FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The good thing about building a computer by yourself is that you can make it as cheap as you want. No need to have an Nvidia 9800GTX with one gigabyte GDDR3 memory if you're not a hardcore gamer. I wasn't one. If I did play games, it was usually for an hour or so and I played games like the Sims and stuff. So what I was aiming for was to build an all-round PC where I could play the occasional game, email, surf the web and to chat. And of course, to write... That was the most important... And even though I had a crappy paper round that didn't pay much, around two hundred dinar a month, I managed to save up a lot. And that's when I decided to buy components at a PC store to build my own rig. Of course, it took a couple of months and even though I really wanted those piercings, I decided I would wait to get them. Besides, I wasn't old enough to get them and I didn't think Catherine would've approved anyway if I asked her... But over the months, I managed to buy several components, like an AMD Sempron 2,7 gigahertz processor, an Asrock 939A8X-M motherboard, an ATI Radeon 9600 GT graphics card, two gigabyte Kingston RAM, a sixty gigabyte Western Digital harddrive, and a simple Samsung SATA DVD-writer. That may not look like much with today's standards but this rig was the shit back in two thousand and five. The only thing that was missing was a good power supply unit. I figured with the components I had, I had to get a power supply unit of at least four hundred watts. And Simon said that we might have one left on the attic, with all the tinkering he did for friends and relatives. Whenever he was upgrading a computer for a friend or relative, he saved the components he removed for just such an occasion. Then Simon would build another one from those saved components and gave it away to whoever needed it. He did it as a hobby and ever since I've known him, I saw him building and everything. His passion for computers was contagious to me at a young age and it's something I took over from him. So I always helped him whenever I could so this wouldn't be the first time for me building a new PC.

The power supply unit was the last thing I needed before I could build this awesome rig. And of course, I could´ve build it and saved the PSU for last but hey, where's the fun in that? So I waited to build it until I found the PSU. But that wasn't so easy... I seemed to forget that the attic was a mess... A terrible mess... I've been here many times before in search of a PSU but to no avail. And this time, I was determined to find it, looking in every corner, every box. I think I've been up the attic for at least an hour to search but every time, I got distracted by different stuff. Old clothes, boxes I had to sniff around in, old toys, plushies and stuff. But still no PSU. And at some point, I stumbled over a box I didn't see. Old and dusty... It said "photo albums" on the left side, written with a permanent marker pen and when I opened it up, there were a lot of old dusty photo albums inside... I picked one and flipped through the pages while I sat on the floor... I've seen pictures of Simon when he was a cub and his dad tinkering on motorbikes... Family pictures... Grandma Jaisyaram with aunt Isabelle cooking... Pictures of Christmas, new years eve... And Simon, making out with a beautiful feline woman on a motorcycle...

'Did you find what you were looking for?'

I looked up and noticed Catherine standing in the doorway, looking at me for a moment and made her way through all the mess holding a laundry basket...

'No, I haven't. I got distracted by photo-albums.'

'Ah, I see. I haven't seen those in ages.' she said with a smile.

'Who was this girl on the motorcycle Simon is making out with?'

'You don't know who that is?'

'No?'

'Take a good look.'

I did but... Couldn't see who it was after staring at it for a while...

'I really don't know.'

'That's me.' Catherine said with a smile...

'What? That's you...?'

'Yes, hihi...'

'Wow... How old were you back then...?'

'I think I was twenty three years old back then.'

'Is that Simon's motorcycle you're sitting on?'

'Nope... That was mine...'

'What?! You drove a motorcycle? For real?'

'Yeah. It's hard to imagine, isn't it? Hehehe... I used to own a Moto Guzzi Eldorado. Quite the noisemaker... The engine was music to my ears... I think Simon loved that bike more then he did me at the time.'

'Wow... Why didn't you keep it...? I mean, why aren't you driving a motorcycle anymore?'

'It became too expensive when I lost my job during college and I also had to pay my studies. I did find a new job but the money I earned wasn't enough to keep the bike. I haven't been on a motorcycle since I had to get rid of it...'

'Would you still be able to drive one?'

'Oh yes, it's like a riding a bicycle. It'll always stay with you...'

Catherine puts her laundry basket down on the floor and sat next to me to watch the photo-albums together. And at some point, I saw a picture of Catherine in a beautiful white casual dress... And I couldn't help but to notice how beautiful she looked when she was younger...

