FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

A burst of laughter from outside his cubicle shook James from his hyperfocus on coding. The donkey stuck his head around the cubicle wall and caught sight of a gaggle of newbies gathered by the water cooler. They were bright, young, and vivacious--men and women alike in top physical form as well as intellectual. Each of them made half what James did and were probably twice as productive nonetheless. And to top it off, they were so wrapped in company spirit that they wore matching shirts of purple with yellow highlights, emblazoned with the intell-A-vision logo across the right breast. They were the perfect employees: cheap, loyal, and good at their jobs. The donkey sighed and swung his head back into his cubicle, quietly wondering if he'd get a good severance package when they finally decided to drop him.

"Hey, Jimmy boy!"

James looked over his shoulder. A coyote stood in the doorway, grinning like an idiot and, James noted, also wearing one of the purple and yellow intell-A-vision shirts. That was new.

"Why the long face?" Aaron, his boss, asked.

James snorted. "That's not an equine joke, is it?" He glanced back down at the shirt again. It was rather tight against Aaron's chest and... had he started working out? He'd always talked about doing so, but had never actually started.

"What, no." The coyote paused for a moment and then slapped his thigh. "Ha! I get it. I'll have to remember that one. Anyway I was just wondering what's up. You've been frowning a lot around the office and, frankly speaking, your productivity is down."

James felt a little touched by the concern. That too was also new about Aaron, but James wasn't about to complain. "It's stress," he said quickly. "It'll pass."

"Stress? You haven't been to see Mr. Caddis, the new morale man, yet, have you?"

James shrugged and tried to focus on the lines of code in front of him while he chatted. "Didn't even know we had a new morale man."

"Oh sure. He worked wonders for me. My confidence is through the roof, and I finally started eating better and working out." The coyote sauntered into the office and leaned on the desk not far from James's keyboard. He gave a lascivious wink and a knowing nod. "And I tell you, the wife hasn't complained a bit."

Now that was a bit more like the Aaron James knew: a randy son of a bitch. James laughed and relaxed. But at the same time, he mentally cursed the fact that the lucky bastard was having sex, and seemingly really good sex, while he was single and had been for some time.

"Tell you what, James," the coyote said. "I'm giving you two weeks off, all paid, and it doesn't come out of your vacation time. All you have to do is go see Mr. Caddis every other day."

James's ears flicked as he thought. "You're serious?"

"Every bit. I can't have you dragging down office productivity, and besides," he said with a grin, "you'll have a great time."

James pondered. Two whole weeks off, with only short visits to the office. Paid for? "How can I say no?"

* * *

Mr. Caddis turned out to be a crocodile. "Gator," he corrected a moment after James had taken a look at him. A snaggle-toothed smile was on his lips the whole time he introduced himself. He was big and tall and had that touch of paunch typical of his species. His office was magnificently large, only two floors below the company president's office and likely just as swanky: three walls were nothing but windows, the corners of the office held not potted plants but small topiaries, behind Mr. Caddis's desk was a floor-to-ceiling water feature whose trickling noise filled the full room, and the chairs were so large and plush that James worried he might fall asleep in them.

And high over the alligator's head, behind his desk, was a company logo at least three feet high. The massive letter A in the middle was done in full masonic detail, looking much like a pyramid with a giant eye floating above it. Code monkeys like James jokingly speculated that the company was run by the illuminati and their programs were meant to usher in the new world order.

As James adjusted himself in his seat, Mr. Caddis took out a bottle of iced tea from a fridge hidden behind a fake wall panel, offering it to James, who shook his head. The gator nodded and took it for himself instead. "So I hear you've been under a lot of stress," he said and slipped into his seat with unexpected grace, adjusting his tie. "Oh, and before we go any further, let me just say that everything said here is confidential. Even the president can't compel me to talk about it. It's not doctor-patient confidentiality--I'm not a doctor--but we treat it like such." He took a swig of the tea and then laced his fingers together. "Now tell me: why are you feeling stressed?"

