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Diane opened her bright golden eyes. Her irises changed color according to her current emotion – golden was the color of great contentment. The reason for her happiness lied in her embrace, wrapped with her wings. Her thoughts wandered off, and she remembered a dream she had. She was a human female and, apparently, Thomas was mating her. The way it felt, she remembered it clearly, and she wanted to repeat it. And as soon as possible. Without thinking clearly, she looked at the human that was sleeping with her and tugged him slightly with her beak, just barely strong enough to wake him up. Thomas grunted and opened his eyes.

“Morning."

“Morning, my dear."

He reluctantly escaped her grasp and dressed quickly to avoid freezing. Just as he concentrated on his mate's consciousness inside his own, he almost came in his breeches – her mind was filled with lust, desires so clear and intense, they could bring anyone to one's peak just by thinking about them. A shiver ran through him when Diane ran her tongue across his entire back. He turned around and smiled to her grin.

“Let me give you something better to lick."

He cupped her head and pressed his mouth into her beak. Her mind waved with satisfaction as she closed her eyes. She sat on her haunches and curled her wings around him and pulled to herself. Without breaking the kiss she asked him, speaking directly to his mind.

“Mate me, please. I want you right now."

“I wouldn't refuse you for the world."

Still engaging in their passionate and prolonged kiss they fell on the ground. Diane relaxed and gripped her partner's attention to show him her dream – the one she acted on and remembered so vividly. But he pulled back, frowning.

“I want you. The gryphon you. That is what makes you special. I wouldn't be nearly as happy if you were human. I'd rather be a gryphon for you."

“We can work on that later, now I will show you the true pleasure of mating."

“The way you say it makes me think it will be better than we've ever had."

“Everything can get better if you put your mind to it."

“Let's not wait anymore."

Thomas was already affected by her lustful thoughts and began to regret ever dressing up. But his clothes flew away in an eyeblink. Diane looked into his eyes and just by that, she made him melt in her mental embrace.

“Bear with me. I will need you to take control of me."

“Wait, what?"

“Just don't be afraid. Trust yourself like I trust you."

She brought him closer and her eyes glowed with blue light. Then he felt his body let go. He was no longer a body, just the energetic being that used to inhabit it. He still had complete control of his actions and thoughts, just it seemed that Diane had elevated him above all matter. It was different – he felt like he had full understanding of his environment. And of her, apparently. He could delve into her recollections, relive everything she had been through. And he could also mate her. Thomas felt her whole gryphon body, every limb, every feather even. And everything she was would bow to his will. Their bond was very strong, perhaps as strong as possible. He was more than ready for her so instead of wasting time he penetrated her, feeling her body submit to his masculine thrusts. The way it felt, it was like nothing before. Nothing, not even their first time, during which Diane created their permanent connection, didn't even come close to what he was going through now. He was no longer dependent on his physical form. However, she was completely dependent on him. He lunged himself forward once again, the physical sensations were nearly enough to send his body into overdrive, or to put it simply, blackout. But he wasn't feeling the contractions on his back or his legs, all he felt was the intense pleasure and his mate's consciousness, etched deep into his being. Thomas gave Diane the time of her life by simply being there with her. But he chose to give her more. He guided his hand to her most sensitive nub and began his tender ministrations. The pleasant vibrations from his treatment hit them both with a wave of bliss and Diane moaned silently. He held the pace for a few delightful minutes, after he discovered his ability to control the orgasms of both him and his lover. Finally, he released his grip and rammed deep into her. What he felt then, could be only compared to heaven. Or heaven tenfold. Their finish took surprisingly long, longer than before. And everything went into a blur. When the chaos dissipated, he found himself on the top of his mate, both panting heavily and so exhausted they could barely move. Still, Thomas excavated enough strength to crawl forward a bit and give Diane a tiny part of what he thought she deserved – a very passionate kiss along with clearly pronounced gratitude in his mind. She was glowing with happiness and excitement.

“So how was that?"

“You'll have to teach me how to do that to you."

“Would you trust me with your body and your mind like that?"

“I wouldn't hesitate for a second to say that I would."

“The spell is surprisingly simple, the problem is that you cannot avoid giving complete control over the entirety of yourself to whoever you are casting the spell on."

“Well, it's hardly a problem."

“Indeed it is."

“By the way, how was that? Did I do everything right?"

“You were all and more of what I could ever hope for."

There was another thought Thomas was concerned about but he quickly concealed it from his mate. He felt Diane acknowledge his right to privacy and that made him change his mind. He sighed, still lying on her belly, enjoying being caressed by soft paws and wings from all sides.

“Have you ever thought of being a mother?"

“Only with you as the father of my children."

“Is that even possible?"

“We can make it happen. But it will inflict some… rather permanent changes."

“You mean…"

“Yes, you will have to be turned into a gryphon."

Thomas sighed. The thought lingered for a while. It was a life-changing decision, truly it was way more than that. Yet he was curious, aside from the fact that he would've done anything to make Diane happy.

