FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

It was a nice door, a reassuring door. It was one of the things I did to amuse myself, and calm the butterflies, sizing up the houses and apartments I visited. Sure, plenty of times the meeting was at a hotel, but a surprising number were at home. This door had an air of solidity to it, sturdy dark oak. The apartment was an old one, art deco and fully restored, speed lines and curves and decorative touches gleaming. I immediately felt at ease. Furs with genuine art deco apartments were usually not nouveu riche wannabes. I was learning.

The doorbell rang, a discrete 'ding dong', also nothing to be concerned by. Not that I should be concerned any more really. I had been doing this for a few months now and never had problems, well at least not security problems. The organisation was too good at screening its potential clients. The other problems, the ones deep in my soul, they were my own.

"Who is it?"

"Marcus...Marcus Clayton. I believe you are expecting me?"

The door opened, letting soft light stream out onto the dimly lit doorstep. A deer stood, framed in the light.

Deer in the headlights indeed.

He stood for long moments, looking me over. As usual, I had my uniform on. Sharp but conservative suit, expensive hoof boots from Loakes, layers of scent, not cloying but attractive. My mane was freshly braided, with a discrete silver tie towards the tip, and a matching silver tailring graced my dock. The armour was in place, for the brief time it was needed. It took an amazing amount of time to put on for how long it got to stay on, but it was a necessary part of the trade.

I had taken to getting one of my housemates to help me out, a sweet and bubbly feline called Emma. She always blushed and giggled, but took the time to do it well, and her care always touched me. When she was finished she would give my ass a quick spank, and finish with the Spartan mother's farewell. "Come back with your shield or upon it hun." Then a quick kiss on my cheek before sending me on my way. I think she had a crush on me, poor Emma, but knew enough to know there really was nothing left alive inside to love.

Still the deer looked. He was beginning to unnerve me a little.

"Do you approve?"

This was the awkward moment, strangely. Not when I stripped for the first time, not even when we touched, but now, that moment when it was all real for them. A package delivered to their door, the one they ordered, but always there was the chance of buyers' remorse. There was also the insecurity of this moment for me. It probably sounds stupid, incredible even, but it was the truth; deep down I thought I was ugly, and anyone like this guy would take one look at me and laugh. Maybe he was about to.

The deer came out of his trance, nodding jerkily as if on remote.

"Yes...yes...sorry, for some reason I thought I knew you but I must be mistaken. Come in Marcus, make yourself at home."

Unable to resist a gentle smile, I followed the deer into the entrance hallway. One of the many benefits of working for who I worked for. The clientele were always so polite. Kinky, often; and they got just as unwound in the middle of a hard pounding fuck as anyfur, screaming obscenities that would make a wharfie blush. But there was still a certain grace, social niceties to be observed before we got down to the serious business of cock and pussy or ass or whatever skanky shit it was they had bought my body for.

We emerged into a beautifully appointed lounge room, leather couches, wooden floorboards and what looked like genuine Persian rugs. Bang and Olufsen stereo discretely parked in a cedar sideboard, and one wall covered in books, real books, on every topic imaginable but with a clear bent to the humanities, politics, history, classics, art. I wasn't easily impressed, but this had to be one of the nicest spaces I had seen in my few months. The deer was all class.

The deer looked hesitant again, eyes darting around the room as if somewhere would be a cue card telling him what to do. I had been told it was his first time when I was booked, a new client coming through a referral from a trusted regular. He had requested a bi or gay stallion, top, muscled, shire or other heavy breed, and aged early 20's. A fairly typical shopping list, and one I was used to fulfilling, though I was not quite a match for a couple of those points.

I was 18, though I could easily assume a persona either older or (on rare occasions when it was requested) younger as needed. Today I had ramped up the sophistication a notch, better clothes, more mature grooming. The persona would match; Marcus was the working name I used for these gigs, the ones where I needed to be a little older, a little more worldly.

I could go the other way as easily, though for some reason it took a greater toll on my soul. Blessed with an early growth spurt and a gym dedication from early teens, I could still fit into my oversized school uniform and slip into the idiom of my last years of school. It should not have been a surprise I guess, I had fucked enough older women in my teens to know how much a sweet innocent schoolcolt in a stallion's body could get certain women in heat like nothing else. Specially when we fucked in their bed, Mastercharging the whole experience to their husbands' credit cards. I went by Cody for those gigs, they always seemed to like it.