The donkey considered not answering truthfully, but he was getting two full weeks of vacation out of the deal. He might as well go with it. "I don't feel useful anymore."

"How so?"

James adjusted in his seat and rubbed at his wrists unconsciously. He considered lying, but the look Mr. Caddis was giving him suggested he would know right away. He wasn't sure lying to the "Vice President of morale" (who ever heard of that before?) was going to be good for him. "Look. I'm an old-school coder. The kids these days are brighter than I ever was and they work for peanuts. I don't know how long I have before I'm asked to leave, and I don't know what I'll do when that happens."

The alligator tilted his head to one side in thought. "You think you aren't valuable?"

"Well, yeah."

"Do you really believe intell-A-vision would go through all the trouble we currently are if we believed you would be phased out soon?"

James felt confused, and the penetrating gaze of Mr. Caddis unnerved him so that he found himself looking anywhere else: at his hands, at the desk, at the water feature, at the oversized eye atop the logo. "I guess not."

"It's okay," Mr. Caddis said in a low and rumbling voice. "I understand exactly how you feel. I felt the same way myself just a few years ago. I swore my days at intell-A-vision were numbered. Yet here I am. I understood then, as you do now, that there was no rational reason for my fear. Fears aren't rational. And yet the fear persisted."

"What did you do?"

The alligator laughed a little and drummed his fingers along the top of the desk. "We often think of our stress as resulting from such dissonances in our life, but often they can be the cause. We feel stressed, so we feel out of place. I think that is your problem, just as it was mine."

"Huh." The donkey sat back. "I hadn't thought of that possibility."

"Few people do. Stress can really change the way we look at ourselves, especially when that stress changes to anxiety. Now," he slapped the top of his desk good-naturedly, "I need to know one very important thing. Are you prepared to make the change to get rid of stress in your life?"

Although there was a big grin on the alligator's lips, Mr. Caddis's words sounded quiet serious, and James took a moment to ponder them equally seriously. He thought of Aaron, feeling great, looking great, and apparently having great sex to boot. "Yes. I would like that."

"Good!" Another slap to the desk and Mr. Caddis sat back. "Then run along home. That's all I wanted from you today. Go read a book. Watch a movie. Relax. Enjoy life. Then come in on Wednesday and we'll continue."

James found himself shooed from the office rather quickly. He paced the hall for a bit, wondering what to do with himself, and then, slowly, a smile came to his lips as he thought about that book he'd always meant to read. He found himself whistling as he walked out of the building.

* * *

The time at home felt unreal. He didn't have to work. It wasn't the weekend, so none of his usual social or familial obligations were taking up his time. It wasn't even a vacation in the usual way, where he was pushing himself to go out and see things every day. It was free time. Truly free time.

He read a book, a whole book, in one sitting, just over an hour. He swung out to the theater to catch a matinee. On the way home he stopped at the grocery to do a proper home-cooked meal for no one's pleasure but his own. Just before bed, he jerked off to the most satisfying climax he'd had in years, and then, with the realization that he had no where he needed to be the next day, he yanked the plug for the alarm clock out of the wall, and fell asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow.

* * *

Two days later, James knocked on the VP's door again.

"Come in," Mr. Caddis's voice echoed from far inside. "And take off your shirt when you do."

The donkey blinked at the command and opened the door just enough to peer around it. Mr. Caddis was sitting in a lotus position in the center of his office, surrounded by incense sticks and with an ornate iron tea kettle steaming in front of him. And he was shirtless, belly scales open to the world.

Sheepishly, James stepped in, closed the door tight, and took off his own shirt, hanging it on a hook next to the door. Mr. Caddis, who had had his eyes closed, cracked one open to watch. He waved vaguely at the spot in front of him, across from the tea kettle. James saw, happily, that there was a pad for him and he wasn't expected to take up a spot on the hard floor. He just knelt instead of taking the more yoga-like pose of the alligator.

