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Chapter II-Boy Troubles

_Someone falls to pieces

Someone kills the pain

Spinning in the silence

She finally drifts away

Someone gets excited

In a chapel yard

And catches a bouquet

Another lays a dozen

White roses on a grave

Yeah..._

_And to be yourself is all that you can do

Hey...

To be yourself is all that you can do_

-Audioslave, "Be Yourself"

Two weeks had gone by, and Luca's sophomore year was passing her by without her. It was Sunday afternoon, and she was relieved to find herself trying out new outfits for her new school the next day. It was so exciting, actually being able to choose what she wanted to wear to school, rather than having her outfit dictated to her by some arbitrary uniform code.

A light knock on the door resounded inside her new bedroom. In stepped her mother to find Luca in a pleated pink skirt and no top, trying to fight with her bra for the umpteenth time. Luca watched her mother through her mirror. Susanne was her name. She could essentially be described by one word: matronly. She had borne five children in her life, which was a small number for one like her. One was out of the house, making Luca the oldest under that roof. Once the only boy of all the children, Luca now rounded it out at a full set of girls. Closing the door behind her, Luca's white-furred mother moved over to the bed and sat down. "I've got something for you," she said softly.

Luca turned, looking at her mother. "What is it, mom?"

Susanne pulled out a bra. Except this one was purchased especially for the purposes of cross-dressing. It was fully padded up to a large B cup size. Luca looked it over, dropping her own bra, socks littering the floor as they fell free of the cups. "Thanks mom," she said in a slightly aw-struck tone. She carefully slid the heavy bra on, clipping into place and turning it around so she can put the shoulder straps on. She grabbed a top she'd been trying on earlier and put it on, turning to look at herself. The effect was breath-taking. Luca giggled with excitement, rubbing her hands over the pair of well-shaped mounds poking out from her chest. "It's perfect," she whispered.

Susanne strode up behind Luca, putting her hands on the girl's shoulders. "You're a beautiful young lady, Luca."

Looking at her mother through the mirror, Luca lifted her hand and squeezed her mother's on her left shoulder. "Thanks mom. I'm lucky to have you."

Susanne simply gripped Luca's shoulder tighter for a moment and turned towards the door. "Mom?" Luca called. The rounded lapine woman turned around, her tired but kind eyes falling on her daughter. "Can I talk to you about something?"

Susanne smiled warmly, walking back towards Luca and sitting down on the end of the bed. Luca followed suit, looking at her mother's curly red hair that was tied back into a tight bun. She also looked at the apron her mother was wearing, along with patches of flour all over her. When mother was stressed, she cooked.

"What is it, hun?" Susanne asked after a long silence.

Luca looked up at her mother, biting her lip. "Does daddy hate me?" Tears welled up slightly in her eyes. It was hard to openly ask this, but that first day of school was the last day her father so much as looked or even talked to Luca. Since then, it had been a hellstorm of activity. Something had happened at the firm that same day, something terrible. None of Luca's sisters knew what was going on, since their parents only spoke in whispers and vague references around them. All Luca could guess was some serious legal issue, something so bad it forced her father and Ronnie's father apart as associates and as friends. The news that they were moving had come almost immediately after Luca's return home from her traumatizing day at school. Since then, she'd barely had a chance to so much as think about what was going on.

Now here they sat, in a home in Queens, her father about to head in to his first day as a new partner at a Manhattan firm, and Luca about to face her first day in a public school. Particularly, it was a public school where nobody knew who she was before this. Susanne reached an arm around Luca, pulling her daughter close. "Oh hun, he doesn't hate you, baby. He just... I think he just needs time to adjust. Especially with the trouble at the firm and-"

"Speaking of which," Luca said, cutting her mother off. "What is going on with that?" She asked, her face hardening. "Don't lie to me, mom, I know you guys have been dodging this as long as possible, but I need to know. I'm old enough to handle it."

