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Chapter 23: Why Do You Curse Me?

Faelen kept his paws on Liam's shoulders after his confession, watching Liam's eyes. They quickly flickered through several emotions: happiness, love, hope, pain, and then fear. The fear was the last emotion; it stayed until Liam squashed his feelings again. "I thank you, Faelen, but we must hurry if we are to catch the bus to get to our reservation on time."

He went to turn to leave, but Faelen held him still, "Not until I get at least a quick hug. I won't ask you to say anything." Liam gave him a soft smile, his eyes saying that if he did get a hug, it'd be neither quick nor just a hug. The look vanished and Liam shrugged Faelen's paws off his shoulders. He quickly walked to the stairs. Faelen flipped up the cloth on the painting, "I would love it if you finished this. If you didn't want to keep it, I'd like to buy it for Da's birthday." He stared in awe at it some more.

Liam didn't look back, "I'm going, Dad. Say 'hi' to Lao for me." Faelen noticed Liam's clothes, that Chinese style again, but grey with green trim and buttons.

Walter ran downstairs and gave Liam a one armed hug, "Have fun, Liam. Be careful, but let yourself relax a bit. You're too tense. I hope to see you around more, Faelen." He had his phone in his paw; he was still working.

"I hope to be around more, sir." He cast an oblique glance at Liam. Liam's back was noticeably stiff.

"We must go." Liam walked swiftly out through the kitchen and down the hall, Faelen instinctively falling a half length behind Liam, on his left side. Faelen closed the door behind him, and Liam set off at a brisk pace. It was just slightly slower than the one Geoff usually set. Liam ran down to the school and reached the bus stop two minutes before the bus arrived, he hadn't said anything else. Faelen remained silent as he watched Liam's body language. He was fighting himself over something, and Faelen would wager it was about him. He knew Liam would've much preferred it if Faelen hadn't seen the painting or said that he loved him. It put more pressure on Liam to make a decision and much sooner than he'd prefer. "Faelen."

Faelen kept his tone and body language professional, "Yes, sir?"

"I am not Geoff-san."

"I am aware of that, sir."

"Do not make me hit you. Are we that similar to you? Do you love me because I am much like your employer, but not actually your boss?"

"No. You do remind me of him in some ways, but you're very different. You share many qualities that I find admirable, but you're more like me in other ways. Like the traits that I find really annoying in Geoff; how disorganized he can be, for one. I love you because you're very much like you. Even with all of your secrets and mysteries, I know I can trust you."

Faelen knew that he'd just hurt Liam again, the comments that made his love the happiest inflicted the worst pain. He just couldn't understand why. It was as if Liam didn't want to be happy, as if each time he felt happy he remembered something that hurt him. The bus pulled up, and Liam climbed onboard without saying anything.

They disembarked after the bus pulled up at the Mumford Terminal. Liam said, "The next bus will arrive in seven minutes. If we maintain the pace we had when went to catch the bus by the school we can reach the restaurant at nearly the same time, either way." He didn't look at Faelen as he spoke.

"I'm not dressed for running, but I prefer running to riding on a crowded bus." He took off his coat and long sleeved shirt. "How far is it?"

"It will take about forty minutes, depending on traffic. The bus will be greatly impeded by traffic, and even the rapid shuttle will need to make a few stops. As pedestrians we can take some of the quieter streets and a more direct routing. Please, do not take a deferential position as we travel; I find it disquieting."

"As you wish. I find it allows Geoff to think. You were lost in thought, and I didn't want to intrude."

"My apologies. I did not ask you to dine with me only to ignore you."

"I know. I'm... causing you some pain, and I want you to be able to work through it. Whether you choose to pursue a relationship, or not, is something I can't decide for you. I'll wait and listen to you, whenever you're ready to tell me. I'm patient." There was that pain again, carefully hidden, but Faelen could see it as surely as if Liam fell to the ground screaming. "I'm sorry. Let's go."

