The Fattest Link
The Fattest Link Written by grrside
It all happened last May, when a heat wave hit my town. I wasn't too worried about it as when I'm home I just strip down to my shorts and turn on the air conditioner. My neighbours however don't have one because, according to them, they are "bad for the environment", but I just know that the only reason they don't have one is because the head of the family is such a miser. He never wants to spend money in "luxurious crap that we could live without thirty years ago". His wife told him to at least buy an inflatable pool for their son, and he agreed to purchase one. And by "purchase" what I mean of course is that he rung my bell and asked me if I had any old one laying around. "Well..." I said while scratching the back of my shorts. "I had a small one when I was a kid, I think it has to be lost somewhere in the basement..." I invited him to hang around in the living room while I searched the basement. If it's something that old, it would probably be in one of those cardboard boxes sitting on top of that old cupboard... *CRASH!* Damn! Its contents splattered all over the floor! I began picking up the mess, most of it consisting on albums full of black-and-white photographs of my then 12-year-old father and my grampa. I noticed something peculiar about my grampa's photos, in some ones he appeared with a huge belly, and in other ones he was very skinny, but my father remained the same age which meant these changes in his weight must have occurred in a short span of time. Maybe my grandpa had a eating disorder back then. Then I noticed a strange figurine among all the discarded albums. Its pose reminded me of a Buddha statue, but instead of a bald man in a tunic it was a frog holding its big belly with its hands. Some sort of joke item? Even though it was small, it was heavy. I wondered if it's made bronze? It was very dusty and its edges were worn out... "Ouch!" As I was examining the figurine I had slit my fingertip with one of its broken edges. I put my wounded finger inside my mouth as a small droplet of blood fell on top of a deflated rubbery material. "Oh, that's the one!" I went upstairs and gave the small inflatable pool I used to play in as a kid to my neighbour. "It looks old. Are you sure it hasn't got any holes ripped on it?" He said with a serious expression on his face as he examined the deflated pool.. That's why I had always hated my neighbour. Always asking for free stuff, and then pointing out that their quality are not exactly to his liking. I don't even know why I still bother.
***
All that poking around in the basement had made me hot and sweaty. I went to my bedroom and turned on the AC. Through the window I could see my neighbour in his garden, looking at the deflated pool scratching the back of his head. He left it on the grass and went to his garage to get an air pump. It was one of those that worked by stepping on its pedal with your foot. My neighbour, apart from being a greedy bastard, was also very clumsy. I'm sure this will be hilarious to watch. I grabbed a cold can of beer from the fridge and returned to my bedroom, discreetly watching my neighbour from my window. My neighbour put the air pump on the ground and connected it to the pool's air blower. He put his feet on the pedal, but it didn't budge. He tried again, pressing it harder, his face red and with a painful expression. "Yup, I wasn't wrong, this is hilarious!", I thought to myself as I opened my can of beer. He put both of his hands on the pedal and pressed again, this time using all the weight of his body. He pressed, his face completely red, until the stuck pedal finally gave up and went down in a quick motion, my neighbour smacking his face into the ground along with it. He punched the grass in pure rage while shouting obscenities at the inanimate object. The whole scene looked like ripped straight out from those overly stupid viral YouTube videos. I couldn't help myself. "Hahahahaha! Hahaha! Ha-" *BURP* Damn, he had made me burp even before taking a single sip from my beer. This only made me laugh more. My neighbour finally recovered his composure "Okay, now that you're more cooperative, let's inflate the damn thing.", he said. He put his foot on the pedal, and this time it seemed to move with no problem. *FART* Wow, that Mexican food I ate for lunch sure went down fast. "What the...?!" My neighbour said as the pool deflated again. He began pumping again, this time much faster. I felt something weird in my belly in that moment, it's like a giant flux of gas was being pumped into it. *PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFT* "What the fuck?!", my neighbour said as the pool deflated completely in less than three seconds. "I knew it! The damn thing is broken!", he said angrily. He touched the rubbery surface. "It has no one, but two holes on it expelling all the air I pump into it!" He went to the garage and came back with a roll of black duct tape. He ripped two pieces of it and put it them on each hole. Then began pumping again. I felt the gas inside me again, it was going to be an even louder fart this time. I prepared myself for the blast...but nothing came out. No matter how hard I tried, nothing would come out. I was so perplexed I even tried removing my shorts and separating my buttcheeks with my hands, but no dice. The pressure inside my belly was horrible, I felt so much gas I couldn't help to think that my belly was starting to expand to in order to accommodate it. Well, actually... I went to the mirror and examined my belly. It wasn't my imagination, It was bigger! I've never been so fat in my life. In my youth I've always been the skinny one, actually. And it kept on expanding on short, rhythmical bursts, just like the pool my neighbour was inflating! Wait, what if... It was a very absurd idea, but I couldn't help but think that these two events were related. I just had to try, I had to stop my neighbour! I opened the window and tried with all my strength to yell at him to stop that right now, but no sound came out from my voice. It's like I couldn't expel any air from my body. Wait, were those holes in the pool somehow connected to...my mouth and anus? That damn bastard! Putting duct tape over them! My eyes gazed down with shock at my belly as it kept on expanding, now hanging over my thighs, my crotch now hidden from my view. My arms swelled as did my legs, which were starting to squash my poor cock between them. My face wasn't left untouched either, with my chin now directly touching my chest it gave the impression I had no neck. I needed to stop my neighbour, but I couldn't talk to him! I had to get outside, but my shorts didn't fit any longer in my now ridiculous body! I gave up and went outside wrapped in just a large towel. Our gardens were right next to each other, but my new body fat made it look like an infeasible task. I hated the sensation of my flabby skin flapping around as I ran. My neighbour was so concentrated on filling the pool that he didn't even turn around when I got to him. I patted him on the back and when he finally saw me his mouth opened in pure shock at the fat, almost naked man in front of him. "Who are you?! D-Don't get any closer! Y-You can take this pool! And my wallet! Just let me live!" He said as he ran away and locked himself inside his own house. I shrugged, at least now I wasn't expanding any more. I went to the pool and removed one of the pieces of duct tape. I cleared my throat, and said "Testing, testing..." I had recovered my voice! And every time I talked a flow of air escaped from the hole in the pool. I removed the other piece of duct tape but as I did I was surprised by a constant flow of gas escaping my buttcheeks lifting my towel and now my fat butt was exposed in the middle of the street. I clumsily tried to cover my bottom but as I did so my foot stepped on the towel and I fell backwards into the kiddie pool. *POP!* My massive frame had crushed the pool and made it explode into pieces, breaking the strange mystical link between the pool and my body, and now the body fat was mine to keep.
***
I figured out it all began when I cut my fingertip with the frog figurine. Over the following months I tried again and again to make another spiritual link. Five minutes ago, I inflated a red balloon, then spilled a drop of my blood on it, then deflated the balloon, but my body was still a huge mass of body fat. Maybe it only works once per person...I should probably just sell the damn figurine and forget about it. I glanced at my pathetic naked body one more time and I couldn't help but look away in disgust. I gave a depressed sigh as I threw away the deflated balloon into a trash can full of similarly deflated items.
THE END