Susanne sighed, putting both her hands in her lap. Casting a gaze over at the door to the room, she stood and locked it. Besides her own bedroom, Luca's was the only one she and Randal allowed a lock. Moving back to the bed, she sat down, looking right at Luca. "Norm was caught in the middle of a scandal involving one of their clients. Do you remember Mr. Ratsworth, from Arthurson and Associates?"

Luca nodded her head slowly. "The big fat Doberman. He smelled gross."

Susanne stifled a giggle, nodding her head. "Yes, him. His firm had been cooking the books for a big multinational for some time now, and when the government commissioned Reingold, Young, and Associates to do the work, your father had Norm head up the investigation. Long story short, Mr. Ratsworth gave Norm a huge sum of money to keep his nose out of things, and Norm accepted. Now he's under serious fire from the federal government, and your father split up the firm and shunned Norm for his actions."

"And that's why we're here with Mr. Lowry's firm now?"

Susanne nodded again. "Yes, baby. Tomorrow they'll be Lowry, Bloom, and Reingold."

Luca sighed heavily. Things made a lot more sense now. All but one thing. "But I thought daddy loved Connecticut. Why not just commute to Manhattan on the train like everyone else?"

Susanne patted Luca's thigh. "Last train leaves NYC to east Connecticut at nine, Luca. With how busy your father is going to be over the next few months, it would be difficult to be constrained to anything but the most flexible of schedules."

"I see," Luca said, nodding in agreement. "Are you sure he doesn't hate me?"

Susanne took Luca's head into her arms, cradling it gently. "Oh hun, just give it some time, he's going through a lot right now. He'll come around, I'm sure."

Luca nodded slightly, her face squished against her mother's bosom. Pulling back, thankful for air, she said. "Okay mom, I hope you're right."

Susanne stood. "Now, don't be up too late modeling to the mirror. You have a long day ahead of you tomorrow." Kissing Luca's forehead, she stood up and left the room, clicking the door shut behind her. Luca stared after her, then down at the top she'd put on to test out the bra. It was a pink button-down with long sleeves. It showed just a couple inches of her belly, which she didn't think would break dress code, but to be sure she grabbed a stylish black jacket to go on over the top, buttoning only the bottom two buttons. Looking at herself in the mirror, she smiled wide. It was almost perfect. The black jacket went perfectly with her pleated black skirt, and the bright pink of her top stood out brightly, accentuating her "bust." With the right pair of heels, she'd be ready and willing to face a new day tomorrow.

The sun rose to find Luca already up and prepping herself for the day. Her brilliant auburn locks had been styled and pressed to hang down around her face, stopping just midway down her shoulder-blades. She allowed her ears to fall freely down in front of her chest. Her face was made up better than ever before, and she had enlisted the help of Shayla, the next oldest sister in the household, to help her out in that department. They always loved playing with makeup together, and Luca's mostly white-furred sister had always kept Luca's secret for so many years. Her nails had been done in hot pink the night before, and she pulled out a modest little silver necklace with the Star of David dangling from it to place around her neck. Somehow, even if Beth'el no longer accepted who she was, Luca felt she should represent her faith in some way. Slipping on a pair of black stockings that made their way almost to her knee and a pair of pink pumps, the image was complete. Luca looked at herself in the mirror and, for the first time in her life, felt like there was nothing wrong with what she saw.

"I'm ready," she whispered to herself.

Walking to class was an unusual experience in itself. Luca was accustomed to long, curving roads and long distances between destinations. But her school was only a quarter mile from her house, too close for the public school system to deem a stop near her home a necessity. As she strode along, virtually nobody seemed to take notice of her. Most of what she saw as she made her way down the street were older furres rushing to their cars to get themselves to work. They were too absorbed in their hustled life to even turn to look at her. It wasn't until she was nearly at the school that she saw signs of life that were more along her age group. A boy came bursting out his house, throwing his pack over one shoulder. As his mother shouted after him, he turned towards the house, shouting something about missing morning practice.