"Why are you apologizing?" Liam looked genuinely confused.

"My words hurt you again. I don't mean to; I don't really understand why I'm hurting you, but it isn't intentional." Faelen sighed, even being apologized to seemed to hurt him.

Liam set out, slightly faster than the first run, "Only Dad has ever been able to read me so well, but he is really bad at emotions. I will have to try harder." There was a trace of amusement in his voice.

Faelen grinned, "Sorry, but I have a lot of practice reading people. Since I've deciphered your unique mannerisms I can read you as easily as Geoff." Liam flinched slightly, "Do you really hate being compared to him that much?"

"Yes and no. We are similar, and I see qualities in him, that we share, that I do not like. We... set each other off, it appears. I also see things in him that I do like. He has incredible gifts and abilities that he does not seem to be aware of or work on developing. You do as well. That frustrates me."

"I do? Like what?"

"Your voice. Have you ever tried singing? Your reflexes and speed, you are the only one that has not mentioned a desire for martial arts training, even though that is one of the best things you could learn to better protect your charge. I have seen your doodles; do you draw or paint? You are incredibly intelligent, but you seem to ignore much of what goes on in school." Liam didn't look over at Faelen as he spoke; he actually looked away, slightly, at the houses they were passing.

Faelen chuckled, "Nathanial already gave me a lecture about my school work. He was really annoyed when he found out how little I put into it. I've promised to try harder at it. But singing or art? Why? I'm a bodyguard. They have nothing to do with me. As far as martial arts, if you don't accept Geoff, I won't have any time to learn. If you do, I can ask you then. You're watching me, anyway; you've already decided if I'm worthy or not. I'd love to learn, I've always wanted to take wrestling in school, but I can't. My duty wouldn't allow it."

"Kung Fu is not like Greco-Roman wrestling. Judo has some similarities, but that is not a style I've ever learned. You are precisely what I look for in a student; I would be honoured to teach you, even if I had to alter my schedule. Even if Geoff-san proves unworthy, I would find a way to teach you. I also recommend developing a creative outlet. I agree with the samurai belief that you cannot be a fulfilled person if you ignore part of your being. You must balance the growth of mind, body, and soul. Learning, physical training, and the arts. All are needed."

"That's why you paint?"

"It is one of my artistic forms of expression. Ink painting. I do not use actual paint. It is a balance between the simplicity of one colour and the complexity of the picture. I appreciate any art when it is well done, but this is a form that suits me."

"I'd like to hear you play one of those instruments sometime. If you play as well as you paint, you could be really famous."

"I do not seek fame or money. They are distractions. I could easily become rich or famous using but one out of several of my talents. It is not what I seek." Faelen looked at him for a minute, Liam was expecting him to ask the obvious, 'then what do you seek?', but he didn't seem to know how to answer it. He also looked like he didn't want Faelen to ask. Faelen just remained silent a little longer. Liam's voice was warm when he broke the silence, "You can read me very well, it seems. Thank you. I am careless in what I say around you. Around all of you, but you in particular."

Faelen smiled, "We're all like that. The four of us. We say things we've never told anyone ever before, without meaning to. Geoff has learned more about me in the last week than he has in the previous year. Or five years. I have people I'd actually call my friends for the first time. I've always been friendly with Geoff's friends, but they were Geoff's friends. Geoff has never been quick to open up to new people, but he'd fallen in love with Nathanial before lunch was over. We're also the first friends Nathanial has ever had. You aren't alone, Liam." His words seemed to deeply wound Liam, "Are you that afraid of not being alone?" Liam remained silent, lost in his internal struggle. Faelen fell back slightly and let him think; he kept a very close eye on the surroundings.

