Gortoz 'A Ran - Ch 114 - To those I've wronged...
#115 of Gortoz 'A Ran
Having aced that interview at Callahan Nordyne and to have been accepted as a participant in the Young Professional Recruitment Program gave me a much needed boost of self-confidence. I was so happy that I passed their selection procedure and that a second interview wasn't even necessary. Hearing that they saw great potential in me based on the interview I had motivated me more than ever. The day my contract arrived through the mail was one of the best day's I've ever had and while I was carefully reading it, I had a huge grin from ear to ear on my face. Not only was this going to be a learning experience to fulfill my internship requirements but I would also get paid to do so. How often do you get a chance like that? So needless to say, I signed the contract once I've carefully read it. I've filled in some additional information regarding my college counselor so that Charlotte could communicate with her to inform them of my progress. I knew this experience would push my capabilities and skills to the limit but I also knew it would be so rewarding. And even though I realized that this wasn't going to be a walk in the park, I wanted to make the best of everything during my time as a Young Professional. Now that I had secured an internship, I was determined to make the most of the free time I had left before the new semester started...
Two weeks after the interview, Nikki left on her road-trip and has kept me up to date on her whereabouts, like she promised. And so far, she seemed to have been doing quite well. It's like all of a sudden, she changed into a completely different person. All the stories she told me on the phone, the pictures she showed me... It seems getting out the house really seemed to have been doing her some good. And I was so happy to see how she managed to turn things around for herself. But with Nikki out of the house for a couple of weeks, Meagan was alone so I've kept her company whenever I could by going out with her so that Friday evening was no exception. We stayed indoors to watch some movies because it was raining heavily outside. Munching on some popcorn while watching a movie and having a good time, I heard my phone vibrating at around nine o'clock all of a sudden and noticed an unknown number was calling me. I waited for the caller to hang up but he seemed rather persistent and even called back a couple of times... And it also seemed a strange time for a telemarketer to call... So I answered my phone to see who it was...
'Ceylan speaking.'
'Hi, it's me, Blain...'
'Oh hey, what's up? Why you're dialing from an unknown number?'
'I don't have access to my phone right now...'
'Everything alright? You sound kinda mopish.'
'Yeah, I'm alright, uhm... Listen, could you do me a favor...?'
'Of course, what's going on?'
'Could you come pick me up...?'
'Pick you up? Where, from the gym? Did your car break down?'
'No, not exactly...'
'Blain, what's going on? Where are you?'
'At the police station...'
'Police station?!'
'Yeah, I, uh... I got arrested...'
'What?! Arrested?! Why?! What the hell did you do?!'
'I came across Terry and uhm... Things got a little out of hand and well... We got into a fight.'
'Jesus Christ, Blain... Is Terry alright?'
'He'll live. Terry's here too and he's free to go as well so...'
'You two are un-fucking-believable... Is anyone picking him up?'
'Don't know... I heard he tried to call people but they didn't seem to answer the phone...'
'So you're free to go?'
'Terry's not pressing charges so yeah... They can't hold us here...'
'For fucks sake, Blain... Seriously...'
'I'm sorry...'
'Save it. Where'd they take you?'
'Shelford...'
'Is that the police station near that square, across the community center?'
'That's the one...'
'Alright... I'm on my way...'
'Thanks...'
'Don't thank me yet. You and I are gonna have a serious conversation.'
After that, I ended the call without even saying goodbye... What the hell were they thinking?? What the hell even happened?? I stared at my phone in disbelieve when Meagan all of a sudden placed a hand on my shoulder and when I faced her, she looked me right back in the eyes...
'Everything alright?'
'Terry and a friend of mine got arrested...'
'Arrested?? What happened??'
'They fought.'
'Why would they fight?'
'Terry's my ex and well... That "friend" of mine is the guy I'm currently seeing...'
'Oh... Oh, I see. Sooo how would they know about each other then...?'
'Because they used to be best friends. And I'm the reason that they're not anymore...'
'Ah... That's, uh...'
'I know...'
'You want me to come along...? You know, encase Terry is feeling a little, well... Resentful?'
'I appreciate it, Meagan but I really think I should be doing this alone. I need to have a serious talk with the both of them. This can't go on any longer.'
'I know but if you're gonna have a talk with them then perhaps its better to have someone neutral with you, someone who isn't picking sides.'
'I'm not intending to.'
'No but Terry doesn't know that. And if Terry thinks you're having a biased opinion then I don't think you'd reach to him.'
Meagan was right... As much I wanted to have a serious conversation with the both of them, I knew I couldn't do this alone. Meagan had to act as an arbiter of some sort encase things got heated during that conversation. She's always been good with people and it wouldn't have been the first time she got through to Terry, something I wasn't always capable of. It really showed when Meagan and I confronted Nikki and managed to talk Terry into seeing her. But the confrontation I was about to make had me scared because they're both stubborn and hotheaded. Knowing that I was the cause of all this was something that really had me on edge. It wouldn't have been the first time those two made a scene together but I realized the severity of the situation when Blain told me they fought. And that's why it couldn't go on any longer... I just couldn't let that happen anymore but I wasn't exactly looking forward to it... One way or another, all the grudges, resentment and the fights between us would end that night. I just had no idea how...
Meagan quickly changed clothes and so, we left the apartment. Once we got out of the building complex, we saw the heavy downpour on the street and ran to my car as fast as we could. It only took a minute for us to reach the car but by then, we were already soaked to the bone. It's actually kind of funny because looking back now, the way Meagan and I were running felt as if we were some emergency rescue team being dispatched to a crisis site. And I suppose in some way, we were... I imagined the Baywatch theme playing in the background whenever I think back but I sure as hell wasn't laughing back then... Turning the key in the ignition to start the car and setting the windshield wipers on highest speed, I realized just how low the visibility was when I turned the lights on. And so, the crisis intervention team was underway... Except unlike a crisis intervention team, we still had no idea what to do...
It took about half an hour before we arrived at the police station, mainly because of the bad weather. But when we arrived, I parked my car close to the entrance and Meagan and I ran as fast as we could. Luckily, the door of the police station opened automatically and we stood there in the hallway, soaked to the bone. A police officer at the desk in front of us looked up to see us all wet and I expected a remark of him of some sort about being a wet pussy but surprisingly enough, he didn't. But the big buffed Dobermann behind the desk didn't struck me as the kind of guy who'd enjoy an office job. His police uniform seemed too tight for his biceps who were as big as a baby's head and his broad chest made it look as if the buttons of his blouse could pop off any second and hit me right in the eye. The way he looked at us at first actually made me feel kinda intimidated by him. Nevertheless, a gentle smile appeared on his face and he talked to us in a deep, baritone and authoritarian** voice...**
'Hi, good evening, how can I help you?'
