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11: White Whale

The cabin is quaint enough to strike a chord of nostalgia through Nico's chest. Alaska moves comfortably, he's been here before and obviously feels at home. From his place by the passenger side door, Nico watches the wolf, the gyros in his mechanical arms whirring softly as he retrieves their bags from the trunk and spirits them toward the small house. He's so confident and capable, Nico feels almost indulgent as he realises he gets Alaska's attention all to himself for the next few days.

Hard to feel like it's safe to want that.

It's a little out of the ways here, a family hideaway nestled into the rocky hills, only a few hours' drive from the sheer walls of Anchor City. Nico keeps expecting to turn around and see lights in the distance, but when he does there's nothing but trees dusty with ice, and he finds the sensation oddly comforting. For his entire life the city has been like a beast on his back, a twin headed snake always watching, invoking the heralds of security and socialisation to justify that constant pressure. Crime waves and twitter trends mean someone is always watching, and only someone who had something to hide would shy away from that. Think of the children, they say, think of the retweets.

Here you can be yourself, Nico thinks, sending out his silent gratefulness to the dense wall of Sitka spruce hiding this frosty oasis.

"Ya comin' Red?" Nico shakes from his reverence, sees Alaska standing there with a grin on his face. This isn't the real Alaska, the eyes give it away, but it's very close. Nico's never seen the boy so relaxed.

No one else would ever see that, he thinks. They'd just smile back, wave, and choose to believe this was the only face you had. A knife of anxiety twists in his chest, but Nico pushes it aside.

"Right behind you, just taking in the fresh air," he says, scurrying along.

"It was owned by Deckard's family, way back when Ahab was still pulling this whole shit-show together, follow?" Alaska looks up at the three story cabin. He doesn't bother checking if Nico's even listening, he just assumes. "I didn't know the guy, he got flatlined or something a few months after Ahab first found me. Heard he was a real tight-ass though, wannabe psychonaut so jacked up with conflicting chrome he was practically epileptic - his cyberspace handle was Th3seus, if you find that sorta quaint shit funny. Those two were the first boots on the ground though, OG classics. Stick around some more, I'm sure Callahan's got plenty of stories about the mischief Deck' liked to kick up with the Kruger-Hitachi Zaibatsu."

Alaska skips up the steps to the porch, practically hanging off the doorhandle as he raps his knuckles on the full-body opaque window beside it. "And he was a netrunner too? Like you?" Nico asks.

"From what I can gather," Alaska replies absently, squinting through the glass. "I know Wade's here, I can see lights... polite to knock, but I think he's under. Uh, yeah, y'see Ahab was a top-tier corpo fixer back in the day, or least something close to it. Some kind of shaker and mover anyway, and when his chips ran out he needed someone to ghost him. Enter Deckard, weird paranoid trench-coat motherfucker, about as polite as an enema, but he scrubbed all the records so I guess it fits."

"That can be done?" Nico wonders, as Alaska finally gives in and just opens the front door. "I always thought..." He'd always thought what they told him; that identity was forever. The Government, the corpos, even fucking PayPal - personal data was just another currency and they traded fast and loose. The disasters of the late 2080s had seen most of any individual rights stripped away when it came to true online privacy, once again in the name of 'safety and security'. Patriot Act 2.0, there wasn't any point fighting it, a secretive identity was a thing of the past, unless you were practically a ghost.

Nico'd always believed them when they said 'there is no running away'.

"It's not easy, but Deckard was a legend," Alaska admits, as they sweep through the mudroom and into a long hall. Rubber-shielded cables run along the skirting boards, unused picture hooks dotting the cream plaster walls like little bronze nipples. Through one doorway Nico spots scaffold-style shelving units, wires and dongles all cabled-tied down and blinking away to their silent symphony. Alaska dumps their bags to one side, before bracing a paw on Nico's shoulder so he can get to his shoes. "Wade hates intrusions, and he's basically the resident hermit here now, so no ice or mud inside," he explains, peeling off one boot then the other. "And don't move his stuff."

Nico lets him balance there, enjoying the firm pressure on his shoulder. Alaska touches him so easily, so effortlessly - a paw in the small of Nico's back, a clap on the shoulder, a small nudge at his knee.

Jalan touched you easily too, he's only so friendly because they want you to kill suits for them.

As the two move down the narrow hallway, Nico catches a glimpse at the other one sharing the house. Through an archway a lean pine marten is leaned back in what looks like a stainless-steel flight chair. He's dressed in nothing but a pair of tight boxer-briefs, sterile white trodes slapped haphazardly across his upper body, a heavy pair of goggles strapped to his skull. Nico briefly shivers as he's reminded of Mother, but at least Wade is actually doing something.

At least, Nico assumes.

