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21.

I sat on the floor of our cell, watching Dimitri do one handed push-ups. We'd just got back from breakfast and I had a little while before the State mandated religious services started. I hadn't asked Dimitri if I could go yet, afraid of what he might say. His exercising was almost hypnotically relaxing but if I kept watching his muscles ripple under that striped orange fur much longer I'd forget what I had to ask him.

"Sir?"

Dimitri grunted.

"Can I go to one of the church services?"

Dimitri stopped, not the least bit out of breath yet. "I thought you were an atheist."

"Agnostic," I corrected him.

"Same thing," he grumbled. "Sure. It's nice to see you trying to cleanse that sinful soul of yours," he said with a chuckle.

"Thank you, sir," I chirped. That was easier than I could have hoped.

"Which one you going to?" he asked as he stood and stretched.

"Uh, I was thinking Orthodox Carnavist. I-it was what I was when I was younger," I might have lied. The truth was my family was never all that religious. I remember going to some of the seasonal services when I was a pup, but as soon as I was old enough to stay home alone, I found more productive ways to spend my holidays. I couldn't recall the denomination.

"Oh," Dimitri remarked casually.

The Carnavist religion was primarily followed by furs whose ancestors ate the ancestors of other furs. Carnivores. In the normal world, it really didn't matter what branch you practiced, but inside these walls everything took on a distasteful air of speciesism. Canines were expected to attend the Orthodox service, while felines were expected to attend those of the Reformed sect. I didn't give a care which one I had to sit through, as long as I was with Hash. It was far from the purest of motives, I know, but Hash was more real to me than any abstract faith.

"Let me know what you think of it," Dimitri said as he put his shirt back on. "Maybe sometime you can come with me to the Reformed service."

I had no clue what the differences were. I think it was about the bureaucratic structuring, or maybe what hats the founders used to wear. There were some wars over it during the dark ages. "I would like that," I lied, "but I'd probably stick out and just be a distraction." I'd make this a weekly habit for Hash, but the thought of having to be on my best behavior with Dimitri, bored out of my mind and glared at by ninety percent of the felines was not how I'd choose to spend my sundays.

***

I was at the back of the line of inmates making our way to one of the prison's cafeterias that would serve once a week as a chapel. Most of the furs that were going were either first timers looking for comfort in this living hell, or furs who had been here for a long time and were hoping for a fresh start in the next life, after having thoroughly fucked up this one.

I kept wanting to sprint ahead I was so eager to meet up with my coyote friend. The lines of inmates were ushered into an exact replica of the cafeteria those in Cellblock-H and the surrounding wing used, but the tables and benches were folded and stacked against the wall. Pews, out of place with their ornate carved sides and organic looking wood, were arranged over half the floor. A large triangle, representing the Great Food Chain, was mounted behind a cheap podium that served as a pulpit.

I found Hash in the back row, just like he said. He saw me too, and we both waved with an embarrassing display of enthusiasm.

"Hash!" I excitedly whispered, unsure what the appropriate noise level was for this event.

He stood and gave me a quick hug. "I was worried you weren't coming."

"Why wouldn't I?"

He gave me a reproachful look. "You punched Jake."

My ears flattened. "How does word travel so fast in here? We're locked up most of the day!" I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I know I was stupid, but I think me and Jake are finally starting to work things out," I smiled.

"Vince is pissed. But he's working on convincing the guard that witnessed it that he was hallucinating the whole thing," he said with a laugh.

I hung my head.

Hash reached over and took my hand. "Ever been to one of these things?"

"No."

"They always start with testimonials or something." He smiled, "I dare you to go up and say something."

I giggled. "I could say I'm thankful I found out what's been causing that contagious rash. You can count how many furs shift uncomfortably." Hash started cracking up. "Then I'll casually mentioned that some furs might want to get tested."

When Hash stopped laughing he said, "I'll go up and tell everyone Vince is willing to forgive the gambling debt of the fur that can recite the most scripture to him. That'll confuse the he'll out of him when all these random furs start getting religious on him."

Me and Hash behaved completely inappropriately, jabbing each other in the ribs and whispering one liners about any fur that caught our attention. It made me feel normal, like what I was before all this. It felt so good that I started to worry about what would happen when it was over, but the look on Hash's face made it all worth it. He was really enjoying the normalcy too.

By the time the unenthusiastic preacher got up to start singing a hymn, me and Hash were pressed against each other. Despite having the back row to ourselves, I couldn't get close enough to my coyote. And more than just putting up with my neediness, Hash wrapped his arm in mine and pulled me tighter.

