FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

'I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm doing this.'

The thought had been running over and over in the husky's mind.

'I can NOT believe I'm gonna do this.'

His thumbs fiddled and twiddled as he sat on the bus seat, anxiously looking out the window. It's a lovely cloudy Saturday morning. His friend said the bus trip would only be half an hour long or so. But to him, it felt like forever. His thoughts constantly raced about what he was about to do.

'Am I just making a big deal out of this...? Or is this really supposed to be something big?'

He had repeated this thought to himself over and over again. Calming down seemed difficult.

He closed his eyes and took deep breaths in an attempt to relax himself.

'Just settle down, alright...? I'm sure this is a normal thing to do when you're about to do something you're not 100% sure you should be doing in the first place like oh my God, I can't believe this.'

He sighed softly, resting his head back on the bus seat. There was no point in getting all worked up, after all. It'd be better to stay relaxed throughout the rest of the trip.

Despite his best efforts however, his mind was still baffled at the situation he was in.

---

Tyler had just gotten home from his last class, flopping down on his bed face first. "What a long day..." he groaned out on his pillow.

The blue husky had been in college for more than a year now, yet he's still having trouble adjusting to the university life. Classes were at least twice as long compared to how they were in his high school, and the campus was just generally larger, so going back and forth from class to class was exhausting, especially given his... less than athletic looking build. And another, more depressing change, friends were a lot more difficult to make. Unlike his high school, the students weren't all confined to the campus and roamed freely around as much as they wish. Before, he could have easily befriended a number of furs, given how he was seeing them five days a week, and literally shared all of the same classes. He was basically forced, and he hated using that word, to make friends since he had no other choice. But now, it's different. Everyone had different classes, everyone had different cliques, different friends. It was an entirely new environment for him. A year or so had passed, and even till now, he still had trouble opening up. Of course, he was as friendly as he can. He's talked to a number of furs, gotten their names, shared notes and assignments. But that's as far as it had gotten. He never got to hang out with any of them, mostly because he was just so shy and nervous. Yes, some furs do remember him, and wave hi whenever they cross paths. But other than the occasional greeting, he didn't have much interaction with them.

He spent so much time alone throughout his first year, and he had a sinking feeling it would be no different on his second.

The husky let out a loud yawn and stretched out on his bed. "Finally, it's Friday..." He laid down on his back and looked up to the ceiling. "What to do, what to do...?"

His phone vibrated and made a notification sound. He reached into his pocket and pulled it out, seeing a message from someone.

"Hmm...?" the husky unlocked his phone to check the message. It was from one of his old friends in high school. "Kyle..." he read the name.

Kyle was one of the few close friends he had. After graduation, he, along with literally everyone else in his class, got accepted into other universities. The two didn't talk much, but they were still close friends. Kyle was also one of the very few who knew about Tyler's... gayness, as the german shepherd teasingly called it. He didn't exactly come out to him; it was more of a slip of the tongue during one of his "confrontations". Despite not being able to see each other for so long, the two talked whenever they can online.

Kyle: Hey Tyler, got time to talk?

The husky smiled. It had been a long time since he had talked with anyone.

Tyler: Hi Kyle! Sure, what's up?

Kyle: Not much, how 'bout you?

Tyler: Exhausted, just got home from class. Currently just chilling at my bedroom.

Kyle: Cool, cool. So Tyler, are you still gay?

The husky blinked and stared at the message. 'Am I reading this right...?'

Tyler: What...?

Kyle: I said ARE YOU STILL GAY?

He rolled his eyes and chuckled a bit.

Tyler: Uh... yeah? Why do you ask?

Kyle: Nothing, nothing, just checking~

This was certainly odd. He had never seen Kyle use a tilde on chat before. He's only ever done it whenever he's feeling "naughty".

Tyler: Okay...

Kyle: Hehe, I'll get right down to business. Do you have any plans tomorrow?

Tyler: Mmmm, not sure yet. Why?

Kyle: I'm horny.

The husky blinked again, staring at his phone.

Tyler: What...?

Kyle: I wanna do some experimenting. You in?

Tyler: Could... could you give some more details? What do you mean by "experiment"...?

Kyle: Come on, Tyler. Have some imagination. I've been stressed out with college and need some de-stressing.

Tyler: Right... and you're asking me because...?

Kyle: Cause you're the first guy that came to mind. I wanna do some exploring, and I'm sure you of all people would want to.

The husky sighed to himself.

Tyler: Well... I'll have to think about it first.

Kyle: Alright. Let me know as soon as you can, okay?

Tyler: Sure

He turned his phone off and set it aside, looking back up to the ceiling, trying to take in what had just happened.