'Hi, I'm, uh... I'm here to pick up Dominic Rodriguez and Terry Williams.'
'Please sign out this form and take these visitors passes. Through the door on the left, follow your way to the holding cells. Check in at the desk and wait there in the lobby. I'll let them know you're coming.'
'Thank you...'
Meagan and I signed the forms like he told us to and once we took the visitor passes with us, he buzzed us through. We followed the signs in the narrow corridor until we reached the holding cells. A woman was already waiting for us and unlike that buffed Dobermann, she seemed a whole lot less intimidating. She told us to take a seat while she made a quick phone call and ten minutes later, the double doors were buzzed open and another police officer was escorting Terry out. He seemed kind of confused at first to be brought out, most likely because he had no idea who'd pick him up but when he looked up and saw me and Meagan sitting there in the lobby, he seemed quite surprised as well. The moment our eyes met, Terry quickly averted his eyes and looked down out of shame but Meagan and I were shocked to see him... He had cuts and bruises all over his face, and his lower lip had a deep cut with dried up blood... His clothes were dirty and his nose was still bleeding a little... He was so timid and so ashamed and whatever happened between those two, Terry certainly didn't deserve what happened to him... It was heart wrenching to see him so lost and I genuinely felt sorry for him... I stood up and got to him, placing a hand on his shoulder but he just couldn't look me in the eyes...
'Terry...? You alright...?'
He wasn't saying anything. Terry just kept staring down and averting his eyes as if he could break down any second... I took his hand, made him sit down next to Meagan and went over to the water dispenser to give him a cup of water. He gave a quick nod and a weak smile but he couldn't look at me for more then two seconds... And while Meagan stayed and watched over him, I waited for Blain to be escorted out the door... After a while, he too was coming outwith a police officer next to him. Even though he had several cuts and bruises as well, it wasn't nearly as bad as Terry. He too looked ashamed to realize how it ever got this far but again, not as much as Terry was... Blain walked up to me, having an uneasy smile... And it was his smile that pissed me off the most...
'Hey... Thanks for coming...'
I didn't say anything to him... I looked over at Terry and when Blain faced him, he got confronted with what he did... Blain knew he fucked up bad and that I was pissed at him... He realized that all too well when I gave him a death stare and if looks could kill, he'd be pushing up daisies ten feet below ground... It didn't take long for the police officers to figure out what happened. Like it was a daily routine for them to get caught up in relational conflicts. The way they were looking at us said enough and I couldn't help myself to feel quite embarrassed... But every time I looked at Blain, there was something incredibly off about him, like I didn't know him anymore... For the first time in my life, I looked at Blain with utter disgust and despised him more than anything for being capable of doing something like that... Looking back now, I realized I was too harsh on him but it sure as hell didn't feel like that back then... Usually, whenever I was mad, I made sure everyone would know by having a fit but that evening, I kept my silence because I was just too angry to have said anything to Blain and I think the silence hurt him the most... Facing Meagan and Terry, I told them to go and once they got up, I walked passed Blain without saying anything to him. I made my way out of the holding cells and left my visitor pass at the reception while Blain was trudging behind me, staring at the floor while Meagan and Terry were slowly walking behind him. Once we got out of the police station, the four of us were standing near the entrance, while I desperately tried to find out what the next move would be...
'Terry? Do you have anyone to come pick you up?'
'I tried calling Michelle a couple of times but she didn't answer her phone so...'
'What about your parents?'
'They're out of town...'
'I see... Want me to give you a ride?'
'N-No, no that's alright... I'll just take a cab home and-'
'No, not a chance. Come on, get in.'
I opened the door of my car and moved the passenger seat forward so that Terry could sit in the back and Meagan followed right after, which was a good move. I didn't know what would've happened if Blain and Terry sat next to each other while we were driving. But Blain didn't seem to have liked the idea that Terry would be in the same car...
'You're really gonna let-'
'Get in.'
'Seriously? After all the-'
'I'm not gonna leave him there, Blain! Get your ass in the car or I'll fucking throw you back in that goddamn holding cell for you to spend the night in!!'
He certainly wasn't expecting me to snap like that and to be honest, neither did I... I never caught myself to be this angry with someone and almost instantly regret to have done so... Blain looked at me with big eyes but wasn't back talking to me anymore as I kept glaring at him. So without further protest, he got in. Once Blain took his seat, I got behind the wheel and so, the four of us drove off...
While I was driving, I kept thinking about the next step. Meagan and I couldn't come up with a plan before and we sure as hell couldn't now. I expected Blain and Terry to continue their arguments but surprisingly, both of them were unusually quiet... But that didn't help to decide what the next move would be and I honestly had no idea what to do. Nevertheless, I wasn't intending on just simply dropping them off. I was stalling time by driving around aimlessly while trying to come with something. No one knew where we were going but no questions were asked either. I figured that if we're going to have that talk, we shouldn't be alone encase things got out of hand again. So we had to be somewhere public. And at some point, we drove along Gainsborough Boulevard and I saw O'Malley's Pub up ahead which used to be our regular hangout. And then all of a sudden, it struck me...** "Perfect..."**
I parked the car near the entrance of the pub and got out, running inside as fast as I could through the rain. Everyone else seemed a little surprised and had no idea what the hell we were doing here but again, no questions were asked. So they followed me inside. The pub itself was mostly deserted, seeing as it was no weather to be outside and most people stayed home. A couple of regulars were sitting at the bar, having a chat with the bartender but it was nice and quiet in the back so I made my way to an empty booth while the rest followed. Blain stood next to me and looked a little puzzled.
'Sit.'
'What are we doing here.?'
'Shut up and sit down, Blain.'
He looked at me for a moment but sat down anyway. Then Meagan sat down opposite Blain while Terry sat down next to Meagan. And once they all took a seat, I went over to the bar and ordered three shots of whiskey and a coke for me. Once the bartender poured me the drinks and after I paid him, I took the tray of drinks with me and placed a shot in front of everyone. After which, I sat down next to Blain.
'Drink up.'
'What are you on about...?'
I didn't answered that, probably because I wasn't quite sure myself... I kept a watchful eye as Terry and Blain hesitated to drink but Meagan downed hers in one go. After which, both guys followed her example. And after it stayed silent for a moment, I kept looking at Blain and Terry. Every time I faced either of them, I could just see the shame in their eyes before they averted their gaze. Since no one else was talking, I decided to start first...