Faelen walked slowly away from Liam's door, trying to figure out what happened. He had let Liam think for most of their run to the restaurant. His date came out of his funk as they were crossing the Halifax Commons heading to Citadel Hill. Liam had apologized as they kept a steady pace over the springy grass of the open field of the Commons. Faelen played it down, knowing something was really eating him. They crossed the street and walked over Citadel Hill; the McDougal's had visited it in August, so it wasn't new to him. He still found it interesting. It wasn't like the old castles in Europe, but it was a really neat citadel. Old fortifications overlooking the harbour, cannon ready to bombard any enemy vessel that dared try to invade. Downtown Halifax kept a lot of the old buildings; he'd learned a lot of the original and oldest buildings were destroyed in a large munitions explosion during WWI, but it still reminded him of home. He didn't think a new country like Canada would have much history. Liam brought him to a Chinese restaurant and spoke to the staff in Chinese. They seemed delighted and... honoured to see Liam. Not the polite protestations of being honoured, but genuinely so. They were almost reverent. It was kind of disturbing. They were brought to a table and had a number of plates of appetizers brought out immediately. The food was incredible, and the service was the best he'd ever had. It was set up impeccably: the food was spaced out so there were small periods of time between each course to talk a little; there was just enough food in each dish to get a good taste, without getting too full; and the flavour of each dish in the course was set up to play off each other and balance. Sweet, spicy, sour, salty, and bitter; each made an appearance, and each had a role. Faelen had noticed the room, a private room, was decorated by some statues, plants, and paintings. Two of the paintings were done in ink; the style was quite different than the others, very much like Liam's style. Liam didn't deny it when Faelen asked, but he didn't encourage more discussion on it, either. Liam seemed to bounce between really enjoying himself and suffering through the meal. Faelen was a little worried, but he was patient. Liam would talk when he was ready. If he interfered he'd probably make it worse. After dinner Faelen asked about the bill; Liam said there wasn't one, but he was commissioned to do a painting as payment. Jokingly, Faelen offered to model for him as payment. Liam had grinned, saying that that sort of painting was inappropriate for this commission and fell silent right afterward. Supper had taken over two hours, from start to finish, and as they left the sun was setting. They went to Citadel Hill and sat on the grass watching the sun set. Faelen wished the harbour was to the west, not the east, but it was still nice looking out over all the trees in the city as the sky turned red. He moved behind Liam and pulled the smaller dog against him, arms wrapped his belly, as they sat in silence. A lot of couples were wandering around, many more just sat and watched the sun set, too. Liam felt very calm and peaceful the entire time. He even let Faelen kiss him, gently, twice. They walked, paw in paw, several blocks over to Park Lane and bought some ice cream to eat as they wandered through the Public Gardens. The Gardens covered a few blocks and had many paths wandering through the flower beds and trees. They slowly ate their ice cream, sharing much of it, and talked about little things. Foods they liked to eat and cook, flowers, books, and many other mundane things. They intentionally stayed away from their pasts and from the future. Then it was time to go home. Liam fell silent as they ran.

Faelen had loved the entire evening, he just wished Liam could say the same. He walked Liam to his front door and took the small paws in his own, "Thank you. I really enjoyed myself. Will you come over tomorrow? Or Sunday? We're planning on doing something for Geoff's birthday; we don't have anything really set, yet. I'd love for you to be there." As soon as he said the 'L' word he wanted to kick himself. Liam stiffened, eyes misting; he made a quick apology and ran inside. Faelen was left, confused, as he slowly walked home. He didn't even get a promise that Liam would be there on at least one of those days. He thought of what Liam had said about singing, and he started singing the first song that came to his mind. 'Think of Me', by Andrew Lloyd Webber, in the 'Phantom of the Opera'. Avery loved that musical, and Faelen had heard the song many times. It was normally sung by a woman, but Faelen tried singing it in a lower key. It was rather sad but it suited his mood. His pace stayed slow; it took him fifteen minutes to get home. He was still singing as he walked in the front door.

Dirk was reading in his chair in the living room, but he got up and walked over to the railing as Faelen walked in. "I don't think I've ever heard you just sing. From your choice of song, I have no idea if your date went really well or really bad. Singing would say good, that song would say bad."

