Chasing the Sun - Chapter 19: Some Small Steps

Story by hashtse_apxan on SoFurry

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#20 of Chasing the Sun


He never thought he would be willing, much less feel comfortable doing this with a guy. If someone asked him to do this a few years ago, he might turn around in disgust. Octo was a witness to the things he would do to anyone who tried doing this to him.

Now, at least with one person, Max felt okay with that. He was no romantic person, but he appreciated the fact that despite his flaws, Tom tried his best to be accommodating to him, to give him a shoulder to lean on. Not a very steady shoulder, considering, but still, Tom trusted him enough to be vulnerable with him.

Now, it was his turn to provide a shoulder for Tom to lean on.

"Come here." He said softly as he sat down on the bed. Tom was sitting on the side of the bed, looking through the windows. Outside it was raining, the occasional thunder lighting the room. None of them was afraid of thunder, but Max had to admit, it was a bit creepy.

The grey wolf at first didn't budge, but when Max put his hands on his shoulders, he sagged and went limp. Max gently pulled him close as he leant back on the headboard. Tom took a deep breath as his back met Max's chest. Max hugged him close, inhaling his scent. Tom might like him because he was sexually appealing to him, but Max himself liked the wolf because he was a great friend. He might not be ready yet to see the wolf sexually despite the things they had done, but he was willing to try.

This month, Tom was having an episode with his chronic depression. Tom told him before that this would last maybe a month, but the most severe symptoms would happen for a week or so. Thankfully, he said he was done with that. Tom didn't protest when they went to a psychiatrist, and while the wolf never missed his meds, he still often stared at empty space, not moving at all. He didn't talk often, even when Max tried to strike up a conversation. Although Tom did reply and continued the conversation, Max could tell that he was not really interested in it despite his smile.

The psychiatrist gave Max some tips on how to help him, that was to hold him close and be an anchor. Max was at first confused by that, but he realised that it meant he had to remind the wolf that he mattered. He realised that inside, Tom had been wanting to be held close, a shoulder to cry.

But... didn't everyone? Some even more so than others.

"Tom." he said softly, caressing his fur. Even now he still wondered why Tom's fur was coarse. Wolves tended to have soft fur; perhaps it was because of his past? "You've eaten dinner?"

Tom didn't immediately answer, but then he let out a heavy sigh. "Yeah."

Max let him do so. "How're you feeling?"

"A lot better." The wolf replied. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Max smiled at that.

"I... uh... thank you, really."

"Don't mention it." He wrapped his arms around the wolf. "How do you... how do you cope with this? It must be hard."

Tom didn't answer right away. Max did not force him. It was personal, he knew, but he also knew that it would help him cope better. Although he was sure that Tom explained it to the psychiatrist, he wanted to remind him that he could go through this.

"I..." the wolf finally answered. "I... accept it."

He didn't reply to let the wolf continue.

"I... take it. I take it as a part of me which I hate..." the wolf trailed off. "I cannot... I can only control it. I can run but cannot hide from it." He almost whimpered. "I can only accept and control it."

The words hit Max like knives. He tensed up, hugging the wolf a little tighter. The dog looked at the ceilings; just how cruel had fate been to him?

Memories of that dreadful accident resurfaced, and Max let out a heavy sigh, repressing his fear. It was... Tom was... out of his world. He could still see the wolf there, fur red from blood with a dangerous smile on his lips. Yet, no matter how hard he tried to dissociate that wolf from this one, they were still the same person. This dichotomy of personality was bewildering him, yet now, he was starting to understand why.

The dog hugged the wolf closer, inhaling his unique scent. Unlike most canines, Tom's scent was thin when one was far, as if he didn't have a scent at all. One had to hold him close to smell him, and only then his strong but refreshing smell was out.

Closing his eyes, Max sighed. He did not want to look at Tom's scars. The wolf had so many scars on his body, some covered by the fur, some waiting to be covered, some somehow still looking fresh. Now he understood why Tom didn't want to expose his fur so much.

