FSE

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1

Damn that Gunso!

Lain Granfyre would've been dead had he not led the others to him.

Oh well, Horei thought, sashaying along a wooded path toward Nemissa's, feeling neither Lain Granfyre's body heat nor the night's brisk chill assailing his damp pelt. He'd start the party with Stowhart Granfyre instead.

A glowing, electrified hand grabbed his shoulder. Horei donned Lain Granfyre's leaden countenance, suppressing a startled shriek, as he turned to face a sparking glare beneath a wide brimmed hat.

"You ain't answerin' me," the electric person said in a voice that'd send earthquakes running for bomb shelters.

"I didn't hear you," Horei answered. Honesty was the best policy for dealing with someone who could fist a nuclear reactor.

"I called out to ya, Lain!" they snapped. "I know you heard it!"

Horei retraced his intel on Masamune Kage's party. The slave bear. Stowhart Granfyre, defected knight of the Order. Lain Granfyre—

Ah.

—the elemancer. One who, as Cortessa foretold, surely had a familiar.

"The music is loud. I swear I didn't hear you."

"I called through our link you a—you dick! Why can't I sense you? Did you...sever the soulbind?"

Horei bit the inside of his cheek, drawing blood. Storm never spoke to Cortessa this way. The tone would've been enough for Cortessa to reduce him to vapors. Crass. Insolent. Disconcerted. The elemental believed he was being ignored, and, Gods bless him, it hurt his feelings.

Quite the unusual relationship you and your familiar have, Lain Granfyre.

An intimate one.

Horei reached under the elemental's hat, found his chin, and leaned forward.

He counted to twenty.

Whatever kissing electricity felt like, he hoped he'd have lips at the end of it. His hand trailed down the creature's chin, caressing what should've been its neck.

The elemental's glowing face burned bright red behind its hat and collar. Their lips parted with a gasp.

"What...was that for?"

"To say I'm sorry," Horei said in a low voice. "I hate it when we fight. I love you."

Storms cleared. Thunder hushed. The elemental's lips quivered and his eyes widened.

"I...uh...I love you too," it said.

"Did I say something wrong?" Horei asked.

"No." The elemental grasped his wrist and Horei leaned forward, widening his posture. Standing by itself was like walking on a tightrope in a sensory deprivation tank. Even the slightest pressure could throw off his balance.

"God's no. Ya haven't said that to me in a while, that's all. It threw me off."

Horei kissed him again while they embraced. Horei counted to ten before pulling away.

"I'm sorry too," the elemental grunted.

"What for?"

"Don't make me say it."

"Say it. Please."

"I could be a better familiar," the creature said while pouting. "And I know your family's touchy shit. I don't like havin' t'share ya but…I'll...lay off antagonizin' Tinhead. But don't blame me if I zap 'em occasionally!"

"I'll keep that in mind. Since you brought Stowhart up, have you seen him?"

"Nope. He's allergic to offline gamin', remember? Th'fuck are you naked for anyway?"

"I thought I'd have some fun for a change," Horei said, smirking.

"WHAT?" the elemental lit up. "You fucked a guy? You?" Then, snarling, he asked, "was he bigger than me?"

Horei's smirk became a devilish sneer as they held one another close. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

2

Lain, half asleep, heard Ed say something he didn't catch. He was too busy catching a palm the size of Ashright with his face.

Ed said something else, and must not've liked the tone of Lain's delirious babbling because he slapped him again. Night and trees and firelight spun on his rotisserie of blunt force nausea.

"Where's Masamura Kage?" Ed repeated.

"Imph noph a spybh! Ibsh meph!"

"You might be sayin', 'that prissy motherfucker burned off my tongue, asshole. How can I answer any of your questions?' Don't worry, I know. I just wanted an excuse ta hit ya."

Ed nailed a new grievance to Lain's bulletin board of pain with a third slap that made his organs do cartwheels. He missed getting punched in the face. These were the kinds of slaps they recorded in slow motion.

"Old man, he ain't talkin'," Ed said. "Told 'em what'd happen. Told 'em I'm Good Cop. Y'kno what that means?"

Masamune emerged from the shrubs, throwing aside bushes and leaves like curtains. Twin cats sauntered beside him at a pace too synchronized to've not been thoroughly rehearsed. They carried hammers, nails, ropes, flogs, and several spiked dildos between them.

"Aye," Masamune said. "It means Good Cop gets to take a nice, long vacation while this fuck talks to Corrupt-As-Fuck-And-Coked-Outta-His-Goddamned-Mind-Cop. Ferris, tie his hands. Ferrari, gag 'em."

"Yes, Daddy Masamune!" the twins chimed in unison before pouncing. The brother tied his wrists together and before Lain could even think to yelp the sister latched a ball gag in his mouth from behind. Masamune wedged his face between their pressed cheeks, taking a shoulder in either hand as they surveyed their quick handiwork. Lain sprang to his feet with an expression so wild with dread it belonged in a cage.