The alligator's eyes fell shut again with a small nod. "Self-actualization," he carefully intoned. "Inner peace. Positive thinking. All a bunch of fancy ways of talking about a very unfancy thing, if you ask me. Heh heh heh." His laughter, though quiet, made his entire upper body rock forward and back. "All I want to do is help you find a moment of peace. An oasis of calm in your own mind that you can return to when you need. When we can find that peace at any time, then stress loses its hold over us."

James didn't feel it would be right to say anything in response, so he just nodded--not that Mr. Caddis would notice with his eyes being closed. The alligator breathed deep and slow, and eventually James worked up the courage to cough. "Uh, sir?"

An eye opened and a slitted pupil trained on the donkey. "Yes?"

"Isn't this all--how do I put this?--a little unusual?"

The alligator gave another rumbling laugh. "I was wondering how long it would take you to speak up. Faster than most of your coworkers." He took a deep breath, in and out, and continued. "What you mean to say is, isn't it odd what we are doing, and why we are doing it?"

"Yeah."

"Surely you've seen the training videos, surely you've heard the rousing speeches, surely you've seen the mass emails: in the modern corporate culture, we must treat our employees holistically. Yes, you work for us, but shouldn't your health and welfare be first and foremost in our minds."

James scratched his head feeling thoroughly confused.

Mr. Caddis waggled a scaly eyebrow. "Haven't you wondered what it would look like if we actually did that instead of just talking a lot of mumbo-jumbo?"

James glanced around. "Like this?"

"Correct. I've been behind the push to convince intell-A-vision that a new method of employee relations are needed. I have convinced the board that we will win the absolute and unshakable loyalty of our workers," and here he paused for a moment with his snaggle-toothed grin growing wider, "if we can convince them we have their best interests at heart. Shall we continue?"

James straightened his back, his tail bushing over the mat underneath him. "Sure."

"Excellent. Now this," Mr. Caddis gestured around him, "represents my place of inner peace and just coming here, lighting the candles and making the tea, helps to calm me. I want you to find something similar. So think about the time in your life you felt most calm."

James did as he was bade, finding his eyes sliding shut as he pictured a time when he had gone out on a hike, reading a book under the shade of a large elm. At Mr. Caddis's bidding, he described it aloud as he remembered. It was late summer, and his final year of college hadn't quite started yet. There was a light breeze and sunlight flickered over him through the swaying branches.

"That's it. Clear your mind of all else. Focus on that moment. Recall every last detail you can."

He'd been laying on a blanket. It was checkered blue and white. He was staring up at the sky, watching the clouds move past. The grass around him rippled as the winds swept past, the action making it look like the blades were bowing to him.

"Breathe in and hold the image in your mind." Wait, he'd missed something in there, hadn't he?

"Focus." Right. Focus on the image. Push everything else out.

What else could he remember? He had the book open on his chest, neglected as he relaxed. He heard was the rustling of the leaves above him and the whisper of the grass around him. (For a moment, he thought he grass was whispering words, something about being watched, but that was ridiculous, wasn't it?) There was a distant sound of bicyclists on the trails if he really tried to hear them, and little insects buzzing away in a clump of wildflowers not far off. A deep breath filled his head with the smell of... incense? No. Wildflowers.

"Wake up." That voice again. But he liked it here. He didn't want to go.

"Wake up," said the voice insistently, and with difficulty, James opened his eyes.

The snaggle-toothed alligator smile greeted him.

James started and fell over backwards, to Mr. Caddis's uproarious laughter. "Whoo, boy, you were out of it. I take it you were enjoying yourself?"

"Yeah, that was... I don't want to say intense, because it was like the opposite of that."

Mr. Caddis nodded. "You have a very good imagination and an excellent ability to recall specific sensory details. You described that tree so well I could almost see it myself."

James looked down at himself and gave his exposed belly an experimental pinch just to make sure he wasn't still dreaming. "But... I don't really feel that different overall."