“What would change?"

“Aside from your body? You will have complete magical ability, what you have now is just the remnants from our connection. It is permanent, but quite ineffective. Try it now."

“What… what do I need to do?"

“Here, let me help you."

She pulled his conscious to her mind and guided his thoughts to the greatest concentration he had ever achieved. It soon dissipated, but he could still feel the presence of something… divine. Thomas absent-mindedly pointed his hand towards the river, but nothing happened. Until a gust of wind blew past his naked form and, to his surprise, the water began freezing solid. His hand however, was heating up rapidly, still certainly not enough to burn. He assumed it would never burn him if done correctly. But the surge of energy disappeared and whatever magical was happening ceased.

“Wow, that was weird."

Diane overlooked the miniature icebergs moving down the stream.

“Not bad for your first act of magic."

“Why was my hand heating up albeit the water was freezing?"

“To put it simply, the heat from the water still had to go somewhere."

“Still, returning to our previous conversation, what would change?"

“Your lifespan will compare to that of a gryphon. If you stay this way, you will still live longer than any human has ever lived, or will ever live, but I will live shorter because of that. That is the principle of shared lifespan. To top it all up, you will be able to fly with or without me but you may have already figured that out."

There was another thing Thomas wanted to know, but he didn't know how to approach it. Still, he had to.

“Diane, my dear, would you like me more as a gryphon?"

“I love you. I don't care what are you, I only care about who are you. The same you, the same Thomas I experienced my first time with, the same Thomas that didn't turn me down."

“Is it difficult to carry out the… process?"

“It is much harder than any ordinary spell, but I'll manage if that is what you want."

“I want to be here for you, no matter what. I can only ensure you will be happy if we were the same."

“Are you sure? There would be no turning back."

“I need to think this over. But as far as my trust for you goes, I am sure. I will fetch breakfast now."

Thomas silently rose from her caring embrace and dressed up without a word. Soon, he had already left Diane alone with her thoughts. She sighed, thinking over what they just spoke about. Thomas as a gryphon was certainly appealing concept, yet he could pleasure her just as good whilst being human. Still, it is only a matter of time until her body commands her to raise young. Every gryphon lives through that period. Even males are exceptionally eager to spill their seed, just as females are eager to accept it into them. But that time for her still hasn't come. She was happy now. But what he said made her think differently. He would sacrifice his previous life, his previous… well, everything, along with his entire kin, his connection to his brethren, just to be with her and to make her a mother she would eventually want to be anyways. Still, Diane had her doubts. Occasionally after those rare transformations took place the resident of the new body would sometimes turn extremely violent. Or sex-crazed. All put aside, she wasn't physically ready to do this, her magic prowess still wasn't enough to perform the spell. With a deep sigh she went to the secret compartment where she held her greatest treasure – books on magic.

It was hard to imagine Diane's surprise when she found her hidden chamber… tidied up, slightly. She never bothered to clean it up as she rarely visited there at all. That is, she only could do so when Del'lyr was away for a few days hunting or whatever he did when he was away. He was barely capable of the most simple of spells, additionally, he could not read. He was never all that fascinated with things that took time and patience. So her only conclusion was that Thomas was here. Not that she did mind. She would trust him with her life, and she did. Her material possessions did not matter all that much to her. With a silent murmur she lit the candles along the walls and took a step to the middle of the room. It looked small but was actually quite big. The vast rows of bookshelves cramped up the place, and the only furniture aside from that was a small desk right out front. She never used it, so it was usually empty. Despite that, she saw a small book on it – certainly never seen before. Careful not to tear or leave any evidence she gripped the pages and flipped to see the first one.

Thomas, son of no one.

Diary

Started 16 years 173 days old

Diane was looking at her mate's most private of belongings, maybe aside from his actual privates, she thought to herself. Her thoughts lingered, considering should he be angry with her for such invasion, for such unauthorized insight into his past. But she trusted Thomas, so presumably he trusted her as well. Without wasting any more time alone she flipped the next page and began reading.

16 years 173 days

Today mum cried. It was exactly seventeen years since my father left her. Her and me. She didn't want to remember this day, but every year exactly this time of the year, according to our calendars – March 13th, she would cry and ask for time alone. I didn't want to leave her alone, I knew she needed me. But she didn't know that. It was painful to watch the only person who you care about engulfed in sorrow. I just want to help. It is that simple.