"Ever spend much time in cyberspace?" Alaska asks as they swing into a dining room. It's messy but not a junk heap, food wrappers and empty soda cans littering the benches, a few pieces of bruised fruit stacked in a cheap bowl. Doesn't look any different to the few share-houses occupied by a group of twenty-somethings Nico's visited before. The wolf opens the fridge and retrieves a small carton of lactose-free milk. After a quick sniff he swallows a few mouthfuls. "Like I said this place is mostly for when our netrunners trip up some hardcore ICE, bring down the heat, y'know? Wade scrubs their work and hide 'em, while they take a breather away from any prowling corpo ninjas."

"I haven't ever really tried it directly, no." Nico still feels so unsure, like the kitchen is a buried mine ready to blow. His limbs feel too long and awkward, and he makes sure to keep his paws close to his belly.

Alaska looks relaxed, what could happen? He forces himself to sit in a dining room chair, breathing out a held breath.

"Mother always... her games use up most of our bandwidth, so I don't think our apartment would support another cyberdeck." It's a pretty bad lie, but Alaska lets it sit. Nico just shrugs. "I really only interface with the net at work, and it's usually through intermediaries like my terminal, or implants."

"Would you like to?" Alaska asks, leaning against the bench. There's less than a meter between them now, the crotch of Alaska's jeans directly at Nico's eye level. Nico catches himself tracing the outline of Alaska's bulge in his mind, then sheepishly looks away. "Ahab wants me to make you practice with your tether abilities, but I think that can wait until we're a little settled in. The basement has some spare parts, I reckon Wade'll have a few old headsets laying around, he doesn't do much else."

"I..." Nico hesitates. Why? What is there to be afraid of?

"C'mon," Alaska whines, stepping forward so his hips are only inches from Nico's face. The red panda can smell the wolf now, the musky heady scent of his fur, the slightly-wet-dog aroma following him. It's intoxicating. Alaska, playing at being oblivious to Nico's burning embarrassment, seizes the panda's wrists and tugs him to his feet. "Everything in this world is so inadequate. Stop being boring and let me show you my world."

Their eyes meet, and for a split second the wolf isn't guarded. Alaska desperately wants to share this, it's not an act.

As if Nico could say no, he's far too desperate for that.

"Okay." The word is so small.

The grin that comes back makes it worth it, and in a lightning fast blur Alaska drags them both downstairs and sets up the systems. There's no elite flight chair like Wade has, so the two sit down on a beat-up old couch, cables pooling beneath their feet like snakes. There's a silent minifridge in the corner of the room, as well as some old rock posters and a queen mattress with no bedframe; someone used to live down here.

Was it you? Nico wonders. Was he seeing into the secrets of Alaska's life? He realises now that he knows almost nothing about the wolf, save a few random details, given carefully and in isolation.

Alaska looms over Nico's front, and the panda is painfully aware each time the wolf touches him. Shuffling him to the side, tilting his head, fingers tracing the inside of his neck. "Okay, so I'm gonna put yours on then get myself sorted. I think our access ports are synced, but this gear is a decade out of date so I'm not a-hundred. If you don't see me, just chill, and I'll find you."

"Alright, how do I move?" Nico glances down, searching for a keyboard or controller. He's played a lot of games in his life, just none of the virtual-space ones like Mother likes. He can't risk turning out like her, and maybe that same obsessive retreating instinct is buried in him too, just latent.

Alaska laughs. "Just move as you normally would, the headset will interpret it. Your body will probably twitch a little bit IRL, but that's okay, I don't mind."

Nico's chest tightens, but he nods. A second later the goggles are down.

He sees only black, then a pale white dot in the dead centre, flickering like an old LCD. With a start he realises he's not staring at a screen, but can actually look around. The pale white dot is a location in space, and even as he thinks about it, it begins to move toward him.

It gets larger and larger, swelling in intensity and size. To the side of his vision, married to his perspective, an erratic rubix cube of numbers begins to twist and conform, marrying up access points and avatar codes with local data and netstate.

"Alaska?" Nico asks, unsure if he's speaking aloud outside the headset. He reaches up but can't feel anything surrounding his head, just fur, though it's... grainy, coarser than his own. "Alaska, wait, wait."

Snow crash. His vision is nothing but endless fields of fuzzing white, and then the 'scape blinks into life.

It's difficult for Nico's brain to parse. He is both standing in a physical representation of the net, yet the information is also being processed directly, both methods running in tandem. Files and datastreams are not represented as neon envelopes or anything so 1990s, but instead sensations and instinct. He's standing on cool granite, a distant black and orange pyramid rising in the distance. There are buildings and other nethubs realised as locations, but they aren't as simplistic as being a 'website' directly imagined.

Is this my own construct? Is this how I imagine the net, some kind of interpretive algorithm? Somehow that doesn't feel right either. It reminds Nico of the Las Vegas strip, a long corridor of branching options placed before him. He saw no ads, which was unusual, but he figures if he began exploring they'd worm their way in anyway.