'What the fuck is wrong with you two?'
'Uh...'
'You used to be best friends! How the hell did it ever get this far?!'
'You already know the answer to that...'
'Was it worth it then?'
'No...'
'What the hell happened?'
Neither of them were intending to answer that question. Both Blain and Terry were just staring down at the table, twiddling a beer coaster between their fingers and kept playing around with their empty glasses. But I wanted an answer from them and I wasn't going to let this one slide. It took them a while before they realized they weren't going anywhere without having answered this particular question. And then Terry looked up, quietly uttering those words...
'We just bumped into each other... That's all...'
'Uh-huh... Must've been one hell of a bump then.'
'It's just, you know...'
'Guys... This isn't about pointing the finger on who started the whole thing or who threw the first punch. I just wanna know what happened.'
'What's there to say, I mean...'
'What caused you guys to snap?'
'Don't know...'
'Well, something must've been different... It's never been this bad before.'
Terry sighed quietly and again, averted his eyes from when he clammed up all of a sudden. And when I realized that Terry wasn't going to give an answer, I turned my focus on Blain instead. He seemed rather uncomfortable being in the spotlight like that...
'It started with the usual insults, you know... Me calling Terry a dickhead... He called you a slut... Called me an asshole, that sort of thing...'
'Uh-huh... And that's what got it all started?'
'No... Instead of just walking away and leaving it at that, things got more heated. Until all of a sudden, he talked shit about Jason...'
'Oh...'
'I told you, I didn't know... And I'm sorry...'
'Go fuck yourself, Terry... You don't have a goddamn clue... You shouldn't talk shit about people you hardly know to get back at someone...'
After hearing that, I kind of understood why Blain reacted the way he did... Even though I've known the story, Meagan seemed a little puzzled. She didn't know who Jason was and what he meant to Blain. But Meagan wasn't filled in on that part. Answering that question nearly tore Blain apart...
'Who's Jason...?'
'He's uh... He's a close friend of mine but, uhm... He didn't make it back...'
'During your time in Sercia.?'
'Y-Yeah... He got shot and well... I wasn't...'
That's all he had to say about it... I felt his hand firmly squeezing mine under the table and blinked a couple of times before he averted his eyes again, staring down at the table. It took a couple of moments before his grip loosened up...
'And that's when I lost it... That's why I threw the first punch on that smug face of his...'
It just goes to show that every story has two sides... And somewhere, I was able to understand. But I never condoned their actions and certainly never encouraged them to fight. It all went too far this time... Every time something went down between them, they were both wrong and this time was no exception. I sighed quietly and kept staring ahead when it stayed silent for a while. At some point, I got up and headed towards the bar where I ordered another round of whiskey shots. Once I brought it to the table and placed a shot in front of everyone, I sat down as Blain and Terry kept staring at their drinks with hesitation. Normally, they wouldn't pass a free drink but they almost seemed reluctant...
'This needs to stop...'
'You're the one to talk... Look at you, sitting there and judging everyone as if you never had anything to do with it...'
'Terry, I just want us to stop fighting over something that happened long ago. It's not worth sacrificing your friendship for. It's been well over a year now... You guys need to let go...'
'After everything said and done, you expect me to let go...? Just like that...?'
'I thought you already did when you moved on to Michelle...'
Both Blain and Terry kept staring at each other as an uneasy silence surrounded us for a while. Every once in a while, Terry looked at me but as soon as I made eye contact, he averted his eyes.
'Look... I don't wanna be here, Ceylan...'
'Yeah, well... I won't stop you from leaving. But I honestly don't see how much worse it can get if we just stay and hear each other out. So we either talk or not. And if you wanna walk out, fine. But I'll leave you to it to find yourself a ride home and I sure as hell won't drive your ass around.'
'Heh...'
'We all know what happened so there's no point of holding back on each other. All I want is for us to hear each other out... Is that really too much to ask from you guys?'
'Right...'
'So what's with all the grudges and resentment towards us...?'
'What's troubling me is that you guys are always blaming me for everything that happened! You fucked off one day without ever telling me why, mister Testosterone over there followed your ass and chose sides without ever hearing my side of the fucking story!'
'Easy there, champ...'
'No, fuck you, Blain! I'm sick and tired of this shit! You guys are just as much to blame as I am when it comes to everything yet you always shift the blame to me to make yourselves feel better about it!'
'That's not true...'
'Is it? Then what the hell did I ever do to you guys to deserve the way you treated me?? I don't even know half of what the fuck happened to us or what the hell was going on!'
Terry was right... We didn't always treated him fairly... Blain chose my side when shit started to hit the fan and we've been avoiding Terry ever since. I've talked to him about it not too long ago and even though I apologized to him countless of times, it still wasn't enough for him. And I can understand... He didn't want an apology... He wanted an explanation why I broke up with him all of a sudden and why his friendship with Blain was crumbling down so fast. He wanted an explanation I wasn't able to give him back then. But now that I've sorted things out for myself, I saw things from a whole different perspective. Except in order to give that explanation, it was necessary to tell the whole story from the beginning, something I wasn't very keen on doing so...
'You have to understand that I've been with Blain long before I even met you, Terry...'
'I know you've been with him before. You were just looking for someone to replace him while he was in Sercia. I just never wanted to believe that...'
'... What?'
'But truth is, I'm not him so... Maybe that's the reason why it all went to shit...'
Blain looked at me and I was rather astounded by what I was hearing. "You were just looking for someone to replace him."** Those words kept echoing. I certainly wasn't expecting that... And the more I thought those words over, the more I realized that Terry was right... Now I was the one dumbstruck and couldn't utter a word... Instead, Terry did the talking and this wasn't how I imagined it would go... I wasn't prepared for any of this....**
'W-What are you talking about...?'
'When you and I first met, Ceylan, Blain knew I liked you. And while I knew you were with him, he always told me that nothing serious ever happened between you two and that you were just friends. And when Blain figured out I liked you, he stepped back.'
'Is that true, Blain...? Is that why you've kept me at a distance back then...?'
'Yeah...'
'Why'd you do that? I had no idea what was going on with you...'
'Because I was going abroad... And uhm... Heh...'
'Yeah but why have you kept me at a distance...?'
'I didn't want you to end up alone encase I, uh...'
'Encase what...?'
'Encase I wouldn't make it back alive...'
