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Okay, hello this is Chapter 9 bad version. I'm definitely going to have the ending epilogue a good ending. I'm so not good at writing bad endings. Well here it is anyway, hope you enjoy!

M/m stuff apply

PS: if everything's out of place and its crap, PM me something, I've lost my "sparkle" this week after this incident with this guy. Not very pleasant.

PPS: The start is the same, skip to the bit where he climbs through the window as that's where the change begins. Other than that just read!

PPPS: (okay these are annoying now): The good version is already posted

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When I awoke it was early morning - around 6am and I had no idea where I was. It was still dark and my body was hurting from sleeping on a hard surface outside. I yawned and brushed sleep out of my eyes as I sat up, wondering where I was. Blinking a few times I examined my surroundings. I was lying on soft, green grass surrounded by a few pretty flowers that I didn't know the names of. Where was I?

Then it hit me like train.

Oh Taro

I remembered. I was arguing with Taro last night about Sedgrik. I shivered as I thought about it. Must've fallen asleep after a while. I stood up, stretching quietly, getting the blood back into my cold, stiff joints before assessing the situation. Taro hated me. Just didn't want to be with me after he saw that.... that absolute dick head kiss me on the street during the party. Couldn't he see that it wasn't my fault? That it was a mistake?

That I still loved him?

How could he not see that?

I had been to his house a few times before and I knew where his room was; it was just above the kitchen on the second story. I looked up, trying to find a suitable route to his window that was off to the left of his humble abode. Ah yes, there was one.

I ambled to the side of the house where there was a medium sized apple tree that gave access to his window. Flexing my muscles I quickly scrambled up the trunk onto its lower branches that creaked and almost snapped at my weight. Before they did I climbed up a bit further so I was just above the second story. Hmm, perhaps I could jump to the window ledge? No. It was over 4 metres away I could not make that. If I id though I would probably slam against the house and fall. That would not be a pleasant experience for me or the house.

Thankfully the window of Taro's room was already open- that made things a whole lot easier. Diving into the room? Certainly not, that would be noisy, and knowing my luck I would probably miss and hit the wall.

The roof?

Once more I climbed, right to the top of the tree where I braced myself to jump onto the building that stood just over 3 metres away. Taking a deep breath I pushed off from the tree with my powerful legs before tucking them up to my chest so I could land lightly and smoothly on the slanted, tiled surface. Well I did land. But was it "light and smooth" Definitely not.

I crashed loudly onto the tiles causing a few to slip and cascade down the side, falling off the edge and finally smash on the ground with a slight plink. I winced, righting myself in a crouching position. Not the start that I wanted, I hope nobody heard that.

I silently moved to the edge just above Taros window, being careful of loose tiles that might fall if I put pressure on them. One did slide as I reached the end but I quickly snatched it before it fell off. I wedged it slowly back into place.

With as much ninja skill as I could muster I slowly climbed down the wall, keeping my hands on the top of the roof until I was hanging just with my hands, my feet dangling half way across his window.

Ok. What to do from here?

Gritting my teeth I let go with one hand to extend my vertical length so that my feet where touching the thick, white painted windowsill. Then, with a feeling of heavy paranoia I let go of the ledge that was holding me up, dropping about one inch onto the ledge that, like the tree, creaked under my weight. Hey, I wasn't that heavy.

I slipped into my lover's room.

The large black wolf lay sleeping on his double bed, hugging what seemed to be..... I almost a laughed. The big, sports jock was cuddling with a soft toy wombat. Very cute. His room was, as usual very messy, like the stupid equine Sedgrik's. Clothes and books littered floor, his draws and cupboard open. I made my over to him wondering what I should do. Why did I even go into his room? God, I forgot. Typical. Next to his head were a small book and a pencil about the size of my palm. His diary. I suddenly felt a craving to open it up and read what he was writing about. I bit my lip and guided my hand close to his head, my fingers almost brushing his short, pointed ears as I grasped the leather bound book. I pulled it up and with a growing excitement I opened it, drinking in its contents.

Most of it was about his everyday life and I just skimmed over that, looking for stuff about our relationships. It was the last three entries that interested me.

12.00am 26/06/10

Taro Hofmeister's Diary.

I don't know why I'm staying up at this time. I'm really tired but I just can't seem to get to sleep. Not after what happened today in Chemistry. What's going to happen? I still love Trima. She's a goddess, a brilliant being, and yet. Harlco Jackson- a small fragile human/ wolf. He's also great. As soon as I met him I knew that we were going to be great friends. Little did I know though that it was going to be like this? Hell it's only been a week.