"Good work. I'll fuck ya both super hard later."

"Only super hard?" Ferris huffed.

"Mega hard."

"Meeeeega hard?" Ferrari groaned indignantly.

"I'll fuck ya both so damn hard neither of ya'll be able t'walk straight for a motherfuckin' week. That'll gimme time t'fuck your mother, th'dusty old bitch."

The twins meowed in united approval.

Ed squinted at them. "Wait, you know these two?"

"I get around, long story. No, I'm not their real Dad, don't listen t'what that bitch says either. MOVING ON."

Masamune glared at Lain. “Ya might be wonderin' 'Okay Mr. Bad Cop, how am I supposed to tell you anythin' with my mouth gagged 'n my hands tied up? I can't even sign this confession you wrote for me! Well, first thing's first."

Masamune's foot met Lain's gut the way a brick wall meets a speeding car. His back slammed into a tree with the kind of force that'd make it shake its hand and hiss. Trying to stand after that was like writing a dissertation by face-smashing one's keyboard.

"My name ain't fuckin' 'Mr. Bad Cop'! It's Corrupt-As-Fuck-And-Coked-Outta-His-Goddamned-Mind-Cop! Get it wrong again 'n I'll chew your balls off 'n give ya a kiss."

Ed, who stood farther and farther away, wore a blank expression. He knew letting Masamune snort a line tonight was a bad idea. He hadn't done anything particularly heinous yet, but the look in his eyes and throbbing boner propounded that adverb should've been typed in bold and capital letters. Both heralded blind, indiscriminate tsunamis of malice where dozens, if not hundreds, were left deader than shit afterward. Ed stepped even farther back. There were only five of them in this clearing, and he knew Masamune was saving his throat for last.

Lain had a much simpler take: he's a fucking lunatic.

He darted for the bushes and a powerful tug threw him back on his ass, Masamune clutching the other end of the ropes tying his wrists. Another yank dragged Lain through the dirt back towards them.

"Leavin' so soon? Th'party's about t'start! Look at me when I'm talkin' to ya, foxy."

Lain, suppressing a snarl, obeyed.

Three, well, two white grins reflected the nearby campfire. Three shadowy faces with moonlit pinpricks for eyes ogled him with lecherous intent that would've been obvious without the erections and vagina leaking mere inches from his nose.

"Y'see all these toys we got?" Masamune swooned. "I don't usually like sharin', but I'm gonna ask ya questions, 'n you're gonna gimme answers—" Ferrari waggled a pen and pad in front of him, "—'n for every question ya don't answer, I'm gonna do somethin' mighty charitable to that ass. Got it?"

Lain nodded vigorously.

"Good. But first, I gotta mess ya up a little."

Lain stopped nodding.

"My cats ain't housebroken, y'see? They've been drinking a LOT tonight. It's a wonder we ain't had any accidents...yet."

"I can't hoooold it anymore, Daddy!" Ferrari mewled in a tone that would've sounded playful had Lain not knelt within literal pissing range of her cunt.

"Lemme give 'em a warnin' spritz, so he gets th'message," Ferris said. "Maybe we put th'ball gag on too early. Wouldn't wanna get th'grass wet, right?"

"Maybe," Masamune sneered, "dependin' on what our friend here has t'say."

"Not to rain on th'parade too early," Ed, who stood at the clearing's edge, shouted," but what if that wolf was lyin' again?"

Masamune squinted at him over his shoulder.

What if th'fox ain't really Masamura's spy? What if he was just lyin' so he could get away?" Ed clarified, mistaking Masamune's drug-induced blurriness for skepticism.

300

"He sure as fuck didn't burn his tongue off for fun," Masamune said, and quickly reconsidered. "Okay, maybe he did burn his tongue off for fun. He could've bounced anytime tonight if he wanted t'ditch. Why now?"

"I dunno," Ed grunted. "Somethin' just feels off."

"Ya hear that, Foxy? My friend thinks somethin's off. If y'don't want your head to be one of 'em, you'd better start," Masamune lifted the severed, foxless, end of the rope to eye level. “Talkin'."

"I can't believe you let him get away," Ferrari huffed at her brother.

"Me? You were th'one gawkin' at Masamune's cock th'whole time! You didn't see him cuttin' th'rope down there?" Ferris shot back.

"Masamune's dick's too big. Couldn't see nothin' else."

Ferris nodded in agreement. “Yeah, big like your dumb, stupid, brainless, stupid head. You let him get away!"

The twins bickered fiercely, hissing at one another with Masamune trapped in the middle. Across the clearing, Ed pinched his knitted brows.

3

"W-weren't we supposed to be lookin' for Lord…Ooooaah...L-lord...Horei?" Carl asked his steam-shrouded, moaning comrades.