And then the boy turned. He wasn't anything Luca was used to seeing. He was a feline of some indiscernible breed. His fur was completely white, and yet he had raven black hair that hung down just past his shoulders. His frame was very lithe and thin, but his motions were graceful. As he turned his head, his gaze caught hers. Stumbling, the boy lost his footing on a sprinkler, and began going down. Hitting his side against the sidewalk and rolling into a tree, he gave a shout of pain and surprise.

Rushing up beside him, Luca kneeled down. "Oh my gosh are you ok?" She asked, eyes wide with a tinge of fright and concern.

"Y-yeah..." the boy replied, shifting to sit up against the tree for a moment. Luca stood, holding out a hand. He accepted it, pulling himself up to his feet. "Thank you. Name's Zee," he said, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. His voice was high, but not so much so that it was outside the realm of other boys his age.

"Luca," she replied, giggling softly. "You should watch where you're going."

"Well it's kind of hard when I see a pretty new girl walking down the street," he said. Almost immediately he kind of coughed and turned away, looking towards the school in a self-conscious manner. "I ah... I gotta go," he said, turning back to Luca. "See you around?"

Luca nodded, her face beaming with her bright smile. "I look forward to it."

With that, Zee bolted down the sidewalk. Just ahead the school loomed, and a crowd of students had just started to trickle in. By the time Luca reached the front entrance, that small trickle of students had become a flood.

It was completely different from what she had gone through at Beth'el. Heads did turn, and whispered words could be heard nearby, but it was in a way of envy, of desire. The boys smirked at her, some being so bold to wink at her. Some girls looked at her in envy, some with what was some sort of sneer or another, and even a couple made eyes at her in the same manner the boys were. And there were so many different species! It wasn't choked with lapines and rodents. Panthers, Clydesdales, bats, even a few of the more exotic scalies hung around in front of the school, all mixed together, all in some sort of harmony that wasn't based on one species over another. Pushing her way through the crowd, Luca even found herself looking at crossbreeds that she couldn't fathom the identity of.

Finally, Luca got to the front doors of the school. There was already a counselor waiting for her there. He was a huge brown bear, having to hunch as he held his hand up towards the hallways. "Good morning, Luca. This way to my office," he said, his voice deeper than deep. Luca followed without a word.

"My name is Mr. Carmichael," the bear said as they walked towards the main office. As she studied him, she saw slight streaks of gray in his luscious brown fur. He wore a simple business suit of black jacket and slacks, and had a white button-down shirt underneath that couldn't quite button past the top few buttons due to his barrel-size frame. A small pair of thin-framed glasses hung on the end of his nose. It was almsot comical to see such small spectacles on the huge bear's face. "I'll be your counselor here at Francis Harris High School."

Once inside the office and locked away from prying ears, Mr. Carmichael went right into it. "Now, of course your mother has already been here, and has already explained everything. Every roll sheet your teachers will receive will have your adopted name on them. We've had enough experience to know not to push you to reveal to anyone anything you don't feel comfortable telling them yourself."

Luca nodded, a wide smile on her face. "Thank you, Mr. Carmichael."

Holding up a finger, the bear continued on. "That doesn't mean that there isn't going to be any trouble, my dear. You're allowed to be exempt from gym class to avoid altercations, and you may use the girls' bathrooms--but only when you cannot make it down here to the nurse's office restrooms. We make special allowances for students like you." As he said that part, he slid a key to the bathroom of which he spoke to her. "Guard that with your life. We'll do whatever necessary to treat you as you are, Luca. But that doesn't mean there's no chance your secret will never be discovered."

"Well as long as I'm not treated as badly as the last school I was in..." Luca said, voice drifting off with memories of what very nearly happened to her.

"Generally, Luca, this population of students tends to be more accepting from what I've seen. Even if they find out, I think any trouble that comes of it will be minimal. Hell, the king and queen of prom were both boys," he said, chuckling. "Anyways, I'm going on without a point to it. I guess I'm just saying we're always here to help you explore who you are, Luca."

