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Romari Susi is a dirty old wolf, the emperor of a mighty nation, and the joint-CEO of a massive worldwide corporation; he's well respected, and is closeted from the rest of the world, though it's a poorly kept secret at best. He shares his bed with his straight-laced secretary, co-CEO, and mate Neal, who is a flying fox (AKA, a fruit bat). Luckily for their domestic tranquility, Neal is rather open to his mate's wide-ranging romantic exploits.

Joining them in their adventures is the captain of their imperial guard, a raccoon named Taxas.

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UP A CREEK

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Imperial Sovereign Romari:"Stop pacing, Neal! You're like an epileptic ping pong ball. All that bouncing back and forth is making me nauseous."

Imperial Assistant Neal:"I can't help it! We're up for trial in less than an hour for all sorts of horrid things!"

Romari:"It can't be that bad. Hans didn't seem all that worried when we were renegotiating his retainer contract this morning."

Neal:"Wait, what? Why wasn't I informed? Sir, you're not qualified for renegotiating contracts!"

Romari:"You were busy, but I think I did okay."

Neal:"I can't help but think that I really shouldn't ask this question, but...what changed from his previous contract?"

Romari:"He said he wanted a guarantee that he'll receive an automatic renewal of his contract for the next ten years, and we can't sue him for any perceived failures so long as he tries his best."

Neal: "What?!"

Romari:"It didn't seem that unreasonable."

Neal:"Sir, that means he doesn't think he'll win the case!"

Romari:"Does it? Hmm."

Neal: *Frantic* "How can you be so calm about this?"

Romari:"It's called Zen meditation, Neal. And also the dose of tranquilizer Taxas added to my coffee this morning."

Captain of the Guard Taxas:"Err..."

Romari:"But since I didn't actually drink any of it, I think we can discount that as a possibility."

Taxas:"Um... Sorry about that, Your Excellency. I just didn't want you getting upset like...uh..." *Eyes flicker to Neal*

Romari:"I'm not worried. I have a plan."

Neal: *Draws back from Romari* "Another one of your schemes? Excuse me, Captain, but I'm inexplicably suffering a rather sudden bout of absolute terror. Would you have any more of those sedatives left? Enough to knock me out the remainder of the month would be ideal."

Taxas:"I'm afraid I can't give you any, sir. Sorry. They were lupine-tranquilizers. I'm not sure what they'll do to bats."

Neal:"I'll take my chances."

Romari:"The flying fox goes batty and the raccoon hounds the wolf instead. Typical."

Neal:"That's quite clever sir, but can we forgo the quips for once? We could go to jail for the rest of our lives!"

Romari:"Calm down. You worry too much."

Neal:"Sir Hans mentioned that this debacle would be widely publicized! What if my family sees it? What if my mother sees it!"

Romari:"Your mother?! _ Shit on a shingle!_ Do we have enough time to flee the country?"

Taxas:"Um... I wouldn't try that if I were you, Your Magnificence. The only reason you weren't both thrown in prison to await trial is because I swore to keep an eye on you."

Romari:"What?"

Taxas:"General Lexington ordered me to stay with you and keep you in the country, or he would hunt you down and throw you both in the penitentiary. When I joined the military I swore to uphold the commands of my superior officers, and...well...it did keep you out of prison, and it let me stay nearby so I could protect you."

Romari:"Remind me to fire Lexington when this is over."

Neal:"But sir, he's only doing his job. And he didn't have to offer the captain the option of keeping us out of incarceration."

Romari:"Oh, fine." *Sidles up to Taxas and rubs against him* "So you're our captor, eh? Do we get the lash if we misbehave?"

Taxas:"I... Maybe?"

Romari:"Neal, I want you to avoid doing everything I tell you to do, including this. Do it now."

Neal:"I...don't think I can actually do that, sir. For that matter, I don't think I can't do it."

Romari:"There. He disobeyed a direct order from his sovereign. He's a bad boy, and it's time for a spanking. Get to it, Taxas."

Taxas:"Your Eminence, we're in the middle of a federal courthouse. I don't think we should do that kind of thing in public."

Romari:"Why not? That's never stopped me before."

Neal: *Facepalms and mumbles* "It's a miracle we're not in prison already."

Taxas:"For one, I don't have a paddle."

Romari:"Oh. Damn. There goes my plan for getting out of this mess."

Neal: "What?"

Romari:"I'm joking."

Neal:"Captain Taxas, if you don't give me those tranquilizers right this minute I swear I can't be held responsible for my actions."

Romari:"Jeez. One little speed-bump and suddenly everyone's sense of humor goes right out the window. What is this world coming to?"

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