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Humanity: Lost

Chapter Six – Awkward Reunions

© Cederwyn Whitefurr

25th January, 2024

All Rights Reserved.

Elara quietly stepped into the quaint cottage, a haven nestled amidst the rolling fields around it. Inside, the air was thick with the lingering scent of aromatic wood, its ashen remains still retaining a hint of warmth in the fireplace. Alex, sniffled as he hopped past her, his marsupial features carrying the weight of his unspoken emotions. Without a glance at her, he bounded into the bedroom he shared with Becky, the rhythmic thuds of his hopping fading behind him.

Becky followed, her gaze meeting Elara's in a shared understanding of the emotions that unraveled within the cottage. A silent exchange passed between them, and then, Becky gently hugged Elara, pulling her into an embrace that spoke of shared pain and unspoken support.

“As you said to me, so I say to you – go to him, be with him. Noel is your... You and he have a lot to talk about..."

Elara tensed for a moment, her internal conflict palpable. Then, she shuddered and nodded, releasing herself from Becky's embrace. Becky wiped away her tears, a mirror of the pain etched on Elara's face, before she moved quietly into the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind her.

Noel came in cautiously, crouched over, his claws clicking on the timber, before becoming muffled by the carpet. He glanced around, his ears twitching, before he lay down before the fireplace, his body posture tense and stiff. Elara sat on the couch, just staring at the back of Noel's head. Like a cloud, the tension hung like a stifling miasma. Noel's notched ear slowly turned back toward Elara, before he shuddered and stood up, at last, turning to face her.

His nostrils flared, smelling the myriad of emotions in her scent. Pain, grief, anger – it overwhelmed him, mentally and sensually.

“Why..." Her voice cut through the heavy silence, a single word loaded with the bitterness of years of abandonment. Each letter was a searing accusation, a demand for an explanation.

Noel twitched, and shifted uncomfortably, the weight of Elara's gaze pressing down on him, before he coughed and dropped his eyes.

He began, his voice quiet, as if he feared the words themselves. “I know I hurt you deeply by leaving. I can not express how sorry I am for abandoning you. It... wasn't just a physical distance, I withdrew from your life, and I can never begin to imagine the pain my selfish act caused you."

Elara remained conflicted, her eyes fixed on Noel, demanding more than mere words. She wanted him to feel how she felt, to see in his eyes and body, that he truly grasped the magnitude of the emotional devastation he had left in his wake.

Noel glanced at her, then looked away, unable to hold eye contact.

“I have lived with the pain, accepted it as a burden I carry every day. I thought I was sparing you a life of misery and suffering. How could you love me? I deceived you, Elara. I was young, foolish, and prideful. I gave you my seed without thought or consideration for the repercussions, for what might happen."

Noel quivered, gesturing with one paw towards the closed bedroom door.

Elara growled, her maternal instincts flooding her. “You leave my son out of this, you cold-heated bastard."

Noel grunted quietly, his ears moving backward into a softer and more subdued posture. “I am sorry, you're right, this is between us."

Elara's anger simmered within her, her gaze unwavering.

Noel's apology hung in the air between them once more, a fragile bridge the buck tried to build, attempting to span a chasm of broken trust.

Elara refused to take a step onto that bridge, not yet, not by a long shot. She wasn't ready to move an inch towards reconciliation between them. Elara's eyes bore into him, demanding answers beyond the surface of what he had explained.

“I needed you," she stated, her voice quiet, yet incisive, cutting like a razor into his very soul. “Not just physically, but here, with me and our...our child. Why did you stay nearby? Watching from the shadows, while I stumbled through the pain of raising our son alone?"

Noel met her gaze briefly, his eyes reflecting the pain of his regret.

“I... I couldn't face you. My guilt, my shame... It overwhelmed me. I stayed close, watching from a distance, but every time I thought about approaching, the weight of what I'd done – to you... held me back."

Elara's anger flared anew, her fists clenching at her sides. “You watched. You watched as I struggled, as I cried... and I searched for you, for months – any sign of you! I raised our son alone – AND YOU DID NOTHING!"

Noel's ears flattened against his head, a gesture of marsupial submission. “I know it doesn't excuse my actions. I should have come back and faced the consequences. Faced you... I was a coward, Elara, the longer I stayed away from you – from both of you... the harder it becomes to return. How could you love one such as me? Look at me Elara, please..."