"Holy fuck..."** That was the most mind boggling thing I've ever heard... And from the look on Terry's face, I could tell that he was quite shocked to hear that as well... Meagan stayed quiet all along and seemed to have been the only one who tried keeping a straight face. Terry and I kept staring at Blain, waiting for an explanation and at first, he seemed hesitant to give one. But the longer we kept staring at him, the more he realized that he owed us one after saying that...**
'I know you always needed more than I can possibly ever give you, Ceylan... But you had to find it on your own and you couldn't do that when I was in the picture... So that's why I stepped back when Terry told me that he liked you...'
'Heh...'
'So I let you go to find your own way...'
'And you were okay with that?'
'In some way, I was... I didn't like the idea of you and him together but I knew you liked him too... So who was I to tell you that you shouldn't...? That's never been my decision to make... I wanted you to be happy, especially after everything you've been through... Even if that meant I wasn't the one to do so... And then one day, I left...'
'But you came back, didn't you...?'
'Yeah... Two years later... And nothing was the same anymore...'
'Heh...'
Even though my mind was spinning from hearing all these confessions, I tried to put the pieces of the puzzle together and slowly, things started to make sense, no matter how unreal it all seemed. And while I was quite confused myself, Terry seemed to have been more confused than I was... It seemed this conversation only raised more questions for him than he already had. But out of all the questions he had, there was one he needed an answer to the most. Terry just kept staring at Blain quietly at first... The longer it stayed quiet, the more worked up Terry seemed to get until all of a sudden, he became quite angry at him... He slammed his fists on the table and stood up... I was quite on edge because I was afraid things would escalate once more...
'Nothing was the same anymore, was it?! You keep saying how things have changed ever since you came back but the only thing that ever changed around here is you!'
'Terry...'
'No! Shut up, Ceylan! I wanna hear this from him!'
'Just calm down, okay...?'
'Do you even know how happy I was when your mother called me to let me know you were coming home?! How worried I was when I heard you got injured?! How relieved I was whenever you called or wrote a letter after not hearing from you for days, sometimes weeks at end?! I was there that day, Blain! I was there with your family that day at Ancaster Air-force base to welcome you back! We had a beer that evening and caught up like old times, laughing! And then things went to shit real fast when you started to act like an asshole more often than not while I didn't even know why! How many times have I asked you what was wrong, how many times have I tried reaching out to you?! Yet you kept me in the dark and every time we came across each other, you were pissed at me for no apparent reason! Why are you such a dickhead to me?! Why the fuck do you loathe me so much?!'
'Heh...'
'I was always there for you whenever you needed me to be, Blain! I was always the one who pulled you out of the mess you got yourself in to! I never judged you! I answered your phone-calls at three in the morning and literally fought along side you whenever shit went down! Sometimes we got the crap beaten out of us but that was alright because we were in that together! I've always put you first before anyone else, even when it came to Rachel because you were my best friend! After everything we've been through! What the fuck did I ever do to you, Blain?! Why the hell do you act like this towards me?! What the fuck did I ever do to you to be treated this way?!'
'Hey! You mind if you guys take this outside?! I don't want you causing any trouble inside, you hear?!'
Of course, Terry making a scene like that didn't exactly go unnoticed... The bartender and pretty much everyone else who was sitting at the bar had their eyes fixed on us, ready to jump on Terry and Blain any second if either of them was going to start a fight. Those guys at the bar weren't exactly the kind of people who'd call the police but would rather beat the shit out of someone first, throw them out on the street and then** call the police if anyone would start something. And that's exactly the reason why I chose this place to prevent the guys from going at each other's throat. Turned out to be a good call... Once Terry noticed none of those guys at the bar would hesitate to do so, he immediately toned down... And after a moment of silence, Terry sat down but looking ever so pissed, he kept staring at Blain... I expected Blain to say something but he stayed unusually quiet... All he did was twiddling that beer coaster between his fingers and kept staring at the table. But the look on his face said enough... Something in his eyes were telling me that he was torn apart by guilt and shame... I saw it ever since we left the police station... But after Terry's outburst, Blain's shame and guilt only seemed to grow... And it looked as if Blain could break down any second... Earlier that evening, I couldn't help feeling resentment for what Blain did. But now, seeing him like that, I felt sorry for him... Looking at Terry, I saw he had a hard time as well...**
'But you know what the most fucked up thing about all of this is...? Despite everything, I still miss you, Blain... I miss hanging out with you... I miss your ramblings whenever you're drunk or stoned out of your mind... I miss the good times we've had... Except you don't seem to... You were like a brother to me, man... But apparently, you don't feel the same way about me anymore for some reason I just can't understand... And maybe you never even considered me as one... At least Ceylan had the decency to talk to me and acts normal around me, unlike you... And even though things aren't alright between me and Ceylan, at least I can have a normal conversation with her without going at each other's throats... She manages to put our differences aside just so that we could talk... And just for that, she still proves to be a better person than you'll ever be, Blain... I just hope for her sake that, one day, she'll realize her mistake of having you around... But I just can't do this anymore...'
Terry kept glaring at Blain for a while but Blain quickly averted his eyes every time he tried looking at him... Terry stood up when he realized that Blain wasn't going to say anything and got ready to leave... He didn't finish his shot of whiskey... Instead, he placed it in front of Blain...
'I don't know what I ever did wrong for you to turn against me like that... But for what it's worth, I'm sorry... I truly am...'
Blain stared at him for a moment before Terry turned around and walked away from the table. We all watched Terry leave, most likely for the last time. While Terry and I would still occasionally see each other whenever we were at Nikki's place, Blain would most likely never see him again... And if they come each other across, Terry would probably just ignore Blain or pretend he wouldn't exist... But instead of calling him names, Terry apologized to him... And I think that hit Blain harder than any insult ever could...
'I couldn't deal with it, you know... To know that you and Ceylan have been together while I was away... And I keep being reminded of that every time I see you...'
"Christ. I knew it... I fucking knew it..." Terry stood dead in his tracks and turned around when he heard that, facing Blain.
'You always said you were okay with it...'
'I was... But when I came back, I learned you two broke up yet were still seeing each other...'
'It's not like that, man...'
'Is it...? How would I know if that's true or not...?'
'You would know if you'd ask me and I never would've lied to you... But you never bothered to ask...'
Terry was about to turn around and walk away again when Meagan all of a sudden shared her piece of mind for the first time that evening. And I suppose she wanted to prevent Terry from leaving simply because he hasn't heard Blain's side of the story...
'Blain might've been afraid of the answer he might get if he ever asked that question to you or Ceylan. And perhaps that's the reason why he never asked. But it's obviously bothering him.'
'Is that why he changed into a dickhead?'
'Well no, I suppose not... But it's only fair to hear him out after he listened to you.'