'Wow... Where was this one taken?'

'This? Hm... Oh yes, this one was taken at aunt Isabelle's wedding.'

'You look so pretty...'

'Hihi...'

'Don't you ever miss those days? I mean, driving a motorcycle and everything?'

'Most definitely. But I guess those days are gone now.'

It stayed silent for a moment as Catherine picked a different photo-album and slowly flipped through each page. Every now and then, she looks at a photo and I saw her smile. And it felt strange you know... I've known Catherine for years now but it felt as if I hardly knew her at all, even though she's my adoptive mother... All she ever did was to put me in first place, no matter how difficult it got. And even though my relationship with Catherine wasn't so great as it once used to be, I still love her to bits... But what got me was when she flipped the page and saw pictures of her daughter Kaelyn... And she was beautiful, like Catherine always said she was... Catherine kept staring at the picture of her holding Kaelyn for a long time... She has pictures of Kaelyn on her nightstand, in the living room... But after all these years, she still had a hard time with her loss...

'She would be around the same age as you by now...'

'Heh...'

'I've always wanted a daughter...'

'She still is, you know...'

'I know... Simon and I wanted to have a little kitten of our own and to adopt another...'

'So... What made you choose me...?'

'The moment we first saw you, we knew we wanted you to have in our family. You looked so adorable with those big cyan eyes and those freckles on your little muzzle...'

'Hehe...'

'Look, sweetheart... Do you still remember this...?'

She showed me a photo of me when I was young. And I remember it... It was the day I first met Simon's family... I remember I was scared and timid when I was in the spotlights like that but they've been very kind and friendly to me ever since they first saw me...

'That's when grandma gave mister Puffles to me that day...'

'Do you still have him?'

'Yeah, of course! I keep him in my closet.'

'You used to drag him along everywhere we went. You couldn't sleep without him.'

'I'm a little too old to be sleeping with a plushie now.

'Hehehe...'

'By the way, who came up with the name mister Puffles? Was it me?'

'Grandma did.'

' Wow... It feels so long ago even though it's only been eight years ago...'

'And we still have many more years to come...'

'Heh... Was there anything peculiar about me when I was young...?'

'You were just a very sweet little cub with a lot of imagination and fantasy. Always curious, fun loving and out exploring with Blain.'

'Hehehehe...'

'You used to climb in the curtains when Blain taught you how to climb.'

'I did?'

'Oh yes, you've ruined a few curtains with those little claws of yours...'

'And you weren't happy with that, of course.'

'No, not really. But I couldn't stay mad at you. You'd look at me with those big eyes and well... I just melted away whenever you did that.'

'Hihi...'

'Simon even caught you trying to push a peanut-butter sandwich in the VCR one time.'

'Hahaha! A peanut-butter sandwich?! In the VCR?!'

'Yes! You always loved peanut-butter but made an absolute mess of yourself whenever you tried to eat.'

'It's quite sticky to the mouth, you know...'

'Well, you've always been quite the eater, that I can tell. Always sneaking off to grandma's kitchen.'

'But she always lets me taste!'

'And everyone else who tries to taste gets smacked with a spatula.'

When Catherine flipped the page, I saw pictures of Blain and me when we were young and care free... Pictures of us playing, climbing trees and there's even one where we were holding each other's hands at the lake in the park...

'Awww... Would you look at this...'

'Heh...'

'The two of you were inseparable back then...'

'Yeah... Blain and I go way back...'

'Is there something going on between the two of you lately...?'

'What do you mean?'

'You've been hanging out together a lot recently...' she said with a cheeky smile...

'Noooooo... Just catching up on old times, that's all...'

'Heh...'

'Cath... I know what you're thinking... I know what it did to you when you heard the news... It wasn't his choice; I made him do it back then... Don't hold it against him...'

'It wasn't your fault, sweetheart...'

'I know... But... Blain has always been good to me... He's always been a good friend... Despite everything, we're still good friends... I don't want you to worry about it anymore... I can take good care of myself...'

'I trust you when you say you can, sweetheart...'