One thing I'm not sure of though is my sexuality. Would I be bi sexual now? I dunno. I look at guys in my classes, but I'm not attracted to them at all. It's just him. HIM. Oh I don't know how it works. It's all retarded. Well. I've got chemistry work to do, so I suppose I'll get around to that. Yes. At midnight. I'm cool like that.

Well, a short entry but meh. I'm not in the mood for writing at the moment. I'm all confused about what's happening. Well Doc I guess I'll be seeing you then.

PS: Keen to see Him tomorrow. I will think about what I'm going to do tonight. Heh. I suppose it's just The Way It Is

11:48 PM 28/06/2010

Taro's Journal

Wow. Last night was absolutely amazing. A totally new experience for me. For both of us I reckon. I never felt that good with any girl. It was mainly them that got all the satisfaction. But this. It was absolute bliss. Perhaps I was meant to be with guys. Hmmm. "being made for guys" really intrigued me.

Trimasdkjha. TrimA!? What am I going to do with her? Do I still love her? Only yesterday I was saying to Harlco that I did love her. But now, after all we've been through, she just doesn't compare. Going to be hell breaking up with her. Well. Doc. It's time I go. I have bread rolls in the oven and I don't want them to burn. Hmm. Perhaps I should cook Him some food. Dunno.

Well I'm rambling. So well I guess I'll be going now.

Sea!

*Scattered doodles and drawings in margins and in pages.*

1:56 AM 29/6/10

Question is:

Would I do it again?

Hell Yes

12:19am 14/07/2010

*Tear streaked pages filled with angry scribbles*

NO! I thought we were real! I thought we were stabled! I thought we would be together for ever! But NO! The stupid mongrel back stabbed me as easily as you could say, "humans are absolutely stupid and fucking retarded." How could he? Kiss that damn equine straight in front of me? Was this just a set up? Was I just a stupid toy? Did I break up with Trima for this? Oh my god, this is just insane. How could anything get worse then this? He's a dick head and I hate him.

Harlco can go get fucked.

Forever.

Fucked. Forever. The two words pounded like a bass drum through my head as a large tight knot grew in my chest. He was more serious about this then I imagined. He really, really didn't want me anymore. Forever. Fucked. That thought brought hot tears to my eyes as I put the diary back into place. I sniffed quietly before wiping away the tears on my bare, rugged shirt sleeve. I had to get out of here and think in peace. I regretted looking at the diary. I made my way over to the window and began climbing out of it before stopping. Perhaps I could write him a note? There was a sheet of paper and a few pens scattered about. I climbed back into the room and sat myself at his desk, putting my mind into writing mode.

"What the fuck are you doing here!?" Taro screeched angrily as he sat up looking wide awake. 'And what are you doing with my SECRET diary Harlco Jackson? You better not have read it! It's secret! I suppose that doesn't matter to you right? You don't care about any ones feelings you mongrel. Get out of my room."

My anger flared and I stood up and looked straight into his eyes. "I've come here to apologize" when I spoke my voice could've frozen helium.

"Apology not accepted" he hissed and sat up in his bed, discarding his wombat to the depth of his bed.

"I spent the whole night outside!" I protested taking a step towards him, my arms out stretched.

"And?" he muttered, rising one eyebrow, "That changes what?"

My glare could've melted through his wall if he wasn't standing in my way, "Taro, I want you back!"

"Yeah right!" he rolled his eyes and folded his furry arms, "I'm just a screw toy to you! I thought we were serious! I thought we would LAST! Yet you threw me away like a broken iPod! I've got emotions too!" His voice rose as he said that and at the end he was almost yelling.

"Give me one more chance!" I pleaded almost begging him, "You'll see that it was a mistake!"

He looked away and gave a small cough, "I don't think my heart can take it" he murmured curling one of his hands into fists, "Leave my house now Harlco. I don't want to see you"

"But i-" I was cut of almost instantly

"GO!" he said firmly pointing at the open window that I took effort to climb through, 'before I call the cops"

I sighed and turned away before trudging slowly towards the window. "Taro, please" I whimpered sadly as I began climbing out of the window.

"No, we're over."

