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Humanity; Lost

Chapter Seven

© Cederwyn Whitefurr

26th January, 2024

All Rights Reserved.

In the passage of a week, Alex struggled emotionally and physically, as he grappled with the revelations and truth that his mind refused to admit. That... buck, was really his sire. A sire, he'd never known or met, until recently. Becky and Elara provided strength and comfort, often just physically or emotionally, as he fought this internal conflict.

As dawn painted the world in muted hues, Alex crawled out of the bedroom, his ears flat and expression exhausted. He'd not slept the night before, his weary countenance betraying the inner turmoil that showed in his body language.

Elara, attuned to her son in ways she herself, truly didn't comprehend, set aside her book and extended her open arms towards him.

“Alex?” she beckoned softly, the warmth and love in her voice, a lifeline for him to cling to. “Come here, my love. It's alright. Come on.”

With reluctance in his movements, Alex approached, his marsupial body folding into a vulnerable surrender. He rested his head on Elara's lap, his weary eyes kept downcast, his furred body quivering.

“You can't run from it forever - “ Elara spoke quietly, tenderly caressing his ear and down his neck.

“...ared... uck...” Alex's fearful grunts come. “...uck...”

With a stamp of a foot, Alex clenched his clawed fingers, digging into the leathery pads on his palms, his anger and frustration in his inability to clearly articulate, bursting forth in a rush of self-hatred and frustration.

Even Elara, semi-used to it, struggled for a moment, until Alex, frustrated, slapped his chest with his paw.

“Oh, buck – Yes, I understand, you're scared by him – it's alright my son. Yes, he's big and strong and intimidating – but he's not going to hurt you, ever. He's not what he appears. He's kind, gentle, sweet-natured, and I believe – he is exactly what you need. To learn to merge your instincts with that beautiful, intelligent mind, to coexist.”

Alex, quivering, shook his long-eared head in negation.

“...ared...”

“Shhh,” Elara comfortingly murmured, stroking him. “I swear, I won't let anything happen, you need this. I know you don't know him, and he doesn't know you either, but he is what you have become, he can help you – all we have to do is to make sure it is quiet, gentle interactions. I'll go find him, have him out on the porch, or even in the yard if it'll make you less afraid. Will that help?”

“...eck - “ Alex coughed.

“Yes, she will be beside you, I promise. You just show me you're uncomfortable, and we'll break off contact, deal?”

Looking up through his eyelashes, Alex twitched an ear, then gave a weak, nervous smile.

*

Early morning sun warmed the front yard, as Noel sprawled casually, attempting to adopt a relaxed posture. His crossed forearms and legs mirrored his mental state, one of being at peace with himself, and the natural world around him, but a persistent fly kept disrupting his tranquillity.

Elara, seated on the chair on the porch, couldn't conceal the tension in her body. Memories of shared laughter, warmth, and pleasure with Noel lingered, leaving a hint of longing in her gaze. As if catching a whiff of her thoughts – or her scent – Noel acknowledged her with a courteous nod before looking away again, painfully aware of the nebulous threads that had been re-knitted between them.

Noel's ears perked up at the muffled footsteps within the cottage, signaling the opening of the front door. Becky emerged, and Noel, with a casual grunt, glanced her way, trying to convey his calm indifference. Becky's body was tense, and her stiff movements were careful, as she looked down at him, her eyes widening slightly in apprehension. Lastly, Alex approached, remaining hidden behind Becky, nervously peering out from behind her, his ears flat and body crouched as low to the floor as he could manage.

A heavy, pregnant silence held between the four of them for an uncomfortable time. Around them, ambient sounds of nature, the low moo of distant cows, the chirps and twitters of birds, and the rustle of the leaves in the nearby trees.

Elara, caught in a moment of self-reflection, traced the lines of Noel's marsupial body, taking in his strong, powerful musculature – aware of the power and strength behind it, and the potential dangers it posed. Yet another part of her longed to hold that body close to her own, to feel his warm breath of her ear, to feel that sun-warmed fur and those strong forearms around her neck, the gentle, slick tongue licking her face.

Noel moved subtly, slightly glancing at Elara, his notched ear flicking forwards, the other dangling at an unusual angle. It was like they shared the barest of telepathic bonds for a second or two – her emotional thoughts somehow transferring to him, before he gave a microscopic nod, then looked away, remaining placid and calm.

With a grunt, he flicked both his ears, annoyed by the persistent fly that lit upon them, as he returned once more to his curious, yet restful, position. He was prepared to take as long as needed, to assure the young buck – his son – there wasn't any malice or hostility in Noel's body language, only a father seeking reconciliation.