"What were you expecting? Enlightenment?" The alligator gave a gruff laugh and slapped his exposed belly. "This is just about destressing, and even that will take time. Now, what I want you to do before our next meeting is to practice what you just did. Find that space again. Try a visit to it for five minutes once every two to three hours."

"That's it? I thought we'd do more today."

Mr. Caddis chuckled again and pointed to a clock on the wall. Almost an hour had passed.

While James was still gawking a bit, he was hurried out of the room, with Mr. Caddis only letting him pause long enough to put his shirt back on. The donkey paused at a full-length mirror not far outside of the office door and adjusted his look. He was, despite himself, feeling a bit more confident.

As he turned to go, he bumped into a newbie programmer, one of the wolves from his floor, dressed in bright purple and yellow. "Oh sorry," she said. "James, right? Good to see you again. What are you up here for?"

James jerked a thumb in the direction of Mr. Caddis's office.

"Oooh." It sounded half like a sound of acknowledgment and half, if James was being completely honest with himself, like a moan.

"I'll, uh, see you back in the office in another week or so."

"Yeah, sure. I look forward to it." The wolf was biting her lip and staring off into space, so James slipped around her and went home.

* * *

Friday and its visit to Mr. Caddis came and went without major incident. He had spent almost the entire visit imagining himself back in that relaxing place and listening to Mr. Caddis. He had no idea what had happened during that time, but another hour had gone by and James found himself just feeling good. Relaxed. Happy. Good. Receptive.

It wasn't until that evening that he noticed anything different. He had been checking his work email as he ritually did in the evening (in case a small fire came up and needed to be put out). He noticed the company logo hovering at the top of the screen and the large eye at its apex. As James continued to stare at it, he noticed the eye had one of those visual tricks where it seemed to always be looking at you no matter where you were in relationship to it. It was always watching.

That thought sent a shiver up James's spine. He found himself sitting a little straighter, his posture more formal, as if he had a guest. A guest who made him slightly nervous, but a guest nonetheless. Even as he went on to do other things, he kept the email program up. He walked around his home with the constant feeling of being watched and he would steal glances at the eye in the logo every few minutes.

The following morning, Saturday morning, James plopped down on the couch still in a pair of lounge pants and started browsing the web idly as he woke. Of course that meant that several porn websites were loaded, checked for updates, and passed over as a bulge grew in James's lap. Finally he found something good and reached under the elastic to rub himself, but as he did, he glanced up. The intell-A-vision logo was there at the top of his computer screen. The eye was watching him.

James froze. It was just an illusion, but still, he couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. Although lust was still drawing up within him, he pulled his hand out and did his best to ignore it. (A cold shower helped.) Nonetheless, the laptop stayed open all day, the eye watching, the end of the porn video frozen and overlaid by countless stupid ads. Looking at it first made him hard then made him ashamed, like he had just popped a boner in public. He went to bed fighting intense arousal and trying not to grind against the sheets.

He awoke feeling hornier than he could remember being for a long time and with trepidation approached the laptop. It was not set to power itself down and so was still there showing the stupid porn ads with the watchful eye above. James swallowed and restarted the video. The sounds of the people on screen fucking was loud but he didn't care. HIs shaft throbbed needily against its cloth prison and he rubbed at it through the fabric. He was so horny: he had to jack off.

But he couldn't. Not while that feeling of being watched persisted.

Then something clicked in his mind. If someone was watching him, (and he knew a logo couldn't watch him, but it made sense in its own way to personify it) then they'd already seen him start to masturbate. And they were still watching. Which meant they didn't care. Or maybe that they wanted to see more.

It all clicked together. If he was going to be watched, then he was going to put on a damn fine show. It wouldn't be a peeping tom prying into his private life, but him showing off, wanting to be seen. The donkey hooked his fingers into the band of his pants and wriggled them off, shaking his hips in a simulacrum of a stripper. His impressive equine-endowed length sprung out, already at full mast. He was sure anyone who saw that would appreciate it, and moreso appreciate how he began to pump himself slowly as pre oozed from the tip and slid down the side.