16 years 179 days

Just a week after the “sorry anniversary", as mum calls it, she brought a date home. The man was obviously rich. He looked like a noble. I have no idea how my mother hooked up with him – she certainly wasn't the type of women to offer exquisite body shapes. Still, as soon as her suitor arrived, he demonstratively and, in my opinion, looking quite pathetically, shook my hand and said his name was Thomas. What a coincidence. He also promised that he would take best care of her. I didn't want to interrupt anything they might have planned for the night and left to hunt. Sadly, I was out of luck and had to return home early. I tried to be silent, but soon heard the old Thomas, as I decided to refer to him, “taking best care" of her upstairs. I wasn't bold enough to interrupt, but certainly mature enough to understand what was it all about. She would often talk to me about seeking my own lady, but I said her that time hasn't come yet. I just recently discovered my interest in the opposite gender, but it was all so new to me. Certainly, the time for carnal contact had had to wait. I had more pressing matters to deal with.

16 years 206 days

Mum didn't come home tonight. Never did she bother to teach me how to light the furnace, so I had to figure that out by myself. It was hard, and it took longer than I had anticipated but I made it. I was proud of myself. Just as I finished stoking the flames mum crashed through the door, smooching with some guy, they both ravaging each other's lips vigorously. She pulled away from him, gave me a few coins and told me to get out. I grabbed my coat and left quickly, because they were at it again, in the living room. Damn it. She cannot quench her thirst for a man for more than a few days and because of that I have to roam the streets late in the evening. At least it was middle of spring, so it wasn't as cold as I expected it to be. Maybe Annabelle would appreciate some company.

16 years 219 days

Last night Anna told me she would like to meet with me after the sunset and tell me something very important. The way she said that made her look childish. It would have been a complete scene if she had pointed her index finger to the ceiling, much like a teacher would do. She was but an immature girl that considers herself the lady of the yard. The way she mocks younger kids makes her look… powerful. I once told her that. I had no intention to pet her ego but that was exactly what happened. She leaned closer into me and put her hand on my shoulder. It wasn't weird – we had long gotten past that stage. Still, I couldn't say I longed that contact she provided. But what she said, despite my best efforts to admitting to it, made sense. She told me I am quite mature and that I speak like an adult. She didn't know about my newfound passion to log the most important events of my life in my diary. Also, she gave me a pity look and said it was okay that I don't use slang like everybody else does. Like it was a bad thing that I don't, like I should. I didn't understand at first but later realised she thought I didn't know any of the “youth words", as her parents often referred to what we called street speak.

16 years 240 days

Yesterday, Derek and his brother found a book in the street. Imagine my surprise when they came to me and asked me if I could tell them what that was about and maybe read it to them. It was the first time that I realised that I was the only one among children who could read and write. I remember I laughed at that thought – it had been awhile since I considered myself a child. But still, it was an interesting line of thought. The book they found was a cheesy romance story, pretty much like the one my mother likes to read at night. I would prefer to write something by myself then, but she takes the only oil lamp to herself. I once asked her if I could have it for that night. She looked at me and laughed, saying “I can hardly imagine what you could use it for aside from setting this house on fire. It's not like you can read or write". That time, something was new. I started to dislike my own mother. I abstained from saying “It's not like you bothered to teach me, so I had to do it by myself". Well, not completely by myself. Andrea helped. A lot, actually. She was the responsible staff member at the local library. Only adults were allowed in, but she would let me nonetheless. She was always nice to me. I wondered why she didn't have a husband, as I found out after asking her if she did. She was not all that young but still quite elegant, different than my mum. Maybe she lacked the charm that mother would always feign when searching for one-night stands. Still, I liked her. She deserved to be happy. So I would spend the nights with her when she was assigned to stay the night of duty. That's how I came to be able to read and write. I would still often visit her library and stay there for a while, although I had to be careful so that other kids wouldn't see me. I didn't want Andrea to get in trouble because of me. And her other visitors seemed to not mind a teenager among them, considering I was always orderly when visiting. Anyways, back to the beginning. I didn't want to tell Derek that he found a book that probably contained detailed descriptions of people making love. He was still way too young for that, being nine years old. His brother – even younger, being seven. So I told him it was a story for kids like him, and just as I expected, he asked me to read it. His brother, Lucas, ran away to invite everyone along. Soon, I was circled by at least a dozen kids up to ten years old. Well, that was my fault, mostly. Anyways, I began telling the story, making it up on the spot. I told them about a fearsome dragon that would steal various things from nearby villages until one brave man named Lucas went to the beast's cave and banished it from there entirely. The little boy's eyes sparkled when he heard he bore a name of a mighty warrior. My plan had worked and, again, I was quite proud of myself.

16 years 305 days

Today was nice. In a weird way, though. Mum left for the capital with yet another man. She said she would be back in a week but to my surprise, she left me enough money for a month. At least I wasn't all that into spendthrift, different from herself. Well, I can perhaps invite Andrea for some tea and give her some of the books I bought for my pocket money. I didn't want to spend my only coin for something to eat as I was well-provided at home. So instead I would buy something to keep. Something nice. Well, from my point of view, all books were nice if one was able to read them. I was. Oh, and I just thought! I will have the oil lamp all to myself. I prefer to read at night when the city outside is silent.