Luca nodded as the large ursine male began rifling through some paperwork. "Now let's see here..." he said in a low tone, his voice barely audible. "Ah! Here we are." Pulling an envelope from the pile of papers, he handed it to Luca. "Your classes and a map of the school. Now don't forget that this school works on a four-by-four schedule, meaning you only have four periods, then you have a different four periods next semester, sort of the way college works. This also means you're about two weeks behind for every one week you've missed. I'd recommend you buckle down and study before trying to establish your social status."

Taking the schedule and opening it up, Luca found herself just barely able to hold back a grin. Algebra, 19th Century American Literature, US History, and Chemistry. It was almost a joke for her. These were classes the eighth graders were taking back at Beth'el. Then again, her old school was a breeding ground for the "elite of the Jewish community," as her father always liked to say. "I'll make sure to do my best, Mr. Carmichael."

The four periods of class seemed to fly by, even if they were ninety minutes long each. Each class went by without a hitch, and Luca couldn't help but notice the constant eyes on her from so many boys. She was the new girl, and already they were measuring her up, trying to determine what kind of girl she was. Every so often in class, guys would try to pass on answers to her or even flirt with her while the teacher's back was turned. It was particularly exciting for her to see the predators. They tended to have this glint in their eyes that seemed so exotic to Luca.

It wasn't until her final period that Luca saw him, though. Sitting towards the back of the class, Luca was gazing at each student that filed in. Some of them were familiar from previous classes, some were not. When Zee walked through the door, her heart skipped a beat. But upon noticing her, Zee quickly turned his head to notice his friend sitting near the front row, starting up an enthusiastic conversation. Being a Chem class, Luca was sitting at a table that was supposed to accommodate herself and another student. A bunny girl walked into the classroom and sat herself down right beside her. Luca smiled at her. The girl had pure white fur, and reminded Luca so much of Robin. Just add a few piercings and some darker clothing... she began to think to herself, but then shook her head, clearing it.

"Hello, I'm Luca," she said with a light smile as the girl set down her bag on the floor by the table. She turned her gaze to Luca. She had blue eyes that matched Luca's, and she wore a baby blue low-cut tank-top/dark blue sweater combination that showed off something Luca envied so much about other girls.

Giggling brightly, the other said, "I'm Rebeccah. I was wondering when my new lab partner was going to get here."

Luca smiled back at her. Already she felt at ease with the girl. She seemed far more down to earth than most of the girls she'd met that day. Some slight trace of her Texas upbringing carried in her voice, which sort of threw Luca off. She was so used to her lapine friends having that distinctive New England Jewish way of speaking. "Yeah, sorry about that, the move here was a little crazy," she replied.

Rebeccah shook her head. "Oh no worries, hun. I've been handlin' myself well enough. I'll getcha caught up when we have a chance. So where are you from?"

Luca caught movement in the corner of her eye as Zee went to his assigned table situated right in front of her own, and found it a little bit of a struggle to turn back to answer Rebeccah's question. "I'm ah... I'm from east Connecticut," she said, finally pulling her eyes away from the back of Zee's head to face Rebeccah's own gaze. Rebeccah looked at her knowingly, raising an eyebrow.

"Cute, I know," she mouthed to Luca, holding a hand up and fanning beside her face. "Totally gay, though."

Luca fell into the silent word-mouthing right away, following suit with Rebeccah. "What?! No way. I just saw him this morning, and he was so busy checking me out he tripped and fell."

Rebeccah shrugged. "That's the way it always is. He seems to act like he's into females, and then the moment one of them shows the mildest interest, he avoids her and goes off to hang out with his buddies. Total closet case."

Luca felt her heart sink at the news, unable to avoid turning to look at Zee again. He'd turned to talk to his lab partner, so she could see his profile. His cute feline muzzle seemed slightly shorter than that of most males, but that only made him cuter. Add in the cute white tufts of fur sticking up from the inside of his ears and how well-groomed he seemed and she felt pained. Not that it mattered, she realized. He'd never be into a girl like-and that's when it hit her. Maybe if Zee wasn't interested in females, he might go for someone like her. Turning back to Rebeccah, she had a devious little smirk on her face.