"This is my place," Alaska's voice chimes. Nico turns, either his body or the entire world around him, and sees the wolf there. He's chosen to be represented as he looks in the real world, though Nico could swear he's slightly taller here. "Experiencing cyberspace directly is... well, it's a lot. So I built this nexus, like most 'runners do. It helps me navigate the space as best I want. Things here tend to remain analogues to their physical counterparts, but there's no reason it has to."

Alaska is gigantic now, five times the size of Nico, leaning over him with his jaw hanging open to reveal 8k-rendered strands of saliva, and sharp rows of teeth like rocks in the coast. "You should try fucking here sometime, feels almost as real as meatspace, only you can do an-y-thing." His maw falls forward over Nico like a breaching shark, and though the red panda cringes away, a half-second later everything is back to normal, including Alaska's size. "Still, it doesn't have to be so user-friendly," Alaska shrugs.

"What do you mean by that?" Nico asks, and like that, the world falls away. There is no nexus now, and when he looks down there is no body. There's only raw data, highlighted and trailing, like a rabbit's den of information. He can sense, feel, rather than see that each link and folder leads to a whirlpool of further options, the information links scaling exponentially with every dividing road. "Ohhhh," Nico gasps, seeing recipes and porn and Church ads and news funnelling into his awareness all at once. It's a colossal circuit board, which he thinks of two-dimensionally but operates in something more akin to four-dimensional space. There are nested walls dividing rooms but he can simply see through them.

"What is that?" Nico wonders, focusing on a huge burst of activity in the distance. It's insanity, chaos, light and data repeatedly compounded into itself by massive volumes of traffic.

"That's Anchor City, overladen and bogged down, barely holding up on the rusting infrastructure it has." Alaska expands the area. At first Nico thinks he can see other users' access points reflected in different colours, thousands of tiny dots flashing like sprinkles, but as he examines them closer he realises each dot conflates to roughly ten thousand users, sometimes more.

The circuit board explodes, and Nico is drawn into the midst of it. He's almost blinded by the maelstrom, the raw information, but then Alaska applies some kind of filter, and now he sees only a core tower of links and access. This one is black and white, bizarrely contrasted against the technicolour nightmare of the greater city. Alaska settles their awareness into a small shielded cavity, bloated binary data packets wrapping around them as they approach the core.

"This is what I've been working on recently," he explains. "It's safe, don't worry. This isn't the real thing, just a copy of the city as it appeared four minutes before we logged on."

Nico blanches. "You can copy the city that fast?" Why the fuck did he ever have to wait for porn to load? "Isn't that an insane amount of data?"

"It's not real," Alaska says, waving up some threaded stems, exploding them. "The data here is only a token, a representation of the real thing. I just wanted you to show you how I operate."

"It's weird, not what I expected. It's like... nothing I've ever experienced before."

He felt Alaska grin, chest sense tightening as the wolf's presence drew closer. "Exactly, isn't it amazing? Casual users like the sense of a body, and it can be fun, but this is real cyberspace."

Nico focuses on the tower. "What even is that?"

"Strandtech ICE." Alaska expands again, taking the multi-dimensional core and flattening it out, stretching it like a map of the globe. "Hardcore shit, but nothing is infallible. They have a show coming up, and I'm trying to gimp the ports so we can try to pick up any lost data that gets shaved off by the compression. File data is non-sequential, so if you have a binary array eight-hundred thousand characters tall and wide, security compression is going to lose somewhere between ten and forty-thousand bits as it squeezes and tests the files. That's fine, and the guys on either end don't even notice - their files remain whole even with a little bit of loss. We're hoping to pick up the scraps, piece 'em back together."

"I... guess that makes sense."

Alaska's presence virtually shrugs. "I vastly oversimplified it, but that's the gist. Strandtech's niche is bleeding edge tech, so there's no way in hell we're ever gonna crack the black ICE they got surrounding their cores. To even try you'd need some old-war Russian shit, maybe Chinese I don't know, but without a wicked scary burner program I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole, unless you wanna snow crash permanently."

Nico swallows. "I thought it was virtual? Is this a 'die in the dream die for real' kind of thing?"

"Yes... and no," Alaska says. "Usually, no. Getting iced means you boot to meat, and good stuff can burn out implants and kink your online presence so there's nowhere to hide... but they usually pick up where you are in real-space too. Some stuff, like the bleeding-edge bullshit Strandtech like, can fry you directly. So look, but don't touch."

"Wasn't planning on it," Nico whispers.

"C'mon, this is boring, let's go back." And with that he and Alaska are instantly back in the nexus, standing around as realised avatars.

Nico sits down, overwhelmed.

"I know, it's a lot." Alaska circles him, the movement of his legs not wholly synced up to his speed.

"It's all real, huh," Nico says, glancing up. "Leviathan, what happened back in Canada, the plans for the future. You really are gonna take on the Big Five."

"We are." Alaska turns away, and the walls slowly pull in. Suddenly the room is much more accommodating, warm even, a slow fire crackling in the corner. "I remember that moment too. It's why I brought you out here, help clear your head. Ahab has plans for you, and we need to bring you up to speed."

