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Of Dragons and Accountants

The accounting team was baffled as they all threw up their hands.

What had they done to irk the fiercest dragon in the lands?

Their portfolios were shrinking and their peerless name was hurt

As the dragon's paralegal might had drug them through the dirt.

They'd tried to leave him money, to balm his mighty rage,

With diverse foreign assets and some tender they had made.

But the dragon wouldn't have it and instead had razed it all:

In three fiery blasts he prophesized their soon to come downfall

Having little profit left the team was forced to hire a prophet

In hopes that he would know the beast and might ordain to stop it.

With their lack of funds they hired a man from Seventy Simmery Axe

Who guaranteed his portents all stopped dragons in their tracks.

John Wellington Wells, as he was called, then stroked his crystal ball,

And stirred his pot and muttered as if he could see it all.

"If you want to stop a dragon then you must know of its vices.

And what all evil beasts do love is virgin sacrifices!"

Donald shrugged and squeezed Beth's hand, they booth looked at the group.

They'd been together in the copy room (with the office in the loop.)

The lawyers shrugged and scratched their heads all showing no remorse:

No virgins left since Hell vs. Wayne's infernal legal force.

Thomas had a string of boyfriends, though none stayed any longer.

Jenny was divorced twice over (as her love for whips was stronger.)

The CEO's own love life was both sordid and profane.

And this left most the office staring quietly at Jane.

She was just a lowly secretary, barely an intern,

And as they backed her in the corner, her cheeks began to burn.

She'd had loads of lovers, so she claimed, though just the other day

They'd heard her pining sighs of how guys never looked her way.

And so they apprehended her with mobbish howling cries,

And bound her to the filing cabinet using their silk ties.

Their impetus was halted as they waited at the door,

Then piling in the lift up to the twenty second floor.

Three smoking scorches up there formed a sulfurous triad.

Where they rolled her on a dolly to the helicopter pad.

Jane kicked and screamed and bit as she was laid out by her firm.

Her bosses started chanting as she fruitlessly did squirm.

She'd received no paid vacations, or a salary at all,

And they all abandoned her when the beast began to call.

It's resounding roar did shake the town and made the staff all flee

As the dragon came to perch above his new found mystery.

"An offering dear beast, so we can put our feud at end.

She's yours so long as we all never hear from you again."

The beast reared back and snorted flame, a wall of scaly ire.

While he grabbed the cabinet in his claws, the men did all perspire.

Wings flapping down with thunderous noise he bore her to the air,

Fying down between the skyscrapers, wind whipping through her hair.

Jane's screams of horror were lost and drowned, but soon replaced with awe.

As she saw the cityscape unfold the view did drop her jaw.

"Don't worry dear, it's not far yet," she heard the dragon rumble.

Voice dark as pitch, deep as the seas, while the flight did gyre and tumble.

Her reply was meek as she writhed, clenched in gentle iron grip.

"Are you going to eat me then?" She asked without a quip.

"Oh how dreadful, such a thing is not permittable.

I'd hate for you to think that I was inhospitable."

He chuckled as they soared, like he was having quite a lark

As he landed in his penthouse lair with a view central park.

"I'll help you down," he boomed out as she marveled at his hoard.

His talons cut the tied tight ties, each the size of a broadsword.

She rubbed her wrists and marveled at his golden treasures there:

From Steinways lined with diamonds, to pics with Fred Astaire.

There were sofas sewn with satin, cushions with a fine chiffon,

A bar with gleaming crystal, the list went on and on.

"Now my dear, let's have a chat." He relaxed his massive form,

Truck sized tail curled next to him as if it were the norm.

"Your employers are quite volatile. Their greed is evident.

And I'm afraid that they have done me wrong, when they raised my rent.

I'm quite fond of my humble flat . . .I never want to leave it

And those cheeky bastards could care less, I hardly can believe it.

"Rent control?" Jane asked, as she scratched her frazzled hair.

"You could ask the guys in finances . . . I think they do that there."

"At this point if they all relent, I won't be satisfied.

They need to learn a lesson, so I'll take it from their hide."

"I'm really just an intern, so I don't know much at all

I've only been a secretary working since last fall.

I don't get any benefits from working there all day,

But I hope that sometime soon, that they will take me on with pay."

The dragon sighed, his tail twitched, and smoke rose up in plumes

His golden eyes both narrowed as he glowered 'round the room

"So you've been in their employ, for three seasons as of now,

And they never deigned to pay you? This I simply won't allow.

"You seem fit in mind and body, all as far as I can see,

So why don't you quit your job there, and come to work for me?"