What I was referring to was that Blain and I were humping each other years ago in his bedroom and we got busted... Unintentionally, I gave them the impression that something happened during the war that made me act like that... But it wasn't during the war... It was something else that made me act like that, believing that love, affection and friendship is associated with sex... But I never told them and up to this day, they still don't know... It's better for them to believe that I was raped during the war rather to tell them the truth... A wise man once said that ignorance is bliss... But nonetheless, Catherine and Simon had a hard time dealing with it... Years ago, I heard Catherine crying at night and talking to Simon about it... And I felt guilty that they thought something that wasn't the truth... But out of pure shame, I never told them the truth...

It stayed silent for a long while Catherine and I were flipping the pages of the photo-albums we were holding. It was so great to see it... It made me believe that despite all of their ups and downs that they've had wonderful lives... The two of us were just sitting there for a long time, watching pictures while Catherine shared stories... But at some point, Catherine noticed the time...

'My goodness, five o'clock. I really need to make dinner. Simon will be home any minute.'

'Want me to help you with anything?'

'No, it's fine. I just need the hang up the laundry to dry.'

When Catherine got up, she picked up her laundry basket and tried to make her way to the clothes rack in the mess... She almost stumbled over something and placed her laundry basket down... She moved boxes and stuff apart to clear the way for her and well, she wasn't too happy about the fact that Simon made a mess out of the attic and never seemed to clean it up... At some point, she holds up something that looked very familiar... And I couldn't believe it at first...

'Would you look at this mess?! Simon really need to get his things sorted out!'

And the moment she wanted to toss that thing aside, I quickly jumped up...

'No! Don't throw it away! I need that!'

'Is this what you've been looking for all along?'

'Yes! That's the PSU I was talking about!'

When she handed it over to me, I held it close for finally having it in my possession... Finally I was able to complete my awesome rig... But my bubble was shattered to pieces when I looked at the side and noticed the specifications...

'Oh, damn it...'

'What is it?'

'It's only a crappy three hundred and fifty watt PSU...'

'So?'

'It wouldn't be enough to power it... Shit...'

'You'll just have to wait another week then...'

'I guess...'

And with that in mind, I made my way downstairs to the living room. And well, I was kinda disappointed and frustrated to say the least... And once I flopped down in the lounge chair and turned the TV on, I felt that I was being watched... And when I looked to my right, I noticed that Rocko, my little budgie was staring at me. So I opened his cage and he immediately hopped out. He looked around for a moment and then flew towards me, landing on the arm rest of the chair. He was waggling around until he hopped on my hand... And when I brought him closer, he hopped on my muzzle, gently pecking my fur...

'Hey there, lil' buddy...'

Samantha and I were always hanging out whenever we could. But of course, Samantha had a life of her own. Even though I wanted her to be around me twenty four seven, it just wasn't possible. She had her own friends too... But I also had another friend I was trying to hang out with as much as possible. Blain had a girlfriend at the time, Rachel, so I couldn't spend much time with him as much as I wanted. And I've always had mixed feelings about his relationship... His girlfriend always thought that he was cheating on her or something by hanging out with me even though nothing happened between the two of us. But despite that, we didn't really care about what she was thinking...

On a Saturday morning, I received a phone call from Blain and asked if I wanted to hang out with him for the day, seeing as his girlfriend Rachel was spending the day with her mother and her sister and the evening with her own friends by going out. So of course, when Blain called, I immediately said yes and we hanged around in town. I took him to Giuseppe's where we had his delicious Dame Blanches and shopped around for clothes. He was alone in the house seeing as his parents were on vacation and his sister moved out of the house well over a year ago so the poor thing was all alone. So I decided I'd stay with him. But of course, we also had dinner to make. While we were in town, we did groceries and tried to come up with something easy to make. It proved to be anything but easy...

'I think that's everything.'

'What does the cookbook say?'

"Cook sausage, ground beef, onion, and garlic over medium heat until well browned. Stir in crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, tomato sauce, and water. Season with sugar, basil, fennel seeds, seasoning, one tablespoon salt, pepper, and two tablespoons parsley. Simmer, covered, for about one and a half hours, stirring occasionally."

'We already did that bit.'

'Oh. "To assemble, spread one and a half cups of meat sauce in the bottom of a nine by thirteen inch baking dish. Arrange six noodles lengthwise over meat sauce. Spread with one half of the ricotta cheese mixture. Top with a third of mozzarella cheese slices. Spoon one and a half cups meat sauce over mozzarella, and sprinkle with one fourth cup Parmesan cheese. Repeat layers, and top with remaining mozzarella and Parmesan cheese. Cover with foil: to prevent sticking, either spray foil with cooking spray, or make sure the foil does not touch the cheese."