Terry closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. He seemed reluctant to sit down again and hear what Blain had to say. The way Terry sighed almost sounded like he was a annoyed but nevertheless, he sat back down after a moment, which was another step closer. But Blain didn't seem to want to share his side of the story. And again, it was Meagan who took the initiative to break the ice after Blain wasn't intending to talk any time soon. It's obvious he had a lot more difficulty sharing on what was on his mind than Terry, which is why Meagan took the initiative...
'Just tell Terry what you want him to know, Blain.'
'I don't know where to start...'
'You mentioned that everything changed after you came back.'
'Yeah...'
'In what way did it change?'
'Nothing felt familiar anymore... I mean, I've been gone for two years and it seemed as if everyone moved on except for me... Things just aren't what they used to be and being around friends never made me feel more lonely... I've missed out on so many things while I was away, it feels as I can't relate to anyone...'
'How so?'
'I've been through a couple of rough months since I came back... I've had a couple of setbacks and one by one, friends started to leave simply because they couldn't deal with it when I kept them at a distance...'
'But in times like that, friends and family can be a great help to get you back up on your feet.'
'Most weren't...'
'But obviously, Ceylan and Terry were there for you, weren't they?'
'Yeah...'
'So why would you keep the people who are trying to be there for you at a distance?'
'I just didn't want them to get too personal with me... I had to focus on building my life and not staying behind by talking to someone about it... And that's exactly what happened every time someone wanted to look after me...'
'Is that why you kept Terry at a distance?'
'Yeah...'
'So what about Ceylan?'
'I've had a hard time seeing her at first... But she knew what I needed... Reminded me of the reason why I came home... But I've kept her at a distance as well at first...'
'So what has changed to let her back in?'
'She found me at the park when I had one of those setbacks... And I've lost my way for a while but she reminded me of a promise she once made, just as much as I've always kept to mine...'
'What promise?'
'That we'll always be there for each other...'
'Heh...'
'And I've never left her side since...'
'So where does Terry fit in all of this? What did he ever do to be treated this way?'
Blain sighed quietly and averted his eyes once more when that question came up, like he never wanted to answer that question in the first place. A lot has been said but so far, we haven't actually heard the reason why he kept Terry at a distance and why he started loathing him. I had a hunch but it was something Blain had to tell if he ever wanted to make things right...
'I just... I was afraid that I'd lose Ceylan if Terry kept being in the picture, even after they broke up...'
'Blain, the only reason why Ceylan and I are seeing each other is because Ceylan and I have a friend who's going through some difficult times. Ceylan and I both played a part in that and well... We need to be there for her. It wouldn't help Nikki if Ceylan and I keep fighting each other...'
'I know... She told me...'
'Then why the hell can't you trust me when I say that there's nothing going on between me and her?'
'I do trust you when you and Ceylan tell me that nothing's going on... But that's never been the issue... I know you've been close with her and even though I didn't like it, I could live with it... After all, I can't claim her and I can't tell her what to do... But she was in love with you, so I didn't had a say in any of it...'
'So what's the problem then?'
'I just didn't want to lose her to you...'
While I always knew I had a part in everything that happened, I never realized how much of an impact it had on them. It explained a lot why Blain used to feel guilty or why he kept me at a distance. Why he doesn't want to commit. But I never meant to drive them apart. Blain was okay with it when Terry and I were dating. And maybe he was even okay with the idea that Terry and I were having sex, what Blain most likely assumed... He never acted like this whenever I was together with Samantha... But what I think Blain was afraid of was losing someone who's always been there for him... What he didn't realize was that I'd never leave his side after all these years, no matter what would happen... What he didn't realize was that I needed him just as much as he needed me... Yet hearing everything that was said also made me feel ashamed after realizing what I've set in motion ever since things started to go downhill... I know I've played my part in all this but the idea that it wasn't all my fault somehow didn't make me feel any better... Looking at Blain and Terry, I could see that they were just as ashamed as I was for ever letting it get this far... And so, the three of us just sat there quietly, contemplating our actions... I suppose no one knew what to do to make things right and move forward... But lucky for us, we had Meagan sitting with us that evening... She scraped her throat and once the three of us looked up and faced her, Meagan told us her piece of mind...
'The three of you have all done and said things to have hurt each other deeply, sometimes without even realizing that. All of you played an equal part in how things turned out the way they are. But like Ceylan said, this isn't about pointing fingers and blame one another for their mistakes. It's about moving forward. And if the friendship between the three of you was as strong as you once thought it was, then I believe that this too is something that can be overcome.'
'Heh...'
'You guys were all too busy fighting each other to have forgotten all the good times you've had. And all things considered, it still wasn't worth sacrificing your friendship over. Especially not after tonight...'
'No...'
'It's easy to forget that sometimes, the people who are the closest to you are also the ones who can hurt you the most. But I don't believe any of you did so on purpose. There was a lot going on back then with Ceylan who had to sort things out for herself, Blain who went through difficult times after his return to Renaria and Terry who didn't understand what was going on. Everyone was caught up with something and didn't see where it was all going. But it all led to that one point where two close friends started fighting over something they never had control over while Ceylan was stuck in the middle all along. But you also need to realize that Ceylan was never a prize to be fought over, regardless of what she means to you.'
'Even when she played us out against each other?'
'Ceylan never played you out against each other because everything you and Blain fought over was based on assumptions while no one told the whole truth. Ceylan certainly played a part but you two made it worse than it actually was by telling Ceylan different stories that at some point, she no longer knew what to believe anymore. So what did you guys expect her to do when no one was truly honest about what was going on? I understand you're angry about how things turned out, Terry and the need to blame someone but everyone keeps shifting the blame even though you're all equally at fault here. How would that solve anything when everyone keeps pointing fingers at each other? It's time to stop all of this and move forward.'
I was so happy that Meagan was there that night. She was good with people and always managed to look at things objectively without picking sides, no matter how difficult the situation was. After Meagan told her piece of mind, I could see both Blain and Terry thinking about her words and how they slowly started to sink in. And after a while, Terry kept staring at Blain...
'What the fuck were you thinking, you fucking asshole... You're a real dickhead, you know that...?'
'I know...'
'All this time I thought it was Ceylan who played us out against each other but it turned out to be you... To have been through difficult times wasn't a goddamn excuse to have treated me like shit, Blain... I wanted to be there for you as well, you daft cunt... Instead, you kept me at a distance, afraid that if you'd let me back in your life, you'd lose Ceylan...? Seriously...?? That ship has sailed long since, like a fucking year and a half ago, Blain... And you've punched me in the face because of some crazy ideas that somehow found its way inside that melon shaped head of yours...'