Jane stared up at the massive beast, and swallowed heavily

"I'm not sure that I'm qualified . . ." She said uncertainly.

"Nonsense," boomed the fearsome drake. "They've done naught but feed you lies.

You're perfect for the job." He said much to her surprise.

"For terms I can assure you of a hefty salary:

Five doubloons, and six gold marks, and a goat thrown in monthly."

"It really does sound nice, you know, to do a job for pay.

But I'm still not sure that I can really help in any way . . ."

Her gaze fell down, her spirits drooped, as she felt out of place,

But her chin was raised by a great claw as he stared into her face.

"I won't force you to join me, but hear what I have to say.

I mean every single thing that I have told you here this day.

But before you fully choose, let's just have a bite to eat.

I took the liberty of ordering from Jacques and Marguerite."

It was a local six star restaurant, with a waiting list of years

The promise of forbidden food did well to soothe her fears.

"So, what is it that you want of me?" Jane asked in trepidation,

Though being made a sacrifice was more like a vacation.

"You know those stoats, you've worked with them. That's valuable to me.

For what I seek to do this certain knowledge is a key.

For although I could raze their firm into a pile of ash

The insurance claim alone would nearly double up their cash."

"No, I wish to ruin them, so no one can misconstrue.

And you should want this goal as well, for what they've done to you.

I offer you revenge, my dear, a dish as rare as gold.

And better served with friends who can enjoy it while it's cold . . ."

With the mention of a dish their came a sudden booming rapping

As if a giant visitor outside the door was tapping.

The dragon bade them come inside, and the chamber doors swung wide

Allowing three full ogres and a kobald troop inside.

They set up a massive table, that was long and flat and wide

As they carried in the food that then they all laid out with pride.

Four roasted lambs all gleaming with a chutney marinade

With platters piled with tapas, set on lavish silk brocade.

The ogres dressed as bellhops then rolled in a full hogshead:

"Pinot 1823, a lovely year for red."

Scampering reptilians filled her a crystal cup

As the ogres filled the dragon's ewer and they began to sup.

"You know I never really liked it there . . ." Jane sipped the fine red wine.

"Although it was purgatory, it was all that I could find.

What is it that you want to know? I'll tell you all I can.

Their security is tight, but their personnel are bland."

"It's the little things that count." He crunched down half a steaming roast

"Like finding out specifically what would bother them the most.

What nuanced little secrets there can let us in their heads?

What malignant aberrations can we scrape from barren beds?"

"Well, Donald's scared of spiders, and Margaret's always late."

As the words poured out she found her captors easier to hate.

"The CEO philanders, and Tom can't hold his drink.

HR is skimming off the top, or so everybody thinks."

"They contract out to aboleths, and demons do their bills.

They say they give you sick leave, but fire you if you're ill.

The building isn't up to code, they bribed a county clerk,

And the thing that's never done there, is any real work."

The dragon's eyes did widen as she listed all her woes.

Her disposition changed, her coworkers seen as foes.

They ate as they discussed, and went through their fine meal.

He found himself enamored with her sudden righteous zeal.

"If you could get back at them, would you seize upon the chance?

Making their lives miserable . . . does this appeal perchance?"

She paused as she considered, gnawing on a giant prawn.

"I would be happy if they went the way of Babylon."

"With that idea in mind, my dear, I have a proposition.

Something that could aid us when we go upon our mission."

He rose and shook his wings as he trotted to the bar

Moving with the grace of mountains as he grabbed an earthen jar

The kobalds all took notice as he laid back down with a boom.

He slid the jar across to her as silence filled the room.

"Have you ever felt, just deep inside, that there was something wrong?

That you were the only intellect, amongst the gibbering throng?"

"When they forced you to their office, and made you deal with all their slop,

Did you not feel you should burn it all, to make the madness stop?

That your small and fleshy body didn't match your seething ire?

My dear, I have a remedy, if of this game you tire . . ."

Her eyes locked with his luminous gaze as he whispered out her thoughts

Untying what, inside her mind, had been a mess of knots.

She had just one simple question, as she grasped the earthen vase

"What exactly is contained inside this simply crafted case?"

"Brewed for seven centuries, and boiled for seven years,

Made from belladonna, and stirred with shoggoth tears.

A symphony was liquified and added to the brew,

With a dash of my own essence added while it was to stew."

He continued on his story as she looked down at the pot

Whatever was contained was better than if she did not.

And so she did surprise the beast by lifting up the vase

And drinking all the contents down, with lack of table grace.