Noel observed, in a casual manner, as the young kangaroo cautiously made his way out from Becky, acknowledging the profound fear in the half-second glance that Noel shared with Alex. Subtle shifts in Alex's body language spoke words – that he could not. His instinctual terror warring with the human sides flicker of curiosity, that dared to surface within his mind.

“It's alright,” Noel grunted gently.

He maintained his relaxed posture, trying to project an air of calm authority, rather than dominance and potential aggression, common to dominant males.

“I can sense you're scared – my... son. I won't hurt you, I promise. I'm not a feral; I won't attack because you refuse – through no fault of yours – the subtle nuances of our kind, the social etiquette, and such.”

Timidly, Alex crawled to the top of the ramp, his claws making a quiet clattering sound on the timber. He kept his body held low, his eyes downcast, the physical embodiment of submission in the presence of the elder buck.

Around them, the air held a tenseness, palpable and perceptible, even by Becky and Elara, broken only by the quiet sounds of nature.

“Easy, Alex - “ Becky whispered, a hand resting reassuringly on his rump. “It's alright, I know you're scared – but he's not going to eat you!”

Noel grunted in laughter, reassuringly flicking his ears. “No, I'm not. It's... hard, I understand, my son. You had - “

Noel gestured with one paw, a human-like gesture before laying it back down, folding it over the other.

“You were changed, no doubt, unwillingly. If... If I had been older, wiser – I would not have made those mistakes I made and led us all to – this. For that, I can never truly apologize. My words would never do the pain justice, nor would I ever ask for your forgiveness. It is my punishment, I bear – if anything, you should hate me, for what I done not only to your mother – but you as well...”

Noel took a deep breath, letting it out in a slow exhalation as his ears slicked back slightly. His eyes showed the truth and depth of his feelings, the vulnerability, the complexity of his emotions that filled him, a mixture of regret, longing, and a genuine desire to bridge the gap that time and circumstances had created between them.

“Yet, I hope we can find a way to understand each other,” Noel looked up at Alex, his ears pricking forward again. “I won't ask for acceptance or forgiveness. Alex, but the chance to be a part of your life, to be your father – beyond the fact a young, foolish, and selfish buck – gave to a beautiful, kind, and loving woman – my seed. Yet this seed germinated and grew, into this wondrous gift, a gift – that is you...”

Alex quivered beneath Becky's touch, his muscles tightening even more, as he cast his nervous look up at her, seeking reassurance and support.

“I'll be right here with you, come on – together, let's go introduce ourselves properly – please?”

Alex grunted and coughed, struggling to voice his words – then to his surprise, Noel flicked his ears and made a series of his own, animal vocalizations – that made Alex's head snap around, his ears instinctively pricking forwards, his eyes widening and muzzle slowly opening.

“Urgh,” Noel coughed and shuddered, then uttered a rough chuckle – more growl than laughter. “I forget how – limited our speech is at times.”

“You...understood - “ Becky gasped. “It's just...”

Noel flicked his ears and a smile wavered across his lips as he lightly shook his head. “No, humans just don't comprehend it. Given years, I could teach you to understand at least some of the vocalizations – much of our language, is body language. How we use subtle movements of our body, that others can easily understand – others like my...I mean, kangaroos – I've never met another of my kind...until now...”

Alex leaned against Becky, who stroked him soothingly, lending him strength and support, before Alex nervously crawled down the ramp, his eyes wide and body trembling.

“Easy,” Noel grunted. “Easy – even I have my limits – yes, you're new to this, it's terrifying, caught between instinct and your true self – that which lives inside your mind. Your fear is triggering my instincts – which I'm struggling to hold in check.”

Alex, seeking comfort, clutched at Becky's forearm, making frightened grunting sounds. Becky crouched down, then wrapped him in a hug, gently holding him and reassuring him with her kindness and warmth, until he settled.

Noel's ears twitched, and he gave a quiet grunt. “A little high-strung, but I suppose – considering, that isn't unexpected...”

“Our son has – always been quite an emotional person,” Elara spoke up. “Kind, gentle of spirit – I did my best with him...”

Noel flinched visibly, Elara's words slapping him, but he merely let it slide away, as he returned to an inquisitive, relaxed posture. Sensing the difficulty that Alex was experiencing, he realized the deeper bonds that existed between Becky and Alex. He understood Alex's need for space and time. Elara stepped down, then approached Alex and Becky, placing a protective hand on both kangaroo and human, her posture speaking words that Noel, with a gentle nod of his head, took to heart.

