FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Dark. Empty. Ambient. That's all that seemed to be gauged from the abyss outside their ship. A portly black and pink tapir sat atop a throne of futuristic quality, staring out through a wide viewing portal with a half-focused smirk. In one hand they cradled a wine glass of some brightly colored liquid, while their other hand, lazily dangling below, held a thin blunt rolled up with professional quality. They swished around their drink, the glass tapping lightly against the many gold trinkets of rings and laces adorning their arms, not to mention how it complimented the other countless articles adoring the tapir's body.

The tapir slowly rose up the blunt to their contrastingly blue lips and drew in a long breath before dropping their hand to their side once more. Through a wide, devilish, toothy smile, they exhaled and let all the smoke held up within them exit into oblivion. "Damn, it feels good to be a pirate." They spoke with a carefree tone, vocalizing their appreciation without a single hesitation. "Steal from those who get in your way, then bask in the rewards you've reaped. Who would ever pass up this opportunity?" The tapir paused, raising their glass to their lips and delicately sipping. "Those royal types may be real pains in the ass, but I've got to say, they know good wine."

Suddenly, the tapir tipped the glass back all the way and proceeded to gulp down the remaining liquid, some of it trailing off the sides of their mouth. They then wiped away the residue with the back of their wrist, before tossing the glass behind them, it audibly shattering against the wall. "Hey!" The tapir called out. "Br-UURRR-ing me another one!" A monsterous belch escaped their maw as they commanded into the darkness of the room.

From the dark behind the tapir, a blue and white tiger of royal quality emerged, holding a large bottle in their chained hands. "Out of all people, why did you have to capture me? This is embarrassing." The tiger responded with annoyance.

"'Cause you seemed like a cute one to play around with." The tapir replied teasingly before snatching the bottle out of the tigers hand, popping off the cork, and guzzling down the contents like the universe's thirstiest being alive.

The tiger grimaced with disgust. "Ugh, you make me gag."

The tapir paused and drew the bottle from their mouth. "That's my name, don't wear it out. Speakin' of names, what did you say yours was again? Matt? Jeffery?"

"It's Heinrick!" The tiger shouted back.

"Yea yea, whatever Kyle." Gag waved him off with their blunt hand. "Look, I'm only keepin' ya here for now till your little party of royal snobs and all that make due with my demands."

"And your idea of that was capturing and making me your hostage?" Heinrick was not enjoying his current position.

"Heheh, well, 'hostage' is a strong word." Gag joked. "I like to think of it as a forced vacation."

"That you're threatening me for?" Heinrick assumed.

Gag laughed to themselves, before reaching over with their blunt hand to the side of their throne and retrieving an energy pistol. "We all have our ways of persuading others, now don't we?" They spun the pistol by its trigger guard as they further teased Heinrick.

"You won't get away with this, you know!" Heinrick shouted in retaliation. "My guards will find you and arrest you!"

"If that's the case, why ain't they here yet?" Gag dipped their pistol arm to the side, while their bottle arm propped up their head. "Or are you just stalling for time in hopes that they'll come save you?"

Heinrick tensed up at that statement. "D-don't question what I'm capable of! You'll regret it! I will see to it that yo-ACK!" Suddenly, Heinrick was splashed in his face by the wine Gag held, causing him to stumble backwards. He then just as quickly felt a force against his chest, causing it to hold him, to his back, against the ground. He noticed just as quickly that it was Gag, standing over him with their foot on his chest, simultaneously as he watched Gag raise the muzzle of the pistol to his face. Heinrick went silent, but his face showed a mix of fear and confusion.

"I've had just about fucking enough of your chatty mouth." Gag was more serious now, aiming down at the terrified Heinrick. "If you don't shut your god damn trap, I'll make sure you won't just be paying bills to me, but to the hospital too."

"Th-this is outrageous!" Heinrick squealed. "You CANNOT be doing this to me, I am a-"

PSHYOO!

A shot from the pistol was fired, landing in the floor mere inches from Heinrick. Gag pressed their foot down harder. "Did I fucking stutter you jackass?! I said shut up before I-"

"CAPTAIN! WE HAVE COMPANY!" A voice sounded through the room, distorted with radio static.

