Sanjiro
#3 of My Pokemon
My first memory is of you.
Beyond that memory, I still knew of you, before I knew who you were. I could sense you, feel you, though I could not see you. I knew you were not my father, nor my mother who birthed me but still... you protected me until a time I could protect myself. For that, I owed you my life.
I remember what a struggle it was to be freed of my confinement, once called a home, though I did not learn of the words till later to describe it. I could feel you but the wall divided us. I wanted to see you, know you. It was that growing desire that finally freed me, gave me the strength to push past the barrier and into the world.
I remember how bright everything seemed even though it was raining.
You picked me up from the broken fragments of my prison, held me close as I tried to comprehend everything. The world... it seemed so big. I wanted to return to the egg, where things didn't seem so large, but you held me and it felt okay. I could sense you, I could see you, it was good.
=*=*=
You seemed surprised at my rate of development and yet, you wouldn't let me fight. You and I would have the most bitter arguments about this matter despite our communication limitations. I wanted to prove myself in combat, you wanted to shield me and keep me from such a life. At that time, I felt that you didn't think I was capable of protecting you, defending you.
I didn't understand why you wouldn't allow me to fight until after seeing a human babe for the first time. It was no wonder you still treated me like a little pup though I was certain I could handle a battle or two. Human babes are weak things, deserving of the protection you bestowed to me. Discovering this, I felt less anger over why you wouldn't let me fight. You were protecting me as your own. For this, I gave you my loyalty though I still sought to prove myself to you.
I got my chance when that Vespiquen and several Combees attacked. We had been seeking honey from a tree and unknowingly disturbed them. Rather than forgive us, the Vespiquen sought to punish us, though mainly you, you for being human. I wouldn't let her hurt you. Not after what you'd done for me.
The Combees were using Sweet Scent, trying to get us to relax. I saw you fighting the effect of it but your lashes were fluttering and your eyes were diluting from the overwhelming stench. I tried to cover my nose and urged you to do the same but the Vespiquen attacked then, aiming at you with a Poison Sting attack. Using Detect, I leapt in front of you, taking the brunt of it though I was not harmed thanks to the move. Seeing me being attacked was enough to get you out of the Sweet Scent stupor but we weren't out of danger yet. The Vespiquen was buzzing loudly, sending a Gust attack our way. I managed to push you out of the way but the force of it hit me in the back and hurt more than I'd suspected it would.
You were calling to me, telling me to run, but I stood my ground. She wouldn't hurt you. Not with me here.
Running forward, I made a leap at her. She attempted to fire off another round of her Poison Sting attack but I used my Quick Attack that I'd been practicing when you were at school. She hit the ground and I took that moment to run to your side, deciding that now would definitely be the time to run. The Combees were frantic, circling round their queen, and we would be able to escape without them hindering us.
When we got home, the first thing you did was scold me. I was shocked. I hadn't done anything wrong! I'd protected you, as you'd protected me when I was unable to do so. It was then I began to see the tears in your eyes and how your body was shaking as you took me into your arms and held me. You were scared. For me.
I gave a soft sigh, accepting that for now, you would still view me as your pup. But one day, I wanted to be more than your pup. I wouldn't be little forever and the stronger I got, the better I'd be able to protect you.
=*=*=
On your tenth birthday, we went to get your Pokedex and the "starter Pokémon" from Professor Rowan. Personally, I thought starter Pokémon wasn't the proper term to use. I was your starter Pokémon, I had been with you from the moment of my birth, not some scraggly little thing from this professor.
Before we reached the professor's home, you'd stopped at a store with me. Lightly petting my head, you smiled and whispered,
"Silly Riolu, you know that you're the most important Pokémon in the world to me." You then used some of your money, money that was supposed to be used for your trip, to buy me a specially designed pokéball. One that had my name etched in it, the name you gifted me that day, to let me know how important I was to you.
Sanjiro. Admired.
With this name, I gave you my heart.
=*=*=
It wasn't as bad as I thought, having to travel with you and the other new Pokémon you caught. I could tell with the way you treated them that you cared for them and that they were important to you, but I could also tell that they were not "me" to you. You treated me a little differently, perhaps because I'd known you for so long. Then again, it might just have been that you knew how to read me and tell what I was thinking and feeling. In part, I knew the Aura helped with this matter but it still greatly pleased me that you were so adept at it.
It pleased me even more when you asked to have lessons in it.
Together, each night, we would train and meditate side by side. As a Riolu, I could see a little of the Aura. I knew when I evolved, I would be able to see it vividly but for now, I could see enough to train you.
The Aura is something special, something that is within us all. It is life, energy, and power. It is the thing that helped us to develop a bond further than most trainers and Pokémon could ever have. When I finally evolved into my final form of Lucario, we were able to take the training to its peak and do something that few, if any, had done.
We created a bond of Aura.