'So uh... Where's the baking dish?'

'Uhm... Good question, Cey...'

It took us a while, but eventually, we found it and we followed the instructions on the package. The lasagna looked as if it was carved by angels and even though it was far from finished, looking at it made me quite hungry...

'It's a masterpiece... I never did this before, you know.'

'It took a long time but it'll be worth it.'

'What's next?'

"Bake in preheated oven for twenty five minutes on two hundred and twenty degrees Celsius. Remove foil, and bake an additional twenty five minutes. Cool for fifteen minutes before serving."

'Sounds easy enough.'

'Alright, let's bake this sucker.'

And we waited for about half an hour... When we finally heard the cooking timer ringing, we both went into the kitchen to gaze upon our masterpiece. And the moment Blain opened the oven, well... The lasagna looked... Very strange...

'What the hell?! It's all black and yellow!'

'It's supposed to be two hundred and twenty degrees Celsius, right?'

'Yeah! The oven feels hot... It's the right temperature.'

'Oh no...'

'What?'

'Blain! You've selected grill instead of oven! Our lasagna got grilled!'

'Oh for fucks sake...'

'Maybe we can still save it.'

'I don't know if you've seen that thing but I'm not gonna eat that...'

'But we wasted three hours on this!!'

'Yeah...'

'Damn it...'

Well, it looked diseased to say the least... And Blain was right. I wasn't intending to eat it after I saw how it turned out... We looked at the dish for a while as I heard our stomachs rumbling... And at some point, Blain looked at me...

'So uh... You're up for pizza?'

'Yeah, sure, why not.'

'Pizza it is, then.'

Whenever you're waiting for something that you want the most, time always seems to go too slow. And that was exactly the case when we waited for our pizza. Half an hour after Blain made the call, a young guy got to the door and delivered our piece of heaven in a box and I really had to try my best not to snatch it from his hands. And after Blain slammed the door in his face, after paying of course, we went to his living room where we could enjoy our pizza's. As always, I had the shoarma topping with garlic sauce. Blain wasn't intending to go on a culinary trip and decided to be boring with his everlasting pepperoni. Nevertheless, I think I broke my own record in eating a pizza... I finished mine while Blain was half way his. But having satisfied my appetite, I started to feel a little drowsy...i

After we had our dinner, Blain and I discussed what we could do for the evening, seeing as it was only seven o'clock. The Chronicles of Narnia was playing in the theatres back then and we really wanted to see it but the movie wouldn't start until eleven o'clock in the evening. So we had some time to kill. And we did that by doing something I truly sucked at...

'We're gonna do this one by the book, I'll try to force him off the road.'

'All units, be advised, pursuit has escalated to condition four. Repeat, condition four.'

'We are hovering above the target vehicle. Is IC monitoring this? Right, we don't want to do anything until their online.'

'Stay on the edges as you approach the road-block. Ten-fifty seven placed in the center lane.'

'Roadblock didn't work, suspect just flew by me!'

'NVA, NVA! My unit's done!'

'He just rammed some traffic!'

'Get on him, get on him, get on him!!'

The BMW M3 GTR sustained a lot of damage as it tried to evade the long arm of the law. More police vehicles arrived at the scene to pin down its desperate driver. He didn't have a chance the moment he made a crucial mistake and crashed against the concrete barriers of the freeway. When the helicopter arrived, it was all over for him...

'Central, this is Bravo two-nine, suspect is in custody.'

'Copy that, Bravo two-nine, suspect is in custody.'

I looked at Blain and he rolled his eyes and sighed in annoyance...

'I can't believe it! You just got my BMW confiscated! You only played for like, five minutes!'

'Hehehe... Sorry...'

'You suck at race games...'