Gag let up slightly on Heinrick, though kept him pinned to the ground. They looked back up, staring at the viewing portal with a wide, toothy smirk etched into their face. "Gooood. Finally, something interesting." Gag then moved completely off of Heinrick, leaving the terrified tiger scrambling around. The tapir ambled back over to their throne, plopping themselves onto the seat and resting one arm on the armrest, simultaneously activating a radiocom device built into the chair itself. "This is your captain speaking," Gag spoke in a teasing manner, "what can I do for you?"

"Captain, we have signals of an unidentified unit in our range!" The voice on the other end frantically informed.

"'A' unit?" Gag emphasized the amount. "So I'm guessing they just sent one fellow to deliver my demands and take this nutcase back?"

"B-but captain, there's something off about it!" The voice continued, causing Gag's face to shift in confusion. "We were only just able to realize it!"

"What threat is one person gonna make?" Gag retorted. "If you're so scared of it, just shoot their ship down."

"Captain, that's just it." The voice clarified. "There signal isn't coming from a different ship!"

"What?" Gag wasn't sure how to respond. "What the hell do you mean?"

The voice paused before explaining. "Captain, they're already inside OUR ship!"

Gag was shocked, not sure what to do in that moment. But within nanoseconds, they immediately grabbed at the armrest with a tight grip and yelled, "Lock down the ship! I don't want a single person getting out of here!"

"Y-yes sir, r-right awa-" The voice wasn't able to finish before Gag slammed their fist into the radiocom, cutting the call short. They shot up onto their feet, one hand gripping the energy pistol while the other whipped around and reached for the ground, quickly catching the neck of the feline scurrying below them.

Gag hoisted Heinrick up to their face, looking him straight in the eyes. They said nothing as they placed their blunt into their mouth, taking in a long drag and leaving it hanging from their mouth as they blew smoke back into Heinrick's face, causing him to cough in response. "I'll give you this, maybe your royal friends DO care about rescuing you. But you ain't going anywhere till MY demands are met."

Just as they said that, the room lit up in red with a slow flash, before fading back into black. A siren, though faded and distant, then blared out through the ship, followed by a pattern of slow flashing red. Heinrick began to panic as he looked back and forth frantically.

"So, what kinda plan is this?" Gag prodded for an explanation. "A cloaked ship? Remote controlled torpedo? Assassin squad?"

"I-I don't know!" Heinrick shouted with turmoil in his voice. "This isn't anything like I was expecting!"

Gag rose an eyebrow. "Huh? The hell you mean you weren't expecting this?"

"My guards don't have secret plans like this, I never gave them any!" Heinrick explained. "If I was ever kidnapped, I told them to just give up the ransom!"

"You mean this ISN'T you or your royal asspains?" Gag responded in bewilderment. "Then who the hell got onto my ship an-"

CLAAANG!!!

Gag spun around and shot up their pistol arm at the wall behind their throne, clutching Heinrick against their chest with their arm around his neck. The room continued to flash red, only showing an assortment of furniture and discarded belongings, along with stray shards of broken glass spread out across the floor from where Gag had tossed behind their wine glass. Gag hesitated, eyes darting around the part of the room they faced in order to discern what had happened.

"Hey, asshat!" Gag shouted at whatever was in there with both them and Heinrick. "I know you're in here! How the fuck did you get on my ship?!"

".....I don't mean to intrude on your little pleasure cruise, but you've got something of mine I'm gonna need." A male voice, young and cynical, called back to Gag. "I suggest you hand him over to me."

"Wh... the hell you sayin'?" Gag was confused at the sudden demand, before they shook their head. "Alright shithead, you've got three seconds to reveal yourself before I blast a hole through your face. If you want this here royal pansy, you better make sure you came with the demands I ordered."

"So, you DID steal him." The figure confirmed to himself. "Guess then the backup isn't here to rescue him yet. That makes my job a lot easier."

"Oh hell NO it doesn't!" Gag refused. "You better show yourself or-"

"Or what?" The voice of the figure seemed to suddenly come from behind Gag, making them turn around only to see nobody there. "You're going to shoot someone you can't even see?"

"How the hell are you doing that?!" Gag demanded an answer, turning on their heels as a sound of feet rushed behind them. They fired a bullet into the dark, only to hit nothing. Another sound came from above, causing them to fire into the ceiling at, yet again, hit nothing.

"A bounty hunter never reveals their trade secret." The voice kept shifting around the room with every sentence. "A dirty pirate like you would never understand the first thing about talent like this."

"B-bounty hunter?!" Heinrick screamed in fear.