This was the kind of gig that troubled me most though. I took appointments with guys, I found I needed the money too much to pass them up, but truthfully I didn't see myself as bi, let alone gay. Sure growing up I had my share of experimental moments with my schoolmates, jacking off together and even getting blowjobs from some of the more curious or forward ones. But I still didn't see it as part of me; I was a straight stud who could fuck a guy if needed, but I doubted I would ever really enjoy it. And as for taking a cock or giving head, no way.

I was surprised when those absolute stipulations didn't seem to make me unsuitable for the male clients; quite the opposite it seemed. As a naïve 18 year old shy straight stallion, the whole top/bottom dom/sub thing was a complete mystery, letalone the whole straight stud gay for pay fantasy. I learned fast, and apparently an overgrown straight shire stallion could be a totally dominant top and that was ok. In fact with some of them, the more I played an arrogant asshole the better.

The deer was looking panicky now, and I decided to take the lead and calm his fears. He needed a guide in these new environs, and I would be his for a price.

"My apologies, I understand this is your first time using the services of E3. Would you like me to explain how this works?"

He looked almost pathetically grateful, the robotic nodding back.

"Yes please Marcus...I must seem like an awful dunce at this, so I would appreciate your assistance."

My ears flicked a moment, and my tail stopped mid swish. Hearing his voice in the echoing room, sent a shiver up my spine, fur tingling. Something was wrong, or at least not good, but I couldn't place it. I had dismissed his concerns before, but now I shared that feeling. I was sure I knew him from somewhere. I dismissed the concerns though; I had nothing concrete to go on, and I needed the money this week more than usual.

"Well, first, if I may be forgiven, the business matters before the pleasurable ones. You will have provided your credit card details to E3 before being allowed to make a booking. At the time you will have been given a list of charges and services, and when you made your booking you indicated what services you desired. At the end of the evening, I will phone our office and confirm the services and the bill for the evening. Your credit card has been pre-authorised."

"Yes, that is all understood."

"Fine. Well, it is customary to allow the client to inspect his chosen companion at the door, and once you allow him in, you have accepted at least a minimum fee. The next stage however is a more searching examination, and you can still send me away if you find you don't like what you see. Would you like to see all of me?"

His eyes widened at that, and he reached for a decanter of what looked like whiskey on a table beside the couch. Sitting down heavily, he poured a stiff drink, ignoring the soda bottle, and took an experimental sip before looking at me again.

With sudden decision, he nodded and grinned a slightly sheepish grin.

"Yes, I would like that very much."

Returning his smile now, I began giving the deer a show. He was a slight enigma was this buck, but then again they all were. Tall and elegant, lithe and muscled from what I could tell under his clothes, aged in his 30's, educated accent, well-tended antlers but not big ones. Restrained; that was the word I was looking for. Someone who was usually inhibited, controlled. Precisely why he had hired a bulky young equine stud for a night of hard sex was one of those mysteries I frequently encountered, but had learned not to probe into. He had his reasons, and provided they didn't cause any issues I was better off not knowing.

Off came the hoofboots, hand tooled English leather. Always the hoof coverings first. Then the suit jacket, laid carefully on the back of a leather lounge chair. The tie, and I always took my time with the tie. Italian silk, discrete stripes, I handled it like a lover handling your body, taking the time to feel its smooth length slide through my hands. The deer licked his lips, eyes gleaming. It was working.

The shirt was next, and I always enjoyed a good tease. Fumbly fingers slowly dealing with each button, opening up from the neck. The gradual exposure of chest, first a hint of white fur on chestnut at the top of my chest, then as I opened more buttons, and let the shirt open some more, the sight of my pecs, and a line of coarse white fur disappearing towards my groin. It was having the desired effect on this deer, each new revelation making his eyes widen a bit more. Then the final button, and I pulled my shirt open wide, revealing my chest in all it's glory, the perfect abdominals clenching in the night air, the thickly muscled pecs straining as I flexed, making two perfect nipples bounce in a slow enticing dance.

I admit I loved this moment, as much as fearing it. I had nothing to fear tonight though, because the deer was entranced, his expression one of outright hunger. I dined on that look, the ego boost like fast food for my soul. Like MacDonals, I knew the sensation of satisfaction wouldn't last, to be replaced by nausea, but it felt so good. Sometimes, that look of hunger was the sole residual sensation I had from one of these nights.