Blain hooked up his Playstation 2 to the huge flatscreen TV in the living-room so that we could play Need for Speed: Most Wanted. Needless to say, I sucked at it... The moment I crashed into oncoming traffic, I had the police swarming all over me and the game ended only several minutes after I started playing... Blain glared at me and loaded his save game where I started off so that he had his BMW back. He told me to watch how it's done and he was taunting the police by deliberately crashing into a police cruiser on patrol. I'm not impressed by someone who shows of their awesome gaming skills but he had fun nonetheless... Evading roadblocks, helicopters, spike-strips and pretty much everything that was thrown at him in an attempt to arrest him. A couple of moments later, I heard the doorbell ring and he looked up surprised. I didn't think he expected visitors or something so he paused the game and opened the door. And I immediately recognized that annoying voice... The conversation that followed started normally but quickly turned into a heated one... And that's when I knew for sure that it was his girlfriend Rachel at the door... It seemed as if they were having a fight or something... But of course, I couldn't just sit there and do nothing... I wasn't sure what I was gonna do but... I had to do something... I always had to do something whenever Blain was facing difficulties... So I slowly made my way towards the hallway and peeked around the corner... And I saw that Rachel was standing in the hallway, causing such a scene and walked through the door even though I can't recall that Blain asked her to come in. She started to call him names and was angry at him for no apparent reason and even though I had no idea what the fuzz was about, their fight was serious... And when Blain raised his voice and started to call her names too, she hit him... Rachel actually hit him in the face and I just couldn't believe what I just witnessed... Blain looked away from her and didn't say anything while she just kept calling him names... And that's when I knew I had to do something... The moment she raised her hand to hit him again, I firmly grabbed her wrist... Rachel didn't expect that for sure and looked up to me surprised while I looked her straight in her eyes...

'Blain might not hit a girl but I wouldn't hesitate to beat the shit out of you if you hit him again.'

'But you... He...'

'Keep talking, I'm sure that some day, you'll say something intelligent...'

'You don't think I know what the two of you are doing?! It's not a coincidence that you're here now that his parents are on vacation! Do you think I'm stupid or something?!'

'Do you want me to answer that last question truthfully...?'

'Gaah!! This is so unfair! You're such a bastard, Blain!'

'Go home, Rachel... He doesn't want you here...'

'Fine then!! I hope the two of you are gonna be real happy together!! It's over between us!!'

And with that, she got out the door and walked down the street while I watched how she left... "She's a fucking lunatic..." It all looked like some dramatic soap series or something and I just couldn't help but to smile on how stupid everything just was... But Blain wasn't looking at me but walked right passed me back to the living room. And while he passed by me, I noticed his muzzle was scratched and bleeding a little... My smile got wiped off of my face after seeing that... I got back to the living room where Blain turned his Playstation off and just watched some TV while looking depressed... I got to his kitchen, took a couple of tissues and made it wet... Then I got back to him and I sat next to him but he wasn't looking at me... And it stayed silent for a moment while I was cleaning his cuts...

'Just say it, Ceylan...'

'What do you mean?'

'Just tell me how much of a pussy I am for not telling Rachel...'

'She shouldn't have hit you...'

'Hit me? Clawed me was more like it... Ow, it stings...'

'Hold still, sweetheart...'

'She fucking clawed me in the face...'

'Did she really mean what she said...?'

'What...?'

'That it's over between the two of you...? I mean, I feel responsible...'

'She says that all the time but she always comes around... It got a little out of hand this time, though...'

'A little...?'

'She's a great girl whenever she's not having a fit... I just don't like the fights we're having all the time and it only seems to get worse... I mean... Did you and Sarah ever have any fights...?'

'No, we never had... Then again, our relationship only lasted several months while you and Rachel are together for quite some time now...'

'One and a half year... It's long, you know... I just don't know how to make things work between us anymore...'

'Hehe... My relationships never last long, Blain... All that ever came out of it was hurt which is why I'm better off alone... So... I'm not the one you should seek advice from...'

'I just figured that you know the answer to everything, like you always do...'

'Heh...'

'Sometimes, I think that you're more of a big sister to me than a friend...'

'That's very sweet of you to say...'

'Heh... And uh... Being with you makes me happy...'

'Why's that...?'

'Because you're the best friend I've ever had... You used to stand up for me whenever someone bullied me...'

'So did you whenever I got bullied...'

'Yeah but... I was always scared, you know? I'm just so sick and tired of being scared all the time and that people walk all over me...'

'You don't think I'm scared...? I'm scared too sometimes, Blain... I just don't show that I am... If people see that, they'll walk all over you...'

'But sometimes, I think you hide your feelings way too much... You shouldn't do that...'

'What feelings...?'