He gave a paws-up gesture as if begging her to take in his form, Elara looked away and he shuddered.

Elara's eyes narrowed the fire in her eyes slowly abating, replaced with a look of pain. “Coward or not, you left me... left us...to suffer. To wonder why you abandoned your own family. What kind of mate does that?"

Noel winced at her words, a painful acknowledgment of the wounds he had inflicted. “A... terrible one. There's no denying it. I'm not asking for your forgiveness, Elara. I'm just... trying to explain, to make you see the twisted reasons that led me to such a heartless decision!"

Her heart broke in her chest, Elara tried to remain strong, but the tears began to flow down her cheeks. Years of uncertainty and heartache began to crystallize into a clearer picture, though her pain and suffering were far from being assuaged. As Noel awaited her response, the room seemed to hold its breath, the weight of the past pressing down upon both of them.

*

In the bedroom, Alex listened, his ears twitching and tears sliding down his muzzle, as Becky clutched his head to her chest and tried to gently rock him, her fingers stroking and caressing him. His marsupial instincts, perhaps perceiving the dominant buck as weak and helpless, urged him to challenge – to fight – but he remained broken and sobbing, understanding the fragility of the threads that bound this strange buck to his beloved mother.

Becky had no real cards in her hand she could play – all she could do was hold her lover gently, giving him her love and warmth, and wish she could reach inside of him and take away his pain and suffering – to spare him the trauma it was undoubtedly imprinting on his mind...

*

“Why... why did you never come back?" Elara began to sob almost silently, the weight of the knowledge of his presence, within reach all this time, yet chose to stay away, intensified the tsunami of emotions within her.

Noel, feeling and smelling the intensity of her emotional state, shifted uncomfortably under his storm of emotions. He struggled to find the right words, knowing that despite his proximity to her, physically, there remained an insurmountable gap emotionally and mentally.

“Elara, I was a coward, I admitted it before, and I'll say it again. I feared facing you, acknowledging the pain I caused. I know I should have returned, long ago, but my fear and shame kept me away. I can't justify it, and I won't try, I just ask that you please try to understand."

Her tears flowed like a broken spillway, Elara angrily wiped them away with her palms, her frustration evident. “Do you realize, just how many times I've wished for your return, Noel? How many nights, have I prayed to see you at the doorstep? Yet, you chose to stay away, leaving me to endure this torment and pain...alone."

Noel sniffled, turning his tear-streaked muzzle to look up at her, his guilt evident in his eyes. “I can not change the past Elara. I can only apologize, and hope, you can find it in your heart to forgive me..."

Elara stared at him, fuelled by years of longing and disappointment. His presence was a bitter reminder of the void he'd left, not only in her heart but in her very life. Elara swallowed, then slowly shook her head, before she stood up and paced away from the distraught buck, who gazed sorrowfully at her back.

Weakly, he got to all fours, quietly creeping after her, then placed a trembling paw on her back, bowing his head as he coughed in submission and heartfelt suffering.

“Noel - “ Elara spoke quietly.

Noel's ears perked up slightly at Elara's words. Her response hung in the air, a delicate balance between the weight of forgiveness and the possibility of a tentative future.

“I can never forgive you," Elara's voice echoed, carrying the scars of years of pain and abandonment. “Maybe... maybe – in time... I can never forgive you for what you put me through, but could we... could we try again?"

Noel's heart, heavy with his remorse, skipped a beat. Elara's words filled his ears, as she took the first carefully emotional steps onto the rickety bridge, as she turned about, then crouched down – holding her hands out. Timidly, he gently placed his paws in hers, gazing into her eyes. Elara's gaze remained fixed on him, a mixture of hurt and cautious hope. Her wounds ran deep, but beneath the layers of anger, there was more than a flicker of vulnerability – a yearning for something lost but not entirely forgotten.

His muzzle twitched, whiskers moving, as he felt Elara's fingers close over his paws. In his eyes, the complexity of emotions played out within him. He knew the journey ahead was uncertain, fraught with challenges that'd made the last twenty-three years in the wilds, seem tame and civilised by comparison. Yet in that one, poignant moment, a glimmer of possibility emerged from the ruins of their shared past.

Without warning, Elara grabbed him, pulling him hard against her chest, as she buried her head against his furred neck, her wracking sobs tearing through him as he slipped his paws onto her shoulders, and awkwardly held her, trying to offer comfort and solace.