They are her mob, He thought to himself. I am an unknown, an outsider – I must move with cautious steps, this is a fragile time.

Elara looked at him, her eyes fixing on his, and in that moment of silent exchange, years of shared history and unspoken pain were exchanged, and mutually acknowledged.

At last, Alex's quivering eased, and he glanced from his mother and his lover, towards his father, releasing the tight grip he had on Becky's forearms, with his paws. Alex dropped back onto all fours, his eyes showing his uncertainty and curiosity, as he took a small, yet surprising – movement towards Noel.

Noel watched, curious, yet calm, allowing the younger buck to make whatever moves he felt comfortable with. His body language conveyed understanding and patience, his nostrils scenting the fear and confusion that washed from Alex like sweat. With a subtle, almost sub-vocal grunt, he assured Alex's wilder side, that he was completely safe, and he'd be there whenever the younger kangaroo was ready to explore the possibility of connection.

Tentatively, Alex's neck stretched out, and with the lightest of touches, he sniffed at Noel's muzzle, before shrinking back, crouching and coughing submissively.

“Oh, stop that, please - “ Noel grunted, then gave another gentle smile. “Breathe, go on – being so tense, it's not good for us! I promise I won't hurt you. Go ahead, smell my scent, imprint it on your mind. It's quite alright!”

Slightly bolder, Alex crept a tiny bit closer, making a series of nervous chattering sounds, like a joey would towards its mother, as he timidly touched noses with Noel, who flicked his ear and titled his head slightly – before Alex blinked as Noel's slick tongue licked from nose to between his eyes.

“There, that wasn't so hard? Was it?” Noel chuffed, then carefully held both paws up, turning them leathery paw pad side up.

Alex's ears slowly pricked upwards, and he shivered, still intimidated and frightened, but at least a little more open to further moments of trust and bonding.

*

Elara remained outside, gently holding Noel's paws in her hands, gazing into his warm, intelligent brown eyes.

“Thank you - “ Elara whispered, giving Noel's paws a gentle squeeze.

Noel gave that wavering smile, his whiskers twitching, before he hesitantly moved his head forward. At first, Elara was hesitant, before she gave a nervous smile and lowered her head. Noel, feeling the warmth and acceptance from her – tenderly licked her forehead.

“I...miss you, terribly - “ Elara's voice cracked, on the verge of tears.

Noel gently placed his paws on her cheeks, holding her head as he rested his forehead against hers, in a tender, platonic gesture of trust and attempting to reestablish bonds both thought were broken forever.

“After a – period of readjustment...” Elara sniffled, then swallowed and lifted her eyes to look into his.

Noel held his gaze calm and restive, whilst internally, the warmth and love he longed to express, was kept tightly under control.

“I would...” Elara stammered, and then a flush crept up her cheeks.

“Let me...please - “ Noel murmured, tenderly sliding his paws down her cheeks and cupping her chin, leaning closer.

As his furred lips brushed against hers, Elara's quivering hands slid around his head and tenderly held him. Noel, with a quiet drawn breath, placed his paws around her head, holding her gently, as his lips pressed against hers – and Elara responded – sharing a deep, loving, and passionate kiss with her long lost mate.

For longer than Noel expected, Elara held him in this passionate kiss, finally, pulling back, her flush deepening, as she shivered and looked embarrassed and ashamed. Gently, Noel lifted her chin, to look into her eyes.

“Unexpected - “ He murmured, his own eyes filled with surprise and gentle warmth, his love for her evident.

“Yet...not unwelcome - “ Elara whispered. “Thank you, Noel... I - needed that, that moment, to reaffirm my true feelings...for you.”

Noel slightly slumped, his ears twitching back, eyes widening slightly as a distinctly nervous look came into his eyes. Elara frowned slightly before she nervously smiled and pulled him into a hug, resting his head on her shoulder, and stroking his back gently.

“Oh, no, no... I'm never – going to drive you away. I promise. I just... I don't know how to feel – you're a... I'm a human...”

Noel, taking a tentative sniff of Elara's scent, blinked and quivered.

“I would be...willing – to share my bed with you, in a purely platonic manner – there's still a lot between us, but I am willing...if you are, to try to heal these wounds, between us... Noel.”