He came explosively not two minutes later, and then again twice more that day, each time under the watchful gaze of the eye.

* * *

James stepped into Mr. Caddis's office, closed the door, and took off his shirt, as had become unthinking custom at this point. He took a seat across from the gator. "So," said Mr. Caddis, after he took a long, slow breath, "how was your weekend? Feeling better?"

"It was good," James said. It had been getting easier day by day to open up to the alligator. He no longer felt the need to hide as much. "But, if I'm being honest, a little odd."

"Odd, how?"

James gave a sheepish shrug, as if he knew what he was about to say sounded odd. "Like I was being watched all the time." He gestured up to the eye in the logo that hung behind Mr. Caddis.

"And that didn't disturb you?"

"No! Or rather, it did at first. But then I started to think, hey, I'm middle-aged and most people don't even want to acknowledge me. It felt kinda good to be watched, like someone was appreciating me."

Mr. Caddis brought his hands together a few times, and it took James several bewildering moments to realize that the alligator was clapping for him. "You see? You've had a breakthrough!"

James's long jaw hung open in surprise. "I have?"

"Of course. You experienced a source of stress and your mind dealt with it in a positive way. You didn't dwell on the negative possibilities but embraced the positive."

James thought about it. "I did. I have. Wow."

"Let's go back to that quiet place. I think we're going to make even more progress today."

Feeling a rush of elation, James closed his eyes and focused on the image of the sun-dappled grass and the tree creaking in the wind overhead. He felt like he was right back there again, even faster this time. His mind felt quiet and empty. He had all the details of the world to focus on. He conversed with Dr. Caddis without thinking at all about what he was saying.

"It is good that you were able to turn this feeling of being watched into a positive thing," the alligator was saying.

"Yes," James mumbled, his attention on a wildflower not far from his face, so intent upon it, he could have counted its petals if he wished.

"You like to be watched and admired."

"Watched and admired," the donkey agreed, as he focused on a butterfly that came to land on the wildflower.

"But there is another option: being watched over."

"Watched over?" James queried. His focus on the butterfly faded for just an instant.

"Oh, yes. You can be watched over. You are protected. You are cared for. And do you know why?"

James shook his head slowly.

"Because you, James, are worth it. Because you, James, are valued."

"I... am?"

"You are," the alligator's voice said insistently. "You are worthwhile. You are valued. You are wanted."

Another wave of elation spread through James's mind as the alligator continued to talk. It felt as though a weight that he had been unable to feel had finally been lifted from his shoulders. The alligator's voice kept droning on and on about how important, how special James was. How the company wanted him here. How important he was to the company. How the company needed him. James's big equine head bobbed with his constant nodding.

When he wandered out of the vice president's office this time, he was walking on air. He felt better than he had for months. No matter what he did or where he went, a smile hardly ever left his lips. When he got home, he had his laptop open and set off to the side of the room as he relaxed and enjoyed himself, every now and then glancing at the screen and at the logo watching over him. He'd inevitably shiver and adjust his hips, but at the same time he felt relieved. It was as if he were a child again, with that assurance that no matter what happened, someone would be there to step in and make it right.

* * *

"Ah, James, come in. It's time for our last session."

The donkey was already peeling off his shirt and hanging it up, hopping over to the chair across the desk from the big alligator. "I know, sir. I can't wait to get back to work again. I'm really looking forward to it, and I cannot believe I'm saying that. First time in years I've felt that way."

The alligator chuckled and waved to quiet down James's babbling. "That's good. Very good. You've made amazing progress. But now, let's begin."

The donkey began to close your eyes.

"Wait."

James blinked then opened his eyes wide. He had already felt the call of the peaceful hilltop and had to drag himself back to reality.