With a cheeky wink, I slid the shirt off my torso, laying it carefully on the chair, and stood with legs slightly parted, a confident and sexy smirk on my muzzle.

"Like what you see?"

"Ohhhh yesss..."

It came out like a hiss mated with a groan, and his eyes were popping on stalks. I stifled a laugh, this was one of my best reactions yet, though I always seemed to get a good one. Years spent honing my body into a fine state had turned my naturally blessed physique into one made for erotic dreams. It was almost my sole asset, and I had learned to invest it wisely. The reasons I had been determined to get so strong were none of my client's business, though some would ask in the comfortable afterglow of post sex cuddling. I pretended I was naturally endowed, something to feed their jealousy.

"Would you like to see the rest?"

All he could do was nod again. A deer of few but well chosen words this one.

The belt was a heavy one in leather, with a silver buckle. I always took it right off, something about the sound of it swishing through the eyes on my pants seemed to work wonders. Then the buttons; one, two three four five. Finally I gripped the hips of my pants and slid them over the curve of my ass and the cradle of my hips, exposing first the lower abdomen and my Adonis belt, then the first hint of curly white pubes above my sheath, then inching them over my swelling bulk as the deer gasped at the unexpected sight of my groin. I always went commando for these appointments, the ones with guys.

My sheath throbbed, the black expanse of skin bulging under the weight of a stallion cock readying for action. The exposure continued though, and I slid my pants down my thighs before pulling them over my hooves and laying them alongside the rest of my clothes, and stood there naked with my muscles tensing easily. His gaze was fixed on my groin now, and I gave him the final part of the show, letting my aching cock slide free from its sheath, the full length of mottled pink and black stallion dick crowning a pair of balls the size of oranges. I had found that I was pretty much your typical 18 year old stallion, and could get erect at the drop of a hat. That was useful in this line of work.

I loved and dreaded this moment almost as much as the first sight of my chest. What would be the reaction this time? I had seen them all; fear, lust, amazement. Furs came to E3 knowing what they were getting, but it was one thing to know it intellectually, or see one on Yifftube, it was another to have a stallion with over 12 inches of thick hard cock standing in your living room knowing if you said yes that same cock was going inside you. Plenty had got cold feet.

This deer looked as if he might be one of those for a moment, his expression kind of appalled and fascinated, but I saw the hunger win out, and as I reached full erection, my domed flare slapping against my belly and sending a little spray of precum into the air, he licked his lips and began to pant. I knew I was getting paid tonight. Just to make sure though, I did a slow circle, pausing with my ass towards him, tail raised provocatively as I bent over slightly exposing my crack. I heard his sharp intake of breath and a deep ragged groan. Yeah, I was getting paid alright. E3 was about to own his credit card if he groaned any louder.

"Would you like to take a shower, get better acquainted? Or perhaps you would like to head straight to the bedroom?"

"Ahh..s...shower Marcus. I think that would be great."

"Well, lead on then."

Seemingly mesmerised at the sight of my cock, he didn't move for a moment, eyes widening slightly as he caught sight of a slight glint of metal. I had a silver piercing in my sheath, right down near the base of my cock, the ring threaded with an onyx, and he watched it twitch and flex with glittering eyes as my cock swayed in the air. I had taken it off when I went on appointments early in my career then left it on one time by accident and found it worked well.

I think it gave clients the right mental break; I appeared one of them, right clothes right accent right education it seemed, but also not, the slight tinge of other, of bad stallion, allowing them distance to balance the familiarity. They could allow me into their homes, but feel no compulsion to let me into their hearts, or even to give my welfare a second thought.

There was a price for me though. That look was often the final moment when their eyes closed over and they stopped seeing me as a being, instead I became a perfect dildo with a stallion attached. Hard, muscled, bulges in all the right places. Batteries even included.

Finally, he put one hoof in front of the other, leading me through a doorway and into what appeared to be the main bedroom, more books and artwork, and some photographs on a board. I avoided the photographs with determination, and the deer continued into the ensuite, before turning to face me again beside a perfect looking double shower.