Kyle, one of his close friends, and also someone he had had a crush on for as long as he can remember, who is ALSO well aware of that fact, just asked him if he wanted to "experiment" with him.

Ever since he can remember, the husky had developed feelings toward the german shepherd. He remembered going through the entirety of high school, hiding these feelings, bottling them up and burying them inside. One day, however, it all just... came out. He wrote a letter, sent it to him, and waited for his response. In retrospect, it seemed silly having to tell him like that. And with a letter, of all things. Surely enough, he sent a message back to him regarding the letter. It went as well as anyone would think. Obviously, despite him being bi, he didn't feel the same kind of attraction the husky had for him. While Tyler understood and accepted this, some part of him had trouble coping with it. But he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't get mad at him for not reciprocating his feelings; that would be ridiculous. He moved on, albeit not entirely. Some feelings lingered, but he paid no attention to them. Again, just burying them inside, somewhere where only he can find.

And now, those feelings have resurfaced from his mind.

Tyler grabbed a pillow and covered his face, groaning out loudly into it. "Oooh God..."

---

The husky sat down on the living room couch, blankly staring up at the ceiling. He and his family had just finished eating dinner. His mother was busy doing the dishes, while his dad was doing some work related business.

He had been lost in thought ever since Kyle sent him the message, just thinking and thinking of whether or not to take his offer.

'Am I just thinking too much about it...? Should I really be making a big deal out of this? I mean... I don't really know. I... I've never done anything with anyone before, for obvious reasons. Should I...? Or, should I not...?'

His mother then walked inside the living room, looking over to the husky. "Something wrong, Tyler?"

"Hmm?" His ears perked up as his mind snapped back from his thoughts. "Oh, nothing. Hey mom, are we going anywhere tomorrow?"

"Mmm, not really. Well, I have some errands to run. Why? Did you want to come with me?"

Tyler smiled and shook his head. "No, no. I was just curious." He looked down and thought for a moment. 'Alright... I've made up my mind.' "You remember Kyle?"

"Oh yes! I remember him. He was one of your friends in high school, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah. He's uh... inviting me over to his house to hang out tomorrow. I was just wondering if it was okay."

His mother nodded and smiled. "Sure! I don't mind. It's been a long time since you last left the house other than to go to class."

'Wow mom, really...?' The husky forced a laugh and smiled painfully. "Okay, thanks."

She smiled and went off upstairs. Tyler picked up his phone and sent a message to Kyle.

Tyler: Hi Kyle. Looks like I'm free for tomorrow.

The husky took a few deep breaths, both anxious and nervous as he made his decision. A few minutes pass, and he received a reply.

Kyle: Awesome! I'll see you then!

Tyler: Alright

Kyle: I can't wait~

Tyler smiled, his face flushing a bit.

Tyler: Hehe, me too~

He put his phone back and flopped his back on the couch, sighing to himself. 'Well, the deed is done. Oh God...'

---

The poor husky had feelings for him for so long. The amount of effort he put in just to bury it in deep inside after getting rejected was immeasurable. At least, that's how he put it. While so many others could have just easily brushed this off, he couldn't. He couldn't just throw away all of the feelings he had for Kyle, but he knew he had to. It would have been detrimental to him harboring them for so long, keeping them in like that. He wanted to just let go, but he couldn't. Part of him still held on to the small glimmer of hope of having a relationship with him.

It took a long time, but he did; being in different universities helped with that. Very slowly, his feelings went away. And yet, a small part stayed in his mind. Just like a lot of other things, he buried it in. He had hoped that sooner or later he would just forget about it.

But that all changed because of that one message. And now, Tyler sat on the bus, on his way to Kyle's house. The husky wasn't even entirely sure why he said yes in the first place. Perhaps it was a spur-of-the-moment decision. He can't say he regretted it, but he wasn't all that sure if it was a good idea.

The bus stopped, waking Tyler up from his daze. "H-Huh?" he looked out the window and saw the street sign. "Maple Street. I'm here..."

He got up from his seat and got off the bus. He began walking down the street; scanning the houses he passed by. "Hmmm... which one was it again...?"

The husky had gone to his house a number of times before, but that was during high school. A year or so had passed since then, and his memory was starting to fail him.

He stopped and turned to a familiar looking house, recognizing it to be Kyle's.

'Alright...' he took in a deep breath and sighed softly, making his way down to his door. 'This is it, no turning back.'

Tyler stood in front of Kyle's door, shaking in both fear and anticipation. He reached forward and rang the doorbell.

'We're just gonna "experiment", right? No need to get too worked up.' He put up his best smile. 'It'll be fine.'