doesn't have anyone."

I felt tears, not my own, I'd been shedding those for several minutes. It was Kyle's tears falling on me.

"I- I couldn't leave you like that. I- I- It's my fault you had such a bad reaction to the merge."

I cupped his cheek, "No, you didn't do anything. Merge is always draining and I hadn't fully recovered from my earlier injuries. Add to that my memories being a bit disturbed from the evolver healing process and my nightmares were bound to happen. As for my core . . . I know. It took me a very long time to realize that about myself, and I still don't like to think about it, but you didn't do anything-"

"I changed you. You said that we are a lot alike. We have similarities in our past and that is what drew you to my character in the first place."

"Kyle, take a deep breath." I was surprised that he did as I told him. "Now I want you to go and make some tea."

"But you don't drink tea, or coffee either."

"However, you do like tea. I just want you to go and make some tea so you can calm down and organize your thoughts. Then you can come and tell me how you think you changed me."

"You promise you'll really listen and trust what I'm telling you?"

"I promise I’ll listen to everything you have to say and I'll trust that you truly believe you're telling me is the truth. However, I want you to make a promise in return. If I nod off while you’re making your tea I want you to slowly drink it before waking me as gently as possible so we can finish this discussion, agreed?"

"I promise." I felt a bit nauseous. I was going to have to apologize for lying to him like that. I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing. I really hated going so deeply into trance. The tiger and I had become so connected that it usually wasn't necessary, but Kyle seemed so sure that he'd done something to me that I needed to go all the way down. The darkness swallowed me but this time I was in control. I'd been to the depths of my psyche before, so it was nothing new. Still Kyle was right, he'd obviously changed something. The darkness was just that, it wasn't acting like it had a substance and mind of its own. I broke through and landed on the black top crouched down ready to fight if my tiger wasn't in the mood to deal with a visit.

"It took you long enough." He growled pacing back and forth blocking my view of the wall. He hated me, of course he hated me. When I come here in my human form my self-loathing is at its strongest.

"Is everything still in balance?" I asked.

"It certainly is not. Whether you want to believe it or not. You, or more appropriately your subconscious, created me and placed me here to protect you from yourself. One's core self cannot be changed."

"I know. We've had this conversation before. Once the core is set it can't be changed. Only hidden and protected in the deepest part of one's soul. I've accepted that."

"Right, one's outside perception can only be altered by placing a substitute, as you did by creating me, and relying on the substitute instead of your true core. So tell me, what the hell is the meaning of this?"

I gasped as the tiger stepped aside. Without him between my conscious mind and my core there was nothing to block my direct link to my core. I felt like my heart was being torn from my chest. The emotions were overwhelming. I gasped and flung my arms out. The room was spinning. I couldn't catch my breath. "That's- It's not-"

Kyle sat his tea down. "Another nightmare."

I couldn't just hear the pain in his voice I could feel it. It was a part of me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to deceive you. I wasn't asleep. I had to know for sure. So I-" I gasped again. I took a shaky breath and closed my eyes. I begged my tiger to shield me again. I could feel him there but he refused to help. I growled at myself and continued, "I went into deep meditation and checked my core."

The tea glass shattered as Kyle's claws clenched. "I'm sorry."

"Damnit! Don't be sorry I'm not blaming you for anything. It's just freaking hard dealing with all these emotions. My feelings, your feelings all of it. You can't- can't change your core being. Once it is set you can only filter- filter how you deal with the emotions." Suddenly everything was back to normal. "About freaking time." I growled.

"What's happening?" "You've altered my freaking core! You've accomplished the impossible. By leaving a piece of yourself there-"

"I didn't- I mean-" He roared in frustration.

I was a bit surprised nothing in the room shattered. But my tiger had to be pacing because the maddeningly intense feelings were back.

"I didn't realize what I was doing. I just wanted that part of you to know you weren't alone anymore. I thought I was giving you just one happy memory. A moment when one kid honestly wanted to comfort you like he wished he could have been comforted when his father left him."

My tiger laughed and for a brief moment a grinning Cheshire tiger/cat flashed through my mind. The raw emotion's hit me full force once again but I realized I was feeling the emotions from the cub glaring at me, encircled in my core's arms. My core was crying not in fear or pain but seemingly in happiness. Then realization of what had happened dawned on me. "I can only shield myself from myself. These emotions aren't coming from my core."

I shakily crawled around the table. Kyle had transformed back to his true form and was whimpering uncontrollably I pulled him into my arms resting his muzzle on my shoulder. "Imagine your core." I whispered.

The room seemed to spiral reminding me of entering altered space. I heard a sob but it wasn't from the Kyle in my arms. We were in a cave. A torch was guttering in the middle and against the far wall was a replica of Kyle and me, but as a child and cub. The cub was crying and I could feel his fear, loneliness and loss.

"Kyle, you stupid brilliant fool. Look. Look at what you've done."

"I- I can't." I took a deep breath and concentrated. "Kyle, I need you to look around." We were now at the mouth of the cave.

"So, now you understand this insanity. How are you going to fix it?" Kyle gasped and looked at the tiger as he spoke.

"Kyle, this is my other self. My substitute core. He protects me from the darkness." I paused.

"Tell him everything." The tiger said as he glared at me.

"He also protects my core from the darkness."

"All of it." He insisted.

"And he protects my core from my own self-hatred."

"Damn, I figured you'd lie to him. Like you've been doing to yourself for so long." The tiger said stepping back in surprise.

"What good would it do? From this point on he'll know when I'm lying, even to myself."

"Are we merged again?" Kyle whimpered.

"Not in the way you are thinking." A voice said from the cave behind us.

I gaped as the cave wall shimmered and a dragon seemed to materialize. He coiled around Kyle's core. "I didn't understand what my purpose was when I found myself here. However it makes sense now. When Mahan gave us life he used Prowl-Ar’s psyche as a reference. I exist because his tiger exists even though I was not needed until now."

"Then, you are how I see my true self?" Kyle asked.

"No, you're seeing me because you don't want to see your true self." The dragon uncoiled and both Kyle and I were hit with the raw emotions. My tiger also moved aside doubling the impact.

"Kyle you didn't give me a memory you gave me a piece of your soul. Because balance must be maintained a piece of my soul was transferred to you. I appreciate the gesture but we've got to undue this."

Two roars rang out one word. "No!"

I looked around my living area. I was still holding Kyle and he, no, we were both trembling.

"What happened?" He asked.

"I think, our subconscious' selves kicked us out of our own minds." I closed my eyes again and prepared to go back into trance, but it was like slamming into a brick wall and my tiger refused to speak to me.

"Tiger, I can't feel anything. I know I should be scared about that, but I can't even feel that. What's happening?"

"We've been completely cut off from our core selves by our 'guardians'. I'm sure they`ll let us feel again, eventually."

"How can you be so calm?"

"Two simple reasons. The first is because I can't feel anything either and the second is because this isn't the first time I've pissed off my tiger."

"Is this what happens to humans when they claim to be soul mates?"

"Not really, but it is a very apt description of what has happened. I'm just worried what the consequences will be. Now, I suggest we get some sleep."

"But I still have questions."

"Red, right now I'm not sure. . . No, I'm sure I can't even make it to the bedroom. Mahan, I can't care whether you are ignoring me or not, you don't have to say anything, just reconfigure the couch into a sleeping pad, please."

"If you don't I'll . . . Oh what's the point." Kyle said.

***