"I've got your Lord Horei right here, big boy," the carnivorous vixen between his legs said before going under again.

The baboon's watery eyes crossed. He bit his quivering lower lip.

What she did next, with her mouth full and both hands momentarily free, made him squeal. Baboons did lots of things with their asses, but nothing like this. His horny bellow couldn't've sounded more like a pig being slaughtered if she'd done what she just did with a stiletto instead of her fingers.

"Gods you're noisy," Byron, a fellow Sky Wasp pilot, broke from his pair of giggling whores long enough to snap before resuming his hip exercises.

Lord Horei's amphibian spy told them to rendezvous with him at Nemissa's Delights to receive further orders. Lord Horei worked alone. Espionage and subterfuge were more bread and butter to him than breakfast toast. Having a pack of baboons follow him around seemed counter intuitive, but they hadn't argued. What self respecting grunt disobeys a direct order to head to the nearest brothel? Getting head hadn't been part of said order, but you couldn't blame them for being thorough.

Besides, they'd diligently searched for Lord Hoeri!

He could've been hiding in the downstairs bathhouses. They'd never know otherwise without checking. He could've been basking in these very rock-rimmed, steamy waters, or inside one of these vixen cunts. The monkeys wouldn't've been doing their due diligence if they hadn't used every appendage at their disposal to check. Who'd complain about that?

"What the fuck are you idiots doing?

All five baboons yanked their respective dicks, faces, and hands out of various whores, some falling over themselves and into simmering pools doing so. Gunso stood atop the tallest stone overlooking them, arms folded, glaring under his hat. He regretted wearing his cloak in this stifling heat, but rising steam making it dramatically billow made up for it.

"You're supposed to find Lord Horei! He's engaged with the enemy as we speak, and you're down here fucking cheap sluts!"

"These bitches cost a gold an hour," Byron protested.

"You're down here fucking overpriced whores," Gunso amended, "while Lord Horei has engaged Masamune Kage's war party single-handed!"

"We couldn't find 'em!" Carl cried, himself thoroughly engaged by a single hand.

"How difficult can it be to find one fox?"

"We've got seven right here," another baboon declared proudly.

There must've been a face somewhere beneath Gunso's shadowy wardrobe, because they all heard him slapping its forehead.

"If you do not wish for Lord Masamura Kage to hear of this," he began slowly, "you'll get dressed and find Lain Granfyre now!"

"What about Lord Horei?" Byron asked between kissing one moaning fox and sucking the other's tit.

"I'll handle him. The rest of you, get to wo—aaaaack!"

The animals watched in silence, occasionally wincing, as the frog made an expedited trip down the large stone, hitting smaller stones and branches along the way, before splashing face first into their pool.

The surface bubbled. Gunso's hat emerged like a capsized dinghy.

"Told ya that's why we don't like doin' it on them stones," a fox eventually said. "Gets real slippery up there."

"Ah."

There was a deep, considerate pause.

Then moaning, splashing, giggling, and slurping resumed with fervent intensity.

4

They didn't get far.

Horei never attempted to steal an electric elemental's body for the same reason he stopped putting forks in outlets. Watching his corneas boil hadn't been pleasant. However, this one loved Lain Granfyre. He wouldn't need to seduce him, or worry about getting a new, less crispy, body after it went wrong. He hasn't played with outlets in years, but it shouldn't've been too different from fucking one.

Nemissa's patronage partied everywhere. Horei didn't see a reason not to follow their example until he took off the elemental's hat while leaning in for another kiss. He put its hat back on.

"We should find someplace private," he said.

"Don't wanna give th'yokels a light show?" the doughy-eyed elemental snickered.

"I'd prefer someplace less open," Horei said. He caressed its cheek, looking deeply into its eyes. "You know how these savages behave when they see your kind. I'd rather you not get hurt."

"Gods, you're bein' so damn sappy tonight! Are you drunk?"

"Maybe I should drink more often."

"Y'should. I guess hidin' out before bumpin' uglies is th'smarter thing t'do."

"Yes," Horei said.

"Ignition, Go. Super Charge, On. Maximum Thrust, Full Throttle!"

Horei couldn't feel the face he made upon hearing that.

"Don't gimme that look! You're th'fuckin' weeb who quotes Thunder Man while I'm tryin' ta get a nut."

"Oh. Thunder Man. Of course."

"Remember th'last time? FULL THROTTLE, OMEGAAAA CHAAAAAARGE!!! Hah! Jerks didn't have electricity in their buildin' for months."

"Hm."

"Good thing there ain't any generators out in th'woods. Lead th'way, 'Master'."

They found a thick bush where, as the elemental stripped, Horei learned no bush would've been thick enough to hide him. The gullible bastard could've stolen lighthouse jobs by standing in place. Horei struggled to maintain coordination. Making out with him without the hat was like kissing a high-power spotlight. He had to squint to see anything while grinding up close.