It was time to take the lead again, and I reached for him as he gave a little start before relaxing, my touch reassuring. I undid his shirt, a beautiful silk number from England, before casting it casually aside. As he looked on with needful fear, I knelt, taking off his light hoof coverings, letting my fingertips casually stroke his ankles to the accompaniment of a contented shudder. Finally, I reached for his belt, unbuckling and unzipping before drawing his pants down to the floor, leaving him in nothing but grey boxer shorts. They tented out obscenely, a small wet patch at the apex of the bulge. With studied care, I slowly drew them down and over the straining deer cock, the hard red length slapping against his belly once freed from confinement.

I stood again to admire him as he flicked his pants off his hooves and sent them flying to the other side of the ensuite. He was as he appeared, lean but finely muscled, no fat on him, his greyish brown coat looking soft and fine. His hindquarters had the typical flash of white, and a short diamond shaped tail, white under, grey/brown above. He was a typical deer, but an attractive one. Again I wondered why he was paying for what he could probably get easily

He opened the door to the shower, more confident now we were both naked, and turned on the water before adjusting it to his liking. I joined him, pressing my body against his under the water as he melted into my embrace. Reaching for his nipples, I gave them a teasing stroke, hoofed fingertips rasping over sensitive erectile skin, before I took the soap from the shelf in the shower and lathered up.

"Just lean against the wall there and enjoy."

He obeyed, eyes closed as he enjoyed the sensual excess of having another male attend him, touch allowed to roam at will as I washed his soft fur. It felt good, I had to admit, he kept his coat well tended, and he seemed to like the feeling of being washed. An experimental reach told me he was enjoying a lot; his cock stuck out at right angles, sticky precum drooling from a tapered tip.

I took my time, lathering and rinsing every part of his body, getting him used to my close presence, and my touch. By the time I was soaping his generous sack, gently squeezing his balls as I washed them, he was almost purring like a kitten. I jacked his cock, hard as granite, but not letting him cum yet. Plenty of time for that later. Finally I washed off the last of the soap and shut off the shower, pulling the panting deer onto the bathmat before drying him roughly. I handed him a towel then, inviting him to return the favour if he wanted. He definitely wanted.

He rubbed all over my body, starting with my mane and back, then down my legs, before he concentrated on my groin. His touch roamed over my stallonhood, feeling it, before he discarded the towel and just held, two hands barely enough to contain it. He jacked roughly, too roughly and I grunted a little as he hurt my flare, but it didn't last long and soon he was cupping my balls, staring at the end of my cock like a rabbit staring at a rattlesnake. Almost it seemed without thinking, he knelt and let his muzzle close on my flared tip, stopping only inches away, nostrils flaring as he drank in the scent of aroused stallion, before diving onto my cock and suckling like a five year old on a lollypop.

He had no idea really, even straight guys I had fooled around with in school gave better head, but I made all the right noises and writhed my hips to push inside his muzzle. I wasn't being paid to enjoy it, I was being paid to make my client enjoy it, and think he was God's personal sex angel. He attacked my cock with enthusiasm, but too many teeth and too little suction. Still, I gritted my muzzle and let him enjoy.

Thankfully he stood up soon, wiping his muzzle of traces of my precum, and took my hand leading me to the bedroom. I let him sit on the bed, chest heaving in excitement, before giving him the nudge.

"What do you like?"

He looked about to speak, but something made him stop. I had seen this plenty of times; when faced with the need to actually articulate their sexual needs, a client would clam up and stall.

"Show me if you cant say it."

He smiled at that, and still grinning like a demon, took up position on hands and knees on the bed, his head resting on the pillow and his little stubby tail raised. He let his thighs part a little then, dropping his hips and opening his crack for me, revealing an achingly tight looking pucker and a long soft furred taint leading to the back of his scrotum. The request was plain enough.

I had palmed my tools of the trade on the way to the shower from my pocket, leaving them beside the bed, so I was able to reach for them now, familiar shapes in my hand. One large packet of condoms, and one large bottle of lube. I started with the condom, experience had shown that putting one on with fingers slick with lube was a nightmare, so my first order of business was to open up that foil packet and slide on an extra large stallion shaped condom. It felt like putting on my work clothes, clearing the decks for action. The lube was next, its thick viscous feel against my fingers so familiar, and I dripped a liberal dose on the condom before jacking my cock, slathering its coating on my latex sheathed length.

"Just relax...I want to get you ready and I will take it slow."