Their embrace lingered for longer than Noel expected, an unspoken bridge of shared pain and tentative hope – had been crossed, both meeting in the middle. Elara's sobs gradually subsided, leaving a heavy silence in their wake. Noel, still holding her, felt the weight of the years of separation, guilt, and the fragile threads of reconciliation he ever so carefully nurtured between him and his estranged mate.

Breaking the silence, Elara pulled away slightly, her eyes filled with the remnants of her tears, yet a cautious and furtive hope glimmered deep within them. He held her hands with his paws, waiting for her to speak. Noel kept his expression as submissive and gentle as he could manage, his vulnerability in his body language and gaze, a desire for redemption and a chance at rebuilding what he had shattered between them.

After a lengthy pause, Noel, his lips and whiskers twitching, uttered words heavy with remorse and sincerity. “Elara, I never expected forgiveness. I only hope, with time, we can heal the wounds I caused."

Elara, grappling with her emotions once more, nodded, acknowledging his heartfelt words, as she wiped her cheeks. “It... will take time my..."

His ears pricked forwards in hope, desperately craving to hear the words that had meant the word to him, so long ago.

“I can not call you my mate," Elara finally whispered. “My pain is too raw, the emotions too strong – but in the future – I hope we can reverse this."

His ears slicked back and with a slump of his shoulders, he nodded his head. “Thank you – for listening to me Elara. I promise, I will do everything I can, to try and make it right – between us..."

Noel's head turned and he glanced at the bedroom, before looking back at her and lowering his head. “Finding a way to connect with..."

“He is your son - “ Elara murmured. “I never..."

Noel trembled, then looked downcast, his ears flattening against his head.

*

In the bedroom, amidst the heavy scent of Alex's stress and his shed tears, his marsupial ears turning and twitching, lay with his head in Becky's lap. She stroked his side and belly gently, a futile attempt to shield him from the emotional storm that had abated out in the living room.

Alex's internal struggle unfolded one layer at a time. Conflicting emotions churned within him, mirroring the chaos of the reunion between his mother – and the buck, who was supposedly his sire. His father's return was an unexpected and unwanted intrusion into the delicate balance he had built with his mother since his transformation. He winced, the salty scent of tears filled the bedroom, a poignant reminder of his delicate, fragile mental state.

As the tension outside had escalated, Alex's instinctual response urged him to defend his mother. Yet his human-like mind's recognition of his father's vulnerability held him from acting rashly. It hadn't hurt, that as he'd tried to rise, Becky had wrapped her strong legs and arms around him, until he'd shuddered and went limp and submissive.

Becky's mind raced with worry and uncertainty as she held Alex in her arms. She couldn't bear to see him in pain, yet she felt powerless to ease his suffering. With each tear he shed, she felt her heart breaking anew, wishing she could do more to protect this scared, fragile buck. Stroking him, she leaned down and as he lifted his wet muzzle to look into her eyes, she gently kissed him on the lips, stroking his quivering ears soothingly.

“We'll face this together, Alex," Becky whispered, her fingers lightly brushing away the lingering tears. “I'm here for you, no matter what."

Alex's whiskers trembled, as his lips parted and his guttural voice croaked, choked with raw emotion.

“...ant...elieve...ou..."

Becky smiled weakly, before she pulled his head against her breasts, tenderly stroking him as his sobs started again.

“I know my love, I know, you want to believe me, I promise – I'll never put you through that, I swear."

*

Exhausted, emotionally drained, and distraught, Elara rose. She cast a weary gaze at Noel, who remained crouched and submissive, his eyes fixed on her.

“I think it best," Elara began her voice still raw. “For a little while, you stay outside the cottage. Just – until things settle. This has been traumatic, not only for me but for Alex as well. We need a little time to adjust, you understand?"

Her words hung before him, a gentle but firm request for space. Elara's eyes, though fatigued, held a glimmer of hope and resolve, as she waited for the buck's understanding. Noel nodded, as he rose, maintaining a respectful distance between himself and Elara. As he made his way to the cottage door, he waited for her to open it, before kangaroo and human, quietly walked out on the patio together.

Elara, her shoulders slumping, sat down on the chair, Noel lying on the other side of the door, gazing out over the fields.

“Please," Elara began. “Just give us a little time. I need to talk to Alex and make sure he's okay. We'll... figure things out, but for a little while, please, let us have some space. It's a lot – for all of us – you included I imagine, to deal with."