Sparks flew from their joined bodies, igniting leaves all around. Scorch marks streaked the grass where they lay. Horei relied entirely on phantom muscle memory as their panting and groping and grinding escalated, which only seemed to make the elemental shine brighter.

"I thought about what you said earlier," the elemental said, pulling the brakes on their lovemaking.

"About my brother?" he asked, hastily donning Lain Granfyre's persona like a seatbelt fastened moments before a crash.

"No," the elemental said, "about how we're all each other've ever known. We've been soulbound since we were fuckin' kids, man."

Horei rolled off the elemental and onto his elbows, an operation which required all of the caution and meticulous planning the fluidity of its execution discredited.

"What's your point?"

The elemental crawled over him. "You don't...regret not bein' with another guy? A mammal?"

Years of practice in front of a mirror taught Horei how to consciously manipulate his facial muscles. He could furrow his brows. He could smile with his eyes. He could even blush on command, which he did now. "Now who's being sappy?" Horei replied wanly.

The elemental's expression darkened. "I can't read ya," it said. "Why are you blockin' me out?"

Cortessa'd told him about soulbinding, the mental and spiritual link with one's familiar. She knew where Storm was at all times, and could even read its mind. Only powerful elementals could similarly read their Master, but their access to the link was never as strong. What a needy little servant you have, Lain Granfyre. Has no one ever warned you about mixing business and pleasure?

"Yes, I've thought about it," Horei said after a salient pause.

"Of course life would've been easier, loving another wolf. I love you because you're you, not because it's easy."

The inner Horei wretched as he piloted his body to lean closer and hug the elemental atop him. Gods, this was sappy!

"Who are you 'n what've ya done with Lain?" the smiling elemental replied.

“I'm a romantic who's stolen his body to settle his relationships."

"You're killin' th'mood, babe," the elemental snorted. “Let's get to th'fun part already!"

Yes, the fun part.

Horei sat up, seating his partner on his lap. The elemental's gleaming, yellow dick drooled hotly between their abs. If he'd gotten up correctly, Lain Granfyre's wolf cock should've slid between its cheeks like a large sausage in a small bun.

"Want to do the honors?" Horei asked.

"Me on top? Very funny," the elemental quipped. "You're th'menial laborer in bed, remember? And not so loud! I'm screwed if another elemental hears me takin' a mutt's bone up th'ass."

"But you're so good at hiding them. Who needs a backyard when they've got you?"

"Hyuk it up, asshole."

The elemental got on its back and braced its legs against Horei's shoulders. It pulled its asscheeks apart with a horny growl. Looking into its hole was like peering into the muzzle of a charging electron rifle. Horei masturbated for show, then aimed for the electrified anus.

"Wait!"

Horei stopped.

"Ain'tcha forgettin' somethin'?"

Horei asserted control over facial muscles he couldn't feel by imagining things. Happy: smiles and balloons. Sad: crying and rainy days. Angry: stolen doughnuts and canceled talk shows. Unconscious expressions sometimes scaled the barbed wire of his awareness. The elemental, mistaking his surprise for cock-blocked impatience, quit being coy.

"Say th'line."

Horei blinked at him.

"Spark Plug, meet Lightnin' Rod," the elemental said.

Horei blinked again.

"You're th'weirdo who always says it!"

"Always?"

"It turns me on, I'll admit it."

Horei's current expression was one of holding out hope that a burst of laughter, elbowing of the side, or slapping of the knee would transpire any second now.

"We don't got rubber gloves or nothin'," the elemental continued, "but we can do without 'em. A vine'll work if y'find one sturdy enough to tie around my dick."

Horei tried a different approach this time.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Don't get prudish on me now, weirdo! You're a sick freak if I've ever met one, or my name ain't—"

5

THUNDERKISS! Help me! I've been attacked!

T.K. winced, clutching his forehead. "L-lain?"

"What's the matter?" the wolf on top of him asked.

"Why are ya talkin' through our link now? Who attacked you?"

One of Masamura Kage's men stole my body, the Lain shouting in his head said. He knocked me out, I couldn't reach you until now. If you see "me", he's the enemy. Capture him, unharmed!

T.K.'s eyes cleared and he sat bolt upright.

The wolf was gone.

Slow dawns were a sight to behold, especially when they didn't involve bottles of pure rage gradually being shaken with the realization that they'd been duped. Thunderkiss trembled. His unfocused, confused gaze slowly transitioned into something radioactive, and laser-sighted. If looks could kill, his would've made something explode.

Lain ran through the woods, following the invisible path of their soulbind.

Then something exploded.

T.K.'s crackling shriek echoed over the blast. Flashing lights flooded the dark woods. The world quaked beneath his feet. Lain ran in that direction after regaining his balance.