"Sorry," the wolf in his hold said, his tone apologetic.

Max felt him shudder. "What're you sorry for?"

"I... scared you, didn't I?"

He laughed softly, hiding his thoughts away. He should help take Tom's mind off the depression. "Yep, you did. But it turns out I have a strong dude as a boyfriend. I'm now safe from Kevin."

Tom gave a soft sigh, making Max chuckle. Well, that sentence he said there made him feel a bit funny--he was a whole lot bigger and a whole lot more muscular than Tom, after all, but he wasn't sure he could handle a mafia gang all alone like Tom did.

He continued, "But it's okay, Tom." Communication is key, his Intro to Comm book said. "I know you're not gonna hurt me." He nuzzled the crook of the wolf's neck, thinking how many maws had been here, trying to bite him. "I know you're strong enough to handle it." He knew he should be afraid; did Tom lose control, that might spell the end for him. But if anything, Tom had been holding it in. That accident made him feel both safe and terrified of Tom. Knowing that Tom was protective of him comforted him, but knowing what he could do to do so... "I know you can do it."

Tom took his hand, lacing it with his fingers. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He closed his eyes. Now that the wolf was relaxed, he should talk with him more to keep his mind busy. He felt bad; he should've done this before, but work kept them away. Now, they had all night to snuggle and cuddle on the bed. Pushing his fear away, he asked the wolf. "Heh, I've been meaning to ask, why did you like me? And how long?"

Max could feel the wolf tensing, but it wasn't out of worry, it was out of surprise and nervousness. He just chuckled and nibbled on his ear; he knew Tom loved it when he did that.

"I... uh... you... really have to ask that?"

"Yup." He breathed over the wolf's ear, holding back a chuckle when it tried to flatten only to come into his mouth. He bit it softly and Tom shuddered.

The wolf held his hands close. "Uh... because... you're hot..."

He laughed and flexed his arms, trapping the wolf in his hold. "Go on."

"Y...ya... uh... I liked you because you're sexy--I mean, who wouldn't?" The wolf said as he ran his free hand over the dog's bicep, still softly, as if he weren't sure whether it would be welcome or not. "But... after we started to hang out... I... liked you... because you're a good and fun guy to hang out with." He nervously chuckled. "You're friendly to everyone and I really like it."

"Mrf?"

"Kinda funny to remember. I started to like you ever since we met, but I realised that I really like you after... after that intercultural festival."

Now that he remembered about it, he felt bad. He got a girlfriend just because he was too nervous to admit that that kiss was good. "Sorry about that, I was an asshole, I know."

"Don't be. We wouldn't be here if you didn't do that." The wolf let out a small chuckle.

A genuine chuckle. Max smiled brightly. "Guess you're right. Anything more?"

"Uh... I... I like your voice. You sound... manly and hot."

The dog purposefully lowered his voice and whispered into the wolf's ear. "Really? Is that so?"

"Y-yeah." Tom nervously shifted in his hold. "I also like your smell."

Max laughed softly. "My smell? Really? Is it manly and hot?"

"More than you know. I like it when you come home after work and your smell is everywhere."

"Weird, but okay." He just hugged the wolf closer. "I always thought I smelled like dirty socks and horny dog all the time. Now, your turn to ask."

"Um, well..." he trailed off. "Same question, I guess."

Max booped him with his free hand. Tom tried to swat it away. "I like you because you're a good and fun guy to hang out with." He answered.

"That's just copying my answer."

"No, it's true! You're a good and fun guy to hang out with, which is weird since we're the opposite of each other." He laughed a little. "I like parties, you don't like 'em. I like going out, you don't like it... wait, we both like going out, just to different places. I don't like going to the library just to read books, you like it."

"You used to go to the uni library to do your homework."

"I had homework to do. I don't really like it if we're just there to read books." He shrugged. "And I still like you because you're a good and fun guy to hang out with. I'm still trying more, so..." He moved his hand lower to the wolf's crotch. Tom gasped a little. "lemme take some small steps, okay?"