It's never easy to make amends to those you've wronged, whether it was on purpose or not. And I could see that Blain had a hard time accepting how he played his part in all of this. Even though Terry and I somewhat made up to each other, there was still a lot to talk about. But as time went on, it became easier to see each other when neither of us weren't feeling resentful towards each other anymore. Despite our bad break up, it was the first step we took to make amends. We were both willing to set our differences aside to help Nikki out. Question was if Blain was willing to set his differences aside as well... I knew he missed Terry having around, just as much as Terry missed him... Except they both were too stubborn and proud to admit that... But there comes a time in your life where you start to realize the importance of someone in your life... And I believe that moment came for Blain when he finally said it...
'You're right... I really did change, didn't I...'
'You were gone for two years, man... And I've missed you more than you could possibly ever know... A lot has changed but our friendship wouldn't have been one of those things... And I can understand that settling back in wasn't easy but you could've just told me if you needed time...'
'A lot has happened ever since and somewhere along the line, I had no idea what the hell I was doing anymore... Or how to make things right but I fucked up bad, Terry... I really did... And I'm sorry... I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you... I'm sorry to have let you down and that I was such an asshole to you... I don't know what the hell happened to me or what came over me but I should've trusted you... I'm sorry, Terry... I'm so sorry to have punched you in the face... I shouldn't have done that...'
Blain's voice got more hoarse the longer he told Terry that he was sorry... I could see his lips trembling until at some point, Blain started to clam up when it looked as if he could break down any second... And at that moment, it seemed as if all of the fights and resentment for each other didn't matter anymore... I had a hard time not to break down in tears myself but it was already too late for Meagan who already wiped a tear from her eyes when we all saw how lost Blain was... He leaned on the table with his elbows while clenching the back of his head, while I heard a tremble in his breathing... And I could swear I saw a couple of tears hitting the table... I suppose I wasn't the only one who noticed that... When Terry saw that as well, he got up from his seat and stood next to Blain, placing a hand on his shoulder... Blain looked up the moment Terry did and looked at him surprised at first... And at that very moment, Blain stood up as well and threw his arms around his shoulder, giving him a firm hug... I know he didn't want to show it but Blain couldn't help to sob quietly in front of us... All that guilt, all that shame just came flooding down... I felt a tear rolling down my face yet at the same time, I couldn't help myself to smile... Not only because of that moment they shared together that reminded them of how their friendship used to be but also because despite everything we've put Terry through, Terry always found it in his heart to forgive us for what we've done... And just because of that, he earned my sincere respect... But just because they hugged didn't meant all was forgiven and that they were back to being best buds again...
'I'm still pissed at you, you know...'
'I know... I just don't know what to do to make things right...'
'I wouldn't know either...'
'I'm so sorry, Terry...'
'Me too...'
They stood there for quite some time, hugging each other... And when Blain managed to calm down, he looked at Terry and realized that even now, Terry was there for him... He closed his eyes and sighed quietly once that started to sink in... Blain looked down for a moment and rubbed his eyes... Even though the three of us had no idea how to move forward from this point on, I felt relieved... The two of them finally talked, which was a start... Of course there was still a lot more to talk about but I figured it was enough for one night... When I looked at Meagan, she smiled as I gave her a quick nod to thank her... Yet despite that, there was an uneasy silence simply because no one knew how to move forward from this point on... But Terry was too conflicted to decide whether or not he'd have us back in his life... And I honestly can't blame him for the way he's been treated...
'I don't know if things will ever get back the way it used to be between us... Hell, I'm not even sure if I'd have you back at all with everything that happened... But to be honest, it's not something I want to think about right now...'
'Yeah... I can understand...'
'Alright...'
And with that said, it stayed quiet again... Blain kept staring at his shot of whiskey that he hasn't finished but after a while, he placed Terry's shot of whiskey that he gave him earlier in front of Terry... Terry kept looking at it for a moment and then back to Blain, who raised his glass up and kept staring at Terry with penetrating eyes... Terry hesitated the moment he saw Blain raised his glass but took his drink in his hand anyway and reluctantly, he held it up as well but rather indifferently... Both of them downed their drink in one go and that's all there was to it... There was still so much tension between them, like they could start lashing at each other again any second... And even though the start of making their amends was all so fragile and brittle, it was nevertheless an honest attempt for the first time since...
We left O'Malley's not long after that... I dropped Blain off first at the gym so that he could pick up his car there and drive home... Once we arrived on the parking lot, Blain turned around and faced Terry, who gave him a quiet nod... And after looking at me for a moment, Blain got out of my car and headed over to his... Meagan stepped out of the car to sit in the front seat but when we both saw Blain walking away, I stepped out of the car as well and headed towards him... It didn't take long before Meagan joined... When he noticed we were following him, Blain stopped and threw his arms around my shoulders, hugging me tight...
'Thanks, Ceylan...'
'Are you gonna be alright...?'
'Y-Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine... I'm just gonna go home and get a good night of sleep...'
'As you probably should...'
'Heh...'
While Meagan stayed silent, she kept looking at Blain and smiled right at him... Something about that smile seemed to have brighten his spirits a little and he smiled right back at her...
'You know, this isn't how I usually meet new people... Some first impressions, huh...?'
'It's alright... Ceylan has told me so much about you so don't worry about those first impressions... I'm Meagan, by the way...'
'I'm Blain... It's good to meet you...'
'Likewise... Maybe the four of us can do this again some time soon... Preferably under better circumstances... And then you can tell me why people call you Blain instead of your real name...'
'Hehehe... Maybe... Who knows...'
'Just remember what your friendship with Terry was all about and what made it so strong in the first place... If you both can do that, I think you'll all be just fine...'
'Thank you...'
'Any time...'
And with that, Blain looked at me and gave me one final hug before he turned around to walk away to his car... Once he got in, Blain drove off while Meagan and I got back in my car, with Meagan sitting in the passenger seat next to me... Along the way, it stayed unusually quiet once more and the ride seemed to last forever... But when we finally got to her building complex and I parked my car on the side of the road, Meagan leaned over to give me a hug and thanked me for bringing her home... And just when she was about to open the door to get out, Terry placed a hand on her shoulder... She turned her head towards the backseat and leaned over to give Terry a hug as well... Meagan said her goodbyes and got out of the car, making her way towards the entrance while Terry got out of the backseat and sat next to me in the passenger seat... And once Meagan got inside, Terry and I drove off to his place...