The preacher was a stern looking wolf with a graying muzzle that would have made him look distinguished if it wasn't for the permanent frown etched into his face. A common theme with the Carnavists was atonement for the original sin of eating the tastier of our fellow furs during the age of the ferals. Why would we be held accountable for things done before any fur was fully sentient? And then he started to tell us that we needed to atone for the crimes that put us here, that this wasn't a punishment fit for those who would be righteous, but it provided the chance for us to punish ourselves. He had no fucking clue what I'd been through.

Hash leaned in. "Don't think so much. You get all self righteous and upset. And that makes me upset."

He cared. "Sorry. You're right. It's just hard to get my mind off everything when this fur," my whispering took on a slight edge even as I tried to keep calm, "is being such a," I pumped my fist in the internationally recognized symbol for jerk-off.

Hash got a mischievous look in his eyes. He glanced around grinning. If it had been any other fur, I would have been nervous, but my faith in the coyote was total.

"Regal," he pressed his muzzle to my ear, his breath coming in hot puffs. "I know how to relax that mind of yours." Amazingly, he managed to get closer, wiggling his near arm behind my back and putting his other hand on my arm. My heart was thudding like a jackhammer, I was so afraid I was hallucinating this.

Please be real, I prayed.

"Promise me two things," Hash breathed in my ear.

"Anything." I moaned softly at the feel of having his arms around me.

"Promise me if you want me to stop, you'll tell me."

"I'd never wan-"

"Shh! Not so loud," Hash nestled his head on my shoulder. "Promise."

He could do anything he wanted and I'd never want him to stop if he was finding pleasure. But if it would make him feel better, "I promise."

I looked forward at all the furs absorbed in their own lives and troubles. The bored wolf began to lead an out of tune hymn. We were ignored and the singing was loud enough to give me and Hash more privacy than either of us were used to.

"What's the other one?" I asked.

Hash lifted his head so his muzzle touched mine, pushing my head up. I shivered with desire as he slid down, his arms wrapped tight around my waist. I put my arm around his shoulder, squeezing him close. I wanted us to melt into one. I wanted Hash to always be with me. It was at this point I realized I truly loved Hash. Not puppy love, not lust, but a real love.

The coyote's paws slowly started loosening my pants. He was giving me every opportunity to stop him, to say what I could never say to him. My oversized shirt was getting untucked, coyote hands tracing over my bony hips until my pants were open and my shirt concealed those sandy paws.

Hash stopped. I looked down at him. He was still wrapped around me, and my arm around him. "Please, don't stop," I whispered.

Hash's hand slipped down my pants, caressing my cock. His hand was already warmed from playing over my fur, but they could have been ice cubes and I still wouldn't have complained. His hands were so tender in their manipulation, his fingertips stroking every inch me, like he was memorizing every contour of my dick.

I started panting before Hash finally wrapped my hard cock in his soft hand and began a slow pumping. My body spasmed with pleasure and my only fear in the world was that I'd be unable to keep my moans softer than the scratchy speakers that amplified the bored wolf's droning sermon.

"Hash," I breathed, "God, don't stop!"

The coyote pumped faster, hearing the desperation in my voice. I felt the radiating heat coinciding with every muscle tensing. Electric currents of pleasure shot through me as I came into Hash's cupped fist with a screeching gasp.

His head was under my arm and he looked up with the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. I looked around frantically, but no one noticed this life changing event. How was that possible? My emotions felt like bursting fireworks, vivid enough to wake the dead. I looked back to Hash, if anyone should share my elation, it was him. "I love you!" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

Oh fuck! If my gray fur could have turned crimson, it would have. You don't don't say shit like that after getting off. It sounds so impulsive, so disingenuous. I turned my face away, but held him tight, afraid he would vanish.

"Regal," he whispered and waited until I had no choice but to look into his eyes. "I love you too."

My heart fluttered in a pure ecstasy I'd never felt before.

"The other promise," Hash said. Anything. "Remember that. The next time Jake teases you, and no matter what you have to do in here." Hash turned away, blankly looking at the preaching wolf. "Remember it, no matter what you see Vince make me do..."

I pulled him even closer into me, wishing for all the world that I could shield him like he had protected me. He looked up at me again and smiled, the dark cloud had passed. Hash pulled his sticky paw from my pants, looking at it, then looking at me with his glowing smile.

I tugged on my shirt and moved to wipe my jizz off the coyote. Hash pulled his hand away, giving me a look of mock sternness. "Mine," he declared, slowly bringing it to his maw and dabbing his tongue to his palm. Closing his eyes, he smacked his lips like he was sampling a fine wine. "Delicious," he whispered.

I blushed harder and dipped my head below the top of the pews, bring my head closer to Hash, who was now close to reclining on my lap. "Can, can I try?"

Hash's smile widened. "Kinky little fox."