It tasted like a challenge: a line drawn in the sand:

An ethereal ambrosia laced with spite and marzipan.

It burned like liquid fire as her senses it did sear.

She finished with a belch of smoke, expression rather queer.

The dragon raised a scaly brow, startled through and through,

For such a strong elixir, a cup at most would do.

But he didn't mourn the liquid's loss as she stared up from the table

Eyes blazing in to amber as her muscles bulged like cable.

"With such a heavy dosage, this should happen rapidly . . .

Then again I've never seen the like, so we will really have to see."

He watched as her hands tensed, scraping runnels in the wood,

Fingers bulging into daggers on her way to dragonhood.

Jane's back arched as she rose, chair clattering to the floor.

As scaly wings burst from her back, the ogres watched in horror.

She overturned the table, neck extending as she roared.

The dragon smiled as he looked down, at his intensifying ward.

Her scales were blue as Neptune, as they shimmered down her skin.

She crashed forwards to her talons body swelling out again.

Her spine creaked as her armored tail thrashed about behind,

Swatting errant kobalds as they watched her leave mankind.

Her business dress was ruined as the room did seem to shrink,

And her mind did race as she kept pace, and started then to think.

She was in control, her life was hers, her wings unfurled in glee

With flaming roar, she she fully left her weak humanity.

"Quite impressive, I must say. You were worthy of the phial.

Glossy blue is just so you . . . It fit's your new life style."

Speaking as he rose, he walked around her very near

Smiling as he leaned in close and whispered in her ear.

"I can see your body brimming, filled with new-found energy.

There might be a good use that you can put it to with me . . ."

He rubbed against her haunches as the ogres left the room,

Leaving the lights low, kobalds peering through the gloom.

She opened up her jaws, the darkness thrumming with her voice

"And what would you have me do, if I let you have your choice?"

She swung her tail coyly, as she brimmed with growing power

Just as large as he, as they cavorted in his tower.

"They said you were a virgin, before they all did strike

Which seems like such a pity, for there's so much here to like . . ."

His wings then stretched out causally as he let his comment slide

Looking down her perfect form as he nuzzled at her side

"I've not slept yet with a dragon, which is surely how you tell."

She leaned in up against him, taking in his smokey smell.

"There's no time like the present then . . ." he replied without pause.

"And time we have before we both go fighting for our cause."

She craned her neck around as her tail whipped to the side.

"Then let's both try to fill it, and become more unified . . ."

More instructions were not needed as he knew just what to do,

Leaning in behind her, red scales scraping over blue.

They rocked the whole foundation as their roars rang loud and clear.

She clenched herself around him as their precipice drew near.

He nuzzled in behind her with his massive scaled chin.

Her wings both tensed below him as they raised a fearsome din.

She leaned back with a rumble and then clenched her mighty thew.

He groaned out in surprise as there was nothing left to do . . .

Their colossal bodies quaked as they rocked from stern to prow

If she was a virgin prior, she was just a dragon now.

As they wound down from their reverie she tested her new form:

A sublime and wondrous body that she took as her new norm.

The kobalds all were cowed, as was their rightful place

As she confidently shone with new found draconic grace.

She strode to the veranda, and with a surging fling

Was soon flying through the city, and her mate was at her wing.

Their dragon song resounded as they both surveyed the land

With the Thaumaturgic College and the church of Vecna's Hand.

All the little people went about their daily chores,

A vague few looking nervously at where the dragons soared.

Jane felt at home up in the sky, wind whipping past her scales

Loving her new position, and all that it entails.

Soon they both veered in their flight, they had a mission yet

As they neared her past employer's that had put her into debt.

The accountants closed their windows, and the lawyers drew the blinds,

A defense so unworthy, as they would all soon find.

The security evoker was then summoned to the roof

To fight the fell red dragon who was baring nail and tooth.

Spouting gouts of flame with noisy roars that made the firm all shiver

As the enchanter tired to shoo him, lightning bolts no more than glitter.

But while they were distracted, the other dragon struck,

Talons busting through the building into where she once was stuck.

She grabbed a filing cabinet, and snatched up a Rolodex.

She laughed at their security, a feeble useless hex.

At once both of the dragons left, as quick as they had come,

Leaving the accountants fretting, and the lawyers all struck dumb.

They had not taken any money. They had let the stocks all be,

But had taken off with their entire business history.

This opened up the firm to all new liabilities,

With their past open to the dragons who could use it as they please.

So the day was ended, and the company did learn

What it truly meant if you neglected an intern.