The deer just whimpered a bit then, and I gave his butt a playful slap. This had an odd reaction though; instead of complaining, or ignoring, he gave a startled yelp and a sigh, grinding his antlers into the bed and propping his tight ass a little higher.

"Oh yes sir...I've been a very bad buck...please don't punish me too hard."

A troubling echo registered in my mind then, places long left hidden behind bolted doors suddenly opening again. I shrugged off the confusion, and gave him another slap, harder this time and he clenched and unclenched his butt, whimpering and moaning as he begged me not to punish the bad buck. Well, it takes all kinds.

My fingers now well and truly coated in lube, I ran fingertips along his taint, down to his scrotum, where I stroked the short furs on his balls and watched him writhe and groan, then up again to his tight pucker. I pressed experimentally, finding his pucker less tight than I expected, the muscle yielding easily to my fingers. He cried out then, pushing back onto my thrust and taking half my finger inside him before he stopped, his tail wiggling in response to the sensations in his ass. He was an experienced bottom after all. I wondered if he had ever had a stallion before, or if this was some forbidden fantasy.

Gently I sawed one finger into him and out, going a little deeper each time, feeling his muscles relax and open for me, the ring no longer feeling like it was going to try to slice off my finger. I pressed a second against him now, and slid it in beside the first as his mewling cries became steadily louder. Pulling my fingers apart, I stretched his ass, feeling his skin quiver against my touch as I pushed him to the edge of his pain tolerance, his pucker gaping invitingly. A good squeeze on the lube bottle deposited a river of thick clear fluid into his hole, soothing and easing the pain, and I slid my fingers in now harder, the movement easier. He was moaning and moving with my caress, his body in sync to my touch. I thought it was time now, and without warning drove in deeper.

His body went into spasm as my hooved fingertips smacked into his prostate. He bit down onto the pillow, smothering his cries partially as he rotated his ass in my grip, trying to cover his little deer nut in touch. I knew how to oblige, letting my fingertips part and slide past his nut, closing in on the sensitive nub of flesh before rubbing it between them. My other hand now reached for his cock, straining and dripping a torrent of deer pre into the sheets.

It wasn't long before I felt his ass clench down, hard at first, then even harder, and his muffled cries became screams. His cock gave a great throb in my hand before unloading into the bed, powerful spurts of deer seed staining the designer bedding. His whole body was shuddering as his orgasm receded, and he just lay there for a moment, head in the pillow, ass still pointing to the sky, enjoying the aftermath.

"Please stud...please fuck me hard, I've been a very bad buck."

I was horny enough now that I didn't care if he started reciting from Deuteronomy. If he asked for fucking, he was getting it in spades. I pressed my straining tip against his now open and lubed pucker, the flat end finding difficulty in entering as always. I knew I had to be careful, and patient, and I gripped my cock, lining it up perfectly, and pressed away.

His pucker pressed inwards, straining under the assault, until finally the muscle stretched wide enough and my flared end slid inside. He gripped the sheets with white knuckled hands, pulling the fabric into a ball in each clenched fist to ward off the pain. I waited a moment, letting him adjust and relax the death grip on the bedding, before resuming my entry, the next two inches sliding inside as he gurgled into the pillow. It was a slow, painstaking process, as gentle as I could make it, though I had learned to not make it too gentle. When people bought a stallion, the wanted it to hurt a bit. It was part of the fascination.

Eventually, with a last careful thrust, I hilted inside him, and leaned over the deer, one arm wrapped around his chest while I propped myself over him with the other. I licked the back of his neck while he huffed into the pillow, his body now relaxing in my grip.

"Are you ready buck?"

His moan and nod were all I needed.

He had asked for a rough fucking, and a rough fucking was what I was going to give him, or at least as rough as I thought he could take. My hips pulled back, tip only left inside him, before I drove back in full length, feeling his tight walls spread and twitch against my invading length. The thrusts became longer, and faster until I was giving him a good hard pounding, my hips slapping against his upturned butt and mashing his little tail on each thrust. I was letting him have most, but not all, keeping a couple of inches in reserve for the coup de grace.

He was letting out a constant deep gurgling moan now, his tongue extended and drool pooling on the pillow as I fucked him. His ass felt so good, I had to admit there was something about guy ass that was different to pussy and it felt good around my cock. This buck was no exception, and I knew I needed to back off or distract myself if I was going to make it last.