6

Several four letter words bobbed in Horei's mind as he ran in the opposite direction of the blast. They all ended in -uck, and none had anything to do with good fortune. Tonight couldn't possibly get any worse.

Horei ran face first into what he mistook for a steel statue.

The pain of cold metal edges jabbing into him, along with the sensation of his organs slamming against the wall of his skeleton at full speed, were entirely lost to him. The forest spun dizzily and he couldn't stand for a moment.

The statue bent over and offered its hand.

"Are you alright, Brother?" it asked.

Horei took Stowhart Granfyre's hand and was hauled to his feet.

"Yes."

"Why, um, are you naked?"

"I was having sex," he said.

"With Thunderkiss?" Stowhart asked, his expression riding between disgust and optimism. Horei, who'd resolved to comb himself for fleas after the mission, empathized.

"Yes, but he became...agitated."

"Me and half the forest heard as much. What happened?"

"Never mind that."

“Something you said?"

“In a manner of speaking," Horei groaned. How could Lain Granfyre have gotten away? He should've killed him when he had the chance.

“Look, I've severed our bond for now. Take me away from here, please."

"Of course," Stowhart said, forcing his tail not to wag.

Horei couldn't risk casting a spell here. Not where the elemental, Thunderkiss, might find him. He needed someplace quieter. Someplace where Stowhart Granfyre might walk into a knife, or off a cliff, or off a stump with a noose around his neck. Someplace where any non-magical accident, undetectable by a thunderbolt with a grudge, might occur.

The younger Granfyre led him to a camp farther into the forest. He couldn't hear so much as a moan from Nemissa's. Soup cubes melted in a pot beside a crackling campfire. A handheld gaming console lay nearby, tethered to a portable battery like a prisoner's ball and chain. Nocturnal insects screeched their welcome.

Stowhart, who'd taken off his armor, wore a blue jumpsuit. His claymore rested against his thigh while seated on a stump by the fire, stirring dinner.

Horei, now wearing leggings one might've described as "airy" or "comfortable" sat cross-legged beside him. He couldn't use the sword. He'd sooner lift a marble column and bludgeon Stowhart Granfyre with it. Nothing else with lethal possibilities was lying around, out in the open, anyway.

"You don't smile unless something troubling is on your mind, Brother," Stowhart said without looking from the pot.

"I'm happy," Horei stammered.

"How very portentous," Stowhart Granfyre said. "You didn't do anything extravagant tonight, did you?"

"There might have been some peacocking here and there."

Stowhart Granfyre looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Peacocking?"

"Even I occasionally "unplug", as it were."

The younger Granfyre squinted at him.

"I can't be a tall, dark, and handsome brooder all the time."

The brother continued staring, then returned to his pot. "Never call yourself tall, dark, or handsome ever again. Brooder is apt, but it's strange to hear you acknowledge it. If "unplugging" involved any animals from that brothel, I've got your shampoo in my pack and there's a stream nearby. Stay away from my tent until you use it."

Horei's gaze narrowed at a lonely backpack nearby. Intel mentioned Stowhart Granfyre was a proficient user of throwing knives.

“Thank you. A nice, long bath will capstone my relaxation." He stood up, slowly approaching the bag. "You won't catch anything from me, but what about our other 'companions'?"

"There's plenty of grass outside my tent. I'm sure they'll find something as soft as a sleeping bag. Before you go," Horei froze, "I want to apologize."

Horei screamed internally.

"What for?" Horei asked with exasperated curiosity. Was Lain Granfyre so vain a despot that he needed appeasement at every turn?

"I know you're under a lot of stress. We were triple-crossed—"

"Double-crossed," Horei, something of an expert on the topic, said.

“Double-crossed, forced to prostrate ourselves to Masamune Kage, and were attacked. You made a split second judgment call that got us out of danger. Even if he dared you to do it, I had no right to be upset when I wasn't helping. I'm...not doing enough. I want you to rely on me. I..."

Oh Gods, is he crying? What kind of cheesy melodrama did I fuck myself into?

Horei patted Stowhart Granfyre's massive shoulder. "You're under a lot of stress too, Brother. Forgive me if I said anything crass. Let's bury it now. Incidentally, where do you keep your knives?"

"The kitchen knives are in the duffel bag," Stowhart Granfyre sniffed, "second bottom pocket."

Horei stepped away and was stopped. Nothing blocked his path at his feet. He looked back, where Stowhart'd grabbed him by the wrist. "We're a united front, Brother," he said. "We have to be. For Milly."

"Who?"

The wellspring in his eyes dried up like a desert on Mars. "Emil. Our brother."

"Yes, right," Horei said, his latest internal scream sounding more panicked than the rest. "It's been a long night, Brother."

Stowhart Granfyre stood, one hand now clutching Horei's, the other grabbing his claymore's thick handle.

"What's my fiance's name?"