It wasn't as hard as one might think. As Lucario, I could easily see the wisps of Aura for what they were. Vibrant waves, waves that radiated off of everyone and everything. Trees, rocks, rivers, clouds...
You.
Yours were the most beautiful to me. Though I had seen glimpses of it, even within the egg, it was a whole other matter to see it without hindrance. Unfortunately, while you were adept at seeing wisps and sometimes more of the Aura, you couldn't see it to the same extent I could. Thus, we created the bond.
It was a matter of twining our Auras together, making two into one. We sat a space away from each other, seated for meditation, as we normally did, though with a different intent in mind this time. It took a few tries and much concentration to get the Aura to do as we wished but in the end, it was a success. By blending my Aura to yours and your Aura to mine, I was able to not only grant you the ability to see Aura through my eyes but also communicate with you telepathically.
Thus, we shared my powers.
=*=*=
It is hard to hide a secret from your best friend. It is doubly hard to hide a secret from your best friend when they have the ability to read Aura.
I have known for a long time that a relationship between human and Pokémon was not acceptable and yet... there was no one else for me. There would be no one else for me, Pokémon or other. However, I could not express these thoughts and feelings to you, not without you dismissing me from your sight forever.
As a result, after the creation of our bond, I grew distant from you. Not because I wanted to, but because I feared what you would see when I got too close. Would you see a waver in my normally steady cobalt Aura? Would my Aura that mingled with your soft coral Aura reflect my feelings to you? Would your Aura in mine signal to you what raced through my mind whenever I was near?
I couldn't chance it.
I know I hurt you by my detachment but it was for the best, really. That way we could still be together without you ever finding out... and so that I could still be near you and protect you. If you sent me away, no one would be able to protect you, not to the same ability that I could. I had to stay by you, albeit at a length, just so I could ensure your safety and not lose my mind in the process.
Things have an odd way of changing though...
It was raining again, much like the day of my birth. The sky was gray, hazy, with the sunlight escaping the clouds through one or two small holes. It was warm and the scent in the air was fresh, clean and wet with a hint of crushed grass. We were walking through the forest, or rather, you were walking through the forest while I leapt from branch to branch, keeping watch for whatever Wild Pokémon might rush through the brush.
We made it to a clearing and I leapt down, reluctantly, unable to find another subtle way to keep my distance. Your hair was wet and curled, as it normally does, small droplets falling from it to the ground. The shirt you wore was soaked, hugging your curves and the warmth in the air still wasn't enough to keep your nipples from peaking.
I hadn't realized I was staring until you sharply turned your head towards me, as though sensing something in my Aura. I stumbled backwards, yelping as I slipped on a wet spot of moss. I fell back on my ass and tried to scramble up, realizing how stupid that must have looked. Not to mention how obvious it must have been that something was up.
"Sanjiro." I paused in my frantic attempt to get up and pretend nothing had happened. The sound of my name being whispered through those lips, your lips, was enough to make me freeze.
Looking up to you, my ears slowly lowered. I felt that I had done something wrong, though I hadn't. The way you said my voice though, it was hard to decipher. Your Aura wasn't much easier to read and that confused me deeply. I, above all others, should be able to read you. Yet, in that moment, I could not. It made me feel as though I were falling, knowing the bottom was near, waiting for an impact that I couldn't see.
"Sanjiro..." You repeated, a cheerless smile spreading on your lips as your eyes filled with pain.
I'm sorry! I didn't mean to love you! Please, don't send me away!
"... what did I do to make you hate me?" Tears had formed by the time you whispered the words and your hands frantically flew to suppress them but I grabbed on of your hands, on my feet in an instant after you spoke.
[...I could never hate you.]
"We use to be so close... Now you barely stay within five feet of me, Sanjiro." You tried to pull your hand away from my paws but I held it tight, tugging your fingers to press them against my chest, where you could surely feel the beating of my heart, the heart I had given you without your knowing.
_I stated these words firmly, stressing the emphasis on 'never.' [You are everything to me! To you I owe my life, my loyalty, my power, and...]
You yanked your hand out of my paws with a force that shocked me. Your Aura flared up, the soft pink darkening to an almost red color.
"I don't want you to owe me anything, Sanjiro!" Your hands flew in the air, punctuating the frustration I could see flickering in your Aura. I could feel your anger in the licks of pink/red that mingled in my blue, just as I'm sure you could feel my pain and hurt in the slips of my Aura in yours._
My ears could fall no lower. I wanted to tell you how much you meant to me, how you were the only one for me... but I couldn't form the words to 'speak.' To do so, to utter such things, such wishes of a future with you, would seal my fate. You would disown me as your Pokémon.
Clutching my paw into a fist, I shut my eyes, trying to block out the ache in your Aura, a pulse that called to mine, begging me to soothe you, to calm you and reassure you. I did none of these things and fought to maintain calm over myself and my Aura, which you were surely reading.