17 years 1 day

It is my birthday today. I still thought it was weird to celebrate it. The appearance of the physical body meant nothing – what meant the most was the day when the “lump of meat" was named. That is the way our ancestors thought. Still, mum forgot it. I didn't want to infuriate her by blaming her for that. But the kids from our street still got me a cake. It was very nice of them. At least someone remembered. They were already leaving when I'd realised they thought I'd prefer to keep the cake to myself. I called them back and we shared it. It was pretty good. I saved a piece for Andrea. Since my mother got immensely engaged in her “search for love", as she referred to it, or “carnal party", as I referred to it, Andrea was my mother. At least not in biological sense. But she was the one to take care of me during those rare moments when I'd actually needed care. I think I grew to love her in the most emotional and innocent way possible.

17 years 5 days

Andrea got me a book for my birthday. I expected that from her of all people but she still managed to surprise me. The book was plated with real gold. Real gold! I never owned anything made of gold before. Golden coins were more valuable than silver, actually, my mum earned just a small handful of gold coins a month. Well, she didn't actually earn anything, she'd just sued the money from the city for reasons unknown and completely irrelevant to me. May she have it her way. Back to the book. It was a manual on how to brew ointments all of which had some incredibly rare ingredients. Andrea had never heard about some of them, let alone myself. She claimed that those were magical potions. However stupid that sounded, I was inclined to believe her. The book probably cost her a fortune. I was thankful, I really was. Not only for the book, but for her. She was always there for me.

17 years 35 days

I was reading Andrea's book the whole night because my mum was again sating her needs somewhere else. I didn't care anymore. Anyways, I found one particularly interesting recipe. It said that whoever drank the potion would fall asleep within half an hour and when woken up, wouldn't remember anything about what happened during that period of thirty minutes. I saw that the recipe was fairly simple, did not require any boiling, using rare ingredients or anything like brandishing the liquid on the tallest of mountains during full moon. So I made it. It smelled ant looked just like written in the book. It also said that only a small sip was enough for the effect to take place. I had at least three small sips, luckily. I had no idea where I'd use it, though.

17 years 81 days

Finally, I found a way to use my potion. Last week mother threw me out in the cold to have sex with yet another bastard. And when she was done, she acted towards me like nothing ever happened. So I will pour some of it to her tea and tell her everything what I think about her debaucheries. And perhaps do something else. Something unpleasant for her. And, hopefully, relieving for me.

17 years 90 days

So I did act on my plan. When mum had finished her tea, she began to act like a tortoise, her reaction slowed down and she was sleepy. But conscious. I remember vividly how she began telling me off out of the blue. So I said her how much I despised her and how she cannot control what lurked between her thighs. She got even angrier and she would've beaten the hell out of me if she could. Still, she somehow managed to stand up and tried pushing me but fell down instead. The way she tumbled made me laugh, I haven't had a laugh that good in a while. So when she was out of patience, I left, having made sure she wouldn't hurt herself. Obviously, I relieved her purse of all the coins. If the potion works, I'll cook up something up about that. If it doesn't, I'll die. I am not over-exaggerating this. She would definitely kill me. But I didn't care. I'll carefully return tomorrow and see if she remembers anything. Only now I understood how much less I cared about her. That wasn't all that bad or depressing – she stopped caring about me a long time ago.

17 years 91 days

When I returned, she was back to normal. And asked if I gave her any money last day. I told her she did, but no more than usual. Also I carefully mentioned that her suitor from yesterday was looking for something over here when he was leaving but I didn't recognize him. That made her anxious – she could not remember anything from yesterday, apparently. As soon as I was gone I had a good laugh.

17 years 134 days

Today there was a fire outbreak in our street. It was Annabelle's house. When the fire was visible from everywhere in the city everyone ran to douse the fires. When the flames were gone, we saw that most of the attic had burned away. Anna asked me if I could hug her. I could. And I did. She cried on my shoulder. I didn't want to shun her, neither I wanted to be the consolation incarnate for her. Still, it was quite a disaster for our small community. Very much to my surprise she asked if she could stay the night at my place. I told her she could even if I understood what was she wanted from me. Or, to be more accurate, what she wanted to give me.

17 years 155 days

I heard Anna's father, Dalmir, speak to my mum today. Even though they were silent, I could pretty much hear everything. He asked if she could borrow him some money to fix his house. He remarked he was nearly done, and most of the work had already been done. Then another silent mumble and I heard mum clattering coins. I didn't expect her to help the man, but she did. Maybe, after all, she was a good person.

17 years 201 days

Another disaster. Dalmir was robbed and murdered somewhere in the market area. Despite the perpetrator was caught and hung in the town square, it was still devastating. After I returned home that day, Lara, Anna's mum was waiting for me nearby. She approached me and after she sighed, I hugged her. This year has been but the worst for her and her family. I truly felt sorry for them, despite Anna being a pompous lady every time she'd see me. She told me she would like to ask for a big favour. When she spoke about not being able to repay the debt to my mother, tears rolled down her cheeks. She asked if I could marry Anna and thus postpone the deadline for the debt, or eliminate it completely. The prospect of being able to show Anna her place was tempting, I first thought. Then I remembered my mother and how she'd never do anything to make me feel like I'm her son aside from tossing me a few coins here and there. So I told her I would think about it. It was a big decision to make.