"T-take your time. A-and your hand out of my crotch, please?"

He did so. It was funny, how Tom was teaching him to like men. He found girls hot, but at least he was beginning to find Tom hot. Maybe he really was bi, and Tom was the one who made him realise that. "You have a nice ass."

Tom took his hands and held them to prevent him from grabbing his crotch again. "It's pressed on your crotch."

"Nice." He humped the wolf. "Damn wolf you be lookin' fiiine."

The wolf shifted a bit. "You sound like a pervert."

"You turned me into a pervert."

"Aren't I supposed to be the pervy one?"

"You rubbed off on me." Max bit his ear again. "Don't howl."

"Don't bark."

"Bark bark!"

Tom shook his head. Max just laughed. "Anyway, I've been meaning to say this, but your fur sucks."

"I know." The wolf let out another sigh. "I'm not really a fan of shedding."

He glanced over a small plastic bag in the corner of the room. It was there when he came home earlier. "That bag over there is your fur?"

"Y-yeah, I went home covered in loose fur. I cleaned it up."

"You need a new brush?"

"Not really. I should be finishing this week, though."

"M-hm. Then you can brush me after."

"I don't know, I may end up just touching you all over like last time."

To be honest, it felt nice when Tom groped him all over like some kind of muscle god. He knew he was hot but not that hot. "That's exactly what I want."

"Nice way to feed your ego, kan?"

"Make me happy to prepare myself when you finally fuck me, this poor, poor dog who doesn't know anything." Max whined playfully.

Tom shook his head again, making him laugh. "I should be the clueless one here. Why do you sound like I'm going to do you?"

He just shrugged. "Because you do, duh. I should be prepared for the day you take my virginity away."

"It... should be the other way around. I never had sex."

"We did sex."

"I mean penetrative sex."

Max bit his ear and humped him again with a growl. "You want penetration?"

"Let's... not talk about sex now, 'k-kay?" The wolf said. "Ouch!"

The dog let his ear go. "Sorry." He shifted a bit.

They went quiet, just enjoying the closeness. Their bodies were pressed against each other, giving warmth to each other.

The wolf then spoke up. "Max?"

"Mm?"

"Am I..." Tom then said as he took a deep breath. "Am I a good boyfriend?"

Max didn't answer right away, taken aback by the wolf's question. It was the first time someone ever asked him that. The way the wolf asked him was also unsure, like he was in doubt of himself.

What shook him was that he had asked himself the same questions multiple times before. Am I a good boyfriend? Every time after he broke up with his girlfriends, he would lie on his bed, stare at the ceilings, and ask himself that. Was he a good boyfriend? If yes, why did they break up? What did he do to hurt her?

Taking a breath, he traced his fingers, softly making small circles on his stomach. He did not want the wolf to feel what he felt all those years ago. "Yes, Tom, you're a good boyfriend."

The wolf sighed, relieved. Max could feel the tension leaving his body. Really, Tom was the best partner he could ask. He was gentle, soft, honest, patient, everything he wanted. He was honest with him about what he liked and did not like. At first, the constant "can I do this" or "please do/don't do this" felt restrictive and unnecessarily complicated, but as they spent time together, Tom used what he knew about him to be more considerate. Those were weird, but now he appreciated them.

To push those memories away, Max asked the wolf instead. The wolf was the one who needed assurance and the wolf needed him. Max also wanted to be a good boyfriend. "Where did you learn, anyway?"

"Um... romance novels and books." Tom sheepishly answered.

"If those romance novels and books say relationships should be calm, peaceful, don't rush, be patient and all that, I'm gonna buy a dozen copies of 'em."

The wolf gave an amused mrf.

"I'm glad you learned from them. That makes you cute." He continued, giving the wolf's nose a boop.

"Max, please..."

He just chuckled and hugged the wolf closer. They had all night to snuggle.