"Sanjiro..." I flinched as I heard you take a step towards me. There was silence for a heartbeats time followed by the soft words, coming forth as more of a sob. "I release you."
[WHAT?!]
I opened my eyes in time to see you pull out my cherished pokéball, the one you had bought for me seven years prior, with my name etched into it with a gold now fading with use.
[NO!] I made to jump, wanting to grab it from you, stop you.
But it was too late.
Your finger pressed down on the white button on the orb, held down for scant seconds, seconds one would think nothing of if they weren't being used to destroy ones life. I felt something wash over me, something invisible that made me feel nauseated and chilled, and knew that the ball had erased my data from it. Erased what made me hers. Mere seconds...
I was falling to the ground, the last thought in my head before I passed out not my own, but hers.
~I love you, Sanjiro.~
Then, you left me with nothing.
=*=*=
When I awoke, you were gone. I called for you, screamed for you, but you didn't answer. I cried out in voice and thought, not distinguishing for who might hear me or find me, not caring. The Auras of plants and rocks, soaked from the rain, flashed and flared in response, but it wasn't you. I needed you!
[COME BACK!]
Pidgeys and Butterfree, Starly and Mothim took to the air, fleeing from me as their Auras flashed in panic. In blind panic, desperate to find you, I ran, seeking you. Not until my paws bled and my lungs burned did I stop. Braced against a tree, unable to stand otherwise, I did howled for you. It was only then that I saw the flashes of pink within my blue. My heart leapt and I felt hope.
We were still bonded.
Calming myself, forcing myself to meditate while leaned against the tree, trying to ignore the pain in my feet and the pulsing of my blood, I listened. I strained to listen, strained to hear you. Feel you.
I could feel it. A wounded, throbbing sensation. For a few minutes, I mistook it for my own pain until I realized that it was different. Heavier, stronger...
I followed it.
Even though I had been mad with grief, somehow I'd still chosen the direction you'd taken. We were that connected, couldn't you see? Why had you done that, why had you left me? When you loved me, why? How could you love me then leave me?
These questions ran over and over again in my head, repeating, taunting, but I kept moving. I needed to find you.
And find you I did.
You had made camp for the night. I was hurt at the sight. We had always done it together, I setting up the tent that you had trouble with and you gathering firewood and making dinner. Yet... this was different. The tent was crooked, almost falling in on itself as though whoever had done it hadn't had the heart to see it done properly. There was no cheery fire going, no smell of food wafting in the air... no, the only thing in the air was the scent of tears...
And there you were.
You were sitting on a fallen tree, your body curled forward as you clutched something in your hands, something I couldn't see because your hair obscured your face and my vision. Your weeping was marked by muffled sobs, gasping, wrenching things that pained me to hear...
But why were you crying?
I moved closer and your head came up, showing flushed cheeks and trails of tears. The Aura around you had been low, barely rising above your skin, as though weighed down. At the sight of me, it bolstered and rose, flaring to life. Then it collapsed on itself and fell deeper within you, out of my sight.
I came closer and finally noticed what you were holding.
Knuckles white, your hands were gripping my pokéball with such intensity I feared you would break it.
"Sanjiro..." The way you spoke my name, as though you were wounded. I couldn't stand it. I was by your side in an instant, kneeling before you.
"Sanjiro." The pokéball fell from your grip, falling with a muffled thud onto the ground. I was about to protest and pick it up but you were in my arms so suddenly, speaking words that I could barely make out through the sobs.
"I'm sorry, Sanjiro. Please forgive me. I love you... I love you so much, Sanjiro." Your head was buried into my shoulder, your tears wetting my fur but I didn't care. I had my own tears hidden in my eyes.
[I... I love you too.] I was pained to say the words though, knowing you would only ever love me as your pet.
"I'm sorry, Sanjiro," you quietly cried. "Ever since you saved me from the Vespiquen... I've had feelings for you. I know I'm just a human, I'm not good enough for you... I thought, if I let you go, you would find your own happiness... but I missed you so much, I wanted you to find me." There were a few large sobs. "And here you are! I'm so selfish!"
Your words slowly began to sink in. You didn't release me because you were disgusted with me... you did it because you'd been disgusted with yourself.
I pulled away from you, your arms going slack as you let me do so. I could see you bracing yourself for rejection, for the same hurt I'd expected from you. I brushed your tears away with my paw, watching your eyes blink a few more out. Gently, I wiped them as well. Then, slowly, allowing for you to move away if you wanted to, I tilted my head so I could maneuver my muzzle and softly kiss your lips.
That night, I gave you my body. And you gave me yours.
I tore your shirt off with my claws, shredding your bra underneath. I tried to be careful about your skin but there were marks left behind and drops of crimson to attend to. I licked the worst of it with my tongue, making a note to be more mindful, but your delicate moans as my tongue flicked against your skin were making it hard to concentrate.