"Deborah," Horei said.

"Which academy did you attend when you were ten years old?"

"Tryart."

"What's your favorite anime?"

"Thunder Man."

Stowhart Granfyre nodded and released his hand. Horei relaxed until, both hands now freed, the younger Granfyre pointed his claymore an inch from his nose.

"Where's my brother? What have you done with him?"

"I'm your brother!"

"It's a good disguise, I'll give you that. You've studied Lain extensively."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Horei said.

"I'm talking about game show study methods. Did you know? There's a certain way the most successful contestants study to prepare for shows."

"What—"

The claymore's point touched his nose.

"Don't interrupt, I rarely get a chance to monologue," Stowhart Granfyre said. “Successful contestants study a wide range of information, while losers tend to study topics that've already been on the show. They trip themselves up on trick questions and surprise categories, like you just did. You didn't even notice there was a trick question."

There was a pause where even the crickets held their breath. Horei's deep sigh said he had enough of this bullshit, but also that he'd been waiting for an excuse to go nuclear.

"You wouldn't believe the night I've had, impersonating your brother," he said, a serpentine guise twisting his features. "Not that it matters now, but you've piqued my interest. Where did I slip up?"

“My fiance's name is Deborah von Melodia," Stowhart Granfyre began, “and Lain did go to Tryart Academy, and he does have a," he hesitated, “lamentable overfondness of Thunder Man, but Lain wouldn't answer such inane questions, and he definitely wouldn't admit to watching anime. Now, the only slip up you need to worry about is your head falling off its shoulders, if you don't tell me where my brother is."

"I am your brother," Horei said.

“Don't test me."

Horei circled Stowhart, who moved to keep his blade level with his neck at all times. "I look like him, don't I? Would a costume of Lain really trick you at spitting distance?"

"It's dark. Tensions are high," Stowhart said, uncertain.

"But you can 'smell' me. Canines have remarkably sensitive noses, I'm told. I don't 'smell' like a stranger wearing a costume, do I?"

"No…"

Horei moved slowly so he wouldn't notice. One step, one inch, at a time.

"And I sound like Lain Granfyre too. Can an impostor truly mimic a person's voice exactly?"

"With magic."

"Indeed, like the magic I used tonight. This is Lain Granfyre's body, and I have ways of using it to make you bend to my will!"

Horei dove for the duffel bag and sprang to his feet again, holding something from it to his neck with a mad grin. He looked at what he was holding when Stowhart Granfyre's face made an expression he hadn't expected.

It was a deodorant stick.

Horei stepped away from the campfire. He tossed the stick over his shoulder before digging through the bag again.

Tape gun.

A flashlight.

Box of soap flakes.

The fabled shampoo.

Ah!

Horei brandished a big kitchen knife and held it to his own throat, grinning madly.

7

Thunderkiss flew across the forest with Lain in his arms. Saying there wasn't anyone he wanted to kill more in all of Three Worlds was technically true. Everyone else was already dead, and he didn't like leaving his 'To-Do' lists hanging for long.

He means to kill us one by one, Lain, tongueless, said through their link. Masamune saved me, until the part where his goons nearly used me as a toilet.

“I didn't know Masamune had goons," Thunderkiss said.

Apparently it's a long story.

"That body-snatchin' bitch!" Thunderkiss shouted in a whiplash of fury. “I'll fry 'em black 'n crispy! I'll rip his heart out 'n saute it on my palm! I'll…I'll…!"

Do no such thing. That's MY body.

T.K. snarled. "A full body swap! He must've been a powerful mage."

He is now that he's me, Lain, to whom inappropriate moments to gloat were opportunities wasted, said.

"What spell did he use? Icabod's Trade? Spirit Sneak?"

Well…

"Oh, I know! It was Soul Waltz wasn't it? You can't dance for shit."

Stowhart's anguished cry echoed through the woods and Lain'd never been so grateful to hear it.

There! Behind those trees, hurry!

They flew into Stowhart's campsite where they found Horei of the Demonic Petals, who wore a look of maniacal glee until noticing them. He and Stowhart, who stood with his hands up and a knife to his throat, made the face. Horei, because he was about to get barbecued. Stowhart, because his clothes were in shreds around his feet and Thunderkiss'd just whistled. He tucked it in and covered himself with his hands, blushing.

His reaction would've brightened Thunderkiss's evening, if it instead wasn't brightened by enraged sparks flying from his electric mane upon seeing Horei. Three charged glares trained toward him now. His grip on the kitchen knife limpened.

"Come now, we all had a good time while it lasted, right?" Horei sneered despite the four-letter diatribe repeating itself in his head again.

"Especially you," he pointed to Thunderkiss, “we had such a powerful connection, my lovely 'Spark Plug'."