"But why me?" Nico spreads out, coating the floors and walls, struggling to maintain his self-image in the virtual space. Does he have organs here? Is his junk rendered beneath his simulated jeans? "I mean, yeah I hate corpos too and all, but you came to me. I was careful, you couldn't have known. Was it really just because I was close to Yuri?"

Alaska ignores the question, laughing, his mask going back up. "Your problem is you need something to focus on. Ahab hates the Big Five, with a burning passion almost nobody comprehends, that's his white whale. It's why he chose the name Leviathan, why he renamed himself after a classical story of vengeance. He's dramatic."

"I hate them too," Nico adds.

"Sorry, not like he does. Every thought he has is about destroying them, every moment he's dreaming is of their leaders being executed by firing squad. He is the most single-minded and driven man I have ever met." Alaska sighs. "That said. He wants you to speak for him. To become his voice. He's gotta take a step back, stop exposing himself, add a bit of mystery to the organisation's image."

"I can't," Nico says immediately. "Alaska, there's no way I can speak like he does, I don't have the... gravitas."

Suddenly the wolf is right in front of Nico. "You can. I don't think you realise how big of a deal killing Yuri Kisaramoto was, Red. It was fucking huge, and in just a few weeks you've accomplished more than all the other wannabe lieutenants we have. It's people like you we need, passionate and emotional people, real people. Everyone in this fucking city is a God-damn cardboard cut-out. But you need to be here for the right reasons. We're gonna burn this city to the ground, and it is not enough to just hate the corporations, everyone does. You need a goal, a mission, a central theme to guide you. You need a fucking crusade. We'll build you an identity with rumours and stories, but the core of your speeches, whatever you decide you need to say, to do, will have you drawing back to one central point."

"My white whale."

"Exactly." Alaska crawls up before him, lays his paws down on Nico's shoulders. Even here in the false cyberspace, the grip is firm, and Nico's stomach tingles slightly. "Tell me, what is it that you truly hate?"

The room falls away, and now they're riding across the ocean, standing and lying all at once like a dream. In the distance, colossal whales with flowing white wings instead of fins break the horizon, breaching from cloud to sea.

Nico goes quiet, thinking on the last few weeks. Before Canada he might have said Yuri, for what they did to Monzy Thessler, but that was a moot point now. He opens his mouth, almost says Northpoint, then hesitates. He does hate the company, but does he despise it enough to drive him to kill? Is that really enough to throw his life away in the pursuit of Ahab's dream?

It's not. It isn't focused enough, he needs something more. He thinks back to when he was sitting in the car with Bryce and Yuri, on their way to Arborvale. What disturbs him like that? What pervasive idea is enough to ignite that kind of smouldering rage again?

"Reverend Luther," Nico replies. "Or at least, his Neo-Orthodox Church." He nods, feeling good about it. The Neodox Church represents everything sick about Anchor City, the mentality that you can simply buy away your problems, indulge in belonging and wants until nothing matters anymore. No true creed or belief, no foundation values, just money. It's his focal point, an icon that seems to invade whatever space he's in, his mind and eyes always finding it no matter how well hidden.

At least the corporations are honest about what they wanted.

"Keep going," Alaska urges. "Why? What do they do that's so bad?"

"They pray upon the vulnerable," he continues. "They've hijacked the ritual of religion, and distilled their tenets and God so much it's barely recognisable. It's sick, the ads are everywhere, it's disingenuous." He had felt something off about Luther, when he met with Maya. There was something about that lion that was just... wrong. Not just wrong, even, dangerous.

Alaska is so close. "And? Don't stop now."

"It's profit off of lies, taking advantage of the weak and vulnerable." Nico realises it all then. The Neodox Church is something that should not exist, and he knows in that moment this is what they want from him. Something that can drive him, something to fuel his capacity for violence. "Anchor City, it's just one big fucking cycle. The corporations chew you out, and the Church puts you back together. Both take your money and your life, fill your head with empty promises, and leave nothing behind but misery and a hollowness."

"Yes, perfect, exactly!" Alaska cries, grinning wickedly.

"I hate them so much," Nico says. "I always have, the ads, the tattoos, the constant fucking notifications from their feeds." This was not something new, it had always been there inside him, lying dormant. How hadn't he noticed?

It's this city. It covers everything with vice and indulgence, until you can barely see the forest for the trees.

Nico flinches as the world goes black, and a moment later the goggles come off. He's sitting on the couch, and Alaska is straddling his lap, holding his shoulders.

It feels dangerous, too good to be true. Nico is ashamed to want it so badly. "Alaska, what are you--"

"You're committed to this, aren't you?" The wolf asks, suddenly serious, discarding the old tech. "There's no going back now, you need to be part of this. Your old life is going to fall apart, your family, friends, they might hate you for the things we're about to do."