"They both fit. It was great." He chose the same words Nathanial had used to describe his afternoon with Garret on purpose. He didn't mean for his words to choke up the same way, too.

Geoff and Nathanial were walking up from the basement, Nathanial put his paw on Geoff's shoulder to keep him quiet. Nathanial just looked at Faelen for a moment, "I understand. He's still afraid. When he forgot, it was perfect, you really connected. Then he'd remember whatever it is, and he'd pull back." Faelen just nodded. Nathanial smiled, sadly, "Are you willing to wait? He'll have to make up his mind, eventually, or he'll drive himself crazy. The only thing you can do is choose to wait for him, or let him go as not worth the effort."

"I know. I said I'll wait, and I meant it. It doesn't make it easier to see him hurt like that." Geoff looked annoyed, making Faelen start to get angry.

Nathanial put his paw back on Geoff's shoulder as he spoke to him, "Do you think the pain I feel isn't valid? Would you still think that way if you didn't know my past? It hurts you when I hurt, and I think it did when you really didn't know why I hurt. Wait until we find out what's bothering Sensei before deciding. Either way, it's Faelen's choice to wait."

Geoff growled slightly, "I know. He loves Liam. I just hate seeing Faelen hurt, so I get angry. I still don't know how I feel about Liam-sensei."

Nathanial smiled, "You're really similar." Geoff growled out loud.

Faelen chuckled, "Liam reacted the same way when I said that. He sees it, though. There are lots of things he admires in you, Geoff. I bet if you think about it, you'd feel the same way about him. There are a lot of things that you have in common that causes you to clash, too. You're both have very strong personalities and have trouble letting other people take command. You're going to butt heads, but that doesn't mean you can't be friends."

"He... admires something about me?" Geoff seemed really shocked, "I thought he didn't like me. Like he thought I was some spoiled, dumb, and inconsiderate mutt." The other three started to whistle and look around, breaking out in laughter when they realized they'd all done it. Geoff growled again before smiling, "Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. There are leftovers for you in the fridge, if you get hungry, Faelen. We're going to start our homework, if you want to join us. And just remember, even if he isn't sure if he's ready to date again, he still cares enough that he asked you out. I bet it's really hard to get a date with him; he's stuck on that schedule of his, and it'd have to be big for him to change it. He carefully guards his feelings, but he loves you. Even I can tell."

Faelen looked down, "Yeah. I know. Thanks."

---

Liam leaned against the front door, struggling to keep from crying, as he listened to Faelen slowly walk away. When he heard Faelen sing, he couldn't keep the tears back. 'That's what I'm afraid of, my love.' He slowly walked to his easel, pulling off his clothes as he went, and leaving them on the floor. He put a new canvas up and began painting.

His father came down at one point; he just looked at him for a few minutes, before silently gathering up the clothes. Liam ignored him and kept painting. It was almost three in the morning when he stopped. He had finished four paintings, all of Faelen. First was the look of pain in his eyes whenever Liam pulled away, then he finished the look of love, his laughter, and finally a full body painting of Faelen as he lay sleeping. Liam had sat there just looking at Faelen for a half hour as he slept. His Wolf. He looked so perfect, so kind. He knew it was just his love talking, no one was perfect, but he felt it. He was still too worked up to try to sleep. He normally just meditated for a few hours and slept for a few more, an old trick he'd mastered a long time ago, but his inner turmoil had really screwed up his Chi. He needed to find peace. He went downstairs and started to go through some of his forms. He stopped before long, he just wasn't able to focus. He went to the heavy bag and started hitting it, trying to keep his timing and form precise, but he started hitting faster and harder as he went. Tears blinded him and then fell to the floor. He hit the bag harder. A sob disrupted his careful breathing, he hit the bag harder. His shoulders began to shake, he hit the bag as hard as he could. The seams burst, the chain snapped, and it went flying. He jumped after it, landing on top of it, and began pounding it as hard as he could as he sobbed. He soon collapsed and continued to cry. He eventually felt his father pick him up in a hug, "You love him, Liam. Yes, he will die, but that's unavoidable. Can you go on living like this? Afraid to love anyone because you'll eventually be left alone? You feel alone now, you feel your loss keenly, but Faelen is there. He's offering you a chance to have love again. It may be short, it may be for over a century. It's still better than living with the regret you'd have, forever: the regret of not giving yourself the chance to find out what you might have had. Having regrets and still being alone is much worse than having had love for years before finding yourself alone. At least you would've been happy for those years. Even if it's not for you, does he deserve to live with that regret? Does your fear weigh so heavily on you that you'd let him watch you suffer and suffer himself because of it?"