I settled for my usual distraction technique, doing sums in my head while I rammed away at his ass, a piston on autopilot as the deer writhed and pleaded for a hard unyielding fucking.

With this session, $1,000 for the week. Couple of shifts at the bar, maybe $1,300. Tuition fees, $300. Rent, $200, food $100, car repairs (fuck that useless pile of shit) $250, textbooks $150, phone $50, bills $100, groceries $50...fuck not much left over...aargh....and again....

The deer was pleading now, and I realised I had zoned out for a while and missed his change in demeanour. It took a moment to work out what he was saying.

"Yes big daddy, fuck me, I'm a bad buck, please big daddy, fill me up, harder big daddy..."

My mind raced into a fracture zone before I could stop it, the doors from the past wide open now, spewing forth their cargo of dread.

"Yes you bad colt, that's right, you deserve this you worthless piece of shit, your big daddy is going to punish you and punish you hard, you were made to be punished though, and I was made to show you what you are, so you will take it bad colt and you will thank me..."

I let out a long screaming "No!" as I felt an icy hand grip my chest and squeeze, and suddenly I wanted to hurt, hurt a lot. I snarled, and began pounding without mercy, using that last two inches of stallion cock as an instrument , sliding in to that point, hesitating, then giving a last shallow thrust to drive in deeper and ram into the deer's bowels. He gave a huge moan and began shaking as I went into a frenzy, his cries of yes matching my cries of no. I felt his ass tighten, his whole body beginning to twitch, until he gave a great shudder and unloaded his second heavy load of deer cum for the night, spraying like a firehose into the bed.

I collapsed on top of him, disoriented and shaking, as the buck lay panting and spent for the moment. Groping for control, I wrapped him in my body, holding on tight as he nuzzled up against me, apparently satisfied he had got his money's worth so far. I had yet to cum, my cock still rock hard inside him, and he squeezed my length with his ass, teasing and building my arousal again. He begged for more, and in spite of my mental state I couldn't deny him. I was just a dildo after all, a well paid dildo with a stallion attached.

I ended up taking him from behind, laying on my side with the deer on his side spooned against me. The penetration was more shallow, and measured, and he seemed to enjoy this more sensual fucking, my hand wrapped around his cock and giving him a long slow handjob while I took his ass and bit on his neck. His antlers rasped against my chest but I didn't mind, the pain somehow cathartic as I concentrated on my craft, the exquisite application of sensation to nerve endings on fire, until I felt him tense and cry out again.

"Please cum for me! Please!"

Somehow it worked, and the pressure in his ass finally drove me to the ending. My balls drew up, my tail slapping with increasing urgency against the bed, until as I felt him lose the fight and spurt ropes of cum onto his chest fur, I roared out a high pitched whinny and unloaded my own release into the condom. The orgasm seemed to go on for ages, my muscles straining as I bred his tight deer ass, until finally the thrusting became painful as my cock moved into that hypersensitive stage post orgasm and any movement of my throbbing flare brought agony.

I held him again, the deer drifting off to sleep in a post sex haze of endorphins against my body. There is something about a big horse holding a smaller fur that makes them fall into a warm sleep feeling all protected and warm. The buck was enjoying it now, and I heard his breathing change, becoming deeper, then softer, then slight snorts and sighs as sleep took him.

I pulled out then, heading for the ensuite to take care of the condom full of spoo, cleaning my cock and taking a shower to wash off the smells and touch from tonight. I retrieved my clothes from the lounge, dressing quickly. I had been longer than the deer had paid for, but I wasn't going to quibble.

Returning to the bedroom, I gave the deer one last stroke of his antlers before preparing to go. What was it a wise person once said? You aren't being paid for sex, you're being paid to leave after the sex is done? With a ghostly smile I prepared to head into the night, before I caught sight of the photograph on the wall.

I couldn't believe it at first, thinking it must be some sort of hallucination, but as I stared and focussed, the reality dawned. There was the deer, the one in the bed just next to me, and there was an Arabian stallion with his arms wrapped possessively around him, both smiling for the camera. A stallion I knew well, one whose face haunted my nightmares still.

"Yes you bad colt, you deserve this you piece of shit, your big daddy is going to punish you and punish you hard..."