During the ride to his house, there was an uneasy silence except for the radio that was quietly playing some tunes while every once in a while, some overenthusiastic radio host interrupted... I looked at Terry who was leaning against the window, staring outside at the rain... It took about twenty minutes to reach his house and once I parked my car on the side of the road, Terry didn't even noticed we arrived... He just kept staring outside, lost in thoughts... I gently nudged his shoulder and snapped out of it the moment I did, looking at me a little surprised...
'We're here...'
'O-Oh, yeah, thanks for taking me home...'
'You okay...?'
'Yeah, I'm good...'
'Alright...'
'Listen, Ceylan, uhm... I'm sorry... I mean, all this time, I thought it was you who'd set him up against me but... '
'That doesn't really sound like me...'
'No... But things start to make a whole lot more sense now...'
'Yeah, it sure does... But I wasn't exactly treating you fair either...'
'I guess we both fucked up...'
'I suppose we did... But truth is, you'll always think you're right until you see it from a different perspective... Every story has two sides, Terry... No matter how difficult it is or whether you want to hear it or not, it's important that you do... And that goes for everyone, including me...'
'Yeah... I just didn't want things to turn out the way they did...'
'But it did and we can't change that anymore... All we can change now is how we'll move forward from this point on...'
'I guess so...'
Terry sighed quietly and kept looking at me every once in a while... I expected him to get out of the car as fast as possible but instead, he stayed seated... Looking at Terry, I realized he still needed some answers... From me, this time... So I turned the ignition off and it stayed quiet for a moment while I could hear the heavy rain hitting the roof...
'You know, Terry... I wasn't lying when I said to you that I wasn't girlfriend material... That I wasn't the kind of girl you'd want to be with... But despite everything that happened, I still hope that you know the feelings I had for you were real...'
'Until Nikki came along...'
'Yeah... But I fucked that up too, so...'
'Heh...'
'I never meant to go behind your back... But I was just too afraid to tell the truth... Not only because I cheated on you but also because I was afraid to tell you that I'm bi...'
'You could've just told me, you know... I wouldn't have thought any lesser of you if you did...'
'Well no but so many things were happening in my life back then, Terry... I was afraid that you'd react like my mom did when I came out to her...'
'I'd rather wanted you to tell me then finding out the way I did...'
'I know but this has never been Nikki's fault... She didn't want me at first until I promised her we'd tell you everything... Except we never did until you came over to her place so that she could confess everything... Nikki called me up to ask me to come over but told me her intentions once I arrived and half an hour later, you were outside ringing the doorbell... I wasn't ready to confront you just yet...'
'Yeah, she did the same to me... She called, told me she had to see me and when I arrived, I saw you sitting there on the couch... I thought Nikki wanted to confess to you what happened between me and her...'
'How'd that happen...?'
'She came over the night you broke up with me and we started talking... I told her you and I weren't doing so great lately and that I suspected you of seeing someone else... And I'm not quite sure what happened but at some point, Nikki and I were talking about us instead...'
'What do you mean, us...?'
'Us as in Nikki and me...'
'But you two have never been romantically involved together... Were you...?'
'No, we weren't...'
'But you have, sexually...'
'Yeah...'
'You didn't talk her into it, did you...? Manipulated her in any way or-'
'No, of course not... It was just me doing "things" to her, you know, long before I even met you... She just wanted to know what it was like...'
'Uh-huh... What kind of things, Terry...?'
'You seriously want me to answer that...?'
'If it helps me to understand, then yes...'
'Alright, let's just leave it at foreplay stuff, okay...? That's all that happened before I even knew you and that only happened one time... It seemed so innocent at the time and neither of us were thinking too much about it but afterwards, things became a rather awkward...'
'Okay, go on...'
'Anyway, she brought it up the night you broke up with me... Nikki became a lot more "affectionate" and well...'
"It" happened...'
'Yeah... Except the both of us had regrets afterwards... And it's something that still plays a part... So yeah... We're all at fault and share the blame equally...'
It's funny to remember the exact thought that was going through my mind that night... And with everything we talked about at O'Malley's, I tried to put everything into perspective...
Blain was my fuck-buddy before he left and I fell in love with this best friend once Blain was gone. I've put Terry through some bullshit because my life was a mess back then but nevertheless, he wanted to be with me. It took quite some time but Terry and I made it work and I thought I was finally happy until Nikki came along. Nikki and I started to spend more and more time together until I fell in love with Nikki instead. I was too afraid to tell Terry the truth and saw Nikki behind his back until she finally gave in to her feelings for me. Things eventually got too complicated for me to keep up and lying to Terry every time didn't exactly do me good either. And instead of telling Terry the truth, I broke up with him in order not to face the consequences. Except Nikki felt too guilty to have "stolen" her best friend's girlfriend and confessed everything while Terry thought Nikki wanted to confess they both had sex together. Terry was angry of course when he learned I was seeing Nikki behind his back and then disappeared out of our lives while my relationship with Nikki went to shit. With all the guilt tripping and me eventually cheating on her, my relationship with Nikki was doomed to fail from the very beginning. Terry had a grudge for the way we broke up and I had a grudge against him for sleeping with Nikki. Nikki was going through hard times and a year later, she finally snapped. Blain came back after two years and I was no longer seeing Terry or Nikki, I started seeing Blain again instead. Meagan reunited Terry and me when we learned Nikki had suicidal thoughts. And because of that, Terry and I agreed to put our differences aside to help Nikki out. And once Blain found out Terry was still in the picture, he kept throwing more and more oil on the fire to keep Terry away from me, which led Terry to the assumption that I was playing both Blain and Terry out against each other, ruining their friendship. Things started to escalate between them over the following months which eventually caused them to end up at a police station...
It's fucked up, isn't it? So many choices I made seemed to have made sense back then and I suppose Terry and Blain felt the same about it... But the thing is, those bad choices only drove us apart... It only caused for more grudges and resentment towards each other and I guess that happens when no one tells the whole truth... But my grandmother once told me that even half a truth is a whole lie, which is why things went from bad to worse... But now that we knew the whole story and managed to see everything from someone else's point of view, who knows... Maybe we really were able to change over a new leaf... And I suppose only time could tell if we were to succeed in doing so...
'-Ceylan?'
'Huh?'
'You alright?'
'Oh, yeah, I just, uh... I was just lost in thoughts, that's all...'
'I know it's a lot to take in but...'
'She came to you that night for a reason, Terry... So what happened between you and Nikki is because she wanted it to happen...'
'Heh...'
'I didn't like it when you told me she came to see you... It's one the reasons why things turned for the worse... But I didn't realize that Nikki and I were doomed to fail from the very beginning seeing as we were both guilt-tripping and I never wanted to believe that was the reason... What I had with her didn't last long because of it... And it wasn't fair to have blamed you for that... But truth is, I just wasn't ready... I wasn't ready to have committed myself to you or Nikki...'