Diane stopped reading and thought to herself. She didn't want to intrude and discover more than it was obvious. So she skipped a few pages, to somewhere along the middle.

20 years 77 days

It has been exactly two years since my mother left for Tur'alan. And only now I received a letter from her. She left without my consent, not even a warning from her. One day I just returned home to find all of her belongings missing and her nowhere to be seen. So I hoped she would at least explain herself. Despite my expectations here is what I opened the envelope to see.

Thomas,

I hope you can read. If not, find someone who does. It is very important that you understand what it is I have to say to you. If you are angry with me for leaving, just bear with me and put yourself in my place. You could never comprehend how angry I was when I found out you got married just to eliminate the debt. You didn't ask for my blessing, nor permission. This will be your punishment. I will never come back and I don't want to ever see you. You may still write to me and I will read what you have to say. But that is the upper limit of my patience.

Your mother

Sylvia

So it was my fault after all. Huh. Upon reading her scribblings I found myself thinking “She is completely nuts". What a childish thought. But I couldn't help myself. Thoroughly holding out my rage I wrote her my response.

Sylvia,

I can read. I could since I was thirteen. You never bothered to teach me because you were busy finding a man to mount you. So I had to do most things myself. I very clearly told you about my intentions to get married but since you were basking in your afterglow of a very intense copulation, you did not hear me, nor did you bother to listen. All you cared about was the money and sex. You never were my mother in the real sense because you never cared about me. I am not angry with you for leaving, I am relieved that I finally can do something by myself without you rutting someone in each corner. This will be the most pleasant punishment I had ever received from you. I am glad you will never return because I have no intention of ever seeing you again. I hope you find whatever you are looking for.

Thomas

That should teach her. I wasn't furious at all. I told her the truth and only the truth. As I liked to say when I was out of patience, may she have it her way.

20 years 126 days

Today for the first time I asked Anna if we could have sex. We have been married for over two years now, officially. Yet she looked at me apologetically and asked if I was ready to be a father. Yet she said it wouldn't feel right to do it “for fun" and that it's a sin. Like if she ever cared about sinning. But may she have it her way. It's not that we actually loved each other, I just thought she would care to repay me for relieving her family of crippling debt. That's a pity. My marriage was doomed to be devoid of love from the very beginning.

20 years 167 days

Today something different happened. A few men barged into my home and told me I was recruited to the Royal Army. Damn it, I had long forgotten about the laws of recruitment. They told me that some rogue warlord from the west was coveting our lands and that it was my duty to protect it. I barely had any time to kiss Anna goodbye. And it was the first time I was writing my diary not at my home. The whole recruitment thing hurt me deeply. What right did they have to rip me from my own home, from my own family and quite possibly send me to my death. I marvel at my calmness regarding my current situation. If I ever return, it won't be the same. Also, I may not return at all. But I find myself completely calm. That's new – it's not like I've been placed so close to imminent death. But now I am. I hope this ends soon.

20 years 188 days

Nearly three weeks of intense training really exhausted me. That and bad food, no beds and the chill of early spring. I keep telling myself that I will make it. I haven't seen real battles yet but I already doubt that. At least, I met someone similar to myself. It was interesting to meet someone from as far away as Dirac'thos. Jed was recruited around the same time I was. He was a year younger than myself and still lived with his parents. He told me he would like to run away but I warned him that aside from running away he would run to his death – after all, that was exactly what he would do. A deserted recruit would be condemned to death by starvation in solitary confinement. Our thoughts then drifted away as we realised that we are, in a way, still condemned to starve. It's not like we were given any food and mostly ate what we procured ourselves. That was the life of a recruit in the royal army.

20 years 213 days

Today I took part in my first real battle. Although it was only an ambush for enemy troops. There were no casualties on our side, luckily. As I earlier found out, the warlord everyone spoke about is Eyriel. Legend has it that he once killed a gryphon barehanded. How stupid that sounds. Even though no one has seen a gryphon for five or more decades, everyone still knew that they wouldn't succumb to the might of a single man, no matter how strong. Additionally, gryphons were peaceful. The legend is either completely false, or very much twisted. Maybe that Eyriel guy decapitated a chicken once and tried to over-exaggerate it. That is if he had the balls to go do something by himself instead of sending a bunch of soldiers in his place. I have been here for just over six weeks and I already find myself using slang. I hope I am not degrading.