Nico's mind went instantly to Monzy Thessler, to how powerless he had been to help her. Then he thought of Arborvale, of the poor Mayor Strickland trying to help his town, being forcibly bought out by a steel-hearted corporation. Those people will be nomads now, refugees in their own country. They'll either go to work in factories that pollute their body, paying their wages to a group like Luther's to ease their guilt and pain, or they'll roam freely, homeless, begging in the wastes of old Canada.

Nico nods. He's so angry, he's never felt anything like before, he's never felt anything like this before, his entire body is alight. "It has to be done." He bites his lip. "There's no other option."

"There never was," Alaska sounds so excited. He's so heavy, so warm, his hips are grinding against Nico's now. "I'm so glad to hear you say that Nico." And then he leans in, and kisses the red panda right on his lips.

Nico grunts, melting momentarily. Then he locks up.

So desperate to get me involved, so keen, always touching me. What had Jalan said?

"It's a persona, I put it on for clients here, clients like you. I do like you, and you're a really good guy, but this is my job, and I can't be your boyfriend."

Nico knows how little he's seen of the real Alaska. This is just another act.

He pulls back, and when Alaska keeps kissing him, his paws push on the wolf's chest and shove him back. Panicking, he lashes out psychically as well, and Alaska is thrown off and dumped onto the floor.

Nico instantly stands up, "I'm sorry, sorry,"

"What the hell!" Alaska snaps, also standing. He instantly shoves Nico. "What do you want Nico? You do nothing but stare doe-eyed at me, follow me like a puppy, and now you're saying you don't want me? Weird way of showing it."

Nico's face hurts. His skin beneath the fur is hot, but inside he feels cold, like ice, the bottom of the ocean. His stomach sinks, suddenly filled with stones. "No, I'm not saying that. I mean, I do, it's just... I know what you're doing. You don't have to."

"Excuse me?" Alaska hisses. He's so close, it hurts. "What I'm doing? What I'm doing is trying to comfort you, trying to help. I wanted to be close to you too."

"No," Nico falters, looking around, trying to look anywhere else. "You're just doing it because you want me to join Leviathan! But it's okay, it's alright, you don't have to pretend, I'm in, I'm not leaving."

"Do you really think I'm nothing more than Ahab's whore?" Alaska's voice is quiet now, but somehow that is so much scarier.

Please don't leave me, I just need to be near you. Nico thinks. Has her always been this desperate?

"I'm joining it, okay?" He blurts. "I'm all in, you don't have to be nice to me, you don't have to pretend to want me. I'll help your mission, I'll talk at Ahab's meets, whatever you want! It's okay, I'm not angry, I'm sorry!"

The slap stings when it comes. Nico blinks slowly, head turned, one paw rubbing at his jaw. He's never been hit like that before, and he swallows, an uncertain bolt of lightning shooting through him.

"How fucking dare you." Alaska hesitates, then seems to see his paw, shaking, still raised. "Wait... you... damn it, shouldn't have... pushed me, Nico..."

Nico only stares back, eyes wide. "Do it again," he whispers. With a start, he realises that he's hard as a rock, his cock straining against the inside of his jeans.

Alaska locks up, offending paw half-lowered. "What?"

"Again." Nico steps closer, tilting his face up as way of offering. "Please, hit me again. I want you to."

"I don't know, Nico I don't want to hurt--"

"Hit me!" Alaska's paw slaps him across the cheek, not as hard as before, but still enough to sting, a ricochet of excitement shooting right through Nico's stomach and straight down to his throbbing dick. The red panda sucks in a sharp breath, body trembling. "Harder."

What is wrong with you?

Alaska obliges with a loud smack, and Nico seizes him by the front, tugging them both back onto the couch. They go down in a tumbling heap, Nico pressing his snout into Alaska's throat, fangs nipping at the soft skin beneath his grey fur, finally indulging in the smell of the wolf. He's held himself back so much, refused to give in to this want and now it's here, it's right here on top of him and it's overwhelming, intoxicating.

There's one mechanical paw rubbing over Nico's face. Grey synthetic fur over shiny black metal skin. Alaska grunts, groans as he grinds his hips against Nico's. His paw is warm to the touch, feels almost like real flesh and fur. Nico collapses into the cushions, one of Alaska's thumbs slipping inside his mouth so he sucks it, a keen whine emanating from his throat.

"I've been watching you since we met," Alaska whispers in his ear, voice hoarse, desperate. His other paw is exploring Nico's body, running down his stomach, slipping under his shirt and going up, counting out his ribs. "Why are you so frightened of me?"

The wolf is everything. Together they work off Alaska's shirt, and Nico allows himself to feel the firm body. His thumbs go for Alaska's shoulders, and the wolf pulls away. "No, don't," Nico's own voice, whispering. Two fingers run down the middle of Alaska's chest, circling around his nipples, branching out again towards his shoulders. Alaska is frightened he can feel it, and Nico's captured even more by this small piece of vulnerability. His thumbs press into the grooves where metal meets flesh, feeling the rivets and scars, the smart-meat that marries the two. Alaska's paw catches Nico's wrist there, pulls it back, pins it up behind the red panda's head so their lips can meet. The kiss is electrifying.