Liam looked at his father like he couldn't really understand what he was saying, then smiled through his tears, "And let you suffer, too?"

Walter smiled slightly, "Me and your loyal punching bag. May it rest in peace."

"Sorry, Dad. I lost control. I wish I could rest in peace, too, but I'm going out for a bit. Probably the rest of the night."

Walter smiled wider, "I see. Well, it isn't a school night, but I doubt Faelen is still up. Just don't get into trouble."

"I won't. Thanks, Dad. For everything."

"It's what I'm here for. Even if you usually don't need me, I'm still here."

Liam gave his naked father a hug, laughing through his tears, "You'd like my new friends. They're nudists, too. Even Mr. O'Conall. Conor-san, Geoff-san's father, is the only reason we wear clothes at times, there. I should introduce you to Mr. O'Conall; he's a lot like Faelen." Liam shook his head as his father's sheath twitched, "Bake a cake, or something, and bring it by tomorrow. It's Geoff's birthday party." Liam stood and gave his thoughtful father a lick on his muzzle as he went upstairs. He grabbed his gym bag and put a spare change of clothes in it. He put his homework in, too. He got dressed and walked outside.

Liam stood in Faelen's room, staring down at the sleeping Wolf, a tear leaking out of his eye as he saw the large wet spot on Faelen's pillow. It was from his tears. Even in his sleep, Faelen whimpered. Liam stripped naked, gently lifted the sheets, and crawled in as he gently pushed his back against Faelen's chest. Faelen's arm wrapped around him, the whimpering stopped, and Faelen rubbed his muzzle on the top of Liam's head. His tongue licked at his ear, flipping the floppy end up and pushing the perky lower half down. Suddenly, Faelen stopped as he jolted awake, "Liam!" He whispered, "What in the hells? How'd you get in here?"

Liam smiled, his tone warm, "Do you want to hear how, or why?"

That made Faelen stop. His tone was cautious, "I'd have to say 'why'."

"I love you."

---

Faelen was so happy to hear Liam say that he loved him, with no pain, no uncertainty, that he began to cry. He squeezed Liam tightly against him, trying to show his love that he was happy, and not crying for any other reason. He licked at Liam's ears and loosened his grip. He slipped his right arm under Liam's neck and pulled Liam's head back onto his shoulder as he rolled onto his back. He then pulled Liam onto his belly, faces together, and gently kissed him. Tears still leaked from Faelen's eyes as he looked through the near darkness into the brown eyes above him. "I know. I'm just so glad that you can say it without tearing yourself up inside." He kissed him, again, before pulling Liam's head down against his right cheek, hugging him tightly. "What changed?"

"I painted. I could not sleep. I killed a heavy bag. Dad talked to me and told me what I needed to hear."

"I owe him." Faelen kept one paw on the back of Liam's head, his forearm running down Liam's back, holding him close. He rubbed his head against Liam's a few times, occasionally licking the floppy ends of his ears. Faelen found those ears absolutely adorable. His other paw rubbed along Liam's back, slowly drifting lower.