Removing the rest of you bra, I went to work on the pants but you were already struggling with the button and the zipper, trying to get out of them. My shaft was already starting to slide out, watching you wriggle in those jeans. It made me think of all the times I'd traveled behind you, getting a good look at your ass as you walked.
Finally freed of the jeans and thong, you turned to me, your nervousness so apparent I didn't even need to look at your Aura. I wanted to promise to be gentle but I couldn't. I'd waited far too long to be gentle.
I pushed you down onto the grass, straddling you as your breasts flounced, your eyes wide. I had watched you develop, grow into the woman you were now. I had always been fascinated by your breasts, how something had grown where there was nothing. Whenever I had tried to peek when we were younger, you'd always scolded me and yelled.
I didn't hear you yelling now.
I brought a paw to your breast, marveling at how it felt. Warmth radiated from it as I kneaded it in my paw, liking the supple feel. The center, a dusky red color, perked up as I touched your chest. Curious, I did the same thing with my other hand to your other breast. The same thing happened... and you moaned.
I gave a whine in reply, my shaft growing harder as it slid further out. Your eyes were hazy as they focused in on it, reaching a hand to touch but I growled. No. If you touched me, I wouldn't be able to contain myself.
"Sanjiro..."
The sound of my name, so breathlessly spoken, made my loins tighten and I whined again, aching to just bury it in you and fuck you till we both screamed out. But I wanted a chance to touch you... just in case you never let me do this again.
I remembered, from watching the human babes that they fed from these nipples. I had always been curious if you produced milk here, the same way your mother had with your brother, but had never asked (as most questions about your breasts at the time had made you very angry and prone to throw things at me). Now, I would have an answer.
Bringing my head down, still using one hand to squeeze and play with your other breast, I ran my tongue over your breast. You squirmed and arched, gasping softly as I licked at your nipple, bringing it to its full peak. Then, I seized it in my mouth, sucking.
"Sanjiro!" Your hips bucked with full force under me and I groaned, shaft harder than I'd ever had it before. I kept sucking, rolling your nipple around in my mouth. I wasn't getting any milk but your reactions were making me crazy. It was almost as though your reactions were my own, that by giving your pleasure I was receiving the same.
Trying the other one for a few minutes, just in case the first was dry, a scent reached my nose, something that made my mouth water. I didn't know what it was but I was definitely going to find out. Abandoning your nipples for the moment, I sniffed along your skin, watching it rise and fall as you panted. No, not there... but it was your...
Moving off of you, I continued to sniff lower along your body, nose just barely touching your skin. As I got closer to the scent, your legs squeezed shut, blocking me, and I felt a snarl leave my lips.
"Sanjiro. What are you-?"
I nudged your legs apart, using my paws to push at your knees, opening them, while shoving my nose towards that delicious scent. You tried to press your legs closed one more time before giving in, though you still struggled and squirmed a little. I didn't see why, you were beautiful...
Lowering my head, I closed my eyes to savor the scent coming from your crotch. It smelled like the Liechi berry, very sweet, very spicy, with a hint of tart... I wondered if it tasted the same...
Plunging my tongue in, your body arched from the ground, you breasts raised forward as I kept thrusting my tongue in and out, trying to get every last drop. However, the more I licked and sucked, the more juice you produced and the harder I ached till I couldn't wait any more.
Your Aura was dancing and sparkling, your vibrant pink mingling with my dark blue colors, swirling and mixing, joining, as we would soon be joined. There was an energy to the air despite the silence that hung, as though nothing else mattered in the world but this moment. To me, there was no truer statement.
I tried to enter you slowly, to ease the pain I knew you would feel, but I just couldn't contain myself. One quick thrust and I claimed you as mine. I was no longer to be viewed as your pup. I was your protector, your partner. I would make you see that and you would want for no other.
I could smell blood in the air from our joining but it only drove me wilder. I knew you had been unclaimed but the proof of it made me grow savage with my claiming. I couldn't stop myself from thrusting deeper and deeper into your warmth. Your shrieks only encouraged me to continue, making me want to take you harder. The way you felt around me, squeezing, it was so good.
Your legs wrapped around me, pulling me tighter to you. It made it more difficult to thrust properly but I adapted. Our Auras were snapping, popping without sound around us. The blue and pink were churning together till the two became an indistinguishable one, a rich purple that flared higher and higher until...
[Ahhh!]
I released myself into your warmth, our Aura shattering as you came with me, pieces of it falling around us, sparkling like dust, before settling on our bodies and gradually building itself back to normal, albeit still purple. A lesson of a memory long ago came to my mind, something I had read or seen, though I couldn't remember where I'd gotten it.
As we learn to see the Aura, we learn to see each other for what we really are.
The same.