Noel quietly grunted acquiescence. He dragged himself back to his feet, then giving a glance at Elara, he hopped off the verandah and a few paces away, before he turned and looked back at her, his pain writ large in his body language.

“Promise me..." Elara called out, as she stood and looked at him.

“I... promise - “ Noel replied, his breath beginning to fog. “I will stay close, you know where I'll be when you're ready for me..."

“I... remember - “ Elara spoke quietly before she lifted a hand and returned inside, closing the door behind her.

*

Inside, Elara leaned back against the door with a heavy sigh. Her cottage, once a haven of warmth and familial comfort, now held the echoes of a reunion marked by tension and heartache.

With another sigh, Elara wiped her cheeks and eyes, trying to compose herself as best she could. She walked a dozen paces to the bedroom door, then timidly knocked, mindful of how sensitive Alex's hearing was.

“Come - “ Becky's voice answered.

Elara paused, before she opened the door, finding Becky cuddling a twitching and sobbing Alex, stroking his chest. Glancing at Becky with an appreciative look, Elara quietly closed the door and then moved towards the bed. Becky held a finger against her lips, then looked down at Alex, who in his tormented, exhausted slumber, made quiet grunts, clicks, and trembles.

“He's...exhausted - “ Becky whispered, continuing to lightly stroke him. “Elara – is..."

Elara sat carefully on the end of the bed, shaking her head slowly. “He's gone, but I know where to find him – when we're ready. Becky – I'm...sorry, I never knew... I should have been more considerate, of your feelings and especially... Alex's. I know how sensitive his soul is, it's always been like that.

Becky paused in her gentle caresses, then looking down, she spoke quietly. “Elara... I'm scared – how... how much can a kangaroo bear? Hasn't he suffered enough already? Being... changed – like he is now, now this... I don't know much, but I've been reading on my phone, I'm scared Elara, more than you probably know – have you ever heard of cardiomyopathy? It's deadly – brought on through extreme stress and..."

Elara shook her head. “I know a little, but he's stronger than you think. Thank you – for everything. I appreciate your understanding and compassion, truly, I do. I need to talk to Alex about what just happened. I want him to know that we're here for him, both of us, no matter what."

Becky gently disengaged from Alex, who was now in a troubled slumber – but as she lay his head down on the bed, he didn't wake. She moved to the other side of the bed, giving Elara space to sit beside her son. Elara didn't have Alex's sense of smell, but the wet coverlet beneath her spoke volumes of itself.

Gently, Elara reached out, lightly touching Alex's fur. His ears twitched, a sign that he was still sleeping, probably processing the events that had unfolded. Elara leaned down, then breathed delicately against his twitching ear, speaking his name. “Alex, wake up, love. We need to talk."

Alex stirred, going from tormented slumber, to wide awake, uttering a startled cough, before blinking and shivering. He looked around, in that nervous way kangaroo's had before he deeply shivered and fully came awake. He looked up through his eyelashes at Elara, his eyes filled with vulnerability and confusion.

“...o...momma..." He grunted, then shook his head as if trying to sweep the fog away. “Mom..."

Elara nodded, her heart aching for the pain she saw in his eyes. “Yes, it's me. I need to talk to you, alright? I know this will hurt, but whatever happens – know that I love you, and Becky does as well, don't you?"

Becky nodded, then realized he couldn't see her before she lightly stroked his hip reassuringly.

“..on't...no..." Alex growled.

“Alex, stop it. You're not a child, so, please – listen to me. I know, believe me, my son, I know – you're scared, hurt, and confused. So am I – I never thought... I would see him again, now, he's back and... we've got to talk, not as mother and son – but as two grown, mature adults."

Alex twisted his head, looking back at Becky, but other than a look of sympathy and a gentle stroking, she remained quiet.

“I wish it hadn't happened - “ Elara began, caressing Alex's twitching cheek, smoothing down his whiskers. “I want you to understand, so please – listen to me..."

Alex sniffled, closing his eyes as he laid his head on Elara's lap, yet his ears twitched as she began to explain everything to him...

She spoke most of the night, sometimes having to pause to dry her eyes, or blow her nose, as she spoke from the heart. It was a story of the complexities of the relationship between the buck and her, how her hopes and dreams as she started down a journey of healing, trying to reforge bonds that had been all but severed over the intervening years...

TO BE CONTINUED...