"What?" Rebeccah mouthed.

"We'll see just how gay he is," Luca replied without making a noise.

The rest of the class went well. Rebeccah was surprised to find that Luca needed no help, and that it mostly went the other way around. They talked and talked throughout their lab session, discussing boys in the school (other than the one sitting right in front of them), boys in the media, new fashions, and generally Rebeccah would insert little factoids about people at the school that she thought Luca should know to survive. Luca learned Rebeccah's family was reform Jewish, and had lived in Texas since she was four. Only a couple years ago they returned home to NYC so that Rebeccah could find a "nice Jewish boy," which Rebeccah scoffed at the notion of. By the end of class, they were a sleepover and consolation session away from BFF status.

After class was over, Rebeccah invited Luca to the field with her.

"Why are we going to the track?"

Rebeccah smirked at Luca. "To see the cute boys run around and around and around," she said with a giggle.

"I like the way you think, Beccah," she replied with a giggle. Along the way, they met up with two other girls. One was a tiger by the name of Hyata, and the other was a young brown philly named Ellie. The four of them got along very well as they made their way to the bleachers and sat only a couple rows from the bottom, watching the track team as they trained.

After a few minutes, Luca's favorite guy on campus showed up. Rebeccah nudged her playfully. "There he is, hun. How do you plan on convincing him?" She asked.

"I'll tell you when I figure it out," she said, pushing Beccah back playfully. When the other two girls questioned, Rebeccah chimed in.

"She's trying to seduce our gay track member," Rebeccah explained. The other two only laughed.

"He's never gonna go for that," Hyata remarked, her Japanese accent coming across thickly as she tried to suppress her laughter.

"Yeah, Luca. Every girl has tried," Ellie chimed in. "He's never so much as blinked."

"I hear Jodie's sister even waited for him in the locker room-naked-and he still turned her down," Rebeccah said.

Luca stuck her tongue out at the three girls. "You'll see. I'll snag him."

The girls all rolled their eyes, but it was left at that.

After practice was over, Zee was taking his time to follow the others into the locker rooms-as usual. He kept pushing himself, running his laps as the other boys showered up.

"Now's your chance," Rebeccah said to Luca as Zee finally seemed to be calling it a day. Luca shot her a look and made her way down the steps. Zee was already carrying his bag towards the lockers when she caught up with him, walking alongside him.

"Hey," Luca said, smiling brightly as she matched his pace.

Zee only made a passive glance in her direction, jaw hardening. "Hey."

"I saw you running out there. You're really good."

"You run?"

"I... used to," Luca said, her hands clasping behind her back. "Listen. I saw this poster in the school about the dance next week. Since I just got here, I don't have a date. I was wondering-"

"No."

Luca blinked, turning her gaze to Zee's face. It seemed odd, how direct he just said it. "What?"

"I said no," Zee said simply, stopping right before he went into the locker rooms. He turned towards Luca. "Look, I'm not interested in dating or being social. I have my training to focus on."

"But just this morning, you-"

"Does that really matter? I'm not interested. End of story." With that, he turned and disappeared into the locker room.

Luca wanted to stop him, to show him she wasn't all she seemed. Maybe it'd give her the opportunity to get her foot in the door. But all she could do was raise her arm after him, mouth open in surprised silence. And then the door closed on her, and that was it.

On her way home, all Luca could think about was what a traitor she was to herself, willing to shun all she struggled to be just so some cute though probably gay boy would like her. Suddenly she hated having her boy parts more than ever, and silently prayed that the next morning she'd have the right parts she was supposed to have. She prayed for that every day, though. It didn't ever work. Every step seemed to only make her feel worse, and the triumphant "told-you-so" faces of those two girls Rebeccah hung out with kept flashing in her head. The only saving grace was that her new-found almost-BFF actually reflected the disappointment Luca felt inside. Beccah was definitely not like the others, and Luca liked that the most about her. She was "real."