Liam softly growled as he nibbled on Faelen's neck, before saying, "Yes, I owe him a lot. He is one of the few people who have ever come close to understanding me. He tries very hard to do what he can to help." He suddenly arched his back, pushing back against the paw on his head, and growled loudly. Faelen had wrapped his wandering paw around the base of his tail. Faelen smiled evilly, extending one of his fingers to stroke the inside of his pup's crack. "Bastard. I was planning on just sleeping here, cuddled up to you, till morning. Now, you will not be sleeping for some time." Liam bit the side of Faelen's neck and ground his erection into Faelen's stomach. Faelen gasped, letting go of Liam's head, and slid his other paw down to join the first by Liam's ass. He gently squeezed and stroked the base of Liam's tail, getting the Rottweiler even more worked up, as his other paw massaged the tight muscles.

Liam lifted his head up and began kissing Faelen deeply. He moved his hips around, working Faelen's growing erection from beneath him, so the growing length began sliding up between his cheeks. Faelen grinned, "My plan worked, then. You've given me something very precious, so I planned on giving something to you. How is your Chi? I'm feeling a little drained, so I'd like to move this to the shower. Or I can shower after this."

"Getting fucked by you in the shower would be nice. Then we could move back here and switch roles. Then go back to the shower for round three." Faelen growled lustily as he picked Liam up, keeping his erection pressed against his prize. He quickly moved to the shower and pushed Liam against the wall. He began working himself into Liam's tail-hole, as he manifest, and let Liam get the water going. "Ah, gods. You are lucky I have become somewhat accustomed to you, Faelen, or this would be excruciating."

Faelen stopped, "Am I hurting you? Here, let me loosen you up a bit."

"Do not stop. If you even try, I will hurt you." Liam pulled Faelen's head forward and began kissing him. He had his legs wrapped around Faelen's waist, his back against the wall, and began to use the two to keep himself braced as he started to rock back and forth, forcing Faelen deeper inside of him. Faelen was more than happy to return the kisses, his paw remained wrapped around the base of Liam's tail. Liam seemed to be taking his time, it was a full five minutes before he hit Faelen's knot. The steam was getting quite thick by this time. Faelen let Liam's tail go and began prodding and exploring around it, trying to see if there was a specific spot that got Liam so worked up. It took a few minutes, time where Liam let himself get used to Faelen's girth, but he found the two spots. Right where the tail joined the body, at the ten and two o'clock positions, when Faelen pressed and rubbed there it set Liam off. Liam growled loudly as he bit down on Faelen's neck and shoulder, his claws running up and down Faelen's back, and he started to bounce up and down fiercely on Faelen's shaft. Faelen gasped as he was virtually raped in reverse. He was almost confused over how to take it, but it was incredibly erotic. His heightened senses made every claw prick send shivers up and down his spine. Liam seemed to know just how hard he could press without causing any pain, and he danced along that line without ever crossing it.

Faelen knew he wouldn't be able to last long under this amount of stimulation, but he didn't care much since Liam seemed determined to keep going the rest of the night. "Love, I'm not going to last. Do you want to tie?" His voice was shaky; he was struggling to hold back his orgasm. Liam gave his answer by slamming down hard, forcing Faelen's knot inside him. Faelen bit down on Liam's neck, howling into the fur, and felt jets of hot fluid splashing over his stomach as Liam came. He felt his Spirit energy flow into Liam, and flow back, into small teeth marks in his neck, with a different quality. The wounds were small enough they healed over immediately in the steam; Faelen never noticed his skin had been punctured. Liam held him close as they began to come down from their high. Faelen turned around, put his back to the wall, and slid down into a sitting position on the floor. Liam sat on his lap with his head on Faelen's shoulder. "That was incredible."

Suddenly, Liam tensed and jerked his head back to stare into Faelen's eyes. Faelen saw emotions flicker across them, again. Hope, love, and incredible happiness were first. They were replaced by guilt and concern before remorse took over. Then came anguish. Liam's voice was choked and barely audible, "I am so sorry. I did not know my curse could be passed on like this. I am sorry." Liam threw his head back and howled, giving voice to his grief, before he collapsed against Faelen, sobbing.