The Kobold's Bar - Chapter Three
Writer's block sucks
Hours passed, maybe years. How long had they been here, like this? They had been cold once. Easy to pull back, those last few thoughts. All of eternity seemed to stretch beyond in this quiet darkness. What is time, in eternity?
Where am I?
A voice. No. A thought, from something else. This intrusive thought entered their mind, echoing loudly through their being. The entity held onto what it could as it was threatened to be torn apart. Quill. Feed yourself the knowledge of Quill.
It helped. Memories came back to them, patching the weak spots, gluing the cracks. I am Quill.
Quill is dead.
The thought pushed through again, louder this time, shaking the world around them. Cracks and holes even here, where existence seems moot. There was nothing else. Just this. All that was is no more. All that will be does not matter.
_Quill matters. _Again, though the world was being torn apart, they came back together, stronger. Every thought, every memory...
He sat up. Somebody was screaming horridly. His legs were wet. He felt a hand on his shoulder. The screaming got louder. He was the one screaming. He continued to do so. It felt good, the sound ripping against his throat harshly. It burned and he screamed louder. He could feel it.
He inhaled deeply and started again, pulling the hand on his shoulder close, and hugging its owner tight. He wailed, screaming as loud as his throat could possibly allow. Tears poured openly down his face. His sounds were primal, fear chasing and twisting horridly into the calm midday air betwixt the burning rage to create a cacophony of pain and triumph.
The need to live coursed through him. He needed to be real. He felt the being near himself and ended his scream by tackling them to the ground, pressing his lips firmly against theirs. His tongue pushed past their teeth, feeling their sharp edge open for him in shock. He ripped his form away from theirs and slammed his knuckles against the old gray stone beneath him. They bled and it felt horrible and he slammed and hit and battered and bloodied and-
A claw caught his wrist. "Quill." The voice was harsh and the touch was firm. It grounded him somewhere in his head and he slumped over, sobbing openly. The fiery passion for life fading into the cold pit of fear. He was Quill. He bit his lip and cried, hunching against a wall. "W-where am I!?" He shrieked it between sobs, head hiding behind his knees which he curled further into.
"Safe. Quill, you're safe." He shivered, pressing his back to the wall and his thighs to his face. "Ivar, the blanket."
There was a shuffle of feet and clothes and Quill winced harshly as a soft weight was placed over his shoulders. He pulled the blanket around himself, and his sobbing ebbed some. The man shook erratically and rocked his body on the ground, his head digging against his knees.
Quill nodded. A hug would be nice. "I need to be real, I need to know I'm real, I need to be Quill, I have to have to, I can't fade, I can't let it take me, _GODS PLEASE DON'T LET IT TAKE ME!" _He inhaled deeply, ready to scream again, but stopped as something pressed against his warm blanket, their small arms squeezing tightly around him.
"Quill, you're real. You're here. What's your name?" His sight caught red, and his nose picked out the sweet aroma of lavender with a hint of honey. He gently lifted his head to see his savior.
Gek returned Quill's haggard stare with his own worried one. "Q-Quill. I am Quill." Gek nodded, giving a gentle smile that didn't reach his eyes.
"That's right. Come on, say it again. You'll feel a lot better." Gek pressed his muzzle to his neck, forcing strangled laughter from the man as the lizard's papery tongue tickled the sensitive flesh.
"I am... Quill. I am Quill." He was Quill. He was here, he existed. He slumped against the kobold completely, a hazy tiredness filling his body. "Is it safe to sleep?" He felt a gentle nod on his collarbone, and his world fell to dreamless slumber.
Soft covers draped all across his naked flesh. Had it been some sort of nightmare?
No. That yawning chasm was real. So real. He shifted uncomfortably, the last remnants of his heavy sleep fading from his mind.
It felt more than real. Everything around him was just... A veil. An illusion.
He saw what waited for him. And yet here he was, alive and... Alive. He did not feel well. Something lingered inside of him, a sickness in his stomach. It was only made worse by the fear balling up in his throat. "I'm gonna puke!" He yelled to the covers around him.