"What happened to your arms?" Nico wonders, his other paw slipping across Alaska's elbow. He's desperate to own more of Alaska's fear, to know him entirely.

"Acid burn, long story," the wolf whispers back. "Fried my nerves. Ahab bankrolled it."

Fingers, too clumsy, fumble with Alaska's waist. He isn't even wearing a belt, and Nico's palm briefly brushes up against the warm bulge inside the denim.

"C'mon, hurry, ah," Alaska grunts, as the fly comes down. He's wearing light blue and red boxer briefs, a small dark stain of pre blotting the tip of his tented bulge.

"Wow," Nico says, fingers gently pinching the wolf's dick through the fabric. He rubs it reverently, and Alaska simply waits, letting him explore. Nico's fingers run down the front, cupping the balls and pushing into the taint, all filtered by cheap cotton mix. Finally he dares go beyond the elastic, hooking it over the end of his narrow fingers, slowly tugging it down.

Alaska's pubic fur is lighter than the rest of him, vague streaks of white accenting the grey. His bright red dick bounces out as Nico slides his underwear down, a quick throb shaking it in place with droplets of precum running down the side. The knot is still hidden, but he couldn't be harder - his sheath near-fully retracted and bunching up around the base.

Nico can't think, he just stares, shaking, paws hovering a few inches off. It's bigger than he expected, bigger than his own, bigger than Jalan's.

"Touch it, please," Alaska begs. He's so exposed like this, and Nico freezes the memory, stealing his need.

"I..." Nico pauses. The wolf grabs his paw, tugging it down and pushing it into his junk. Nico instinctively wraps his fingers around the cock, pleasantly surprised at how warm it is, a faint touch of wetness sticking his fur.

"Aaaah," Alaska moans through clenched teeth. Encouraged, Nico grips it tighter, tracing his thumb over the tip, opening the slit at the end and rubbing against it. The whole thing is choired by Alaska's soft grunts, little flexes of his hips and dick. Nico's paw slides down, fingers dipping inside the sheath. It's warmer and wetter than the exposed flesh, and he stretches it out, digging in deep. "That feels, ah, fuck," the wolf grunts, another thick droplet of pre bubbling at his tip and sliding down.

Nico pushes the blue and red undies down his thighs, cupping Alaska's hips, feeling his ass cheeks, fingers lightly brushing the base of his tail. He wants to pull the wolf apart and see how he works, get inside the skin and the fur, to wear him like a coat. Be him and be with him all at once. Alaska's fingers are still counting Nico's ribs beneath his shirt, and he silently wishes the wolf would slip in between the gaps of his ribcage, split the skin and squeeze his heart and lungs, crush the life out of his organs.

"Now you," Alaska says, paws pulling back as he quickly wiggles out of his pants. Nico swallows - the wolf looks incredible naked, his thick red cock swinging and shining in the light, his augmented arms as graceful as any dancer.

The couch is difficult to manoeuvre on, so they quickly scramble over to the mattress. Nico goes down first, on the bottom again, pulling Alaska over him by the paw. It feels lethal to be so close, and there's a sense in the panda's chest that he should leap off this ledge and fall - the same feeling he got when he visited the Anchor City dams on a school field trip at sixteen.

The call of the void.

Just jump, close your eyes and throw yourself out, no heed given to the consequences, to what it means. It doesn't mean anything, not yet.

Alaska pushes Nico's shirt up over his arms and head, kissing down his neck, then his pectorals, biting at his nipples, licking across his stomach. He sniffs under his arms and his teeth pinch at the loose skin of his belly. His paws, so firm and strong, stroke across the pulsing bulge in Nico's jeans. The panda groans, shuddering as Alaska grinds the heel of his palm into his crotch.

"Please," is all he can manage. Alaska bares his teeth, and this time there really is no mask, this is the real wolf, the shy part of him that Nico's only seen a handful of times. Nobody else would appreciate it, nobody else would see how totally open Alaska is in that moment. Growling, he undoes Nico's belt and shimmies the jeans to his knees, licking his lips at the sight of more precum staining Nico's tight pink briefs.

"Someone's excited, huh?" Alaska whispers, squeezing Nico's balls through the fabric.

"Yes, yes, ah," Nico gasps, squirming in place, toes curling.

"You want me to see your cock?" Alaska murmurs, nuzzling his nose against the warm-wet mound. Nico feels his throbbing redouble, he's so hard it actually hurts. "Want me to touch it, Red?"

"Yes, yes, please, ah, fuck, Alaska, please," Nico moans, angling his hips upwards.