"Shut up!" Gag smacked Heinrick's head to silence him. "Listen bounty hunter, whoever the fuck, you ain't gettin' this guy, and you AIN'T gettin' out of here alive!"

The figure chuckled for a second in response. "I'm afraid I'm not the one dying today."

Suddenly, a short, canine figure shot out from behind Gag and rose a pistol at them. Gag wasn't prepared in time as a blast was fired into their bicep. The reaction caused them to stagger back in pain as they released Heinrick unwillingly. Gag watched in mere seconds as the figure then slid around back behind, grabbing up Heinrick and dragging him along, before flinging him across the floor to make him slide into the wall, distanced away from Gag.

Gag had the opportunity now to see the figure in full. It was a pembroke corgi, red and white coat along its short body with a pair of blue eyes staring right at them. The corgi was covered only by a grey hoodie and similarly colored cargo shorts. In one hand was a small energy pistol, different from the one they had, while in the other was an odd remote device Gag had never seen before.

Gag quickly rose their good arm and fired two shots at the corgi, but rather than watching them go into him, they instead witnessed a strange flashing of bright, multicolored light before being face-to-face with the corgi. They had little time to react, preparing to strike the corgi in their jaw, only to miss as the corgi instead rushed right past them. They tried to turn to meet the corgi, but just as quickly watched the light show once more, seeing him slide between their feet.

Gag couldn't keep up properly as they watched the corgi zip and zoom around them, dodging every retaliation blast they made. It was such a disorienting combat experience, one that surprisingly yielded no actual damage towards Gag themselves other than their arm, which leaked bright teal fluid from the bullet wound.

With luck, however, the tapir fired a shot that seemed to strike the corgi as he came through a flashing dash. The corgi kneeled away from Gag, holding their hand to their chest. Gag laughed heartily to themself. "Well, looks like I might just know something after all about bounty hunter trades. At the very least, I know these stupid flashy moves leave you wiiide open to di-... huh?" The tapir found their body stuck in place, unable to move an inch. "Wh... what did you... do...?

The corgi stood up. "I already told you, I'm not the one dying today." They revealed their hand, suddenly causing the room to shimmer as Gag lay witness to hundreds of threads of wire that traced around the room, and now over their body, holding them in place. "...How does that old line go? Oh yea.... 'You're already dead.'"

"Wh... wha-" Before Gag could even finish, the corgi jutted his hand back into his body, creating a shower of green and teal as Gag practically exploded. Every wire sliced simultaneously, cutting through Gag like it was nothing. Gag's body may have been made of a candied material, but these wires pulled through like it was the world's thinnest gelatin.

As the rain came to an end, and the room was still, save for the lights and sirens, the corgi turned back and looked upon the remains of the tapir. He walked past them, examining his work as he made way back to Heinrick, who was awestruck by the display.

"You... you killed them." Heinrick spoke in disbelief.

"Yea, and they won't be the only one today." The corgi confirmed, startling Heinrick.

"W-wait! We can talk this through." Heinrick pleaded.

"Sorry, I don't make the rules," the corgi clarified, "I just follow the ones that get me paid. Now let's get this over with alre-"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

The voice of Gag startled the corgi, causing him to slowly turn back to the middle of the room where he saw the disembodied head of Gag, their pupils having turned into "x" shapes, shouting at him. "You're... still alive?"

"YEA I'M ALIVE YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" Gag yelled in immense anger. "THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?! TRYING TO KILL ME?! REALLY?! WHAT THE SHIT?!"

The corgi was baffled, but shook his head in response. He then reached into his hoodie pocket, rummaging around. "Hey, how much did you say he was worth?"

Gag was a little caught off guard. "Uh, what now?"

"I said how much was he worth?" The corgi repeated. "Your ransom?"

"Uh... like 100,000 credits?" Gag answered. "Why?"

"Just making sure it was less than my pay on his head." The corgi retrieved a small bag from their hoodie, taking it out and tossing it at the tapir, or what remained. "Now stay out of my way."

Gag watched the bag fly and land before them, a handful of credits flying from the bag upon impact with the ground. As quickly as the bag was tossed, a flash of light surrounded Heinrick and the corgi, and when it was gone, so were they.

"Captain!" The voice of the radiocom came on once again. "The signal has disappeared! We believe it may have been an error in the system."

Gag sighed in disappointment, metaphorically shaking their head. "Uh, yea, about that... can someone help me reattach my body?... again?"