'You used to smile way more often then you do now... I rarely see you smile nowadays...'

'Heh... If only I had a reason to smile... There, you're all set...'

'Thanks...'

The tissues had some small blood stains on it but now that it was all clean, I had a good look at his cuts. The scratches weren't as deep as it looked now that his muzzle was clean. I went to the kitchen and threw the tissues in the garbage bin but when I got back, Blain still looked very miserable... So I gave him a firm cuddle and whispered in his ear that everything would be alright... And he just looked at me with those big blue eyes of his...

'I've always had a huge crush on you, you know...'

'You did...?'

'Yeah... I uh... I-I can't believe I just told you that...'

'Why...?'

'B-Because... I uh...'

'Why'd you never tell me...?'

'It wouldn't have mattered anyway... I mean, look at you... You're smart, you're beautiful, and you're a lot of fun... And I'm just... Heh... You can have anyone you want... I'd never stand a chance with a girl like you... Whenever I fall in love with a girl, she's either way out of my league or mentally instable...'

'Hehehehe... You look good, Blain... You just lack a little self-confidence, that's all...'

'I know...'

'Did you really mean that...?'

'Yeah... Because I really like you... And... I just wished that...'

'Blain... There are several things you need to know about me... You're not the only one with a low self esteem... I have that too, really, which is why I don't believe in a relationship... I told you what happened over the years... And it's not that I don't trust you but it's just the idea that makes me feel uncomfortable... After everything that happened, I've got zero tolerance for males, you know... And every guy who tries to hit on me gets on my bad side... It's different with you because I know you for so long... You're the only male friend I have... And it's not that I don't have my crushes on males but I feel that it would never work out which is why you'll never see me having a relationship with a male... I guess I just developed a preference for girls... And even with girls I'm very cautious... I want to have someone of my own to love more than anything... But the truth is, it's always been difficult for me and always will be... Don't get me wrong... I really like you too, Blain... You're a very sweet and sensitive guy... But... I think it's best for the both of us if we just stayed friends...'

'Oh... I'm sorry...'

'Don't be sorry... It's okay... You just need a little self confidence, and then you can have anyone you want... I just wish there were more people like you...'

To tell you the truth, I absolutely felt dreadful after breaking it down to him like that... Being bullied for years made him so fragile and insecure about himself... But even though the bullying stopped years ago, he was still suffering from it... He used to be fat and short but then puberty started to kick in and he grew taller... He looks handsome, I can tell you that... But his personality never changed over the years, being the shy, timid boy that he was... I can honestly tell you that I had a hard time denying him because I've always felt something for him as well... I didn't know if it was love, but I knew what I felt was real... I didn't know what my feelings were for him which caused me to be so insecure about it... And maybe that's the reason why I wasn't seeing him for such a long time... But that evening, I was glad we were seeing each other again... Because it made me realize what I was missing... There were so many things that I didn't know but what I knew for certain was that I needed him as a friend... And those feelings went a little deeper than that, just how it happened with Samantha... I still wasn't sure what caused me to have those feelings... And even though those feelings made me feel a little uncomfortable, I still felt I needed it more than anything else... And if Samantha and I could make this work, then maybe Blain and I could make this work as well...

'Blain...?'

'Yes...?'

'I don't want you to think that I don't have feelings for you... I'm just not sure what it means...'

'What do you mean...?'

'I told you everything that happened over the years... Why you never see me around guys and why I never had a relationship with one...'

'I know...'

'And I need to be honest against you, now more then ever... I owe you that after everything that happened... And I'd like to ask you something... And I'd like to ask you that you don't think of me any different when I do...'

'Go on...'

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment... How was I supposed to bring it to him...? That I just want the same I have with Samantha...? It all sounds so easy when you think logically about it but it's a lot harder and confusing when you live with it. And even though I wanted it, I still wasn't so sure about it...

'I have a friend, called Samantha...'

'You've mentioned her before, yeah...'

'Hm-mm... And uh... She's beautiful and I fell in love with her a while ago...'

'You did? That's uh... That's great...'

'It turned out that she has bi-curious tendencies and well... She wanted to know what its like to be with a girl... Her feelings aren't the same for me as I have for her... But... Sam and I are each other's mates...'

'What do you mean...?'

'We're close friends of each other... And sometimes, we're more than just friends... Sometimes, we're lovers...'