The wolf grins. Mercifully, he slides Nico's briefs down, exposing his long hard cock, a little on the thinner side, but pink and wet, practically bubbling silvery precum. Without hesitating, Alaska wraps his lips around the tip, his coarse tongue flicking up against the bottom of Nico's glans. Nico's paws seize the sheets and he mewls, unable to breathe as Alaska's head sinks deeper onto his cock.

"Fuck," he groans. Alaska has one paw above, gently massaging Nico's tummy, while his other is pinching at the panda's thigh. His maw slides up and down relentlessly, nose almost burying down in the rougher brown pubic fur of Nico's crotch. His breath is so hot, and Nico can already feel his insides tightening.

More, he thinks, putting one paw on the back of Alaska's head and pushing it down. He feels lips against his length, pulling off, tongue flicking at his slit. There's licks and kisses and even teeth at his base, across his balls, then that engulfing warmth yet again, swallowing deep, paws everywhere, squeezing and pulling at his balls. If the guy upstairs isn't still in the net, he can definitely hear Nico's groans and shouts of excitement.

"Stop, stop," he finally gasps, pushing Alaska back as the wolf slides off. They both know what Nico means, what they need. The red panda quickly wiggles out of his jeans and underwear, kicking them off to one side.

It feels so exposing, to lie back fully naked, to trust Alaska like this.

Like you trusted Jalan? What if this isn't what you thought it was? Again? You don't really deserve someone like this.

Nico freezes but the wolf keeps moving, kneeling behind and raising the panda's legs. Nico bites his lip, usually he topped with Jalan, he's only done this a few times.

"Is your knot out yet?" He asks, craning to see.

Alaska shrugs, moving so he can see. "A little, but it gets bigger still though," he explains. His knot is already thick, adding a few extra inches to his already impressive length.

Alaska's head disappears. A moment later Nico feels his cheeks spread aside by strong fingers, and then hot breath on his tailhole.

"I... ahhhh," Nico simply sighs as he feels Alaska's tongue licking him. Jalan never did this. The tongue is practiced, and the wolf expertly pushes Nico open, working him out and helping him to relax, all the while coating everything in saliva. Every other moment Alaska reaches up to Nico's cock, stroking it quickly, just to make sure he's still with it. Nico's head is rolling back, eyes closed, toes flexing as he feels Alaska's tongue working him out.

"There," the wolf gasps, finally coming up for air. Nico pauses, looking down at himself. Alaska kneels just behind his ass, cock poking up, Nico's legs raised around him. Nico grunts as two fingers press inside his ass, just up to the knuckles, curling inside him. "Should I get some lube?"

"No, no," Nico gasps. "That's fine, be rough."

Alaska bites his lip, then nods. "If you say so." Even so, he spits into his palm, rubbing it onto his cock. Then he gently, but firmly, lifts Nico's ankles so his legs wrap around his hips. Nico lies back, swallowing. He sucks in a breath, and then he feels it.

Guided by fingers, the tapered end of Alaska's thick cock presses against his tailhole. Even just resting there, Nico can feel it throbbing, the precum warm as it dribbles down his ass.

"Yes, ah, keep going," Nico groans, trying to push down. Alaska leans over him, pressing one strong arm right across the panda's chest, locking him in place. His other paw holds his dick firm, as it pushes inside. Nico whines again. "Do whatever you want to me."

Nico lets out a thin moan, body shuddering as he feels himself relax, allowing the long cock to slip inside. The tip is through now, pulsing, and then Alaska pulls back - not fully out, just a small retreat. He redoubles, sliding deeper still, going halfway to the knot. It hurts to take so much at once, but the pain only drives Nico further, he needs that, it makes it real. He clenches his asshole and gets a rewarding "gah" from the wolf, focusing all his attention on memorising the bumps and ridges of that dick.

"Harder," Nico pleads, and Alaska starts thrusting again. He's faster this time, sliding in and out, working the tight hole, panting softly, rhythmically. His full weight is pressing down on Nico's chest and the panda loves it, feeling crushed beneath him, trapped.

"Gah, fuck, yes, you're so tight," Alaska hisses, driving deeper. He's almost to the knot now, and Nico can feel his walls stretching out, straining. Everything aches slightly, but Alaska is only picking up speed. Nico wants it to hurt, he wants to feel used, this isn't about him. "Shit, Nico," Alaska growls. His thighs are slapping as they collide with Nico's ass cheeks, as the panda mumbles and whines incoherently.

He reaches up, laying one paw around Alaska's wrist, still over his chest. Guiding it, Nico drags the paw up to his neck, places it on his throat. Alaska squeezes, gently but enough to put pressure on, his other paw - now free - reaching around and bracing next to Nico's head.

"You're so big, I didn't... realise..." Nico groans, finally feeling Alaska's knot knocking against his hole.

"It's still got a little to go," Alaska breathes.

"What?" Nico opens his eyes, frowning. Alaska only picks up speed, burying his muzzle into Nico's neck, biting at his flesh. "Ungh, ah, aaah, yes, fuck," Nico grunts, relaxing completely as Alaska slams his cock deep inside. It's stretching so far, filling him so completely.