20 years 241 days

We've had an infiltration last week – a spy, as he referred to himself later when caught, tried to poison our water. And, apparently, he did. Four men and two horses died. May their souls rest in peace. The men, not the horses, I mean. When we caught the spy he gave out everything he knew and that was quite useful. Apparently Eyriel is planning to march straight into Anv'var next month – our sources said that he will hardly ever have enough troops for that, but seems like he already does. Maybe I'll die next month because of that. I try not to think about death too much, it gets under the skin pretty quickly. I tried writing poetry to relieve my, well, everything. My thoughts, my emotions and my regrettable physical condition. Lost like ten pounds already, feeling like hung over all the time. I've never drank enough to even feel slightly more dizzy, so I have no idea how it feels. But others that have been drinking in their time told me that it feels similar. All the more reasons not to drink too much. It's not like we have anything to drink, aside from an occasional pint of foul ale. Anyway, my poetry attempt is just like I predicted it – childish, immature and overall meaningless, just a rash attempt to get rid of lingering thoughts and feelings. Still, it is my first poem, after all.

20 years 304 days

I never wanted to die. I never wanted to be rich or superior to others. I just wanted to live my life while I'm still alive. And it just looks like that's the main problem – I may not be alive enough soon. Just the way I see things around myself makes me want to vomit. We hardly ever fought but even if we did, battle casualties would be just a dent in the crowd compared to how we are constantly dying now. Water is the only good thing around. Very few of us have body armour, there are even a few guys that don't have weapons or even clothes sufficient enough to survive harsh winter weather. Yesterday I gave my dagger to one of such men. It's hardly something, but I know what it would feel like to be completely armless. Just the fact that he has something sharp on himself will make him feel a bit better. That is, if it's possible to feel any better. The food is barely edible, one could benefit more from eating leaves off trees. Some of us do. Human life has no value anymore. The 8th division I've been assigned to is the only division with a relatively stable number of members. Those few that die are replaced instantly. About one man dies every day in the 8th, while some other divisions suffer from up to ten deceased daily. I have hardly any will left to live. Also, barely any ink left. That could be more of a problem.

20 years 352 days

Spring is coming. That's the only good thing that happened in the entire winter. Or, as to say, the only good thing that was bound to happen. Only about two hundred men died fighting in battles, the rest of them from vast total of over three thousand deceased were those who didn't survive the cold, the hunger or diseases caused by malnutrition or infections. We've been told that we'll be sent home as soon as next month. Good thing no one asked us if we believed them, because we certainly did not.

21 years 36 days

Neither I nor the others believed that our regrettable conditions could get any worse. But it could. And it did. If we had hardly any food before, now we had none at all. But luckily the 8th division consisted of a few creative guys, myself included. We had come up with less traditional means of procuring edibilities. Last week we hunted, or, more accurately, trapped an entire pack of feral wolves. Even if the dogs were quite skinny – it's spring, after all, they were still meat. Also, we had enough to feed the whole 8th division and the majority of us decided we should share the leftovers with some other guys. We had friends in the 11th, but there were so few men left in there, that what leftovers we had were enough to sate them completely for the time being. Now as I am full I can think more clearly. Perhaps about time I wrote something nice. On second thoughts, that will be very difficult due to my recent personal tragedy. The only person that I could call my friend in the entire camp – Jed, has passed. That was a few days before we caught the wolves. I knew him pretty well, he was the first one I met and actually spoke to. The other guys wanted to eat him – they were so desperate. And they would have if it weren't for me. He would often tell jokes about how I could use his blood for ink because he knew of my poems, one could even say that he was fascinated by them. So I drew his blood, because I was certain that his jokes were more or less serious. And I drew some of mine and used it to inscribe his headstone.

Here lies Jed of Dirac'thos,

A warrior of kind heart, a good friend and a son. He found no peace in this life, so may his soul rest in peace, sought so much. Your friends shall remember you as long as they draw breath.

21 years 84 days

We are now settled in the outskirts of Anv'var. The spy we caught some time ago told about Eyriel's plans about invading the city just to mislead us. But now he was actually about to breach. It is weird being so close to home and not getting to visit. What little time we have will be spent entrenching and bracing ourselves morally. This shall be the fight of the century. The only city that has defended itself successfully for three long decades will be engulfed in the flames of war. Or something like that. I think I am one of the few that have survived from the very beginning. I don't see any faces I used to see, aside from my own in the reflection. I don't know if it's a good thing, as I don't bother to think anymore. I want to die. I am tired of this exile. I want to go home or die trying. What bad have I done to deserve this, I have no clue.

21 years 130 days

Luckily, thoughts about death only linger for so long. I don't feel any better physically as I am spent and still hung over, as they say these days. But at least I want to live, just as before. No one breached the city yet, and judging from the arguably-reliable rumours, which are, by the way, referred to as intelligence in our encampment, no one will. At least not until people learn to fly or dig through solid rock.