'Does that mean that-'

'Please, stop interrupting, Blain... Let me finish... It's already difficult enough to tell you...'

'Okay...'

'She came up with the idea to have an open relationship. Which means we get to see other people as well... It's just a way for her to explore those feelings of her... And maybe mine as well... We had a couple of fights about it and there was some miscommunication about it but in the end, we were open, honest and straight about everything that was bothering us. And so far, we managed to make it work. I can honestly tell you that I feel great about it... We have a relationship with each other whenever we see fit...'

'So... Why are you telling me this...?'

'Because I want the same with you, Blain...'

Well, that certainly surprised him... I couldn't help but to smile at him after I saw his reaction, staring at me with those big blue eyes... I thought it was very sweet... He never expected to hear that from me...

'Yeah b-but why me? I-I mean...'

'You know why... You've always been there for me... And I know what I've been missing when you weren't around...'

'I-I'm sorry whenever I wasn't b-but...'

'It's not your fault, Blain... Mostly mine... And I want to set things right...'

'What am I supposed to say...?'

'I don't expect you to say anything at the moment...'

'Wow...'

'Hihi...'

'So uh... Does that mean that Samantha and you also, uh...'

'Yes sweetheart, that also means that Sam and I have sex together...'

'O-Oh, wow... Uh...'

'Sam and I did everything very slowly and just went along until it just happened... I want to, I really do... But I just want everything to happen slowly... I want to talk about everything that is bothering us and I trust you to do so...'

'I never expected anything like this from you, you know...'

'I know...'

'So, uh... You want to talk about this or...'

'Sure, let's talk...'

Blain asked me a lot of questions that evening... And I answered every question he had truthfully... At first, the questions started out innocent like how I met her and what Sam's age was but slowly but steady, we reached the point how our relationship started. How our first time together was. And how it all involved from something that seemed so innocent to something that was so real... Each and every time I answered a question, he was just listening with an open mouth and those big eyes whenever he was shocked to hear something... But I had no secrets for him... And at some point, I figured that I told him everything and that I wanted to know about his love and sex life... And so I asked...

'Does Rachel take good care of you?'

'Hm?'

'In bed...?'

'Oh! Uh... Yeah, sometimes, whenever she's in the mood...'

'Do you enjoy her...?'

'Yeah...'

'Come on, Blain, gimme some juicy details...'

'Well, what am I supposed to say?'

'Does she give you blowjobs or do you like to go down on her or...'

'She rarely gives me a blowjob and I go on down on her all the time...'

'Does Rachel like it when you do?'

'Yeah, I guess... I think so...'

'You think so? Sweetie, when you go down on a girl, you need to know for sure whether she likes it or not...'

'I guess...'

'You don't talk about sex, do you?'

'Nope...'

'But we do...'

'Ceylan...? I've uh... I've got a question...'

'Yes...?'

'If we do this... Does that also mean that you, uh... want to sleep with me...?'

Now that was a question I wasn't so sure on how to answer... To be short, yes... I wanted to... But still, there was something that held me back... But I just thought that when I felt it was right to do so, I'd do it... But not yet... Not just yet...

'Yes... If we take things slowly, I think it'll happen eventually...'

'W-Wow...'

'Why, does that make you nervous...?'

'Kinda... I-I mean... I just don't think I'd be doing a great job at it...'

'You'll do fine... Trust me... It'll come, Blain...'

'Heh...'

The poor thing was so surprised by that... Imagine me, fucking him... That must've been quite the shock... Maybe he just never expected that for him, sleeping with me was gonna be somewhat easy... But I figured I'd take it the same way as I did with Samantha... Just to wait to see if it was going to be taken seriously by him... With Samantha, it was a lot more difficult because of all the miscommunications we had... It all turned out well in the end but I felt that it was pretty straight forward and crystal clear with Blain of what we both wanted... To take away the uncomfortable feelings didn't proved to be as difficult as it was with Samantha... Because Blain is a boy... And even though I had very little experience with boys, I knew that they only had one thing on their minds whenever they were with a girl at his age... I just had to take away the doubt and the hesitations and to make him feel comfortable about everything if we wanted to make this work... A part of me wanted to know what it was like... And something else wanted me to make him feel good... To make him want me... And when he was cuddling with me on the couch that evening, I started to think while it stayed silent for a long time... Would he mind if I did...? Would he like it...? And if I did, does that mean it would've taken away his hesitations and insecurities...? Maybe... And I figured that there was only one way to find out... While he was cuddling me, I kissed his cheeks... He got down on the couch with his head on my belly while I caressed his short spiky black hair... And my hand made his way down his crotch... He looked straight at me with those big blue eyes again while I just smiled down on him...