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It was eleven AM that morning and I was staring aimlessly into space while taking sips from a seeming less never ending cup of coffee that I had bought. Gloria Jean's Coffee shop was nicely cooled by a lot of air conditioning and I was grateful for that- the weather was almost blisteringly hot today and it seemed to suck the life out of everything that was out in the sun's rays. The only living things that seemed to enjoy the sun were well, the people who had pools and the plants. I didn't come under either category unfortunately

'So this is it, is it?' I thought to myself bitterly swirling the disposable cup around watching the left over coffee whirl around. I took another sip and then rested my head on my arms closing my eyes and twitching my wolfish ears to the warm that was shining down on me. There was a small gap under my elbow where I could see through and I spied a small black ant scuttling around on the hot pavement looking for food. Why couldn't life be so simple? Like an ants? Eat, sleep, eat more, and sleep more? Instead of: get caught having sex, get suspended, go to a party, get forced on, and getting caught by my boyfriend.

Life's cruel

All of a sudden my phone vibrated in my pocket so I got it up and put it up to my face reading the contact. Xerious. I hesitated before pressing the red button to end the call while biting my lip. Even though he was my best friend I did not feel like explaining everything to him at the moment. Didn't feel like doing anything apart from being my boyfriend's arms. Sorry, ex- boyfriend. That thought made me burst into tears. It didn't really have the same effect though as my head was on my arms so the tears just leaked onto them and onto the tinted glass table top. Oh god this was just too much. Sniffing I thought of what to of what to do next in my life. My extraordinary crap life. I had only been here for less than one month and already I was shunned from school, caused an accident and broken up with someone. Oh terrific isn't it?

I was about to order another coffee when something, or rather someone caught my eye. In the distance, around two hundred metres away was Taro with a towel slung over his shoulder. 'He must be heading to the gym' I thought slowly raising my head from the table top. Should I go and confront him once more? A deep feeling in my chest told me not to so I sighed, leaning back in my chair.

A sudden idea popped into my brain jolting me. Perhaps I could go to his place and chat with his parents, talk about their son and about accepting him for who he is, that would help him a lot. It might change his mood for the better and he might consider taking me back in. Hell, I have nothing to lose. I got out of my chair and made my way down the road until I spotted Taro's humble home a few hundred metres away. I jogged slowly to the location and nervously rapped my knuckle against the white painted door. I took a step backwards slowly fidgeting with my dirty shirt, waiting for the door to open. After a few seconds it swung open revealing a Huge, middle aged, white wolf wearing a tight came green shirt that easily showed his muscly abs beneath it. Taro's dad of course. I could easily tell where Taro got his looks from. He looked exactly the same as the wolf standing in front of me. "Can I help you? He said slowly in a rough but not unkind voice, "What are you here for?"

I cleared my voice by giving a small cough before continuing, "This is about your son Taro Hofmeister, I'm a close friend and perhaps you, your wife and I could discuss things about him."

He looked at my curiously then shrugged and ushered me inside, leading me to a small living room that only consisted of two comfy looking sofas and a liquid crystal definition television. Thinking of what to say I took a seat as Taro's father whose name was Derrick called throughout the house, "Jane, there's a kid here to talk about Taro!" I frowned, awkwardly twiddling my thumbs not sure what to do. What was I going to say?

A hearty looking female grey wolf entered through a small doorway in the corner and took a seat opposite me and next to her husband. Her eyes were nice and warm which calmed me a bit. These two people didn't seem like the kind of people who would discriminate homosexuals but well, you never know. "Okay well, hello, my name is Harlco Jackson and well, I'd like to talk about your son." I began slowly. I swallowed before continuing, this time a bit more confidently. "Well, until this morning I was your son's boyfriend-" I was interrupted by a gasp from Jane and a sharp glare from Derrick. "What do you mean until this morning?"

I sighed and closed my eyes, "he dumped me this morning, but that's not what I'm here about. I just want to talk about how nice he is and th-" I was cut of once more.

"You still think he's nice after he dumped you?" Derrick said a bit harshly, "quite good though I have to say. Might become normal once more." He emphasized the word normal. Anger blossomed with in my and I was about to blurt out something in return when Derrick muttered out coldly "So, let me make this clear. You two fucked each other at school in front of the matron and then you break up. Heh, didn't satisfy him? Small dick"

I quickly stopped myself from swearing at him and quickly calmed myself, saying as smoothly as I could "Look, I just want to say, can you accept him for who he is and not break his self-esteem? It's really killing hi-" For the third time in the few minutes I had been there I was cut off again. This time by Jane. Her 'nice and warm' warm eyes were replaced with icy daggers then stabbed into my own. "Are you telling us how to run our house hold Jackson?" she said scornfully and in defines I quickly raised my hands to my chest and replied

" no, no of course not! I was merely saying that there's nothing wrong with him and that you should ease up on all the pain you're giving him."