Lain threw himself at Thunderkiss a split second before he spat a massive energy ball. Scorched wind zoomed past Horei's right ear. Light flew through the forest's darkness, illuminating where it traveled like a lantern dropped into a black well. Then the ball collided with something. It could've been a tree. A person. A rock. Someone's collection of Missy Elephant albums arranged in a pyramid. Whatever it was was now gone, enveloped in a massive white flash. Nobody heard anything at first, then realized it was because they couldn't hear anything over the ringing in their ears. The forest collectively leaned away from the blast zone as hot gusts tore branches and leaves and bushes off in a whirlwind of force. Then it stopped. The flash died, darkness nervously tittering in its place again.

Horei's grin remaining intact was evidence that a good poker face was stronger than any glue.

That's my body, you idiot! Lain mentally cried, and several large stones hurtled toward them before T.K. could respond. He lifted Lain and wove around the hailstorm Horei summoned to crush them.

Stowhart charged at Horei's back, who made another hand sign toward the campfire without looking. Weak embers became a wave of flames that crashed down on Stowhart's side. He threw himself down, narrowly dodging flames that splashed like lava where he once stood. A second wave rose as Thunderkiss zoomed by, snatching Stowhart by the wrist before it could devour him.

"Don't run! I can finally deal with the three of you all at once!" Horei shouted playfully and, with another sign, summoned winds that carried him after them.

Horei flew past their hiding spot. Down in the shrubs a glowing, growling Thunderkiss found himself beneath a literal dogpile.

"So, who's this fox on my back?" Stowhart whispered. Laying on T.K. was lying on a bunch of space heaters. He couldn't imagine how Lain did it. He had to hold himself to keep it from burning off.

"Your brother," T.K. said. "Don't bother askin'. Fucker burned his tongue out after stealin' his body."

"Brother, is it really you?" Stowhart asked automatically.

"Yebpsh," Lain said.

"See?"

"I had to be sure."

"Why would I like about somethin' like that?"

"Why would you lie about anything you lie about?"

"Gods, here we go."

"Shumb upbh!"

"What?" Stowhart asked.

"He said 'shut up'."

"Oh."

"Ah, so you believe me now."

Lain groaned, massaging his temples.

"Look, okay, fine. Now's not the time."

"Right," Thunderkiss said. “We gotta figure out a way t'fry that fucker without fryin' your brother."

"We'll need to capture him first," Stowhart said. "I've got a plan, but we'll have to work together."

There was a pause.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What's th'plan? Th'fuck were you expectin', a fade to black?"

"I dunno! I thought you'd argue a little bit," Stowhart stammered.

"You said it yourself, Tinhead, now's not th'time," Thunderkiss said, smirking, "Don't got any better ideas, so th'floor's all yours."

"Fair enough," Stowhart said, honestly surprised. "But first, tell me everything you know about this guy."

8

He should've left. He should've regrouped with Gunso, or gathered some men, or done anything aside from confronting them again, but he couldn't.

He didn't have to hold back anymore. He could use this body's powers to the fullest.

It felt so...so...exhilarating!

It was the kind of mad-with-power adrenaline rush that all villains experience once in their lifetimes, because they were usually standing near a bottomless pit or a big red button with a skull and crossbones on it.

But no, he was different. Invincible even. They wouldn't risk harming Lain Granfyre's body. The look on Stowhart Granfyre's face while he cut off his clothes, under threat of slitting his brother's throat, was priceless. What face would he make while his organs were being boiled within his body? Horei shivered with anticipation.

He'd wipe them all off the face of Three Worlds.

He just had to find them first.

Then he did.

Stowhart Granfyre, alone, Gods bless him, meandered through bushes as cautiously as his bulk would allow. Horei propelled himself at the mutt's back at mach speeds. Campfire flames circled his right arm. Large stones orbited his left side. Stream water cascaded over an invisible sphere around him.

The cackling wolf went one the attack, one moment a sinister effigy of the four elements, an immobile, bathetic heap on the ground the next. His nose'd been an inch away from Stowhart's head, then some elastic counterforce slammed him backwards through the dirt. A thrumming, hoarse croak came out of his mouth instead of the wrathful scream he'd expected. His vision rattled like his eyeballs were being shaken in their sockets.

"Ah, it's about time you showed up," eight Stowhart Granfyre's said at once.

"BBBBBZZZZBBZBZZZZT!" Horei replied.

"Lay off some of the juice, Thunderkiss."

The elemental stepped forward. From Horei's augmented point of view, a jagged yellow blob stepped beside Stowhart Granfyre's afterimages. This effect lessened gradually, enough to where Horei could see clearly and move his neck to see what held him down. A sparking, yellow net bound him up. He still couldn't move below the neck, his limbs spasming when he tried.

"H-hooooow!?" he shouted in a scratchy, jouncing voice.

“You can't feel anything in Lain's body," Stowhart said. “You burned my brother's foot, standing too close to the fire when you went through my bag. You could've gotten out of Thunderkiss' net, if you felt its jolts before it set in."