"Today we are doing something a little different. A test, as it were, of how far you've come."

"Oh, right." The donkey tried not to sound a little disappointed.

"Remember what we talked about last week? We want to earn our employees' loyalty by showing that we have your best interests at heart. Do you think that intell-A-vision does?"

"Absolutely. I've... I've never felt this good before."

"Excellent. And are you loyal to the company?"

"Yes."

Mr. Caddis's fingers folded over themselves. "And how can we be sure of that?"

James's bright smile faltered. How _did_he show that?

A rumbling belly laugh and snaggle-toothed grin greeted him. "A simple psychological test. Nothing more. Now, the company would like to see all you have to offer."

The words seemed to itch at the back of his mind. His ears stood up straighter. "Pardon?"

The alligator gestured down to James's pants and repeated, "The company would like to see all you have to offer."

The itch stayed at the back of his mind, as if lurking around the corner of his thoughts. James needed a few moments to understand, then, with eyes wide with understanding, he quickly stripped off the remainder of his clothes and took his seat naked.

"The company would like to see you full of vigor."

James didn't stop to think or process the words, but he spread his knees as his erection quickly grew. He found himself looking up from Mr. Caddis, and into the eye of the company, looking down at him. He hoped the company liked what it saw.

"The company would like to see you happy."

A tingle sprang forth between James's thighs, swiftly moving out to the tip of his shaft. The urge to thrust and grind filled him and he started to stroke himself eagerly. It felt good. Better than good. It felt like ecstasy.

"Employee 10147."

James's ears stood up straighter, his hand slowed only a bit in its masturbatory work. "Yes?" His mind was lost in a haze of half-remembered words and responses.

"Are you happy?"

"Oh, yes. I am happy now."

"Why?"

"The company gives me purpose."

"Good, and in return?"

"I do as the company wants."

"Very good. The company watches over you, isn't that right?"

James caressed his length and flexed his hips as he stared up into the watchful eye. "Yes. I will always have purpose. I will always be wanted." And then he added, because it felt like an important thing to notify someone of, under the circumstances, "I'm so close."

"Give in to the company. The company wants to see you give in."

The donkey groaned as the last of his mental resistance slipped away and his shaft spurted his load over the polished wood desk. He didn't care who saw, or rather he did care that the company saw and it liked what it saw.

"The company wants to see everything clean."

Mindlessly, James leaned forward and began to lick the desk clean of the mess he had just made.

* * *

James peeled off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes, blinking at the code. A persistent bug was causing issues, and he'd been on it for hours.

A tap on his cubicle wall. "Coffee?"

He looked up to see Maria, a vixen just a year or two younger than himself, offering him one cup in an outstretched hand while she held another for herself. "Just what I needed," he said and took the cup. "My hero."

She leaned over and squinted at the screen. "Still working on that thing? I could have sworn it was just a missing parenthesis somewhere."

"Me too, but no luck finding it so far."

She nodded and stood up, sipping her coffee.

Aware of the sudden pause and the awkwardness, James also sipped the coffee and made an oversized show of mmming appreciatively. "It's good to, uh... see you over on this side of the building."

"You too. I mean, good to see you that is. Oh, damn, phone's going off." She was already pulling it out of her pocket.

"No worries. Mine too," James said, glad of something to break the momentary tension. He glanced down at the display of his phone and saw a message from Mr. Caddis: "Thank you for completing your employee happiness survey. You and Maria both identified 'personal relationships' as your biggest desire. The company would like to see you two work together."

An itch formed at the back of his mind. His heart thudded and his hips gave an involuntary surge forward. He glanced up at Maria who was looking at him while biting her lip and squeezing her own thighs together.

"Closet?" she asked.

"Closet, definitely."

James sprung out of his seat, following the vixen in an instant. He paused only for a moment to adjust his appearance in the reflection from his screen. He smoothed out the creases in his company shirt, thinking that purple and gold did, after all, look very good on him.