I jumped a good foot in the air as I felt the deer beside me, his muzzle on my shoulder.

"That was my partner, he died a couple of years ago. I hadn't been ready for sex for so long after he went, and I didn't know how to go about dating or anything again so...well you know what I did. Thank you Marcus...you were perfect."

"Yes big daddy, fuck me, I'm a bad buck, please big daddy, fill me up, harder big daddy..."

Oh God please say it isn't so.

"Where...what did he do for work?"

"He ran an orphanage school for several years, then he became head of a big school just before he died. He loved teaching, I visited his orphanage a few times and you could see he liked the kids, especially the colts."

I knew I had seen the deer somewhere.

"I have to go now, is that ok?"

"Of course, I think you've already stayed longer than I booked. Thank you again, that was amazing. Are you ok to get home?"

"Yes."

I left him the card, as was part of the package, though I later cursed myself for it.

E3...Elegant Equine Encounters...for all your equine needs. Your consultant is Marcus, please ask for him by name if you require anything else.

I couldn't leave fast enough, the nausea finally catching up with me after the door closed and I barfed into the rhododendron bushes beside the driveway.

The taxi was waiting, and I just stared straight ahead all the way home, walking past my housemates and heading for my room without saying a word.

Eventually Emma knocked and entered, her face a mask of concern. She sat on the bed, and I realised I had curled up in a ball hugging my knees to my chest. Her fingers in my mane felt so good, I relaxed a little, nudging her with my head playfully as she laughed and pinched my shoulder.

"Hey"

"Hey"

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Want a drink?"

"Yes."

She poured me a long glass of whiskey and I threw it back in an instant, holding out the glass for a refill as she watched me self destruct one glass at a time.

"Your job is shitty hun...look, why don't you give it up? I can spot you some money, and we are ahead on bills..."

"No! I'm no one's charity case, not any more, ok? I keep my end up, just because I'm an orphan doesn't mean I get to be a burden..."

"Nobody thinks you are a burden Daniel. Why do you do this? Why are you so hard on yourself? I could help you out and..."

"And what? You are lucky, you have mummsy and daddy to take care of you, I don't have that luxury. I can never relax, never stop fighting, or I might go under."

I had hurt her, I knew, every time I brought up her background. She was self conscious about it, the poor little rich girl with two barristers as parents. I knew how to hurt her, that was why I did it.

She should leave me alone, I am no good for her. If I hurt her enough she will go away and be safe. Doesn't she realise how worthless I am?

She didn't go though, just snuggling up against me and keeping me warm while I lay there. Remembering everything; the orphanage, the past, trying to start university with no money and being broke and almost homeless. That first encounter with Miss Everett in the bar had seemed like the answer to my prayers. The price was only beginning to manifest.

As Emma relaxed in sleep against me, I took out the diary from under my bed and thumbed through its pages, the record of my career as a bought and paid for stallion, recollections flooding my vision. Good times, bad times, seriously weird times. The female fox who paid me to read Twilight to her while she sat on my naked lap. The first guy I fucked for money, a bear with a big gut who moaned like a two bit Yifftube whore while I plowed him for ages. The very proper lady wolf, a judge of the Supreme court, who had hired me to fuck her husband while she made him eat out her puss. The images blurred in my whiskey soaked brain until they merged in one giant clusterfuck of the soul.

I knew I couldn't go on. I penned a text to Miss Everett, thankful and full of regret, but final. I was hanging up my stud license, going straight. Or as straight as I ever could.

As I started to write up tonight's little misadventure, I tried to itemise my blessings. I had my health, and amazing friends, and a place to stay for the moment. And, at least I knew now, the occupant of my nightmares was dead, no longer able to hurt me physically. That was not nothing. And I was good at my course, I could do this stuff if I could only get the chance.

As the words flowed, a new idea dawned, one at once impractical and alluring. I knew I could write, that was something, and maybe just maybe I could do it for a living, or at least in addition to working at the bar. Maybe there was something to be tried before giving up. Real life books sold well, and this could be just crazy enough to have an appeal.

I took the pen, and thought a moment before writing on the cover of my diary.

Your Stallion for the Night - memories of an equine escort.

That would do for the moment.

I turned a fresh page, and began the first paragraph of the rest of my life.

"It was a nice door, a reassuring door."

The purring feline next to me kept me sane, comforting companion through the night.