21 years 184 days

We have gotten into an ambush earlier today. As the 8th division was sent to scout the forest ridges a few dozen miles south, no one expected an ambush but things happen. I was chosen as the unofficial representative of our unit as I was well spoken. I argued for the sake of my men, they weren't really my men, but I felt my responsibility. None of the divisions were capable of even slightly stealthy movement, the 8th was not an exception so I proposed that they send some of the rebellion groups. They were volunteers from the city, mostly men of around my age, like me, grown up in the streets. They were sneaky by nature as most of them were thieves or something down that road. Still, not only I was dismissed as completely senseless but also the general assigned a field marshal to look over us. And by look over I mean command our every breath, our every move. So we went to scout. More like a picnic with blades. I still thought scouts were supposed to be undetected but it's hard to remain unseen or unheard when you're a part of a hundred-man group with an idiot on a horse in front of us all shouting some “left right left" gibberish. We were an open target, a meat-stuffed eggplant on a silver platter. Thinking about that I got hungry. Now after the ambush happened I stationed myself alone in the woods as our group was scattered around the place. Instead of charging at the ambushers our assigned field marshal turned his horse around and left us to die. At least sixty of us were slaughtered, shot down or otherwise killed on sight. I was one of the lucky ones to run away relatively intact. Aside from the hole in my shoulder, of course. I don't even remember how that happened, it didn't even hurt at first so I feared it might be poisoned. But later I understood myself being wrong. I think I stopped the bleeding so I will sleep for several hours, hoping I won't be found.

21 years 185 days

I still can't believe what happened. After I resumed my trip I was seen through the not-so-dense foliage and began running. I ran into some canyon-like formation and fell into some stupid crevice. I still blame myself for stupidity but had I not done that, some other things would not have happened to me. Lucky for me I fell into an underground river having passed out just before that. Oh, I also woke up and blacked out a few more times before I felt someone doing something to my shoulder. It was a gryphon! I still can't believe that. I discovered that not only they were capable of magic but also some kind of mind-to-mind communication. Quite convenient at times. So she healed my shoulder and told me her name was Diane. And she was quite well-spoken, too. I couldn't notice any intentions to make harm to me and assumed it was because there were none. We shall see what future holds. She allowed me to stay where I was because, apparently, I fell directly into her home.

Diane felt like she already knew what happened so she again skipped just a few pages, hoping to find something new. Luckily, she did. But her heart skipped a beat when she began reading what's next.

21 years 195 days

Today we flew again. It was fun, just like it has always been. I just don't know what's happening to me anymore, although I couldn't say that I mind. I feel so much better when I'm around Diane. When she's near, the food tastes better, even the water is slightly sweet. And the sex, oh, the sex feels heavenly. The way she makes me feel her body is something that words fail to describe. I still ponder my thoughts, keep searching for that speck of sanity that should induce my guilt for my interspecies intercourse, but there is none. It just feels… right. I don't want to change it. I know it is weird, especially now that I'm trying to find sufficient words to describe it. I also suspect it may be love, that it may be that meaningful connection I've been craving for my entire live. I hardly done anything to deserve her by my side but I have her. And she has me. I never felt safer with her but after a few nights of private contemplation I find myself shy of my thoughts. It should not be that way. I slightly hate myself for not being courageous enough to say those three words, just those three simple words that would change my life forever. I just hope that whatever unconscious doubt I have will dissipate in the nearest-possible future.

Diane found herself greatly moved by her mate's secret confession. But she also felt guilty for intruding somewhere she shouldn't have intruded. Just as gryphons had a perfect control of their bodies, they could bend their own mind to their conscious will. She made her thoughts fade into somewhat irrelevant background and left the chamber to sleep and mull over her thoughts.

Thomas returned a while later bearing a slain deer on his shoulders. This exact kind of prey seemed abundant in these forests. When he entered the cave he was met by a pair of golden gryphon eyes, slowly blinking in still present morning stagnation, despite their previous carnal encounter. Little did she know that she wasn't the only one thinking intensely about their relationship and its future. Thomas dropped the dead equine on the floor and sat down next to her, close enough to feel her soft feathers and ever-pleasing warmth. He took her paw in his hand and wrapped his other hand around her mane. After a brief but deep sigh he spoke, both aloud and mentally, ensuring that he only spoke the greatest of truths.

“I have been thinking a lot lately. And so have you. I have only been gone for two hours at most, but I already missed you. It has been… what, two weeks since we met? I struggle to keep counting time when I'm with you because I am happy. And I am glad to think I am no longer unsure of my feelings. I love you, Diane."

He failed to keep speaking as she pressed her beak to his lips. It wasn't anything like furious contact of their oral areas, it was a true kiss, nothing more but pure love and affection flowing from both of them for each other. She kept up the conversation between their thoughts.

“I love you. I have never been so confident of what I say. I am glad to have truly known you, the way you are."

She stopped for a moment and took a breath as to brace herself.

“I read your diary."

She expected at least a hint of discontentment from Thomas, but he just smiled.

“I know."

“Are you angry with me?"

“Do I look angry?"