'What'd you do after you and Nikki broke up...? I mean, it's been a year and a half ago...'
'I knew I had to sort my life out after everything that happened and not just because of what happened between the four of us...'
'Did you managed to...?'
'I did, in some way... I managed to throw things around for myself and for the first time in my life, I finally feel like I've found some peace...'
'That's good, isn't it...?'
'Yeah, absolutely... Except Nikki wasn't doing well and I got involved once more... And I was reluctant at first because I just couldn't handle it anymore...'
'Yet you're still here for her...'
'Because somewhere, deep down inside, I still care for her... And I know you do too...'
'I do...'
'I know that everything that happened hurt all of us one way or another... But I also like to think that some good has come out of it, you know...? It caused us to set our differences aside to help someone who needs us the most... You and I have been closer for the last two months then we ever were after our break-up...'
'We couldn't even be in the same room without going at each other's throat...'
'Hehehe... But look at us now... We're talking here and not actually fighting each other... That has to mean something, right...?'
'True...'
'I just want to hold on to that... No more fighting... No more grudges and resentment... I'm just so tired of it...'
'Me too...'
'Then I truly hope that you can accomplish the same with Blain, no matter how difficult it may be... I know it's hard to forgive someone who wronged you... So I'm just gonna say to you what Meagan told Blain...'
'Which is...?'
'Remember what made your friendship was all about and what made it so strong in the first place... Give it some time and look each other up when you both feel the time is right... Only the two of you can determine if your friendship is worth saving... Because it certainly isn't worth losing it over me...'
'I know...'
'He's not a bad guy, Terry... Blain just isn't who he used to be anymore... He went through some hard times and slowly, he's managing to pick up his life again...'
'What did he mean when he said that he was afraid to lose you...? I mean, he knew you and I were in love and he always was okay with that and when he came back, he all of a sudden wasn't...? I still don't understand...'
'It's never been about me being in love or sleeping with someone else... Blain and I can relate to each other in many ways because even though we've experienced different things, we both have been through the same... It's a special kind of trust that no one else shares with us, something that feels familiar... That's what he's afraid to lose...'
'I see...'
Terry looked at me and nodded quietly... He averted his eyes for a moment but I saw he had a couple of questions he was dieing to ask... And I figured that if we wanted to turn over a new leaf, we had to do so by being honest to each other which is why I had to answer every question he had truthfully... What more harm could my answers do anyway...? But at least he'd know the truth if I did...
'You got questions, don't you...?'
'No, it's okay...'
'It's alright... Ask me anything...'
'Was it really all that bad between us...?'
'No, it wasn't... But we forgot all of the good times we've had when we were too busy fighting each other... You made me happy for as long as we lasted... And you're the reason why I wanted to throw my life around...'
'Heh...'
'I gave it everything I could to make it work but it wasn't enough on my end... It's never been your fault... I just wasn't ready for it... I wasn't ready to commit... And I certainly wasn't ready to let someone in my life...'
'I could've just given you time...'
'Time wasn't what I needed...'
'Then what did you need...?'
'I'll always have feelings for women... I'll always feel the need to be with one... So I can't commit myself to someone who wants to commit to me when I know they're not the one who can give me everything...'
'Is that why you have an open relationship with Blain...? Just to see women as well...?'
'Yeah... No strings attached means that there's no commitment... We let each other free to see other people and we'll find each other whenever we feel the need to...'
'Heh...'
'So that's why I'm not the kind of girl you'd want in your life... That's why I'm not the kind of girl you'd want to commit to... Simply because there will always be someone else... And that's why falling in love and starting a relationship has never worked out for me... I'm hurting the ones who want to be close... And not just them but myself as well... Which is why I'm not looking for it anymore...'
'Wow...'
'Heh... Aren't you glad that you've dodged the bullet...?'
'We could've made it work somehow if only you were honest to me...'
'If only... But I suppose those days are gone now...'
'Yeah, I suppose so too...'
Sighing quietly, I leaned back and stared outside at the rain for a while... Knowing how things turned out, I felt ashamed but at least Terry knew the truth... I felt sad to realize how things turned out between us but it also gave me comfort to know Terry and I were talking... It certainly was a whole different contrast then what it used to be after our break-up... And I was glad that he was willing to listen because it made me realize that it's never to late to make amends... Looking at Terry, I believed he thought the same about it as well... Terry looked at me and smiled when he noticed I kept staring at him...
'I know this couldn't have been easy for you... But I'm glad that you're honest to me and that you've always been willing to talk, even when I wasn't... So thank you...'
'Any time, Terry...'
'So what now...? What happens between us...?'
'I suppose we can only do two things... We either go our separate ways and never see each other again or...'
'... Or?'
'Or we can start anew, and be friends instead... Either way, we'll both be moving forward...'
'You still really believe it's possible for us to stay friends...?'
'A lot of things didn't seem possible up until now... So yeah, I still believe we can because I know I'd regret not trying... I'm still willing to if you are...'
'We'll see... I'm just gonna need some time...'
'I understand...'
'Thanks for everything, Ceylan... I'm glad we talked...'
'Me too... You're a good guy, Terry... Michelle is lucky to have you...'
'And so is Blain to have you to look out for him...'
Terry and I kept looking at each other with a smile... When Terry said that, I felt a huge burden coming down my shoulders... Terry leaned over to give me a hug and while I was startled at first, I wasn't quite sure if I had to hug him back... I wasn't certainly wasn't expecting him to... It was just a quick hug but it meant so much to me to know that there was a chance of things getting better... Before Terry got out of my car, he gave me one last smile and ran to his house in the pouring rain... And once he got inside his house, I started my car and made the long ride back home...
No more lies, no more grudges and resentment... Telling and hearing the truth might've hurt but things couldn't get much worse when you already hit rock bottom and the way we've been reunited wasn't how it was supposed to be... But at least we got back together again and it caused us to hear each other out for the first time in ages... It might've seem like a small step forward but it was a step nonetheless... And all we could do now was to focus on mending our friendship once the truth was out... It took a long time for us to get where we are today and it certainly wasn't easy but it was worth everything... At times like these, you get to question the role you're playing in other peoples lives and whether or not to make your role meaningful... And if I could help someone in any way, no matter how small of a gesture it may seem, I'd know my life would've had meaning... A lot of people seem to have good intentions but hardly ever act out on them and I wasn't intending on being one of those people... So I did everything I could to make things right to those I've wronged...