I took his hand, holding it like a holy relic, and put my lips over his finger, sucking slowly and letting my tongue drag over the soft pads as I pulled it out with a faint popping sound. It turns out I am pretty tasty.

"I love you," I whispered again. It sounded so nice to say. I wanted to scream it, but I was reminded we were still in a religious service when they started another hymn. More up tempo this time, like my mood. The two us spent the rest of the service bent in a little huddle exchanging I love yous and taking licks of Hash's hand until it was spotless and wet.

A horrible thought occurred to me. "We can't tell anyone, can we?"

Hash shook his head sadly.

I knew why. "They'd use it against us," my ears flattened as I said it. Hash nodded. Seeing the sadness in his eyes killed me.

"It doesn't matter," he told me. "We know it. And eventually we're both going to get out of here. I promise you, we'll make it."

I thought about what Blake had said. That they were going to charge me for assaulting Jake, and that I might have to stay here longer... and that Blake promised I wouldn't live long enough for it to even matter. But for Hash I kept it together. If it really was as hopeless as I feared, I'd need to do something. I couldn't let my coyote suffer over my fucked up life. I'd have to do something, but I had no idea what I could do.

***

Dimitri was back in the cell before I arrived. "Well?" he asked in a disturbingly similar tone to the one he'd use when he'd make me tell him what I had to do for a client. Could he smell the cum on me? Cold pricks of perspiration began dotting me. "How was church?"

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Um," How did it go, I wondered myself. I was in fucking love! But I couldn't share that. And I was scared to death Blake or Piter would kill me now that I found a reason to live. "Conflicted, sir."

Dimitri blinked slowly. "What does that mean?"

I really should have paid more attention. "Uh, the, uh, preacher talked about forgiveness. And how we should atone for our crimes. And, um, that sounds like it's hard to do, but I want to... so, conflicted." I smiled at my quick thinking half-bullshit.

Dimitri nodded somberly. "I see. Well, I'm proud of my pet for looking into it. Good boy," he ruffled my hair.

"Does this mean I'm not in trouble any more?"

Dimitri laughed. "You still need to get punished for fighting with Jake." My ears drooped and my tail stopped wagging. "But it won't hurt. I already know what you and Jake's punishment is gonna be," his smile did nothing to assuage the rising unease.

"W-w-what are you going to do, sir?" Dimitri's grasp on the word "hurt" was tenuous at best.

The tiger held my arms and looked down at me. "Regal, stop shaking."

I hadn't noticed I started, but hearing Dimitri use my name again had a calming effect that slowed my racing pulse. He waited for my trembling to subside before continuing.

"That's better. There's nothing to be afraid of. I just need you and Jake to not be at each others throats. I can't be pulling you two apart and watching for Piter to make his move at the same time."

"But we're good now. You fixed everything over breakfast," I hoped.

"Then this won't be an issue for you." Dimitri gently moved me out of his way and moved toward his bunk.

"What won't be an issue?"

Dimitri smiled faintly. "A private show for your owner."

Oh, this was not a good idea. "Um, sir?"

Dimitri flopped down, holding his headphones. He looked at me.

"Jake might not be up to it. I mean he's still kinda afraid of you," I spoke slowly and tried to read his face for signs I was pushing too much.

Dimitri just sighed and put his headphones on. "So were you. You got over it. Mostly."

His eyes were fixed on his TV. The discussion was over. I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. This was bad. I wanted to grab hold of Dimitri a shake some sense into him. There was no reason for this! Jake and I were working things out now, I was finally dealing with my own insecurities. This would fuck it all up.

I slid down the wall in my corner and tried to think this through.

***

When the klaxon announced lunch time, I was no closer to a solution. Dimitri was standing up, ready for the cell doors to open.

"Sir? Can I be the one to talk to Jake about this?" I couldn't believe I was asking to be the one to destroy the red fox's illusion of putting his Dimitri-nightmare behind him.

Dimitri shrugged. "If it makes you happy."

I cringed. If only I had more time to convince Dimitri this was a dangerous thing to try with Jake. "A-are you sure you don't want to just play with me all evening?"

"We will play. But you and Jake need to learn your lesson."

"I hit him! It was my fault. Please, sir, don't hurt Jake again."

Dimitri was on me before I could blink, pinning me against the bars. Anger flashed in his eyes before he took a few deep calming breaths. "Pet," he said through clenched teeth, "you are getting real close to going too far. I'm going to say this one time, and then the matter is closed. Nod if you understand."

Nod, I did. My head knocked against the bars but I was too petrified to give it much notice. Dimitri's hot breath still smelled of breakfast and I was struck with absurd thought, what if he bit me? Funny how the mind works under duress.

"You know me, pet. You know I keep my word. I promise you I won't hurt Jake, ok? There's only two ways to kill a grudge in here. Fucking or fighting. And I don't want to see my pup get his ass kicked."