"He's a faggot and he needs punishment" Derrick proclaimed his hands balling into fists. "Just like you. And in public. After all that school has taught him and you, you pay them back by fucking each other in the middle of it. I thought we raised him right, obviously not. I think I should be having a word with your parents, I'm sure they'll agree with me."

"Unlike you" I hissed coldly, "My mum accepts me for whom I am and doesn't mind what I do, as long as I understand what I'm doing."

"Well then she's just as bad as you!" they both exclaimed in unison.

I stood up and pointed my index finger right at Derrick's face. "I don't CARE what you say about ME! But insulting my mum is going MUCH too FAR!" My voice was loud and it echoed around the house. The large white wolf also stood up, towering over me and he growled in a much more intimidating tone, "I'm allowed to do whatever I want in my own home fag. Now get out of my house this instant or otherwise I'm calling the cops." The cop trick again.

I glared at both of them before storming out the front door I came in through ten minutes ago. I dashed the street in the general direction of where my home was and only when I reached my room the tears began to flow.

It was late afternoon when the tears finally came to an end. I was lying against my pillow, eagle sprawn across my bed with a box of tissues that I had almost used up. One hundred tissues just like that. Damn. They were expensive here.

I dragged myself out of my room and down to my kitchen where I saw my mum clattering around with pots and pans, making something for dinner. She wasn't here earlier and didn't see me storm into the house so she didn't need to ask what was going on. Though, mind you, parents can pretty much always tell when something's wrong. As I sat myself in one of my leather couches she instantly made her way over to my and took her place next to me. "Is there anything on your mind Harlco? You're not your usual self. Hang on. Have you been crying? Has Taro done this to you?"

I looked away, unsure of what to say. "Well, we broke up this morning." My voice was mounted after crying so long and it almost hurt to talk.

"Aww. Sorry about that Hun. But wait, you guys fucked. Then broke up?"

Pain and agony entered my body and another fresh batch of tears came pouring out of my eyes. "You don't understand" I blubbered miserably, considering going back to my room. "This guy came onto me last night when I was getting picked up by Taro after this crap party. He kissed me straight in front of him. Now he thinks that I'm cheating on him! When I'm not! I love him to bits! Doesn't he realise that?"

"You realise that you've only known each other for less than a month. You can't really say you love him."

"Well I do okay?" I responded with force, "I just want to know if he does back."

My mum gently rubbed my shoulders, "Well you guys did break up. I'm sorry for you Harlco. Perhaps you should have an early night for once. When was the last time you went to be before 7?"

I gave a small, tear filled smile before answering, "When I was four? But anyway, I might go and rest my head. Thanks mum." I stood up and went to my room. Collapsing on my queen sized bed. From downstairs I heard my mum call out, "If you want food I've got stuff in the oven!

I stripped down to my boxers and slowly climbed into my bed,

I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the flat pillow.

I was rudely awoken by someone jumping on bed, knocking their furry elbow into my face, jarring my vision and causing pain to my head. I quickly sat up shouting "Ow" glancing at the time as I did. It was only eight thirty six that same evening. As my vision focused I recognised Xerious, looking as happy and bouncy as ever and to my absolute shock, Taro, leaning against my door frame. Had Xerious told Taro to apologize? Had he come here to forgive me? Had Taro finally recognise me for who I am? A warm feeling grew with in me and I gave a large smile. But... the large black wolf wasn't smiling at all.

"Hey Harlco!" Xerious grinned at me, taking a seat next to me and casually licked my cheek as a greeting. I gave a happy sigh - friends were everything these days. I nodded at him but I was mainly focused on the wolf. I stood up and walked over to him, the Black Panther trailing behind me. "Hello Taro" I whispered softly. For a moment recognition flittered through his eyes, but only for a second though. Then, the strong, muscly jock did something I never expected. With strong arms he grabbed Xerious by his arms and forcefully brought him face to face and gave him a full mouth kiss. I keeled back, my mouth agape and almost screaming. The torture lasted for around ten seconds before stopping. Taro pulled his mouth away and pushed Xerious to the floor before yelling at me angrily, "see? That's how it feels! I hate how it feels! I hate you Harlco! How come you always want to try making things better! You just made the problem with my family worse! And I don't think I can forgive you for that!" My body was in shock and I felt cold and numb. Never had I felt so bad before. Taro was right; this feeling was absolutely gutted wrenching. Unbearable. Xerious leapt up off the floor and started explaining something franticly but I pushed him back and shouted out. "Get the hell away from me. I thought you were my friend! Why did you do this to me?" Xerious looked flabbergasted but I had already turned my attention back to Taro. Oh god, the pain is intense I thought. It was like someone had lit a fire, deep within my chest and was trying to burn me from the inside. "Why?" I murmured, my mind reeling with questions.