He leaned back, holding Elara with a firm, but gentle grip on her shoulders, using his tail as a brace, gazing into her eyes, confused and conflicted. He looked into her eyes, down at her belly, then back up again, his muzzle slightly opening as he began to speak, but Elara placed a hand lightly over his lips, gently closing his muzzle.

“Think about it...” Elara smiled, then leaned forward and lightly kissed him on the forehead.

Noel blinked, his ears swishing, as Elara stroked his furred cheeks, then stepped back, heading back towards the cottage, leaving him confused and surprised.

*

In the coming weeks, Alex grunted and slammed a foot down on the forest floor. Around them, the scent of Eucalyptus filled the air with their fragrant blossoms, as Noel shook his head, his ears flapping from side to side. They had formed a nervous relationship, as Noel tried his best to help guide Alex through the intricacies of life in his new form. They spent from sunup to sundown, even sometimes, most of the night, out in forest and field, Noel patiently teaching his son the nuances of marsupial behavior and social aspects. Alex observed, wide-eyed, as Noel showed him the art of grazing on grass, choosing the best, most nutritious of them, his strong tail used for balance and support. Hopping gracefully, Noel made it seem so effortless, his breathing calm and regular, able to hold a surprisingly quick speed and astounding agility.

As the sun began to dip towards the mountains, its warm, orange glow fading to a mixture of salmon pink and grey, Noel sprawled under a tree and gestured for Alex to join him. Awkwardly, Alex lay down, and then Noel looked at him, grunting when the sore, tired, and overwhelmed younger buck's attention wavered.

Noel initiated the first lessons in feral communication. The clicks, grunts, and coughs of their shared language – limited though it was – passed back and forth between the bonding father and son. Alex struggled, his father almost endlessly patient, hearing a subtle difference between what noises his father made, and his own. As he struggled, Noel waved off the lesson, and then began to teach him how to amalgamate his marsupial instincts, into his human mind.

As the weeks turned into months, Alex grew more comfortable around his father. Resting on a grassy hillside, laying almost shoulder to shoulder, Alex looked up at the constellations, so far above them, feeling restive and calm. Without warning, Noel leaped up and adopted the fighting stance, encouraging Alex with playful grunts and gestures. As they engaged it playful sparring, Noel grunted as Alex kicked him with his powerful hind feet, forcing the older buck back a half-hop, Noel shuddered and dropped down, bringing a moment of respite.

“A...good kick – you've been practicing!” Noel grunted, then rubbed at his belly.

“...es - “ Alex grunted, then shook his head. “Yes...a...dad.”

“Excellent, you're coming along so well!” Noel smiled. “Like I said, you'll get more fluent in time, don't push yourself....now...”

As Noel leaped, wrapping Alex in a tight wrestling move, trying to throw him to the ground, Alex gave a loud grunt and retaliated – the two bucks kicking and struggling, their playful exertions overlooked by the swelling orb of the moon, its light shimmering on their sweat slick coats.

*

As the first hints of winter began to make herself known, the seasons passing from one day into the next, the full moon shone in through the cottage windows.

Laying on the bed, the moonlight casting its glow over the two of them, Elara caressed Noel's furred cheek, gazing into his eyes, his own eyes, reflecting the moonlight that danced across his quivering furred body. At this moment, their connection, once fractured by time and circumstance, renewed in the embrace of the night.

As the moonlight slowly moved away, almost as if it was embarrassed by what it had seen, their relationship was reaffirmed between Elara and Noel – in a sensual, and pleasurable way between them both...

*

As dawn fought the darkness of night, Elara moved about the kitchen, dressed in a mid-thigh length gown, slippers adorning her feet. With a jaw-cracking yawn, Elara shuddered and put the kettle on, before leaning against the counter, taking a moment. A moment was all she had, as she heard, then saw, a sleepy Becky stumble into the kitchen, then slump into a chair.

“Good morning, Becky!” Elara smiled, then felt a subtle flush adorning her cheeks, a contented smile playing on her lips.

“Urgh...morning - “ Becky grumbled, before she blinked, then looked up at Elara, noticing the change in her demeanor.

Elara chuckled lightly, her cheeks turning a brighter red before she winked at Becky.

“Bucks, you know,” she said with a playful glint in her eyes. “passionate creatures, I've come to learn. Makes for a...lively night...”

Becky's eyes widened before she blinked, and then a look of realization spread like the dawn, across her face. “Well, it's good to see you both happy. Must have been quite a night!”

Elara nodded, the unspoken detail of the night kept between herself and Noel, a secret shared in the quiet moments only the moon had borne witness too...

TO BE CONTINUED...