Lain emerged from the bushes last, growling.

"Babe said if you ever wanna shit right ever again, you'd better give him his body back!" Thunderkiss cackled. "You're gonna have t'get prostate exams with baseball bats when we're done with ya!"

Stowhart and Lain glanced at him from both sides.

"Paraphrasin' a bit," he said.

"And before you say something cliche like, 'I'll die for my Lord, canine filth," Stowhart began.

"I'll die for my Lord, canine filth!" Horei said at the same time.

"Yes. Right. As I was saying, before you say something like that, you should know Beatstick said something similar before Thunderkiss got him. My friend here tends to take things very literally—OW!"

Stowhart shook the hand he reached for T.K.'s shoulder with. "What was that for?"

"What was what for?"

"You shocked me!"

"No I didn't," it said, grinning.

"You did!"

"If I did shock ya, it's cuz you're draggin' shit out. Lemme get to th'non-lethal torturey bits already!"

Stowhart sucked his fingers. He had a whole speech prepared and everything. "You wouldn't have this opportunity if it weren't for me."

Thunderkiss, folding his arms, pouted. “Yeah, yeah. Good shit. Tin cans are good for somethin' besides kickin'. Who woulda thought?"

"YOOOOOOOOOOW!"

Stowhart saw the cudgel on a collision course with his face a split second before it was electrified. The Sky Wasp's electrocuted pilot veered off course, crashing in the woods behind them with a disproportionately fiery explosion.

"Lord Horei is cornered! Attack, fools! Attack!"

Another baboon in a Sky Wasp circled above them until Thunderkiss's lightning turned both into a juddering collection of gears and bones preceding another explosion.

Horei wore a manic grin and a third baboon mistaking him for Lain flew low, aimed, and THWACK! knocked him unconscious with his club.

Thunderkiss blew the pilot up a moment later.

He fired three more bolts, and three more explosions sounded off in rapid succession.

The monkeys were now leaping off their Wasps before impact, some landing on their faces, others rebounding off branches first before running, screaming, into the night.

"That's how ya shoot some bugs outta th'sky," Thunderkiss quipped, blowing smoke from his index finger.

"Nice shooting," Stowhart said begrudgingly. "Some got away, but A for effort. Looks like talking batteries are good for something besides juicing my consoles as well."

Lain recognized the sparks flying off T.K.'s shoulders, but instead of frying him to a crisp he said, "Looks like it," with a smirk.

9

Horei awoke to Stowhart and Lain Granfyre, Thunderkiss, the bear, and Masamune Kage standing above him.

Everyone but Stowhart, who wore an extra large logo tee and a pair of boxers, was naked. This bad dream could've been worse, he decided. He closed his eyes and someone kicked him. He didn't feel it. What he heard while his head bounced wildly on the taut chain of his neck was Lain Granfyre saying, "Take it easy, that's my face." It sounded like he spoke through a mouthful of cotton balls. "You couldn't make a better tongue than this?"

"Y'kno healin' magic ain't my thing. That's th'best I could do," Thunderkiss huffed.

Masamune Kage grabbed Horei's throat and hoisted him up to eye level at a speed suggesting he couldn't feel Hoeri's weight either.

"Well, well, well! Look who we found boys! It's Mr. I'm-Gonna-Get-The-Shit-Kicked-Outta-Me-So-Hard-They'll-Think-I'm-Havin'-Th'-Runs."

Hoeri tried casting a spell and nothing happened. The magic-nulling runes on his forehead glowed brightly.

"W-w-w-wait! Wait, wait, wait! I didn't mean what I said earlier. I'll talk, I'll talk!"

"AND give my brother his body back," Stowhart Granfyre growled.

"Yes!"

"AND tell us about your gay little friends and their powers," Thunderkiss added.

"Yes! Yes!"

"AND give us a signed copy of Wild-Eyed Leery's hottest diss track, and a free trip to Wisney Land," Ed said.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Ed ran a claw along an axe blade that told Horei to Get Fucked.

"He's just tellin' us what we wanna hear. I say we kill 'em."

"If only there was a way ta make sure he's tellin' us th'truth," Masamune sighed with rehearsed befuddlement.

"How about," Ferris said, emerging from his right.

"We torture th'shit outta him first?" Ferrari suggested, emerging from his left.

"What a great idea! But remember what Stowhart said? Fucker can't feel nothin'. We gotta get real creative," Masamune said gleefully.

"Oh, I'm sure we can think of somethin'," Ferris said in a voice so rich and black it belonged in a candy store.

"We've got all night," Ferrari chimed afterward.

Fourteen eyes and seven sets of fangs glittered wickedly in the moonlight over Horei, whose scream, with Nemissa's din nearby, was mistaken for somebody having the time of their life.