'W-What are you doing...?'

'This is just an intake, Blain... Just for me to know for sure of what we're getting ourselves into... Just relax...'

That little lump in his pants started to swell to something much bigger... And when I slowly unbuttoned his jeans, his boxershorts was just bulging... I never really explored a guy with my hands before... So I just touched it, just to feel what it was like... To feel his balls and to feel it swelling in my hand... It was as if a whole new world opened up for me... When I pulled his boxershorts down, his penis just popped out in a semi erect state... And it was actually kind of funny to watch it grow... I slowly caressed his fuzzy balls and the shaft of his penis... I didn't know if it was big or small for a guy of his age but it didn't really matter... But seeing it was a little strange though... The moment I slowly started to jerk him off, he closed his eyes...

'This is as far as I'll go for now...'

'Can I, uh...'

'Squeeze my titties...? Feel my pussy...?'

'Uh... Yeah...?'

'No, you can't... Not just yet... All in due time, sweetheart...'

'Heh...'

'Did you ever had naughty thoughts about me, Blain...?'

He opened his eyes and looked very embarrassed after I asked him... Nevertheless, he didn't answered my question which gave me the impression that he did masturbated while he was thinking of me... And it made me feel special... Needless to say, I also had naughty thoughts about him... Very rarely though, but I did... Masturbating him on the couch was something that made me see everything entirely different... And I enjoyed pleasing him that way... And so did he... This was just the beginning of everything... And maybe, a whole new world opened up for him as well... Knowing that I would take good care of him, teaching him on how to please a girl... And me, on how to please a guy... There were so many things I wanted to try out with him just to see what it was like... But I figured I shouldn't rush things... It'll all come eventually...

My hand got a little wet from giving him a hand job... Every now and then I squeezed it a little and changed the pace... And at some point, I noticed some thick white fluid coming out of the tip of penis... He didn't reached an orgasm just yet... But after I saw that, I started to jerk him off faster and that's when he reached his orgasm... He ejaculated and it was kind of funny to see... It looked like a fountain or something, with his sperm squirting upwards... And landed on the couch and his jeans... And that's when I let go of him, and watched how his penis got smaller... He was panting and breathing his lungs out... It only took ten minutes or something for him to reach his climax... If I was able to reach orgasm within ten minutes, I'd be one happy girl... But still... It took a couple of moments for him to recover... All he did was to smile at me and well... I helped him to clean up the mess... I washed my hands and noticed the time... The movie would start in an hour so we better had to hurry if we still wanted to see it...

Blain and I made it to the movies in time and watched The Chronicles of Narnia together. We had a great time with each other and went for a drink and a bite to eat at around half passed two in the morning in town. When we got home again, I stood in front of him with my arms around his shoulder and looked down on him... He's not little; I'm just really tall... And he looked up to me with those big blue eyes of his and well... I couldn't help myself... I just melted away when I saw those eyes of his... So I gently pressed my lips against his... And for him, it was totally unexpected but to me, it felt right to let him know I loved him dearly... He kissed me back nevertheless... And I watched how he made his way to the door... Just before he closed it, he looked at me and smiled, knowing that everything would be different from now on for the two of us... As soon as he closed the door, I smiled and got inside my house... And I went to bed with a smile on my face that Saturday night...

Blain and I always had a bit of a special bond together. We both got bullied when we were younger. He was bullied because he was short and fat and I got bullied because I was a foreigner with a weird accent. Nevertheless, we stood up for each other and made it through together and our friendship became unbreakable, even when things didn't went so well between the two of us during the most difficult period of my life. But now, I felt as if it had to happen in order for our friendship to become unbreakable. Things were going to a whole new level for the two of us, just to show him of much he meant to me... And I thought I would show him the only way I ever learned... Rachel always was jealous whenever he was hanging out with me while she never had a reason to. So I figured I'd give her a reason to be jealous of... But all in due time... When it all felt right to do so...