"You like it?" Alaska grunts, Nico nods. A slap across the face catches him off guard, but it sends a jolt through his body all the same. "I said, do you like it, Red?"

"I love it," Nico grunts, "I need your cock, I want you to knot me."

"It's not about you," Alaska says. He knows what Nico wants. It's safer to be used like that, more arousing, so Nico can let himself enjoy it.

Alaska growls, tightening the fingers around Nico's throat. It feels good, to lie back and let someone else take control. Nico's just a passenger in this vehicle.

The wolf's thrusts begin to pick up speed, the slaps and grunts louder, the knot slamming hard against Nico's clenching hole. It would be less painful to relax more, but Nico wants it to hurt, he wants to feel everything.

"Knot me," he grunts. "Knot me, knot me, knot me," he says it over and over, a mantra under his sharp breaths, almost lost to the sound of Alaska's moaning.

Finally the wolf slams deeper, fingers tightening on his throat as the swollen bulge splits Nico's ring, eliciting a mixed cry of pain and ecstasy as it slips inside. It's longer than Nico's prepared for, and seems endless as he stretches around it. He feels his walls pushing out even further, the tip of Alaska's cock poking past what feels safe and still going deeper into his body. The wolf lets out a low keening howl as he bottoms out, grinding his hips in, panting hard.

"Holy shit," Alaska says, out of breath. "You're so tight, Red."

When Nico looks down, he sees a very slight bulge in his abdomen, just pushing up from his insides. "Is... that..." he reaches down, fingers tracing over it. Alaska flinches as he presses down. "You can feel that? Through my skin?" The wolf nods.

"Feels good too, you feel good." And he leans down, kissing Nico once again.

Then the thrusts begin anew. They're shorter now, impatient, the knot wiggling inside Nico's asshole. Nico wraps one paw around his tender cock, ready to pump it the second Alaska starts cumming - he wants them to finish at the same time.

As Alaska pushes, the bulge in Nico's abdomen moves with it. Back in, then out, back in, then out. He can't stop pushing on it with his free paw, feeling it, loving how much it causes Alaska to groan when he does.

"I'm getting close," Alaska whispers, slowly gyrating his hips against Nico's ass. "You're so... ugh, tight."

"Yes, yes," Nico hisses back. He wraps his free paw up around the back of Alaska's head and neck, pulling him close. "Cum inside me."

"I'm... I'm... agh, fuck," Alaska moans, pushing harder, deeper, his cock driving in Nico as far as it can go. "I'm gonna--, fuck, I'm cumming," he gasps, a shudder going through his entire body.

Inside, Nico feels a slight pressure, followed by a warm shooting sensation. Stroking his cock, he feels his balls tighten, and a moment later his dick throbs, cum shooting through it like lightning.

"Ah, ah, yes, fuck," he grunts, thrusting and squirming as rope after rope of hot sticky cum shoots up, painting his stomach as well as Alaska's. The wolf growls fiercely, sinking his teeth into Nico's shoulder as his back arches. Nico feels the wolf cum swelling his insides, filling it completely, little squirts being forced out the back and dripping down his ass. It's waves of pleasure, pulses through his paws and legs that almost hurt, a straining pain in his balls and cock, as well as the tight pressure of his asshole.

Finally, their orgasms end, and Alaska collapses on top of him.

Nico is unaware how long they lie there, but eventually the wolf is soft enough to pull out.

Nico says nothing. He's staring intently at Alaska's face, watching him as the wolf pulls away.

"That was fun." He moves to the edge of the bed, now seemingly uncomfortable with being naked. "You really like being hit like that?"

Nico blushes. "Apparently. I didn't know either."

"I've never seen you like that," Alaska whispers, rubbing at his jaw. "I didn't know you had a side like that." He stands then, going to his clothes, pulling on his undies, his jeans.

Nico retreats to the wall, hugging his knees. He suddenly feels small, thin, like he could move and fall through the world. His tailhole feels a bit sore, wet as cum continues to drip out. "You don't... regret it? I didn't mean to be so into it, I can be less, if you want, if you didn't like it."

"No, no it's fine." Alaska pulls his shirt on, plasters a smile. That smile is like a knife to Nico's heart - it's not even close to real. "I liked it. Good to know you have that passion in you, y'know? Be good, finding what we talked about."

"My white whale." Nico glances away. "Yeah. Of course."

"But I didn't do that for Leviathan. You're so boring when you start being all self-pitying." Alaska comes closer, standing over the bed. "Ahab never asked me to get close to you... like that. I wanted to, and you obviously wanted me too. You know that, right?"

"Yeah," Nico can barely look. He feels humiliated to be naked now, the cum cold as it mattes in his fur. It had felt so good, it had been everything he wanted from sex. It felt real, like the wolf finally let his mask down - maybe it was foolish to think they would stay down. He should have known he never deserved it. "Of course."