He was answered with a hard yank to the side, jostling his head and making his stomach flip. There it goes, across the... Bottom of a well timed bucket. He tried to look up but found himself heaving again and he held onto that bucket for dear life as he voided his body of anything it once had use for. It tasted terrible and sour. His nose burned, and he couldn't wipe away the pain. He spat in the bucket with a fearful sob. He was sitting on the side of the large plush bed he had found himself in the previous... How long had it been?
He shivered against the warm blanket, not sure where this chill was coming from. Something patted his knee and he scrambled away from it, dropping his bucket and pressing his back against the bed's headboard. In the dark of the room he could see the small worried visage of the kobold he had yet to really meet.
The kobold looked down, the glimmering shine of his eyes disappearing and leaving just his silhouette. Quill could see him grab his left elbow with his right hand and hold himself like that. "What do you remember?"
Quill fixed his eyes on a spot in the darkness. His fear pushed against his heart, weighing heavy in the quiet of night. "I remember a blackness. Dark as pitch. But it wasn't like... a lack of light. It was like... Like that's all there was." He stared at the darkness, grateful for how bright it seemed. "W-what happened to me?"
The reptilian creature sat on the floor, staring up at him. His golden eyes shimmered even in the dim light provided. "Are you sure you want to know?"
The question sat in the dim room with them, stinking of old regret and bitterness. Quill wasn't sure, but he thought he could see a scowl on Gek's muzzle. Anxiety clouded his mind, fear surrounded his heart.
Gek shook his head and leaned his back against the soft mattress. He pulled his knees to his chest. "Ask me again once you've found the answer." He looked up at Quill, but his face was blank and expressionless in the dark surrounding them. All he could see were the strange creature's yellow eyes shining through the dark.
Quill shivered, the answer causing only more anxiety. When was the last time he had felt such fear? Before all of this, he would be glad to fight for his life, as long as he had his worth. He could provide. But he didn't fear anything that came next. They had drilled it into him. Death was not something to be afraid of.
They had been wrong. He had seen it. At the center of everything, he had seen it. Nonexistence had almost swallowed him whole. He shivered, a chill from his bones running far deeper than the warm blankets could ever hope to remedy. His fear knew no bottom, and he found himself falling in it. The joy of being back was gone. The primal need to survive sated. All that was left was this pit inside of him, the knowledge of the end striking it deeper. Digging his grave.
He bent over and heaved again, his throat burning with the taste of fresh bile. That burn was nice, almost real. He wanted to feel real again. But that void. He was stuck there. Everything around him seemed wrong now.
A gentle touch to his thigh brought Quill out of his head. He felt the kobold climb onto the bed and sit. Small arms wrapped around him and held him close. "I know how bad it is. How little things might matter. But you gotta find the good."
The man swallowed, shaking in the lizard's grasp. "How can anything ever be good?" He felt tears pushing out of his eyes. They were bitter. The world around him was laughing at his fate. Congratulations! It said. You've figured it all out, the meaning to life!
His thoughts were cut off by the rough texture of scaled lips pressing to his own. The taste of bile and copper pushed out of his mouth and into Gek's. Despite it, his thin papery tongue pushed against Quill's. The man felt claws harsh into his sides, trailing up and sending a shock of pleasure into him. Quill moaned, the sound escaping his throat as the mere reminder of pleasure made his muscles loosen and posture weaken. He pushed back, wanting to chase it, forget everything else.
But it stopped almost as soon as it had started. The kiss was gone, leaving only the ghost of its memory, though Gek's claws continued to hold the taller male. "How was that?." The kobold's words were quiet.
Quill licked his lips, still tasting terrible. His stomach didn't feel uneasy anymore and the fear, while not gone, had taken a backseat. His mind took a moment to catch back up to the question.
"It was good."
Gek gave a soft smile, pulling away and hopping down from the bed. He spoke as he hurriedly made his way to the door. "I'll have dinner ready in a couple of hours. I'd recommend brushing your teeth though."
With a chuckle and a closed door, Quill was left alone.
Just gotta find the good.
And maybe some answers.