He took a large step towards me so we were almost touching, his body totally larger then mind in every single way. He towered over me but a foot or so also. His green eyes locked my brown ones and he hissed "revenge" and with all the strength he could muster he pulled his arm back and punched me straight in the jaw, knocking me back onto my bed. Blood exploded from my mouth and nose and pain flared across my face. For the second time since I woke up my vision blurred. I coughed violently, blood threatening to slide down my throat. Xerious instantly came to my side to try and help me but I pushed him away, sitting up and glaring venomously at the smug looking Taro. "Get out" I managed hoarsely, "Both of you. Leave NOW" Taro bolted immediately but Xerious looked at me pleadingly but I shook him off, grabbing some tissues from a box from the floor and stuffing them up my nose to stop the blood flow. I used a few more to clean up the messed that the punch had caused, wincing as I did so. That "violent outburst" really, REALLY hurt. And this is a black belt talking here. How could Xerious done something like that? He was the best friend I ever had! He was pretty much my brother but then he just threw it all away in a few seconds. A whole life time gone like that.

I wish I was someone that was able to suck up everything anyone threw at them. I touched my noise and found that it was still bleeding furiously. Perhaps it was broken. Not just physically but mentally also. I'm sick of this weakness bullshit. Couldn't I just have a shield blocked out all horrors? A filter that filtered pain from life?

I gave a small sigh and a sob. "Bullet proof. I wish I was"

11:41am 26/07/2010

Taro Hofmeister's Diary

*pages totally mauled and destroyed. Barely any of the diary remained, all the contents are missing.*

*nothing is able to be read from the book*

*Random ripped sheets litter the floor*

Taro Hofmeister let the confidential diary fall to the floor, wincing as it hit the wooden floor with a loud clatter. His hands were sore from ripping up the book and his knuckles on his left hand totally felt cold and numb because of the punch he gave Taro. Sighing softly he bent down and picked up a torn sheet from the ground, reading it.

14/3/2005

Hey Doc. One month has already passed since I joined Furmastan high. It seems like only a few days at the most. Homeworks a pain but I can handle it. Most of the works doable apart from Science. Don't get that one bit.

I've made quite a few friends but they all have girl's friends and stuff, it's really awkward as I'm the only guy single in my group of friends. Oh yeah. Something happened. There was this guy who I kind of got to know throughout the month that was beaten up by all my friends today at lunch time. At first I didn't know why, I thought it was mean but then Sam told me that he was openly gay. I didn't know what to do. I'm not homophobic and never have been but I didn't want to seem like a pussy and stand out. Sam pushed me up and told me to punch him so nervously I did. Not in one did I want-

The page was ripped off from there. Taro let go of that too and let it flutter softly to the floor. He moaned softly, lying back onto his bed, grasping his soft toy wombat that his Derrick had got him when he was seven years old from Australia. Tears flooded his green eyes and he cried softly, staring out through his window, watching two birds twirl, twist and spiral next to each other in the air. As daft as it seemed he was jealous of them being together. How come he had to suffer while the world went on in peace?

The black wolf sighed and closed his eyes, burying his head into the pillow, tears still leaking from his eyes.

"Oh Harlco." he croaked. "I still love you"

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Okay, well that was the "bad" version of chapter nine. I don't suppose it ended that bad though. Dunno. Well I'm not functioning properly. I think I'm going to carry on the from this one, not the good one. As too be honest, this one seems easier to write from. Still don't think this one isn't that great though. Took a LOT of effort to write this. Thanks for everything people (:

Add me on MSN or something. check my profile, I'm trying to get over 3k profile views by the end of this week. GMT+12 though, so time might not be convenient. Well thanks again, hope you enjoyed

Limb by limb and tooth by tooth

Tearing up inside of me

Every day every hour

I wish that I was bullet proof

-Bullet Proof.... I Wish I Was

-Radio Head

Thanks everyone!