“No, but now that I think about it, I have never seen you angry."

“And you never will. I just could not imagine what you should do to make me such."

Her thoughts rippled and changed slightly. Thomas already suspected what it was all about. But he was eager, too. Diane was the first one to speak up.

“I want to give you something."

“And what that would be?"

“Me."

She placed her ever so soft paw on his chest and after a silent murmur, his clothes fell down to the ground as if his body wasn't there anymore. Diane was quick to lie down and present her form for him to enjoy. But instead of crawling on top of her, he got behind her and lightly straddled her haunches within his grasp.

“I also want to give you something."

She knew what it was, after all, his thoughts were completely unguarded for her to browse. And she didn't object, being quite curious and eager for new experiences. She looked away for just a moment and already felt his tongue on her folds. Her body shook due to intense sensations coming from her rear end. Her conscious was brimming with impending bliss, relishing the feeling provided by smooth swirls of her lover's tongue. Thomas was enjoying it too – not only she tasted like he imagined liquid love would taste, but he also felt her contentment and physical sensations through their connection. It was difficult to supress his own urges but for the sake of his mate he did his best. And his best was more than she could take, apparently. Clearly, she wasn't ready to be exposed to such intense pleasure at once. Just moments into his treatment they both could feel her imminent release. Thomas strengthened his grip on her paws when he felt her sex squeeze at his tongue. Her juices smeared his tongue as she cried her delight – it was nearly too much for Diane. Soon, her trembles ebbed to a trickle and he withdrew himself from her folds.

“I don't want to cause any misunderstanding or to imply that I didn't enjoy it, but why on earth would anyone do something like that?"

“Because it's fun. Besides, if I somehow come to have a beautiful and fluffy gryphon at my disposal, I might as well give her a lick here and there."

“I will want to switch sides and try it with you later."

“Later, because you have something else planned for this moment?"

“I do, but I don't want to ruin the surprise."

She got on all fours and lifted her rump for his comfort.

“I want you inside me. Don't make me wait."

“I have no intentions like that."

Thomas positioned himself at her entrance and prepared to hilt himself instantly. But Diane lowered herself slightly and he instead rammed his shaft deep into her tailhole. She arched her back and gasped.

“What are you doing?!"

“That's the surprise. Now mate me."

Thomas gave an answer in the form of a bestial grunt. As far as he knew, gryphons didn't need their tailholes for THAT purpose. All the refuse was destroyed by their magical aura. So that hole was probably for extra pleasure. She had less muscle control here, but that was weighed down by the default tightness. Her texture was smooth and silky, but the lack of lubrication made his sensations all the more powerful. He rammed his maleness into her depths while keeping a look on her reactions, not wanting to cause displeasure. But to his surprise, she basked in her own intense delight. Thomas made a promise to take her like that later, having switched sides, as they referred to their magic-based sexual experiments. Although all-fours position was a bit too animalistic for his liking, he still enjoyed the experience immensely. Despite his best efforts to hold himself for longer, he still felt his peak approaching. Gripping handfuls of her fur and pushing himself to her rear, he rammed into her rear one last time and relieved himself of his essence. It was like an explosion went off inside his brain, he completely lost track of time, the entire world dissipated, only his mate was left. That was the only thing that mattered now, or any other time. Soon he collapsed onto her flank, completely spent and so exhausted that his rigid pants took even more of his strength. Thomas was surprised to see Diane not even slightly winded. She turned around and kissed him, making him feel her heat and, apparently, her magic. He quickly ceased his deep and fast-paced breaths and lied down to relive the recent events in his mind, then he felt Diane join him in his mind. Very few words could describe what he felt that very moment.

“Bear in mind that I'll want to do this the other way, too."

“I know. Later today?"

Thomas chuckled at her enthusiasm. But he loved her, and he was more than eager to give her pleasure.

“You can count on that."

He still felt pleasant tingles in her ravaged tailhole, thanks to their connection. Then he remembered their previous act earlier today and the conversation that followed.

“You can begin learning that spell."

“Which one?"

“The one we spoke about this morning."

Diane's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, her bright golden irises sparkling in the darkness.

“Would… would you do that for me?"

“Yes, I would. I came to realise how stupid of me it was to doubt that. I only have you, and I only care about you. You chose to share your body with me, so I choose to get myself a new one to share with you."

His words warmed her heart to the very core and she embraced him tightly, completely uncaring about smearing their mess everywhere.

“I love you."

“I love you, too."

“That's very trite of us to say that."

“It doesn't matter, as long as it is the truth."

“I hope that will be the truth forever."

Now it was his turn to relish at her words. What little she said made him feel even better than before – he doubted it was possible.

“I will make sure it will."

Her gaze shifted slightly, turning to a sleepy one.

“Time for a midday nap?"

“I'd rather have some more fun, what do you say?"

“On second thoughts, the nap can wait"- she said with a laugh, lying down on her back once again.