I processed what the tiger was growling at me. Dimitri, in his fucked up logic, was trying to do the right thing. He really thought he was doing what was best for us. If only I had time... If this road was closed for now, I'd just have to hope I could reason with Jake.

I surprised the huge tiger by flinging my arms around as much of him as I could and nuzzling into to his chest. Dimitri was like a force of nature. What good was it getting mad at a storm? In time, maybe, I could get through the the fur beneath all the thunder and lightening. It would be a long, slow process, but it was looking like I'd have a depressing abundance of time behind bars unless things changed.

Dimitri had no idea the thoughts that were running through my fox brain. But he could understand the affection I was giving and put an arm around me in a return embrace.

***

I could hardly look at Jake as we ate. Dimitri kept his promise and was going to let me be the one to arrange everything. And Jake was looking more relaxed than he had in a long time.

"How's your lip?" I asked to break the silence.

"I've had worse. Is your hand ok?"

I hid the bruised appendage under the table. "I'm sorry about that I-"

"No," Jake stopped me, "I'm serious, there's a lot of small bones in your hand and if you punch wrong, you might break something."

"Oh," if guilt was a river,I'd be drowning, "thanks. It's fine, but I'm still sorry I lost my temper."

Jake shrugged. "Mostly my fault."

I couldn't do this in front of Dimitri. I had to wait until me and Jake were alone on the Yard. And for once fate smiled on me. When we left the building I could see Vince was agitated, walking in circles, waiting for Dimitri to come outside.

"What happened?" He walked up to Dmitri, keeping just outside the tiger's reach. "Did you get my note?"

Dimitri rolled his eyes. "Yes. I got the note."

"Then," Vince spread his arms in disbelief, "why? Do you have any idea how thin the..." he looked to Hash for the right words.

"Profit margins."

"The profit margins are?"

Dimitri groaned in exaggerated boredom. He gave me and Jake a dismissive gesture and I knew he and Vince were going to be at it for a while. It was my best opportunity to talk to Jake. I walked the red fox off to the side, collecting my thoughts as I went.

"Jake," I started. He looked at me and I couldn't meet his eyes. "This evening, Dimitri said he wants us to join him in his cell."

Jake stopped walking. I could guess at the flood of memories that came pouring back. "You told him!" he yelled accusingly.

"No, it's not-"

"You lie just like everyone else. I can't believe I almost trusted you. 'I'll protect you, Jake. I'll keep Dimitri off you. I want us to be friends.' You goddamn liar!"

I'd never heard him yell like this. It was a little scary. "No! Jake, it's Dimitri-"

"It's always Dimitri," he wouldn't let me finish. "You're the one that gets me in trouble and then you blame him. Why couldn't he have just killed me and gotten it over with?" He turned his back on me.

I thought he would start to cry, but I guess he was stronger than I would have been. He just breathed heavily, his shoulders rising and falling. "Jake. Everything I said to you is the truth, I swear it! I even made Dimitri promise me he wouldn't hurt you... I tried to talk him out of it until I was sure he was about hit me!"

"Fucking liar," he spat.

"No! He won't hurt you this time! Please, believe me." I did this to him. All I could think of was the thousand things that I could have done or not done that would have stopped Jake's world from turning upside down. "I have a box," I began without thinking.

Jake turned his head to me at the non sequitur.

"It's the only thing Dimitri let's me keep. It came with my legal papers, but at the bottom are two candy bars and and a pack of mints."

Jake's jaw dropped, "that's all I am, isn't it? A fucking whore you can buy with-"

"Shut up and let me finish!" I hoped Dimitri and Vince's argument was loud enough to drown out ours. "I'm telling you this because Dimitri doesn't know about it. I've been saving the stuff to buy a gift for Hash. I love him. And if you tell Dimitri about the candy, he'll never trust me or any fur ever again. He'll break me, if he doesn't just kill me."

Jake looked confused. "Why are you telling me this?"

I wasn't entirely sure. "So you trust me when I say I'll do anything to make Dimitri keep his word. You can destroy me, and I deserve it, but I really am doing everything I can to undo all that I've fucked up."

Jake was quiet for a time. The wind found its way under my coat and the chill made me shiver.

"You love him?" Jake's quiet voice was almost lost on the wind.

"Yes. I love Hash. And he loves me. He said not to tell anyone, just to be safe, but I couldn't even keep from fucking that up."

"I won't say anything," Jake said. After another stretch of time he continued, "what does Dimitri want us to do?"

"I think he wants to see us have sex, so he knows we're not mad at each other."

Jake laughed. It was a real laugh, not one of the cruel mocking ones I heard so often. It made me smile. He stepped closer. "Can I be top?"